Your Owners Manual For

Living An
Extraordinary Life

by Robert White
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 Your Owners Manual For
Living An
Extraordinary Life

by Robert White
Table of Contents
Chapter 1:
A Personal Message from Robert ......................................................................................4

Chapter 2:
Three Power Principles for Personal and Organizational Effectiveness ...........................7

Chapter 3:
Five Power Principles to Transform the Ordinary to Extraordinary...................................12

Chapter 4:
Looking at What’s Possible ...............................................................................................24

Chapter 5:
What Do You Want?..........................................................................................................27

Chapter 6:
Ways We Avoid Success...................................................................................................30

Chapter 7:
Who’s That Fabulous Person Hiding Under Your Image? .................................................34

Chapter 8:
Attitude’s No Platitude ......................................................................................................37

Chapter 9:
ou Are the Source — Really! ...........................................................................................41

Chapter 10:
Do I Really “Have To?” ......................................................................................................43

Chapter 11:
Keeping Your Agreements.................................................................................................47

Chapter 12:
Levels of Purpose and Commitment .................................................................................49

Your Personal Commitment ..............................................................................................54

The Gift You Are ................................................................................................................55

iJournal .............................................................................................................................56

Enhance Your Audio Library with These Great Titles from Nightingale-Conant! .........Last

3
 Chapter 1:

A Personal Message from Robert White

Living an extraordinary life is simply an available choice for you or anyone. The interest and
commitment you’ve already demonstrated by purchasing this program is significant, and you
should begin your involvement with an acknowledgement of yourself for making a great choice.

Our ARC Worldwide logo and company letterhead includes the phrase “powered by possibility,”
and that’s what I believe is possible for you. Actually, I know it is possible to be powered by
possibility. I know that whatever you believe about yourself and your future can be expanded far
beyond anything that you’ve ever hoped for or imagined. And that journey of discovery and
expansion has already been launched. You are on your way to living an extraordinary life.

Living an extraordinary life doesn’t happen by chance or luck. Observation of over a half million
participants in our programs, plus independent studies undertaken over the past two decades,
convincingly demonstrates that otherwise ordinary men and women who create extraordinary
results — regardless of age, nationality, or education — exhibit many of the same behaviors,
language patterns, and ways of being.

In other words, there are things that you can do and ways to speak and ways to be that will
definitely support you in creating the results you want in your career, your relationships, your
finances, your health — in every area of your life.

The building blocks we’ve discovered that are essential to living an extraordinary life are
Awareness, Responsibility, and Communication. This conceptual framework is the foundation
of our work at ARC Worldwide and it makes up the acronym ARC. A for awareness, R for
responsibility, and C for Communication.

If you desire real success in life; if you want better health and fulfilling relationships; if you want
meaningful work and a deeper connection to your spiritual life; in short, if you want to live an
extraordinary life, I recommend you learn more about and begin to apply more awareness,
responsibility, and communication in your life. Even a small improvement in understanding and
application will make a huge difference in your experience of living. That’s the purpose of this
program.

When it comes to having a more productive and fulfilling life, there are no easy answers. This
program is simply a guide to what is possible, based on the work we have done in public and
corporate seminars with hundreds of thousands of people. There is no list of ideal habits, nor a
“ten steps to success” program here. Only you and you alone can create the kind of life you want
to have.

4
 So let’s be clear. This program alone cannot:
• make you happier;
• raise your self-confidence or self-esteem;
• cause you to be more positive about life;
• make your life more purposeful, productive, or exciting;
• help your relationships work better;
• make you more effective.

This program can’t. Only you can change your underlying beliefs, attitudes and behaviors and
thus improve your experience of life.

This program is organized around what we have learned to

“What factors are at play… when people be essential “building blocks” — some ideas, principles, and
of a high IQ flounder, and those of modest methods that will assist you in doing the real work of creating
IQ do surprisingly well? … the difference a brighter future for yourself.
quite often lies in the abilities called here
Our approach is to use the ARC framework. If you truly want
emotional intelligence, which include self-
to leave your past behind, the first step is to become aware of
control, zeal and persistence, and the abili- how that past affects you positively and how it holds you back.
ty to motivate oneself. … I can foresee a Then you must take responsibility for your past — that means
day when education will routinely include letting go of blame or regret or guilt and simply owning your
inculcating essential human competencies past. Finally, you’ll need to develop a new way of communi-
such as self-awareness, self-control and cating about your past. You can develop a much more power-
empathy, and the arts of listening, resolving
ful language pattern that empowers you to move forward.
conflicts, and cooperation.”
The next step is to accurately describe your current reality,
Daniel Golemanwhich again involves moving to much higher level of aware-
Emotional Intelligence ness about “what’s so” for you. What do your current results
tell you about what is working and not working in your life?
With that increased awareness, then taking responsibility for
everything will transform your experience of life from problems and worries and a burden … to
having everyday life be a source of joy and fulfillment. Again, learning a powerful new way of
communicating about reality will serve to constantly increase your clarity and focus.

Choosing a great future begins with a much higher level of awareness and includes transcending
any limitations in your thinking. You can become powered by possibility. Taking responsibility
for your future has the absolute potential of being truly magical in its power and effectiveness.
And finally, choosing to communicate with yourself and others about your compelling vision
(using powerful, more effective language) will move you quickly toward creating an extraordinary
life. The ideas are sound and proven by results. Remember — only you can do the work.

5
Self-awareness and self-discovery can be accelerated by
answering some important questions from you and to
you about your life. People learn in many different ways,
and the purpose of this Owner’s Manual is to support
you in deepening and extending the potential value of
“Living an Extraordinary Life.” I encourage you to reflect
on the questions and then complete the exercises. You do
have the answers for your own life. That much I
absolutely guarantee.
With love and respect,
Robert White
6
the time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome
and say, sit here, eat.
you will love again the stranger who was yourself
give wine. give bread. give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you.
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
sit. feast on life.
Derek Walcott
Chapter 2:
Three Power Principles for Personal
and Organizational Effectiveness

The assumption is that you’re probably already fairly successful by most standards or you wouldn’t
have picked up this program. My experience is that successful people are the ones always looking,
always learning. It’s in that context that you decided to look at these ideas and see if any of them
could assist you in becoming even more effective.

The philosophy underpinning all of the ARC teachings is that a powerful catalyst for increased
success is increased personal confidence. Confidence, when lacking, paralyzes us; when enhanced,
it empowers us to even greater accomplishment. The word itself is fascinating in its Latin origin:
con fides — with faith. Confidence generates faith that we will succeed even in the face of contra-
dictory evidence.

My personal experience in this regard is powerful and clear: increased confidence is a direct result
of building positive behaviors and demonstrating results. A corollary is to look at efforts to build
self-esteem in young people through teaching about it. There’s no evidence this has ever worked.
Self-esteem, and confidence, are built through successful behav-
ior and results. The natural question at this point is
simple: “If positive behaviors and results build
confidence and confidence is the precursor to
being more effective, how do I generate
those behaviors and results?”

The answers to this question are found

throughout these chapters, yet they are
all grounded in a final introductory
ingredient: action. “Be with” the ideas
that follow and then … ACT NOW.

7
Decide clearly, specifically, and positively what you want.

We’ve learned from observing highly successful people and

how they’ve created lives of meaning and abundance that the
Between two stools one sits on the ground.
first element of personal effectiveness is simple and highly
powerful: decide clearly, specifically, and positively what you French Proverb
want. The more vivid the picture you create in your mind,
the more specific you are … the greater the opportunity for
success. Do it now. Write it down.

Decide clearly, specifically, and positively what you want as a result of participating in the Living
an Extraordinary Life program. Insert your own words in the following sentences if the sentence
speaks to something you want from this program.

