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Prologue
The story below is based on true story, that takes setting on a workplace called PT. XYZ and
the characters name had been changed without reducing the authenticity of the story. The main
characters named Adam and Eve. Adam is an engineer in project A while Eve is a quality assurance in
project B. There are also Nadine, Eve’s best friend, who also work as Engineer together with Adam
and Bram, Eve’s workmate in project B, had a nodding acquaintance about Adam. Adam and Eve had
been dating for 1 month and hide it from other people in the office even though their office has no
The Make-Up
Bram : “Hey, Eve ! Looks like Adam often going down here and helps you a lot with your tasks. I envy you.
So, what’s up with you and Adam, huh ?”
Eve : “Hump, really ? Nothing happens for sure. Well, it’s just like I help you when I don’t have any tasks, I
guess”
………………….
Nadine : “I’m curious about you, Adam. A couple weeks ago you were such a workaholic but look at you
now, too often I find your table empty. When I look for you because our boss asked me so, I find you
chatting with Eve. Hmm…”
Adam: “What ? Sorry Nadine for making you curious, but I’m just get bored of work and then I find a friend
to talk like Eve”
Nadine : “OK, but don’t do that too often if boss find it, you’ll be in trouble dude. One more thing, don’t
messed-up with Eve, she’s my friend”
The Break-Up
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(3 months later)
Bram : “Eve, do you have any problem cause I noticed that you often look plunged in thought dear”
Eve : “Oh, hey Bram, am I ? No, I’m OK. Thanks for worrying me”
Bram : “Great for you. So, have you completed the task ? Email me so I can work-on my part”
Bram : “Did you read the email that boss sent to you 3 days ago ? I guess I reminded you about those tasks
yesterday”
Bram : “What ? How come Eve ? The deadline is this evening ! Well, you gotta explain this to our boss,
sorry Eve I don’t want to get into any problem. Honestly, for the last 2 weeks you look like another person. I
think you should concentrate more on your work or it’ll affect your career”
………………….
Nadine: “sure, I’ll wait outside, mo need to rush cause we also waiting for Joseph and Eve”
Adam: “Ouch, well Nadine, I think you better go ahead. There is a lot of things need to be done to meet the
deadline”
Nadine: “Hey, why you change your mind ? Are you sure it’s because the work or you still avoiding Eve ? ”
Adam: “No, of course not. Why would you think, I’m avoiding her ? I’ll catch you up if it’s done, OK”
Nadine: “Fine ! But dude you’ve rarely seen joining us like you used to do”
The situation lasted for almost next 6 months after Adam and Eve broke up.
People who live in 21st century have spend one-third of their life in the area called “the office”.
Back to 1980’s people traditionally meet each other at school, family events, religious service,
neighborhood or even at leisure time. There were where men and women built relationship, date and
turned to marriage. Nowadays, when most people spending 40 hours per week working, workplace
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become a natural place where single person can meet other individuals that share similar backgrounds
and interests. As a result, many end-up dating people they work with, which certainly comes as no
surprise.
This paper would show us about what is in employer and employee’s head when they had been
asked to figure out about dating in workplace issue, what are the consequences – the good and the bad.
Moreover, the paper will also present the correlation between the dating issue and workplace ethic,
should employer regulate the issue or just let it be as a universal phenomenon in workplace world. To
be noted, dating here means a close relationship between two single people – not married, that happen
in the office or workplace, with subordinate or even with superior. So, it does not include office affair
or scandal.
Company Policy
Some companies have policies that discourage employees from dating one another while other
companies do not have a problem with employees dating in the workplace. I have done a simple
questionnaire within 20 of my friends who work in different office in Indonesia from national to
multinational company (Exhibit 1), most of them stated that their companies do not have any written
policies related to romance issues in workplace. Even if their companies regulate employee
relationship, they only manage the marriage relationship and not covered the dating.
