Unit 2 Tutorials Examine The Fundamentals of Conflict

Unit 2 Tutorials: Examine the
Fundamentals of Conflict
INSIDE UNIT 2
The Role of the Mind
Belief Systems and Assumptions
Perceptions and Beliefs
Rational Factors in Decision Making
Non-Rational Factors in Decision Making
Gain and Risk
Building Blocks of Agreement and Disagreement
Cognitive Dissonance and Conflict
The Role of Physiology

The Amygdala and Fight/Flight Reaction
Quelling the Adrenaline Response
Raising the "Reaction Threshold"
Security, Confidence, and Courage
The Role of Emotion

Anger in Conflict
The Comfort Zone and Resistance to Change
Emotion as a Motivator/Demotivator for Conflict Resolution
Emotions as Signposts
Emotional Volume
Relational Nature of Conflict

The Need for Relationships
The Range of Relationships
Trust, Credibility, and Authority
Intention in Relationships
Power and Role Shifts in Relationships
Constructive and Destructive Relationships
Core Needs
Physical and Emotional Factors in Conflict
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
Core Concerns: Appreciation
© 2019 SOPHIA Learning, LLC. SOPHIA is a registered trademark of SOPHIA Learning, LLC. Page 1
Core Concerns: Autonomy
Core Concerns: Affiliation
Core Concerns: Status
Core Concerns: Role
Communication Process
The Communication Process 101
Encoding Information
Internal and External Filters
Communication Errors
Communication Is Constant
Stories and Communication
Belief Systems and Assumptions

by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss how our beliefs affect the way we view different situations. In particular,
we’ll focus on:
1. Beliefs and Assumptions
2. Belief Systems
3. Role of Belief Systems in Conflict
1. Beliefs and Assumptions

A belief is a person's mental sense of what is true, or right/correct in a given situation. Our beliefs come from
our own experiences, such as:
The relationships we have

The communities we grow up in
What we read (e.g. religious texts, history books)
What we hear
Someone who grew up in the city may have a different set of experiences that formed his/her beliefs than
someone who grew up in the country.
Whether someone grew up rich or poor is another example of an experience that can shape beliefs.
Out of these beliefs come assumptions, or expectations formed as a result of a person's beliefs.
 EXAMPLE Perhaps you're growing up in a family where everybody works hard, but nobody seems to
get ahead. No matter how hard you work, it's always going to be a dog-eat-dog world. You feel like you’re
not going to make it; you haven’t been able to achieve your goals.
 EXAMPLE Or you may grow up in an environment where you believe that if you study hard, you’ll get
a scholarship. Then if you go to college, you’ll be able to get a good job and achieve your dreams.
Based on our beliefs and assumptions of how we think the world works, we have certain expectations. These
expectations could be anything from how safe or dangerous we think the world is to how much or how little
support we think we’ll receive from our families and friends.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Belief
A person’s mental sense of what is true or right/correct in a situation.
Assumption
An expectation formed from a person’s beliefs.
2. Belief Systems
When we take our assumptions and put them together, they form abelief system, or a combination of beliefs
that becomes a model for an aspect of a person's world. This model is the way we make sense of the world,
and how it works.
The beliefs that make up a belief system are non-contradictory; they are strung together to form a person’s
world model, which might be shared by many other people.
IN CONTEXT
Those who grew up in the United States probably share a belief system that democracy and
freedom are important.
Furthermore, those of us who were alive during September 11th may feel that experience has
affected our beliefs regarding the vulnerability of our nation.
Although we may share beliefs, each person also takes his/her unique experiences and evaluates them
according to his/her own belief system. We all have personal experiences, such as life events and
relationships, that form the way we see the world.
 EXAMPLE Someone may experience a personal tragedy when he/she young, such as the death of a
parent, health issues, or financial problems. This event is going to influence the person’s belief system
about how the world works.
 EXAMPLE On the other hand, someone might have a defining experience that is positive, such as
winning a scholarship, traveling abroad, or receiving encouragement from teachers/mentors. This positive
experience also influences this person’s belief system.
 TERM TO KNOW
Belief System
A combination of beliefs that becomes a model for an aspect of a person’s world.
3. Role of Belief Systems in Conflict

Because we have personal experiences that shape our belief systems of how the world works, these belief
systems are slow to change. Thus when we have new experiences, we evaluate how they fit into into our
individual belief systems by considering the following:
Does the experience confirm the belief system?

Does the experience challenge the belief system?
 EXAMPLE A person might have a particular belief system about a group of people. This person thinks
this group isn’t getting ahead because they're lazy and don’t have the right values. Perhaps the person
believes this because of a personal experience that he/she feels confirms that way of thinking.
However, this person might then have an experience that challenges that belief system, causing the
person to reconsider: "Before I met someone from this group, I assumed laziness caused the group’s
struggles. Now I'm beginning to see that it might not be so black and white. Maybe it’s not an equal
playing field out there."
The more experiences we have, the more we're able to either confirm or challenge our belief systems. Yet
because belief systems are slow to change, people have the tendency to want to fit certain experiences into
their existing belief systems.
 EXAMPLE Someone might believe that women shouldn’t be in construction jobs because they’re not
strong enough, or because they’re taking jobs away from men. This person then sees a woman climbing
up a building while doing a job. The person might think, "That's an exception. She's doing that, but most
women won’t want to do that."
We often don't want to challenge dearly held belief systems; if we've grown up thinking the world works in a
particular way, we're going to cling to that and try to consider whatever opposing experiences we have as an
exception to the rule.
Therefore, depending on what we do with our experiences, our belief systems have the ability to either:
Escalate a conflict
De-escalate a conflict
If you insist on making an experience conform to your beliefs, that could escalate a conflict because you
aren't as willing to take in new information. But if you're willing to understand that something might be
different than the way you have always thought it would or should work, that could de-escalate the conflict.
 HINT
In order to consider how strongly we hold belief systems, try imagining a belief system as a string that holds
individual beads, or beliefs, together. We keep trying to fit new beliefs onto the string because it’s much
easier to do that than to change the belief system.
 SUMMARY
In this lesson, you learned how our personal experiences shape our beliefs and assumptions about
how the world works. These beliefs then come together to form belief systems, which serves as a
models for certain aspects of our lives. You now understand the role that belief systems play in
conflict when we are either willing or unwilling to allow an experience to challenge the views we have
established. Good luck!
Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.
TERMS TO KNOW

Assumption
An expectation formed from a person's beliefs.
Belief
A person's mental sense of what is true or right/correct in a situation.
Belief System
A combination of belief that becomes a model for an aspect of a person's world.
Perceptions and Beliefs
by Sophia Tutorial
 WHAT'S COVERED
In this lesson, we’ll discuss how our existing belief systems lead to perceptions that affect how we
interpret present experiences. Two areas of focus include:
1. Perceptions and How They Are Formed
2. Influence of Perceptions on Conflict Response
1. Perceptions and How They Are Formed

As you learned in a previous lesson, our beliefs, or mental senses of what is true or right in a particular
situation, come from:
Experiences that we have

People we interact with
Communities we live in
Languages we speak
Cultures we are part of
Together, these beliefs form a belief system, which is a combination of beliefs that becomes a model for an
aspect of a person's world. This model helps us make sense of what we're seeing.
Perceptions come from the beliefs that we hold. A perception is a person's awareness and interpretation of an
event, condition, or person; it’s what we consciously notice when we observe something.
We filter these observations through our belief systems; maybe we aren't always aware of this, but we will
give more weight to experiences that confirm our belief systems. The more important a belief system is, the
more weight we're going to give to experiences, events, and situations that confirm that belief system.
 EXAMPLE You and a friend want to see a movie. You like to watch movies at home by streaming them
on your TV through Netflix. You prefer to be in the comfort of your own home when you see a movie.
Conversely, your friend loves going to the movie theater. She talks you into going to the movie theater
with her. Afterwards when she asks if you liked the movie, your response might be: "I liked the movie, but
the theater’s floors were dirty; I didn't even want to put my purse down. I could hear the person next to me
eating popcorn. It was noisy in there. Plus, it was cold— I should have worn a sweater. I just didn't like the
environment."
Your friend says, "Really? I thought it was a fabulous place to watch this movie. I loved the big screen. I
really liked sitting there eating popcorn. I tuned everything else out. I liked being part of the crowd, and
hearing it respond to the action in the movie." Same movie, same theater, but two very different
perceptions.
 EXAMPLE You and your spouse are looking to buy a new home, and you walk into a bungalow that
was built maybe back in the '30s.
You realize that there's old carpet on the floor, and there's wallpaper. Things look a little worn, but this
could be a fabulous place. All you’d have to do is strip the wallpaper and paint the walls. You could even
take up the carpet because there are probably hardwood floors.
Your spouse says, "Not so fast. What I see here is a lot of hard work and money. Maybe we'd paint the
walls, but what's behind those walls?" Maybe his/her belief system, based on his/her experiences causes
him/her to see nothing but a challenge, or a money pit while you’re seeing beauty and opportunity. You’re
looking at the same house, but you have two different perceptions.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Belief
A person’s mental sense of what is true or right/correct in a situation.
Belief System
A combination of beliefs that becomes a model for an aspect of a person’s world.
Perception
A person’s awareness and interpretation of an event, condition, or person.
2. Influence of Perceptions on Conflict Response

When we move into areas where there are perhaps political or religious beliefs involved, people are even
more inclined to give weight to perceptions that will confirm the belief systems they have.
 EXAMPLE Gun rights, or the right to bear arms in the Second Amendment, often comes into conflict
with the need to make our streets and schools safer. We're going to give more weight to one side or the
other, depending on our experiences.
 EXAMPLE Political candidates have positions such as pro-life or pro-choice, raising taxes or lowering
taxes. One candidate is going to work to cut spending, while another candidate is going to work to raise
taxes on the rich.
Depending on where you fall on that spectrum, you're going to give more weight to what you read in
support of your position, and less weight to the other side.
Thus what we perceive, or consciously notice, comes from these belief systems and our innate desire to
support them. When we get into a conflict, we may begin to have some new experiences and beliefs about
the other party during the resolution process.
However, we're consciously trying to fit these new experiences into our current belief systems; one of the
challenges in conflict resolution is helping parties feel comfortable altering their beliefs, or evaluating new
experiences without skewing them toward previously held belief systems.
 HINT
It’s important to remember that being open to changes in your belief system doesn’t necessarily mean that
you have to adopt another's point of view. Rather, it means that you at least recognize that this point of view is
valid for this other individual.
You need to respect the validity of this person's experience, just as you would expect this person to respect
the validity of your perception and your experience. The goal of conflict resolution is to help us see more fully,
and move away from just weighting our experiences towards what we already believe.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned about perceptions and how they are formed from our established belief
systems. You now understand that the way our perceptions influence our response to conflict
depends on whether or not we are open to having our belief systems challenged. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Belief
A person's mental sense of what is true or right/correct in a situation.
Belief System
A combination of beliefs that becomes a model for an aspect of a person's world.
Perception
A person’s awareness and interpretation of an event, condition, or person.
Rational Factors in Decision Making
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson we’ll discuss how rational factors are involved in the decision making process. The
specific areas of focus include:
1. Decisions and Cost/Benefit Analysis
2. Factors to Consider in Decision Making
1. Decisions and Cost/Benefit Analysis

A decision is simply a choice between two or more items or options. Everyday we make multiple decisions
that are quick and simple.
 EXAMPLE You need to decide what you’re going to have for dinner. You begin to think about what
your options are: "There's a new recipe I'd like to try, but I have some chicken leftovers in the refrigerator."
Very quickly, you go back and forth over the pros and cons of each option:
New recipe pros: It looks really good, and it’s quick.