What I want to learn about myself is ______________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
The relationship I want to improve as a result of this program is _________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The pattern that sometimes stops me from getting what I want and that I want to transcend is
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What I want for my physical well-being is __________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What I want for my mental/emotional/spiritual growth is ______________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What I want for my personal and family financial well-being is __________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What I want to further my career success is _________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What I want to contribute to my community is _____________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What I really want as a result of this program is _____________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

8
 Be honest — with yourself and with others.

The second element of personal effectiveness is to be

The truth is incontrovertible. Panic may
resent it; ignorance may deride it; malice
may distort it; but there it is.
Sir Winston Churchill
the ultimate source of creating powerful relationships is authenticity. Can people trust you to tell
the truth as you know it?
honest. Visualize some dominoes placed on their edges.
The one closest is simply telling the truth. When toppled
(when you’re less than truthful), it hits the next one
which is the trust you generate from others. When trust
is knocked down it hits relationships which, when
diminished, lessens effectiveness with people. Put simply,

Of course, you must tell yourself the truth first … only then can you be honest with others. Your
results, when you’re honest about them, serve as a fail-safe indication of your consciousness, your
personal growth, and the quality and rightness of your actions.

The following opportunities for reflection are designed simply to increase your awareness and
thus your ability to begin any needed changes in behaviors and habits. This is not about self-
blame or guilt or any of those places you could choose to go that serve to reduce your self-esteem
and confidence. It’s simply a scorecard and an opportunity to learn.

I am consistently honest with myself about _________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
I need to be more consistently honest with myself about ______________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I am consistently honest with others about _________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I need to be more consistently honest with others about _______________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
When I am totally honest my relationships have the following qualities ___________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
When I am less than honest, my relationships have the following qualities _________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

9
The people or circumstances that seem to support my being totally honest are ______________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The people or circumstances that seem to generate the space for my being less than totally honest are
___________________________________________________________________________
The person or circumstance where I most need to express total honesty is __________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I’m committed to actually doing that (insert date, time, or event) ________________________
__________________________________________
and the result I will create by being totally honest is
___________________________________________________________________________

“The one who lies to himself and believes

his own lies comes to a point where he can
distinguish no truth either within himself or
around him, and thus enters into a state of
disrespect towards himself and others.
Respecting no one, he loves no one, and to
amuse and divert himself in the absence of
love, he gives himself up to his passions and
his vulgar delights and becomes a complete
animal in his vices, and all of it from lying to
other people and himself.”
Dostoyevsky in
“The Brothers Karamazov”

10
 Take responsibility — realize you choose your decisions,
circumstances, and life.

I’d like you to ask yourself: if there were two ways of

“People are always blaming their circum- approaching your life, which one will maximize your feel-
stances for what they are. I don’t believe in ings of personal power, autonomy, freedom, enthusiasm,
circumstances. The people who get on in the and self-worth? One is living as though you have the
world are the people who get up and look power to choose what happens in your life. Another is
living as though you have no choice, as though you are
for the circumstances they want and if they
just a pawn in somebody else’s game.
can’t find them, make them.”
George Bernard Shaw This is no empty intellectual debate. How you answer
this question will have a powerful impact on your
moment-to-moment experience of life — right now. If I
operate as if I have choice, I automatically increase my sense of empowerment, of control over
my own destiny, of integrity and self-esteem. If I operate as if I am a victim of circumstances,
destiny, fate, or my genetic programming, I automatically increase my sense of weakness, help-
lessness, powerlessness, and my sense of being out of control. The difference is immediate and
tangible, in my experience of life and, most importantly, in my results.

We’ll return to this subject later in the program for an in-depth exploration. For now, some sim-
ple and powerful questions. Remember, this is just about discovery, a greater awareness of where
you have operated historically and are now operating.

The areas of my life where I operate as a victim of fate or circumstance or others are
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Now write some more … You know, the traffic, your boss or peers or employees, your
competitors, the economy … ___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The areas of my life where I operate as fully responsible are _____________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

11
Chapter 3:
Five Power Principles to Transform
the Ordinary to Extraordinary
Express yourself — directly let people know
“And as we let our own light shine, we
what you are thinking and feeling. unconsciously give other people permission
to do the same. As we are liberated from
Your knowledge, experience, and abilities are the contribu- our own fear, our presence automatically
tion and difference only you can make. Recognizing these
liberates others.”
qualities and expressing yourself through word and deed is a
sure-fire way to improve your results in life. Marianne Williamson

Many people have been taught to be silent and passive, to “put a lid on it.” Our lessons as chil-
dren often included messages that what we thought or felt didn’t matter; and often, those early
communications have been transformed into self-limiting beliefs that act to limit us as adults in
families and workplaces.

Withholding your ideas, objections, and point-of-view weakens both your self-confidence and
the results you want to create with others. It’s a vicious cycle: you withhold, which strengthens
self-limiting beliefs and then results suffer because your ideas weren’t heard and tested … which
further reduces self-confidence so the next time you’ll be even less inclined to speak.

I consistently express myself with the following people or in the following circumstance
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I need to express myself more consistently with the following people or in the following circumstance
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
When I express myself, my relationships and results have the following qualities _____________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

12
 When I am less than direct in expressing myself, my relationships and results have the following qualities
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The people or circumstances that seem to support my expressing myself are ________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The people or circumstances that seem to generate the space for my being less self-expressive are
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The person or circumstance where I most need to express myself is _______________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I’m committed to actually doing that (insert date, time, or event) ________________________
___________________________________
and the result I will create by expressing myself is
___________________________________________________________________________
Take risks — it is only through risking that
meaningful positive change can occur.
“First they came for the socialists, and I did
not speak out because I was not a socialist. This program is focused on you, the individual wishing
Then they came for the trade unionists, and to accomplish more … The focus is to assist you in creat-
I did not speak out because I was not a ing your extraordinary life. Take a deep breath now
trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, because this means some personal behavioral changes to
and I did not speak out because I was not a
successfully handle the changes in your environment.
This means you must learn to successfully deal with
Jew. Then they came for me, and there was
change within yourself, and this means you must learn to
no one left to speak for me.” take measured and effective risks. Continuing on the way
Pastor Martin Niemoeller we are and the way we do things guarantees the same
results.

13
Taking risks is counter-intuitive. Cave men and women learned really early in our human
development saga that risk takers faced the possibility of never making it back to the cave. Thus
was born the famous flight or fight choice … and neither one looked very attractive then …
or today.

ARC seminars often include experiences that demonstrate

to participants that we settle into “comfort zones,” ways of If you think you can — or you think you
being and doing that are marked by familiarity and past can’t — you’re probably right!
success. Our comfort zones are perhaps a bit boring … but Henry Ford
safe. We also demonstrate in our seminars that it is only
through risking that new possibilities emerge for us both
personally and professionally.

The “moldy peanuts” I’m holding on to in my life (the less than optimal results I’m settling for) are
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The fears that might be in my way of getting what I really want are ______________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

14
 The personal prices of not taking the risk called for to get what I really want are ____________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The “pay offs” for me when I choose to act on what I really want, take the risk, and go for
what I really want are __________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

“Good judgment comes from experience,

and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”
Cowboy philosophy

15
Participate 100% — living an extraordinary life is not a spectator sport.

When we teach participation as a key to getting value from

this program and for living an extraordinary life, we mean “I believe that every right implies a
more than having your consciousness present, more than “be
responsibility; every opportunity, an
here now.” ARC’s approach includes both a consciousness
obligation; every possession, a duty.”
that is present and personal action — total involvement.
When your level of engagement with projects and people John D. Rockefeller
goes up, your level of productivity and accomplishment
soars and whatever you’re doing becomes incredibly enjoyable.

What is it that gets in the way of 100% participation for you? Certainly our early childhood
patterning is very influential. Another big influence is the culture surrounding us in 21st century
America. We live in a culture increasingly drawn to spectator sports and other passive entertain-
ment. When we start adopting those so-called activities as a metaphor for the way we show up in
life, there’s a strong tendency to become spectators in the matter of living our own lives when the
need is for 100% participation. There’s a world of difference between watching things happen
and making things happen.

There’s only one you, only one person with your unique set of skills, awareness, and passions.
Bring that person into your every interaction and you’ll see, sense, and feel the positive difference
in your accomplishments.

