Hey Fellas,

Today I want to delve into the importance and benefits of a healthy lifestyle. I know, I know…
no one likes to be told “go to the gym” but today I actually want to approach it from a
psychological angle and explore the immediate psychological benefits and social impact a
healthy lifestyle yields.

The relative principal here is Cognitive Dissonance – (thank you to the kind folks at Wikipedia
for the following definition)

Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas

simultaneously. The "ideas" or "cognitions" in question may include attitudes and beliefs, and
also the awareness of one's behavior. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people
have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and
behaviors, or by justifying or rationalizing their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors.

Or to put simply: anytime your actions are not in line with your beliefs your brain is not happy.

Well, this simple semi-obvious holds a special relevance us that does not apply to most people.
See, essentially when learning this game our challenge is to re-wire our brains as much as
possible over as short a time-span as possible so as to align our thought patterns with those that
are naturally attractive. In essence, to form new beliefs and identifications that are not
necessarily justified by prior teachings, or more importantly, reference experience.

A common trait among those who excel in this game is a high degree of cognitive mastery – an
ability to actively shape their thoughts and beliefs based on what will serve them, as opposed to
what meshes with their existing understanding and experience. Or essentially an ability to
convince themselves of what they believe will be useful.

Now when it comes to success in dating, what are some essential core beliefs? What are the
catch phrases people are affirming and reaffirming to themselves?
“I’m the shit!”
“I’m the man”
“I deserve this”
“She’s for me”
“She should be with me?”
“I’m the highest value person in this room”

Ok, most likely you’re not actively repeating these to yourself… but there’s no doubt these
beliefs are inherent to a high-value mindset held by a naturally attractive guy and ALL are
representative of a single core belief – a level of self-value.

Here’s where cognitive dissonance comes in… I hate to break it to you, but if you’re sitting in
your basement from Monday to Thursday playing World of Warcraft and eating Cheetos it’s
going to be impossible to step to a hottie on Friday and feel “I deserve this”…

Fact is… it’s impossible to successfully and consistently pick up girls without first feeling good
about yourself. And guess what… cognitive dissonance means that it’s impossible to feel good
about yourself without behaving like you feel good about yourself… like you like yourself…like
you value yourself.

What does it mean to behave in a way that indicates you like yourself… that you value yourself?

Suppose you value your car… You’re probably washing it regularly, putting premium gas in it,
taking it for checkups, rotating the tires, etc.
Well, you’re no different. When you value yourself - or at the very lease you don’t hate yourself
- you’re going to make an effort to care for yourself… this means being at least minimally
conservative with what you put in your body – eating at least decently healthy, taking in fruits
and vegetables, cutting down on junk food. Beyond that comes maintaining a minimal level of
physical activity. Personal hygiene and present-ability also fall into this category.

Beyond that, what you do for YOU is determined by just how much you value YOU. Here we
move beyond simply caring for and maintaining yourself and into the realm of actively
improving oneself. Things like adhering to a schedule, going to the gym, eating healthy
breakfasts, pursuing activities that develop you physically, mentally, or spiritually. Taking
classes, travelling, enriching your life.

I’ll tell you, I honestly do not know a single person who holds themselves in high regard who
does not engage in the above activities.

Now, as you read this, sit up straight, roll your shoulders back, and SMILE. How do you feel… a
little happier?? The effect here is ‘psychosomatic’ – or a backwards rationalization from the
mind based on the body. The mind says “Hey look at that, I’m sitting up and smiling…. Usually
I do this when I’m happy, well I’m doing it now so I must be happy”.

Well, in this case, you spend your day productively – you eat a healthy breakfast, hit the gym,
learn something, accomplish something, and all the sudden you’re brain is bombarded with
evidence that you’re WORTH something. Then you go out, start that interaction and suddenly
you feel a new strength in your own identity… you carry yourself with a sense of value, with a
sense of self-worth.

On a personal level, if I roll out of bed at 2pm, throw on some dirty sweats (possibly stained
from the meatball sub I ate 3 nights before), and head out to get some grease breakfast from the
24hour diner… there is absolutely no way I can “turn on the game” and socialize effectively. It’s
got nothing to do with the way I look… it’s got everything to do with the way I feel.
And on the flipside, when I’m living in alignment – with the way I treat myself reaffirming the
way I feel about myself, the world can tell and responds accordingly.

Ultimately, the way I feel is derived from that over-arching sense of self-worth that’s either their
or not there depending on the physical evidence I spend all day every day acquiring.

Are you worth it? Are you behaving like it?

If you think you’re brain is going to let these two exist in misalignment, you’re in for a rude
awakening. So choose your answer and solidify it… both internally and externally.

Cheers,
Ryan

SMILE: Positivity Always Wins

Tags: Dating Techniques | Inner Confidence

 
How many of you guys are going through your day smiling?
Even now, as you’re reading this article.

For me, smiling isn’t just something I do immediately whenever I talk to someone, it’s really a
mental mode that I’m in 24/7. Even when you’re quiet or by yourself you should be smiling
inside – a silent smile, if you will.

Smiling is powerful. It’s hard to say no to. And it’s one of the first things that I immediately
correct in students; too often guys will be overly analytical, logical, and serious. Pickup, women,
business, and every goal in life are viewed as something that should be conquered rather than
being ENJOYED.

Our philosophy here at RSD has transformed dramatically over the past few years and it’s quite
noticeable to me as a guy who was teaching two years ago, took a short break, and is now back
with the crew. What I see as the fundamental transformation in our teaching style is that it’s now
focused on BEING rather than TRYING. Old-school tactics and “The Game” doctrine are cool
because they teach you how to assess social situations strategically, but taken to the extreme it
never really pushes for that deep identity level change that’s noticeable on every level – it still
comes from a place of insecurity, a place of need and negativity, a place without any real
confidence.

It’s funny writing about this because I was there several years ago. I vividly remember that place
when I was starting out, though it still seems miles and miles away from where I am now. Your
heart gets broken, your ego gets crushed, and you have this unshakeable desire to get back at the
world.

