BARD FREE PRESS ANNANDALE ON HUDSON, NY MARCH 2009 VOLUME 10 ISSUE 5

bard free press

freepress.bard.edu
bardfreepress@gmail.com

staff contributors visuals

Travis WENTWORTH Andrew COLETTI Anna CARNOCHAN
Daniel TERNA Ken COOPER Sam DOUGLAS
Emily DIAMOND Laura CRAMER Josh FADEM
Abby FERLA Anna PUTNAM Molly SCHAEFFER
Alex ERIKSEN Rob ROSS Walker TATE
Donna MCCOLLOCH Henry SCHENKER
Enrico PURITA Joey SIMS Special Section, p. 11-30:
Dan WILBUR The Center for Curatorial Studies

Ladies & Gents of the Free Bard Student Allied Community, sufficient academic energy to deserve it. Because we do.

While the merger of the FREE PRESS and the Observer has brought a unified You, dear reader, will notice in the letters-to-editors section of this selfsame
front and sufficient funding, unfortunately the combined paper still lacks sufficient issue, that a telegram from Gen. Botstein indicates his respect for our operations
staffing. That includes writers, layout designers, editors, artists, and people with and his willingness to offer the administration’s resources to help further the
the vision necessary to propel student journalism at Bard. campaign.

This is an urgent appeal to the Bard community at large – students, faculty, and
administration. Not only are our right and left flanks weakening, but we’re losing
the very front month by month! Our lines are thin! Our fuel is low! Gangrene
withers us. We request the following, for our very existence is at stake:
The river is crumbling our already unstable bridge of student communication. To
ensure that this bridge remains fortified, incentives must be proffered to students
who invest the intellectual energy and time to sustaining it.
We propose that FREE PRESS function something like an academic tutorial. A
corps of dedicated students would obtain 1 or 2 credits for at least one semester,
and have an adviser to oversee their efforts – not a babysitter, but something
like a drill sergeant, to ensure that students who request credit are investing
This semester, the FREE PRESS staff has consisted of approximately six
students – a frighteningly low number for the amount of work involved. Two will
be graduating this May; we seek volunteers to take our positions as editors,
layout designers, managers, and photographers--Emily and Abby simply can’t
do it on their own. In the wider scheme of things, we need people who are willing
to interface with the administration, and keep an eye and an ear dedicated at
all times to what’s going on around them. Need we remind you that college
journalism is a tremendous opportunity to learn the tools of the trade through
trial and error and not worry about getting fired for screwing up?
Our application process is simple: send us an email and we’ll make a time to
meet in person. Prior experience is NOT necessary.
-Travis and Dan, bardfreepress@gmail.com
Editors,
I want to compliment you all on
having decided to combine the Free
Press and the Observer. In an era
when there is an unfortunate de-
cline of print media, the revival of a
newspaper at Bard is a welcome
and hopeful sign. I congratulate you
all, wish you well, and hope you will
share this message with the contrib-
uting writers and artists. The first is-
sue is extremely promising, and if
there is anything those of us in the
administration can do to help, please
let me know.
Leon Botstein
Editors,
Re: “Market Decline Forces Bud-
get Cuts” in the last issue - good ar-
ticle. It’s not easy chasing down all
those details at Bard. But I was hop-
ing to make a correction. ALL credit
for the 100% post-consumer content
paper selection goes to Julie Myers,
the Purchasing Director. She does
all the work for making that environ-
mentally responsible choice work
for Bard. It’s not easy to stick to that
choice, and to get all the blame for
every paper jam that occurs on cam-
pus, and any delivery that gets mis-
managed, on top of paying the price
premium...
Thanks,
Laurie Husted
Editors,
I must congratulate you on the
timely release of this semester’s first
issue of the FREE PRESS. I know
that integrating staff on short notice
is hard, but you pulled it off.
Now, for God’s sake, will you stop
letting whatever coked-up orangutan
that butchered the layout of my col-
umn near the computer? You can’t
put a drop cap on the second para-
graph of a column, and you can’t lay
out a column in two different type-
faces. It looks ridiculous. Honestly, if
I had a higher opinion of your skills, I
might believe you intentionally mess
up my layouts just to irritate me.
And why does Donna get so much
space? NO ONE CARES WHAT SHE
THINKS. Half of her budget forum
column is the same word over and
over and over. “Waaaaaaahhhh,
waaaaaaahhhh....” Honestly.
Keep up the good work! You
should publish this email.
Rob Ross
Editors,
While I generally enjoyed Rob
Ross’s piece in your last issue (“Bud-
geting Gives a Clear Picture of Bard-
ians”) and in particular found the
layout of the piece to be delightfully
avante-garde, there was one passage
that struck me as out of place. Reply-
ing to global women’s rights group
SWEAR’s statement on Planning
Committee’s decision to give them
a budget of $.01, which included the
statistic that “‘1.3 women are raped
every second,’” Ross responds, “I fail
to see the connection. I also wonder
how one third of a woman can be
raped[.]” Setting aside the question
of what a person who “fail[s] to see
the connection” between rape rates
and funding for a women’s rights
group is doing attending Bard Col-
lege, let alone sitting on the Planning
Committee, 1.3 is not equal to one
third, nor to one and one third. Is it re-
ally wise to have somebody capable
of such an elementary mathematical
error taking such a prominent role in
the budgeting process?
Respectfully yours,
D. O. McColloch
Cop Shop
Dispatches and Alerts from Your Friend
Ken Cooper
Vandalism and Fires Abound!
Crimes of idiocy have oc-
curred at various points on
campus this past week.
*The power of the paint
can, wielded by individu-
als who have graduated from
bathroom vandalism, have
seen fit to demonstrate to
all of us that Bard some-
times admits students of
limited capacity and matu-
rity. We hope that the van-
dals consider turning their
play school mentality into
something more construc-
tive, like building struc-
tures from their leggo box.
*This Monday at 4am, the
volunteer fire department
was called out once again,
to save a pot of burning
noodles.
44 percent of all turn-
outs to Bard are for burnt
popcorn, toast and similar
culinary missteps. Volun-
teer firemen are less then
impressed with the cooking
abilities of Bard resident
students. Short of throwing
all stoves into the recy-
cling bin, I am consider-
ing offering a security class
on “How to Pay Attention to
Cooking,” 101. On a side
note, I find an interest-
ing comparison to my moth-
ers former assisted living
building. Many residents
03
also leave food heating on
the stove, fall asleep and
wake to the firemen breaking
down their door to put out
their grilled cheese sand-
wich. My mother is 97 and
her friends are all over 80.
Something to ponder.
*Another fire in a garbage
can at Cruger is of great
concern. As in most colleges,
trash cans are made from plas-
tic - a hydrocarbon - fuel.
Someone thought that the can
was a big gray ashtray. New
York State Law forbids smok-
ing in buildings, and basic
commonsense dictates that
throwing lit cigarettes into
plastic bags and cans is a
bad idea - so, what am I
missing?
The Seton Hall Fire in 2000
was set by some fun loving
students who just want to
have a bit of action, setting
fire to paper on a bulletin
board. The fire reached 1500
degrees, burning to death 2
classmates, and killing an-
other by smoke inhalation. 62
other classmates were severly
hurt and 3 horribly disfig-
ured. For those torching fly-
ers on dormitory doors, for
“fun” the result may be hor-
rific.
Bard - a place to think - about
consequences of actions.
04
In mid-February,
Professor Joel
Kovel circulated
an open letter to
the Bard commu-
nity that outlines
his account of the
administration’s
decision not to re-
new his contract.
He has taught at Bard
since 1988, when he
became the first to oc-
cupy the controver-
sial Alger Hiss chair.
He spoke with the
FREE PRESS over the
phone and over email.
Since you posted your statement on
your website, there has been a large
response on campus, including an
investigation by the student govern-
ment, and a student forum at which
Michele Dominy, Amy Ansell and Jim
Brudvig answered questions regard-
ing the administration’s decision not
to rehire you. What’s happening now
from your point of view?
Well, I think there are a number of
administrative procedures taking their
course; I’m not familiar with student
procedures. The American Association
of University Professors (AAUP), both
the national organization and the Bard
chapter, are looking into it. I found out
also today the Middle East Studies As-
sociation (MESA), they’re looking into
it, and issued a letter to Bard to begin
the evaluation over again. They felt
that my allegations had enough sense
to them to reopen investigations. The
ball’s in Bard’s court now, we’ll see what
happens.
What was your initial feeling when
they told you they weren’t renewing
your contract?
It was one of shock and surprise. I
had been involved in discussions - my
intention was to set up an amicable res-
olution to this. I’ve been around a long
time, and I know this could be resolved
peacefully. February 7th I met with the
dean and then on February 10th I re-
ceived a very official-looking letter ef-
fectively dismissing me. I felt troubled
and undeserving of being dismissed.
I’d made it clear that I wanted to nego-
tiate. I went and continued my process;
I met the Dean, that was a very heated
meeting. At the end of that it was agreed
upon that I should talk to Botstein. I left
that meeting with the understanding
that they would get back to me. I waited
a week and nothing was happening. At
that point I had to conclude they didn’t
want any further dialogue. I was con-
cerned that justice be done and people
here learn about it.
Since they weren’t going to discuss
it with me internally, I decided to take
it externally. I feel American academia
and Bard play a definite role in the dis-
cussion of human rights violations of
Israel. Bard was saying nothing about
this and I thought this was not the way I
felt the college where I’ve worked for so
long should behave.
Do you feel Bard openly supports
The Separation Wall in Bethlehem; PHOTOS BY Dan Terna
Zionism and actively suppresses anti-
Zionism?
First of all, when we say ‘Bard,’ that
can mean a lot of different things. I
know the President openly supports Zi-
onism. It’s good that he’s up front about
it. I know other key members of the fac-
ulty support Israel. I’m sure there are
trustees as well. I don’t think overall
the institution supports Zionism. Most
people at Bard are like everywhere else,
they’re in the middle, and unfortunately
they’re afraid of speaking out. In terms
of being active against people like me,
that’s a question that can’t be answered
yes or no, that’s a thing that requires
looking at a pattern. It would be pretty
stupid of them to say “we oppose Pro-
fessor Kovel” - that wouldn’t happen.
It was very striking when my book was
banned by the University of Michigan
Press in 2006 - you consider that a ma-
jor breach of freedom of ideas. We got
650 letters to support the book, and
they [U. of Michigan Press] backed out.
Not one letter came from Bard. Bard did
not support its faculty - I think that’s re-
markable and also reprehensible. Bard
so prides itself for being this bastion of
free thought. Botstein told me ‘Well, I
thought that you were doing just fine on
your own.’ I was; I know how to handle
myself, but that’s not the point. Where
does Bard stand? Is it being consistent
with its principles? I can conclude to
that no, they have not been. The air of
silence on campus says it all. It’s very
profound. There’s a long-standing tradi-
tion of opposition of anti-Zionism itself;
they’re very touchy about criticism. You
hardly hear anybody talk about or make
parallels to Israel and apartheid Africa.
I would be glad to debate anyone, and
anywhere. I think I’m right, I don’t know
I’m right, I feel very strongly, but what
I do know is that we don’t have a good
debate in America, and not at Bard, and
that’s terrible. You’re not in a place that
gives you the vitality of a debate of one
of the great issues of our time. It’s like
an elaborate public relations campaign.
What’s your reaction to the nega-
tive SOTC forms from students?
My response is that yes, I have very
strong views, but a great many of those
students I’ve worked with over the years
have not had that point of view. I deeply,
personally respect the integrity of each
student. I think it’s really remarkable
that you have an evaluation from 2006
 05