I consistently participate 100% with the following people

or in the following circumstances
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________
“Every morning, a gazelle wakes up and
knows that it must run faster than the
fastest lion or it will be killed. Every
morning a lion wakes up and knows it must
outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve.
It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or
a gazelle: When the sun comes up, you’d
better be running!”
African fable

16
 I need to fully participate more consistently with the
“I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no following people or in the following circumstances
‘brief candle’ to me. It is a sort of splendid ____________________________________________
torch which I have got hold of for the
____________________________________________
moment, and I want to make it burn as
brightly as possible before handing it on to ____________________________________________
future generations.” ____________________________________________
George Bernard Shaw When I participate 100%, my relationships and results
have the following qualities
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
When I hold back, become a spectator, my relationships and results have the following qualities
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The people or circumstances that seem to support my participating 100% are ______________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The people or circumstances that seem to generate the space for my being less of a full, 100%
participant are _______________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The person or circumstance where I most need to “show up,” to participate 100% is
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I’m committed to actually doing that (insert date, time, or event) ________________________
___________________________________
and the result I will create by participating 100% is
___________________________________________________________________________

17
Create partnership — playing the game of life from a “win-win”
context creates the life we all want to live.

We live in a society of win/lose, competitive frenzy. It

damages relationships and prevents us from partnership. A single arrow is easily broken, but not
Beginning to live from a commitment to mutual benefit in three in a bundle.
your relationships will change your experience of life for Japanese Proverb
the better.

Here’s how it might work in this program. While I’m totally unwilling to take responsibility for
the value you’ll create from your learning, I am totally responsible for creating context and content
that will support and even accelerate your journey toward living an extraordinary life. Part of my
expression of my own accountability is to consistently extend the offer of being in partnership
with you as you go through the process. I hold you as my equal, my peer, my partner in learning.
I know that your knowledge, life experience, and perspectives are rich, informed, and valuable.
Therefore, I’m delivering this content from a context of loving respect for who you are and who
you will become.

How about you? Are you willing to be in partnership with me? Are you willing to simply look at
these ideas and temporarily suspend judgment about whether they are right or wrong? Are you
willing to test them against your own knowledge and experience and thus determine if they can
work in your life? Or are you practicing an inner dialogue of judgment that prevents real learn-
ing? Partnership attitudes require the suspension of quick conclusions, prejudices and judgments.
I invite you to be my partner in this work, and it can begin by your active involvement in com-
pleting the following:

I consistently play “win-win” with the following people or in the following circumstances
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I need to play “win-win” more consistently with the following people or in the following circumstances
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

18
When I truly operate in partnership, my relationships and results have the following qualities
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
When I play the “win-lose” game, my relationships and results have the following qualities
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The people or circumstances that seem to support my playing “win-win” are _______________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The people or circumstances that seem to generate the space for my playing “win-lose” are
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The person or circumstance where I most need to play “win-win,” to set a context of
partnership for mutual benefit, is _________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I’m committed to actually doing that (insert date, time, or event) ________________________
___________________________________
and the result I will create by being in partnership is
___________________________________________________________________________

19
Commit — get fully committed to this program and to your life.

What keeps you from taking action? Generally it’s because

you try to be reasonable. You think it through. You stick your
toe in the water. You check out how others react. They’re all
very reasonable steps to take, and I’m certainly not advocating
that you do dangerous things. It’s just that by being reason-
able you run the risk of being distracted by events that have
more enjoyment or short-term importance, and you get off
the track toward what you really want to create. When you
are committed you deal with what’s most important to you in
your life.
Make and keep your promises as if your life
depended on it … because it does. And, as
far as we really know, these choices you
are making determine the quality of the
only life you have the opportunity to live
right now.
Robert White

Creating an extraordinary life requires a 100% commitment. Not 99%. In practice, 99% is the
same as zero. 100%. Find a vision, and the actions that further it, that deserves a 100% commit-
ment and your entire experience of life will change. Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring
adventure or nothing at all.”

I have 100% commitment to my promises with the following people or in the following
circumstances _______________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I tend to be at 99% (or less) commitment with the following people or in the following
circumstances ________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
When I truly commit, my relationships and results have the following qualities _____________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
When I’m less than 100% committed, my relationships and
results have the following qualities ____________________
“There are risks and costs to action. But
_______________________________________________ they are far less than the long-range risks
_______________________________________________ of comfortable inaction.”
John Fitzgerald Kennedy
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________

20
The people or circumstances that seem to support my being fully committed are ____________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The people or circumstances that seem to generate the space for less than a full commitment are
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The person or circumstance where I most need to express my commitment, to really do whatever
it takes is ___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I’m committed to actually doing that (insert date, time, or event) ________________________
____________________________
and the result I will create through living my commitment is
___________________________________________________________________________

21
 Becoming Powered by Possibility

Let’s briefly review the eight elements, the eight ways to get maximum value from this program;
and as you do so, notice which ones stick out for you. Notice the one or two or three where you
have the sense that if you focused on improvement in those elements, your experience of this
program and value you create would be accelerated. You know yourself. You know how you
sabotage even very good intentions. You know how to avoid getting the value in this program
because you’ve probably done it before.

You also know that if you positively shifted your attitude and behavior in one or more of the
eight elements of personal effectiveness, your entire experience of life would shift and you’d be
well on your way to living an extraordinary life.

Check the number that represents where you are today in living that particular element (first
line). Also, it might help develop your awareness, responsibility, and communication practice if
you also put an X in front of the number where you want to be in the near future (second line).

1. Decide clearly, specifically, and positively what you want. To what extent have you done this?
___ ___1___ ___2___ ___3___ ___4___ ___5___ ___6___ ___7___ ___8___ ___9___ ___10
low high

2. Be honest — with yourself and with others. To what extent do you rigorously tell the truth?
___ ___1___
1 2 ___2___
3 4 ___3___
5 6 ___4___
7 8 ___5___
9 10 ___6___ ___7___ ___8___ ___9___ ___10
low low high high

3. Take responsibility — realize you choose your decisions, circumstances, and life. To what
extent do you avoid the victim role and own your results without blame — of self or others?
___ ___1___
1 2 ___2___
3 4 ___3___
5 6 ___4___
7 8 ___5___
9 10 ___6___ ___7___ ___8___ ___9___ ___10
low low high high

4. Express yourself — directly let people know what you are thinking and feeling. To what
extent do you fully express yourself?
___ ___1___
1 2 ___2___
3 4 ___3___
5 6 ___4___
7 8 ___5___
9 10 ___6___ ___7___ ___8___ ___9___ ___10
low low high high

22
 5. Take risks — it is only through risking that meaningful positive change can occur. To what
extent do you take risks?
___ ___1___
1 2 ___2___
3 4 ___3___
5 6 ___4___
7 8 9___5___
10 ___6___ ___7___ ___8___ ___9___ ___10
low low high high

6. Participate 100% — living an extraordinary life is not a spectator sport. To what extent do
you participate 100%?
___ ___1___
1 2 ___2___
3 4 ___3___
5 6 ___4___
7 8 9___5___
10 ___6___ ___7___ ___8___ ___9___ ___10
low low high high

7. Create partnership — playing the game of life in a win-win fashion creates the life we all
want to live. To what extent do you play win-win?
___ ___1___
1 2 ___2___
3 4 ___3___
5 6 ___4___
7 8 9___5___
10 ___6___ ___7___ ___8___ ___9___ ___10
low low high high

8. Commit — get fully committed to this program and to your life. To what extent are you
committed to the results you say you want?
___ ___1___
1 2 ___2___
3 4 ___3___
5 6 ___4___
7 8 9___5___
10 ___6___ ___7___ ___8___ ___9___ ___10
low low high high

Choose one or two or three you’d like to pay attention to for the remainder of this program and
begin to practice in your daily life. I promise you rapid and powerfully positive results should you
choose to follow that practice and increase your “noticing,” building a higher level of awareness.

Now write down the one, two, or three elements where you have the sense that if you focused on
improvement in those elements, your experience of this program and the value you create would
be accelerated.

My focus areas, the elements where when apply more awareness, responsibility and communica-
tion, it would really make a difference in my life are:
1. _________________________________________________________________________

2. _________________________________________________________________________

3. _________________________________________________________________________

23
 Chapter 4:
Looking at What’s Possible

The best place to begin living an extraordinary life is to

honestly look at where you are now. This is not about judg- “When you are inspired by some great
ing yourself or making yourself wrong. It’s just a simple purpose, some extraordinary project, all
truth telling from you … to you … about your current real- your thoughts break their bounds... and you
ity. That honest look at yourself will be part of the founda-
discover yourself to be a greater person by
tion for making some quantum leaps in effectiveness and
far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”
satisfaction.
Patanjali
You will complete a series of questions about how are you
doing in the major areas of your life. How are you doing
with your relationships, your career, your health and fitness, your connection to spirit?