Common scenarios that we see here at RSD:

A) Guy gets rejected by women and has his heart broken >> B) Guy is miserable, questions his
self-worth, hates life for not being better to him, and hates women for not liking him >> C) Guy
discovers “game” and sees it as the perfect way to take revenge on women >> D) Guy struggles
at first, but eventually succeeds in getting a few dates >> E) Guy’s skills improve with time and
his inner confidence starts to catch up with his external social skills >> F) Guy starts dating the
women he always wanted and his inner game equilibrates with his “outer game” >> G) Guy
loves women with a passion, makes the most out of every day, and wants to make a positive
contribution to society and give back to the world

A) Guy’s professional life takes a blow, his business fails, or he suffers from financial distress
>> B) Guy is miserable, questions his self-worth, hates life for not being better to him, and is
jealous of anyone who is more successful than he is >> C) Guy discovers books, mentors, and
other resources that teach him how to be financially/professionally successful >> D) Guy
struggles at first, but eventually starts making some moves with his life >> E) Guy starts making
some money and starts feeling secure about his natural talents again >> F) Guy starts making
millions, reaches the top of his industry through discipline and hard work, and starts appreciating
the overall process >> G) Guy loves his profession/business and natural talents, makes the most
out of every day, and wants to make a positive contribution to society and give back to the world

In both cases, most teaching methods (including “old-school game”) are heavily focused on
phases A through D. Yes, this does get results – me and the older guys on the crew went through
it – BUT what we realize now is that the whole process can be sped up much much faster. Don’t
get me wrong – there is no substitute for discipline and hard work, and there never will be for
any endeavor you put yourself through in life, but what can be tweaked is the mental headspace
from which that effort is channeled from – and that makes a world of difference when you start
out. You need to maintain that hardcore ambition while also being completely positive about
yourself and everyone around you.
You can leap over most of the process and save yourself a lot of time by mentally assuming
phase G right from the get-go – by assuming an “abundance mentality” – as they say in the
movie Boiler Room: “ACT AS IF”. The reason this speeds up the whole process is because it
doesn’t require your psychology to wait until there are tangible exterior results in order to get
your inner confidence up to speed. When you live every day with an abundance mentality while
training yourself hard in the field, your inner and outer game will be moving in synch and you’ll
start getting results that much faster.

So, SMILE… every time you’re in set and every moment throughout the day. Yes, even NOW.
Start right this minute.

Enjoy the process – regardless of where you are at the moment. Look at your life in the bigger
picture, think long-term, and realize that it’s just one big story or movie – the tough times only
add to the plotline and make it far more interesting.

Relax and smile. Have fun with women and have fun with work. ACT AS IF.

And LOVE THE GAME.

Meet Jeremy Landman

Tags: Dating Techniques | Inner Confidence
 
Hey gang. Today, I've got a question for you.

On a scale of one to ten, what is your game?

Like, say we are out at the club. The music is bumping and you're rested and feeling good.
Suddenly, across the room, you see a BANGING hot turbogirl. She is the epitome of glory, a
veritable angel. Now, on a scale of one to ten, where do you put your ability to go up to her,
initiate a conversation, get her attracted to you, deal with the logistics, get her home and place
your weener inside of her hoo ha?

WHAT IS YOUR GAME?

Now, for a lot of guys, this is a question they've heard before. If you've seen our amazing
Transformations DVD program, Tim poses it to the audience in his bit, near the very beginning.

And, if you've seen it, you know that there is only one correct answer.

"My game is a TEN, Jeffy."

That's right. A f***ing ten.

Now, this isn't some happy-time, feel-good affirmation here. Not some delusional confidence
builder meant to be recited 30 times in the mirror before you go out.

The real meaning of "my game is a ten" goes much deeper than that.

It means that, regardless of what your experience has been in the past, at any given moment you
have the ability, somewhere inside of you, to step to that turbo-girl and PULL HER. You are
already in possession of everything that you need.

The "ten game" is already inside of you, waiting to be unleashed.

That's why, when a guy comes and takes a Bootcamp with me, I tell him, "I have nothing to
teach you in the traditional sense of that word. My role is simply to remove that which separates
you from the truth of who you are, from what you already know in the depth of your being."

The "ten game" has ALWAYS been inside you. The problem is that it's been covered up with
social conditioning and ego BULLSHIT.

What you need to understand is this:

There is no need for any personality but your own.

This is the lesson at the heart of the RSD philosophy.

If you've been with us since the beginning, you know that it wasn't always like this. In the early
years, we espoused a structure that went something like this:

1. Approach and try to entertain the girl.

2. The girl responds favorably.

3. You get good emotions and state from her validation, feed on the validation and continue.

As our experience and understanding of the game deepened, we realized this was an inherently
flawed model, and we resolved to get to the bottom of this dilemma. Nearly five years later,
we've arrived at a new model, which is as follows:

1. Self-amuse

2. Go into state not because of the girl's reaction, but rather because you amuse yourself.

3. Your state draws the girl into your reality and you then lead the interaction from there.

Now, I'll admit, coming from a place where I was getting VERY VERY good results from the
previous model, this was in many ways a bitter pill to swallow. But the mandate came down
from on high, from Tyler himself:

"It's time to drop the routines and the button-pushing and go full natural, Jeff."

I had to do it. And so I pressed ahead. It was hard. Harder than you can imagine, as I had
developed a dependence on the old mentality stronger than a fat kid's desire for pie. But I did it,
and eventually I was able to master this "reverse-engineered natural" style.

Tell you what: let me share with you a story that really cemented the natural ideas for me.

I've been kicking around an idea for a novel for quote a while now. I intend for it to be the worst
novel ever written, and the title of this atrocity shall be:

Ichor of the Wolf.

It centers on a LARPing misfit named Jeremy Landman, and his various exploits and travails.
Now, if you don't know what LARPing is, and I'm guessing there's a good chance that you don't,
it's an acronym. It stands for Live Action Role Playing, and here's a little taste of what it entails:

Yeah.

So anyways, this Landman is a fully fleshed-out character, and in many ways he's as real as you
or I. So one day not so long ago, Ryan and I were kicking around the house, bored, and we
decided to create a profile for him on the dating site "Hot or Not."
After an intense creative process, we had the profile honed to perfection. It started off with him
revealing a little about himself:

"Hello, my name is Jeremy and I live in SF. I enjoy fantasy and times of yore. I am a very active
LARPer (with quite a rep in my guild I might add!). Looking for someone to raise a chalice of
mead with. Hit yes if you like me!"

