Walking In Wisdom: Marriage Relationships (Pt.

1)
Ephesians 5:22-33
Introduction

We have come a long way in our study of the Book of Ephesians. My prayer is that the words
of this book have somehow penetrated your heart in such a way that you would desire to
change. I hope you have been challenged to understand just how much Jesus loves us and
desires for us to walk in holiness and true righteousness. His desire for us to walk with Him is
so great He has given us His Spirit to empower us for the journey.

You see folks; Jesus doesn’t just want us to change our behavior through the power of our
own will. No! He exerts His power in us giving us the ability to change. This is what
separates Christianity from all other religions. Other religions call on the power of the human
to change – Christianity says we are unable to change our behavior without the Spirit of God
active in our lives.

Another reason we, as Christians, are empowered by the Spirit is so that we might walk in
wisdom. Especially when it comes to relationships in the church (that’s what we talked about
the last two weeks), but also, the relationships between husband and wife; children and
parents; and employer to employee.

Most of you present this morning are not married but someday you will be. So I think it
would be a good idea for you not to tune this message out but rather learn what God expects.
Most of this chapter is speaking to HUSBANDS so men listen up to what God wants from
you. Ladies, if you are single, learn today what a good husband should be like. If you are
married then listen for advice as to how to help your husband be all he can be in the Lord.

So what does God have to say about marriage and the marriage relationships?

Ephesians 5:22-24

v. 22 – it means exactly what it means. There are husbands and there are wives and the wife
is to submit to HER OWN husband.

• Men – this does not mean that all women have to submit to you. Neither does it mean
that women have to submit to every man. The KJV translates this verse as “wives
submit to your OWN husbands…” The submission is a result of relationship and the
covenant of marriage.

• If you, as a man, have the idea that women are supposed to submit to you in all things
you are wrong. Both men and women are created in the image of God and share in
carrying His image with them and are thus EQUAL in God.
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• In the marriage the wives are to submit to, follow the leadership of and cooperate with
the leadership of the husband.

v. 23 – here is the key to success in this area. “The husband is the head of the wife as Christ
is the head of the church…”

• Just like Jesus is the head of the church – the husband IS the head of the home.
FULL STOP! In the Christian marriage this is not negotiable! We don’t negotiate
over who the head of the church is and neither should we negotiate who is the head
of the home.

• But the question is whether or not he is good at it! Is he a GOOD HUSBAND WHO
IS LIKE JESUS OR IS HE NOT LIKE JESUS?

• HEAD does not mean BOSS or MASTER! This does not mean the wife is lesser or
like the EMPLOYEE OF THE HUSBAND.

• Paul is trying to show us a picture of the church and what he is saying is that just like
Jesus has a BRIDE called THE CHURCH – SO HUSBANDS HAVE BRIDES AND
SHOULD TREAT THEM JUST LIKE JESUS TREATS THE CHURCH! But what
does that mean? Let’s think about one thing…

Jesus does not sit by and watch people just live their lives. NO He pursues them, He seeks
after them so that relationship can happen. Like Jesus men should be the ones who are
pursuing their wives so that relationship can happen. When I say pursue I am not talking just
sexually (although that is a good thing as well). What I am saying is that the man, as the
leader, who wants his wife to submit to him must be the one who is doing whatever it takes to
keep the unity of their marriage.

• If the family needs to repent it should be the husband who leads that repentance.

• If there is work that needs to be done in the marriage it is the responsibility of the man
to make sure that reconciliation is made.

In other words as Christian men we cannot fall into the trap of Adam who blamed his wife
for their problems and then walked away. NO! Again, Paul is telling men to be like Jesus.
Jesus never made us sin! Jesus did not cause us to sin! But Jesus was willing to take the
blame for our sin and make a way for the relationship between Him and us to be right.

• As a Christian husband we WILL have to be the one who is willing to take the blame
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for things that are wrong in our families and then be willing LIKE JESUS to do
something about it. (Repent, restore, make reconciliation happen).