and not the one from 2007. I regret it - I

would have to also say that it’s hard to imag-
ine the context. I know I may have said some
things that may have upset people, but I feel
open inquiry is crucial. I’ve never ignored
a student, always tried to work with them.
I don’t see myself as somebody that bullies
students or imposes a world view on them, I
want to hear what they have to say.
If the administration seems hostile to
your views, why do you still want to teach
at Bard?
I would continue teaching at Bard. But
in addition to just showing up for courses,
I want to resume what had been the case
in my early years at the college - namely,
playing an active role in contributing to the
dialogue on the great issues of our time. In
recent years I have been marginalized in
this respect, and I would expect for this to
be reversed in addition to being allowed to Joel Kovel at a lecture in 2008; screenshot from arabichour.org
resume teaching. Whether or not the admin-
istration is “hostile” should be seen in rela-
Signs of protest on Olin.
tion not to emotional attitudes but whether Photo by Travis Wentworth
we can sit down and work things of this sort
out.
What evidence do you have to claim
bias by Bruce Chilton and Leon Botstein?
I have never discussed these issues with
Bruce Chilton, and we have always been po-
lite to each other. However, there is strong
opposition in interests on the subject of Is-
rael and Zionism. I can do no better than
quote from my statement of Feb. 17.
[The statement read, in part: Professor
Chilton... is a member of the Executive Committee
of Christians for Fair Witness on the Middle East.
In this capacity he campaigns vigorously against
Protestant efforts to promote divestment and sanc-
tions against the State of Israel. Professor Chilton
is particularly antagonistic to the Palestinian lib-
eration theology movement, Sabeel, and its leader,
Rev. Naim Ateek, also an Episcopal. This places
him on the other side of the divide from myself. It
should also be observed that Professor Chilton was
active this past January in supporting Israeli ag-
gression in Gaza. He may be heard on a national
radio program on WABC, “Religion on the Line,”
(January 11, 2009) arguing from the Doctrine of
Just War and claiming that it is anti-Semitic to
criticize Israel for human rights violations - this
despite the fact that large numbers of Jews have
been in the forefront of protesting Israeli crimes in
Gaza.
The Faculty Handbook states explicitly that if venient” questions about the al-Quds project to make of student views, etc—for which purposes the evalua-
an evaluator has a conflict of interest with some- sure that Bard is not engaging in a kind of neocolonial tion has to be doctored.
one being evaluated, he should recluse himself and action the purpose of which is to divide the Palestinians What would be the most favorable terms for you?
not take part in the evaluation. and strengthen the hand of “Greater Israel.” I suspect I A completely overhauled evaluation, impartially su-
The President freely states that he is a devoted would not be thanked for this. pervised, if necessary by external reviewers.
Zionist and is dedicated to the well-being of the The administration has cited financial concerns If you do stay, how will this controversy affect
State of Israel (which he visits some ten times a year about employing part-time professors such as your- your relations with faculty and administration?
according to a recent news article). He has told me self. Do you accept that economics played as large a This will be a challenge. That is one reason I would not
so to my face and has made it clear over and over role as anything else in your termination? just want to go back to my regular courses, but to play a
again by his actions. It should be emphasized that Of course, serious financial issues have arisen at more public role within the college. In recent years there
support of Israel to this degree is an existentially Bard, as they have everywhere. This is all the more rea- has been a mutual pulling back. I would want to see this
profound position. The evidence overwhelmingly son to proceed with much greater transparency than has overcome, in part by providing for structured dialogue
shows that Zionists in power have acted intolerant- been the case. It is essential to have a valid (as against a on questions such as the role of the college in the world,
ly toward critics of the state of Israel, and certainly corrupt) evaluation process in order to remove any hint and the dialectics of speaking out and protesting.
those who hold views such as my own.] of suspicion that economic exigency was being used Could you tell us a little about your plans if you’re
How do you feel about Bard’s partner- to settle a political score. Skepticism along these lines not rehired?
ship with the al-Quds university in Pales- is rampant, and casts a long shadow on the evaluation I have a number of prospects. In any case I have a lot
tinian East Jerusalem? process inasmuch as it may have been rigged to come up of writing – several books lined up – which I want to do.
I have refrained from publicly comment- with an alternative reason to let me go. After all, Bard What is the most important thing to you about
ing on this because the issue is delicate and could not possibly state that Prof. Kovel is going because teaching?
complex, and I do not feel well enough in- he is a threat to the order of things, especially Zion- To see the light of the critical and creative imagina-
formed. However, I would, because it is my ist ones. So it must be shown that I am not pulling my tion in the student’s eyes.
function as a critical intellectual, ask “incon- weight, am washed up, a poor communicator, intolerant
06

Fireside Chats with

Dominy, Brudvig & Ansell Address Kovel Issue
Faculty explain pragmatics behind Kovel’s contract non-renewal
By Travis Wentworth
This month’s student forum was
most notable for the presence of two
administrators (Admin. VP Jim Brud-
vig and Dean of Studies Michele Domi-
ny) and a professor (Amy Ansell, chair
of the Division of Social Studies) who
answered students’ questions about
the decision not to re-hire Joel Kovel.
Essentially, the decision was the result
of a confluence of influences that in-
cluded declining ratings from students
on course evaluations, the expiration
of Kovel’s five-year contract, and the
sudden need to cut spending. Not only
did political antipathy towards Kovel’s
anti-Zionist views have nothing to do
with the decision, according to the ad-
ministrators, but Kovel’s accusations
against Leon as the Zionist ringleader
simply could not be true because not
re-hiring Kovel was not Leon’s idea in
the first place. Though it was not made
entirely clear, the decision, more than
anyone else, was apparently Domi-
ny’s, who, in needing to eliminate non-
tenure and non-tenure-track faculty to
save money, determined that Kovel—a
part-time professor with full benefits
and middling student ratings—pro-
vided the least bang for the buck. Kov-
el’s contention that his ouster was the
culmination of a long effort to margin-
alize him was not true either, say An-
sell and Dominy; Ansell claims Kovel
just about never attended departmen-
tal meetings, and of the notion that
Dominy had asked Kovel to retire be-
fore his contract was up, “I’ve never
said to Professor Kovel that it’s time to
Also at the March Student Forum:
Unusual administrative presence at Student Forum
retire,” she said. “He was never asked
by this college to retire. Not ever.”
As students speculate that the
administration capitalized on this
confluence of events in order to get
rid of Kovel, the story becomes less
clear-cut. Some students in the MPR
didn’t seem like they were about to be
convinced. This editor was there for
about two hours until he finally had
enough; a quite resolute contingency
of pro-Kovel students in the front right
corner of the room kept passing ques-
tions up for the student government to
ask the administrators, though most of
them had already been addressed sev-
eral times. On a couple of occasions, a
student from the resolute contingency
rose and interjected questions (rhetor-
ical ones, presumably) on how, while
citing certain “statistically insignifi-
cant” declines in student ratings, the
administration could possibly refute a
room full of students who had shown
up in earnest support of Prof. Kovel. At
such moments this editor suppressed
a desire to rise and state that, for the
record, it was unlikely that everyone
in the room had such strong opinions
on the matter; many, this editor in-
cluded, were probably there simply
because they enjoyed a good scandal.
And a good scandal it was.
At any rate, the student govern-
ment’s Educational Policies Commit-
tee, and its chair Dan Whitener, gave
an impressively thorough and com-
prehensive report, one that did not
state directly that the administration
ILLUSTRATION BY SAM DOUGLAS
erred, but did say that it stood by the
recommendation it had previously
made to rehire Kovel when his con-
tract was originally up for renewal.
The EPC’s report corroborated much
of what the College Evaluation Com-
mittee, which in Kovel’s case was
made up of Kyle Gann, Mark Lambert
and Bruce Chilton, had said—that
Kovel had spurts of glowing feedback
on course-evaluation forms, but that
there was a clear negative trend in rat-
ings: low and mid 4s in ’04 and ’05,
and high 3s in ’06. “Anything below
4 raises some concerns,” said An-
sell. As far as the comments on the
SOTC forms are concerned, between
the reports of the administration and
the EPC, words like “eye-opening”
and “worldview-changing” often ap-
peared, but so did phrases like “intel-
lectual bullying,” “dogmatic teacher,”
“not open to other perspectives,” and
“disorganization.”
Ansell also took care to defend
Bruce Chilton, one of the three faculty
members on the CEC who reviewed
Kovel (but did not make a direct rec-
ommendation as to whether to re-
hire). Kovel argues Chilton should
have recused himself due to his pro-
Israel views, but according to Ansell,
Chilton took the task seriously and
objectively, and in fact contributed to
the largely positive CEC report. “Such
personal vilification of an individual
involved in the review was very prob-
lematic to people,” said Ansell. “How
unfair that vilification was.”
Speaker of the Student
Senate Enrico Purita
Since I last spoke to all you excruciatingly attractive
members of the Bard student body, we had just passed a
successful budget forum. In the aftermath of budget fo-
rum, both the Student Senate and the Central Commit-
tee have been hard at work to keep student life issues at
the top of the administration’s agenda. Here’s a look at
what’s been done and what’s ahead.
I’d first like to speak on the March Student Forum.
At this forum, the decision not to re-hire Joel Kovel was
the topic of discussion and present for the discussion
was Professor Amy Ansell, Dean Michele Dominy, and
Vice President Jim Brudvig. After an EPC report that
showed a small but present decline in Professor Kovel’s
SOTC evaluations, students were allowed to ask ques-
tions to the three members of administration present.
The conclusion of the forum brought many previ-
ously incendiary issues to rest. Dominy and Ansell
explained the reasons for the decision centering on the
recent economic crisis and a decision not to renew 40
other faculty contracts due to varying departmental
needs.
Dominy also denied that she ever told Kovel to re-
tire, and that the only member of the faculty evaluation
committee that could have had a political bias against
Kovel, Bruce Chilton, evaluated Kovel positively. Leon
Botstein, the posterchild for sentiment against the ad-
ministration for the Kovel firing, had no part in the de-
cision process other than the final stamp of approval.
The sense that I got from student reactions to the
administration at the forum is that most in attendance
were satisfied. Aside from a dedicated following of
Kovel’s students who were understandably (albeit a bit
blindly) defending their professor, the majority of stu-
dents seemed satisfy to believe in the fact that the tim-
ing of the firing was coincidental (Kovel’s Zionism class
was not part of the evaluation) and that Kovel himself
may be overreacting. A bit.
The Student Senate, for the past two weeks, has been
hard at work to improve the entertainment on campus.
We have collectively drafted a proposed Constitutional
amendment that would make the Entertainment Com-
mittee a democratically elected body. Overwhelming
criticism toward the Committee for their inaccessibil-
ity and lack of connection to the majority of SMOG reg-
ulars is more or less what dictated this decision.
This new version of the Entertainment Committee
would have seven members. The structure of the com-
mittee would be such that three members would be
elected by the student body, three members would be
appointed by the Committee chair, and the chair would
be elected by the Student Body in a online vote.
The Committee would be required to host at least
one show each semester in which bands are decided
on in an online vote by the students. Furthermore, the
Committee would be required to put out an entertain-
ment survey each semester to gauge student opinion on
past and future entertainment committee events. One
member of the Committee would have to present at the
shows as well so that he/she can see how good/shitty
the show that they booked turned out.
The specifics of the amendment will be included in
an online referendum sometime in the next two weeks.
I urge you all to vote and to pass the amendment so that

Pre-Bard Credits Will No Longer Count at Room Draw
Think you’ve got that suite or that Manor single in
the bag thanks to all your prissy AP work? Well think
again! Your extra credits are no longer good here. In
what student senator Travis McGrath sees as no less
than a class issue - that is, people who went to fancy
high schools are more likely to have extra credits and
thereby get better rooms - the student gov. and Res
Life have agreed to apply only credits earned at Bard
to determine what year you are.
Through some very complex arithmetic that is
beyond the understanding of your humble interlocu-
tor, this will mean, according to Brittany Rode of the
Student Life Committee, that fewer “upperclassmen
will get TBAed and more people will get rooms. Basi-
cally.”
-T.W.
we can finally start improving the sad state of the week-
end social scene here at Bard.
Next time, I hope to give you all the gift of a student
space update! We are also working at getting the stu-
dent government website updated and streamlined so
stay tuned for that. If anyone has any questions, as al-
ways, feel free to email me at ep694@bard.edu.
 07
When Sen. Hillary Clinton was nominated by the Democratic and
appointed Secretary of State, NY Working Families parties, and, in a
Gov. David Paterson appointed major upset, the New York Indepen-
Rep. Kirsten Gillibrand to Clin- dence Party, which usually supports
ton’s Senate vacancy, creating yet Republicans. The Libertarian Party
another vacancy in the House for of New York, which is currently at-
Bard’s 20th Congressional dis- tempting to obtain ballot access for
trict. This sprawling district in- the race, has put forth Eric Sund-
cludes Annandale-on-Hudson as wall, an IT consultant and state Lib-
well as vast swathes of upstate ertarian Party chair.
New York. Though originally
drawn to be a safe seat for Repub- Special elections are notoriously un-
lican John Sweeney, the troubles predictable, and the loyalties of New
of the local economy, the unpop- York’s 20th are divided. Tedisco
ularity of President Bush, and has a long track record in office, the
Sweeney’s ethics issues - the “Con- district has a preponderance of reg-
troversies” section of his Wikipe- istered Republicans, and his party
dia page has 12 entries - lead to a has performed well in other special
Democratic insurgency: Kirsten elections since Barack Obama’s vic-
Gillibrand defeated the longtime tory. On the other hand, Murphy has
incumbent in 2006 and captured shown momentum in recent polls,
more than 60% of the vote in her and he has the endorsement of now-
re-election last November. Senator Gillibrand, who is still enor-
mously popular here. And it would be a mistake to write off
Paterson’s appointment of Kirsten Gillibrand, which has prov- Sundwall, whose clear stances against the Wall Street bailout
en controversial with downstate Democrats, has opened up a and the stimulus package are sure to endear him to some local
wild and unpredictable contest for her vacant Congressional voters - as well as the fact that, unlike in 2006, he might actu-
seat. Longtime State Assembly member Jim Tedisco, who re- ally be on the ballot.
cently rose to the leadership of the Assembly Republicans, has
received the endorsement of the Republican and Conservative Over the past month, the FREE PRESS has had the opportunity
parties. Scott Murphy, a former staffer to two Democratic gov- to speak on the record with all three candidates. In the spirit of
ernors of Missouri, who now runs a local venture-capital firm informed decision-making, we present the interviews, mostly
that finances and advises local startup businesses, has been unedited, to our readers.

So you’ve been serving in the
Assembly for over twenty years,
that’s correct?
Sure.
So what made you deicde to
run for Congress now? You’d be
people, at a higher level, and at the
next level of excellence.”
I think, in public service, peo-
ple move you, and my goal has
always been to be in the best way
so I can serve the most people, and
of our constituents. My philoso-
phy of being a representative is
much like Kirsten Gillibrand’s.
We may have some philosophical
differences, but we agree on some
very important issues.
ing for on that level - it doesn’t
make any difference, income
level, whether they’re minority
or majority - they’re looking for
someone that’s able to stand up,
speak out, and understand that a
across the country. Bard, the
largest employer in Red Hook,
had to lay off workers. What’s
your plan to bring more funding
to higher education in the Hud-
son Valley and the nation?