The next few minutes are about taking an honest, direct, and nonjudgmental look at where you
are. Beating yourself up is counterproductive. Glossing over real problems and having your ego
speak is also counterproductive. The following questions are for you to answer…. for you … and
it is through the resulting awareness that you can create an authentic opening for the rest of the
Living an Extraordinary Life program.

If “1” represents just taking up space and precious oxygen and “10” represents the life you really
want to live, an extraordinary life, how do you rate yourself on:

Your relationships and communications (with self, family, at work, in your community)?
1 2 ___2___
___ ___1___ 3 4 ___3___
5 6 ___4___
7 8 9___5___
10 ___6___ ___7___ ___8___ ___9___ ___10
low low high high

Your career?
___ ___1___
1 2 ___2___
3 4 ___3___
5 6 ___4___
7 8 9___5___
10 ___6___ ___7___ ___8___ ___9___ ___10
low low high high

Your health and fitness?

___ ___1___
1 2 ___2___
3 4 ___3___
5 6 ___4___
7 8 9___5___
10 ___6___ ___7___ ___8___ ___9___ ___10
low low high high

We’ll come back to the following subjects later in this program. For now, simply answer from the
perspective of where you are now and note how you are in or out of alignment right now with
your desired state:

24
Why am I here? What is my purpose for living?______________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I’m in alignment when I________________________________________________________
I’m out of alignment when I ____________________________________________________

What is my purpose for working? ________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I’m in alignment when I _______________________________________________________
I’m out of alignment when I ____________________________________________________

What is my purpose in my family? _______________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I’m in alignment when I _______________________________________________________
I’m out of alignment when I ____________________________________________________

What is my purpose in my community?____________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I’m in alignment when I _______________________________________________________
I’m out of alignment when I ____________________________________________________

What is my vision for my future, a compelling picture of how I want to contribute in life and
what I want to create?__________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I’m in alignment when I _______________________________________________________
I’m out of alignment when I ____________________________________________________

25
What are my most deeply held “core” values? _______________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I’m in alignment when I _______________________________________________________
I’m out of alignment when I ____________________________________________________

The habits I’ve developed that contribute toward my having an experience of an extraordinary
life are _____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

The habits I’ve developed that take away from my experience of an extraordinary life are
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
I feel that what is possible for me as a result of
my active participation in The Living an
Extraordinary Life Program is ______________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is
within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same. As we
are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically
liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson
A Return to Love

26
 Chapter 5:
What Do You Want?

I’d like to challenge you to actually utilize the tools of

“This is the true joy in life, the being used
awareness, responsibility and communication to answer a
for a purpose recognized by yourself as a very important question:
great one; the being thoroughly worn out
before you are thrown on the scrap heap; What do you want?
the being a force of nature instead of a
You probably know many of the one-liners on this subject
feverish selfish little clod of ailments and
that essentially say the same thing: if you don’t know
grievances complaining that the world will
where you’re going, any road will take you there.
not devote itself to making you happy.”
Knowing what you want is central to all accomplishment.
George Bernard Shaw When we learned about the eight elements of personal
and organizational effectiveness, the very first element was
“decide” and we applied it to what you want from participating in this program. Now it’s time to
ask the bigger question: What do you want in all of the key areas of your life?

Earlier I asked you to rate how you’re doing in some key life areas. Let’s revisit those questions
with the objective of choosing one, two or, at most, three specific targets that are most meaning-
ful to you today and that, when reached, would significantly and positively shift your experience
of yourself and multiply your self-confidence manyfold.

The areas of life we’ve included for our questions might not touch the area you are most interest-
ed in, so feel free to just answer the question freely — what do you want? Be willing to be sur-
prised by your own answers and remember, saying these answers aloud and writing them down
multiply the effectiveness of the exercise. It’s time to be honest and fully express yourself.

And remember, clear, specific, and positive language works!

What do you want in your relationships and in communication with the important people in
your life?
I want _____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

27
What do you want in your relationships with yourself?
I want _____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

What do you want in your relationships with your family?

I want _____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

What do you want in your relationships with your colleagues at work?

I want _____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

What do you want in your relationships with your community?

I want _____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

What do you want in your relationships with your career, your business, your vocation?
I want _____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

What do you want financially? What income do you want? What financial security do you want
to create?
I want _____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

What do you want for your health and fitness?

I want _____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

28
Now look back on your answers. What questions and answers occur to you as more important
than others? This is not a right/wrong game — just trust whatever captures your attention, what-
ever you notice that has more emotional charge. Your biggest opportunity here is to discover a
target that you are passionate about, along with the power of deciding clearly, specifically, and
positively what you want.

You can repeat this process once or twice and then choose at most three targets. Once you’ve
identified one or two or three targets, begin the process of becoming one with it and looking at
what it would take to actualize that target. Ask yourself how your targets line up with your pur-
pose in life, your vision for your future, and your values.

This is essential foundational work for beginning to live an extraordinary life. It is fairly simple
and it is not easy. Your internal system positively responds to a vivid clarity in the answers to the
question “what do you want,” and your system especially responds when you can connect those
answers to your essential life purpose, your vision, and your values. Do the work. You’ll be claim-
ing the extraordinary life you want and deserve.

29
Chapter 6:
Ways We Avoid Success

We all have WAYS TO AVOID in our lives. Ways we use to stay in our comfort zone. Ways to
play it safe, ways we use to avoid responsibility, to run away when the going gets difficult, rather
than hanging in there and being committed. Ways to avoid intimacy and true connection in rela-
tionships.

So what are some of the ways you might avoid as you participate in this program? And by the
way, this program is just like your life — it will be a perfect mirror. So the ways you may tend to
avoid here will be the same ways you use every day in your job or in your relationships, ways you
avoid in your career and with your health and fitness. There is no difference. So what are some
ways you might avoid? I’ll suggest some favorites of mine, and we’ll see if you recognize any of
these as part of how you might avoid doing what you need to do to live an extraordinary life.

Procrastinate — there’s always time to do what’s necessary … Later.

Day Dream — this is the do-nothing version of creating a vision.
Sleep — a healthy part of life until your bed or the sofa become your hiding place.
Analyze — the famous or infamous analysis paralysis. A good idea gone bad.
Judge — again, a valuable ability gone bad. You can use it to distance yourself from what is really
important to you.
Criticize — this is my personal favorite and I’m very good at it. If I can stay in a critical space
I won’t have to actually engage in a positive future.
Argue — this is when a healthy disagreement moves to senseless jockeying for position and winning.
Reasons and Excuses — the choice is always to have results or reasons why you don’t have the
results. The reasons and excuses game is very popular.
Be Cool — it’s definitely better to be cool than to get what you want … Or is it?
Quit — when you’re up against the difficult challenges, this one always works if your real intent
is to fail.
Observe — distance may make the heart grow fonder; however, assuming the observer role is the
exact opposite of 100% participation.
Intellectualize — this way to avoid is great. After all, how can anyone criticize a great thinker?
Be Right — some people would rather be right than get results. It’s an empty victory and it is a
victory.
Know It All — this is another great way to avoid, and also you’re guaranteed to learn absolutely
nothing.

30
Play It Safe — boring, boring, boring.
Protect Your Image — and Look Good. The goal here includes protecting the identity at all
costs, including the cost of lousy results.
Blame — often convenient, and the people who use this way to avoid can always find a target
for their blame.
Confusion — how perfect this one is! After all, no one can criticize you if you just don’t understand.
Food, Alcohol, and Entertainment — these are the BIG ONES in current culture. All fine when
used in moderation. When used to avoid, they usually are used excessively and abusively.

What’s your favorite? When you just want to avoid and sabotage your present and future ….
What do you do to avoid?

