FRAME GAMES

 I CAN TAKE CHARGE OF MY OWN BRAIN AND RUN IT WITH EFFICIENCY AND CHOICE
 I CAN, AND WILL, DETECT THE FRAMES THAT I’VE BEEN LIVING BY AND TAKE COMPLETE CHARGE OF SETTING THE
FRAMES THAT I WANT TO SET – FRAMES THAT WILL ENHANCE MY LIFE AND SERVE MY VALUES
 I CAN AND WILL LEARN THIS INFORMATION BY SIMPLY APPLYING MY TIME, ENERGY, AND MOTIVATION TO IT. AS I
DO, I WILL INCREASE MY INTELLIGENCE AND ENABLE ME TO PLAY INNER GAME OF LEARNING AND BECOMING A
FEROCIOUS LEARNER IN A WAY THAT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE MY LIFE
 THE MERE ACTION OF UNCONSCIOSLY THINKING ABOUT THE PAST IMPLIES A META-FRAME OF “I don’t trust my gut
instinct and my decision making at any given moment is not good enough”
 I WILL ALLOW NO PERSON’S OPINION, NO INFLUENCE TO ENTER MY MIND WHICH DOES NOT HARMONIZE WITH MY
PURPOSE
 I, AND ONLY I, ULTIMATELY DETERMINE WHAT I THINK AND FEEL. NOBODY CAN MAKE ME THINK OR FEEL
ANYTHING. I ALWAYS PLAY A DETERMINATIVE ROLE ABOUT WHAT I LET INTO MY MIND AND WHAT I GIVE
ATTENTION TO

 You actually live in frames within frames within frames (a matrix of frames). Control your frame and you realize that
your experience, reality, skills, emotions, and sense of self are in your hands to a much greater extent than
previously imagined

 First you learn to construct meaning, THEN you embody that meaning in your posture, walk, muscles, face, and
eyes…and also your actions, behaviors, skills, competencies, emotions, and health

 We can alter our lives by altering our state of mind

 Learn to view life as a “game” with you as the player.

 All of life is a game – played inside of frames, within frames of frames

 Inner game = mental frame (ideas, understanding, visions, values, plans, strategies, beliefs, rules, concepts,
premises, what you have learned, what you have invented, what defines for you the meaning of things)
Outer game = actions, skills, performances, interactions, what people see and respond to).
Both go on simultaneously, influencing each other.

 All of our outer games of performance are determined by our inner game of our mental and emotional frames.
Additionally, our outer games also provide feedback to our inner game

 Frame games = inner games + outer games.

 Frames govern Games. i.e. to play any game, a frame of mind is required

 Either you play the games mindfully, or the games will play you. These are your rogue inner games, or they are the
games that your culture, family set for you and that the others invite you to play all day long

 Mindfully setting and playing the games you choose is a form of assertiveness
 Games are played in the mind-body-emotion system

 Every mood, attitude, skills, behavior, role, ritual, feelings etc. that we experience is a game (i.e. a set of patterned
responses)(a structured set of interactions that has rules and meanings)

 Begin by assuming that each game you play makes sense, is meaningful, and is being played to achieve something.
Do this so you can understand how your game got set up and what value they provide to you. This allows us to
accept games for what they are – just behaviors without judging or condemning them. Then this gives us the space
to explore the positive intentions behind them. We can also then separate the player from the game.
o Games are neither good nor bad
o They are simply:
 Un-useful
 Useful
 Powerfully useful

 The frame is the problem. The person, event, circumstance, thought, emotion, behavior is never the problem

 Ever ask yourself, why you feel depressed as soon as you wake up, when nothing has happened yet in the morning?
You boot up your mind computer, and immediately load up and access your default frame-of-reference. This default
frame-of-reference is the problem, not you, or your world, or your situation.

 The experience of an event does not create our reality. Our framing of the experience does. By itself, experience
means nothing. Meaning is never in the event. It is in the mind of the meaning-maker.

 While, we are always in some frame of mind, we have control over which frames we choose and play

 The frames we set at the highest level in our matrix of meaning will have the most influential role as to what gets
replicated and reproduced in our feelings and behaviors.
o Higher level frames = increasingly abstract language
 Low level frame = sensory-based language.

 It is difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame

 At the heart of framing is the process of “meta-stating”. It is by meta-stating that we frame and set frames. The
quality of your state “X” is the meta-state that governs the state ”X” . The properties and features of my state arises
from my meta-state
o (e.g. controlled anger)
 Being in Control is my meta-state
 Anger is my state
o (e.g. reading this book)
 “I am unhappy now” is my meta-meta-meta-meta state
 “I am constantly seeking happiness” is my meta-meta-meta state ^
 “dealing with people better will make me happy” is my meta-meta state ^
 “Learning skills will make me better at dealing with people” is my meta state ^
 “I like to learn new skills through books” is my state ^
 “Let’s learn so I can improve myself” is the game I’m currently playing
 o (e.g. reading this book – with improved frames)
 “I have been given the privilege of life and I am going to life my purpose fully” is my meta-meta-
meta-meta state
 “The more aware I become of myself and the world, the more I’m living my purpose” is my meta-
meta-meta state ^
 “The more I know myself, the more aware I become of myself and the world around me” is my
meta-meta state ^
 “Learning and applying new skills is fun and it helps me know myself more” is my meta-state ^
 “I am a ferocious learner” is my state ^
 “Let’s learn so I can improve myself” is the game I’m currently playing

 You can take charge of your mind and emotions. You can set that mind-elevating idea in your head as your frame of
reference. And when you do, something magical will happen

 The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand, as in playing a poor hand well