Jim Tedisco, the Republican candidate for the U.S. House seat vacated
by Kirsten Gillibrand’s appointment to the Senate, spoke with the
FREE PRESS’s Donna McColloch about his experience and his politics.
starting over in terms of senior- make the best difference in their We agreed that it was a security representative needs to be less of Well, before I became a legisla-
ity. quality of life. And I think, right issue that we give illegal aliens a speaker and more of a listener. tor, I had a real job - I like to say -
Well, I’ve always believed that now, that’s in this Congressional drivers’ licenses, an issue where And I think I’ve been very good and an important job, also: I was
people move you from on level to spot. she supported me. And we beat at being a representative in that an educator for 10 years. And I
another in terms of service. I was a OK. back one of the most powerful regard - that’s reaching out, and know and understand, like some
city councillor for five years; they I want this information in the voices in New York State - the pre- finding out what the concerns of of my colleagues, but unlike oth-
came to me when the assembly piece: my website is www.jimte- vious Governor, Eliot Spitzer - we my constituents are, especially in ers, that the most powerful tool
opened up. They said, “We think disco.com; I’m on Twitter, Face- harnessed the support of the more these 10 counties. And I’ll be rep- any of us will have is what we
you can serve more people at a book, and YouTube. than 75 percent of people across resenting their agenda. So I think can give to the generation coming
higher level with a better level of Bard’s not a very Republican the state who said, ‘We agree with what people are looking for is not up - that’s going to be our future,
excellence.” school - staunchly pro-choice, you. We think immigration is im- necessarily one or two issues, but a great education. There’s nothing
And at that time, there was very much pro-gay-equality. portant, that this country is great a genuine philosophy of standing that’s going to be more powerful
support for that--that’s where they Why should Bard students vote because of the diversity, and we up and speaking out on behalf of than the ability to think analyti-
wanted me to be, and so I ran for for you? need more immigration - but we the people - finding all the people cally, communicate, and bridge the
that position. Of course, in the last Because I think what they’ve need legal immigration, and we and listening to all the people gap between diversity, difference,
few years I’ve been elected leader; shown is they want someone who want to send the message that if about what they want their Con- and different people - whether it
I was conference chair. And at this can stand up and speak out, and you come here and break the law gressional district to be. And I’ve relates to other nations, interna-
point, a good number of our con- be a representative and stand up to by coming here, and you get bene- shown that I’m capable of doing tional commerce, or understand-
stituents, in the great ten counties the most powerful interests when fits, then you really have no incen- that. ing how to do the best you can in
of this Congressional district, have they’re in power. But I’m about the tive to follow the process, which Alright. Onto issues more any type of employment situation.
come to me and said, “we think best interests of our constituents, takes a while, to become part of directly affecting Bard right And education is the most pow-
you could do a in Congress right and I think most politicians can this great mosaic as a full citizen.’ now. There have been cutbacks erful thing we’ll have. It won’t be
now, serving us, serving more make a difference for the interests So I think what they’re look- in funding for higher education money. It won’t be gold. It won’t
08
Dan Terna
be the military power in the final
analysis for this country. It’ll be
the education we provide for our
young people.
My plan is to go out to Wash-
ington, D.C., and fight for every
penny we can get back to get into
the schools, and secondary educa-
tion and higher education, and to
reach that level of excellence that
we should have in the secondary
educational area and in our colleg-
es’ education areas. I had the op-
portunity to graduate from a great
school, Union College, and go on
to get my master’s in special edu-
cation at the College of St. Rose,
to work in special education, with
kids with learning disabilities.
My philosophy of governing
is that government should move
obstacles for every single person,
not only in our congressional dis-
trict but across this state and this
nation, so they can be everything
they can be with the God-given tal-
ents they’ve been given. So if you
want ‘no child left behind,’ you’ve
gotta fight for ‘no child left behind.
You’ve gotta provide the financial
tools to do that.
I’ve been a strong advocate for
funding education, and I’ll con-
tinue to do that. We send a lot of
money out to Washington, and
their losses, go on junkets, or give
individuals bonuses, when they’re
the ones that had the risky invest-
ments and had the reserves to pay
those off. People who are losing
their jobs in the 20th Congressio-
nal district - we have small busi-
nesses that are laying off work-
ers, we have lost 50 or 60 percent
of their 401(k)’s, we have health
care costs that are not being cared
for, people who can’t afford to pay
their mortgages.
What we need is someone
standing up on the floor of Con-
gress and saying, ‘The best and
fastest way to get from one point to
another is a straight line, and that
straight line should be a stimu-
lus package where money gets to
the people who need it most: the
middle class, those who pay with
credit to start up their business,
keep their business running, keep
jobs running, the small farmer
who maybe is not making it right
now because of the prices, the
dairy farmer.’ And so I’m a little
concerned about agenda, and phil-
osophical discussions should take
place later on. They have more in-
terest in income that comes with a
stimulus package, directly to the
pockets of the middle class, who
are facing perilous times with this
economy. And that’s the direction
they have to go. But you have to
have complete oversight, and un-
derstanding of the fact that that
money can’t stop in the pockets of
the people who created this prob-
lem. And those individuals who
made risky ventures, and many
middle-class individuals, are suf-
fering because of that. So it can’t
stop there, and I’m not sure the
oversight is in place, but it has to
historically, I don’t believe we get
be put in place.
our fair share back, especially for
So you said you’re in favor of
important areas like education,
a stimulus package, in contrast
health care, and economic devel-
to current House Republicans?
opment. So we’re gonna be work-
Well, three Senators voted
ing really hard on that.
for it. I didn’t see the package the
Relating to the economic
way it is right now; I haven’t got
crisis, we’re talking about dis-
it outlined for me. All I can see is
bursing another $350 billion in
the information that’s being pre-
TARP funds and adding billions
sented in the media right now.
to the TARP fund. But we don’t
And the package I’m looking for
know what happened to the first
is one that goes in a straight line
$350 billion. What’s your plan to
to the constituents who will need
bring accountability?
it most - not laden with dead-end
Well, you make a very good
programs that are not gonna cre-
point, in that every day we don’t
ate jobs, save houses, help people
have a Congressman representing
with their health care and insur-
the 20th Congressional district in
ance. So there’s no question about
the State of New York, we’re not
the fact that we’ve got to get credit
standing up for the concerns of
to people right now, especially
people in this Congressional dis-
about the fact that this is laden
trict. And we’ve called up the Gov-
with some more agenda items,
ernor to tell him to call this elec-
which have to concern everybody,
tion immediately. And we need to
because we don’t need more pork
get someone who has experience
in this stimulus. What we need is
standing up and speaking out,
more money getting to people who
crossing party lines to find con-
are trying to make ends meet, and
sensus, standing up and fighting
that’s the middle class, many of
when we have to fight for the best
whom are hemorrhaging in this
interests of our community. And
20th Congressional district.
what we need in any stimulus
Last question is about the
package is, first of all, oversight
arts. A quarter of Bard students
and transparency. There’s no way
are art majors; NEA funding last
this money should be stopping
year was about $144 million -
with CEOs so they can recoup
about one percent, of what the
U.K. spends. How much should
the U.S. spend on the arts?
Well, let me put it this way: the
arts is a very serious part of our
economy, and also a very serious
part of our quality of life and edu-
cational opportunities. I think if
you look at my history, at one point
when they were gonna take the
New York City Ballet and elimi-
nate it back in Saratoga, I fought to
keep that part of the quality of life
there, because it does fit in with the
economy, but it also fit with allow-
ing opportunities - educational
opportunities, and training in the
arts, and futures.
And percentages are tricky
things. What we have to do is set
the priorities. That’s one of the
things I want to do when I get to
Congress: make sure we have a
sense of what the spending pri-
orities are, because I live in a state
right now; as I look at the federal
level, it’s nice to say ‘yes’ to every-
body. When you say ‘yes’ to every-
body with funding and spending
and programs, you’re basically
saying ‘no’ to everybody, because
there’s not enough money to say
‘yes.’ But you have to have the
courage to stand up for some of
the priorities: those are infrastruc-
ture, those are education, those are
health care, and I think the arts
are up there also, because that’s a
real serious part of the quality of
life, a real serious part of our tour-
ism, education, and the economy.
So we’re gonna support that, we’re
gonna try to be one of the individ-
uals that makes tough decisions
about our spending priorities in
the interest of the 20th Congres-
sional district, the state, and the
nation.
I was curious about exactly
what you meant when we were
talking about keeping spend-
ing under control. Should we be
running a deficit currently - the
federal government?
The best policy that you can
have is to treat the federal gov-
ernment like you treat a family.
They have some borrowing, and
they have some obligations, but
you have to have a timely period
where you can pay those off. The
best way to do things is to be able
to pay as you go, but you also have
to take care of the quality of life
and people who need to be served.
When I say we ‘remove obstacles
so people can be everything that
they can be,’ we have people in
our society who are disabled, like
my brother Joey, who had Down
Syndrome and died at the age of
15, who are going to have a disabil-
ity for the rest of their life. First
and foremost, out of any budget
of any level, no matter what the
situation is financially, we’ve got
to take care and have a concern for
those individuals who have some
serious concerns to deal with. And
that’s an obligation; we’re compas-
sionate people. And we have to
move on from there, with priori-
ties in terms of the quality of life.
 09

So the election is March 31st? Do you think the president

March 31st.
How much work is there to be
done?
Lots of work. We’re busy every
day, working to get the message
out to people, make sure they re-
alize that I’ve been a successful
entrepreneur who’s been start-
ing businesses and investing in
small businesses for the last 15
years and that the companies
I’ve worked with have created
over a thousand jobs across New
York State.
Do you think the fact that
you’re not a career politician is
a strength right now?
I think so. My opponent – the
biggest issue out there is this
economic recovery act that the
president just passed a couple
weeks ago. I said I was in favor
of it, that it needed to be done to
get the economy moving. And
my opponent, talking like a ca-
reer politician, has refused for
will become involved at all
with an endorsement?
Hope so. Don’t know.
How would you character-
ize the makeup of the people
of the 20th district as far as
age, demographics, politi-
cal philosophy, expectations
of government—and how
might these have to change in
order to accommodate a new
economy in the region?
Well, this is a district of small
towns. There are small towns
all across this district, and the
people there are just regular
Americans that are looking for
common sense solutions. When
I talk to them, they’re worried
about the economy, and they’re
wanting leaders who will tell
them what they’re going to do
and be true to their word. So
that’s kind of my sense of the
district. I think one of the re-
ally important things we need
Dan Terna

