LOSS.

The great thinker, who had found a ‘meaning’ in everything, wrote: ‘I find the loss very hard to bear. I don’t think I have
experienced such grief . . . I work out of sheer necessity; fundamentally everything has lost its meaning to me.’

By 1929, Freud accepted that ‘the acute sorrow we feel after such a loss will run its course, but also we will remain
inconsolable, and will never find a substitute . . . and that is how it should be. It is the only way of perpetuating a love that
we do not want to abandon.’

When “point A” is unpleasant, the last thing we want to do is to stay

and feel our experience. Rather than entrusting ourselves to the
waves, we want to get away, to lash out, to numb ourselves, to do
anything but touch what is real.

In more than thirty-􀉹ve

years of teaching meditation, I’ve seen it help countless people to
reawaken love, relieve emotional anguish, and let go of addictive
behaviors. For so many. the commitment to practicing meditation
has created the grounds for a deep and beautiful transformation of
heart and spirit.

Just as weight lifting builds muscles, the way you direct

your attention can strengthen anxiety, hostility, and addiction, or it
can lead you to healing and awakening.

Imagine presence as a spring-fed forest pond—clear, still, and

pure. Because we’ve spent so much time lost in the woods of our
thoughts and emotions, we often have trouble 􀉹nding this pond. But
as we sit down to meditate again and again, we become familiar
with the path through the woods. We can 􀉹nd the gap between the
trees, we know the roots we’ve tripped over before, we trust that
even if we get caught up in the brush and bramble, we’ll 􀉹nd our
way.
Regular meditation practice creates new pathways in our mind,
ones that carry us home to the clarity, openness, and ease of
presence.

The primary style of Buddhist meditation that I teach is called

vipassana, meaning “to see clearly.” In vipassana, the path to
mindfulness begins with concentration—a one-pointed focusing of
attention. It’s di􀉽cult to be mindful of your experience if your mind
is lost in a continuous stream of discursive thought. So 􀉹rst we
collect and quiet the mind by directing attention to a sensory
anchor. This might mean following the breath, or scanning the body
for sensations, or listening to sounds, or silently repeating a phrase
such as, “May I be happy,” or “May I be peaceful.”

Preselecting a home base or anchor, like the breath, allows you to

notice when you’ve left presence and to 􀉹nd your way back to the
hub more easily. I call this part of practice “coming back.”

As your attention becomes more settled, you will sense that the
boundaries of the hub are softening and opening. This is the phase
of practice that I call “being here.” You continue to be in touch with
your anchor, but at the same time you can recognize and allow the
changing experiences on the rim—the sound of a dog barking, the
pain in your knee, a thought about how long you’ll continue to
meditate.

Remembering What Matters

With so many styles of meditation or contemplative practice being
taught today, students sometimes worry about choosing the “right
one.” But more than the particular form of practice or set of
teachings, what makes the di􀊃erence in terms of spiritual
awakening is your quality of earnestness or sincerity. We become
sincere when we connect with what most matters to our heart. In
the Buddhist teachings, the conscious recognition of our heart’s
deepest longing is called wise aspiration. Yours might be for
spiritual realization, for loving more fully, for knowing truth, for
􀉹nding peace. Whatever its flavor, the awareness of what you
care
about energizes and guides your practice. As Zen master Suzuki
Roshi taught, “The most important thing is remembering the most
important thing.”

You might connect

with your aspiration for loving fully or decide to embrace whatever
di􀉽cult emotions arise during your practice. You might aspire to
the truth—to really see what is happening and what is real—or you
might have the particular intention to recognize and let go of
thoughts. When you begin by asking your heart what matters, you
are already on the path to presence.

(I want to heal..feel better in my own company..feel less anxious in

most scenarios and at ease)