RULES OF THE FRAME GAMES

 The Key to excellence lies in knowing, practicing, and mastering the rules of the inner and outer games:
a. FRAMES GOVERN EVERYTHING: IT IS ALWAYS A MATTER OF FRAMES
 This includes frames that we set, frames that are set for us, and frames that we buy into.
 The more outside of our awareness the frame, the more it plays us
 The more awareness we develop, the more control we have over the game
b. WHOEVER SETS THE FRAME – CONTROLS THE GAME
WHOEVER CHANGES A FRAME – ALTERS THE GAME
 Someone always sets a frame
 Awareness of frames empowers us for frame setting, changing, and rejecting
c. IT IS NEVER THE PERSON, IT IS ALWAYS THE FRAME THAT IS THE PROBLEM
FRAMES CREATE AND DIRECT FOCUS AND PERCEPTION
 They control the shift and concentration of our focus
 i.e. our focus results from, and is a function of, our frames
d. IT TAKES FRAME DETECTION SKILLS TO MASTER THE INNER AND OUTER GAMES
 Awareness of the frame means shifting from content to structure
 Content = thoughts within the frame
 Structure = higher level thoughts that we are empowered to shape and control the inner and
outer games
 Without frame detection skills we live blind to the governing frames that control our lives
e. THE NAME OF THE GAME IS TO NAME THE GAME
 Naming the game exposes the frame
f. WHERE THERE IS A FRAME, THERE IS A GAME NEARBY –i.e. A MIND-BODY STATE
WHERE THERE IS A GAME – THERE’S A GOVERNING FRAME OVERHEAD
 Frames create meaning, and induce the corresponding mental and emotional states that we feel
 This state of mind-body-emotion is self-reinforcing – it interprets reality in a way that conforms
to the set frame
 States have energies which we can learn to see, hear, and feel
g. OUR BRAIN FRAMES WITH THE “STUFF” OF THOUGHTS
  The material out of which we construct our world of meaning, communication, significance, etc.
consists of the fluid and malleable “thoughts”.
 It does so at multiple levels (meta-levels)
h. MAGIC HAPPENS WHEN WE DETECT AND TRANSFORM OUR MEANING FRAMES
 The magic lies in the shifting of the framing and meta-framing, by using other communication
messages and putting one into a meta-relationship to another.
 The real magic lies in shifting (re-framing) the higher or meta frames
i. BRAIN FRAMES THRIVE ON SYMBOLS
 The linguistic and non-linguistic symbols you feed a brain are what subconsciously set your
frame
 Even the tiniest little word can sometimes fully establish and set powerful frames-of-mind that
control perception, memory, experience, behavior, emotion, and even skills
 Because frames are made out of the stuff of “representations” and “thoughts”, raising
consciousness about symbols, symbolic systems, linguistics, etc. increases our ability to detect
frames
j. THE MAGIC OF OUR INNER AND OUTER GAMES INCREASES WITH THE INTENSITY OF VIVIDNESS AND
DRAMA THAT WE PUT INTO IT
 If you want to get an idea into your mind-body system, into the fibers of your muscles, make the
idea dance and move, give it a rhythm, a compelling voice, and let it make a memorable
impression on you

k. THE MAGIC OF OUR INNER AND OUTER GAMES INCREASES WITH THE INTENSITY OF VIVIDNESS AND
DRAMA THAT WE PUT INTO IT
 If you want to get an idea into your mind-body system, into the fibers of your muscles, make the
idea dance and move, give it a rhythm, a compelling voice, and let it make a memorable
impression on you
l. FRAME GAME MASTERS SET FRAMES BY USING REPETITION, QUESTIONS, AND MIND-TO-MUSCLE
PROCESSES
 Repeat something often enough and it will settle in, creating a groove in your neurology
 Ask lots of questions that presuppose it
 Emotionalize your thoughts (fear, anger, aversion, attraction, joy, sadness, lust, revulsion, stress,
relaxation, etc.) to facilitate mind-muscle connection
m. WE FACILITATE THE MIND-MUSCLE CONNECTION BY EMOTINALIZING THOUGHTS
 An emotion is the difference between our inner game and our outer game – i.e. our model of
the world and our experience of the world, and we register this difference in our body as an
emotion
 Emotion = the difference between expectation and experience
 If Inner game > Outer game – we feel great – we have received more from the world than we
expected
 If inner game < Outer game – we feel bad. We expect, want, believe, and hope for a lot more
than we received.
 Emotions have nothing to do with reality
 Emotions have everything to do with our relationship between our mind and body
n. PLAY FLOWS WHERE THE GAME GOES. ENERGY FLOWS WHERE ATTENTION GOES – AS DETERMINED BY
INTENTION
  The higher frame of intention and structure organizes and controls the flow of energy and
attention
 It means using questions or statements that assume some frame. Then, any answer that is given
confirms and validates the frame

 It’s not the experience, it’s the game you play with the experience (i.e. the frame you set) that determines our
beliefs, attitudes, skills, life.

 There are no “good” or “bad” experiences

o Good / bad
o Functional/dysfunctional
o Supporting/sabotaging
o Traumatic/empowering
… are all judgment frames that we bring to our experiences

 Ask yourself:
o Which frames am I currently operating this task in?
o What frame games would I prefer to be playing?
o Does anything stop me from setting that frame in my mind?

 Therapy:
1. What’s on your mind when you begin to X?
2. How do you represent this in your body?
3. Where is the tension?
4. If I could peak into the movie theater of your mind at that very moment, what would I see?
5. Do you see yourself at that moment? What about the person you’re speaking with and seeking to influence?
What state is that person in? (is he/she in the foreground or background?)
6. Now, just to explore, switch the concentration of your focus from you experiencing all of this, to the person
you’re speaking with to observe his/her state? Focus on every characteristic of that person – eyes, body
language, movement, voice – just observe very carefully. No judgment.

 The inner game of our meaning frames is not one-dimensional, but multi-dimensional (frames-within-frames). Yet,
there is a single thread that weaves this dynamic complexity
o E.g.: “I am a responsible person”
 Above that, life is all about living my purpose
 Above that, living my life’s purpose is to live a joyful life ^
 Above that, I feel joy when I do things that are valuable and important to me ^
 Above that, It is valuable and important to be a responsible person ^
 Above that, I am willing to discipline myself to continue exercising this responsibility ^
 Finally, “I am a responsible person”
 Next, I accept the consequences of what my responses elicit ^
 Next, I take ownership of my thoughts, feelings, speech, and action ^
 Next, I am willing to take ownership of my ability to respond ^
 First, I am aware of my ability to respond ^
 Learn to appreciate the frames - which will help your remain open, curious, and positive in your exploration of the
matrix. Because if you hate, resent, or fear frames (yours or another’s), you are misdirecting your focus and wasting
energy.

 “Thinking” is nothing but framing and only occurs inside of frames. Then what is the use of thinking? I think from my
persona’s frame of reference.
o Sequence of events:
 (event) Any event that occurs has no meaning in itself. Event occurs “out there” in the real world 
I see, hear, smell, taste, feel it  I make meaning out of it by linking it with my other past-made
meanings from my mind (e.g. Pavlov’s dog and bell ringing = salivating) = anchoring
 Then, I record it as a movie or snapshot in my mind, so I can play it later in the theater of my mind
(referent event, OR referencing an event)
 Later, when I think again about that event, or about a similar event, I refer back to that snapshot by
using sights, sounds, smells, taste, sensations, words, symbols, metaphors, sentences, stories, to
make sense of my thoughts and experiences. (re-presentation of reference)
 I replay and edit that snapshot again and again in my head, giving it more and more meaning and
significance, until I make judgment decisions (define and label) about that event. (edited reference)
 add sights, volume, pitch, accent, sounds, tone, size
 make judgment decisions about (define and label) the event
 add emotion
 add intention (of the other, of yourself)
 evaluate everything (useful/good/bad/valuable/worthless/right/wrong, etc.)
 Eventually, that movie and memory becomes my frame of reference for that event in the future. It
may become the filter through which I see all similar events in the future
 Using the same frame of reference repeatedly over and over again, I then set it as my frame of mind.
It becomes the way I see things, my perspective, and my belief system about all similar events. It
becomes the “meaning” I create. ( my meaning frame)
 After even more habituation, and repetition, this frame of mind becomes my frame of personality
 This frame of personality then attracts other experiences, events, situations, and people that are in
harmony with it – and pursues its own survival. A “self-fulfilling prophecy” and the Matrix world I
live in