• Men – if your family is screwed up it is a reflection of the leadership. It is your

responsibility lead and to lead your family into a closer walk with Jesus. YOU CAN
ONLY DO THIS WHEN YOU ARE WALING CLOSELY WITH JESUS!

• If your wife is in sin or is struggling with certain issues of life the husband LIKE
JESUS is willing to help her find the path of reconciliation and restoration. NOT
BLAME AND ACCUSATION – BUT AS A MEDIATOR AND
COMPASSIONATE FRIEND WILLING TO CARRY HER BURDEN TO HELP
HER BECOME STRONG

You see here is the thing when you as a husband are willing to do this the submission of a
wife is not a problem. I know Christian men who demand submission from their wives. They
have this part of Ephesians memorized. But they fail to see that Paul is NOT TALKING TO
WIVES BUT HE IS TALKING TO HUSBANDS! He is telling them that if they would treat
their wives like Jesus treats the church the whole submission thing would not be a problem.

This is an act of humility by the husband. Just like Jesus who humbled Himself and emptied
his life for the church we as husbands are called to empty our lives for the one we love. Men,
you cannot demand submission – submission comes as you help your wife to understand that
you are going to…

• Pursue her, love her, care for her, forgive her, cherish her, sustain her, uphold her, and
be like Jesus to her….

• In doing this you will make her the most confident, secure and wonderful wife. She
will walk through life saying – Jesus loves me; my husband loves. Jesus pursues me;
my husband pursues me. Jesus cares for me; my husband cares for me.

Most women want to have this kind of relationship with their husbands. Most women want to
be in submission to their husbands. But those who struggle with submitting to their husbands
are usually those who have a husband WHO LOOKS NOTHING LIKE JESUS! This means
he cannot be trusted.
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Ephesians 5:25

Husbands you need to go home today and ask your wife 2 questions: what are the things I
have done to make you feel most loved and what are the things I have said or done that have
made you feel unloved.

Let me help you husbands today with something (and by extension I will help you wives as
well). A man named Gary Chapman wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages and in that
book he tells us that people FEEL LOVE in different ways (in Ecclesiastes as well). Love is
not just about a feeling but it is about how we express that feeling to someone else (like our
wives). Some feel like they are being loved by:

• Touch – holding hands, hugging, sitting together, etc. You say, “Well I just don’t like
all that touchy stuff.” Guess what husbands it’s not about you! If your wife feels
loved because you are touching her then that is what you need to do to help her feel
loved. You love her THE WAY SHE NEEDS TO BE LOVED.

• Time – spending uninterrupted time with her

• Service – running errands or doing things for her

• Gifts – big and small

• Talk – listen to her talk (even when you don’t want to).

The goal is to help her to feel loved just like Jesus has taken the time to help you feel loved.
As a husband you need to act in humility and lay down your life so your wife will be blessed.

Ephesians 5:26–27 – Responsibilities of the Husband To His Wife.

• (V. 26) Make her holy by helping her to be washed in the word of God. You need to
be the one who opens the scriptures and the study of scripture with your wife and
family.

• As a man you should be helping your wife to understand the Word. That means you
are studying the Word for yourself and then helping her to walk in the Word.

• You as the husband need to lead your wife into ministry and working in the church. It
is the privilege of us husbands to open the word with our families.

• (V. 27) Jesus has a goal for your life – holiness. Jesus keeps empowering the church
to reach this goal and in the end to present the church as a glorious, radiant, and
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beautiful bride.

• The goal of husbands is to continually empower their wives to become more holy and
blameless. The husband who is acting like Christ never gives up on helping his wife
to become closer to Jesus and love Him more than she loves her husband.

• Believe me men – if your wife loves Jesus more than you your marriage will be
AWESOME. But not in the sense that she is doing her own thing in the Word and
church but that she is being lead into holiness by her husband.

Husbands we need to go all out for our wives – just like Jesus went all to love the church.
Giving and not getting should mark our love for our wives. Everything Jesus does for the
church is done to make her more beautiful, more radiant and glorious. Husbands who are like
Jesus do the things that make their wives more glorious and radiant.

