Eamon Straub / Period 3 / Marriage

Throughout the book “Happy Are You Poor” written by Thomas Dubay, there are many

references throughout the text about marriage. The teaching of the Catholic Church as many may

already know is that a married couple must commit themselves totally to one another until death.

As said in the vows at catholic weddings, “til death do us part.” This is a commitment to that

person who you say those strong words to. Furthermore, “Happy Are You Poor” by Thomas

Dubay displays what marriage is from different point of views.

To begin, in chapter seven, “A Sparing-Sharing Lifestyle”, it makes great references into

a married life. It begins by talking about words, “Yes, words are cheap, and many of us abound

in them. Saints are quite the opposite: they say little, do much. They are aware of the New

Testament’s demand that if we see even one brother in need but close our heart to him, we

cannot be loving God, that we are to love not simply in word but also in action (I Jn 3:17-18).

This quote from page 62 can be reflected upon in many different points of views as well as many

different ways. Many could also relate this quote to other topics other than marriage. But this

quote relates to marriage in many ways. Therefore, going back to the vows that we make to our

partner while standing face to face in front of friends, family, Jesus Christ, the Church, and the

list goes on, these words that we say cannot just be words. Of course, it is always nice to hear

exciting things and there is nothing wrong with that, but it is a lot more meaningful whenever

those words are lived out and there are actions that go with them. For example, “I promise to be

true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all

the days of my life.” This is heartwarming to hear, but what if one day that perfect couple hits a

hard bump and the husband or wife leaves? That would be dishonoring the words that was said.

This goes back to when it states, “we are not to love not simply in word but also in action”. In
marriage you should fix that bump you are going through and provide actions for those words

that you have once said, “Words are cheap, actions are costly” (62). Another quote from the text

that easily can be related back to marriage is, “To say that I love another and then refuse to share

(to the extent of this rough equality) is mere rhetoric. I have the words of love but not the deeds”

(66). In marriage you must share, or it will never work out. Whenever you become married you

almost become one in a way. That is the person who you are supposed to spend the rest of your

life with without any exceptions. Therefore, you must be able to share. Sharing can be a number

of things, this could be sharing your living space, sharing your food, sharing yourself. All of

these things along with many more are ways that you will need to adjust once you become

married. If you do not share and are not a sharing person, then maybe marriage is not your route.

Next, in chapter four, “Poverty and Premises”, there are a lot of great points about love

relating to marriage etc. For example, on page 42 it states, “It is not enough to love him with

95% of our heart, not enough to be detached from major obstacles, not enough to be merely

cordial and helpful in community, not enough to be regular in prayer. No we are to love with a

whole heart, and to be detached from all we possess, to enjoy a complete communal unity, to

pray always” (Mt 22:37; Lk 14:33; Jn 17:23; Lk 18:I). This relates back to marriage because you

should not be missing an extra 5% of love. All of that love should be present or maybe that

person just is not right for you. We should go all in and love as hard as we are capable of loving.

It is not fair to ourselves or our partner if we are only partially invested into a relationship. In

marriage, you can grow from each other. If you have faced a major obstacle in your life, your

partner can help you grow from that and overcome it with love. You should find extreme

happiness within your partner and learn to love them more and more every day. There should not

be any forced love there, “The New Testament assumes that happiness is found not in things but
in persons and especially in the Divine Persons” (41). This is saying that you cannot find

happiness in things, but rather in a person. This comes right back to marriage because you should

receive extreme happiness from the person who you love. You can find happiness in things for a

brief amount of time, but a certain thing will not make you happy for the rest of your life like a

person would. Finally, another quote that was interesting and stuck out in the text stated, “We

need joyous, loving men and women to show in their lives that one can live a. Sparing-sharing

lifestyle and still be happy and fulfilled” (85). This quote can also be related back to marriage

because there are many men and woman everyday who live out a sparing and sharing lifestyle

married with each other every single day. They are still happy and doing that with another person

only helps one grow. Having a person by your side who is loving and joyous will help one grow

and also help that other person grow. Having a husband or wife in your life can be so helpful in

so many different ways and that is why marriage is so beautiful. It is amazing what you can

accomplish when someone you love believes in you and pushes you to be the best man or

woman you can be. Overall, marriage is such an amazing thing that can be looked at from

numerous different points of views.

In conclusion, after reading “Happy Are You Poor” written by Thomas Dubay and

reflecting upon marriage throughout the text I have learned a lot of different things as well as

learned to look at things with an open mind and reflect. In addition, after writing about marriage

it excites me more and more about my future and finding the right person for myself.

Furthermore, I hope to grow the person that I end up with as well as my partner growing me. I

want to live out a marriage with God present and apply that to my life. There are a lot of things

that can come from reading this book and I would definitely recommend it to other Catholics as

well. Overall, this book was interesting and fun to read and I really enjoyed reflecting upon
marriage because that is something that I definitely want in life and it helped to have a better

understanding of some expectations on applying that to my life later on.