 I AM ONLY AS FREE AS MY FRAMES ALLOW ME TO BE

 Humans, unlike animals, have the power to use symbols. Animals just use overt signals.
 Signals: growl = danger, beat the chest = alpha, walk chest open = alpha
 Symbols: Symbolic Name: yellow squishy item = banana, Symbolic Category: food, Symbolic
Concept: edible

 My version of “The Real world out there” is a self-made illusion of symbols anyways (based on my limited biological
tools). For example, I cannot see infra-red, UV, gravity energies etc. None of it is real anyways. It is all constructed.
So why not frame my experience of the “real” world in a way that is empowering to me

 The quality of my life and experiences lies in the quality of my framing: As long as I reference the event correctly, and
I re-present the reference correctly, and I edit the reference correctly, I will be able to set the correct frame to view
life’s experience in a way that empowers me.
 How do I magically modify (re-frame) one communication message or representation? Simple, use other
communication messages and put one into a meta-relationship to another. One message then relates to another
as it’s frame
o E.g.: “You are lazy and slow”
Re-frame: “that’s not laziness. That’s the exquisite ability to relax under the most harrowing of pressures
o E.g.: “You are insulting me”
Reframe: “That’s not insult at all. That’s being ruthlessly honest
o E.g.: “You betrayed me”
Reframe: “That’s not betrayal. That’s the wisdom of recognizing a higher priority in the midst of a crisis”

 The Magic of Frames = “Ideas may influence events!” (not directly, but through thoughts, meaning, communication,
and action)

 The magic is in the Higher Frames

o E.g.. basic frame: frustrated right now
Higher unhelpful frame I add (the state of mind, emotion, or body I experience when I get frustrated) =
 depression.
Therefore, I am feeling depressed frustration
Therefore, the game I am playing because of this frame and meta frame: “I am such a victim” game
o Transforming that into another frame: frustrated right now
Higher helpful frame I add (the state of mind, emotion, or body I experience when I get frustrated) =
 acceptance about my frustration : welcomed frustration
 OR/AND curiosity about my frustration: learning about frustration
 OR/AND calmness/relaxation about my frustration: calm frustration
 OR/AND loving self and others about my frustration: considerate frustration
Therefore , the game I am playing is the “I’m OK” game

FRAME DETECTION

 Awareness of the patterns makes us aware of the frames. The challenge in detecting frames is to learn to think in
meta-level patterns
o Use your self-reflecting consciousness to reflect on your frames and those of others
o Also, step back in your mind (reflect on your thoughts, feelings, states, etc.) to consider what frames are
being implied. e.g.: I’m looking at myself in the mirror repeatedly. implied frame: I don’t think I’m good
enough for the world just as I am
o Step aside from the juicy content of the details and the story, and view things in terms of structure,
patterns, shape, and form
o This essentially is a form of “thinking about your thinking”

 TOOLS OF FRAME DETECTIONS:

o Pay attention to and look for frames. When you do, you begin noticing them everywhere.
 Step back in your mind from your immediate thinking, feeling, experiencing, (content) to take a
larger and broader perspective of things (structure)
o Ask questions about the form, shape, process, structure of the thinking and framing:
 What kind of thinking are you (or another) doing?
 What is the content of the thinking?
  What factors are influencing it?
 What frames may be in the background of the mind?
o To detect meta-frames,
 look and listen for “meta” terms
 Look for these words in your thoughts: about, of, relating to, in terms of, first, second, then,
higher, back of the mind, what’s uppermost is, on the whole, etc.
 Ask “about” questions:
 What are you X about?
 What do you feel about being X?
 And what do you think or feel about that?
 Okay, when you think or feel that, what do you believe about that?
 Hmm, and what do you value about that?
 Ask Other questions:
 OK and given that, what references do you have about that?
 How do you know that you know, feel, believe, or value that?
 What has to be true in order for you to think that?
 What class or category is this an instance of?
 What generalization have you created about that?
 When and where did you come up with that?
 When you think about X, what comes to mind?
 Observe “outer game” Behavior:
 E.g.: slumped shoulders, downcast eyes, mumbling voice, vacant look etc. = depressive
frame
 E.g.: clinched fist, tight neck and vocal chords, restricted breathing etc. = stress / anger
frame
 Not only do frames drive behavior, but behaviors can also induce, elicit create frames
o That is why positive body language, gesture, tones, movement, actions, ritual,
humor, etc. create positive frames
 Observe your working beliefs by asking questions:
 Every frame implies a belief (which implies mentally confirming a thought as accurate)
 Beliefs do not exist in the real world out there
o What do you believe about X?
o Are there many things that give rise to doubt about this for you?
o What if there were?
 Observe your assumptions:
 What are you assuming about what exists?
 What are you just taking as real without questioning?
 What has to be true in order for you to say that?
 Observe your words:
 Necessity frame: must, have to, forced to
 Desire frame: want, desire, get to, can
 Possibility frame: can, may, possible, options, choices
 Impossibility frame: can’t, not possible
 Obligation frame: ought, need to, demand, should
 Choice frame: choose to, get to, want to
 o Deepen your understanding of the frame by experiencing:
 Temporarily step into the frame, just for the purpose of discovery – feel it deeply, and allow it work
on your emotions, body, mind, etc. Imagine moving through life with it.
 Now step out, and stand back. Just witness the “you” who has stepped into it, and from this broader
perspective, allow your awareness to expand about it
 When I view things within this frame, I see, hear, and feel…
 When I view things from outside this frame of reference, I become aware of…
 When I hold both of these descriptions simultaneously, it enriches my understanding so
that…
o After about 5 -7 levels of meta frames, we begin to loop around: moving up and then down and then up.
This means that we are at the edge of the matrix. Time to stop. Look for words like:
 “ that’s just the way it is”
 “there’s nothing more”
 “It’s just…”
 “I don’t know”
o It is also helpful to name the frame, so it becomes more tangible. The frame is the problem, not the person!
 “So I’m playing the X game”
 “I am a bad man” game
 “Woe is me” game
 “I need to caretake everyone’s feelings” game
 “I can’t enjoy life until I solve everything” game
o Giving up a negative frame means giving up a lot! For example: the juicy delight in self-pity, feeling the self-
righteous superior feelings over the other, etc.