Oh man.

He then goes on to list some of his interests:

"Christ, crests, Highlander, long hair, the Matrix Trilogy, swords, wolves, paladin, fantasy,
chivalry, Creed, karate, mutton"

Yup.

To top it all off, we scoured around until we found a suitable photo of him. He's the one on the
right:

Now, initially we just wanted to see what kind of rating he would garner (he got a 6). But then
something really interesting happened:

WOMEN STARTED SENDING HIM MESSAGES. LOTS OF WOMEN.

I couldn't believe it. These weren't mingers, either. Ok, well some of them were, but there were
also some pretty decent ones. After the initial shock wore off, we decided to push for dates. If it
worked out, I'd just show up as Jer and be like, "Oh I got a haircut." So, we sent the girls who
expressed interest the following message:

"Hello. You appear to be quite a classye ladye. I would love the opportunity to purchase for you
a bottle of fine red wine. Perhaps over cheese? Could you be the beautiful angel for whome I
have been searching for all of my lonely years?"

I was like, ok, now it's over. There's no way they will think this guy is for real.

The next day, I look at the profile and he's got messages. I was almost scared to open them up. I
held my breath and did so, expecting them to be all, "Nice try loser."

That wasn't the case. They were all positive. One of them said:

"Wine and cheese, huh? Wow, aren't you the smooth talker! :) Your place or mine? I work this
weekend but Monday sounds great! Hope you aren't too lonely until then... or just enough ;)"

What. The. Heck.

I couldn't believe it. I decided to push it even more, and replied with this:

"Apologies, my ladyfaire, but I have a confession. We may not be able to enjoy the fine cheese. I
am severely lactose intolerant and my gastrointestinal tract may be torn asunder, as vellum
beneath the talons of a mighty gryphon."

Okay, THAT one did it. No response. Hehehe.

I began experimenting out in the field. My standard opener became, "You appear to be quite a
classy lady. I would love the opportunity to purchase for you a bottle of fine red wine... perhaps
over CHEESE?!"

It worked gloriously.

I started dressing like a nerd at the club, going so far as to wear a POCKET PROTECTOR.
There was no substantive difference in my results. It didn't matter at all.

I implemented a new opener which I made up one night with Ryan out at the club: "Excuse me
ladies, settle an argument: who is hotter, Captain Kirk or Captain Picard?"

Again, it was solid.

Perhaps "chode game" could be the wave of the future.

The whole experience got me thinking. I started to think about what made the Landman profile
attractive to these women, enough so that THEY would take the initiative to message him.

The thing is, Landman is attractive because he has total belief in himself. Even though he is what
many would consider a FULL NERDWEIRD, he is completely oblivious to this fact, and
furthermore considers himself quite the catch for any ladyfaire. He is completely authentic and
does not self-seek in other's opinions. He values his his OWN opinion of himself above all.

This type of thinking cuts to the very heart of "natural" game.

Now, you might be saying, "But when you're saying that stuff in the field, is that you being
authentic or parroting Landman?"

Well, I created the guy, so I sort of am him. But that aside, when I was saying that stuff, it was
coming from a place of full self-amusement. I really don't care what the response is, I'm merely
bringing fun to the interaction.

That's giving value.

Interesting post-script: a few months later, I met a couple girls in a club in Sydney who happened
to be actual LARPers. I enthusiastically informed them that I, too, was a LARPer.

"No way," said the blonde one, "you're just saying that."

Little did they know that I've done my homework. I based Landman's LARP nemesis in the book
on myself, and had worked out a character for him. I smiled.

"No... I am. My character is named Lord Sir Beastkins DeMorrowild. I am a chaotic evil wizard-
mage. Level 12. My specialty is necromancy and my favorite spell is Stream of Corruption."
She shrieked, "Oh my god! That's so cool!" She gestured over to her friend, who by now was
isolated on a couch with my Bootcamp student, making out. “My friend is a samurai, and I am a
thief.”

I look at her, and in my best Ron Burgundy voice, go, "You truly are a thief... for you have
stolen my heart."

She explodes in laughter. "That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! You are such a
dork!"

"Yes. Yes I am. Come here." BOOM.

We have a name for this now: "Go in chode, then explode." Try it out tonight.

I'll see you in the field.

Safe but Sorry

Tags: Inner Confidence

 
Getting out of your comfort zone whatever or wherever it is right now with a daring task.
You know you are cheating. You know your game will not get good. You know you won’t get
the girls you want by staying there. But still there is a strong pull to stay there and don’t do
anything. Hard core sometimes. And it doesn’t get any better when you don’t succeed in your
approaches, it actually gets worse. The pull of the comfort zone drags you back even stronger
and more steadily. Insidiously.

Nobody can win this game. Nobody. Why? There are years of programming pulling you back
and there are promises of a better life pulling you forward. But those promises are weak in the
light of rejections, how can I go forward with all this around me? Rejection feels like death.
Especially if you have been rejected before, and it hurt you bad, the pull to stay girl-less and
dick-less is ever stronger. It is not so bad after all. You go out, you don’t approach or barely
approach, you go home and jack off to porn, nobody gets hurt, better safe than sorry right.... But
deep down inside there is a feeling bothering you, telling you that you are cheating. This is not
meant to be you, the you that you dreamed of when you first got in the game and started reading
about and trying to emulate those “pickup guys” or at least tried to model.

But, hey, better safe than sorry. That piece drags you back right away. You step into a club, you
see that loud music, those girls high on booze jumping up and down and you get scared. Oh,
man, rejection is a bad thing. What if they don’t like me? What if they find out that I have no life
or I am a dork?

While your mind tries to project the future, your body stays in the hateful comfort zone. It
doesn’t move. The “ifs” paralyze you. “What if”...what if you approached. What if you
approached all night, got blown out all night, and got the last girl, in the last set. But then again,
what if I didn’t. Is it worth the risk? Is it worth the pain?

This is the all too familiar concept of “homeostasis” at work.

In other words, resistance to change, to do something differently, to risk failure.

