There are three kinds of adultery: physical (the worst); emotional (very distres

sing); and mental (the secret kind). Physical adultery breaks up marriages, dest
roys homes and creates distraught children. Even if it is forgiven and the coupl
e reunites, it is not forgotten. There is always wondering, "Will it happen agai
n? Did it happen last night?" Emotional adultery is quite common. In the workada
y world, husbands often become more attached to their female employees and assoc
iates than to their wives. Working wives become more emotionally attached to the
ir boss and fellow workers than to their husbands. It is understandable. After a
ll, she spends more waking hours with men at work than with her husband.
I was asked, "How should a Hindu man relate to women in the workplace and mainta
in his religious life?" Very carefully, very carefully. It's important that you
remember that you have a path to follow and you are in the workplace to do your
job, be friendly to everyone equally, not having favorites nor any likes or disl
ikes. Behavior should be professional. Professional behavior is detached behavio
r yet friendly behavior. The Tirukural reminds us, "The chivalry that does not l
ook upon another's wife is not mere virtue--it is saintly conduct" (148).
Mental adultery--that's the secret culprit. Who knows what anyone is thinking? B
ut the feeling is one of drifting away into a fantasy world, of deciding to beco
me or not become emotionally or physically involved with someone other than one'
s spouse.
But most devastating, most insidiously devastating, is mental adultery through p
ornography. The visualizations, the fantasies, the changes in sexual habits it p
roduces and the secrecy all bundled into one creates a distance between spouses,
unless of course they are enjoying the same pornographic episodes. A verse in t
he Atharva Veda implores, "Sin of the mind, depart far away! Why do you utter im
proper suggestions? Depart from this place! I do not want you! Go to the trees a
nd the forests! My mind will remain here along with our homes and our cattle" (6
.45.1. ve, p. 489). It is hard to believe such verses were composed thousands of
years ago. Human problems haven't changed that much, have they?
The Sanatana Dharma is the oldest religion in the world. Therefore, its follower
s are the oldest people in the world, having fully explored sex (the Kama Sutra
is the oldest known erotic text) and learned how to control it; established a sy
stem of sanctified marriages and found out how to keep interpersonal relations g
oing unhindered. India's culture spread all through Asia, and because of it one
rarely sees any affection shown in public--kissing, hugging, hand-holding, touch
ing or feeling. One might wonder how such a large population can be accounted fo
r!
Hindus know that the sexual force is an energy, either under control or out of c
ontrol. When controlled, it creates peace, well-being and health and provides a
mental, emotional, physical balance. When out of control, just the opposite is t
he case: confusion, secrecy, stress, fear of discovery, lingering guilt, which c
reates misunderstandings and unresolvable situations