Scott Murphy, the Democratic candidate, worked as a gu-

bernatorial aide in his native Missouri before moving to up-
state New York. He is staking his candidacy on his experience
as a successful entrepreneur, a skill greatly in need in the
current economic climate. He spoke over the phone with the
FREE PRESS’s Travis Wentworth.
two and a half weeks to answer to do in this district from an
the question yes or no. We’ve economic development perspec-
heard five different answers on tive is make sure that we’ve got
what he would have done, but broadband internet access ev-
he still refuses to tell people the erywhere—it’s a real problem
truth. that so much of this district is
Given the fact that no repub- underserved and doesn’t have
licans voted for it, can we the infrastructure. As we move
assume he would have been forward, you know, you’re on a
against it? college campus, this is a criti-
I just wish he would tell us the cal element for young people.
truth. It just seems like maybe People in their 20s don’t want
you learn that skill in Albany to go anywhere that they don’t
in 27 years and not answer the have broadband internet ac-
question, but it doesn’t seem like cess. So we’ve got to make sure
it’s that hard to say yes or no. we have that so we can continue
Republicans have a significant to hold on to the young people.
voter registration advantage in Part of the reason I’m running
this district— is that I’m concerned—I’ve got
Yeah, the district’s been voting a big family, I’ve got 30 nieces
for Democrats lately—Hillary and nephews, and my own three
Clinton, Chuck Schumer, Barack kids—and I’m concerned about
Obama, Kirsten Gillibrand making sure there’s job oppor-
twice—in the last five elections, tunities for them in this district.
Democrats have won this dis- And for all the kids coming out
trict. of our colleges to be able to stay
Obviously Gillibrand had in this district of they want to.
some great success in getting And right now we don’t make
Republican votes. Would you that easy because of the lack of
say she’s more conservative infrastructure. That’s some-
than you are? thing this economic recovery act
Well, I think it’s just a question has money to help with, and it’s
of every single issue. Senator something I want to work very
Gillibrand and I agree on an aw- hard on making sure is avail-
ful lot of issues. She’s been cam- able.
paigning with me, and endorsed Beyond just infrastructure,
me, and I’ve been working close- what would revitalize this
ly with her. area?
Well you know, there’s not a
magic bullet. It’s going to be hard
work on a lot of different kinds
of businesses, and that’s really
where my experience comes in.
We’ve got agricultural small
business, we’ve got tourism small
businesses, we’ve got retail shops
and small manufactures, and
we’ve got next generation tech-
nology companies. One of the
areas I’ve spent a lot of time in-
vesting in is clean tech and green
tech stuff. Those are great oppor-
tunities for us. With the stimulus
plan, there’s a lot of money for ad-
vanced battery technologies, the
smart grid, and some infrastruc-
ture plans that will really facili-
tate those next-generation, green-
tech, clean-tech jobs. And that’s
something upstate New York is
very good at and has a lot of po-
tential for and that’s really a big
part of our future in my opinion.
As far the stimulus package,
one controversy was the extent
to which materials used in
public projects must be sourced
in the U.S. Do you see this
protectionism as necessary, or
something that will hurt the
U.S. in the long run?
Yeah, I think there was a lot of
talk about that. At the end of the
day, it turn out to be something
that was less of a big issue than
some of the talk. I think at the
end of the day, we want to look to
buy things domestically, but we
also want to be involved in trade.
Trade is a big part of our future,
and I think most of the money
from this economic recover act
is going actually to middle class
tax cuts, and going to support
our state and local governments
which are really cash-strapped.
Those are really good and impor-
tant things we need to do and un-
related to sourcing issues.
China passed a stimulus pack-
age yesterday – do you think
that will help the U.S. economy?
We definitely need the world
economy to get moving. It’s a cy-
cle and as we’re going down and
everywhere else is going down,
it’s viral down for our compa-
nies doing business overseas. So
I think it would be great if China
got their economy moving and
started buying more imports
from the U.S. That would be a
good thing for us, so I’m hoping
to see whole world’s economy get
moving as we also get the U.S.
economy moving.
What’s the biggest problem
facing the younger generations
today that we might not yet
realize is such a problem?
I hear this all the time – I was
meeting with some college kids in
glens falls a few weeks ago. Peo-
ple are worried about job oppor-
tunities – they’re getting ready
to graduate, and the economy is
really frozen and I think some
of the kids on campus probably
aren’t thinking about it yet, but
the seniors I guess are. We’ve got
to come up with opportunities
to get this economy moving so
that there are job opportunities
out there for people to start in on
their careers, and right now that’s
not what I’m hearing at least on
the ground. People are starting to
get very worried and I want to get
this solved.
Do you think perhaps investing
in startups instead of bailing
out, big, established, struggling
companies is more important?
I think absolutely our small busi-
nesses are the job creation en-
gines. Depending on the study,
it’s 80 to 90 percent of jobs come
from small businesses. That’s
where we really see the growth.
That’s what I want to work on.
There are a number of things in
the economic recovery act to real-
ly help our small businesses, and
we’ve got to be sure that those get
implemented well and they do re-
ally benefit our small businesses.
So I’m excited about working on
that.
10
So both of your opponents in this race
have experience in politics - Jim Tedisco
has been in the New York State Assembly
since before most Bard students were
born, and Scott Murphy was a gubernato-
rial staffer in Missouri. What experience
are you bringing to the table?
Well, I do have practical business experi-
ence in the community. I’ve lived in this
area, in Columbia County, since 1994. My
dad has been in politics for quite some time;
he served as a town board member in the
Town of Kinderhook for eight years. He was
chairman of the county Conservative Party
for a long time. I’ve served as chairman of
the Libertarian Party of New York; I’ve also
served on the national committee for the
Libertarian Party. So in terms of third-party
politics, I do have quite a bit of experience.
Obviously, the problem for us is always bal-
lot access - and also you have to be elected.
So in terms of experience with third par-
ties, that’s always kind of a unique thing.
But in this particular case, I’ve also run for
this office, back in 2006, and I actually got
knocked off that ballot, despite collecting
over 5,200 signatures.
Could you tell me a little more about your
business experience? What kind of busi-
ness are you in?
I’m an independent IT consultant. I used
Eric Sundwall is the Libertarian Party candidate for the U.S.
House seat vacated by Kirsten Gillibrand after her appointment
to the Senate. He spoke with Donna McColloch over the phone
about the difficulties third-party candidates face, and why the
government shouldn’t pay for you to read Thoreau.
to run an operation called Old Kinderhook
Integrated Systems. We were based out of
Kinderhook and Galatia from 1994 to about
2005, and then we shut our retail operation
down, and now we just consult with some of
our better clients.
So the two other campaigns have ads on
the air and are well-established. You’re
still trying to secure ballot access?
That’s right. We will submit our petition on
Monday. We currently have in hand, right
now, about 7,000 signatures. The require-
ment is 3,500 signatures. So it is our ex-
pectation that we’re going to submit these
signatures and be on the ballot. In the event
that we’re challenged, we’re prepared to go
to court with a legal team. We have every-
thing all prepared in order to do that. In the
spring of 2006, I got knocked off, and our
lawyers have a good deal of experience with
this now. So, again, yes, that’s what we’re
doing. In terms of campaigning, what I’ve
been telling everyone in the media is that
the petitioning process, as much as I find
it abhorrent in terms of real democracy, the
reality is that I’m out here talking to real
voters on a daily basis. I’ve collected over
200 signatures myself, and because of that,
having conversations not just with voters
but with average people - in Greenwich
Falls, in Hudson, in Greene County. So in
my estimation, except for that fact that these
split-second, say-nothing commercials are
out there, inundating the public, we’re out
there running a real campaign in terms of
day-to-day interactions with the public.
So generally, though, you’re not in a very
established position; it seems unlikely
that you would win. Why would you run?
Well, why do you say that?
Well, no Libertarian has ever been
elected to Congress.
So historical inevitability is the usual
thing that reporters will report in that type
of situation, and rely on that as real analy-
sis. Here’s the answer to your question. Ba-
sically, what we hope to accomplish in this
special election, in a condensed period of
time, is not only a recognition of the Liber-
tarian Party in general, but also of a lot of
the Libertarian ideas. And certainly, in the
normal course, a Libertarian third-party
campaign will grind along over the course
of however many months it takes, and pro-
duce a very typical result of anywhere from
one to three percent of the electorate. What
we’re hoping for in this particular election
is not only another special election with
very low turnout - but our expectation is
that, with our rejection of the stimulus and
bailout packages, we’ll get enough voters’
attentions where you could theoretically
win this kind of an election with as little
as 30,000 votes. So that’s not unrealistic to
look at, in terms of energy and turnout. I’ll
grant you, certainly, that can’t happen in a
longer election, but that’s not the case.
I think you’re going to see a great deal of
support from the liberty community in gen-
eral, in the whole country and in the state,
but you’re also going to see a large media
presence that really would be mostly un-
precedented for a Libertarian candidate to
be part of. We expect to be in the WRMW
Channel 9 debates; we expect to be in those
of March 26th. We’re working really hard
on getting included in the Times-Union and
WMAC debates. So in terms of exposure, I
think we’ll be there. And, quite frankly, I’m
known in Columbia County, and I’m known
in parts of Rensselaer County and Dutchess
County. So I’m not a completely unknown
factor in all of this.
You were talking earlier about bringing
Libertarian ideas to the table. Let’s talk
more about those. You oppose the bail-
out package and the stimulus package,
and on your website you say that there
“should be no increase in the national
debt.” Even before the bailout and the
stimulus, the federal government was
running a huge deficit. Where would you
make cuts?
We could make cuts across the board.
We’ve extended our empire across the en-
tire world. We’re deployed in countries like
Japan and Germany and South Korea still.
It’s a tremendous expenditure that’s being
made, in terms of keeping all of these pres-
ences overseas. You could probably save a
trillion dollars, real fast, if you were to re-
ally withdraw a lot of our forces from all
around the world. We’re spending too much
money on what we call “national defense,”
when in reality there’s special interests out
there promulgating the American empire. I
think that would be the number one way to
cut money.
The other thing would be that, in terms
of Libertarian ideas and principles, the
Federal Reserve and currency that’s not
backed up with anything is a huge issue.
And you’re seeing a great deal of infla-
tion, and what you mean by inflation is a
pumping of the money supply - it’s got to
take place, and they’re just wasting future
generations’ wealth in a matter of minutes
now. So, first of all, across the board cuts are
something a Libertarian candidate would
have to look at. If I were to be, miraculously,
elected, I’d be more of a voice of opposition
to the current spending spree that Congress
is on. And, certainly, one representative
couldn’t prevent that kind of result - even if
it’s Jim Tedisco or Scott Murphy. They say
that don’t have an inclination toward that
sort of thing. But they’re two career politi-
cians, with promises to special interests,
and they’ve made promises to the district
to spend money that doesn’t exist. And that
will have an impact for future generations,
for decades to come.
So you’re opposed to increased spend-
ing, but almost half the current stimulus
package was tax cuts. Senator DeMint of
South Carolina proposed an amendment
that would replace the entire stimulus
package with a tax cut package. What
would you say about tax cuts? Should tax
rates be lowered right now?
It should if they would be cutting spend-
ing, but they’re probably not doing either.
I don’t generally buy the argument that the
stimulus package is a matter of tax cuts.
Any time you inflate the money supply, in
a money system like this, it’s really a tax
increase, because there’s inflationary pres-
sure. The banks and the institutions man-
age to make money, but the average person’s
dollar is subject to huge inflationary pres-
sures. That’s a tax in and of itself. So I don’t
buy the idea that there’s a tax cut involved
with any of this at all.
On your website, you also talk briefly
about the importance of the environment.
What environmental policies should the
federal government be enacting?
Well, the Libertarian perspective tends to be
a little bit more contractual when it comes to
environmental issues. Obviously, if some-
one dumps garbage on your lawn, there’s a
course of action that you can take on a legal
path. So in terms of any sort of legislative
or political plan or proposal, anything that
reduces the size of the federal government
is subsequently going to reduce pollution.
The federal government is the largest pol-
luter in the entire United States. So in my
estimation, if you reduce the size of the fed-
eral government, you’re also going to be re-
ducing the amount of pollution. So, in that
regard, that’s the sort of issue that I would
employ in that type of situation.
So you think a reduction of the size of the
federal government should be the main
environmental policy that the federal
government should be enacting?
Potentially. And I think that the CAFE stan-
dards, and all the other things they’re try-
ing to tweak in order to get people to behave
in a certain way, are just grossly unfair and
inefficient, and just won’t work. We’re see-
ing strides in technology and strides in con-
sumer awareness that are achieving results
without, necessarily, the coercive hand of
government.
So you’d be opposed to the cap-and-trade
system that’s being proposed for green-
house emissions?
I’d say that I’m more skeptical; I don’t think
it’ll do any good and just lead to more lev-
els of legislation and bureaucracy, and ulti-
mately, in the end, just not make any differ-
ence.
One last question - higher education
funding is being cut by a lot of levels of
government right now. Many colleges,
including Bard, are finding it increas-
ingly difficult to put together a workable
budget. Would you be in favor of more
higher education spending right now?
Not at all. I’m in favor of eliminating that
spending altogether. Why should I be
spending any money of my own in order
to send you to a $50,000 a year college like
Bard, just to read Henry David Thoreau on
the weekend?[*] I see no obligation for any
taxpayer or individual to support anybody
else’s secondary education.
Alright. Any final comments?
Sure. If you look at the issues the Libertar-
ian Party will promulgate in an election,
you’re going to see the end of Social Securi-
ty, the unjust drug war - a lot of the other is-
sues: military spending, entitlement spend-
ing that’s really just ruining this country.
And the only thing I would add to that is
that we should be - human beings should
be - in the most prosperous time in human
history right now, and we’re being bought
and cheered up by federal and state policies
that do nothing but spend and waste indi-
viduals’ wealth and money, and eliminate
the prospects for any kind of notions of real
freedom and liberty in this country.
[*Ed. note: Though Mr. Sundwall’s invoca-
tion of Thoreau may appear quite impoli-
tic, his reference, whether accidentally or
not, may be valid. Behold, forsooth, in the
“Economy” section of Walden:
“At Cambridge College the mere rent of a stu-
dent’s room, which is only a little larger than my
own, is thirty dollars each year, though the corpo-
ration had the advantage of building thirty-two
side by side and under one roof, and the occu-
pant suffers the inconvenience of many and noisy
neighbors, and perhaps a residence in the fourth
story. I cannot but think that if we had more true
wisdom in these respects, not only less education
would be needed, because, forsooth, more would
already have been acquired, but the pecuniary
expense of getting an education would in a great
measure vanish. Those conveniences which the
student requires at Cambridge or elsewhere cost
him or somebody else ten times as great a sacri-
fice of life as they would with proper management
on both sides. Those things for which the most
money is demanded are never the things which
the student most wants. Tuition, for instance,
is an important item in the term bill, while for
the far more valuable education which he gets
by associating with the most cultivated of his
contemporaries no charge is made.” -T.W.]
 six years on paper

A material Manifestation by first-year graduate students at

the center for curatorial studies
12
Six Years on Paper
What you have in your hands is a spin-off of a spin-off. This publi-
cation is the second cousin of www.artwurl.org and a young, rebel-
lious sibling of www.six-years.com
It all began with the brainchild of Carlos Motta, artwurl, which
Tirdad Zolghadr’s ‘Curating and Criticism’ seminar at the Center
for Curatorial Studies inherited in August 2008. Shortly thereaf-
ter, in October, six-years.com saw the light of day. The site was, and
is, a “dematerialized” exhibition space that changes work, curator,
and critic on a weekly basis.
Six-years.com’s arrival brought together a group of five first-year
students as part of the seminar. These five newcomers were skep-
tical of the cybernetic utopianism and the undefined minimalism
that informed the web project, and answered with a “re-material-
ized” and geographically mappable contribution that went public
between December 12, 2008 and January 30, 2009. The dissidents’
modus operandi was a simple 3-step procedure: 1) invite artists
Cover: Miguel Amat, GLG Partners-London-Headquarters, from the series Top Hedge Fund Firms, January 2008
from their respective home countries (Belgium, Iran, Mexico, Unit-
ed Kingdom, Venezuela) to submit work, 2) display the final fifteen
selected works in an unexpected, loosely thematic constellation in
five installments on six-years.com, and 3) create a printed version
of the images and texts to remit to the contributing artists.
What you have in your hands is the culmination of this October
Rebellion. It brings an end to our resistance and turns us into Up-
state promoters, distributors, and reviewers of works by Ali Chit-
saz, Shadi Malek, Miguel Amat, Paul Newman, Saskia de Coster,
Johan Jacobs, Pablo Rasgado, Ruben Gutiérrez and Jaime Ruiz Otis.
Many thanks go to Christina Linden at CCS and the Bard Free Press
for generously (but perhaps unknowingly) helping us in complet-
ing this act of apostasy.
Andrea Torreblanca; Diana Stevenson; Carlos Palacios; Sohrab
Mohebbi; Sarah Demeuse.
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Paul Newman, Birmingham, United Kingdom
Traveling in the Socorro deserts of New Mexico, an unidentified flying
object drifts in to view. “Who’s there?” As this is a holiday destination
especially favoured by visitors from other planets, the question seems
relevant. However, it turns out that the visitor has only traveled a few
thousand miles from the UK, rather than the light years others make
to this particular location. But like the scientists and specialists of the
extra terrestrial, this visitor is also in the desert to undertake research,
Preceding pages: Somewhere in Socorro II, 2006; The Socorro Connection, 2006; Above: Somewhere in Socorro I, 2006
15
Six Years on Paper
to explore other dimensions of the various fictional characters that
populate his work. Paul Newman’s work (performance, painting and
installation) involves quasi-human creatures finding themselves in
discomforting scenarios. Interior anxieties are played out by placing
these creatures (already bearing the evidence of psychological unrest)
into an environment where their disquiet is amplified to the stuff of
nightmares.
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Six Years on Paper

Ripple

Up-down. Downsize history-locality; excavate punctual remains.