Homeostasis keeps all systems balanced and doesn’t know whether the change is for good or
bad. It is not its concern whether you are on your way to be a chode or a pimp. Homeostasis
doesn’t know that your girl-less or dick-less and you have been for some years, even all your
life. The H thermostat is the guardian of balance in your body. Anything threatens balance it will
go off sending alarm signals all thru your body. It will tell you to stop. Telling is an
understatement, it will yell at you, scream, shout, itch, kick, plunge, etc. A rebel force will
descend upon you.

I like gym examples because they illustrate it better. I have been running for 2 months now,
using intervals on the tread mill. I use intervals of higher and lower speeds to stress and shock
my body whenever it reaches balance point. I go high intensity for a while, then I drop to lower,
and I play with levels of speed to achieve this effect. However, even though I have doing this for
2 months, I never went higher than 12 level of speed in my treadmill. 12 is pretty fast for me. I
have to switch to long strides which are of a different quality of the shorter strides. It is a stretch
mentally and physically. I decided yesterday to go 14 speed. That’s only 2 points above my max.
Shouldn’t be a problem, right? Wrong. As soon as I hit that 14 level, I started to run out of
breath. As I kept going, I kept increasing the time I spent on this dreadful 14. It went from 1 min
to 2 min, then 3 min...man, I sweated like a pig, I was puffing and panting for air. As I finish my
25 min cardio session, every part of my body was screaming for help. Please, stop, it seemed to
say. Sometimes it demanded me to stop and get out of the tread mill.

Just a 2 point increase. Unbelievable. I probably burned more calories yesterday in one session
than in the entire weak. Lesson learned. Homeostasis will rebel and fight for balance but you
must keep going and acknowledge but not ignore alarm signals.

Ignore? No. “Let pain be your guide” is the saying among bodybuilders. If it is painful take 1
step back. Regroup and reduce intensity, then “2 steps forward”. Go faster again. Keep
negotiating resistance like this and you will be golden. Goals will be reached and passed.
Negotiating resistance with your body this way will take you all the way to wherever you want to
go.

Guess where my new comfort zone is. Yes, at 14 now. 12 looks like a walk in the park now....

The Walk of Shame and the Stride of Pride

Tags: Inner Confidence

I will always remember my twenties as the years as a magical time of adventure, binge drinking
and writing articles for RSD Nation.

These experiences have been punctuated by many pillow fights, interspersed with moments and
glory and moments of shame.

There has been more than one occasion where I have woken up to feel the hot sun beat down on
my face, before rubbing my eyes and posing myself the rather philosophical question: “where the
fuck am I?”

If I managed to get myself into a situation where I didn’t know where I was upon waking up,
then it usually followed that I was in a headspace where the grammar of my recovery
monologues was compromised.

I once awoke to find ants in my hair because I used honey for styling gel. I was in a garden;
luckily there was a girl next to me, so I knew that it wasn’t a completely wasted night.

Unsure as to whether or not the interaction was ‘high-five’ worthy, I strained to remember the
night before, specifically wondering if there were any events that super ceded the attention I paid
towards my own entertainment.

On the walk back from Brisbane’s botanical gardens I stopped to get an iced coffee, whilst my
female pillow fighting friend dropped into the chemist to get a ‘morning after pill’. Either she
remembered what happened when I didn’t, or she was just unsure and was being cautious.

Either way, great success!

As I strolled through the city that sultry Wednesday morning, I thought to myself... this is the
walk of shame. Fat businessmen stared and spat at me. Others gazed longingly at the disheveled
women at my side as she ingested her contraceptive. Children on the way to school, dressed
neatly with their little ties, were frightened by me.

I was the ‘bad man.’

That long and hot walk back to my home was the definition of the walk of shame. Iced coffee
wasn’t the most well thought out plan either. It was so damn hot, so yeah, milk was a bad choice.

Now, I’m no stranger to the walk of shame. In fact, there are several rivers named after me in
Australia that honor the walks I took when I couldn’t afford a ride home.

However, one thing I’m much less of a stranger to is the stride of pride. When it comes to times
of glory, I just cruise through Airport customs. The customs squid and I are on a first name basis
these days.

I used to live with three guys, and we would have up to twenty five people sleeping (read as:
unconscious) on the floor of our house. Some mornings I would wake and, as usual, wonder
‘where the fuck am I?” I would then breathe a sigh of relief as I saw my good old fashioned glow
in the dark stars that I had stuck to my roof.

Unaware as to why I had no feeling in my right arm, I glanced to my adjacent area only to notice
the gorgeous girl that was chilling sleep styles next to me. Delighted by this discovery and
assured that there would be teams of guys passed out downstairs, I suggested that the girl roll off
my arm and come to the letter box with me to collect my mail.

Striding like Jesus walking on water, girl in tow, others stirred and came to consciousness,
themselves asking the quintessential question, “where the fuck am I?” Then they noticed me in
the midst of my stride of pride, girl in toe. She asked, “why are we going to get the mail?”

It was Sunday; there was no mail.

Clever!

Many months later and the stride of pride would be upgraded to waking up in world class hotel
rooms. Escorting babes past teams of students always stopped doubts of the integrity of the RSD
instructor abilities.

These are the glory times that punctuate what have so far been my twenties.

Alex~

Dicking Around with Plants

Tags: Inner Confidence | Self Actualization

 
I've been working with Real Social Dynamics since 2002. That's right, for SIX WHOLE
YEARS, I've been running live, in-field Bootcamps in cities all over the world. The program has
continually evolved since that time, eventually becoming the life-changing juggernaut that it is
today, but a few things have remained the same.

For example, at the very beginning of the program, we do a little "meet and greet." I ask the guys
where they're from, what they do for a living, and what their hobbies are.

You can tell a lot about a guy by the things that he chooses to do in his spare time. Generally,
I've found that the guys who do the best on Bootcamp are the ones whose hobbies involve some
form of physical activity. I'm not exactly sure why, it's just a conclusion that I've reached over
the years through analysis of the empirical data at hand.

On the other hand, when I ask him what his hobbies are and the dude looks at me with a blank
stare and says, "Nothing," then I know I'm probably gonna be in for a tough weekend.

Of course, it's never entirely wise to indulge in generalizations. Sometimes, the biggest pimps
will have some pretty esoteric interests that don't necessarily lend themselves directly to pickup.