Commonly in Indonesia, companies that make written rules governing the dating and marriage
relationship strictly between their employees is largely limited to government companies. For example,
PT Pertamina, Tbk explicitly will fire its employee who married with another employee in the same
office plus the employee also must pay some penalty money up to US$ 30,000 (year 2010). Although,
dating not explicitly covered on its employee contract but one of respondent who have been working in
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Pertamina stated that scary consequences above resulted in “no-workplace dating” culture in her
office. Noted that most of Indonesian still keep the tradition that dating will end up with a marriage.
For those companies that do not have any written rules related with dating within employees, it does
not mean they permit any romance relationship occur off-handed. Some verbal warning or advice from
employer may take in place to prevent negative implication that can affect any office processes.
Basically all businesses, whether have dating policies or not, only interested in productivity and
commitment to of their employees to deliver expected outcomes. A company has no said in how is the
employee arranging their personal life. But when people start to become attracted to each other, the
workplace can become a place where productivity may become affected by personal drama.
Developing a policy on dating for employees can become a very touchy subject as some employees
feel their company cannot dictate how their employees conduct their lives outside the workplace. But
when the potential exists for personal lives to interfere with productivity, then the company may be
justified in stepping in and creating a policy against people dating their co-worker.
The point is, regardless of the situation and what reason behind company policy related with
dating issue, personal relationships in the workplace should not be taken lightly, as sometimes that
relationship can lead to a long list of complications, not to mention that they can also cause a valuable
Romance at the office is always a part of a story in workplace world. In such a hectic work
environment, many single man or woman don’t have the time to socialize, to meet new people and to
get suitable partners. So, it seems logical if they meet someone special at the office.
All of the respondents in my brief observation through questionnaire consider about the dating
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issue in their office but many of them – 60 percent, do not want to have close relationship with their
work mate, either because the company policy do not allow them or because they do not agree with the
idea. Some that agree with the issue and even two of them had experienced that kind of dating stated
the good and the bad side having such romance at the workplace.
The Heaven
One song performed by Bryan Adams mentions “..I’m finding it hard to believe we’re in
heaven, and love is all that I need, and I found it there in your heart..”, that is how two people who
falling in love associated their situation just like in heaven. It also applies to two co-worker who falling
in love each other even more if they work in the same department, seeing almost 8 hours a day-7 days
a week which saving more time, effort and cash rather than conventional dating scene. One of the
respondents said :
“The early stage of dating is so wonderful. You are excited every time you see the person,
you are happier than you may otherwise be, and because of this ‘good-feeling’ you are
generally become an approachable person”
By dating someone at work, you can both lift the spirit of the office by being in this kind of good mood
and giving off positive vibes. When you can create a jovial environment it will often rub off on those
around him or her, and the happy feelings will spread throughout the office making the whole
workplace more enjoyable for the employee itself and also the colleagues, which will in turn result in a
more productive workforce – if the couple in the same department or project then count it as double.
Look back at the conversation above, when Eve faced some trouble in work, Adam give her a
hand to help (which noted by what Bram envy from Eve). It is natural. When you have a problem at
work it may seem like everything is against you and no one is willing to help. Colleagues are often
busy with their own thing and unwilling to assist, after all – it is not their problem, it is yours ! It can
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be difficult to ask for help, also when you really need just a few hours of someone’s time to meet that
“If you are dating other from the same office with you, then blessed you ! That kind of
partner will be willing to go that extra mile for you than anyone else would. They will be
willing to stay late with you, even before you asked them to do so and to spare you the
time that no one else would like to give you. It simply due to the fact they love you”
The Hell
The gossip mill is always working, even in the office. From what was only a small chitchat in
pantry, can spread into a rumor all over the company. Everyone gossips, it is inevitable and
unavoidable. When one employee starts a relationship with someone in the office, the author is pretty
sure that other people will gossip about it. When the relationship facing hardship or furthermost must
ended dating each other, the condition that used to be in heaven, just in the blink of an eye can turned
into hell. An acrimonious break-ups can lead to disastrous workplace. People will exactly gossip about
that and worse yet is, that breaking up can lead to an awkward situation, because the pair now still
Back to the story, after 3 months of dating, Eve and Adam broke-up. Some inconvenient occur,
Adam seemed to avoid Eve by rejecting every lunch invitation when Eve involved. It had been worst
for Eve because seemed she could not concentrate to her work and become negligent in completing her
task. Having to see each other at work every day can be very difficult and creates an unhappy working
environment that your colleagues will be in the middle of. The situation can affect even the best-run
offices. It will come to the stage where the employee could be disciplined for the lack of
professionalism.