New recipe cons: I might have to stop at the store and buy extra ingredients for it.
Leftovers pros: The chicken can be prepared very quickly, it’s already here, and the kids like it.
Leftovers cons: I already had chicken for lunch.
You might decide that because you’re hungry, and it’s the simplest option, you’re going to choose the
leftovers.
This method of weighing pros and cons is called cost/benefit analysis, an assessment of the benefits gained
versus the effort or resources expended in association with the particular option in a decision.
 EXAMPLE We can see this in the small decision of what to cook for dinner: The benefits gained in
terms of time outweighed the resources that you’d have to expend.
Or you could decide that because you’ve already eaten chicken, you’d rather make something new. In this
case, the benefits would outweigh the cost.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Decision
A choice between two or more items or options.
Cost/Benefit Analysis
An assessment of the benefits gained vs. effort or resources expended associated with a particular option in a
decision.
2. Factors to Consider in Decision Making

We go through this process of cost/benefit analysis all the time, many times more unconsciously than
consciously. However, when we have a big decision to make -- something that we consider significant -- we
give a lot more conscious attention to the range of factors that go into the decision.
IN CONTEXT
You've decided that you need to buy a new car. You check with Consumer Reports, and you start
looking at various cars in various price ranges because cost is certainly a factor. In addition to cost,
you might look at other factors, such as:
Safety
Gas mileage
Seating
You take all of these physical conditions into consideration. Looking at these logical, rational items
helps you to make a decision.
However, you’re probably also weighing other, more emotional factors here:
What kind of a car is this?
Does it have a sunroof?
What is my spouse going to think about this?
Should I look at used cars because of the expense?
How long do I think the car will last?
Is it environmentally sound?
What color is the car?
Any of these might end up being the most important factor for somebody in your family in terms of
making a decision about a car.
You will look at this variety of factors and weigh them in terms of the cost/benefit analysis. Chances
are that it will take some time to finalize your decision after taking all the factors into consideration.
 BIG IDEA
Although not all of the decisions we make are instantaneous, some certainly feel more in-the-moment, such
as, "What am I going to eat?" or "What am I going to wear to work?"
We quickly weigh a multitude of factors, and when the decision is more significant, we consciously spend
more time weighing those factors. Some of the factors are physical, some are emotional, and some are based
on our perceptions of how others might react to our decision.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned how we make decisions using the cost/benefit analysis to evaluate the pros
and cons of each option. You now understand that there are a variety of factors to consider when
making a decision, and the significance of the decision affects the amount of time a person will spend
weighing those factors. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Cost/Benefit Analysis
An assessment of the benefits gained vs. effort or resources expended associated with a particular
option in a decision.
Decision
A choice between two or more items or options.
Non-Rational Factors in Decision Making
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In a previous lesson, you learned about the rational factors involved in decision making, and how
they’re often weighed using the cost/benefit analysis. This lesson will discuss how decisions also
involve various non-rational factors, such as:
1. Emotional Factors
2. Relational Factors
3. Neurological Factors
1. Emotional Factors
In the context of decision making, non-rational means the influence of emotional factors rather than tangible
gains and losses associated with a choice.
An emotional factor that is involved in a decision is referred to asemotional bias, or a tendency to believe that
something which generates a pleasant feeling is “good,” while something which evokes an unpleasant feeling
is “bad.”
This emotional bias is something that marketers know very well. Think about any recent commercial or
advertisement that you've seen. Chances are that it was trying to make you feel good about a product.
 EXAMPLE Take car commercials for instance. Like most advertisements, these commercials are all
about speed, beauty, and status.
 EXAMPLE We can take that same truth into buying something else, even something significant like a
home. Realtors will sometimes even tell people selling their homes to bake a pie or cookies, and have
those items cooling on the counter because smell is a very powerful sense.
For most people, the smell of cookies or pie evokes a sense of home and comfort, which is a good feeling.
If you associate that feeling of comfort with this house, then you're probably going to have an emotional
bias towards the house.
You know that there are also rational decisions that go into choosing something like a home, but if we
have enough of this positive emotional bias, we may lean towards the house that made us feel that way
over the other options.
 EXAMPLE Emotional bias can factor into smaller decisions as well. If you’ve ever bought something
impractical, you may have later tried to justify the purchase because you knew that you bought the item
simply because you loved it.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Non-Rational
In decision making, the influence of emotional factors, rather than tangible gains/losses associated with a
choice.
Emotional Bias
A tendency to believe that something which generates a pleasant feeling is “good,” and that something which
evokes an unpleasant feeling is “bad.”
2. Relational Factors
Relational factors have to do with several different things. Firstly, they involve the people that we relate to,
such as our:
Families
Communities
Friends
When these groups are involved, peer pressure can come into play as a relational factor. If you have children,
then you know that peer pressure often begins at a very young age.
 EXAMPLE Kids in school may begin to feel peer pressure to do things that others in their peer group
are doing. Most of us have probably heard phrases like, "Everybody else has one, so I need one. All the
cool kids have one." While peer pressure starts young, it certainly doesn't end when we become adults.
Status symbols are another relational factor that can become very important for many people. A status symbol
is an item which suggests that its owner has a high social status.
 EXAMPLE Once again, marketers know that they can influence us with status symbols. Think about
what you see when you look at advertisements for things like cars and fashion:
What brand is it?
Is it going to impress others?
Is impressing others important to me?
How does it make me feel about myself?
 TERM TO KNOW
Status Symbol
An item which suggests that its owner has a high social status.
3. Neurological Factors
In decision making, neurological factors have to do withsalience, or the factor of an object, an idea, or a
choice which draws additional attention to that item.
Salience occurs on a neurological level, which means it's relatively unconscious: something about a particular
object calls our attention to it, so we tend to reach for that object. We see something, it stands out, and we
take it.
As with the other factors, marketers use salience in a very conscious way because they know that we’re much
more likely to get something that calls attention to itself than to search on the lower shelves, or to pick up
something we've never heard of.
 EXAMPLE Think about the last time you were in a store to buy an item like peanut butter, shampoo, or
any item that presents many different options on the shelves. Chances are that the most well-known brand
is the one at eye-level on the shelf. Neurologically, it comes to mind because you see it right there.
 EXAMPLE This is also true if you're up in the front of the store getting ready to go out through the
cash register, and you see the items in the check-out aisles. We call these “impulse buys” because we
tend to grab them since they're right there and don't cost that much. That’s a very neurological, or
biological thing that happens to all of us and influences our decision making.
During this neurological process, you might use something called rule of thumb. This is an expression for a
general estimate made with the knowledge that it will not be entirely accurate in all situations.
 EXAMPLE You’re in the produce aisle, and you see the fruit. A good rule of thumb is, "If it’s firm and
has good color, then it's good fruit." Most of the time that's true, but it might not always be the case.
Regardless, you go by the rule of thumb.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Salience
A factor of an object, idea, choice, etc. which draws additional attention to that item.
Rule of Thumb
An expression, meaning a general estimate, knowing it will not be entirely accurate in all situations.
 THINK ABOUT IT
Consider the last big decision you made:
Which of the non-rational factors had the largest impact on your decision?
Why was this factor important (e.g because of salience, peer pressure, etc)?
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned that while we certainly think about things rationally, decision making is not
a purely rational processes. You now understand that emotional, relational, and neurological factors
are the non-rational considerations that will influence how we make our decisions. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Emotional Bias
A tendency to believe that something which generates a pleasant feeling is “good,” and that
something which evokes an unpleasant feeling is “bad.”
Non-Rational
In decision making, the influence of emotional factors rather than tangible gains/losses associated
with a choice.
Rule of Thumb
An expression, meaning a general estimate, knowing it will not be entirely accurate in all situations.
Salience
A factor of an object, idea, choice, etc. which draws additional attention to that item.
Status Symbol
An item which suggests that its owner has a high social status.
Gain and Risk
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss how the concept of gains and losses relate to the decision making and
conflict resolution processes. Two areas of focus include:
1. Potential Gain and Risk of Loss
2. Gains and Losses in Conflict
1. Potential Gain and Risk of Loss

A potential gain is what an individual values and may obtain as a result of a given decision. When there's a
potential gain, it’s something we hope we’re going to get, though we may not be certain that we will.
Conversely, a risk of loss can be defined as the chance that a person will not attain his or her goal and/or lose
something valued as a result of choosing a particular option in a decision.
If there's a risk of loss, we tend to move away from meeting a particular need because we fear we're going to
lose something valued.
When we juggle gains and losses in everyday decision making, two of the potential gains that we consider
most often are time and money; both of these are things that we don’t want to lose.
 EXAMPLE When you’re going shopping at the grocery store, you might cut out some coupons and
take them with you so that you can gain as much as you can for the least amount of money.
 EXAMPLE You’re going to go out to dinner and a movie with your friend, and you need to choose a
restaurant. Spending time with your friend is important, so you choose a restaurant that's close to the
theater. This way, you’ll have more time to talk over dinner before you go to the movie.
 DID YOU KNOW
There’s also been some interesting research showing that when people weigh gains and losses, they tend to
evaluate avoiding losses as more important than maximizing gains.
This tends to be true, particularly in larger decisions, such as financial investments, where we may want to
play it safe and not risk anything at all.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Potential Gain
What an individual values and may obtain as a result of a given decision.
Risk of Loss
The chance that a person will not attain his/her goal and/or lose something valued as a result of choosing a
particular option in a decision.
2. Gains and Losses in Conflict

All conflict-resolution strategies are really built around the idea that parties can maximize their gains and
minimize their losses when they enter a solution-oriented meeting.
Instilling that confidence in the parties is important; it's one of the things the mediator or the conflict-resolver
will work to do.
The mediator will sit with the parties and show them what they have to gain by participating in this process.
Regardless of which resolution method is used, there's more possibility of gaining by going through the
process than losing.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned that potential gains and risk of losses are two factors that are heavily
considered in making both small and large decisions. You now understand how gains and losses are
involved in conflict, as conflict resolution processes build themselves around the idea that both
parties have the opportunity to maximize their gains and minimize their losses by participating. Good
luck!
Source: ADAPTED FROM SOPHIA TUTORIAL BY MARLENE JOHNSON.
TERMS TO KNOW