 Example: I am afraid
o What are you afraid about? I am afraid about Z coming in my dream and intimidating me
o What do you feel about being X? I feel unable to protect myself and I feel helpless
o And what do you think or feel about that? I think that I am less of a man
o Okay, when you think or feel that, what do you believe about that? I believe all men should be unafraid and
able to protect themselves
o Hmm, and what do you value about that? I value the courage to face other alpha men with fearlessness
o If I were to then reframe, the highest level (I value the courage to face other alpha men with fearlessness) ,
saying that “courage does not mean being fearless. courage implies the ability to face challenges and be
assertive in front of alpha men while feeling fear”, this changes my whole frame! I am now more accepting
of the feeling of fear, and can build on my assertiveness and self-defense and strength skills while feeling the
fear and accepting it.

 Awareness of the frames ensures that the game is not playing us, and that we are designing and playing the games
we want to play

 Most of us are too engrossed in the content to observe and recognize the pattern

 Awareness is supremely powerful. Content has very little power.

 Sample patterns:
o Positive Reinforcement = encouraging a desirable behavior
 o Negative Reinforcement = discouraging an undesirable behavior

FRAME ANALYSIS

 How and what we reference as we frame, drives our emotional states and defines our state of mind. Frames induce
states

 Meta-states (higher frames, feelings about feelings, thoughts about thoughts, mind attending to mind) induce
destiny. Meta states = “beliefs”, “values”, “understandings”, “concepts”, “decisions”, “self-definitions”

 Frame analysis is the ability to diagnose an old Frame, and design a new Frame – You put on your game eyes and
look at any aspect of life as if it were a game. It helps you summarize “frame identification” and “frame detection”,
as well as apply “game transformation” by giving you a structure for how to think about life and relationships in
terms of inner and outer games that we play

 The one mechanism that most essentially enables us to do frame analysis is meta awareness (i.e. thinking about our
thinking-and-emoting)

 Frame analysis is in itself a META GAME. Awareness of Frame Games allows us to play something brand new and
entirely different – Frame Game Analysis

 An important aspect of frame analysis is bringing our meaning frame to conscious awareness

 Every thought or meaning lies within a frame, and, at the same time, helps sets a frame

DIAGNOSE A TOXIC GAME

What is the Game?
What is the game? What kind of a game are you playing?
What set of mental, emotional, verbal, and behavioral
interactions does it initiate?
What states and meta states are you experiencing?
What state, mood, feeling, attitude, etc. does this
reference elicit?
How does this reference make you feel?
What state-about-a-state does it call forth?
Where in your body do you feel the meta-state?

Who are the players?

Who is involved in this game? How many people?
Any invisible players? (old girls, parents, employers, etc.)
How are they part of the game?
What part of the game do they play?

Quality Control
Do you like the game?
Does it serve you well? Does it serve others well?
Does the frame of mind describe the game that you really
want to play?
Does it enhance your life or empower you personally?
Does it lead to any consequence that you don’t like or
want?

Hooks / Triggers / Baits (Anchors)

What hooks you into the game?
What bait is used to seduce you?
What triggers the cue for the game to begin?
How does the game itself hook others to jump in and play
out their roles?

Cues and Clues

What are some of the cues whether in language or in
environment or personal (the way someone talks,
gestures, etc.) that indicates that the game has begun?
How do you know this?
If others deny the game, what would give you the clue and
convince you that you’re in the game?

The Rules of the Game

What are the rules of the game?
How is the game set up?
How do you play the game?
What are the moves in the game?
How does a person score points, or win the game?
What do the rules say is important in the game?
How do you end a game?
Are there any rules for changing a game’s rules?

Name the Game

What are you referencing?
What is the frame?
If you gave this frame a name, what would you call it?
What ideas, concepts, evaluations, values, beliefs, code
this frame?
What focus does this frame create?
What mindset arises from it?
What is the name of the game?
Are there any sub-games? What are some of them?

Frames of References for the game

What is your referent or references?
Is it a literal and physical reference? (person, place, thing,
event)
Is it a conceptual reference? (idea, concept, belief,
decision, understanding, value)
Is it an imaginary reference? (hope, dream, vision,
intuition)
Is it a personal reference (unique experience?)
Is it a vicarious reference (movie, book, ideal)?
What do you think, feel, believe about past events and
future possibilities? (Meta)
 Style of Referencing
How are you referencing? (big picture, details, think/feel,
parents, family, culture, experts, etc., internal/external)
What are the quality and characteristics of your style?
– matching /mismatching? Fast/slow? Aggressive/passive-
aggressive? Options/procedures? Judger/perceiver?
Internal/external? Reactive/thoughtful? Rigid/flexible?
Self/other? Global/specific? Counting/discounting?

Agenda and Intentions of the game (Pay Offs)

Why are you playing that particular game?
What are you intending to accomplish by playing that one?
If you achieve your objectives, what will you have?
What will you win? What is the pay off?
What is the outcome of the outcome?

The emotional/somatic intensity of the game

How intensely are you playing from 0 to 10?
How obsessively/compulsively?
How does this intensity show up somatically in the body?
Can you see the game in the person’s face, posture,
movements?

Leverage Points in the game

Where is a leverage point in the game (to change how you
encode the information)?
Where could you create and install a leverage point?
How can you most easily alter the frames and the nested
frames?
What references do you never use? What beliefs,
decisions, values, and questions do you never bring up?
Which patterns or techniques will provide the most
leverage?

Preferred Frame Game

What game would you prefer to play in place of the old
game?

Objective and Outcome

What do I want in this?
What do I want for others in this?

Description
What frames best describe the new game?

Process
How can I set up these frames?
How can I implement my persuasion process?

Patterns for installation

Which patterns would work best for installing new frames?
 Solidification
What accountability process will you establish to monitor
the new game until it becomes habitual?
Who will support the new game?
How will you celebrate the wins?

Evolution
How will you test and refine the new game to make it
increasingly more robust?

END A TOXIC FRAME GAME

What is the Frame game you want to end?
Option 1: Deframe the old Frame
There comes a time when we have to stop running the
compassion, sympathy, empathy and kindness strategy,
and confront the frame head-on, especially when the
meta-frame excludes “being helped”

Exaggerate the frame until it bursts

Spoil it from the inside
Ask lots of precision questions about the inner/outer game
and de-construct the frame
Question it into a state of doubt, skepticism, or death
Confront the person by putting the frame in the person’s
face

Option 2: Question the Frame to undermine it

Do you like that frame?
Does it serve you well?
How has it played a destructive and hurtful role in your
life?
What price have you paid for it?
So, does it really serve you well?
To what extent do you find this frame toxic and absurd?
How is the frame ridiculous?
How does this frame undermine resourcefulness and
create personal limitations?
Where will this frame take me if I keep using it as my
reference point?
What price will you pay for this emotionally?
Interpersonally? Financially? Physically?
Have you had enough of this? Or do you need five more
years of this crap?