Hierarchical Relationship
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Based on the 2009 National Business Ethics Survey® (ERC, 2009), 48 percent of respondent
agree upon the idea of dating with co-worker but only 15 percent who said agree on dating the boss.
When I checked on my quick survey, it also gives me the same result. All of the respondent – 8
respondents, who have agree on having relationship with their co-worker, 25 percent chose to make up
with the one which in the same level , only 5 percent of them willing to have a date with their
Relationships between managers and their direct reports are particularly risky. A personal
relationship between superior and someone who reports to them, vise versa, can be seen as a conflict of
interest, due to the fact that the superior is in a position to influence or exert authority over the other
person. This special relationship will lead to jealousy from other colleagues and of course they would
assume that the subordinate getting preferential treatment from the superior. It deals more in favoritism
- the individual may climb the ladder a little faster or be put on the special assignments, or even be put
on an assignment they do not qualify for. But there is also another story with different version related
to this superior-subordinate relationship, let say an employee, happen to be an excellent worker dating
his or her superior and apparently this employee get higher bonuses then other peers may attribute it to
their dating relationship and missing out the excellent effort that the employee had done in office.
Worse things can happen in a form of relationship like this. It is possible that once or if the
relationship facing break ups the other person may cry sexual harassment due to hurt feelings. This is a
more vindictive standpoint and not often the case, but it does happen.
The issue of coworker dating at the office makes Human Resource Department (HRD) faces a
dilemma, whether to manage it in a strict written policy or just to let it be as it was – such usual
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phenomenon in a workplace. In one extreme, attract to different sex and then having relationship is a
nature of human being, it could be unrealistic to deny people the ability to form a relationship. As Neil
“Work is one thing, personal life is another...An employee is paid for their time and effort,
not for their life and soul”
Some people outside there may think that employer can not stand against one of the basic need of
human being – anything personal should not be considered as company’s problem. While the other
side of the case shows us some possibilities that kind of relationship can affects the work and the work
environment as well – Adam and Eve story shows us one of the real evidence.
A Workplace Romance Survey, held by Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM),
shows a fact that from 617 members who responded, 75 percent of Human Resource in America’s
company do not have any policies – formal or even written related to dating issue in office, 14 percent
say the policy is unwritten and 13 percent have the policies. On my brief observation many of
companies in Indonesia is just like that surveyed results. A national or multinational company,
including the government company mostly regulates the marriage-based relationship only. What about
the dating ? They just leave it as unwritten policies or simply they not even give a slightest attention to
it.
As a matter of fact, it could be hard for HR people to arrange some rules or guidance about
something that strongly influenced by one’s feelings – the company love contract. There is no general
method. For those who have policies on dating in the workplace, the policy itself vary among employer
to employer – there is no standard wording for employee manuals. But ignorance of the issue – avoid
to make formal dating policies, makes HR people walking on a thin ice, because one acrimonious
An Ethical Issue
Up to this point several questions pop-up in my mind but the most bothering question is, which
one is more ethical : employer allows dating in the workplace or making a formal policies as dating
has strong correlation with work performance. Before go to that road, maybe first we should take a
Since the very first day we born to this world, we are taught what is right and wrong, the
goodness and badness, a concept we called ethic. Ethics is the system of translation from way of life
and belief to the action. Ethics is may be hard to achieve although it is the most characteristic acquired
by human beings. The more the difference in values and perspective, the harder the way to achieve it.