Potential Gain
What an individual values and may obtain as a result of a given decision.
Risk of Loss
The chance that a person will not attain his/her goal and/or lose something valued as a result of
choosing a particular option in a decision.
Building Blocks of Agreement and Disagreement
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In a previous lesson, you learned that whenever we make decisions, we consider (either consciously
or subconsciously) what we will gain or lose with each option. This lesson will discuss:
1. Maximizing/Minimizing Gains and Losses
2. Creating Momentum through Agreements
1. Maximizing/Minimizing Gains and Losses

Conflict resolution offers the parties many opportunities for decisions, and each decision is itself an
opportunity to either agree on something, or to disagree.
During this process, each party is aware of gains, or obtaining something of value, and losses, or losing
something valued. Each party wants to maximize its gains and minimize its losses.
 EXAMPLE You and your roommate have been in conflict over use of the kitchen. The kitchen is often
dirty, and things are missing from the refrigerator. You and roommate can’t seem to agree on who should
do the following tasks:
Clean
Cook
Shop for groceries
There’s a variety of issues that need to be discussed; some of them are tangible (such as the chores that
need to be done), and some of them are intangible (such as the lack of communication).
Once these issues are out in the open, you and your roommate see if you can come to even one small
agreement. This could be something like, "Let’s keep a list on the refrigerator of what food and household
items we’re out of. Because we haven’t been communicating well, let's have a meeting on Saturday
morning to talk about x, y, and z."
Every time there's an agreement, it’s a positive step forward and evidence of a possible gain; each time
there's a disagreement on something, it's evidence that there could be a loss.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Gain
Obtaining something of value.
Loss
Losing something valued.
2. Creating Momentum through Agreements

Even if they’re small, each agreement can help the parties gainmomentum in terms of maximizing gains.
Momentum is a tendency for something going in one direction to keep going in that direction unless it is
affected by outside forces.
We all know what momentum means if we've ridden a bicycle, gone running, or went swimming. We get our
momentum going, and we just want to keep it up.
In terms of conflict resolution, you make one agreement, and that agreement opens the door for the next
agreement, and so on. This is called agreement stacking because our momentum builds as we make these
agreements, and it then becomes easier to make each subsequent agreement.
Naturally, the opposite is also possible. If the parties begin to disagree, each disagreement can create
momentum in the other direction.
Within the conflict resolution process, it's possible to reach answers even on small issues in order to make
decisions and agreements that will create momentum for maximizing gain.
 TERM TO KNOW
Momentum
A tendency for something going in one direction to keep going in that direction unless affected by outside
forces.
 BIG IDEA
The goal of the conflict resolution process is to instill confidence in the parties that if they meet together, put
their issues on the table, and collaborate, they have a chance to maximize their gains and minimize their
losses.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned about how agreements and disagreements affect the conflict resolution
process. You now understand that each agreement reached during a conflict creates a forward
momentum that makes it easier to make the next agreement. This is why it’s important for the parties
to try to reach decisions on even the smallest issues; doing so will create momentum for maximizing
gains and minimizing losses. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Gain
Obtaining something of value.
Loss
Losing something valued.
Momentum
A tendency for something going in one direction to keep going in that direction unless affected by
outside forces.
Cognitive Dissonance and Conflict
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss what happens when what you do doesn’t match what you believe. Two
areas of focus include:
1. Cognitive Dissonance
2. How Cognitive Dissonance Affects Conflict
1. Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive dissonance is a state in which the mind holds two or more incompatible thoughts or beliefs. These
thoughts or beliefs are referred to as cognitions, which is a general term for evaluating, integrating, and
interpreting thoughts or beliefs.
We want our beliefs and our thoughts to be consistent, and we want the way we behave to be consistent with
how we feel we should behave.
When that doesn't happen, we find ourselves in the unpleasant state of being out of sync. We then try alter to
that unpleasant state by integrating, justifying, or in some cases rejecting one of these thoughts or beliefs
because it is incompatible with the others.
 EXAMPLE You work at an office, and you've been going into the supply room to take some office
supplies that you need; you brought these supplies home. You haven't taken very many things, but you
keep going back every week to take a little bit more.
You view honesty as very important, and you think of yourself as a person of integrity. You would never go
into a store and steal, so the fact that you've been taking things from the office each week bothers you a
little bit because it's in conflict with the belief that you are an honest person. You now have some choices
on how you're going to deal with this internal conflict.
One option is to integrate what you're doing here to make it fit with your beliefs: "I worked overtime, and I
didn't get paid extra for it; I’m just taking my due here," or "They get paid a lot more at the top levels, and I
don't get paid that much. This is my way of rectifying that inequality."
You could also justify your actions: "I didn't take that much, so it’s not really stealing." Or you could change
your behavior: "This is stealing, and I don’t believe in stealing, so I need to stop."
 EXAMPLE You believe that health is very important, so you want to have a good diet. You pride
yourself on eating healthy foods, such as fruits, vegetables, grains. However, you have a bad habit of
eating chips and chocolate on cold winter nights.
You can try to justify this habit: "I got these chocolates as a gift, so I have to eat them," or "I had a hard day,
and I have to relax somehow. This is better than sitting here and drinking a bottle of wine."
You can also try to integrate it into your belief system: "I don’t do this all the time, only during January
when it's really cold." If you've ever tried to justify or integrate an inconsistency this way, then you’ve
experienced cognitive dissonance.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Cognitive Dissonance
A state in which the mind holds two or more incompatible thoughts or beliefs.
Cognition
A general term for evaluating, integrating, interpreting, etc. thoughts or beliefs.
2. How Cognitive Dissonance Affects Conflict

When we choose to express this dissonance, whether by justifying it, rejecting it, or in some way trying to
integrate it, we can either escalate or de-escalate a conflict.
 EXAMPLE You have some immigrant neighbors that moved in next door. They're from a culture that's
different than that of everybody else who lives on the block, and there are a few prejudices. You notice
that people are shunning the neighbors, calling them lazy, or labeling them in other ways that are not very
flattering.
You begin to participate in this talk with your neighbors about these people that you don't even really
know. You've always considered yourself a fair-minded person, someone who's not prejudiced. Yet here
you are, sitting around talking about them in a way that's not flattering. All of this has lead to tensions in the
neighborhood.
You can try to integrate your behavior by saying, "I know that a lot of those people are dishonest. There’s
some truth in it, so maybe they deserve what I said. I feel a little unsafe, so my neighbors are probably
right." Either of these attempts at integration can escalate the conflict and the feelings of tension in the
neighborhood.
You also have the option to reject this behavior because it does not fit your core belief of being an open
and fair-minded person who doesn't engage in rumors and gossip. You could say, "This is wrong; I don't
know those people, so I have no right to judge them." If you take that stance, then you have a better
chance of de-escalating the conflict because you're standing firm with what you believe instead of
participating in the behavior that you find objectionable.
 EXAMPLE You find yourself competing with a coworker for a promotion; it's just between the two of
you. You know that there's a very important project this coworker is involved with.
You actually have some information that would be helpful to that project. When he asked about the
information, you lied and said you didn’t have it. You know that without this information, he's not going to
be able to do his best work on the project.
Now you may try to justify this with your belief that you are a person of integrity by saying, "It’s not my
responsibility to get this stuff for him; he could find it on his own. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, so why
should I give him this information?" Yet you know you've lied, which is not the right thing to do according
to your beliefs. You have the information, so you should be giving it to him. If you continue to justify your
behavior, there’s a good chance that you could escalate this potential conflict with your coworker.
Or you could decide to reject this cognition, this belief which is in dissonance with your core value, and
decide that you have to give him the information. You might say, "He could look better than me, and get
the promotion; however, I can’t continue to lie about the fact that I have this information."
 BIG IDEA
Whenever you have a belief, or cognition, that’s in conflict with one of your core values, you have the choice
to:
Integrate the belief

Justify the belief
Reject the belief
Integrating or justifying can potentially escalate a conflict, while rejecting the belief that's in disagreement with
a core value would likely de-escalate the conflict. This can occur in both minor and major conflicts.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned about cognitive dissonance, or what happens when we have thoughts and
beliefs that don’t match up with our core values. You now understand how cognitive dissonance
affects conflict. Every time we feel cognitive dissonance, whether it's for small things or larger issues,
how we choose to respond will either escalate or de-escalate the conflict.
TERMS TO KNOW

Cognition
A general term for evaluating, integrating, interpreting, etc. thoughts or beliefs.
Cognitive Dissonance
A state in which the mind holds two or more incompatible thoughts or beliefs.
The Amygdala and Fight/Flight Reaction
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss how the brain’s reaction to a perceived threat affects our behavior in a
conflict. The areas of focus include:
1. The Amygdala and the Fight/Flight Reaction
2. How Our Reactions Impact Conflict
1. The Amygdala and the Fight/Flight Reaction

When we're under stress, afraid, or upset, our bodies automatically react in certain ways. We've all felt this at
one time or another. This stress might also present itself in physical symptoms, such as:
Rapid heartbeat
Shallow breathing
Tense muscles
Sweating
There is actually a specific part of the brain called the amygdala that causes us to have such intense physical
reactions when we're upset or nervous.
The amygdala is a structure in the brain which interprets stimuli as either a threat or non-threat, and initiates
the fight or flight reaction.
This part of the brain, which is what allowed the earliest humans to survive, notices what athreat looks like. A
threat is a stimulus interpreted by the amygdala as harmful to an organism.
While the amygdala senses harm, it doesn’t do a good job of distinguishing between real and perceived
threats. In other words, it knows something is a threat, but it is not always accurate in determining how
dangerous it is.
 EXAMPLE This is why we could have the same automatic, physical reaction to simply sitting in a
conference room waiting to get up and give a speech as we would to being out in the wilderness trying to
defend ourselves against a wild animal.
When the amygdala perceives a threat, it initiates the fight or flight reaction, which is a condition in the
body that is caused by the release of adrenaline to prepare the body to either flee from or combat a
stimulus perceived as a threat by the amygdala.
Thus getting up and giving that speech is perceived as a threat in the same way as running from a bear
because of the release of adrenaline— a hormone that causes physical changes in the body during fight or
flight.
Again, this reaction is automatic. The amygdala prepares us for a real threat, whether it’s a wild animal, fire,
tornado, or meeting with the boss to talk about a new promotion.
We have these automatic reactions because the release of adrenaline causes the heart to beat faster, and
breathing to become more rapid; it causes more blood to come to the muscles so that we can run if we need
to.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Amygdala
A structure in the brain which interprets stimuli as threat or non-threat and initiates fight or flight reaction.
Fight or Flight Reaction

A condition in the body caused by the release of adrenaline, preparing the body to flee from or combat a
Threat
A stimulus interpreted by the amygdala as harmful to an organism.
Adrenaline
A hormone that causes physical changes in the body during the fight/flight reaction.
2. How Our Reactions Impact Conflict

Now that we know we react physically even if the threat isn't an imminent danger, it’s important to consider
how this can play out in conflict.
 THINK ABOUT IT
Recall the last time you had a conflict with somebody:
Did you feel like your heart started to beat faster?