Option 3: Quality control the Frame

Do you like the game?
Does it serve you well? Does it serve others well?
Does the frame of mind describe the game that you really
want to play?
Does it enhance your life or empower you personally?
Does it lead to any consequence that you don’t like or
want?

Option 4: Substitute a new contradictory Frame

E.g.. I am fearful therefore I am not masculine.
Substituted with: masculine men have fear and act while
feeling fear

Option 5: Release the old Frame

Meta state your frame of mind with the sense of letting go From this day forward, I let go of the need to blame myself.
Blaming never makes things better and usually makes
E.g.: blaming myself for everything that goes wrong things twice as bad; while I’ve been an excellent player of
the “blame game”, that was good for a 5 year old, but as
of today, I let it go as a childish way to act. Every time I
think about blaming and playing the blame game I will
breathe in that feeling, notice it, and breathe it out as just
a silly thought or feeling from childhood

Option 6: Set a Paradoxical Positive Negative Frame

Use meta-stating to mindfully apply a negative frame of I refuse to tolerate this one more minute!
mind – like negation, refusal, stubbornness, intolerance,
rejection I stubbornly refuse to tolerate this as a way of living!

E.g.: hating hatred I absolutely and stubbornly refuse to tolerate this another
E.g.: getting depressed about depression instance!
E.g.: becoming stubborn about my right to reject
depression

If a doubt arises about the above method, doubt the

doubt!

Option 7: Power up to say “Hell No!” to the old frame game

Just say a powerful definitive assertive NO and reject this 4 power zones – where no one can make you act. People
frame game! can invite, evoke, provoke, but that’s all

Responsible = response-able = ability to respond at your
will and choice
Say No with power, strength, firmness, and definitiveness,
until every cell in your body shouts Hell No! to that frame
Thinking : I, AND ONLY I, ULTIMATELY DETERMINE WHAT I
THINK. NOBODY CAN MAKE ME THINK ANYTHING. I
ALWAYS PLAY A DETERMINATIVE ROLE ABOUT WHAT I LET
INTO MY MIND AND WHAT I GIVE ATTENTION TO
Feeling: I, AND ONLY I, ULTIMATELY DETERMINE WHAT I
FEEL. NOBODY CAN MAKE ME FEEL ANYTHING. I ALWAYS
PLAY A DETERMINATIVE ROLE ABOUT WHAT I LET INTO MY
MIND AND WHAT I GIVE ATTENTION TO

Speaking

Behaving

Fully own and accept your power zones!

 Cultivate and develop your power zones!

FRAME TRANSFORMATION - REFRAMING

 Sometimes we can transform an inner game through simple detection or analysis of a frame game

 Practice is KEY. Simply having the knowledge is pointless!! Keep practicing re-framing daily! Do the outer game to
solidify the inner game!

FRAME TRANSFORMATION - REFRAMING

What is the Frame game you want to transform?

Hint: never directly attack the toxic frame

Option 1: Transform through detecting and naming frames

Ask questions about the form, shape, process, structure of
the thinking and framing:
What kind of thinking are you (or another) doing?
What is the content of the thinking?
What factors are influencing it?
What frames may be in the background of the mind?
NOW, detect meta frames…
look and listen for “meta” terms:
Look for these words in your thoughts: about, of, relating
to, in terms of, first, second, then, higher, back of the
mind, what’s uppermost is, on the whole, etc.
Ask “about” questions:
What are you X about?
What do you feel about being X?
And what do you think or feel about that?
Okay, when you think or feel that, what do you believe
about that?
Hmm, and what do you value about that?
Ask Other questions:
OK and given that, what references do you have about
that?
How do you know that you know, feel, believe, or value
that?
What has to be true in order for you to think that?
What class or category is this an instance of?
What generalization have you created about that?
When and where did you come up with that?
When you think about X, what comes to mind?
Observe “outer game” Behavior:

E.g.: slumped shoulders, downcast eyes, mumbling voice,

vacant look etc. = depressive frame

E.g.: clinched fist, tight neck and vocal chords, restricted

breathing etc. = stress / anger frame

Observe your working beliefs by asking questions:

What do you believe about X?
Are there many things that give rise to doubt about this for
you? What if there were?
Observe your assumptions:
What are you assuming about what exists?
What are you just taking as real without questioning?
What has to be true in order for you to say that?
Observe your words:
Necessity frame: must, have to, forced to
Desire frame: want, desire, get to, can
Possibility frame: can, may, possible, options, choices
Impossibility frame: can’t, not possible
Obligation frame: ought, need to, demand, should
Choice frame: choose to, get to, want to
Deepen your understanding of the frame by experiencing:
Temporarily step into the frame, just for the purpose of When I view things within this frame, I see, hear, and feel…
discovery – feel it deeply, and allow it work on your
emotions, body, mind, etc. Imagine moving through life When I view things from outside this frame of reference, I
with it. become aware of…

Now step out, and stand back. Just witness the “you” who When I hold both of these descriptions simultaneously, it
has stepped into it, and from this broader perspective, enriches my understanding so that…
allow your awareness to expand about it
After about 5 -7 levels of meta frames, we begin to loop So how does the frame matrix look like?
around: moving up and then down and then up. This
means that we are at the edge of the matrix. Time to stop. Level 5:
Look for words like: Level 4:
“ that’s just the way it is” Level 3:
“there’s nothing more” Level 2:
“It’s just…” Level 1:
“I don’t know”

If you gave this frame a name, what would you call it?

Option 2: Transform through Quality control

Do you like the game?
Does it serve you well? Does it serve others well?
Does the frame of mind describe the game that you really
want to play?
Does it enhance your life or empower you personally?
Does it lead to any consequence that you don’t like or
want?

Option 3: Transform through Deframing

Ask lots of precision questions about the inner/outer
game. Go into details about what specifically depresses
you, for example? Then ask “how do you know?”
 Option 4: Transform through meta-stating
Use a positive frame as the meta-state for the existing
frame, by using other communication messages and
putting one into a meta-relationship to another.

FRAME SETTING

 Whenever you discover a great frame, never leave the scene of that discovery without making a decision to set it as
your frame and never leave without taking some action to shape and reinforce it!

OVERT FRAME SETTING

Recognize and Celebrate your ability to set frames
What concepts or beliefs do you never leave home
without?
What frames of mind do you always take with you? (both
positive and negative)
Do you have any concepts that you would like to dismiss,
but have not yet been able to rid yourself of it?
If one of your closest friends were to tell you about the
things that are always on your mind, what would they say?
Pick an area of life that is important to you, yet one in
which you are struggling, what is your attitude about it?