Ephesians 5:28-30

Now this is a really interesting passage. In reality it is quite a funny passage if you think
about what he is saying.

v. 28 – Just as Jesus loves the body (the church) we as husbands are to love our wives like we
love our own bodies. After all, showing love to your wife is actually like showing love for
yourself.

• I mean think about folks. Have you every known someone who like to abuse their
body? If a person is in their right mind they will not be abusing themselves.

• You don’t see guys walking around slapping themselves or taking hammers and
hitting themselves in the head.

• Today we have this piercing going on. Piercing ears, piercing noses, piercing genitals,
piercing nipples. My kids showed me a picture of a lady the other day who had 4,225
piercing in her body. NOW THAT IS ABUSE AND IT IS A SIGN OF SOMEONE
WHO DISLIKES THEMSELVES! All the tattooing and piercing is a sign of a
generation that has never witnessed the beauty of a marriage where the husband is
like Jesus and the wife like the church.

• Instead the husband is abusive to his wife in his words and deeds. He is looking at
porn instead of her. Flirting with girls at the office. Having sex with his wife’s
friends. What is doing? He is abusing his own body and therefore breaking the unity
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between him and his bride.

• Paul is basically saying that only a FOOL abuses his own body. Jesus doesn’t abuse
the church and husbands do not abuse their wives!

v. 29b – Instead a husband cares for his body. He feeds it and cares for it JUST LIKE JESUS
TAKES FEEDS AND CARES FOR THE CHURCH! Husbands it is our responsibility to
care for and feed our wives. Not just physically but also emotionally and spiritually. We as
the husband are to be the provider. As the husband we are to be the one who demonstrates the
love of God to the world by how we treat our wives.

Ephesians 5:31-33

You see here is the whole point of this. You and your wife are ONE. When you were joined
in marriage and consummated that marriage you became ONE with your wife.

Paul goes back to Genesis 2:24 and repeats the words of Adam – For this reason a man
ought to leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they two shall become one
flesh.

If a husband is not going all out to help his wife be more holy, be more blameless; or helping
her to be washed in the word. If he is not helping to make her more glorious and radiant so
that the love of Christ is being demonstrated to the world THEN HE IS SIMPLY SAYING “I
HATE MYSELF!”

Why? Because you and your wife are one flesh! There is no “her and me” or “she and I”
THERE IS JUST US! Whatever you do to abuse your own body is an assault to your wife.

That is why Pastor preaches so hard about not having sex before marriage. Every time you
have sex with someone you are becoming ONE FLESH with him or her BUT YOU ARE
NOT IN COVENANT WITH HIM OR HER. Then you go from sexual partner to sexual
partner and becoming JOINED to every one of them. YOU ARE ABUSING YOUR BODY!
More than that you are abusing the FUTURE WIFE THAT GOD WANTS TO GIVE YOU!

That is also why Pastor preaches so hard about not cheating on your wife by looking at porn;
or flirting with other women; or being sexually impure. Because when you, as a husband,
ignore the fact that you are one flesh with your wife you are actually showing the world that
Jesus is a joke and that you are a fool who likes to hit himself in the face!

v. 33 – Instead of doing all the abuse – LOVE YOUR WIFE. Learn how to love her. Learn
how to care for her. If you have never had a godly example of a Christian marriage then find
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one and ask the guy what it takes to have that. When you are willing to do whatever it takes
to show love to your wife then you are really just showing the world that Christ is King and
you are wise man who loves himself and his wife.

Conclusion

I stand before you a very broken man today! As I have been studying these passages I have
been convicted in my heart without measure. I have seen where I am falling short as a
husband. I have seen where I have not helped to make my wife more holy and blameless. I
have seen where I have not helped her to be radiant and glorious. I have seen where I have
not been washing her with the Word. AND I HAVE HAD TO DO SOME MAJOR
REPENTING!

As an act of showing my remorse at not being the man I should be and loving my wife the
way she should be loved I want to do something. I want my wife to come and I want to renew
my commitment to loving her and serving her in humility – JUST LIKE JESUS.

Wash her feet!