Did your voice rise?
Did your breathing become more rapid or shallow?
Did you notice any other physical responses?
The amygdala has these consistent, physiological responses to conflict, or stressful situations; you had these
physical reactions because you were upset.
Being in the midst of these reactions can really affect:
Our perceptions
How we behave
Our ability to reason
Because the release of adrenaline is automatic, the amygdala’s perception of a threat can escalate a conflict.
 EXAMPLE Imagine multiple parties in a conflict, each going through his or her own fight or flight
process to what is upsetting him or her. If these reactions are left uncontrolled, or unregulated, they will
escalate the conflict.
 BIG IDEA
The amygdala is there to protect us against very real threats. If we are in imminent, physical danger, the body
gives us a rush of adrenaline so that we can flee or fight if need be.
However, because it automatically operates this way, the amygdala can’t tell the difference between real and
perceived threats. This is why we need to be aware of how our fight or flight reactions can alter our
perceptions of behavior and conflict.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned how the amygdala initiates a fight or flight reaction when it senses real or
perceived threats. Because this reaction is automatic, it is sometimes inaccurate. Thus it’s important to
remember how our reactions can affect conflict. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Adrenaline
A hormone that causes physical changes in the body during the fight/flight reaction.
Amygdala
A structure in the brain which interprets stimuli as threat or non-threat and initiates fight or flight
reaction.

A condition in the body caused by the release of adrenaline, preparing the body to flee from or
combat a stimulus perceived as a threat by the amygdala.
Threat
Quelling the Adrenaline Response
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

This lesson will take a closer look at the the brain’s adrenaline response to conflict. In particular, we’ll
discuss:
1. Difference Between Response and Reaction
2. Ways of Managing the Adrenaline Response
a. Breathing
b. Taking a Break
c. Considering Verbal and Nonverbal Responses
1. Difference Between Response and Reaction

As you learned in a previous lesson, when we're upset, we feel it both emotionally and physically in our
bodies. This is because of the amygdala, a structure in the brain which interprets stimuli as either a threat or
non-threat, and initiates a fight or flight reaction.
If you remember, a threat is a stimulus interpreted by the amygdala as harmful to an organism, and theflight or
fight reaction is a condition in the body caused by the release of adrenaline to prepare the body to flee from
or combat a stimulus perceived as a threat by the amygdala.
This adrenaline response puts our body on alert and causes physical reactions, such as:
Rapid heartbeat
Rapid breathing
Raised voice
It’s important to remember that these are called reactions. A reaction is a behavior which is not consciously
chosen, but is automatic and reflexive in a given context or in relation to a given stimulus.
 EXAMPLE Imagine you are in a conflict. The other person says something, and you flinch. You raise
your voice, begin to gesture, and pace. These things are automatic reactions, and you may not even
realize you're having them.
Rather than react in this automatic way, what we want to do is respond consciously. A response is behavior
towards a given stimulus or in a given context that is consciously chosen.
 BIG IDEA
The important distinction between a response and a reaction is that a reaction is unconscious, and a response
is conscious.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Amygdala
Threat
Reaction
Behavior which is not consciously chosen but is automatic/reflexive in a given context or in relation to a given
stimulus.
Response
Behavior towards a given stimulus or in a given context that is consciously chosen.
2. Ways of Managing the Adrenaline Response

There are some techniques that we can use in response to the amygdala’s release of adrenaline, and we call
them relaxation techniques.
As you probably know, relaxation is the elimination of unnecessary tension or activity in the body or mind. It’s
important to underscore that it's unnecessary tension or activity; you're not going to get rid of all tension.
If we’re in a conflict, we’re going to feel a bit of the tension with another party. But when we are reacting in
unconscious ways, there can be unnecessary tension and activity going on, and we want to control that. We
want to consciously respond in a way that quells the reactive response.
Thus when we talk about relaxing, we don’t mean just going limp; we mean a conscious way to respond to our
reactive tendencies.
 TERM TO KNOW
Relaxation
Elimination of unnecessary tension/activity in body or mind.
2a. Breathing
You’ve probably heard the phrase "Take a deep breath," and it's actually a very wise thing to do. Breathing is
one of the first steps that you can take to control yourself when you are having an upset reaction.
Typically, one of the things that happens during the fight or flight reaction is that the heart starts to beat faster
automatically. Slowing down our breathing can also slow down our heart rate since there's a physiological
connection between them.
When we’re no longer breathing fast and shallow, which is what we do when we're under stress, we stop and
notice our breath. Then we can consciously breathe in and breathe out slowly.
It will only be a matter of seconds before we notice our heart rate coming down; the deep breathing actually
stimulates a nerve in the autonomic nervous system which physiologically slows down the heart rate. Thus
there’s actually some science behind the phrase "Take a deep breath."
 HINT
It’s important to do the deep breathing from your stomach. By inhaling in from your stomach, you can feel the
breath coming all the way up as opposed to just breathing in a shallow manner from your chest.
2b. Taking a Break
Another phrase you may have heard is Just count to 10, and that's really just taking a break. Sometimes we
simply need to cool down; we might go for a walk, or tell the person we’re in conflict with that we need to call
him or her back.
By literally stepping away from the situation, we have a chance to take a deep breath and notice more
consciously what is actually happening.
2c. Considering Verbal and Nonverbal Responses
Once we take a break, we can then think a little more consciously about some ways of responding verbally
and nonverbally.
We can maybe consider lowering our voices because often when we're feeling stressed, our voices go up
higher and get louder. Lowering our voices consciously can make a difference not only in how we feel, but
also in the reactions someone else is going to have to us.
We can also notice our thoughts since the emotions we're now feeling probably started with some of the
thoughts we've had:
Are these thoughts negative?

Are they fearful?
This is where we can substitute a more positive, affirming thought.
 SUMMARY
In this lesson, you learned that the difference between a reaction and a response lies in the fact that a
reaction is unconscious while a response is conscious. You now understand that there are some ways
you can manage the fight or flight reaction’s adrenaline response. These relaxation techniques
include breathing, taking a break, and considering both verbal and nonverbal responses. Good luck!
 TERMS TO KNOW
Amygdala
A structure in the brain which interprets stimuli as threat or non- threat and initiates fight or flight
reaction.

Reaction
Behavior which is not consciously chosen but is automatic/reflexive in a given context or in relation to
a given stimulus.
Relaxation
Elimination of unnecessary tension/activity in body or mind.
Response
Threat
Raising the "Reaction Threshold"
by Sophia Tutorial
 WHAT'S COVERED
In this lesson, we’ll discuss how to prepare for situations that we know will be stressful. In the
particular, we’ll focus on:
1. The Reaction Threshold
2. Response Strategies for Raising the Reaction Threshold
a. Confidence
b. Rational Assessment
1. The Reaction Threshold

You learned in an earlier lesson that we have intense reactions, both physical and emotional, when we find
ourselves in a stressful situation. These reactions start with the amygdala— a structure in the brain which
interprets stimuli as either a threat or non-threat, and then initiates a fight or flight reaction.
This fight or flight reaction is a condition in the body caused by the release of adrenaline to prepare the body
to flee from or combat a stimulus perceived as a threat, or a stimulus interpreted by the amygdala as harmful
to an organism.
The amygdala can interpret something as harmful when it really isn't; the amygdala doesn't make distinctions,
and it doesn't look at the intensity of what it is we're facing.
 EXAMPLE Whether we’re sitting in a board room waiting to give a speech, or being chased by a bear
in the wilderness, the response in the body can feel the same.
When the amygdala sees a threat, we want to respond consciously; a response is a behavior toward a given
stimulus or in a given context that is consciously chosen.
Unfortunately, we often have a reaction when we find ourselves in a stressful situation; this is a behavior which
is not consciously chosen, but is automatic or reflexive in a given context or in relation to a given stimulus.
In order to teach the amygdala not to react in this way if the threat doesn’t warrant it, we need to consider the
reaction threshold— the level of potential threat necessary to trigger a fight or flight reaction for a given
person or organism in a given situation.
What we want to do is raise the reaction threshold so that it takes a higher level of threat for us to react
strongly.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Amygdala

Threat
Response
Reaction
Behavior which is not consciously chosen but is automatic/reflexive in a given context or in relation to a given
stimulus.
Reaction Threshold
For a given person/organism in a given situation, the level of potential threat necessary to trigger a fight/flight
reaction.
2. Response Strategies for Raising the Reaction

Threshold
2a. Confidence
One way to raise the reaction threshold is to increase confidence, or the belief that one can engage in a given
situation successfully by meeting needs or preventing loss and harm.
 EXAMPLE Many people have a fight or flight reaction when it comes to public speaking. This can
cause physiological reactions, such as:
Sweating
Loss of voice
Loss of memory
Rapid heartbeat
A method for raising the threshold here is to actually do more public speaking. A lot of people join
Toastmasters, which is a public speaking practice group that’s been very successful in raising the reaction
threshold for people who find public speaking stressful.
 EXAMPLE There's a lot of changing technology in the world that people are required to learn and
understand for their jobs. If you have a fear of new technology, you might find yourself freezing, or having
the fight or flight reaction.
Taking classes, or getting a tutor or mentor to help you actually practice using the technology will make it
feel more familiar to you. This will increase your confidence, raising the threshold level so you don’t feel
the reactions that typically occur when you are stressed, nervous, or afraid.
 EXAMPLE The method of increasing confidence can also work with a sport, such as skiing or
swimming. By facing your fear, you desensitize yourself to it so that the amygdala learns that it doesn't
need to react quite so defensively.
 TERM TO KNOW
Confidence
A belief that one can engage in a given situation successfully (e.g. by meeting needs or preventing loss/harm).
2b. Rational Assessment
It also helps to prepare rationally because when we behave in a certain way, the behavior comes from our
emotions, and the emotions come from our thoughts.
 EXAMPLE Before you give a presentation, you might think things like, "I'm really going to be awful
when I get up there to give that speech. I think I'll forget what I'm going to say. I know my heart's going to
beat really quickly; I'll look foolish."
Those thoughts spiral into negative emotions, and you begin to feel nervous; when you stand up to give
the presentation, you might begin to sweat and forget what you were going to say. This is a downward
spiral that starts with thoughts, which lead to emotions, which then lead to behavior.
Instead, you can step back and rationally assess the situation, perhaps by substituting some of your
negative thoughts with positive ones, or visualizing yourself doing a good job. Doing this will desensitize
you to the situation that you’re finding stressful, and thus raise the reaction threshold.
 SUMMARY
In this lesson, you learned about the reaction threshold, and how it determines the way we
immediately react to a perceived threat. You now understand that there are response strategies for
raising the reaction threshold in order to handle stressful situations more easily.These strategies
include increasing confidence and assessing the situation rationally. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Amygdala
A structure in the brain which interprets stimuli as threat or non- threat and initiates fight or flight
reaction.
Confidence
A belief that one can engage in a given situation successfully (e.g. by meeting needs or preventing
loss/harm).