Set a new idea as a dominating influence

What is the representation that you are trying to set a E.g.: Because there is no failure, but only feedback, I can
frame out of? only get wiser, and more effective

Why do you want this? What is your big enough “WHY” for E.g.: There is always a solution if I stay open and curious
doing this?
E.g.: I become more effective through being mindfully
Keep asking why? Until you get to your core goal purposeful and through enjoying the process

E.g.: Wealth is created inside-out

Add emotion and Use vividness so you can feel them and make them rich
Make the representation compelling, dramatic, E.g.: I see a shark big burly in the depths of a never ending
memorable, important, significant, and believable – ocean, fully enjoying the swim…and I am that shark as I
experience intense emotions along with the idea glide across the ocean with full relaxation and alertness at
the same time. Every time I receive an off course message,
Look at the intended frame with eyes of I reorient my glide direction, and smile from ear to ear and
appreciation…enjoying the process of wondering just how say great! with a tonality of tony the tiger full of
powerful and transformative these ideas will be once you appreciation and excitement. “Thanks for the feedback” I
install them as your higher-frames-of-reference. Imagine needed that. Then I smile about my smiling in a calm and
making them your meta-states appreciative way, appreciating the beauty of life and feel
more energy burst within
Now breathe life into them…
Use the raw materials: draw a vivid and dramatic mental
word picture in extreme detail.

Begin with a sensory structure of the see, hear, and feel.

Breathe into it visual images

Stick an auditory sound track with just the right voices,

music, rhythm
- What would it be like if I sang this frame?
- What would the music and dance of this frame be like?
- Suppose I wrote a pledge of allegiance to this frame?
- Suppose I put it to poetry?

Then step into the movie, and feel it and live a day in it

Validation – Add a touch of solidification – with powerful YESes

Say an overwhelming YES to your new frame. Feel the YES.
Experience it in all sensory systems: visually, audibly, and
kinesthetically.

Contrast it with the opposite state of denial and NO

Figure out the biggest and most ferocious YES! And ask
yourself:

Do you really want this idea in your head?

Would you want it in your body?
Would you like it in every muscle of your body?
Would you like it as your way of being in the world?
Would it enhance your life?
Would it make you a better person?

Set the frame via Empowering Questioning

If I felt really confident in this, how would that improve
things?
What would be the first thing I’d do if I had the courage?
What am I willing to do to turn this around?
How can I bring more enjoyment and fun to this learning
experience?
Who else can I share this great information with?
What will it cost me if I don’t change this pattern?
How could I transform my whole life if I did this?

Set the frame through Rehearsal and Repetition – until it is unconscious

Have I made a decision about this idea?
Will I, from this day forward use this as my frame of
reference?
What can I do that will act out and give muscle and bone
to this frame?
What state does this frame initiate?
How does it show up in my posture, face, tone, voice?
 Set the frame through Personalizing
Identify with the frame so it is part of your self-definition “I am…

COVERT FRAME SETTING

Setting Frames by Implication (FBI)
Just assume the frame: e.g.: are you doing this crazy thing consciously or have you
- speak and act in ways that presuppose the frame lost control? (implies that you are doing this crazy thing)
without even stating it directly
- set meta-level frames by implying the frame by what you e.g.: what do you like about me? (implies you like me)
do in words and actions
e.g.: how would becoming un-insultable increase my
Asking details of an idea, skill, experience sets up a personal confidence and calmness at work and at home?
presupposition of the idea
e.g.: where would I want to be more kindly assertive in my
Watch out for answering questions that presuppose toxic communication?
things that will ruin life. Just say I refuse to answer that
question!

e.g.: when do you struggle with performance anxiety the

most, when you are under time pressure, or when you
want to impress someone?

- Should I answer this question as posed?

- What matrix of frames does this question presuppose?
- Does this question support or hinder my resourcefulness?

Setting Frames by Storytelling

Use storytelling and the mechanism of empathy,
sympathy, identification, and modeling to set the frame.

Stories enliven ideas, concepts, and beliefs.

- create a positive heroes journey story with a beginning,

middle, end

- avoid toxic stories such as the tragedy, victim,

melodrama, soap opera

Setting Frames by Metaphors

Set positive metaphors to your frames:

E.g.: “Public Speaking is like leading a dance in the wind

with the minds of your audience”

WINNING FRAME WARS

 Arguing against someone else’s frame gives it at least some validation, and is not recommended
 Adding adjective descriptions to a frame solidifies a frame, because it implies that one needs to go beyond the
surface to see that my frame is actually true

 Framing by implication adds solidity to a frame “how does it feel to know”

 When transforming someone else’s frame, NEVER directly attack their frame
o Instead of them examining your frame with a clear minded objectivity, they get defensive about their frame
and counter attack

 Arguing and being defensive about someone else’s frame simply solidifies their frame

 Come backs to toxic frames presented by others:

o FRAME EXPOSURE: “good grief Lucy, why do you always have to assume the worst and impose your world
views on other humans? You almost got me there. But I must say: No thanks to that question. I don’t want
to go to your sick party where that question is real”
o FRAME SWITCHING: “good grief Lucy, are you on that kick about knocking down the good that resides in all
of us again? I’ve got a better game, why don’t we play, <”insert positive question that implies empowering
frame>”
o FRAME REVERSAL: “Good grief Lucy, are you playing “<positive> killer again”? Tell me three desperate
feelings that you will experience as your answer to that question?

FRAME SOLIDIFYING

FRAME SOLIDIFICATION
Outframe with confirmation upon confirmation
Repeatedly bring a “YES!” to it, so that you meta-YES the
frame and do so repeatedly “up the levels”

Outframe with a clear cut decision

Decide that “from this day forward this shall be my frame”

Identify with it
I am…and shall define myself as a solution focused person
who plays the “there’ always a solution” game

Use repetition and abundant rehearsal

Use repetition and abundant rehearsal until it takes as it
drops out of consciousness and becomes an automated
response. Add reaffirming layer upon layer

Using meta-stating
Add reaffirming layer upon layer or thoughts-about-
thoughts onto the primary state

Consistently Refresh the Frame

Refresh the frame so that it stays vividly emotional and
dramatic in the mind. Access a state of naïve seeing and
experiencing as if you are taking it on for the first time

Future pace the frame

In your imagination, see it playing out into your future and
enjoy all the transformations that it brings

WINNNG A GAME

 To win a game, one must know the game rules:

o Know that the rules of the game are not reality. They are invented by our mind.
o Set a meta-rule about the rules of the game: “I will discard any rule that does not empower me, or one that
sabotages me”

GAME RULES
X = a state, experience, emotion, quality that you desire
(happy, confident, healthy, free, safe, in control, creative,
radiant, charming, successful, in love, respectful, etc.)
How do you know when you are X? I know when I am X when… (use sentence completion (6-10
sentences instantly))
If you were really X, then you would be doing what?
If you X, you will..
I have to Y (set of behaviors, actions, conditions) in order
to X
I can’t feel X unless…
I will experience X when…
What will it take for you to know that X is happening?
To experience X, I should…
To experience X, I must…
Any time that I Y (Action, experience, situation), I know
that I am X-ing
It just doesn’t feel or seem that I am really X

Quality Control
How well does it serve to have these rules?
Are these rules the kind of rules that allow me to win
frequently, or do they stack the game against me?