Point of the problem is how ethics taught people. It is everyone duty to practice good ethic
everywhere, at home, school and even at the workplace. Wikipedia describes work ethic as a set of
values based on hard work and diligence. It is also a belief in the moral benefit of work and its ability
to enhance character. A work ethic may include being reliable, having initiative, or maintaining social
Malcolm Tatum in his article “What Are Workplace Ethics?” had written about two important
“First, workplace policies must be in harmony with all laws and regulations that are
currently in force in the jurisdiction where the business operates. This helps to ensure that
basic workplace ethics preclude any pressure or coercion to engage in actions that are
considered to be illegal, promote discrimination in the workplace, support unfair hiring
and firing practices, or allow wages to be set that are below the minimum legal standards
for the area. Second, workplace ethics are also influenced by business ethics. Ethics of
this type would also involve the conscious effort to cultivate a working environment where
people want to come to work and be productive because of pride in what they do for a
living”
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Workplace ethics must be harmonized with local jurisdictions. In Indonesia Workforce Law
“employers are prohibited from terminating employment, except : employee or labor has
ties of blood or by marriage with others employee or labor in the same company, unless
it is set in employment agreement, company regulations or collective labor agreement”
That law clearly pointed on how a company cannot terminate its employee on the basis of marriage if
the company never had any related policies before. But, how about dating ? By looking at the law, a
company has an explicit clue, when it comes to an employment termination due to the existence of
relationship then company must has a policy, rule or agreement which had been regulate about it
before.
Workplace ethics are influenced by business ethics. Many companies tend to comply with local
jurisdiction but when it comes to the need of developing moral principles concerning acceptable and
unacceptable behavior by business people, some may play equivocal role. What we have in mind is
that : relationships are difficult enough by themselves ! Duel relationship – as personal relationship at
the same time also a professional relationship, is difficult at best and untenable at worst. Keeping
Then it would be true if a dating issue becomes an ethical issue ? Of course it would. It because
the dating issue imply on conflict between company’s desire of ensuring employee productivity and
the private affair of employee. It is an ethical issue because in some stage dating issue can be easily
jump into marriage issue in which be stipulated with local law and in some point dating issue lead to
unclear policies.
The next question will be, should a company make policy, rule or agreement about dating ? We
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cannot generalize a ‘Yes or No’ answer for all companies. We must take look again in what values are
owned by the company, what are company’s business objectives and strategies and how the companies
run their daily business. Those factors will affect how company reacts to employee’s dating issue. As a
comparison, advertising company – which its employees have to make a broad and frequent contact
with people, may have strict dating policy rather than software-house company where people contact is
Now, back to the early question, when someone had asked which one is more qualified to be an
ethical behavior in the workplace, allowing dating in workplace or developing dating policy, then there
is no one can give an exact answer without evaluate all aspects and all parties involved. Basically,
relationship will be created among the employee either an employer wishes to allow relationship
between their employee or not. So, in order to decide what kind of action should employer choose,
they may asked themselves with these questions below which were been modified from an article
(2) Is it balanced? Is it fair to all concerned in the short term as well as the long term? Does it
(3) How will it make us feel about our company? Will it make us proud? Would we feel good if our
decision was published in the newspaper? Would we feel good if our stakeholders knew
(4) Do we know all the possible consequences – the goodness and the badness ? To what extent
(5) Does the decision can meet the needs and the objectives of all parties involved ? Will it be
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Last but not the least, what really hinted in this dating problem at the office is what employers
can do to protect themselves from relationships between employees that may cause an issue for the
company. Whether to allow employees having romance in the workplace or making some formal
written dating policies. When employers (specifically the HR department) decide to have no-dating
policies, then they must focus on creating a regulation that can provides information on healthy
relationships in the workplace. This might include information on situations that may present
professional conflicts of interest as well as some of the positives that can come from a healthy
interpersonal relationship. The HR department also must be focused on creating policies which
delivered professional boundaries, healthy interpersonal relationships, and ensuring that there are
policies to deal with any safety or harassment issues that might arise in the workplace as an implication
of previous dating issue. But, when employers prefer to not have any dating rules then they should not
be taken it slightingly because, as previously described dating issue may lead into more severe and
complex problems like jealousy, favoritism, gossips, or even harassment issue. Those may culminate
in low individual performance, creating un-conducive work environment and even worse can cause a
Epilogue
Nowadays, it appears to be the workplace where the majority of people meet, where
relationships are forged, and where significant others are established. Having romance between
employees at the same office become universal phenomenon and it also put employers, especially HR
department in a dilemma. Employer walk in fine line between ensuring employee productivity and
interfering in the private affairs of their employees. Whatever decision – making dating policies or not,
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had taken by company, it should have evaluated all factors such as company’s value, business
objectives and practice, sensitivity with various consequences, deliver stakeholder needs, bridge the
perception gap between employer and employee and how it may affect the company productivity.