Reaction
Behavior which is not consciously chosen but is automatic/reflexive in a given context or in relation to
a given stimulus.
Reaction Threshold
For a given person/organism in a given situation, the level of potential threat necessary to trigger a
fight/flight reaction.
Response
Threat
Security, Confidence, and Courage
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll continue to discuss ways of mitigating the fight or flight reaction. Two areas of
focus include:
1. How Courage Leads to Security and Confidence
2. Security and Confidence in the Conflict Resolution Process
1. How Courage Leads to Security and

Confidence
We often dread situations that require us to have difficult conversations with someone; however, there are
ways of becoming more comfortable in these instances.
As you know, confidence is the belief that one can engage in a given situation successfully by meeting needs
or preventing loss and harm.
Security, on the other hand, is the feeling that one is not exposed to a threat. When we feel like we're being
exposed to a threat, whether real or perceived, we have natural physiological reactions that occur in our
bodies.
These reactions are caused by the release of adrenaline, and they may include:
Rapid heartbeat
Shallow breathing
Distraughtness
Irrationality
Fear
All of these things happen automatically, but there are some techniques to increase security and confidence
when we're feeling this way, or even before we're feeling this way.
These techniques all start with courage, or the willingness to engage with a threat. No matter what the threat
is, we need to have this willingness to engage with it.
 EXAMPLE Let’s say you have a fear of public speaking. A way of engaging with this threat might be
joining Toastmasters, where you have to stand up every week or every couple of weeks, and actually give
a speech. This would be helpful in terms of facing your fear.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Confidence
A belief that one can engage in a given situation successfully (e.g. by meeting needs or preventing loss/harm).
Security
A feeling that one is not exposed to threat.
Courage
A willingness to engage with a threat.
2. Security and Confidence in the Conflict
Resolution Process
Once we have the willingness to engage with a threat, there are some other techniques that we can use
before we enter into a difficult conversation with someone with whom we're in conflict.
As we discussed in an earlier lesson, we want to prepare rationally for what we are entering into, which
means we need to focus on the facts. It's very hard to do this when we have adrenaline rushing through our
system and causing various physical reactions.
Therefore, we may need to:
Step back
Breathe
Calm down
These are helpful in order to think realistically about what there is to gain, and what there is to lose in the
conflict at hand. This way, we’re not exaggerating the possible outcomes, or getting defensive about what we
think the other person is going to do.
 HINT
It can actually help to go through this process with someone in order to talk out the situation and think about
what can realistically be expected as an outcome.
It's also helpful to focus on past successes; remember that the next time you have to have a difficult
conversation with someone. Focusing on past successes will help you visualize success in the conversation
that you have coming up.
In the conflict resolution process, the mediator’s goal is to help the parties increase their sense of security and
confidence simply by being part of the process.
The process is transparent, which means it's open, and everybody knows what's going on. Everything is said
in the presence of the other parties and the mediator, so each party can lay out his or her:
Expectations
Goals
Needs
Each person is empowered to speak for him or herself, and then listen to the others do the same.
 BIG IDEA
Conflict resolution is a process that allows people to:
Speak to one another

Vent feelings
Look at expectations
Consider needs
Set realistic goals
It's possible to increase security and confidence when we’re heading into a conflict, but in order to do this, we
need to recognize that adrenaline can get in the way. We need to take steps to quell our physiological
reactions so that we can prepare for and consider the situation rationally before stepping into it.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned how courage can lead to security and confidence by providing a
willingness to engage with a threat, whether that threat is real or perceived. You now understand the
role of security and confidence in the conflict resolution process. The process itself aims to provide
the parties with a safe way to express their concerns and work toward their goals. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Confidence
A belief that one can engage in a given situation successfully (e.g. by meeting needs or preventing
loss/harm).
Courage
A willingness to engage with a threat.
Security
A feeling that one is not exposed to threat.
Anger in Conflict
by Sophia Tutorial
 WHAT'S COVERED
In this lesson, we will discuss the role of anger in conflict. The specific areas of focus include:
1. Non-Constructive Anger
a. Blaming
b. Passive-Aggression
2. Constructive Anger
a. Venting
3. Primary and Secondary Emotions in Conflict Resolution
1. Non-Constructive Anger
Anger is a very powerful emotion, and it can also be a scary emotion; therefore, many people are
uncomfortable with exactly how to deal with anger.
We all know what anger feels like; we've all been angry, and had that feeling of adrenaline pumping through
us when we react.
We’ll often react in a couple of different ways that may not be constructive; this is because anger is an
emotion associated with aggressive behavior that is related to a triggering event.
 TERM TO KNOW
Anger
An emotion associated with aggressive behavior associated with a triggering event.
1a. Blaming
One way that the aggressive response might manifest itself is in blaming behavior, or attributing a negative
condition for oneself to another's actions or inactions.
 EXAMPLE Something's happened, you are experiencing it negatively, and you consider it the other
person's fault. You may say things like, "You always do this," or "You never do it right."
Or you may label: "Look at this mess. You're a pig. How can you live like this? I can't imagine why you did
that. How could you be so stupid?" If you've ever been on the receiving end, then you know these
statements can really feel like direct punches.
 TERM TO KNOW
Blaming
Attributing a negative condition for oneself to another's actions or inactions.
1b. Passive-Aggression
There’s another non-constructive, but less direct way that we express anger. This is called beingpassive-
aggressive, and it’s a category of interpersonal interactions characterized by hostility or attempts to obstruct
or frustrate another person.
Oftentimes, this is an expression of aggression in a very non-assertive, subtle, passive, indirect way.
 EXAMPLE You have probably heard or even said things like, "Well, if you're so smart, then why don't
you just go do it?" or "It's not my problem. Why should I care?" You can hear the anger in these statements,
but it’s indirect, which can be very frustrating for a person on the receiving end.
Thus when anger is expressed this way, the person on the receiving end typically responds in a defensive
manner, and the conflict escalates.
 THINK ABOUT IT
Consider the last time you were angry. You may or may not have made a blaming or passive-aggressive
statement. It's very easy to do; we're all human. Now think about being on the receiving end of a statement
like that:
How did it feel?

What happened to the issue at hand?
You probably felt like you were being attacked. The original topic of the conflict disappears, and suddenly it’s
about you personally.
 TERM TO KNOW
Passive-Aggressive
Category of interpersonal interactions characterized by hostility or attempts to obstruct/frustrate another;
expression of aggression in non-assertive, subtle (i.e. passive or indirect) ways.
2. Constructive Anger
Most people are uncomfortable with anger because it can quickly escalate a conflict; however, anger is an
emotion that needs expression, and it can be expressed in a constructive way.
2a. Venting
One constructive way of expressing anger is venting. Venting is the acknowledgment of the emotion of anger,
and its causes and reasons, in a non-blaming way.
You can do this by using “I” statements because “I” statements really take ownership of the emotion.
 EXAMPLE You come home to find that your roommate has left a mess. You feel like your wishes don't
matter, so you acknowledge that by saying, "Okay, these are feelings that I have. Seeing the mess is what
caused me to have these feelings." You didn't blame; instead, you simply reported your feelings. That’s an
example of constructive venting.
 BIG IDEA
In the conflict resolution process, it's important for the conflict resolver to acknowledge anger regardless of
how someone expresses it.
We don't have control over how people express their anger, so we need to acknowledge that the parties
have anger, and agree on some strategies for handling the anger so that both parties feel safe.
 TERM TO KNOW
Venting
Expressing the feeling of anger in a non-blaming way, acknowledging the emotion of anger and its
causes/reasons.
3. Primary and Secondary Emotions in Conflict

Resolution
When anger is being expressed during the conflict resolution process, the mediator needs to acknowledge
both the anger and the feelings behind it.
Anger is thus called a secondary emotion because even though it may be expressed and displayed as the
most prominent feeling, many times it's not.
A secondary emotion is present when two or more emotions are felt; it's the emotion that’s less important to
the experience, though it may be the emotion most prominently displayed.
Underneath that emotion, there is a primary emotion, or the emotion that is most important to the person
experiencing it.
 EXAMPLE A person may come into the resolution process expressing anger, but underneath that
anger is a primary emotion, maybe a stronger emotion that isn't being expressed quite as loudly or
prominently.
This emotion could be hurt, sadness, embarrassment, etc. By first acknowledging the anger, the conflict-
resolver can get to the primary emotion by asking questions such as:
What did you do?

Can you tell me about what happened when you reached the boiling point?
Is it what was said that caused you to react that way?
This way, the mediator is both acknowledging and asking questions that go beyond the anger.
 BIG IDEA
It's important to uncover primary emotions because they are at the heart of what the real conflict is about.
Until you get to the real feelings, you won’t be able to solve the conflict or come to an agreement that
satisfies both parties.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Secondary Emotion
When two or more emotions are felt, the emotion less important to the experience (though may be the
emotion most prominently displayed).
Primary Emotion
When two or more emotions are felt, the emotion which is most important to the person experiencing the
emotions.
 SUMMARY
In this lesson, you learned that anger can be expressed in non-constructive ways (such as blaming
and passive-aggression) as well as constructive ways (such as venting). You now understand that
anger is often a secondary emotion; even though it can be the emotion most prominently displayed,
there is usually a primary emotion beneath it that is more relevant to the conflict. Good luck!
 TERMS TO KNOW
Anger
An emotion associated with aggressive behavior associated with a triggering event.
Blaming
Attributing a negative condition for oneself to another's actions or inactions.
Passive-Aggressive
Category of interpersonal interactions characterized by hostility or attempts to obstruct/frustrate
another; expression of aggression in non-assertive, subtle (i.e. passive or indirect) ways.
Primary Emotion
When two or more emotions are felt, the emotion which is most important to the person experiencing
the emotions.
Secondary Emotion
When two or more emotions are felt, the emotion less important to the experience (though may be
the emotion most prominently displayed).
Venting
Expressing the feeling of anger in a non-blaming way, acknowledging the emotion of anger and its
causes/reasons.
The Comfort Zone and Resistance to Change
by Sophia Tutorial
 WHAT'S COVERED
In this lesson, we will discuss how resistance to change can impact the conflict resolution process.
The areas of focus include:
1. The Comfort Zone
2. Fears That Prevent Change
a. Fear of Upsetting Others
b. Fear of the Unknown
c. Fear of Failure
d. Fear of Success
3. Effect of Fear on the Conflict Resolution Process
1. The Comfort Zone

The term comfort zone conjures up feelings of a place that's comfortable, but that's not always what it means.
The comfort zone is the range of situations and feelings that a person is accustomed to. It’s simply something
that we've grown used to, not necessarily something that’s comfortable.
In fact, we may resist moving out of a situation that is quite uncomfortable just because we have a fear, or any
number of fears, about what change or something new will look like.
 TERM TO KNOW
Comfort Zone
The range of situations, feelings, etc that a person is accustomed to.
2. Fears That Prevent Change