For example, I am pretty hardcore into gardening, of all things.

Yeah, gardening. I'm a freakin’ plant nerd. Wayyyy back in the day, I worked at a nursery for a
period of several years. I initially took the job to get discounts on supplies, as at the time I was an
avid cultivator of Manchurian Fern Tomatoes. During my tenure at the nursery however, I
soaked up horticultural knowledge like a sponge. Everything from diseases, to landscape
architecture, to soil amendment, you name it. I grew roses and entered them in shows. I installed
lawns. I cloned specimens from cuttings. I advised homeowners on native plant installations,
etcetera etcetera etcetera.

In any case, those days are long gone now, but I still have a little place in my heart for the
botany. If you ever meet me in person, look closely at my thumb and you can still see the green.
In fact, this summer, while back in town on hiatus from the Jeffy Freedom Tour, I decided to
take back my yard from the wild. I'd neglected it for a couple years, and it was overrun with
weeds and random debris.
So I went to the garden center, got some stuff, rolled up my sleeves and went for it. A couple
months later, the space is totally transformed. It is similar to heaven.

So I was putting around out there today, doing a little pruning, a little weeding, and I got to
thinking about the parallels between pickup and gardening.

Yeah, on the surface it sounds a little ridiculous, but understand you're talking to a guy who eats,
breathes and sleeps pickup 24/7 so it shouldn't really be that surprising. So. What are the lessons
we can learn here?

First off, gardening is great because it connects you with that primal masculine core.

"What?" you might be asking, "how does dicking around with flowers do that?"

Let me assure you, when I was digging that tree stump out of the yard with a pick-axe and a
hatchet, I was a goddamn Neanderthal. Hacking and sweating for an hour and a half, covered in
dirt, I finally ripped the damn thing up out the ground with my bare hands, threw it across the
yard, thrust my arms over my head and bellowed a primal scream that I'm sure had my neighbors
thinking I was deranged.
Thing is, THAT is the same way that I feel when I'm lording it up in the field. It's the exact same
impulse... that impulse to dominate, to crush the opposition and come out on top, to
OVERCOME. To let loose all Hell like good ole Maximus in "Gladiator." When you are in the
club,THAT is the juice you want to tap into. Tim calls it THE FURY.

You step up to that tree stump, i.e. that mixed group with the turbo in it, whatever, and you get
your hands dirty. When you connect with that masculine core, questions like, "What do I say?"
become laughable, a joke. It does not matter, because you KNOW that you're going to step to her
and OWN, and you are going to PULL. You get in the ring and you BANG until the fight is
over. Come hell or high water, you are going to get a RESULT.

Moving on.

One thing about maintaining the garden: I have to be out there every couple of days to assess the
whole scenario. I go out there, snip some dead stuff off, give it some water, and ruthlessly yank
out any weeds that have started to sprout up. As I'm slowly combing through the beds, pulling
the weeds out one by one, I become completely immersed in the activity. There's a real
meditative aspect to it. I'm focused on the task at hand as opposed to the eventual outcome.
There is an overarching plan for how I want the thing to turn out, but that's merely providing the
framework.

When I was out there earlier today, I realized how true this is for your game as well. If you want
to cultivate a really slick game, you need to be out there a lot. That means going out with
regularity and talking to girls, plain and simple. You cannot hope to get there by merely playing
around with it when the fancy happens to strike. If I neglect it for a few weeks, I go out to the
yard and all of a sudden, the weeds have choked out my digitalis. If I hide in my home and play
World of Warcraft without human contact for a few months, then hit up the club, my game is
going to be filled with all kinds of weeds as well. I'm gonna be rollin some kind of weird
Howard Hughes type game. "You will hand me the milk with your left hand, only touching the
bag." No, it must be a consistent and concerted effort.

With consistency, you are going to succeed, provided you are intelligent about your growth and
are willing to put yourself under the microscope, weeding out disempowering behaviors and
planting the seeds of new, empowering ones. This is a constant battle, one that never ends (until
you're six feet under, that is).

If you haven't read the book "Mastery" by George Leonard yet, you need to do so
IMMEDIATELY. It's a concise book that packs a lot of value. In it, Leonard outlines the path to
true mastery of a skill, as opposed to mere "dabbling" or "hacking."

Reading it, the biggest principle that stuck out to me was the idea that masters practice solely for
the sake of practicing. They take massive enjoyment in the actual *development* of the skill.
The results, the accolades, the wins, these are all mere side-effects. They are a bonus, icing on
the cake.
My friend Owl once told me about a jiu-jitsu instructor he had in Hawaii. This guy was crazy,
he'd fight people on the street while he had two broken hands, etc. One day at practice, this guy
is grinding my friend's face into the floor and nearly breaking his arm off, and suddenly he
screams, "YOU LIKE THIS!! THIS IS WHY YOU COME HERE! YOU LIKE THIS!"

At that moment, at strange and disturbing as it may have sounded, my friend realized the guy
was right. You see, Owl's not a guy who "sweats the process" as they say. He truly loves the
process of learning itself: going in to the gym day after day, punching and kicking his way
through the drills, sweating like hell. Consequently he has developed into a very skilled fighter.

So. From choding about with plants, we can observe some fundamental yet powerful lessons
about our game:

1. Connect with the FURY and don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. Bring the full force of
your masculine core energy to bear on your interactions.

2. Your practice needs to be consistent. Examine yourself, and pluck those weeds out of your
game on a daily basis, preferably while they are SMALL little sproutlets. Cause once they get
big, it's a huge pain in the ass to pull them out.

3. Learn to enjoy the process itself, viewing it as an almost meditative exercise. Lose yourself in
it. Eckhart Tolle, the author of "A New Earth" and "The Power of Now," outlines this process in
three steps: Acceptance, Enjoyment, and Enthusiasm. Let yourself experience all three
modalities while in the club, and watch the magic happen.
With that, allow me to clean up my tools, sweep up the dirt, roll up my giant hose, and bid you
farewell... until next time.