Borrow fragments and overturn them ironically, or even, place them just as they are.

Chronicles of confined pasts and presents: portrayals of strangers that glance on opposite sides.

This is the history of histories, where translation occurs at a distance; where individual battles emerge and archetypes are broken.

Recycling cycles and rippling ripples; a border that is never crossed.

Stumbling with the unknown at an edge in which nothing else occurs, but the anxiety of a mosquito flying in the midst of conflict.

Hub: an inverted “chapeau” utilized by one and all.

– a container embodying the Horse of Troy.

This is the history of histories: a paraphrase of antonyms.

Ruben Gutiérrez, Monterrey, Nuevo León, Mexico

Ruben Gutiérrez´s projects are oftentimes a mockery of the art world
and appropriate canonized language as a way to subvert it. At other
times, his work is a violent alteration of popular culture. For instance,
scenes form TV shows, movie sequences or images of childish nostalgia
constantly appear in his work. He uses a variety of mediums (drawing,
film and painting), each of which translates quotations that are frequent-
ly in-between sarcasm and seriousness. Ruben Gutiérrez has a ten-
dency to be suspicious about the artwork that is being produced today.
In Post Philosophical Needs he created a series of drawings that resemble
excerpts from action, drama, and political films. The trivial phrases he
inserted seem to reveal a whole spectacle by themselves. Ruben Gutiér-
rez currently lives and works in Monterrey, Mexico, where he founded
ONF (Object Not Found), a non-profit “semi-nomadic” space for contem-
porary art projects.

Right: Leave the Art Fair, 2006-2008

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Six Years on Paper

18

Pablo Rasgado Quintanar, Zapopán, Jalisco, Mexico
The work of Pablo Rasgado Quintanar often presents an encounter with the
quotidian. He tunes into a secret stratum that hides beneath the quotidian
surface and that often emerges in disguise. Pablo Rasgado walks the city
streets and interrupts his itinerary to remove elements that confound him.
By means of several formats he accumulates, assembles, and reconstructs
chronicles that pose philosophical questions that are implicit in every
Left: Landscape, 2006; Above: Lightnings, 2007
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Six Years on Paper
object. In this translation, each of his works open a possibility for collected
stories, as they unfold the predicaments of each of their layers. Landscape
(2006) is a dissected project that focuses on a single subject: mountains.
The repetition of this motif in multilayered quotations visualizes how we
see, interpret, absorb, and decipher meanings. Pablo Rasgado currently
lives and works in Mexico City.
Following page: Ali Chitsaz, 127, 2008
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Jaime Ruiz Otis, Mexicali, Baja California, Mexico

Debris, alteration, residue, and reuse are the main references for Jaime
Ruiz Otis´s work. His findings are almost archeological. He makes the
leftovers of manufacture labor evident by the single gesture of posing the
debris as it was revealed to him. The ruins of industrialized environments
become this artist’s playground. Jaime Ruiz Otis discloses the urban
framework in each of his projects to address different modes of produc-
tion. Coilder is the result of such disclosure, and is part of a series that
could be called The Many Faces of Cyber as it displays computer remains
as vestiges of what has evolved from outmoded technology. Jaime Ruiz
Otis currently lives and works in Tijuana, Baja California, Mexico.

Left: Coilder (Computer), 2005

To get to Memphis from New Orleans, it is necessary to drive the whole length of Mississippi, taking Route 55 where it starts somewhere over the Louisiana
swamps. The swamps from the highway cannot be seen in any detail and the trees and water are gone before you can take a picture. The landscape flickers away,
further away behind us, receding into the past along with the petrol cap we left at the gas station, the odd acquaintances, and the hospitable sunlight of a southern
winter. These pictures show landscape as an ephemeral thing, as much a fiction of reconstructive imagination than a document of the world outside. Romantic
memories of past adventures, idealised and distilled - clouds and a horizon line are all that are left. Did we see two people sitting on that rock, or was it the final
remains of some ancient relic? Is it time to saddle the horses? When we get to Memphis we can have some beer and look in to the Mississippi River.
24
Six Years on Paper
Ali Chitsaz, Tehran, Iran
Writing about Ali Chitsaz’s paintings is like dragging a camel out of a
shopping mall when the poor bastard is already walking itself out.
Beard and lollipops, football and tyranny, bored kings and Alain Robbe-
Grillet, vodka and fashion police, mangled in this chop suey of acrylic on
canvas they call painting. Post-colonial discourse becomes dry academism
that will dust its way on the bookshelves of well-educated collectors who
import fake Barbies from China, screw the local industry and spend their
holidays in the Caribbean. In the end they are not that much different
from the religious fanatics at whom Ali is smirking.
All in all this could be considered a rather decent textual bikini for Chit-
saz’s not much decent art.
Right: Best Day, 2008; Untitled, 2008
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Saskia De Coster & Johan Jacobs, Brussels, Belgium
The scenario is pretty common: two artists become friends and decide to col-
laborate. This time the story is set in Brussels in 2008; its main characters are
Johan Jacobs (1961) and Saskia De Coster (1976). He, the freelance photographer,
specializes in documentary, reportage, and portraiture and provides the images.
She, the writer, comes up with bold, often enigmatic statements that look like
captions.
Johan frequently contributes in Belgian newspapers and weekly publications
(De Standaard, Humo). His work has been included in several books and exhibi-
tions, such as 300 Jaar Geschiedenis van de Munt (1996) (300 Years of History
of the Monnaie) and Brussel, Groei van een Hoofdstad (1999) (Brussels, Growth
Left: Now the Chances of Being Struck are Pretty Slim, 2008
27
Six Years on Paper
of a Capital). Saskia’s acerbic columns appear in De Standaard and NRC news-
papers. She has published four daring novels - Vrije Val (2002), Jeuk (2004),
Eeuwige Roem (2006) and Held (2007) - and is now working on her fifth
book. Saskia has also written lyrics for musicians such as Dez Mona and Daan
Stuyven, and has worked with experimental theatre companies (The Crew).
Now the Chances of Being Struck are Pretty Slim (2008) combines a caption with
what looks like a burned portrait of a young man. The referent and context of
the caption are unclear. Through this semiotic ambivalence and skewed visual
perspective, the piece responds to a visual regime that is intrigued by disaster
and the representation of human destruction.
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Six Years on Paper

“On that Petrol Free Sunday people took out their bikes and headed in serpentines to the capital.”
I see highways as the open pastures of anti-OPEC wannabe Wild West explorers.
He rattles on about cycling on the worst traffic intersection in the country.
1970s in 2008.
Horses gush behind herds of buffalos. Kevin Costner’s voice somewhere.
1862 in 1990.
This is a sincere exercise in free association spiced with some cynical daydreaming parasitically feeding on another man’s nostalgia. Like re-enacting a historical
soccer game—Pelè scoring in the World Cup or Maradonna’s mano de dios—but backwards and interrupted each sixth minute for a Corona commercial.

Miguel Amat, Caracas, Venezuela
Miguel Amat belongs to a new generation of photographic docu-
mentarians. For his participation in the past edition of the Mercosul
Biennial in Porto Alegre, Brazil, Amat showed landscapes, which
were battle scenes of the Venezuelan Independence war. The im-
ages describe natural spaces without a trace of history of heroism;
instead, they seem totally insignificant until we notice the titles. In
Left: Miguel Amat, Goldman Sachs-Monaco, from the series Top Hedge Fund Firms, January 2008
29
Six Years on Paper
this series devoted to the Top Ten Hedge Funds, Amat recovered the
photographic collage technique of early avant-garde movements.
These images show the headquarters of failed capitalist companies in
the urban settings to which they belong. The result is a very complex
image that refers to the emptiness and the hybridization of capitalism
in urban areas.
Shadi Malek, Tehran, Iran
Shadi Malek is a printmaker. She has a silkscreen table in the middle of
her hall where occasionally, when in a particularly good mood, she makes
prints. She lives and works in Tehran.
Back cover: Untitled, 2008
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Kid With a Camera: Photographs by Wayne

By ANNA PUTNAM and DAN TERNA

When people call little Wayne “Lil Wayne” he tells them to call
him “Big Wayne” instead. But the title is pretty accurate—he’s
a three foot tall first grader in New Orleans. “There are times
when he’s extremely mature, trying to be the older kid, but
there are times when he’s just a regular six year-old who likes
to be picked up and held in your arms,” explains Anna Putnam
(’09), who teaches at his school through the Bard New Or-
leans summer camp. Wayne and Anna are pictured to the right.

Everyday at school Wayne runs aways with Anna’s point and

shoot camera in his hands. His photographs tell the story of his ad-
ventures through the hallways and playground of his school. What’s
so amazing about Wayne’s images are their composition and their
attention to the small details in a child’s world that most of us are
disconnected from. “It’s also how he encounters these unseen so-
cial dynamics—his photos aren’t these generic posed pictures that
we’d expect from a six year old,” says Anna. “He’s gone beyond
the novelty of a digital camera, where he needs to pose his subject
and then check the screen right after. When he was shooting with
my film camera, he didn’t need the reward of seeing the picture
immediately like the other kids—he just wanted to take photos.”
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34
Mark Lambert, the Asher B. Edelman Professor of Lit-
erature, graduated from Bard in 1962. He returned to
Bard as a professor in 1967 and retired this semester.
What made you want to come back to Bard
to teach?
Well, I knew Bard, I liked the people here, I
believed in the kind of teaching that was be-
ing done. At that time Bard thought of itself
as a very particular place, a place different
from other American colleges and universi-
ties.
Why English in particular?
I started out wanting to write. I did a creative
senior project, a collection of poems. I knew
very much this is what I wanted to do. I went
to a high school specializing in the sciences
and it became very clear to me that a career
in science didn’t interest me, and literature
seemed like a pleasant way to spend one’s
time.
Why are you retiring?
That’s actually a very hard question to an-
swer. I’ve been thinking about it over a num-
ber of years, in the past four or five, and part
of it is almost abstract. It’s been a very long
time that you’ve been in this one place - as
much as you like it, shouldn’t you try some-
thing new at some point? More specifically,
I’d say I had a rather ambitious book project
I wanted to take on and I realized that I’m
just not very good at working on that kind of
project while teaching, I wanted to be able to
concentrate on it.
What’s the book about?
I did a book a number of years ago, it came
out in 1980, on essentially one particular
stylistic device in Charles Dickens novels,
and in some sense the book was a kind of
stunt because it was so narrowly focused. I
had a lot of fun doing it, but what I wanted
to do was a larger project on what you’d call
period style in that same area, Victorian fic-
tion, which I find very rich, very interesting
for this kind of research. What I’m going to
be working on there is a larger number of de-
vices and characteristics which you find in
Victorian Fiction and not in contemporary
fiction or even early 20th century fiction,
or at least not as much, and what we can say
about those.
In the course of your career at Bard, what
would you say you’ve accomplished?
I wouldn’t say it’s any large structural thing.
It’s educating a large number of students,
which obviously doesn’t mean giving them
their complete education, but I think I’ve
been able to show students certain kinds of
things, particularly in the combination of
the history of the English language and the
work of English Literature. In some ways my
approach has been somewhat old fashioned,
or out of fashion, which to me has been more
important to do so at least students get a taste
of it - to pay very close attention with word-
ing. It’s almost a kind of ear training, to make
fine distinctions - one situation, one way of
describing a situation, is not really the same
thing as something else. There are differenc-
es that you’re discriminating; there’s both a
pleasure and much to be learned by making
these fine discriminations.
Interview and Photo by ALEX ERIKSEN
What book do you have the most fun
teaching?
A great many of them. If you put it a different
way, in terms of which author, I would say
Chaucer. In some ways he’s the most com-
panionable.
Did you have any teachers that inspired
you to become a teacher?
I had a number of extremely good teachers
when I was here. The one I’ve been thinking
about recently was someone who just started
when I was at Bard. 30 years old, beginning
poet, just had his first book published, a man
named Donald Finkel. He was my adviser
and a wonderful teacher; he was just here
that first year and wound up going to the
University of Washington in St. Louis. I saw
in the paper that he died in his 80s. I had no
contact with him in all of those fifty years
but it was lovely to work with him. Every
time I walk past his old office I get this sense
of layers of history. One of the most influen-
tial teachers for me was Erma Brandise, my
senior project advisor, my mentor, my friend.
It would take hours to describe her. I assume
people still remember her - Bard gives the
Brandise prize every year. She was a marvel.
What are five landmarks in English Litera-
ture in the last 200 years?
I would concentrate on the romantics, partic-
ularly Wordsworth and Keats. Ulysses has to
be in there. I love Dickens so I’d be sorry not
to have a representative Dickens novel in the
list. And for five I guess I’ll say Henry James.