There are several kinds of fears that can get in the way and keep us in our comfort zone even when we know,
somewhere inside of ourselves, that a change would be positive.
2a. Fear of Upsetting Others
The first fear is the fear of upsetting others, or a perception that one's actions will cause pain to others, and
thus cause emotional harm to the self.
 EXAMPLE Let’s say you’ve been in a relationship for years, and you are uncomfortable and unhappy
in this relationship. But you share friends and do activities with this person. Perhaps there are children
involved. So you don’t leave; you don't consider making a change because you’re afraid of hurting others.
 EXAMPLE You are living somewhere where you can’t find work, but you grew up here. It's your
hometown, and in many ways you like it. Even though it’s not working for you, you’re afraid to leave.
You’re afraid to move somewhere larger, maybe a larger city where you could find work, because you
don't want to upset your family and friends who also live here.This can be a strong fear that keeps you in
your comfort zone.
 TERM TO KNOW
Fear of Upsetting Others

A perception that one's actions will cause pain to others and thus cause emotional harm to the self.
2b. Fear of the Unknown
In either of those scenarios, someone might also stay put because of a fear of the unknown, or a perception
that undertaking a task will expose one to threatening situations.
 EXAMPLE Let’s return to the relationship situation. You might think, "If I leave this relationship, what's
going to happen to me? I haven't been on my own for years. I don't know if I'll be able to take care of
myself." You might have a fear of what the unknown will look like. Staying in the relationship, as
dissatisfying as that is, feels safer than jumping into what you don't know.
 EXAMPLE The same may be true about moving out of the town you live in. You may not want to move
across the country because you're not sure if you're going to expose yourself to some threatening
situations: "I don't know what it will be like to live in a larger city. I don't know if it will work for me." This is
how fear of the unknown can keep us in our comfort zone.
 TERM TO KNOW
Fear of the Unknown

A perception that undertaking a task will expose one to threatening situations.
2c. Fear of Failure
The fear of failure is a perception that not succeeding in a task will harm the self in tangible or emotional ways.
 EXAMPLE There’s a new job you would like to apply for, but you think, "I don't know if I can do this.
I'm afraid I might fail, and then I'll be embarrassed. It just won't work; I don't think I have the skills." This fear
of failure might prevent you from applying for the job.
 EXAMPLE You have number of friends who like to go skiing, but you're afraid you’ll fail at this. You
might think, "I’m not very good at sports. What if I break my leg? I'm afraid." Because you’re afraid you’ll
embarrass yourself by failing, you might decide you’re not going to try this new sport. This is how the fear
of failure can hold you back.
 TERM TO KNOW
Fear of Failure
A perception that not succeeding in a task will harm the self in tangible or emotional ways.
2d. Fear of Success
Fear of success, on the other hand, is a perception that actually succeeding at something will harm the self in
a tangible or emotional way.
Fear of success might seem like a counterintuitive concept because success is considered to be something
that everybody wants. But if you step back and think about it, fear of success is not that unusual.
 EXAMPLE Consider the new job scenario. You might think about what your life will look like if you get
the job. There are going to be a lot of new responsibilities and challenges: "I'm afraid of this success. Am I
going to be able to keep up? Will this change my social circle? Am I good enough for this? Can I really do
this?" Sometimes the fear of success and the fear of failure go back and forth in a situation like this.
 EXAMPLE Fear of success can also present itself in young people. Let’s say you’re a teacher, and
there’s a child in your class who's very bright, but he’s just not studying or getting good grades.
This child knows if he exhibits good study habits, he might be looked upon as a “nerd” or a “geek” by a
group of his peers that doesn’t want to be associated with the smart kids in school. Because of peer
pressure and the perception that succeeding will in some way harm him emotionally, this child prefers not
to succeed.
 TERM TO KNOW
Fear of Success
A perception that succeeding at something will harm the self in tangible or emotional ways.
3. Effect of Fear on the Conflict Resolution

Process
Any or all of these types of fears can come into play during the conflict resolution process.
 EXAMPLE When you’re sitting with someone, and there's a solution on the table, you might have a
fear of the unknown if you're being asked to make some sort of change; this proposed change could also
incite a fear of success or failure. Or perhaps the change is going to affect others, and you're afraid of
upsetting them.
When two parties are hesitating because of a decision or an agreement that is being discussed, the role of
the conflict-resolver is to ask questions that both acknowledge the parties’ fears and help shed light on what
their perceptions of the resolution are.
By drawing people out to look at the resistance that might be happening in the conflict resolution process
because of one or more of these fears, the mediator can help the parties address why the comfort zone
seems more comfortable than making the change.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned that the comfort zone is not always a place of comfort, but rather a state of
familiarity that we can get stuck in because of fears that prevent change, such as the fear of upsetting
others, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, and fear of success. You now understand the effect that
fear has on the conflict resolution process. The parties need to confront and understand the reasons
for their fears so that they can agree on and embrace a change that might be part of the resolution.
Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Comfort Zone
The range of situations, feelings, etc that a person is accustomed to.
Fear of Failure
A perception that not succeeding in a task will harm the self in tangible or emotional ways.
Fear of Success
A perception that succeeding at something will harm the self in tangible or emotional ways.
Fear of Upsetting Others

A perception that one's actions will cause pain to others and thus cause emotional harm to the self.
Fear of the Unknown
A perception that undertaking a task will expose one to threatening situations.
Emotion as a Motivator/Demotivator for Conflict
Resolution
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss how we as human beings tend to seek out pleasurable emotions while
avoiding painful ones. More specifically, we’ll look at:
1. Pleasure/Pain Motivation
2. Role of Emotion in Conflict Resolution
1. Pleasure/Pain Motivation
People are motivated by a variety of factors; if we look at all the factors and distill them into two things, those
two things would be pleasure and pain.
This pleasure/pain motivation, or tendency to seek things which give us pleasure while avoiding things which
cause us pain, is the most basic way of describing human motivation.
We all seek out emotional experiences that give us positive feelings, such as:
Happiness
Confidence
Satisfaction
Gratefulness
Contentment
At the same time, we attempt to avoid emotional experiences that give us negative feelings, such as:
Annoyance
Anger
Sadness
Fear
Helplessness
Desperation
 EXAMPLE In order to feel good, we do things like spend time with loved ones, or we might
accomplish things, such as hobbies like gardening or building something. Sometimes to feel better, we do
things that are a little unpleasurable, like household chores.
You may hate vacuum cleaning, for instance, but you probably feel good when you finish vacuuming
because the floors are clean. This is how we tend to move toward accomplishing things that we know will
give us pleasurable feelings.
 TERM TO KNOW
Pleasure/Pain Motivation
The most basic way of describing human motivation -- a tendency to seek to obtain things which give
pleasure and avoid things which cause pain.
2. Role of Emotion in Conflict Resolution
When two parties come into a conflict resolution session, the emotions they’re feeling are probably more
negative than positive; however, they've agreed to come in good faith and sit down with each other to resolve
the conflict.
This process can encourage people to move towards resolution by allowing them to experience their needs
being met, which will lead to more pleasurable emotions.
One of the first things to happen in a conflict resolution session is that each party gets a chance to speak and
be heard. The very process of being allowed to speak and share his or her experience in the situation can
move someone from feeling helpless or desperate towards feeling satisfied or hopeful.
As part of the process, the person who has spoken will also be listening to the other party. This can also
create movement because the party who is now listening may be hearing this other perspective for the first
time.
Hearing the other side allows each party to gain a better understanding of each other’s:
Positions
Interests
Needs
This can move the parties from feeling mad to a little more satisfied or content because each person has a
clearer view of what’s motivating the other person.
As you learned in an earlier lesson, every little agreement that the parties reach gives them an opportunity to
move closer to accomplishing their goals. Whenever a need is met, whether it be small or large, there's a new
movement away from negative emotions, and towards positive emotions.
 BIG IDEA
Emotion is a positive and powerful motivator, as we want to move towards things that feel pleasurable to us.
This is why the conflict resolution process in and of itself is designed to give people opportunities to move
away from more painful emotions, and toward more pleasurable emotions when they:
Listen to each other

Are heard by each other
See their needs being met
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned that the most basic way to describe what motivates us as humans is
through the pleasure/pain motivation, which is our tendency to seek things which give us pleasure
while avoiding things which cause us pain. You now understand the role of emotion in conflict
resolution. Because emotion is a powerful motivator, the resolution process is designed to move both
parties toward more positive emotions by allowing them to experience their needs being met. Good
luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Pleasure/Pain Motivation
The most basic way of describing human motivation -- a tendency to seek to obtain things which give
pleasure and avoid things which cause pain.
Emotions as Signposts
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll continue our discussion of the role emotions play in the conflict resolution
process. The specific areas of focus include:
1. Expressing vs. Experiencing Emotions
2. Addressing Emotions in Conflict Resolution
1. Expressing vs. Experiencing Emotions

When we are in a conflict situation, our emotions are good indicators of whether or not we perceive our needs
as being met. In this way, emotions can be signposts, or indicators of a need or interest in the form of a
display of emotion.
As you know, each person expresses emotion differently. Some people are more demonstrative in the way
they express things, and others are less so; however, everyone tends to feel things deeply.
Whether or not they express it, people may be feeling one emotion more deeply than another, depending on
its significance to them. This concept is called the intensity of emotion, or the degree to which a given
emotion is felt or experienced by a person.
It’s important to emphasize that this intensity is in regards to how strongly someone is feeling or experiencing
the emotion, not how visibly they express it.
IN CONTEXT
We probably all know people who are very demonstrative in the way they express their emotions:
"Oh, it's fabulous. This was great. It's the best thing ever."
Other people might be feeling great about something, but they’ll express it less strongly: "Well, it
was pretty good." If you know them well, you might understand that when these people say pretty
good, they mean fabulous.
Whether an emotion is negative or positive, different people may use different words to express it even if
what they’re feeling is the same.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Signpost
Regarding conflict resolution and emotion, an indicator of a need or interest in the form of a display of
emotion.
Intensity of Emotion
The degree to which a given emotion is felt/experienced by a person.
2. Addressing Emotions in Conflict Resolution

In the conflict resolution process, the role of the conflict-resolver is to look at these emotions as signposts in
order to see what the real, underlying needs in the conflict are.
 EXAMPLE Someone who is demonstrative might have an outburst of some sort during the conflict
resolution process. This outburst could be yelling, crying, expressing alarm, etc. The person is expressing
his or her emotions strongly, so the mediator needs to acknowledge this expression of emotion in order to
get to what's underneath it. Questions can be helpful with this:
It sounds like you were very nervous at that point, so what did you do?
That sounds really important to you; can you tell me more about it?
What led you to say that?
By asking these questions, the conflict-resolver is acknowledging the emotions and indicating to the party
that he or she as the mediator is present and wants to hear more about what’s happening.
The answers to questions asked by the conflict-resolver may then reveal other emotions that have not yet
been expressed, but are important signposts in terms of what the party’s real need or interest is.
 EXAMPLE There might be somebody in the conflict resolution process who is not expressing emotion.
This is person is silent, and maybe can't find the right words.
In this case, the conflict resolver might ask the following questions:
How does this concern you?