Smart People
Tags: Dating Techniques | Inner Confidence

 
The other day I was doing one of my classic drills on BC where zero self talk is required and I
happened to be doing it with yet another brilliant guy. For some reason he was incapable of
doing it. We went back and forth but he couldn’t... I kept at it, encouraging, pushing, trying to
relax him and he started doing it right towards the end. He seemed to shut the self talk off for a
while.

Self talk
You will find yourself at your peak when you are able to shut the mental chatter off. Smart
people have trouble with that. They are in the habit of intellectualizing everything. They seem to
weigh the pros and cons of every decision before they do something. This, no doubt, is a killer of
game. It will make you hesitant.

The best players have a quality of zero self talk that makes them extremely effective in the field.
In the field, little or no self talk is required. Self talk is actually bad for you. You will notice you
climb huge positive peaks when your self talk is at the lowest.

It is literally impossible to feel good and be happy and have any kind of self talk. Self talk tends
to be reduced as we focus and get in a flow. Actually the word “flow” is very much related to not
having any mental cobwebs. Just “flowing” like a river would.

Analysis and stalling, another name for AA?

It is when you can’t make any forward progress because you bog yourself down in useless
details, pondering, weighing the odds...as opposed to getting on with it. Sound familiar?

While it is perfectly natural to want to spend time pondering about a plan, especially one with
elements of risk involved, there comes a point where any more thinking goes against its
accomplishment and you need to start making some real progress.

Planning is good. Failure to plan is planning to fail. But too much can be as destructive as not
enough.
It is pretty common in this community to have a guy reading material for a year and a half or
sometimes 3 or 4 years without doing a single approach. The guy knows everything there is to
know about pick up but fails to execute in the field. In his mind he has to be ready first. By ready
he means, I got to have all the angles covered, all the openers, all the possible situations as he
devours pages and pages of pick up related stuff. He plays the game in his mind over and over.

Then he comes to BC and it is a shocker that he doesn’t need 90 percent of all that knowledge to
approach a girl. The game is simple.

Procrastination
I remember in executive training in my old job, there was this pamphlet being passed around
about Collin Powell, the guy in charge of the US Military campaign in the Middle East,’s
management style in which he claimed he would make decisions with as little as 40 percent of
the information. Most managers in my old company frowned at that. Needless to say my old
company was known for long 4 hour meetings that would yield no clear decisions. They couldn’t
understand that more information doesn’t necessarily equal better decisions.

Some good pointers to break procrastination are the following:

1. Agree on a point in time to get something done...and get it done or die trying. Don’t allow
yourself to float into the nothingness of no dates.

2. Get reckless. Yes, act like a lunatic for a while. Go kamikaze for a while. If you are the typical
procrastinator, this will show you the power of actions over ideas.

3. Make up your damn mind! Yes, shit or get out of the pot. Start small: what cloth to wear
tonight for the club?

4. Gain momentum....does 3 or 4 approaches on your way to the club. Don’t wait for the
situation to be perfect.

Excuses

I like this list of excuses I found on a web page. These are real excuses parents gave for their
children not to go to school. Some have gross spelling mistakes in them. Enjoy.

“Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her
shot”.

“Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,
30, 31, 32, and also 33.”

“Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.”

“Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he

fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip”

“John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face”

“Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.

He was hurt in the growing part”

Smart people, because they are brilliant, can produce extremely compelling arguments NOT to
do something. They are hand downs the best excusers in the world-from “I am not good looking
enough” to “she is not hot enough for me”... If you let them, they can argue their way into sitting
by the bar and getting drunk without approaching a single girl in the whole night. They love to
give arguments, pros and cons of such and such method of pickup, etc.

Bad for pickup.

That’s why most of the best guys that I know are either dumb or have a knack of minimizing self
talk or reducing it to zero as soon as they get into a club. That’s the quality that I am after when I
teach bcs. All my drills, tactics and strategies to teach aim at eliminating self talk.

You could say “what about positive self talk?” Very clever. Smart point I tell you. You will
notice when you are in the “flow”, that self talk is all gone. You seem to be in the present
moment, not in the past, not in the future. And yes, you will be positive without trying.

Don’t hate on others and how to deal with those that do

Tags: Inner Confidence

 
Dude, so many people hate other people. First, there was Adam and Eve, and more recently, Bert
and Ernie. In the case of the latter, I understand there would be friction because of the sexual
fireworks caused by their living arrangement. But really, it’s not that big of a deal. Just build a
pillow barrier like me and Jeffy did and you’re all good.

All these ‘community’ folk are out to build some kind of new sense of self. They need to take a
chill pill (which isn’t an amphetamine, it’s a metaphor for chilling the fuck out) and realize the
new self is found under their clothes.

When these community folk are bouncing around their shit, all trying to find themselves in some
ego on the threads, it’s like red team and blue team in paintball. The red teams all like, this is
how I’m going to do things from now on. Because they’re all pissed, they’re wearing red, get
aggressive and can’t accept that another reality of wearing blue can co-exist as being a cool way
to chill out in the world. So what do they do?! Shoot red fucking paintballs at them, and try to
shove their shit down their throats and make them red too so they have a reality that makes
sense? Scum. But, they don’t know any better.
Meanwhile! The Blue team is cracking the shits because they didn’t start with red. At first they
were chill in blue, just kicking back and playing poker, then they realized that red team was
wearing red, which they wanted to be. This made them angry. So, because they can’t be red like
red team, which red team wants to turn them into anyway, they get pissed and try and sabotage
red team by turning them blue. They both want the same thing, but they just don’t like their
realities being questioned. So what does blue team do to fuck with red team? That’s right. They
throw fucking paint bombs everywhere and shout Geronimo all over the place. They are
embarrassed at what they’re doing, not even sure why they are doing it. By they keep going
because they are confused.

Statistical analysis reveals that both teams wanted the same thing, to be the red team. Red team
didn’t realize they were cool just being red. No worries; have a fucking cookie. But then they see
the blue-crew and get all pissed because they aren’t sure if they are correct anymore. Blue crew
thinks they are missing out on something because of the common misconception that red cars go
faster. So, they just destroy the brake cables of their red cars so they will fall into a lake, which is
blue. Effectively sabotaging something they though they wanted and didn’t have.
Stupefied by external sources, I see this sort of shit all the time with different schools of thought
all over the place. Only in the case of the Westin Hotel can action be taken. Otherwise in less
dire circumstances, red team and blue team need to realize how to settle their differences instead
of attacking with high velocity red paintballs and Geronimo Blue Paint bombs.