New Rules
What are my new “must” rules of the game?

make sure that you:

- can win frequently
- thoroughly enjoy the games that you play
- have enough flexibility to change games in real time so
that they fit your values and vision
- recognize these rules as man-made and not real
FRAME GAMES TO PLAY

1. The inner game of personal power and self-efficacy

 I think –and-feel personally empowered
 My responses endow me with the power to live my life with the self-efficacy to choose and architect my
future
 My personal power zones: thinking-and-feeling (private) and speaking-and-behaving (public)
 I focus on the functions I truly have control over – that is my power zone
 It’s my brain and I’ll run it my own way for fun and profit
 I also release the personal powers of others to them and honor their right to think, feel, speak, and act
as they choose. I respect them to such a high degree that I stop dis-empowering them by trying to
manage how they think, feel, talk, and act

2. The Responsibility to / For Game

 I can clearly discern the difference between my personal responsibility FOR myself, and my relational
response-ability (the responses I give) TO others
 Responsibility FOR = accountability for what I do (actions, behaviors, responses, thoughts, feelings,
words)
 Responsibility TO = the circle of loved ones, colleagues, friends, etc. whom I relate to, by means of
speech and behavior
 I am only response-able for the responses that I generate mentally, emotionally, verbally, and
behaviorally. I cannot be responsible for much else that goes beyond this response zone
 Similarly, there are a limited number of people to whom I live in a responsible relationship with. With
them, I focus my attention on the exchanges I negotiate as I step into and out of relationships: through
healthy win-win relationships that focus on inter-dependency rather than co-dependency

3. The empowerment game of Personal Ownership

 I emphatically, and with every fiber of my being, claim something as my own! It’s mine!
 I do this with my personal powers – my mind, my emotions, my voice, my body, my expressions – I own
them!
 This is my mind … my ability to think to represent, to send my brain places, etc.
 This is my emotion … my ability to emote, to feel, to care, to value, etc.
 This is my voice… my ability to speak, to assert what I’m thinking and feeling
 This is my body and my expression…my ability to take action and to express myself
 I am at cause in this world…not at effect

4. The inner game of Intentional decisiveness

 I set the intentional direction and then make empowering decisions
 I intentionally choose a compelling goal, option, idea, focus, belief, or action
 I intend something to reality and then I set my attention on it
 will power = keeping attention aligned with intention
 It is in my moments of decision that my destiny is shaped
 I set frames of intention, and superset them with meta-frames of intention-of-intention
 I ask myself:
 i. What is my frame about decisions, will power, choice, goal setting etc.?
ii. What do I think and feel about these things?
iii. What experiences, beliefs, and understandings do I bring to this subject?
iv. What decisions have I made (consciously or unconsciously) about decision and decision making?
v. What decisions would I like to make about decision and decision making so as to empower and
enrich my whole decision making powers?
 Decision involves saying YES to things, while at the same time saying NO to things:
i. What would I need to say no to so that I can say a more resounding YES to something?
 I decide to not be deluded by the seduction of making “perfect” decisions
 I decide to take total control over my power zone of thinking, emoting, speaking, and behaving
 I decide to take action, effective action, and massive action to make it happen
 I decide to not deviate from my decisions
 I decide that I will not allow any excuses
 I Decide what I will focus on
 I decide about what things mean to me
 I decide about what to do to create the results I want
 Decision about meaning -> sets the basic meaning frame of my inner game

5. The Aim Game (or the Magnificent Obsession game)

 I refuse to play the “blame game”, the “passively drifting through life” game, and “take things as they
occur” game, the “don’t get your hopes up too high” game, and the “path of least resistance” game
 Aim sets us in a direction and organizes our power towards a specific outcome
 I set realistic, relevant, compelling, ecological (a healthy and balanced game within all of the dimensions
and relationships of my life), and personally owned goals. I use time frames, and specific contexts.
 I ask myself, every time I begin something, or want something:
i. What do I want? What do I really want? What do I feel totally passionate about? What do I care
about? What pulls on me like a magnet?
ii. What am I aiming for in life? In this job? In this relationship? With this book, etc.?
iii. When I get what I want, what will that get for me?
iv. When I experience the outcome, fully and completely, and in just the way I want it, what will
that give me?
v. How is that valuable, important, and meaningful?

6. The quality control game

 I check the ecology of a frame, game, experience, state, belief, action, etc. by running quality control
 I step back and examine the system by asking these questions:
i. Does this thought, emotion, speech, act serve me well?
ii. Does this experience enhance my life or skills?
iii. Does it empower me?
iv. Does it put me in the direction I want to go?
v. Does any part of me object to this?
vi. Is this particular game worth playing?
vii. Is this where I want to put my attention?

7. The relevance game

 I actively search to discover the relevancy of one thing in terms of another, by asking:
 i. Is this relevant to what we are talking about?
ii. How is this relevant to our purpose right now?
iii. What relevance does it have in light of X?
iv. Is this productive or empowering?
v. Is this important or valuable to our agenda today? How? In what way?
vi. What is relevant to this situation?

8. The map is not the territory game

 I distinguish my map from the reality of the territory
 My thoughts are not real
 My beliefs are not real
 If I feel an emotion, I don’t necessarily have to act on it
 My maps are flexible and playful
 Knowing that my thoughts, ideas , understandings, beliefs, definition, decisions, are not real – frees me
up from the need to defend them
 My map is the territory = you make me angry!
 My map is not the territory = given the volume and tone, it seems like you’re really upset right now with
me. And because I care about you, I’ll work at listening to you if you’ll lower your volume and speak in a
kinder tone. What do you say?

9. The As If game
 When I don’t know how to solve a problem, I feel and imagine my way to the solution by pretending to
know the solution and allow my unconscious mind to fill in the details about how that would look,
sound, and feel
 I don’t have to explain everything in order to begin to take effective action in my life – I can simply find
one thing that works, and begin to go with it, developing it, and letting it expand.
 I ask the questions:
i. If I did know the answer, what do I think it would be?
ii. If a miracle happened tonight, how would I know that it has occurred?
iii. If I was cheerful and pleasant in doing this, what would that be like?

