A Manipulative Relationship (Am I A Bully?

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for magictoolstoovercomebullying.com
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My husband and I are married for more than a decade now, and as far as our relationship is
concerned, I never thought I would consider myself someone that tries to manipulate my
partner. I know I am considerate at all times and I properly make my decisions positive as much
as possible. However, complications arose recently when my husband broke down and
complained about a lot of things. I was clueless even after the divorce. That’s when I
questioned myself if I'm actually a bully.

“You’re A Know-It-All Person”

“Know-it-alls may have a cluster of personality characteristics, including impulsivity, poor

listening skills and an inability to read social cues. These could be symptomatic of certain mental
disorders, such as attention deficit personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder,” says
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Linda Lewis Griffith. My husband thinks that I am a
know-it-all person just because I always tell him that I know everything about him. The truth is, I
believe I do. I honestly don’t understand how my character affects his emotions, but I’m
confident that I’m capable of determining his damaging thoughts and ideas.

“You Don’t Listen”

I guess that’s because I know that I’m ideally correct. I manage to stay in this long-term
relationship because I know how to handle emotional stress and marital issues. Therefore, I am
entitled to get positive feedback on everything I do.

“You’re Selfish”

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I don’t know how he presents ‘selfishness’ in a way that he understands it, but it is helpful in our
relationship. My selfishness brought us to a situation where we have to take care of each other
and not to mind the people around us. Dr. John A. Johnson, PsyD., says that selfishness is not
inherently bad. Good selfishness exists whenever there is a two-way transaction between
individuals. For couples, Johnson advises, “as long as all partners in these activities are willing
participants who are getting something of value that is worth what they are investing in the
activity, these are all examples of two-sided transactions. All are forms of good selfishness—
interactions that are good for both people.”

“You’re Inconsiderate”
How will I ever become an inconsiderate person when I allow him to be with people that value
him and contribute to his benefit? As a wife, I would never let my husband go along with those
individuals who only take advantage of him.

“You Don’t Let Me Explain”

Yes, I do. I always make sure that my husband tells me everything I need to know. I hate it when
he lies about his financial status, places he visited, things he does, and it makes me angry when
he insists on his invalid excuses.

“You’re Always Right”

That’s because I am. I always base my decisions on things that both of us can benefit from
instead of getting nothing out of it. My choices made us more comfortable with each other and
helped us reach our goals in a much smoother way.

Those statements and accusations didn’t mean anything to me because I know myself and I
believe in what I can do. But the way I see how I dropped myself when he utters the words that
I know I shouldn’t hear made me realize that I am a controlling freak.

However, this is not entirely an accurate way of thinking. Dr. Seth Meyers, PsyD , considers that
people who act as if they’re always right is a defense mechanism. He adds that “their need to
always be right indicates a strong and pervasive defense mechanism (including, but not limited
to, a denial of their vulnerability, an inherent part of everyone's human experience, whether one
likes it or not).” Thus, you need to consider whether or not such trait would still be beneficial not
only to yourself but also to your husband.

“You’re Hurting Me”

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I love my husband so dearly that it pains me to know that after all these years I was causing him
so much pain. I made him doubt his personality just because I am trying to force him to become
someone that will benefit me. I was inconsiderate the whole time for not knowing how he feels
about me taking control over things that supposedly both of us should manage. I was wrong for
thinking that I’m someone perfect. I became the reason why he got depressed and emotionally
unstable.

One thing I learned from my married life experience is that no person is allowed to tell
someone what they can or cannot do. Our significant long-term years together did not
guarantee both of our happiness. I know it’ll be too late to fix what I did, but I’m thankful that I
have come to understand myself better now. I sustained a manipulative relationship, and now I
admit I was a bullying partner.