Prof. Graham, a Bard College Fellow, has
been here since 2006, specializing in Victo-
rian Studies - a field that does not suggest his
somewhat remarkable upbringing. His father,
Philip Graham, was publisher and co-owner
of the Washington Post from 1946 until he com-
mitted suicide in 1963; his mother, Katherine
Graham, then took over and presided as the
Post broke the Watergate scandal. She chroni-
cled her own life in the Pulitzer-prize winning
autobiography Personal History.
What was it like growing up with parents
who were so prominent in the publishing
world?
One tends to accept whatever the environ-
ment is. So I wasn’t aware that there was
anything unusual about my family or their
circumstances. My father worked at this big
building and had an office at the top floor, but
you know, a lot of people’s fathers were busi-
nessmen. And the Washington Post Compa-
ny wasn’t really nationally known. It wasn’t
really a factor outside Washington D.C. until
Nixon and Watergate.
Was there every any discussion of you tak-
ing over the Washington Post?
It never entered my mind. For one thing, I
loathed Washington. I didn’t go to Bard, but I
easily could have. I’m the kind of arty younger
sibling who often winds up at Bard, whereas
his older siblings might wind up at Penn. I
never lusted for journalism or business in par-
ticular. I just didn’t have the political gene, the
journalistic gene. It’s like if your parents work
at G.M. and you have a rebellious streak, it’s
likely you won’t want to go into making cars.
You have to find some niche that hasn’t
been filled by somebody else, so you cast
around. I just couldn’t wait to get out of Wash-
ington. I do not have a sense of exclusion.
How did you handle your father’s suicide?
I’m still trying to figure that out. It was a such
a catastrophic event. I was 11. It affected me
traumatically and fundamentally. But I can’t
really quantify it. Losing a parent at that age
undermines your whole sense of stability
and probably makes you emotionally wary.
Guarded. Beyond that, you’ll have to talk to
my psychotherapist.
How did life change after your mother,
Katharine Graham, took over at the Post?
I was left to my own devices. My house be-
came the gathering spot of choice for a certain
counter-cultural element. I’m not going to use
the phrase ‘pot parties’…never let that phrase
escape my lips. Also at that time I played the
drums, and she was very understanding,
tolerant, about my really not very good rock
35
Prof. Stephen Graham attended Harvard and Yale Drama School, and
in 1979 founded the New York Theater Workshop, a renowned off-
Broadway non-profit theater, where he was executive director until
1986. From 1993 to 1998, he was co-publisher of Ecco Press. Before
arriving at Bard, he had previously taught at Columbia and at the New
School. He sat down with the FREE PRESS’s Joey Sims and discussed
how he set aside his tumultuous roots and carved his own path.
band rehearsing in the living room. But the and all my exams and papers were canceled The Ecco Press was on its own and was floun-
fact that she was often not there made that an freshman year. So that was an unexpected dering and having financial problems. I came
easier call for her. fringe benefit of the Cambodian incursion. on board for a number of years, trying to make
So there was benign neglect, you know, What was the inspiration for founding the it into a self-sustaining small literary press,
and it had its pluses and minuses. For exam- New York Theatre Workshop in 1979? which is…impossible. But nevertheless, we
ple, nobody ever made me do my homework. I worked on some shows and I produced a cou- tried for a while. But it continued to lose mon-
It’s kind of the lot of the younger siblings - the ple things. And then it became clear that there ey, although it was an enormously satisfy-
first-born are kind of hovered over and every were certain things that it didn’t make sense ing time. I met all these interesting poets and
step is watched and great things are expected, to put on Broadway, or even off-Broadway. so on. But at the end of the day, Ecco got sold
and by the time you get to number four, you re- Things like Sarah Kane’s Blasted, for example. to Harper Collins, so it’s now part of a larger
ally are left alone to carve out your own path. [When scripts] came across my desk I would firm. All those poets now work ultimately for
I liked being left alone. I could have done with have thought, ‘Hmm, this looks a little iffy Rupert Murdoch. I feel fine about that. Poets
some more supervision, it probably caused to have a backer’s audition and raise money deserve to get paid.
me some problems adjusting to college. When from a bunch of dentists, they’re gonna think So how have you found Bard so far?
I had to run my own life, I think it took me lon- this play is really strange. We need a non-prof- Awful. I don’t know how to describe the bru-
ger to figure out how than it might have. it arm.’ So I started it initially just as a founda- talizing work conditions here - no, honestly,
How did your mother handle the transi- tion, and then it kind of metamorphosed into a compared to the only other two institutions
tion? more traditional non-profit theater. I’ve taught at, Bard is, for me, ideal. It would be
She has nine lives, my mother. She stepped And ‘Rent’ had its first production at the more ideal if it were closer to New York City,
down as head of the company after a very suc- New York Theater Workshop. it’s a bit of a hike, but the trains run and are
cessful time. Then she worked for seven years It was largely a blessing, because prior to Rent comfortable. What I want is smart students
on her autobiography. Wrote the whole thing we were always financially strapped – which - and without denigrating the New School,
herself. She had never written a book. Filled is the case with most downtown non-profit a lot of the students there are perfectly intel-
up one yellow pad after another. It won the Pu- theaters of a very risky kind. And for the next ligent but it’s a mixed bag and there are a lot
litzer Prize. And now these plays and movie ten years we piled up royalties, so we always of people who are there to get a stamp put on
projects keep rumbling around. [The latest is had a cash reserve. It got the theater settled on their passport so they can get a job at Citibank
an HBO project written by Joan Didion, with a solid footing and gave us a lot more visibility. or somewhere like that.
Laura Linney rumored to play Katharine Gra- People started approaching us with a higher And Columbia is obviously a distin-
ham]. caliber of plays. The downside was that it cre- guished place but its personality is horren-
I admire her, you know, I admire her work ated a sort of welfare culture, a culture of de- dous. Feuding, backstabbing, hostility, un-
ethic. I loved her. We weren’t close in the sense pendency, so that Rent cash reserve gradually happiness, departmental rivalries – I mean,
of yukking it up together. She was earthy, dwindled. And now they’ve run out and we’ve it’s a really grim place to work. So at Bard I
but we didn’t totally share the same sense of really had to cut back. So it has reverted to its find collegiality, I find bright students, I find a
humor, let’s say. And there were moments of original, excitingly financially unstable state place that hires a lot of adjuncts. This does not
conflict. of being. please some tenured faculty, but it pleases me
What was life like at Harvard? What are the theater’s prospects now? since I’m not one.
I got there right in the middle of Vietnam, so If it collapses, it collapses. I don’t think immor- I don’t know if this is the sort of thing that
it was very political. My dorm room was right tality should necessarily be the aim of any- one should confess to, but I adore reading and
on Massachusetts Avenue, so every time there thing. One theater collapses, somebody comes researching things, and I love history, and I
was a demonstration they would march past. along and starts another. I never dreamt that it love novels, and I have crafted a professional
Spring of my freshman year there was a big would last this long. life of sorts in which I am able to pursue those
strike because we bombed Cambodia. There How do you remember your time at Ecco, interests in a somewhat focused, organized
were demonstrations and strikes and unrest, the literary press? way.

Comparatively paltry though Bard’s endowment may be, it’s nonetheless a source of power - one that demands to be
wielded responsibly. The way Bard invests its money carries worldwide social implications, which is why the Student
Responsible Investment Committee exists. Katie Burstein, who heads the SRIC, answered Henry Schenker’s questions.
What exactly is the Student Responsible Investment that is invested in a socially responsible mutual fund. The Bard’s committee is one of many similar committees at col-
Committee? Class of 2007 created this Fund with a portion of their class leges and universities across the nation. However, the Bard
The Committee consists of 4 student representatives and gift, and the Class of 2008 donated part of their gift to the committee stands out because Bard’s trustees afford it so
4 faculty/staff representatives. The students are elected at fund. Hopefully, donating to the Social Choice Fund will much responsibility. Bard is one of only a few colleges and
Student Forums. Our mission is basically to improve the become a tradition for graduating classes and alumni alike. universities that have a Social Choice Fund for Endowment
transparency and social responsibility of the College’s en- What has the Committee done recently? Giving. Recently, the national Responsible Endowments Co-
dowment, and leverage the endowment for social change. Recently, we engaged McDonald’s in a dialogue about re- alition chose a member of Bard’s committee to represent col-
Because the College owns shares of public corporations, it ducing pesticide use in its fruit and vegetable crops. The di- leges and universities everywhere at the Social Investment
has the right to speak directly with corporate management, alogue started out with a letter of inquiry, and continued in Forum’s Third Annual Forum on Responsible Investing.
raise issues that may be voted on by all shareholders at an- the form of conference calls and emails. We are proud to say How can people get involved with SRI?
nual shareholder meetings, and vote on issues that are im- that we have reached a formal agreement with the company A direct line of communication between the Bard commu-
portant to the corporation. which requires McDonald’s to survey U.S. potato suppli- nity and the management of public corporations is a huge
What are the Committee’s responsibilities? ers, look for best practices of pesticide use reduction, work deal. If someone is concerned about irresponsible corporate
The Committee has three responsibilities. First, it makes to encourage the adoption of those best practices through- behavior at a company we hold in our endowment, they can
proxy-voting recommendations to the Board of Trustees. out the supply chain and report back periodically to share- help the Committee write a formal letter expressing your
This means that instead of attending the annual sharehold- holders. In reaching this agreement with McDonald’s, Bard concerns. In the past, the Committee has teamed up with
ers meeting, we vote on issues by proxy, over the Internet. College has become a pioneer in shareholder activism: it is clubs like the Darfur Action Campaign to write letters to
It also maintains a partial list of the College Endowment’s just the second educational institution to come to a formal corporate management.
public stock holdings. Second, the Committee engages agreement with company management regarding company If you are interested in helping the Committee write a letter,
corporations held in the College’s endowment by writing policy. In the past we have engaged corporations such as or learning more about the Committee, please email Katie
shareholder letters and filing shareholder resolutions. Fi- Schlumberger and Conoco Phillips. In the future, we will Burstein (kb756@bard.edu) and Abbie Paris (ap678@bard.
nally, we support the Bard College Social Choice Fund for continue engaging companies. edu). Also, look out for SRIC-sponsored general-interest
Endowment Giving, which is a portion of the Endowment Are there other colleges doing this type of work? meetings and guest speakers.
36

Vampires Have More Fun

There are vampires among us. Fear not: they’re only part-time.
We, your humble and intrepid illuminators of this dark and
little-known world, have always felt an unaccountable plea-
sure from Dracula, Anne Rice, and others of that ilk. When we
saw Bela Lugosi snarling mysteriously from a poster on the
wall of Kline, we were immediately intrigued. The text was curt:
Vampire LARP. Free Juice. No Cape Necessary.

By Laura Cramer and Andrew Coletti

1.
We promptly emailed the address provided.
Never had Live Action Role-Playing par-
ticularly appealed to either of us in and of itself,
but the prospect of Bard students masquerad-
ing as creatures of the night was too titillat-
ing to turn down. Do they really think they’re
vampires? Do they actually drink each other’s
blood? How will I get in on this?
The first LARP of the semester was two
weeks away, which gave us ample time to get
our first glimpses of this strange new world—
and make our way in. We scheduled a prelimi-
nary meeting with one of the bloodsucking
LARPers, and in the days leading up to the
appointment, our anxious conversations were
crowded with stereotypical presumptions.
We fancied we would encounter characters
ripped from Napoleon Dynamite who were so
wrapped up in their own fantasy that they were
entirely unaware of its lunacy. We expected to
meet people who would be attractive solely on
the grounds of being absurd.
We were wrong. Our new friends were as
excited to meet us as they were welcoming and
kind. And we needed their help, as the strange
new world of the vampires turned out to be
more than we had anticipated.
The LARPers (a subdivision of the Bard
MET, our resident gaming club) entrusted us
with a lengthy sourcebook for the game, prop-
erly titled Vampire: The Requiem. We plunged
headlong into LARP, a long-time counterpart
to more traditional tabletop gaming. We learned
that, like its more famous cousin Dungeons &
Dragons, Vampire is a story-telling game in
which characters drive the action and resolve
conflicts by rolling dice. Bard’s incarnation of
Vampire is set in Kingston - not the Kingston
we all know, but a Kingston where supernatu-
ral madness is ever-present, like Gotham is to
New York City. The framework of the game is
a systematized slew of vampire myths drawn
from a wide variety of sources to suit the vary-
ing tastes of players. We could choose to play
as any of several kinds of vampires, from the
patrician and sophisticated “Ventrue” to the
grotesque and monstrous “Nosferatu.” Char-
acter creation allows the player to delve much
deeper than just these ‘clans’ – we were invited
to select our characters’ religious and politi-
cal affiliations, strengths and weaknesses, and
even a virtue and vice. Between the romantic
aesthetic conjured by the language of the game,
its suitably morbid content, and the enormous
degree of personalization available, we began to
feel our characters’ potential to take on a life of
their own.
Our new characters, tailored to suit our
respective fancies, couldn’t have been more
different. Laura became Reagan, a geeky and
unassuming Bard student newly enlisted by
the vampires and turned sexy as an agent on
campus: a role that, though tame, offered Laura
ample opportunity to ask journalistic questions
without breaking character. Andrew became
Seven Macaw, an ancient Mayan who went into
hibernation to avoid the Spanish Conquest and
to await the next epoch of creation. Awakened
a few years shy of 2012 during spring break in
what is now Cancun, he sampled many college
students, and found Bard blood to be the most
satisfying. Seven Macaw lacks the propen-
sity for social interaction and is bewildered by
modern conventions; the role that gave Andrew
ample opportunity to rant senselessly in a loin-
cloth and face paint.
More surprising than the joy we found fill-
ing in bubbles on a character sheet was the
striking absence of ridicule we experienced
when we shared this joy with our friends, who
were consistently supportive and excited to
hear the details. Regardless, there was a float-
ing, cursory disapproval of the whole concept of
role-playing, something that we ourselves felt
despite our now intimate involvement with the
game. A cultural undercurrent had informed all
of us that role-playing is irreconcilably uncool
no matter how engaging or harmless it may be.
Why the interested eyes but upturned nose?
Friday the 13th arrives - finally - the day
of the vampire LARP, and a fine day to be a
vampire indeed! I sit nervous across from story-
teller Senia, who is responsible for my pending
Photos by Anna Carnochan