Be clear at this point that the ways you avoid are not right or wrong. They are actually neutral
mechanisms you’ve learned and probably used many times for many purposes. These ways you
avoid are in service of avoiding that next project; or in service of avoiding that person, that rela-
tionship you’re struggling to understand, or even in service of avoiding the success and happiness
you want and secretly fear you don’t deserve.

The value of gaining greater awareness about your pattern, your ways to avoid, is that once you
know yourself better in this way, you can learn to use these ways to avoid as signals to yourself. It
gives you a self-awareness tool that will tell you when you need to re-examine whether you are
operating your life in alignment with your essential purpose, a compelling vision and your values.
When you have that awareness, you have a new choice.

Soooooooo … what are your three “favorite” ways to avoid? Write them down here:
1. _________________________________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________________________________
3. _________________________________________________________________________

If you use drugs, alcohol, sex, food, or entertainment as a way to avoid, and if you feel you may
have gone over the line into addiction, I encourage you to get the help you need to bring these
powerful activities into balance in your life. They need to serve you … or be totally out of your
life. Certainly they should not run your life.

There are great therapists, support groups, and programs available and these are areas where read-
ing a book or choosing other forms of self-help is most often ineffective and sometimes even
foolish choices. If you have the awareness that any of these ways to avoid are running your life,
take responsibility for doing something about them.

Today … right now!

31
If this applies to you, and you’re not confident about finding great help, contact me
(rwhite@arcworldwide.com) and I’ll access my network to find a trusted resource to assist you.
As always, it’s your life and you have to do the work. It’s just a lot more effective to get a great
coach for an important life process.

A close cousin to avoidance, in terms of how we allow our lives to be negatively affected by
repeating dysfunctional patterns, is resistance. We choose some target like our parents or other
authority figures, our spouses, the opposite sex, our siblings, our work — the list of possible
targets for resistance goes on and on. And, of course, we’ve become more than skillful at making
ourselves right about our choice to be in resistance and how we want that person or their
influence or that job or that event out of our lives. Yet, I can say with absolute certainty that
what you resists, persists.

A huge amount of energy is needed to live in resistance. It impedes our forward motion, it
prevents us from the experience of an extraordinary life, and it can even generate damage to
important relationships and goals.

In my experience, all of us are in resistance somewhere in our lives. But we can choose to convert
our resistance and use it to our advantage. By looking closely at what you resist, you have the
opportunity to gain valuable insights, to learn and grow. In fact, resistance can be a valuable tool
if you are willing stop and notice it.

When someone makes a suggestion, do you automatically resist? Do you resist men or women,
people in authority, people who are weak or needy? Do you resist wealthy or otherwise successful
people? The awareness gained from answering such questions can push you to stop and ask
“what’s that about?” Where and when and how was that resistance created? At that point there is
often much to be discovered, learned, and resolved. The result is always the freeing up of your
energy, a movement from contraction and feeling heavy to one of expanding and feeling lighter.
If you don’t deal with resistance, you remain stuck. It never goes away on its own; it just gets
tougher to deal with.

What do you resist? ___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Who do you resist? ____________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

32
How do you express your resistance (pouting, anger, withdrawal, withholding communication, etc.)?
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What is the price you pay for staying in resistance? ___________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What simple steps could you take to allow your resistance to be converted to flowing energy and
acceptance? __________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What would be the energetic result if you reduced the amount and frequency of the resistance
pattern in your life? ___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

The ways we avoid and the choice to remain in resistance are valuable tools should we decide to
use them for greater awareness and new, more productive and satisfying choices. What we are
really talking about here is the management of our personal energy, and the laws of physics apply
within us just as they do in the outer world. Energy is either expanding or contracting at any
given moment — it is never stable.

My perspective gained from working with thousands of people over the past 30 years is that life
is all about our energy. When we are experiencing contraction, creativity disappears, illness and
accidents are attracted to us, and results are not what we say we want. When we are experiencing
expansion, people are attracted to us, we get what we want and our lives are we are filled with joy
and wonder.

33
Chapter 7:
Who’s That Fabulous Person Hiding
Under Your Image?

When we are young children, we don’t have a care in the

world. We laugh and cry spontaneously. We’re alert and “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The
honest. We let people know when something isn’t right, greatest loss is what dies inside us while
and we’re committed to getting attention we want or we live.”
need … right now! Norman Cousins

Unfortunately it doesn’t take us long to learn to abide by

all the social and cultural conventions and to conform to all the do’s and the don’ts of what socie-
ty expects of us. As we grow, we often get put down by those around us; we get hurt and are
encouraged to feel guilty or ashamed or stupid or different. Our self-esteem and self-love, once
overflowing, get hammered; we start taking on beliefs about ourselves and our world, many of
them negative and damaging. Our childhood experiences shape our view of who we are, and for
most of us it’s a much diminished view.

Soon, who we think we are, and who we imagine we are supposed to be, start coming into con-
flict. We discover that our hopes and dreams, thoughts and feelings, evoke reactions in others
that are unpleasant or even dangerous. We learn that, in order to get along, we have to “go
along.” So we develop a thick shell — an image — to protect us from getting hurt, to keep us
safe, and to allow us to fit into society. Who we really are takes a back seat, until pretty soon our
image is all that we show and, after some time passes, all we know. Inevitably, we become our
image, we adopt an identity. With our true selves hidden away, we are often in pain and holding
back, afraid to come out and just be ourselves.

Some common images include “dumb guy,” “cute girl,” “powerful executive,” “can handle any-
thing,” “don’t need people/approval/relationships,” “self-contained,” “wild and crazy,” “office
nurturer,” and “successful.” What’s yours?

The image/identity I most often portray is _________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What I give up in order to maintain that image/identity is _____________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

34
The way I really feel about myself, my self-esteem is __________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

The brilliant book by Dr. M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled, begins with the words “Life is
difficult.” This is not news to any of us, is it? We all know life is hard. Don’t we? It turns out, in
fact, that we don’t know that. As Dr. Peck points out, many of us hold the unrealistic expectation
that life should be easy and fair and just and comfortable. As a result, the normal ups and downs,
joys and pains, of everyday life show up as a living hell of disappointment and frustration.
Spiritual and philosophical leaders have been telling us for a couple of thousand years that our
expectations are what create all the hopelessness in our lives, and we still don’t get it.

Conversely, if we accept the reality that life is difficult, demanding and often painful, then the
day-to-day living of it is no longer so onerous. In accepting life as it really is, we transcend it. Or,
as they say on Wall Street, “The market has already discounted the bad news.” The problem is
that we’ve made this crazy creation called expectations.

Why go through life being irritated and angry, or feeling defeated because reality does not
conform to our expectations? Wouldn’t it make more sense to change our attitudes, beliefs, and
expectations to fit the way that life is? Well, it might make more sense, but it is not always how
we act. As long as human beings are future-oriented, we will generate notions of what has not yet
been created, which means that we will continue to have expectations.

The challenge we face is distinguishing between useful envisioning of the future as something to
be created, versus expecting things to evolve according to our preconceptions — and then feeling
victimized when events don’t unfold as we expected.

The expectations others have held for me include ____________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The expectations I’ve accepted for myself include ____________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The ways these expectations have served me are _____________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

35
The ways these expectations have gotten in the way of living an authentic, joyful life are
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

Whether it is progress in an important relationship, a pro-

motion at work, or a big sale to close … you probably have
figured out by now that I have fairly strong beliefs that your
self-confidence will have a lot to do with your ability to cre-
ate the results you want. We can’t do anything about chang-
ing your early childhood programming that is often the
source of low self-confidence and low self-esteem. That was
then and this is now. Today, the number-one contributor to
building that confidence is your results — whether you’ve
labeled them successes or failures. Self-esteem is part of a
virtuous circle that responds very positively to becoming a
consistent result producer.
“Expectations also keep us in illusion. We
set up our expectations for someone, we
project them onto the other person, and then
we start reacting to our expectations as if
they were real. Expectations and the illusion
of control are intimately linked.”
Dr. Anne Wilson Schaef
Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much

The position we’ve taken at ARC Worldwide is that in life, you either have the results you want
or you have reasons to explain why you don’t have them. If you have the results, you don’t need
the reasons.