10. The Vitality game

 I keep my body as fit and as healthy as possible – this gives me the power (energy, action, movement) to
translate dreams, visions, values into reality
 My emotions directly depend upon my breathing, posture, movement, and other health habits

11. The Abundant Generosity Game

 I come from the perspective of abundance – there is plenty for everybody
 I view life as a win/win proposition
 I am generous, big-hearted, like to enrich others, like to contribute, like to make things better for all
 I ask myself:
i. How can we both win in this adventure?
ii. What would comprise a win for me? What would comprise a win for the other?
iii. If it seems that there is not enough of the pie to go around, how can we create something so
that we can bake more pies?
12. The Personal warmth Game
 I come from warm compassion and empathy
 I act with kindness, generosity, care, concern
 I ask myself:
i. What is the loving thing to do?
ii. How can I extend myself for the welfare of this person?
iii. What would express warmth and compassion to this person?

13. The persistent and patient resolve game

 I persist, and bounce back resiliently and never give up
 I keep on learning and improving
 It’s not a matter of “if” I succeed. It’s a matter of “when” I succeed
 I ask myself what price will I pay if I give up?

14. The Orientation game

 I think strategically and purposefully by asking myself:
i. Where are we with each other?
ii. Where are we in this project?
iii. Where do we want to be?
iv. What are you trying to accomplish by doing this?
v. How would you prefer for me to listen to you right now?

15. The no failure only feedback game

 I can only and always get results
 Every result is just information. It gives me feedback
 I have the presence of mind in the midst of experiences so that I can keep learning, detecting
distinctions, and adjusting behavior to get the result I want

16. The Implementation Game

 I refuse to play the “procrastination” game and ask myself:
i. How can I practice this?
ii. How can I give this idea some hands and feet and try it out in the real world
iii. If I decide to never leave the scene of a learning without taking some action, how will that affect
my sense of self?
iv. What one thing can i do today to implement this idea, dream, vision, understanding, insight?

17. The Self-Acceptance Game:

 My dignity and human worth are unconditionally given
 I own and value myself as having worth, value and dignity.
 I accept myself unconditionally
 Acceptance first, then self-discovery -> growth -> development -> improvement -> excellence
 I seek such, not to prove anything, but simply as an expression of who I am, to express my talents, skills,
values, visions, etc.
 I do not have to prove anything to anybody
18. The living in the Now with an eye on a compelling future game
 How do I think about time?
i. Past / Present / Future?
ii. Fast / Slow / distorted?
iii. Line / circle / spiral / boomerang?
iv. Sequential & linear / random / simultaneously
v. Lots of time / little time
 Too much past focus = feel that things are determined, fated, and out-of-our-control
 Too much future focus = living in a dream world of hopes, desires
 Too much present focus = failing to learn from past, or, plan for future
 What if:
i. I spent 15m at the beginning of every day/week/month focusing on the future (of that
day/week/month)
ii. I spent 15m at the end of the every day/week/month assessing the past (of that
day/week/month)
iii. The rest of the time, I live in the present!
 Time is a subjective experience. It does not exist “out there” – it is strictly a concept. The only thing that
exists “out there” is events. Noticing and comparing events leads to the self-invention of time.
 Playing the unhelpful “I’ve got to finish the old business of the past by re-living it again and again!”
reinforces the undesirable reference.
 Instead, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood” – I master my framing of time

19. The Solution Game:

 The opposite of the “blame game”
 Rather than seek for who to blame, and find excuses, I seek to find solutions by asking
i. What’s the problem?
ii. Why is this a problem?
iii. Who’s creating the problem?
iv. When and where is this a problem?
v. What could solve this problem?
vi. How can I effectively deal with this and enjoy What could solve this problem?
vii. How can I effectively deal with this and enjoy the process?
viii. What can I learn from this?
ix. Who has written about how to effectively solve this?
x. If I knew the solution, what would it look, feel, sound like?
xi. How can I improve this by one more percent?
xii. What small things can I do today, that would seed the response I want?

20. The “Its only real if it is behavior” Game:

 A problem is only a real problem if it involves a behavior. If it doesn’t, it’s not a real problem. It’s only a
mental game.
i. What would I see, hear, or feel if I saw (insert problem)?
ii. What frame brings out or programs this behavior? How do I reframe it?
iii. If a miracle happened and the problem was gone, how would I know?
 iv. What would I be doing on the day after the miracle that I’m not doing now?

21. The Positive Intention Game:

 I Assume “Behind every behavior is a positive intention”. Then go searching for the positive intention.
 When thinking about hurting someone, I ask: what value did I seek to accomplish by doing that? (feel
safe, recognized, valued, loved?)

22. The Justice Game:

 I play the fairness game as a gift to the world rather than expecting or demanding that the world and
others first give to you
 “I will aim to play fairly and equitably with others as much as possible”

23. The Cheerfulness Game:

 I am able to take pleasure from the smallest things in everyday life, and to use that sense of play and fun
as my orientation style.
 I master how to squeeze joy out of every day, every experience, every learning
 I embrace humor as a healing quality and use the delight of the journey itself
 I refuse to play the “life is so serious” game

24. The Enchantment and Wonder Game:

 I adopt the attitude of awe and appreciation for the world
 Life and the world are sacred – I maintain a holy curiosity

25. The Acknowledging the unnoticed Game:

 I step back from the problem and ask myself “why isn’t this problem worse?”
 This brings what I have not acknowledged to the foreground

26. The Flexibility Game:

 My frames are eternally evolvable and flexible. No idea, belief, understanding is fixed or rigid.

27. The Courage Game:

 Courage = willingness to risk, to face a danger or threat, and to face down the fear with intelligence,
passion, and understanding
 I have the confidence to take action knowing that I have the flexibility to keep learning and adjusting as I
go

28. The “From pessimism to “learned optimism”” Game:

 I steer clear of these depressive games””
i. “It’s about me” (personal)
ii. “It affects everything in my life” (pervasive)
iii. “This will last forever” (permanent)
 Instead, I play these “learned optimism” games:
i. This: It’s not about me as a person. It is about some event, action, behavior
ii. Here: it is not permanent. It is about this specific event. It does not contaminate the rest of life
iii. Now: It will not last forever. It is temporary. This too shall pass
29. The “Frames for Great relationships” Game:
 I play the following positive and relationship enhancing frame games:
i. Playfulness
ii. Creativity
iii. Admiration
iv. Appreciation / Honor
v. Responsiveness
vi. Committed and Loyal
vii. Validating
viii. Safe and Secure
ix. Vulnerable and Open
x. Assertive and Forthright
xi. Win / Win
xii. Cooperative
xiii. Exploratory
xiv. Attentive and Thoughtful
xv. Accepting
xvi. Being, more than Doing

30. The “Frames for Great health” Game:

 I remember that I am not the problem, my frame is the problem:
i. Food is primarily for fuel, to give me energy, vitality, activity
ii. Food is not for comfort, fulfillment, reward, love, socializing, validation, status, emotional stress
iii. Food is not for dealing with loneliness, boredom, anxiety, depression, anger, frustration, etc.