While from employee point of view, whatever reason and technical regulations concerned with
issues of dating in the workplace, every employee should stick with it. No matter how humane the
right to dating other person, but as employee, we must respect any dating policies that company have.
And if there are no rules of dating in the office, still employee should be able to control their personal
matter to ensure that it will not affect the professional matter – employee individual performance and
productivity. In the act without being restricted by policy, every employee must be an adult, being
ethical in every action and also being responsible for every consequence of every decision.
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REFERENCES
DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION USA, 1991. Resolving Ethical Dilemmas in the Workplace: A New
Focus for Career Development ERIC Digest No.112. United State of America: Education Resources
Information Center (ED334468 1991-00-00).
ERC (Ethic Resource Center), 2009. The 2009 National Business Ethics Survey® (NBEC). America:
ERC.
HEATHFIELD, Susan M. Tips about Sex, Dating and Romance at Work [online]. Available from:
http://humanresources.about.com/cs/workrelationships/a/workromance_2.htm [Accessed 20 October 2010].
MIHAI, I., 2009. Personal Relationship in the Workplace: Is Dating at Work a Do or a Don’t [online].
Available from: http://www.suite101.com/content/personal-relationships-in-the-workplace-a164518 [Accessed 23
October 2010].
MOHERA, N. Dating at Work Policy [online]. Available from:
http://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/190761/careers_and_job_hunting/dating_at_work_policy.html [Accessed
24 October 2010].
NG, D., 2002. Business Etiquette: Office Dating [online]. Available from:
http://www.essortment.com/all/businessetiquet_tumh.htm [Accessed 19 October 2010].
Office Romance: How to Handle a Work Romance, 2008. Video. USA: Howdini.com [online].
Available from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-HraVeHNuQ&feature=related [Accessed 20 October 2010].
PORTALHR.COM, 2008. Asmara di Kantor Dilema HR [online]. Available from:
http://www.portalhr.com/beritahr/seputarhr/1id912.html [Accessed 20 October 2010].
PRIANGGORO, H., 2008. Naksir Teman Sekerja, Waspadai Konflik Kepentingan. Nova Tabloid, 28
November, p.15.
SHRM (Society For Human Resource Management), 2006. 2006 Workplace Romance Poll Findings.
Virginia: SHRM.
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SIEGEL, K., 2005. Workplace Ethics: Inappropriate Relationships [online]. Available from:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A14690-2005Mar7.html [Accessed 19 October 2010].
TATUM, M., 2010. What Are Workplace Ethics ? [online]. Available from:
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-workplace-ethics.htm [Accessed 24 October 2010].
EXHIBIT 1
The Questionnaire
QUESTIONS
Name :
Sex (F/M) :
Age :
Company/Sector :
1) Does your company has written policy about marriage with other employee in the same office
(Y/N) ?
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2) Does your company has written policy about dating at the office (Y/N) ?
3) Choose what kind of dating you agreed-on / support :
A. Dating with other employee in the same level only
B. Dating boss/superior or dating subordinate only
C. A and B
D. No, I don’t agree with any idea of dating at the office
4) Give a brief explanation about your choice !
5) Have you ever had any relationship (dating) with your workmate (subordinate or superior or
coworker) (Y/N) ?
If Yes then give minimum 2 negative and positive impact of those relationship !
If Yes then is it still continuing until present (Y/N) ?
If No then would you willing to dating your coworker somewhere in the future (Y/N) ?
ANSWERS
Number 1 Number 2
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Number 3
Number 4
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Number 5
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RESPONDENTS