The hit parade of reasons includes “I’m not that smart,” “I’m too busy to spend time with… ,”
“the boss just doesn’t like me,” “she or he is just unreasonable,” “people just don’t like me,” and
that perennial favorite, some version of “the dog ate my homework.”

The reasons I most often give when I don’t have the results I say I want are
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
What beliefs will you have to give up — about yourself, other people, the world — to create
positive change in your life? ____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
When I have the results I say I want, I feel _________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

36
 Chapter 8:
Attitude’s No Platitude

We all know that attitude can generate results. The most

“Attitude, to me, is more important than the important distinction that people must learn if they are
facts. It is more important than the past, interested in rapidly and measurably improving their lives
than education, than money, than circum- is the power of results to positively affect our attitudes.
stances, than failures, than successes, than Perhaps now is a good time to share more with you my
what other people may think or say or do. It rationale for why results are so important, and how to
improve your ability to create them.
is more important than appearance, gifted-
ness, or skill. It will make or break a compa- Our results, beyond handling survival, determine where
ny, a church, a home ... I am convinced that we live, what we support in terms of charity, our freedom
life is ten percent of what happens to me to spend quality time with our loved ones, our credibility
and ninety percent of how I react to it. And with those whom we want to influence, our opportunities
so it is with you.” for further learning and growth and much, much more.
Charles Swindoll
I say that to create a result, any result, I need my inten-
tion, plus a mechanism. For example, if I want to go
from here to Tokyo, I need my intention to go, plus a mechanism like an airplane. However,
unless I have an intention to go there, I won’t look for the mechanisms that best suit me. So let’s
look at some of the underlying machinery that generates intention.

I say that every result in your life is 100% from your intention. Not just some of your results,
but every result, is 100% from your intention. In other words, everything in your life is the way
it is because it’s your intention to have it be that way.

Knowing that multiple “mechanisms” are available — and they are — to get you the results you
want, and based on your current results, what does this say about your overall level of intention? _
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

37
There is value in recognizing that there are many levels of intention; and the higher you go on
the scale, the more effective you’ll be.
Commitment
Like to/Want to
Trying
Wishing
Maintenance
Resistance

Bring to mind several examples of results you intended to achieve by this point in your life.
Complete the sentences below to discover what has been more important than what you say
you want.

One result I intended to have by this time in my life is ________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
The story I tell myself about why I don’t have it is ___________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
My payoffs (avoiding risk or failure, avoiding responsibility, being right, protecting my image,
gaining attention, sympathy, or approval, etc.) for not achieving what I say I want are
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
My real intention in this situation is or was _________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
In your life, perhaps you’ve had the experience of saying your intention is one thing, but you get
a different result than you say you want. Often it is some limiting belief that acts as a block or
barrier, such as “I’m not intelligent enough,” “I don’t deserve it,” “I don’t want to be more suc-
cessful than my father,” “I don’t have the ability,” “I’m not worth that much,” or “Money is evil.”

Beliefs and/or attitudes that may have undermined my intention and sabotaged my getting what
I want are ___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

38

“People say that ‘seeing is believing.’ A
more accurate description of human
perception is: ‘I wouldn’t have seen
it if I hadn’t believed it.’”
Robert White
Your current beliefs about yourself and the world around
you determine what’s possible for you. You can become
much more aware by completing the following state-
ments. Write down the first words that come to mind,
without censoring or editing yourself, and then write
some more. Look ever deeper within and … be honest!

Men are _____________________________________

Women are _________________________________________________________________
I am ______________________________________________________________________
I’m confident that ____________________________________________________________
I’m afraid that _______________________________________________________________
Up to this point my life has been ________________________________________________
My future is _________________________________________________________________
I deserve to _________________________________________________________________
I don’t think I’ll ever __________________________________________________________
My body is _________________________________________________________________
My strengths include __________________________________________________________
My weaknesses include ________________________________________________________
The best thing about me is _____________________________________________________
The worst thing about me is ____________________________________________________
I can ______________________________________________________________________
I can’t _____________________________________________________________________
To the opposite sex I’m ________________________________________________________
I have the potential to _________________________________________________________
I don’t have the potential to ____________________________________________________
As far as intelligence goes, I’m ___________________________________________________
What I love about myself is _____________________________________________________
What I don’t like about myself is _________________________________________________
I trust myself to ______________________________________________________________
I don’t trust myself to _________________________________________________________
What I don’t want others to know about me is ______________________________________
What I really value about me is __________________________________________________

39
I criticize myself for ___________________________________________________________
People who know me well would describe me as _____________________________________
I have to ___________________________________________________________________
If my life were a book or a movie, the title would be _________________________________

Take a moment now to review what you’ve written. What patterns of thought, and particularly of
limitation, do you see there? From the list, choose five negative beliefs that tend to limit your
confidence, self-esteem, and accomplishment. For each of those five limiting beliefs, use the space
below to write two positive affirmations. An affirmation is a way to use language to alter deep
patterning within yourself. It is a direct, simple “I am” statement that describes what you choose
to become.

Example: if one of my limiting beliefs is “I don’t have what it takes to succeed,” a positive affir-
mation to reprogram my mind could be “I deserve to be successful in every area of my life.” Or,
“I have everything I need to be completely successful.”

Repeating positive affirmations daily, or even more often, is a proven and powerful way to shift
your beliefs and alter your results for the better.

Limiting belief: ______________________________________________________________

Affirmation: I am ____________________________________________________________

Limiting belief: ______________________________________________________________

Affirmation: I am ____________________________________________________________

Limiting belief: ______________________________________________________________

Affirmation: I am ____________________________________________________________

Limiting belief: ______________________________________________________________

Affirmation: I am ____________________________________________________________

Limiting belief: ______________________________________________________________

Affirmation: I am ____________________________________________________________

40
Chapter 9:
You Are the Source – Really!

Remember, “responsibility” and “blame” are not synonymous. When we hear the word responsi-
bility, we may think of blame and fault: “Who’s responsible for this mess in the kitchen?” Or, we
may be reminded of duty, burden, and obligation: “I’m responsible for going to work to support
my family.” These connotations usually give the word responsibility a negative overtone.

Instead, make a distinction about the blame or victim interpretation of responsible and under-
stand responsibility such that it means “I am the source of everything in my life. I am the cause,
the origin, of everything I do, everything I have, and all the ways that I am. Through the choices
I make, I create all the results in my life.” This way of looking at ourselves maximizes our experi-
ence of empowerment and effectiveness.

For the next two days, conduct an experiment. You’ll learn a lot, have a lot of fun, and possibly
change your entire experience of life from ordinary to extraordinary.

The first day, adopt a victim or “blame-frame” attitude about everything. Blame others, fate,
luck, circumstances. Whenever the smallest circumstance goes wrong, think in terms of being a
victim and finding someone to blame. Write down your responses, feelings, and experiences
below.

The second day, adopt an “outcome-frame” attitude, and take personal responsibility for every-
thing. How do you feel? Which day made you feel more empowered and in control of your life?

Day One: The Victim

Belief/Attitude _______________________________________________________________

Feeling _____________________________________________________________________

Behavior ____________________________________________________________________

Payoffs _____________________________________________________________________

Negative Consequences ________________________________________________________

41
Day Two: The Responsible Person

Belief/Attitude _______________________________________________________________

Feeling _____________________________________________________________________

Behavior ____________________________________________________________________

Payoffs _____________________________________________________________________

Negative Consequences ________________________________________________________

Responsibility is not the Truth with a capital T. It’s a point
of view that you can choose to take regarding all of the
events in your life. If you choose to approach life from the
responsible point of view, it means giving up your excuses,
your avoidances, all the manipulative games you play when
you feel like a victim. In return, what you gain is freedom,
clarity, and the empowering experience of being in control
and in charge of your life.
Responsibility is the foundation of personal power and
living an extraordinary life.
“Optimism is a strategy for making a better
future. Because unless you believe that the
future can be better you are unlikely to step
up and take responsibility for making it so.
If you assume there is no hope, you guaran-
tee there will be no hope. If you assume
there is an instinct for freedom, there are
opportunities to change things, there’s a
chance you may contribute to making a
better world. The choice is yours.”
Noam Chomsky

42
Chapter 10:
Do I Really “Have To?”

What are the “payoffs” you get from holding onto your guilt, shame and feelings of blame? What
are the payoffs from holding onto your “have to’s”?