How did that make you feel?
What matters most to you here?
By asking this person about his or her experience, the mediator can draw out someone who is not
expressing emotions as readily or intensely as someone else might be.
 BIG IDEA
It’s important to address all the emotions in the room so that a more demonstrative person doesn’t
automatically get more airtime than someone who is more reserved.
The conflict-resolver should acknowledge that there may be different emotions present, and allow everyone
to speak so that the real needs and interests at the root of the conflict can become evident.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned the difference between expressing and experiencing emotion. While our
emotions can be signposts revealing our needs and interests, some people may not express these
emotions as readily as others, even though they may experience the emotions just as strongly. You
now understand that when addressing emotions during the conflict resolution process, it’s important
for the conflict-resolver to acknowledge and draw out all the emotions present so that each party can
be heard. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Intensity of Emotion
The degree to which a given emotion is felt/experienced by a person.
Signpost
Regarding conflict resolution and emotion, an indicator of a need or interest in the form of a display of
emotion.
Emotional Volume
by Sophia Tutorial
 WHAT'S COVERED
In this lesson, we’ll learn how the intensity of an emotional display is different from the intensity of an
emotion itself by discussing:
1. Emotional Volume
2. Emotional Volume in Conflict Resolution
1. Emotional Volume
Emotions are unpredictable, and they can sometimes feel elusive to the point that we don't even know what
we're feeling.
However, emotions are key to getting at the real needs that parties bring into a conflict. When considering
these emotions, we must also consider emotional volume , or the intensity with which an emotion is expressed.
We all display emotions differently; not all of us express even intense emotions like anger or sadness in the
same way.
IN CONTEXT
When some people are sad or grieving, they may cry and become very emotional. Other people may
retreat and just become silent. It doesn't mean they're feeling the sadness any less; they simply have
a different means of expressing it.
Anger is the same way. When some people are angry, can become volatile and perhaps exhibit
blaming behavior. Others may turn the anger inward and become depressed, or maybe a little more
passive-aggressive in the way they express what they're feeling.
While those are extremes, people express positive and negative emotions differently even in more moderate
circumstances.
 EXAMPLE You have a friend who just returned from a vacation, and he appears elated because he’s
very effusive in the way he talks about the wonderful time he had. Another friend may return from a
vacation, and have had just as good a time, but she’s more contained in the way she express her feelings.
All of us express things differently, and we're capable of experiencing multiple emotions at the same time.
 EXAMPLE Imagine you are about to make a big decision, such as buying a home. You probably feel
very excited about buying this home, but in the next moment you might feel scared.
Those seem like contradictory emotions, but fear and excitement can be like two sides of the same coin.
Both have energy involved, and they can flip back and forth: "I'm so excited about this home. I can't
believe what I did. Can I afford to pay for it?"
At other times, we may feel that we have a series of emotions, almost like a journey or a thread. We might
start with anger, but underneath that there's sadness, and then there's hurt, then loneliness or fear.
As we follow and experience all of those emotions, perhaps after an event such as the death of a loved one,
we realize that our emotions are fluid; they can and will often change.
 TERM TO KNOW
Emotional Volume
The intensity with which an emotion is expressed.
2. Emotional Volume in Conflict Resolution

Because our emotions are fluid, the emotion that we are expressing with the most volume in whatever way we
express it might not be at the heart of what we're really feeling. It’s key to recognize this in a conflict resolution
setting.
In other words, the emotion that a party expresses the loudest may not necessarily be the emotion that is
really the most intense for that person.
If you are a conflict-resolver, it is your role to help the parties:
Explore what they're feeling

Name the emotion(s)
Express the emotion(s)
This may mean taking a moment at the beginning of the process to acknowledge the emotion that's being
displayed with the most intensity.
This emotion could be anger, fear, grief, or anything else; acknowledging that emotion by perhaps asking
questions to explore it with the party may help you find that other emotions exist behind the loudest one.
 EXAMPLE You are resolving a conflict in which a family is arguing over what to do with heirlooms.
There's been a death in the family; family members are dividing things up, and there's anger over how this
is being handled, and who's getting what.
This is the presenting issue, but as you begin to talk to these family members, there are other issues that
come through. Underneath the anger, there are hurt feelings that have stemmed from some of the
interactions.
There may be embarrassment on the part of some, and there may be sadness or even fear. Any of those
emotions may be underneath the anger, and any one of them can be the emotion that's most intense for
an individual, and thus needs the most attention.
 BIG IDEA
As a conflict resolver, you are there to acknowledge, be present, and help parties explore what it is they're
feeling, knowing that the emotion in the room with the most volume may not necessarily be the emotion with
the most intensity for the person who's experiencing it.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned that emotional volume is the intensity with which an emotion is expressed,
but not necessarily the intensity with which it is felt. You now understand how emotional volume is
involved in the conflict resolution process. It is the the conflict-resolver’s job to acknowledge all the
emotions in the room and understand that the loudest emotion may not be the most important or
intense one for the person expressing it.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Emotional Volume
The intensity with which an emotion is expressed.
The Need for Relationships
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we will discuss relationships as a basic human need by looking at:
1. Importance of Relationships
2. Interdependence and the Strength of Relationships
1. Importance of Relationships
The parties in a conflict are always part of some sort ofrelationship, or a group of two or more that shares a
sense of interdependence formed around:
Common goals
Values
Shared experiences
Because we are all social beings, we have an inherent need to relate to others; it's in our very genetic code
that we need to live in groups in order to survive in nature.
These groups could be:
Family groups
Tribal groups
Community groups
In these groups, our shared experiences, goals, and values are what bind us together, even on a national
level.
IN CONTEXT
As Americans, we feel that we have a relationship with our fellow citizens that manifests itself within
our communities, with our friends, and of course with our families.
We have different kinds of relationships, but they all develop from ongoing shared experiences:
When in school, we may meet friends and form relationships with them; if we’re raising children, we
might form relationships with other families who have children; at work, we form relationships with
the people we're collaborating on projects with.
All the different places we go in our lives, from community clubs to places of worship, bring us into contact
with people with whom we form relationships.
 TERM TO KNOW
Relationship
Groups of two or more that share a sense of interdependence formed around common goals, values, and
shared experiences.
2. Interdependence and the Strength of

Relationships
Out of these relationships then comes an interdependence, or a state in which each member of a relationship
is mutually dependent on the others.
This reliance and responsibility can be:
Emotional
Economical
Ecological
Moral
We come to feel a sense of mutual responsibility for one another; this sense of interdependence is really
based on the positive relationships we have with one another.
The more experiences we share together, or the more long-term the relationship is, the more we experience a
sense of belonging together. We feel that we have to care for one another, as our mutual interests are in each
other's welfare and needs.
 EXAMPLE When there's been a natural disaster or community tragedy, people bind together as
citizens to help one another work through it.
 EXAMPLE Of course we also see it very close to home in our own families. We say we'd do anything
to protect our families, and we become dependent on people in the community, such as members of the
police and fire departments, to help protect us as well.
Thus these dependencies form within:
Our communities
Our families
Larger society
The more shared experiences we have, the more we're willing to go to bat for one another, or to really seek
to help someone meet his or her welfare and needs.
 EXAMPLE In some cases, this may mean we'll go to war to protect our country because we feel a
strong need to defend the relationship we have with our fellow citizens, and the right to live in this country.
On a larger level, we feel interdependence as the need to protect these mutual interests, but we certainly also
feel it on a personal level in the need to protect our families.
 TERM TO KNOW
Interdependence
A state in which each member of a relationship is mutually dependent on the others (e.g. emotionally,
economically, ecologically and/or morally reliant on and responsible to each other).
 BIG IDEA
Relationships are key to who we are in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, as they fall right into the category of love
and belonging. We all have a very strong need to feel connected to one another; these connections are
based on the interdependence we feel with one another, whether it be on a very close level (familial) or on a
larger scale (societal).
 SUMMARY
In this lesson, you learned the importance of relationships as a basic human need. We form
relationships with our families, friends, and communities through a sense of shared experiences and
values. You now understand that the more shared experiences we have in a relationship, the more
we feel a sense of interdependence that strengthens the relationship and manifests itself in the need
to protect the interests of the other members of the relationship. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Interdependence
Relationship
Groups of two or more that share a sense of interdependence formed around common goals, values,
and shared experiences.
The Range of Relationships
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss the various types of relationships we form in our lives. The specific areas
of focus include:
1. Elements and Value of Relationships
2. Familial Relationships
3. Social Relationships
1. Elements and Value of Relationships

As you learned in a previous lesson, a relationship is a group of two or more that share a sense of
interdependence formed around:
Common goals
Values
Shared experiences
Out of these relationships comes interdependence, or a state in which each member of a relationship is
mutually dependent on the others.
This dependence can be:
Emotional
Economical
Ecological
Moral
Any or all of these are ways that members of a relationship are reliant on and responsible to each other.
When you consider the relationships you have in your life, they probably include:
Friends
Family members
Neighbors
Coworkers
Social group/club members
You form relationships in all of these contexts, but the way you view these relationships and the value you
attribute to them might be a little bit different than the way other people you know value their relationships.
However, relationships can be considered in terms of four elements:
Intensity
Obligation
Privilege
Emotion
 TERMS TO KNOW
Relationship
Groups of two or more that share a sense of interdependence formed around common goals, values, and
shared experiences.
Interdependence
economically, ecologically, and/or morally reliant on and responsible to each other).
2. Familial Relationships
We all have families, but the way we view familial relationships can differ depending on our specific
circumstances.
 EXAMPLE A lot of people think of their families -- particularly their immediate families -- as a
relationship where there's a lot of strong emotion or intensity; there can also be a sense of obligation.
These people may even feel privilege in the sense that they always have the option go home. These
elements can extend outward to a particular relative, such as a favorite uncle, grandparent, or cousin.
 EXAMPLE There are also people who do not have those feelings about their families. There may be
some estrangement or conflict, so there isn’t a sense of strong emotion or privilege in those particular
family dynamics.
These people may find that they have a stronger sense of intensity and emotion with friends. Friends might
become substitute families, depending on the length of the friendships. Acquaintances are more on the
outer circle, but friends that people have known all their lives have the ability to replace family.
3. In Social Relationships
These differences also occur in the way we value our relationships socially.
 EXAMPLE For some people, the relationships that originate from places of worship can be filled with a
large sense of obligation. These relationships might be very important to these people, carrying strong
emotion and intensity. For other people, this may not be the case.
 EXAMPLE Think about coworkers. If you've worked really hard on a big project with your team
members, chances are you've deepened the intensity and emotion in these relationships. You probably
also feel a strong sense of obligation; you don't want to let them down. The value placed on relationships
with coworkers might not be as high for somebody else in a different work situation.
 BIG IDEA
We all have a wide range of relationships that come from many different experiences and contexts. While
relationships are important to all of us, we value them in different ways, depending on our experiences with
the individuals in our lives.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned about the elements and value of relationships, particularly in regards to
familial relationships and social relationships . You now understand that while all relationships are
considered in terms of intensity, obligation, privilege, and emotion, the value placed on these
relationships can differ from person to person, depending on his or her experiences with others.
Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Interdependence
Relationship
Groups of two or more that share a sense of interdependence formed around common goals, values,
and shared experiences.
Trust, Credibility, and Authority
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss how our relationships play a big role in helping us decide who to trust. In
particular, we’ll focus on:
1. Trust and Its Variants
a. Credibility
b. Authority
2. Attribution Bias
3. Trust in Conflict
1. Trust and Its Variants

