Text From WP1. Comment I received.
Change I made to what I How this change impacts
WP1: “Be that as it may, a Peer: Thesis is a bit vague
big part of group and dry and slightly off from
expression occurs in the the rest of the paper.
writing genre and this
writing can be used to
draw people in to see into
the group or concept
written about.”
Text from WP1. Idea that sparked this
change.
WP1: “Poor people” This word did not seem to
fit into my writing and I
needed a synonym to
describe this class of
people.
Text from WP1. Idea that sparked this
change.
WP1: “Their audience” This word was too vague
and I needed to be more
specific as to who “they”
are.
initially wrote.
“Different groups or people
can use genres in popular
culture such as songwriting
and screenwriting to reach
the public and shine light
on a particular subject or
field that may need more
exposure.”
Change I made to what I
initially wrote.
“Impoverished people”
Change I made to what I
initially wrote.
“The Black Eyed Peas’
audience”
my paper.
This change makes the thesis
more clear and descriptive
allowing the reader to get
some insight into what they
may be reading and where I,
as the author, stand.
How this change impacts
my paper.
This change makes my
work a bit more specific
and professional because
the word “poor” seemed a
bit too casual for the topic
at hand.
How this change impacts
my paper.
It is more descriptive as to
who’s audience it is and
even though it is a minor
change it makes the paper
much more clear, especially
if i make this type of
change throughout the
paper.
Text from WP1. Idea that sparked this Change I made to what I How this change impacts
change. initially wrote. my paper.

WP1: “These songs use Sentences were rather “Using the specific Newly written sentences
many wordy and not really genre...around them.” expand more on the
conventions...powerful pertaining to the main effectiveness of the songs
platform.” point. which backs up the thesis.

Text from WP1. Idea that sparked this Change I made to what I How this change impacts
change. initially wrote. my paper.

WP1: “This sort of writing The words and sentence “This sort of writing allows Sentence is much clearer
rhetorically makes people make sense, but the the audience to feel safe and easier to read.
feel safe talking about choice of words makes talking about something
something that would the sentences sound that would otherwise be
otherwise be extremely awkward and choppy. extremely uncomfortable in
uncomfortable in most most spaces”
spaces”

Text from WP2. Idea that sparked this Change I made to what I How this change affects
change. initially wrote. my paper.
WP2: “Similar to There is no need to “Similarly, This change reduces
Landrigan, include who the author is Benedict...functions” wordiness and creates better
Benedict...functions” being similar to because it cohesion.
is already implied.

Text from WP2. Idea that sparked this Change I made to what I How this change affects
change. initially wrote. my paper.

WP2:“You are taken Sentences was redundant,
through...low energy” but important so it
needed a transition.
“Again, you are taken Without the transition
through...low energy” word the sentence just
sound like a blunt
restatement of an earlier
phrase.

Text from WP2. Idea that sparked this Change I made to what I How this change affects
change. initially wrote. my paper.

WP2: “Along with Paragraph felt too vague. *Added to paper* The paragraph needed a
providing said “academic more in depth analysis of
information” Benedict how the author wrote and
flows...confusing as connected his ideas for the
possible.” reader.
Text from WP2. Idea that sparked this Change I made to what I How this change affects
change. initially wrote. my paper.

WP2: “If the reader is Wanted to expand on the *Added to paper* Connecting and letting my
familiar with the writer's credibility a little audience know how and
mentioned research and more. why C.P. landrigan may be
has worked with it before viewed as an author in his
Landrigan’s credibility has writing.
just gone up making him
an even more effective
communicator.”

Text from WP2. Idea that sparked this Change I made to what I How this change affects my
change. initially wrote. paper.

WP2: “When one sleeps
their body uses that time of
serenity to recharge and
without having time to rest
the body begins to have
difficulty running.”
I initially mentioned the *Added to paper* The minor elaboration makes
physical effects of not the paragraph more
sleeping, but did not descriptive.
actually mention what the
physical effects are or why
they occur.