Red team and blue team need to chill the fuck out, listen to some reggae and get naked.

Shit happens when you party naked. All the players from both red team and blue team get their
gear off, and will have the startling realization that all players from both teams have dicks!

Then both teams will realize they are wasting their time, because they find that there is no point
fucking each other.

Shit happens when you party naked.

So, they chase girls.

Peacefully yours,
Alexander~

Introduction to Main Community Concepts Via IM

Tags: Inner Confidence | Self Actualization

 
 Hey Fellas,

Today I want to share a conversation I had with my friend Josh, who I’ve known for a few years
now. Josh has always been a stand-up guy, very intelligent, and generally just one of the chillest
people you’ll ever meet. Because of everything he’s got going for him, Josh has had some really
great girlfriends over the years – despite his self-doubt when it comes to seeing what a stud he
really is ;-)

Denny Haze – The Average Homeboy – Much like Josh

Josh has known what I do for a long time but never showed much interest in it – being either in a
relationship himself or more commonly simply rejecting the ideas as being ‘massive
generalizations’ or ‘only applicable to a specific type of girl’.

Well, much to my surprise I got a call from Josh today asking if I ever talk to girls that aren’t
immediately physically attracted to me… HAH. It didn’t take more than a moment of pondering
to realize where this newfound interest in RSD was coming from before it became clear that he
had recently broken up with his girlfriend and wanted to break his own pattern of meeting a girl,
talking for several months and possibly eventually dating.

Our conversation started not surprisingly where most community introduction discussions begin
– on the looks debate. After talking about this for just a moment before his cell phone cut out, the
conversation switched to online chat where we discuss the main cornerstones upon which our
understanding of pick-up is built.

Josh: What up mate? Sorry bout earlier, I hate (place with no cell signal) almost as much as cell
phones

Me: eh no worries

Josh: I’m gonna crash out hard but you gotta tell me more about cracking the girls that are
simply NOT interested in your looks very intriguing

Me: dude, looks = irrelevant

Josh: well looks = irrelevant, but you did say you’ve run into a lass or two who just wouldn’t
pay you any mind

Me: I've run into hundreds probably thousands

Josh: haha

Me: But that’s not cuz of looks, it can be she's loyal to her bf, can be she's just in a shit mood,
can be she really likes the song that's playing

Josh: well I’m talking if you know its looks if a girl is like

Me: ah ok
Josh: 'I just don’t find you attractive', would you continue down that road

Me: The best way to think about it is... Oh hell yeah that's a green light

Josh: hahaha

Me: Looks are like height in a basketball player will being tall give you an advantage in
basketball - sure

Josh: Good looks are a nice to have but not entirely necessary?

Me: But can you be short and still play in the NBA – of course, yep

Josh: Fuck it man I have too many questions, I’m taking a goddamn bootcamp

Me: Consider rockstars, how many of them are "good looking"

Josh: No no, can’t consider rockstars, different game altogether, celeb game

Me: Well that's my point

Josh: Oh I mean looks can be made up for by certain things money

Me: Rockstars are "hot" - looks regardless

Josh: Celeb status, I’m saying if you don’t have those, how do you turn a girl, how do you be
fucking charming

Me: Right - so girls get a certain emotion from being with rockstars that makes them attracted

Josh: Without looking desperate

Me: So really girls aren’t after the looks, they're after the emotion that they get from good
looking guys

Josh: To someone who's clearly not into you, ehh I dunno, some girls are into the looks too, they
need to be turned on when they look at you

Me: Girls are more emotional than we are, like for us it's clear cut looks

Josh: Well yah of course, I’m talking about the mankillers, the ones who are hot

Me: For them it's more of an emotional experience

Josh: They know it and are seeking out other hotties

Me: Would you be turned on by some fat ugly chick rocker?

Josh: For no strings attached sex, not at all, good analogy

Me: Prolly not - but for girl's that's irrelevant

Josh: Yeh, they find Brett Michaels hot

Me: Exactly, I'm SURE Jerry Garcia pulled infinite buns, it’s about the emotion
Josh: Yup but they have two things, both the celeb status and a talent for a regular Joe

Me: Bottom line - looks are a form of value

Josh: What advice do you give your students

Me: Girls aren’t after looks - they're after value

Josh: If they’re lacking in the looks value create value elsewhere?

Me: Rockstar status is another form of value

Josh: Be funny? Be mean?

Me: Social value, money is another form of value, my program centers around social value

Josh: Ugh I’m passing out, but I’ve decided I need to take your program

Me: Ok wrapping up

Josh: I have too many damn hang ups still

Me: Basically girl meets guy. She can't flat out ask him “are you rich...do you have value?", so
she's instead going to subtly ping off him to get indicators to gauge his value

Josh: His monetary value that is?

Me: Nah any form of value

Josh: The suit, the rolex, the car he rolled up in?

Me: It's not really socially acceptable to question value

Josh: but how do you represent social value

Me: Ok, so the girl is pinging off you to determine your value, things she's pinging for would be
unreactivity, frame control, reference experience, vocal tonality, etc.

Josh: You'll have to explain 3 of 4 of those to me some other time

Me: Trying for rapport vs breaking rapport, yep

Josh: I think I’m just bad at reading girls and responding to their pinging, I usually just don’t
give a shit and act exactly like I always do

Me: Well that's actually representative of value

Josh: and if they like me, awesome

Me: She's testing your reactivity

Josh: if not, fuck em

Me: how much you change your natural behavior in response to her. See most guys get fully
reactive

Josh: right, I hate the guys that are like “OMG ME TOO” to everything a girl says

Me: Right EXACTLY, that’s one of the reasons you're so money, see you're value is really
dialed

Josh: But it seems like that’s what you have to go through to turn the chicks who aren’t into you
physically necessarily

Me: No no, it becomes about pro-actively showing that value, that’s where most guys miss, see
either they pro-actively show they're a chode

Josh: as in steering the conversation yourself

Me: or they passively show they're money

Josh: Taking them out of their comfort zone, like they’re trying to do to you, bring them into
your world

Me: so with you... if a girl gets the time to interact with you... she'll dig you

Josh: and make them stay

Me: Like Karen or any other girl that's exposed to you over time

Josh: Erin's just a dumb blonde, who's not even that hot, my game gets halted on girls that I
think are 8-10s

Me: Right but fact is at first glance did she think you were hot?

