Zachary Seiff

October 3, 2019

Pacitto

English 101

Growing up I was always a happy kid, as a young child, life was simple. I was an

extroverted kid who never had a problem making friends or fitting in with others. One day I went

to the doctor, and was diagnosed with mild to severe ​Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or

ADHD for short. At first it was not such a big deal since I was only nine it did not have a

significant impact on my life. My parents assured me it was very common to have, and it was

nothing to stress over, even my father had a mild case of it. Since I was young the school work

was not very difficult, so I was not treated any differently than any other of my fellow students.

But as I matured, the school work did too, it slowly started to get more difficult, teachers started

moving at a faster pace, and it became hard to retain all the information being thrown at me due

to my problems with focusing. Because of this​, in the 3rd grade I was separated from my peers,

and put into a special education classroom.At first the idea of being in these classes didn't bother

me, however later on I would have a change in heart to be placed back into general ed with my

classmates.

I was put into special education classes for math and english because I started struggling

with the increasingly difficult work. Instead of being in the main classroom I was placed in a

smaller separate class with students that had learning disabilities. These classes had the same

curriculum as the main classroom, but we went at a much slower pace, and were often referred to
as Pull-out classes. At this time I didn't give the idea of being separated from my peers a lot of

thought. I never looked at myself as being inferior for taking easier classes than them. It wasn't

until the sixth grade that I would start to feel differently. I started having negative thoughts in my

mind that I was less intelligent than everyone else, these thoughts only continued to develop, and

would start to cross my mind more frequently. I was still in a general ed science, and history, so

naturally I started to befriend the other kids in those classes. I never told them I was in mostly

Pull-out classes, and I didn't want to. When other kids were talking about their other classes

sometimes I would try to relate, other times I would keep my mouth shut in hopes of them not

finding out. I remember always waiting for the hallways to be clear before I would go into class

so no one would see that I was in pull-out classes.

Trying to keep it a secret did not work for very long, eventually one of my friends caught

on, and called me out in front of everyone, his intentions were not to embarrass me, but

nevertheless it still did. I felt humiliated and ashamed, my self esteem crumbled, and I thought to

myself that this is no way to live, I felt an urgency to switch over to all general ed. That night I

had an epiphany, I finally decided it was time for a change, so I mustered up the courage to

discuss how I felt to my parents and teachers. At first I expected it to be a cake walk, all I had to

do was tell them, and then I would be switched out immediately. In reality it wasn't quite that

simple. The day after I told one of my favorite teachers how I felt she responded with “you

wouldn’t be able to handle the workload.”

At first, her response shocked me, but then I thought that it would be fine since my

parents would have my back, and I would still be able to switch into general ed. So I got home

and immediately confronted my parents about everything that went on at school, and they
responded by saying “I think she's right”. Those four words made my heart sink to the floor, I

had never thought that the feeling of rejection could cut so deep. I remember sitting in my room,

alone thinking “what now?”. After a couple of days of extreme anger and confusion, the fog of

frustration finally subsided. I had the thought that if no one would believe in me, I would. From

that point on I vowed to prove all of my doubters wrong, and myself right. Even though I was

upset I needed to focus on the task at hand for me to be successful in switching back into general

ed.

I went back to my parents who just recently told me I wouldn't be able to handle the

workload, and I talked to them again. This time I decided to take a more methodical approach. I

wanted to tell them what I was going through, and explain how it was affecting me. They told me

that if I could prove that I didn't belong in pull-out classes they would take my concerns more

seriously. Their response may not have been exactly what I was looking for, but it was a chance

for me to prove myself. Prior to this conversation I never took school extremely seriously, I was

fine with just coasting through making average grades. If I was to prove to everyone that I

belonged in a general ed classroom I would have to take it up a notch. I started taking my

academics much more seriously, and my grades were reflecting that. This would continue

throughout the year, until my change in grades could no longer be ignored.

One day both my parents called me over to talk to me about switching out of special ed, I

was told that they were going to have a meeting with the school to discuss what my next move

would be in the upcoming year. As my 6th grade year was coming to a close, I eagerly waited for

this meeting, in hopes that I could finally be taken out of pull-out classes. I was not with them

during the meeting, so after my parents left the house, my mind immediately started racing,
thinking about all of the different possible outcomes. I waited with bated breath for my parents

arrival, and as soon as they got home I bombarted them with questions. They told me that

starting next year, in seventh grade I would no longer be in pull-out classes, but I would need in

class support from the teachers aide. This meant that I would have a seperate teacher in the main

classroom giving me in class support. Although this may not have been my perfect scenario, it

was a huge win for me, and it gave me hope for the future.

I finally had an all general ed schedule for my seventh grade year; I was ecstatic. I

walked into my new math class for the first time and took a seat. Almost immediately after I sat

down the aide took a seat right next to me. She was already breathing down my neck, and

watching my every move. Unsurprisingly, I did not like this at all. I had no personal space or

independence, this is not what I was expecting. As my day continued, I realized that all of the

aides were more or less the same. They all gave me no personal space, or freedom; I felt so

restricted. I thought to myself, “why can't they just leave me alone, and let me do my work.”

Needless to say I was disappointed, I was expecting someone to give me help only when I

needed it, something needed to change. After I got home I told my parents everything that

happened, and they said that it was to help me adjust to the faster pace of the class. I was told

that if everything went well, and I was able to handle the workload I would no longer need to

have an aide giving me in class support. It seemed that I still had something to prove.

At first the aides controlled everything I did in the classroom, they sat next to me,

modified the amount of work I would be assigned, and pulled me out of class for tests and

quizzes. My classmates would always comment on it saying things such as, “You’re so lucky”,

“I wish I had that”, or worst of all “she does all the work for you.” All my peers would always
explain how jealous they were since I had so much assistance with my work, but I hated it. I felt

the reason they were helping me out so much was because they thought I was incapable of doing

it on my own. I had to demonstrate to all of my aides that I was capable of excelling in the main

classroom without their help. Slowly throughout the year I was finessing my way to complete

independence, I was proving myself assignment by assignment. As my grades improved the

aides would start to become more distant, as I became more independent. Sitting next to me

throughout the entire class became a quick check in every once and awhile. I would still be taken

out of class whenever the class was taking a quiz, or test, and I would be put in the hallway

because I was given more time, and the hallway was more quiet, and had less distractions. I was

eventually able to stay in the classroom by proving I could do well on all of my tests, and quizzes

without any extra time. By the second half of my seventh grade year I had finally achieved my

goal. After all of the time, and hard work I put in I finally succeeded, defied the odds, proved my

doubters wrong, and myself right.

Never would I have expected that switching out of special ed would have such a

significant impact on my life. If I wasn't so naive, and I listened to what everyone else was

telling me, I would have never made it this far. Life is too short to second guess yourself, and

what you believe in. You will always have others doubting you, saying what you want is wrong,

and can never be achieved. If I followed that advice from all those who didn't believe in me, I

wouldn't be the man I am today, I would have never made it to college, and no one would be

reading this. Sometimes in life you need to realize that the only opinion that matters is your own.