Spend a day observing other people. Are their “lights” on or off? How many people do you visi-
bly see carrying around their “have-to’s” with their lights off? How many people do you see visi-
bly lights on and empowered by choice? Write your observations and thoughts here.
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

Why would a person hang onto guilt or shame or regret for years and years …. and in the
process, ruin their life? The answer is simple and profound. It’s because we’re getting something
from holding onto those interpretations and judgments; it seems more valuable than any alterna-
tive we currently see. We call these “somethings” our payoffs, and as you know from previous seg-
ments, becoming aware and responsible about our payoffs can pay real and long-term dividends.

I notice myself feeling guilt or shame or regret about _________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
My payoff(s) for holding onto this memory in this way include(s)________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
I notice myself feeling guilt or shame or regret about _________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
My payoff(s) for holding onto this memory in this way include(s)________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

43
I notice myself feeling guilt or shame or regret about __________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
My payoff(s) for holding on to this memory in this way include(s) _______________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

My personal experience, and noticing the experience of the hundreds of thousands of participants
in our seminars over the years, tells me this about guilt. Guilt comes from holding a high
standard for yourself and simultaneously violating it. You have limited choices to deal with and
eliminate the corrosive effect guilt has on aliveness, relationships, and results:

• One choice is to not do any action that doesn’t meet your standards, that violates your
values. Of course, almost always our awareness of guilt arrives after the action, so this choice
is almost never available to us.
• A second choice is to lower your standards. Yes, I’m serious about this. Recognize that you
actually are the kind of person who would do whatever it was that you did and that holding
onto a false sense of who you really are is ultimately self-defeating.
• Another choice is to take full responsibility for your action … learn what you need to learn
… and let it go. Blame, shame, guilt, and regret belong where they took place — in the past.
No payoff can be worth the drain on energy and the diminished self-worth they create. Let
them go.

One of the major sources of guilt are the many experiences of “have to” in our lives. Anytime
that we repeatedly do something that is experienced negatively or painfully, it means that at a
deeper level, we’re getting some payoff that makes the suffering worth putting up with. We’re
also often unconscious about these payoffs — we don’t like to admit to ourselves how addicted
we are to them. Once again, the pattern that works is to increase awareness, take responsibility,
and begin communicating in a more positive, powerful way.

List ten things you have to do or ways you have to be at this time in your life. Work quickly,
taking the first thought that comes to mind. Each “have to” should be something you actually
do and that creates a predominantly negative experience.

Examples: I have to go to work. I have to pay taxes. I have to cook and clean.

1. I have to _________________________________________________________________
2. I have to _________________________________________________________________
3. I have to _________________________________________________________________

44
4. I have to _________________________________________________________________
5. I have to _________________________________________________________________
6. I have to _________________________________________________________________
7. I have to _________________________________________________________________
8. I have to _________________________________________________________________
9. I have to _________________________________________________________________
10. I have to ________________________________________________________________

Notice how you feel when you bring all these “have to’s” to mind. We use a very scientific term
for describing this feeling: the grungies. Approaching anything I do as a “have to” automatically
generates the grungies: everything from feeling angry, annoyed, vengeful, irritated and indiffer-
ent, to sad, isolated, frustrated, revengeful, powerless, and resigned. “I have to” is where lifeless-
ness, anxiety, depression, and victimhood begin.

Now review your list and choose three “have to” items that feel the heaviest and most burden-
some to you. Write those three in the spaces below and complete the exercise by including the
specific payoffs you enjoy from those “have to’s.”

1. I have to ________________________________________________________________
My payoffs are ____________________________________________________________
2. I have to ________________________________________________________________
My payoffs are ____________________________________________________________
3. I have to ________________________________________________________________
My payoffs are ____________________________________________________________

Now, in turn, choose each of the three “have to’s” from above and complete the following exercise.

I have to ___________________________________________________________ (A)

If I don’t ______________________________(A) then _______________________(B)
If _________________________ (B) then _______________________(C) will happen.
If _________________________ (C) then ________________________(D) will happen.

Keep going until you get to the “bottom line” for yourself. The final line is always:

Therefore, I choose to ___________________________________________________(A)

45
I have to ___________________________________________________________ (A)
If I don’t ______________________________(A) then _______________________(B)
If _________________________ (B) then _______________________(C) will happen.
If _________________________ (C) then ________________________(D) will happen.
Therefore, I choose to ___________________________________________________(A)

I have to ___________________________________________________________ (A)

If I don’t ______________________________(A) then _______________________(B)
If _________________________ (B) then _______________________(C) will happen.
If _________________________ (C) then ________________________(D) will happen.
Therefore, I choose to ___________________________________________________(A

Here’s a powerful suggestion: tomorrow, from the moment you awake until your head hits the
pillow again tomorrow night, choose everything you do and every way that you are. Do this by
simply saying “I choose to __________” to yourself every time you do something, and every
time you are a certain way.

Examples: “I choose to wake up. I choose to open my eyes. I choose to feel sleepy. I choose to get
up. I choose to still be tired. I choose to take a shower.”

Notice during the day how you feel and how the people around you “show up” as you choose
your day. Write out the experiences of your day below.
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________
_______________________________________________
_______________________________________________ “The latter part of a wise man’s life is taken
up in curing the follies, prejudices, and false
_______________________________________________
opinions he contracted in the former.”
Jonathan Swift, 1706

46
Chapter 11:
Keeping Your Agreements

Let’s review some of the prices and rewards for breaking and keeping agreements:

Prices for breaking agreements Rewards for keeping agreements

Lose trust from others Gain trust from others
Destroy relationships Build relationships
Lower self-confidence Increase self-confidence
Damage self-esteem Raise self-esteem
Undermine self-respect Enhance self-respect
Create confusion, loss of clarity More clarity, focus
Lower energy level Higher energy level

As you achieve insight and clarity, complete the statements below to formulate your action plan
for creating new, more productive habits in the area of making and keeping agreements:

1. The people I most often break agreements with are ________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
2. The situations in which I most often break my agreements with myself are
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
3. The situations in which I most often break my agreements with others are
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
4. I set myself up to break agreements by… ________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
5. My payoffs for making agreements I do not keep are _______________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

47
6. To keep my agreements, what I need to risk is ____________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
7. By keeping my agreements, what I will gain is ____________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

“Living an extraordinary life is not an

accident or fate. It is, in fact, a highly
intentional series of choices and actions.”
Robert White

48
Chapter 12:
Levels of Purpose and Commitment

In this chapter Robert compares the common pursuit of happiness with a more fulfilling choice
— to experience joy on all that life has to offer you. He demystifies some of the clichés associated
with materialistic fulfillment and reminds us that ultimate joy does not come from having more,
but from giving more in our lives and having a deeper purpose as the motivating factor.

1. Robert opens this chapter by claiming that dissatisfaction is actually a gift that propels
mankind into power feats of creation and manifestation. Take a moment to review your life, and
list three ways in which your own dissatisfaction has instigated some form of positive change.
Situation 1:__________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Situation 2:__________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Situation 3:__________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

2. Joy is described as being in a state of contentment with your life despite distressing or sad cir-
cumstances that may arise. Describe a time in which you experienced joy in your life. Why did
you choose joy at that point in time?
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

3. “Money can’t buy happiness” is reiterated in this chapter. Think back to times of greatest joy in
your life. Was financial abundance the reason for your joy? Make a list of 10 things that you believe
truly bring you joy in your life. Once you have completed this list, cross out 7, cutting the list
down to 3 things. Then cross out 2, leaving you with 1 final thing. Is money at the top of this list?
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

49
4. What external trappings (money, fame, beauty, power) do you find yourself drawn to pursue
in order to find joy in your life? In the space provided below, make a list of the most prominent
ones in your life.
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

5. Robert sites simple times in which one has little money as often the most joyful. Write about
a situation in your life in which you experienced great joy.
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

6. Robert lists the levels of reasons for living as being survival, then fun, and finally contribu-
tion. What is your current reason for living? How do you currently contribute to the well-being
of others in your life?
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

7. People find greater meaning in their lives by living with greater responsibility, honor, and
compassion. List three ways that you can bring more of these three elements into your life.
I can create greater meaning in my life by:
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

50
I can create greater meaning in my life by:
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

I can create greater meaning in my life by:

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

If you have not already done so, begin to draw your focus outward beyond your material desires.
You will undoubtedly discover that your life will vastly improve as you start to contribute to the
betterment of the lives of those around you. As you open the doors to your greater self, you
awaken a world of endless possibilities.