‘embrace’ and initiation into the World of
Darkness. See, within a role-playing game
like Vampire, the Storytellers (STs for
short) craft a dynamic story line by prepar-
ing a web of contingencies and planning
multiple threads of conflict. The three Bard
STs meet for six or more hours the week of
each game to devise cunning plots to please
their fellow LARPers. Their task is daunt-
ing but fun – during the game, they are
called upon to perform the parts of vari-
ous ‘non-player characters,’ which means
every person, whether friendly shopkeep or
scheming foe, encountered by the players.
So there I, Laura, am in Kline with Se-
nia, and she is telling me, in a voice that is
not quite her own, how useful I will be to
the vampires. She is now Celia, a powerful
vampire who can brag of such traits as “an-
gelic looks” and “level 4 celerity.” Suddenly
quite sultry, she is asking me questions, and
2.
Having braved the challenges of last-
minute costuming and sneaking through
Kline and across frigid South Campus in our
costumes, we arrived at the LARP still un-
sure of what to expect. Would we be called
upon to fight imaginary enemies, or our fel-
low LARPers? Were we expected to stride
boldly into the room, our real selves discard-
ed, playing the parts of schoolgirl succubus
and cranky Mesoamerican to the hilt?
When we arrived at the deserted third
floor of Olin, we walked into a room that
resembled backstage right before a play is
to begin. Anyone who has ever done theater
can imagine this scene—the personal effects
strewn about, the hurried last-minute cos-
tume checks and line rehearsals, the palpable
excitement and anxiety in the air. This is pre-
cisely what the pre-LARP atmosphere was
like. The LARPers greeted us warmly and
immediately took it upon themselves to help
us complete our character sheets and fine-
tune other details. Periodically they would
escape outside to “run scenes” with each
other—transition swiftly into character to
impart information that would be important
later.
In retrospect, live action role-playing
and theater have a great deal in common.
The main difference is that this is theater
in which audience and cast are one and the
same. It is a gentle, friendly, maybe even in-
troverted sort of theater—one with the great
faceless Leviathan of the audience removed,
but theater all the same, full of nuance and
deliberation. Before we could even call our-
selves LARPers, when we were just two nuts
in a corset and a loincloth with some funny
ideas, we realized that the people around us
I stare at her blankly. My level 1 knowl-
edge of what the fuck to do is proving in-
sufficient. We are in Kline! People can see
us and maybe hear us! But then she leans
in. “You will have all eternity available to
continue your studies. You’ll be above and
beyond society, both human and inhuman,
and you will be out of contact with your life
as it is now. And you will be very beautiful.
Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Yes,” I said flatly, meaning it, and she
told me to close my eyes and reach out my
hand across the sticky table.
I think it was then that I felt the first
tinge of the perversity of role playing. It
wasn’t the sex and immorality inherent to
vampires. It was that I felt suddenly im-
bued with a secret power and I was actively
trading my own mundane world for some-
thing preferable, regardless of its relevance
to reality. And I liked it.
weren’t all that different from us, or anyone
who has ever wanted to pretend to be some-
body else, just for a little bit.
But the real task of the evening was upon
us. It was time to don our personas and see
what the STs had in store. We assembled in
one classroom that had become, temporarily,
the Elysium, or vampire meeting-place. From
there our evening was a blur of mystery and
vampiric jargon. Vampires, and even mortals,
were manifesting previously unknown at-
tributes! Members of the usual coven were
missing, leaving behind such ominous traces
as love notes and roses! And it was up to all of
us to get to the bottom of things.
The STs went through a whirlwind of
costume changes to flesh out the world they
had woven for us. Before our eyes they be-
came a free-wheeling vampire couple, a pair
of mortal hobos, a decrepit grande dame and
her monstrous acolyte.
We witnessed the most prominent mem-
ber of our vampire coven staked and resur-
rected. We tripped on imaginary vampire
psychedelics. We laughed, we pondered, we
got lost.
Do not think that this entire time we were
pretending to be a pair of vampires. Given
the nature of the story, at any given time we
might find ourselves split into three groups
in various areas of Olin, so whenever we had
‘off-time’ from the main story line, we were
encouraged to cross our fingers—a gesture
that indicates that the LARPer is speaking
as his or her regular self, out of character. We
also used this whenever we became particu-
larly confused by the story, which after all had
been going on for over a semester before we
tuned in. Through it all, the LARPers were
incredibly welcoming, frequently crossing
their fingers just to ask, “Are you guys hav-
ing fun?”
37
3.
new friends surely meet. And so-called geeks demonstrated a
they too possess extensive ob- confidence we lack.
scure knowledge, another trait And on closer examination,
Four hours later, the LARP necessary to geekdom. But to their penchant for the pretend is
was over. Ten exhausted some- call someone a geek has other not as weird as it at first seems.
time vampires, still in drapecoats, implications, namely social in- Everyone in college wants to
eyeliner, tribal facepaint, etc., capability and an utter dearth suspend their life for something
stumbled past scornful strangers of confidence. Our experience better. Leaving the LARP, I,
and into Michael’s Diner for a showed us this was clearly not Laura, whispered to Andrew,
well-earned dinner. the case. “Man, when was the last time
Popular consensus may be See, we are the ones who are our friends had this much fun
that live action role-playing is immersed in mainstream not- without getting fucked up?” It is
the geekiest of all possible ac- geeky pastimes most weekend quite trendy to alter your reality
tivities. But what is this stereo- nights and supposedly possess chemically. The LARPers do it
typical geek, and do the Bard theatrical confidence, but we manually. And what differenti-
LARPers fill that role? One im- experienced immense difficulty ates the reigning vampire sheriff
mediate cultural marker of the feeling comfortable with the from tonight’s beer pong cham-
geek is a lack of regard for con- kind of on-the-spot improvisa- pion? To each his own fantastical
ventional fashion, a criterion our tion LARPing calls for. These construction.
Who watches the Watchmen? Well, everybody.
Superhero flick grosses $55,655,000 at box office opening weekend.
By Alex Eriksen
The Dark Knight. Haley was born to play this role
and is pitch perfect as Rorschach. Nite Owl un-
der his mask is mild mannered Daniel Drieberg, a
nerdy everyman with a penchant for gadgetry. Silk
Specter, while easy on the eyes, does the most to
hurt the film; her fiery attitude fails to make it over
from the comic, leaving us with a dry and often
irritating presence on screen. Crudup’s Dr. Man-
hattan weighs heavily on his vocal performance,
not having the advantages of his eyes or facial
expressions we take so often for granted. His de-
The long-awaited film adaptation of Alan Moore’s
tached and deadpan delivery saves some of the
celebrated graphic novel Watchmen is finally here--
character’s dramatic gravity. The ripped and often
and it’s making waves among critics and moviego-
nude Doctor is an impressive show of what the
ers alike. After making back nearly half of its $120
latest in CGI can do. Goode’s Adrian Veidt is com-
million budget in just three days, the film’s future
petent, capturing the self-styled business man,
looks very bright, in contrast to its apocalyptic end-
although readers of the comic will see and argue
ing. Watchmen is hands down the most thoroughly
rightly that he’s been miscast. The comic’s Veidt
imagined and faithfully executed adaptation of any
is a more admirable figure than the dark character
comic book to film yet. However, the film generates
portrayed by Goode—a crucial factor in the de-
a strange set of problems that will perhaps prove to
bates comparing the film and the book.
be its most enduring legacy.
Watchmen’s marketing calls Zack Snyder a
These problems stem from the film’s literal inter-
“visionary” director. Watchmen is his third film, fol-
pretation of the source material. Watchmen is es-
lowing another comic adaptation, 300; and 2004’s
sentially a multi-million dollar paint-by-numbers. The
Dawn of the Dead remake. Three films are hardly
film plays the visuals and dialogue close, so close in
enough to qualify one to be called a “visionary”
fact that outside of an innovative and brilliant open-
unless they mean it in some other sense of the
ing title sequence, the film is nearly identical to its
word. The film Snyder has crafted is a monolithic
counterpart. Scenes and dialogue are lifted directly
and intensely stylized experience. Despite being
from the pages of the book; even the pacing is cop-
the longest superhero film ever made, many of the
ied directly from the source. This is perhaps Watch-
novel’s more intellectual ideas feel thin or altogeth-
men’s biggest problem. The graphic novel which DC
er omitted from the film. The book deconstructed
Comics distributed in 12 issues in September 1986
the idea of the superhero, taking intense glimpses
to October 1987 gave its readers time to digest in-
at the mind behind the mask. Sexual fetishism,
formation with each publishing. This transposition
psychological disorders, and violent antisocial
may leave the uninitiated feeling lost in Watchmen’s
behavior were all things brought to the surface of
many flashbacks and plot twists.
the idea of a superhero. It attempted to answer
Watchmen takes place in an alternate-history
the question of why no one actually ever has tried
version of 1980s America, where superheroes have
suiting up and fighting crime. Furthermore, it ex-
become a part of the fabric of American culture.
plored what impact these individuals would have
After more than forty years of masked vigilantism,
on world politics and popular culture. Altogether it
government regulation bans the costumed heroes.
drew up the question of what it meant to be a hero
Most of them retire, yet one, the enigmatic Ror-
in a world that hardly seems worth saving.
schach (Jackie Earl Haley), still patrols the streets.
The film opens with Edward Blake (Jeffery Dean
Watchmen is ultimately a very curious film.
Never before has such a dive into a novel’s world
Morgan), a former superhero known as The Come-
been taken. Despite its lofty ideals never truly be-
dian, falls to his death from the window of his high-
ing realized, the movie is thought provoking and
rise apartment. Rorschach, formerly his companion
intelligent. The action set pieces are what one
the crimefighting fraternity known as the Watchmen,
would expect from a huge studio film, and the
is the only one to suspect any foul play. At the same
special effects are top notch. Watchmen, by liter-
time, mounting pressure between the U.S. and the
ally transferring the page to the screen, brings with
Soviet Union points to a nuclear holocaust on the
it the same layers of problems one would have an-
horizon. Rorschach connects the dots and believes
alyzing the book. Little new life--except the great
a plot is at work to eliminate the remaining members
opening scene and altered ending--is injected
of the Watchmen in order to prevent them from in-
into the film. It would have been interesting to see
terfering.
more freedom of expression from Snyder. What
Rorschach, who in both novel and film serves as
touches he does add, particularly in his choice of
a narrator of sorts, peppers the film with snippets of
music, are largely cliché or unnecessary. Overall.
gravel-voiced diary entries. He rallies what remains
it would seem he was too afraid of disappointing
of the Watchmen, including his own ex-partner the
the comic’s fans. But despite its flaws, Watchmen
Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson), the beautiful Laurie Jupi-
is an incredible piece of American art. Without a
ter a.k.a. Silk Specter (Malin Akerman), the so-called
doubt there is more beneath the surface and re-
“smartest man in the world” Adrian Veidt a.k.a. Ozy-
peating viewings may give some glimpse of it. For
mandias (Matthew Goode) and the godlike Dr. Man-
the average moviegoer, the effects and action are
hattan, voiced by Billy Crudup. All these characters
worth the price of admission. For the book’s fans,
are given serious exposure, contributing to the film’s
a deeply rich and complex world awaits, despite
162-minute run time.
the few stumbling blocks that were inevitable for a
The performances are good, with Haley’s Ror-
project with such a large scope.
schach stealing the show with a gritty and feral
display that harkens to Heath Ledger’s Joker from
38
By Jesse Alexander Myerson, ‘08 I was reading something Baron Vaughn
Dear Bard Community, wrote (who you’re headlining with next
Hi. It’s me, Jesse. Graduated last year. Remember me? Doesn’t mat- week at Comix), and he wrote any college
gig you do is going to be weird.
ter. Just trust me.
It’s always weird.
I threw a lot of parties as a student, both as a club head and a DJ. I’ve
That’s why we at least try to do a real
been the latter a few times since graduating, and it has given me a fifth
show.
year’s worth of insights into the party life at Bard. Such as it is. I want to I’ve done a lot. I went on the road with John
issue some suggestions. Mulaney last year, and the range of shows we
Firstly, if you are organizing a party: did - one night we’d have an auditorium with
Get a good DJ. It makes a big difference to have someone who can a wireless mic and a spotlight, then the next
beat-match and keep a steadily-increasing, uninterrupted tempo through- day we’d be in a cafeteria at 5:30 in the af-
out the night. Also it helps if the DJ is stocked with at least some songs ternoon. You just never know. I wanted to do
in all of the following genres: rap, R&B, pop, dancehall, reggaeton, salsa/ another joke but I was afraid I’d sound rac-
merengue, oldies and dance/electronic. This will provide every partier ist. I live across from a junior high school with
with at least one thing s/he can really get down to. For instance, Damian a lot of Puerto Rican kids. You can tell me if
Marley’s “All Night” is exactly the same tempo as M.I.A.’s “Boyz,” which this is funny: a kid smashed a stink bomb with
is just one bpm faster than Freak Nasty’s “Da Dip.” This sequence takes
care of Caribbean hip-hop heads, leftist hipsters and nostalgic radio-lis- his foot, then ran onto the train. So
we’re on the train, but he smells like Comedian Joe Mande graced the Bard Comedy
teners all within the span of about 7 min.
Advertise a lot. And early. Like, at least a week. A Facebook group is shit! He broke the stink bomb, and Workshop on March 4th along with local favorite
not enough--though it is completely imperative, and preferably with more they’re all laughing because it was Bardians Nelson James, Vincent Lechowick, and Paul
a prank, but now the train smells like
than one administrator, so that more than one entire circle of friends gets King. He spoke with Dan Wilbur after the show about
shit because that guy’s boot smelled
like shit. And they’re all laughing at college shows, his edgier material - such as the New
the people on the train making weird Yorker Captions (a satirical response to the moron
First Treatise on Etiquette faces. How are you making fun of
who made the infamous “Stimulus Monkey” cartoon)
them? You smell like shit! But there
for Parties, Both their was this hipster girl who was laugh-
ing, but with them, you know? Like,
- and his only IMDB credit.