Josh: well she says she did

Me: well that's because that’s when you become reactive

Josh: She says she always thought I was, but I don’t know if I buy it

Me: see you've got your value clearly dialed. So you meet a 7 - you stay yourself, you are
money. All the sudden you meet a 9, you feel like she has more situational value than you

Josh: Well see with the 8-10s I actually get less reactive, I try even less, act like I can’t be
bothered just because I’m like I prob won't close anyway, I’m not gonna give her the satisfaction

Me: That is being reactive

Josh: of agreeing with whatever drivel comes out of her mouth

Me: You're behaving in a way that you wouldn’t if she weren’t so hot

Josh: But if she weren’t so hot I wouldn’t be talking to her in the first place so isn’t it a circle
sometimes

Me: No, that’s the importance of being social all the time

Josh: ah

Me: That’s why in a club I'll be social with everyone

Josh: I think that's the missing piece for me

Me: Not just a hottie but everyone

Josh: I just ignore people I don’t find hot for the most part unless they're already my close friend

Me: So I'm still me doing my thing regardless of my surroundings

Josh: and that's making me rusty in social settings

Me: Dude you're so $, you're just so passive about it

Josh: I need to be slightly less so I think, to get dialed in, just slightly

Me: Well it’s not that

Josh: That’s why I feel a boot camp would actually help me

Me: It’s being willing to do the dance at least for the first few mins

Josh: That’s one thing I do have trouble with, just conversing with strangers at clubs. I just can’t
be arsed, but it might be social stigma, I don’t know anymore
Me: meh, you gotta do what makes you happy, enjoy the process as well as the results

Josh: It’s true, I’m all about the results. Instant gratification. and if I don’t get it, I’m not gonna
give anything back either, I gotta add value to the community to extract it later

Me: Exactly

Josh: That makes sense, just like in the biz world

Me: Yeah exactly

Josh: Interesting my friend. Interesting

Me: word. on that note

Josh: Alright I really have to sleep

Me: yep, later mate

I think this short conversation really gets down to a lot of the most basic ideas in this community
that really make everything else that we do possible.

Cheers,
Ryan

Why we don’t want to impress

Tags: Inner Confidence

 
Most guys you get on BC come under the impression that the instructor is going to teach them
the ropes to impress women. Wrong.

One of the things that needs to go away is the drive to impress people- and subbed it with being
comfortable being yourself.

I was the other day talking to a girl in my regular salsa club. I go there on Wednesdays and dance
all night. I meet plenty of girls and dance with them. Sometimes I strike conversations if I am not
practicing and it is usually and undoubtedly when I do my best. I am in a dancing mood, in a
good mood and girls finish dancing and strike a conversation with me and start asking where I
am from etc...

Funny thing is that for me those are not pick up nights. Those are my dancing nights. However I
seem to do better when I am not thinking pick up. Women can’t get enough. They hover around,
wait around for me to dance with them, then talk to them. Needless to say, after a year of regular
salsa dancing I am in the top 10 percent of the salsa dancers in any salsa club. But that’s not the
point. I seem to be in my element there and so the girls chill around me. I am being my chill self.

“I must go and pick her up now” mindset.

This type of mindset generates all kinds of problems. The first and by far the most dangerous of
all is that guys think they have to approach and impress. I usually get this mindset from guys
who have been in the game for a while even gotten laid regularly, etc...They stick to what works
and I can understand that. Let’s say they got plenty of kiss closes with a line they will use it to
death. They refuse to go for it without the line. They are hooked to that line. They don’t think
they can get a make out any other way.

It surprises them when they get 2 or 3 make outs with just “going for it”. Funny thing is that
when they do that they never go back to the lines. They don’t feel they need a line anymore.

This applies to openers and conversation starters. Most guys cannot believe they can open with
their honest opinion on fried chicken. When they see they can do it, they pretty much drop
everything else.
Brilliance of statements. Learn how being bold can change the way you interact with women

Be assertive.

Our society is build around the idea of compliance, read “follow”, don’t lead. Because instead of
order, we would have chaos.

But not following your inner impulses can be death in a club when you face girls.

Instead of asking, take; instead of questioning, affirm. Let’s say I want to ask “where are you
from?”, instead I use “let me guess, you are....” that’s just a tiny example. For the most part I
don’t want to ask a whole lot of questions, especially at the beginning of an interaction. Use lots
of “I want...” “I think...” “I believe” sentences. I force my students to start conversations with
statements. I try to make them more assertive from the get go.

Being assertive communicates you are comfortable being yourself around people. It is also a way
of reaffirming yourself.

Lose a few, win a few.

Bold statements drill is an exercise designed to fulfil the purpose of being yourself and saying
whatever you feel like saying around girls. I ask guys to tell me what they really would like to
say to a girl about a particular subject. I ask them to turn the sensors off and tell me how they
feel about for example “women shoes”.
I, of course, tell guys bad language and insults are out of limits just to be safe. I want them to be
honest. I one time had this guy telling me “women shoes are very confusing to me”. We
approached girls that night by saying “women shoes are confusing to me”. He opened groups
successfully all night with that.

It was just an exercise for my students to get bolder and honest around women. I also instruct
them to stop talking after they say their bold statements and wait for women to fill in the gaps.
Most guys struggle to fill in the gaps of a conversation with girls. In my case, I want to say my
bold statement, something I really feel like saying and let them talk.

It is very counter intuitive because most guys find it hard to stop talking after they say something
bold. They feel they must “explain themselves”, more like “apologise themselves” for having a
spine. I force them to shut up and listen to the girls. It works. This single exercise here is
responsible for most epiphanies on day 1 on my live program. Guys cannot believe what just
happened. They expressed themselves honestly around a girl and the girl loved it.

Reality check: women hate the “interview”. Instead make a lot of statements. A good way to go
about it is to say something bold and let them fill in the gaps. Never ask girls questions before
they do. Avoid the interview style.