Measuring the power of commitment

There is only one way to measure commitment — look at the results. Based on results, what is
your level of commitment to:

Your career __________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Your health__________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Your personal relationships ______________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Your community _____________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Your level of satisfaction with your life _____________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

51
Your continued learning and development _________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

Think about it for a few moments. What are some things you can do to develop a strong, bind-
ing commitment in the areas of:
Career______________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Health _____________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Personal relationships _________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Community ________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Your level of satisfaction in life ___________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Your continued learning and development __________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________

52
Self-awareness and self-discovery are all about you alone answering the important questions in
your life. You are unique, one-of-a-kind. There has never been anyone like you in the world
before, and there never will be again. Only you can solve the problems created by you or
presented to you in your life. Only you can decide to take control of your life, take it to new
and exciting levels, and begin to see new possibilities.

Around the beginning of the 20th century, psychologist William James said: “The greatest
discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter their life by altering their attitude.”
That is what Living An Extraordinary Life: Eight Power Principles to Create a Life of Meaning and
Abundance is all about. It can become the blueprint for taking your life to a level you once only
dreamed of. Work through this guidebook and continue to listen to this program. Each time
you listen and learn, you will absorb more of what it takes to live an extraordinary life.

53
 The Gift You Are
Words and Music by John Denver
(Used with permission of Hal Thau, the Denver family and Cherry Lane Music)

Imagine a month of Sundays, each one a cloudy day

Imagine the moment the sun came shining through
Imagine that ray of sunshine, is you

Remember your darkest hour, with dawn still far away

Remember the way you longed for morning’s light
And think of yourself as a candle in the night

Make believe this is the first day, everything all brand new
Make believe that the sun is your own lucky star
And then understand the kind of gift you are

The gift you are, like the very first breath of spring
The gift you are, all the joy that love can bring
The gift you are, all of our dreams come true
The gift you are, the gift of you

You are the promise of all the ages, you are the Prodigal Son
You are the vision of prophets and sages
You are the only one

Dream of a bright tomorrow, know that your dream will come true
Carry your dream in a sparkling crystal jar
Then you will know the kind of gift you are

The gift you are, like the very first breath of spring
The gift you are, all the joy that love can bring
The gift you are, all of our dreams come true
The gift you are, the gift of you

54
 Living An Extraordinary Life
This is your personal commitment sheet. Print this out, complete the statements, sign it,
if possible have someone witness it, then put it where you will see it every day to
remind you of your commitment and decision to Live An Extraordinary Life!

My Personal Commitment
My purpose, vision, and values drive my decisions, my goals and anything I want to
accomplish. My purpose specifically gives meaning to my actions.

My personal purpose, my reason for being, for working and for living is:

My vision informs me why I take action; it paints a bright compelling picture that
engages all of my energies and abilities and focuses them toward accomplishment.

My compelling vision for my life is:

I promise to:
1. DECIDE I have decided clearly, 5. TAKE RISKS I break through limitations.
specifically and positively what I want. 6. PARTICIPATE 100% I am a full
2. BE HONEST I am honest with myself participant in my life and with those
and with others, so I enjoy trust in important to me.
relationships. 7. CREATE PARTNERSHIP I play a
3. TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY win-win game with everyone in my life.
I own my results, while avoiding blame 8. COMMIT I do what it takes to be
of others and myself. my word.
4. EXPRESS MYSELF I express my unique
contribution to family, friends, colleagues
and community.
I, (signed) , on (date) ,
understand that by signing this commitment I am making a promise to myself,
my family, and my friends, colleagues, and community to be totally committed
to following the Eight Elements of Personal and Organizational Effectiveness
to live in integrity with my purpose and vision.

Witness: (signed) , on (date) .

If possible have a spouse, friend, or relative verify your commitment.

55
iJournal

56
iJournal

57
 Life
I Choose to Lead an
Extraordinary

arc worldwide
Powered by Possibility “ The real breakthrough toward experiencing an extraordinary
life is to fully realize the gift you are to your family, your friends,
your work and your community. Celebrate the gift you are and
the positive difference you make every day.”

— Robert White

ARC Worldwide helps people who have a commitment to excellence by

improving their personal effectiveness and organizational results through
high impact seminars, coaching, adult education media and internet-based
support.
For additional information telephone us at
888/272-3932
or look in on our website www.arcworldwide.com

“Life is like alchemy. It is a process of transforming ourselves —

body, mind, and spirit — into personal gold — into a unified
whole where we create the results and quality of experience
that we most desire.”

— Dennis Becker

58
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22200PG1-WCDR
 Living An Extraordinary Life
This is your personal commitment sheet. Print this out, complete the statements, sign it,
if possible have someone witness it, then put it where you will see it every day to
remind you of your commitment and decision to Live An Extraordinary Life!

My Personal Commitment
My purpose, vision, and values drive my decisions, my goals and anything I want to
accomplish. My purpose specifically gives meaning to my actions.

My personal purpose, my reason for being, for working and for living is:

My vision informs me why I take action; it paints a bright compelling picture that
engages all of my energies and abilities and focuses them toward accomplishment.

My compelling vision for my life is:

I promise to:
1. DECIDE I have decided clearly, 5. TAKE RISKS I break through limitations.
specifically and positively what I want. 6. PARTICIPATE 100% I am a full
2. BE HONEST I am honest with myself participant in my life and with those
and with others, so I enjoy trust in important to me.
relationships. 7. CREATE PARTNERSHIP I play a
3. TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY win-win game with everyone in my life.
I own my results, while avoiding blame 8. COMMIT I do what it takes to be
of others and myself. my word.
4. EXPRESS MYSELF I express my unique
contribution to family, friends, colleagues
and community.
I, (signed) , on (date) ,
understand that by signing this commitment I am making a promise to myself,
my family, and my friends, colleagues, and community to be totally committed
to following the Eight Elements of Personal and Organizational Effectiveness
to live in integrity with my purpose and vision.

Witness: (signed) , on (date) .

If possible have a spouse, friend, or relative verify your commitment.

56
 “Life is like alchemy. It is a process of trans-
forming ourselves — body, mind, and spirit
— into personal gold — into a unified
whole where we create the results and quali-
ty of experience that we most desire.”
— Dennis Becker

ARC Worldwide helps people who have a commitment to

excellence by improving their personal effectiveness and
organizational results through high impact seminars, coaching,
adult education media and internet-based support.

For additional information telephone us at

888/272-3932
or look in on our website www.arcworldwide.com

“The real breakthrough toward experiencing

an extraordinary life is to fully realize the
gift you are to your family, your friends,
your work and your community. Celebrate
the gift you are and the positive difference
you make every day.”
— Robert White

Life
I Choose to Lead an
Extraordinary

arc worldwide
Powered by Possibility
My purpose, vision and values drive my decisions, my
goals and anything I want to accomplish. My purpose
specifically gives meaning to my actions.
My personal purpose, my reason for being, for
working and for living is:

My vision informs me why I take action; it paints a

bright compelling picture that engages all of my
energies and abilities and focuses them toward
accomplishment. My compelling vision for my life is:

The Eight Elements of Personal and

Organizational Effectiveness empower me to
live in integrity with my purpose and vision.

I promise to:
1 DECIDE I have decided clearly, specifically and
positively what I want.
2 BE HONEST I am honest with myself and
with others, so I enjoy trust in relationships.
3 TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY I own
my results, while avoiding blame of others and
myself.
4 EXPRESS MYSELF I express my unique con-
tribution to family, friends, colleagues and
community.
5 TAKE RISKS I break through limitations.
6 PARTICIPATE 100% I am a full participant in my
life and with those important to me.
7 CREATE PARTNERSHIP I play a win-win game
with everyone in my life.
8 COMMIT I do what it takes to be my word.
22200MS2