Throwing and Attending, ‘Oh, I get you guys.’

She thought she was really cool
3,000 kids and 2,000 sketch groups,
and a lot of them are funded by the
up to me, and was like ‘Good set, man.
You should watch out, though - a lot
and their Implementation with them suddenly.
Yeah, like, what was her goal? Are
school. It was fun but really stupid,
then after college I decided I didn’t
of people know who that guy is. And
that’s his big joke.’ And I was like ‘Well,
both Foul and Proper: An the kids going to be like, “Yo, girl,
usually we don’t do this, but if you
want to do sketch or improv. My brain
just isn’t fast enough for improv.
that’s his problem. I’m not gonna start
a feud, but he has a joke about stab-

Open Letter want to smash stink bombs on the Q

train, you should come along.”
This leads me to another ques-
tion: Your ‘captions’ for the New
Yorker -
invitations. You need posters in all the usual places, plus a big butcher- Those are fake.
paper sign, which is free to make at Student Activities. Print smaller ver- I know! I fell for it the first time,
though. Is there material you
sions of the poster and leave them on tables at Kline and DTR. Make
stay away from?
the posters clever and striking. Word Art is disingenuous and smacks of
I have a lot. I don’t want to do too
laziness. much stuff about being Jewish be-
Decorate in fun ways. Streamers and shit are really cheap, and Stu- cause I hate that New York vibe. It
dent Activities actually has Christmas lights, which are cute. By the way, just seems really 80s to go up there
DO NOT KEEP ANY LIGHTS ON DURING THE PARTY. Not even a and talk about Jews and living in
single one of the faux candles if the party is in Manor. There is already New York and loving bagels, though
too much un-turn-off-able light flooding in from the refreshment room. I have a joke about loving bagels. I
People want to dance and escape, imagine that they are in a club, see don’t want to harp on one thing too
other people enough to know where their genitalia are, and not be seen much. I have another joke about
too well dancing like a maniac. black kids choking me, and some-
As I understand it, the rule on alcohol is now that you cannot spend times I do it, but other times I’m
club money on a keg. The thing is, that’s a majorly important thing at a clearly making people uncomfort-
party and it’s not actually that expensive, especially if the cost is split able. But it’s all autobiographical. I
between, like, ten club members. It means forfeiting your own alcohol can’t help it that people choke and
stash for like a week or two in the interest of throwing a great party, which rob me.
should not be a difficult judgment to make. Right.
OK, now for party goers: What the fuck is wrong with you guys? That’s another thing about colleges,
Why go to a party that ends at 1:40 and arrive at 12:40? That gives that if you talk about sex and drugs
they’re down, but then if you do any-
you one hour to dance, which is not enough time to get drunk and not
thing racial, they kind of stifle their
enough time to arrange to get laid. As someone who spent a good deal of
laughter because they don’t want to
energy and inventiveness over four Annandale years trying to get drunk
seem insensitive, you know? You
and laid, I take this to heart. leave college, and you find out no-
When I was a freshman, parties got good at 11:30 (which is seriously body gives a shit.
not fucking early). I guess that people would think, “It’s not going to get Let’s do some basics: when did
good until 11:30, so let’s not go until 11:45,” and so forth until now parties you start comedy, and where?
don’t get good until 12:40. And I’m playing really good music to no danc- I started in High School.
ers for three and a half hours. People get to Manor parties late because That’s amazing.
they think those parties suck. And they think the parties suck because I did improv, then senior year I start-
no one gets there until too late. There’s only one way out of this vicious ed doing stand-up, but it was stand-
cycle: a community decision to start going to parties earlier. Pre-game up in Minneapolis, so there were
at 9, get to the party at 11, and go nuts for two and a half hours! Totally only two open mics. I must have quit
enough time to pick up a one night stand and slur your speech a bit. I stand-up comedy like eight times.
recommend a Facebook group: “Once 100 People Join This Group, All Like any time I did an open mic, it
100 Will Go to Parties Earlier.” was just fucking terrible, and I’d say
And don’t request a thousand things from the DJ. As previously men- ‘this is awful, I’m never doing this
tioned, beat-matching is important, and I’m not going to stop Montell Jor- again.’ Then I transferred to Emer-
dan’s “This is How We Do It” (103.6 bpm) to play Beyonce’s “Diva” (146.2 son after a year at Madison in Wis-
bpm). It’s not important enough to me. Unless it’s a Tivoli party whose DJ consin where there was no comedy.
In fact my dorm was across from
equipment is an iPod, just expect that the DJ is going to play some cool
The Onion, and they just left to go
shit, and enjoy it.
to New York. So I said ‘OK, I’m not
And dress sexy, for crying out loud. This does not, as apparently many
fucking staying in Wisconsin.’ Then
people think it does, mean push-ups and fishnets. A cashmere sweater at Emerson I actually started focus-
and modest jeans can be sexy, as long as that’s your style. The fact has ing and writing jokes.
remained since early in the last century: dresses tend to accentuate the Do you still do improv?
female body well; slacks and ties, the male. No. When I went to college I thought
Partying is really important, so get it right, okay? See you next time. I wanted to do sketch. Emerson has
Do you do any crowd work then?
Not really. I’m not good at it. It’s a skill
set that you need to take down heck-
lers. I can handle it, but I’m not a pro.
Why do I need to be good at talking to
assholes? It’s a shitty thing that I don’t
like about being a comedian.
It’s cool you weren’t necessarily
forced to go the Upright Citizens
Brigade route.
You don’t have to. I remember, when I
first went to New York, I went to a party
at there and I was hanging out in the
green room, and one of the kids had
a UCB tattoo. I was like ‘Oh my God!
Really? A tattoo?’ That’s a bit much.
I’m gonna find other places to perform
as well as this place.
It’s great that you moved so fast
though. 20 at Emerson to 25 and
juggling multiple things.
Yeah. Last year was the first year
I ever lived as a comedian. I didn’t
make a ton of money, but I paid rent
by doing shit, hustling.
Did you end up running from club
to club every night?
Not clubs. I got writing jobs and col-
leges. And weird shit would fall in my
lap. 23/6.com paid us for videos. I had
a lot of fun with that.
Can you talk about the MTV thing?
Silent Library for America, right?
One of the producers at MTV came to
our show. Noah Garfinkel, my writing
partner, and I do this thing called ‘The
List of Nothing’ which we’ve done for
two years, which is ideas for sketches
and videos that we thought were really
funny, and then realized they’re just
terrible. Usually they’re just puns. Like:
‘Cerano De Bernie Mac,’ shit like that.
We now have 15 PowerPoint slides
filled with hundreds of these, and ev-
ery night, we just breeze through it on-
stage, and the MTV producer was like
‘I think you guys have the right sen-
sibility for this Japanese game show
we’re bringing to America.’ It was fun.
I was wondering about your joke
about another unnamed comic,who
tells an uncomfortable joke. You
were the only one with the balls
to say ‘This is the joke, and here’s
what’s wrong with it.’
Yeah, when I was in L.A. doing a
showcase, another comedian comes
bing gay kids. That’s really fucked up.’
So you’re not afraid to rebuff other
comics.
I’m fearless. No, I’m full of fear. I’m
scared of everything.
Do you remember bombing?
When I first started out, that’s all you
do. My summer living in New York do-
ing the Maury Show, all I did was bomb.
It was not so much my material but
the places I was performing. I haven’t
bombed in awhile. I’ve had shitty
shows, but now I have a stockpile of
10-15 jokes that I know will always get
some kind of response. It’s comforting.
I’m gonna do really bad sometimes.
But bombing is its own feeling. There’s
nothing worse than fucking bombing,
where everything you say is to silence.
That’s why people stop. It’s shameful.
You feel really bad about yourself, but
you feel bad that other people have to
endure it. Oh, God.
Do you write every day? Or does
stuff fall on you?
I have friends that can just sit at a desk
and think. I don’t know. Crazy shit just
happens to me. I’m like a magnet for
crazy people. Something will happen,
and I just have to write it down. A lot of
that really dumb shit goes on that ‘List
of Nothing’ and that’s a good outlet. It
gets the garbage out of my brain.
Final question. Yeti: A Love Story?
Oh, fuck! I did that movie as a favor
for my roommate who said I owed
him money even though I didn’t. The
movie is just fucking crazy. I play the
kid no one likes, and I go to take a
shit, so my big scene is that I’m out
in the woods, and I hear a noise so I
run, but the branches are ripping my
clothes off, so I’m running naked and
a guy shoots me in the chest. I was
like, ‘Well, no one will ever see this,
and I won’t owe the kid money.’ Then
a year later, Troma buys the movie,
and it was released nationally. I hope
when I’m rich I can buy the rights to
that movie, and just collect them all
and burn them.
For more of Joe’s work, go to joe-
mande.com. If you missed Joe, come
by Down the Road for Seth Herzog
(Chappelle’s Show, Best Week Ever,
Conan) on March 18th.
Pete Seeger Storms Weis
39

By Enrico Purita
What do you get when you take the 89 year
old face of the man who’s name is synonymous
with American folk music and 100+ Bard kids
willing to sacrifice their future children in his
name? During an unassuming Thursday after-
noon at Weis Cinema, Pete Seeger treated a
crowded conglomerate of mesmerized students
to two hours of storytelling, sing-a-longs, and the
mere inspiration of his presence.
Pete Seeger could’ve done almost anything
when he walked into Weis. The venue was
filled to its maxium capacity only to get more full
as Seeger went on. Every seat was filled with
people taking a break from class, not going to
class, or just rolling out of bed to see Pete
Seeger.
It really didn’t matter what Seeger did. Luck-
ily, however, he gave us a picture of the brilliant
persona that has made him a seminal figure in
modern American history.
After an hour-long anecdote filled with twists,
turns, and endless digressions, Seeger conclud-
ed that whenever confronted with an important
scientific discovery, don’t tell anyone.
The highlight of the talk was Seeger’s mus-
ings on how much hope he has for the fu-
ture stating that he has “never been this op-
timistic about the future in his life.” Seeger

wanted to instill on his audience that
he feels the world is legitimately im-
proving (a breath of fresh air when
confronted with the current trend of
apocalyptic prophecies).
In an interesting question and an-
swer session, one student asked
about the similarities Seeger sees in
the current age of wiretapping and the
Patriot Act as compared to Cold War
politics of the 1950s. Seeger, while
not exactly a proponent of the Bush
doctrine, was quick to point out that it
was a lot worse back then. He made
clear that never had he seen the youth
as aware as it currently as opposed to
the 1950s that saw Seeger himself get
blacklisted for his membership in the
U.S. Communist Party.
Seeger performed two songs and
invited everyone in the audience to
sing along. His style of performance
was consistent with the Pete Seeger
that most are accustomed to. After
singing, he’d break to muse further on
the state of the world and, when he felt
inspiration, he would start up his banjo
and urge everyone to sing along.
Seeger’s legendary banjo, with the
inscription “this machine surrounds
hate and forces it to surrender,” was
also in attendance.
The crowd slowly thinned out after
Seeger was done. However, a large
following hovered around Seeger to
simply hear him speak. Very rarely
does an individual get treated in such
a Christ-like manner at a place where
the large majority of people think Christ
was an okay prophet. For this day,
Pete Seeger was bigger than Jesus.

Springtime in the Hudson Valley

As the days lengthen and the sun once again returns to upstate New York, students
should take the opportunity to enjoy some truly amazing scenery.
Story & photos by Rob Ross
I saw the first bud of the spring of 2009 on February 21st begin to rebuild their lodge. A Great Horned Owl is living
in the tidal marshes near Kruger Island. I think it was a somewhere in the bays, and snapping turtles will begin
buckthorn bush, or maybe poison oak; it’s hard to tell when mating in the tidal marshes from the Saw Kill to Tivoli.
they don’t have leaves. I was standing in the middle of sea of You haven’t really lived until you watch two 40 lb. turtles
cattails colored red by the setting sun, and I felt, not for the making sweet, slow love.
first time, a little sad that I’m about to graduate.
During my time at Bard, I’ve met more than a few seniors A gnarled white pine growing out of the rocky
who have never seen the ruined building on Kruger Island, bank of Kruger Island is defended by and pair
never been to the gardens at poets walk, never swam in the of dive bombing blue-jays. In a few weeks, bald
water fall, never been to the floating dock in Tivoli bays. This eagles nesting on the Island will lay eggs and
is a shame. What’s the point of going to a rural college if you begin to hunt fish and rodents to feed their chicks.
never take the time to explore the woods?
In the coming weeks, get out and see the really awesome
animals around bard. Bald Eagles on Kruger Island should
be laying their eggs soon. A family of beavers living north
of the island avoided hunters this winter and will soon
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