By Johnny Lucas

1. The right wing finally has a guy in political office they can’t complain about.
That’s fair, it was their turn. When the right has not complained for a while, ge
t ready for complaints that the left is not letting poor Rob do what he was elec
ted to do. It’s nice that everyone has a turn to complain, isn’t it?
2. Rob Ford’s guest of honour at his swearing in ceremony today is the buffoon
Don Cherry. Ford shoots off his mouth less than Cherry, takes more responsibilit
y for what he says than Cherry has to, and Ford probably looks respectable stand
ing next to Cherry. Who does not want Toronto’s mayor to look good? Fat, out of sh
ape, impatient, self-absorbed rich people have had a hard time feeling good abou
t themselves lately. They will never feel better about themselves than they do t
oday.
3. Ford will either kill off the “downtown elites” or make them stronger. We’ve tor
tured them long enough and they make a lot of noise when they are uncomfortable.
TROC (The Rest of Canada) loves to hate Ontario. Ontario loves to hate Toronto.
Most of Toronto loves to hate downtowners. Downtown Torontonians are the most s
uccessful, best educated and most influential group of people in the country. Th
ey even dress better. If they can’t triumph over Rob Ford they should be put out o
f their misery.
4. Bookmakers will take odds on whose health or death forces them from office
first: Rob Ford or Hazel McCallion. Media will say what a horrible this is to d
o. They will embellish their outrage daily making sure that everyone savours eac
h wrinkle of their disgust and they will debate it with other “news personalities” e
very slow news day. Their righteousness will know no bounds. Righteousness, appa
rently, is good.
5. Ford’s election will inspire people to enter politics on the philosophy that
“If he can do it, I certainly can.” In 10 or 20 or 30 years an exceptional person w
ill say at his or her inauguration that his or her self confidence had its begin
nings in the sure and certain knowledge that, although imperfect, he or she woul
d be better than Rob Ford.
When Rob Ford is sworn in today he will state the following:
* Repeat after me: Ford will repeat this declaration:
I Rob Ford, having been elected to the office of Mayor in the City of Toronto do
solemnly promise and declare that:
I will truly, faithfully and impartially exercise this office to the best of my
knowledge and ability.
I have not received and will not receive any payment or reward, or promise there
of, for the exercise of this office in a biased, corrupt or any improper manner.
I will disclose any pecuniary interest, direct or indirect, in accordance with t
he Municipal Conflict of Interest Act.
I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the S
econd. And I make this solemn promise and declaration conscientiously believing
it to be true and knowing that it is of the same force and effect as if made und
er oath.