Trust is an expectation that an individual will act in a positive way toward other members of the relationship,
based on an assessment of previous behavior.
This assessment of previous behavior is key; we decide who to trust based on what we observe about that
person.
IN CONTEXT
You can't go up to people you just met and say, “You can trust me.” They aren't going to take you at
face value; they're going to say, “Who are you, and why should I trust you?” In fact, it might lead them
not to trust you should you approach them like that. People are instead going to observe how you
behave at work and in social situations, and then come to their own determinations about you.
If they haven't seen you behave, perhaps if you’re in a new position at work, they're going to depend
on the stories of others: What do other people say about you either in terms of your work record or
in a social situation? What do your friends and your neighbors say about you?
Either what we observe or what we hear from others is going to help us determine our level of trust.
 TERM TO KNOW
Trust
An expectation that an individual will act in positive ways towards other members of the relationship, based
on assessment of previous behavior.
1a. Credibility
One of the variants of trust is credibility in relationships, which is a perception that an individual has adequate
knowledge and an inclination to honesty regarding particular actions or statements.
Thus we believe people are credible in terms of what they do or say. Relationships play an important role in
our decision of who is credible.
 EXAMPLE Let’s say you need to hire a handyman. You’re looking through the paper, and trying to
make some decisions. Then you ask your neighbor, who says, “Oh, Joe's great. I know him; you can trust
him.
Your neighbor's word here is probably worth more than anything you're going to see in the ads about
people you don't know. You can trust your neighbor’s opinion because you trust your neighbor.
 EXAMPLE We can also see this in social media. On LinkedIn, many people network in order to get
jobs, recommendations, or referrals. Or there’s the traditional style of networking in which you go to an
event, and you meet people and give out your business card.
All of these are examples of relationships that we're building; credibility is related to trust, which is related to
our relationships.
 TERM TO KNOW
Credibility
In relationships, a perception that an individual has adequate knowledge and an inclination to honesty
regarding particular actions or statements.
2b. Authority
Authority can be defined in relationships as a recognition that a member of the relationship is empowered to
fill particular roles or perform particular tasks. You want somebody that you feel you can trust in a particular
role of authority.
 EXAMPLE Let's say you're looking for a new doctor. You may check out what recommendations are
online for a particular physician, but more often, you probably just ask someone that you know: “I'm
looking for a good dentist. Do you know anybody? Who do you go to?”
You take the recommendation of a friend or a relative, somebody that you trust. You probably give more
weight or value to this person’s recommendation than to something else that you've read.
Once again, we depend on our relationships and what we hear from others to make decisions about authority
and credibility.
 TERM TO KNOW
Authority
In relationships, a recognition that a member of the relationship is empowered to fill particular roles or perform
particular tasks.
2. Attribution Bias
Another factor to mention in terms of how we make decisions is attribution bias, or a tendency to assign more
positive traits to members of one's own group, and more negative traits to non-members.
We tend to want to trust people that are more like ourselves; we feel more comfortable around people with
whom we share histories and backgrounds.
For that reason, we tend to give more credence to what these people might say or do. We have a tendency to
trust them more than we trust those who are not like ourselves, or are unfamiliar to us.
In many cases, this attribution bias can be more powerful than evidence itself. We go with this feeling we have
about an individual based on how much he or she is like us rather than on direct evidence.
 TERM TO KNOW
Attribution Bias
A tendency to assign more positive traits to members of one's own group and to assign more negative traits
to non-members.
3. Trust in Conflict
Conflict can damage trust because we see behaviors that don't match what we originally thought about an
individual. As you know, conflict can result from either something emotional or something physical; you were
disappointed in some way.
 EXAMPLE A person that you trusted never called, emailed, or got in touch at all when you were going
through a very difficult time. You’re now wondering, “How can I trust this person? Is this person really who I
thought he or she was?"
 EXAMPLE Or perhaps you loaned someone some money or something else of yours, and he or she
won't return it. This person keeps making excuses, and this damages your trust.
In a conflict resolution process, trust is very important; both parties need to feel that they can trust the conflict-
resolver. In order to accomplish that, the conflict-resolver must make sure that he or she gives equal
treatment to both parties; both parties should feel that they are being treated with the same amount of
respect.
If you are a conflict-resolver, you should ensure right up front that both parties know:
You’re non-judgemental
You’re not here to decide anything for them
You’re not invested in the outcome
Your role is to create a safe, comfortable, and confidential environment for the parties to talk out the issues
and come to an agreement that meets their mutual needs.
You should set up these conditions at the very beginning of the process so that both parties trust you as the
person who is helping to mediate or resolve the conflict.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned how trust and its variants, credibility and authority, are determined by our
relationships and how much we value them. You also learned that as human beings, we are prone to
attribution bias; we want to trust people we see as being like ourselves. You now understand trust in
conflict can be damaged. It’s the conflict-resolver’s role to establish trust between him or herself and
the conflicting parties by creating a safe, comfortable, and confidential environment for the parties to
resolve their issues. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Attribution Bias
A tendency to assign more positive traits to members of one's own group and to assign more
negative traits to non-members.
Authority
In relationships, a recognition that a member of the relationship is empowered to fill particular roles or
perform particular tasks.
Credibility
In relationships, a perception that an individual has adequate knowledge and an inclination to
honesty regarding particular actions or statements.
Trust
An expectation that an individual will act in positive ways towards other members of the relationship,
based on assessment of previous behavior.
Intention in Relationships
by Sophia Tutorial
 WHAT'S COVERED
In this lesson, we’ll discuss how we tend to make assumptions about the intentions of others in
conflict. The specific areas of focus include:
1. Types of Behavior
a. Purposeful Behavior
b. Non-Intentional Behavior
2. Mitigating Assumptions in Conflict Resolution
1. Types of Behavior
It's easy to assume something about what another person does, and when individuals are in conflict, they
often make assumptions about the other party's intentions.
There are two types of behavior in relationships:
Purposeful
Non-intentional
As human beings, we like to think that everything we do is purposeful, and that we're aware of our behavior
and our intentions; however, that’s not always the case.
1a. Purposeful Behavior
Purposeful behavior is behavior which has a consciously selected objective, or reflects an unconscious but
felt objective. We all observe and participate in purposeful behavior, and it can often be positive.
 EXAMPLE You see somebody with a lot of groceries or bags, so you go over and help him or her. Or
somebody is stuck in a snowbank during winter, so you and some others gather around and try to push
the car out.
 EXAMPLE You might have a friend who is really troubled about something; you tell this friend to call
you at any time he or she wants. You are willing to help, encourage, and listen to someone who is a good
friend.
However, people may exhibit purposeful behavior that is not constructive. The following are examples of
negative purposeful behavior.
 EXAMPLE Someone might lie to someone else. This person knows he or she is lying; it’s on purpose.
 EXAMPLE Someone might decide to purposely withhold information from somebody, or purposely try
to sabotage somebody at work because he or she sees this person as competition for a promotion.
 TERM TO KNOW
Purposeful Behavior
Behavior which has a consciously selected objective or reflects an unconscious (but felt) objective.
2b. Non-Intentional Behavior
People also do things non-intentionally. Non-intentional behavior is behavior unrelated to a given objective.
It’s often this non-intentional behavior that can create or escalate a conflict.
 EXAMPLE You are feeling annoyed because your friends all got together on a Friday evening and had
a great time. They're all talking about it, and nobody included you. Maybe this was just a spontaneous
gathering, and the friends happened to be together. Nobody intended to exclude you; it just happened.
But you're feeling as though their not inviting you was intentional: “Why didn't they include me? What have
I done wrong? Is someone upset with me?”
 EXAMPLE Or perhaps you find out your best friend has some great news. She just got a promotion at
work that she’s been wanting. However, you find out about it through a mutual friend, and you feel like
your best friend not calling you was intentional even though it might not have been. She might not have
meant for you to find out from someone else, but you perceive it as an intentional slight that you weren’t
the first person she called.
 EXAMPLE You arrived home late from the mall with the car, and your significant other thinks you
intentionally kept him or her from an appointment. But maybe you didn’t know about the appointment;
there was some miscommunication. Your significant other perceives the situation as you not thinking
about his or her needs because you didn't come back in time.
 TERM TO KNOW
Non-Intentional Behavior
Behavior unrelated to a given objective.
2. Mitigating Assumptions in Conflict Resolution

Little things that may happen unintentionally can create conflict and harm relationships. When you uncover
the root of an ongoing conflict, you might often find that one party has been making assumptions about the
other party's behavior even though the behavior was really unintentional.
We can prevent this from happening by first understanding that it does happen; we all engage in things that
have unintentional consequences.
We sometimes don't realize that what we're doing might be affecting someone in a negative way, or causing
someone to think that we meant something by a particular action or statement that we made.
 EXAMPLE If you are upset because you feel a distance in a relationship which was once close, it's
always good to communicate about whatever it is you think is happening. Realize you might have made an
assumption, and that what you think of as intentional, purposeful behavior may be unintentional.
A full-blown conflict can occur when a number of small, unintentional behaviors escalate and create more and
more relational and communication problems between parties. This is why open communication at the start is
key.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned that there are two types of behavior: purposeful behavior and non-
intentional behavior. Oftentimes, it non-intentional behavior that can lead to or escalate conflict
because the behavior is incorrectly assumed to be purposeful. You now understand that it’s possible
to mitigate these assumptions during the conflict resolution process by understanding that incorrect
assumptions often happen, and then communicating those assumptions clearly so that the other
party has the chance to explain. Good luck!
 TERMS TO KNOW
Non-Intentional Behavior
Behavior unrelated to a given objective.
Purposeful Behavior
Behavior which has a consciously selected objective or reflects an unconscious (but felt) objective.
Power and Role Shifts in Relationships
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll continue to discuss relationships by focusing on:

1. Power and Role Shifts
a. In Constructive Relationships
b. In Destructive Relationships
1. Power and Role Shifts

As you’ve learned in previous lessons, there are lots of elements in terms of which we can think about
relationships. Power and role are two more of these elements, and they can affect relationships both
positively and negatively.
Power is the ability to accomplish tasks or get tasks accomplished. However, in regards to relationships,
power is the ability or authority to direct actions or influence emotions.
Power is involved in each role, or sense of owning responsibility or the right to make meaningful contributions
in a group or situation, that we play in our lives.
 EXAMPLE Sometimes power and role are quite natural, as with a parent and child relationship.
Obviously, the parent has more power than a small child. But as a child matures, that can and will change.
Older children are given a new roles, such as taking care of smaller children, or other responsibilities in the
home.
Power and role are also involved in the relationships we have with one another as adults, and these
relationships can be either constructive or destructive.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Power
Literally, the ability to accomplish tasks or get tasks accomplished; regarding relationships, the ability or
authority to direct actions or influence emotions.
Role
A sense of "owning" responsibility or the right to make meaningful contributions in a group or situation.
1a. In Constructive Relationships
In any relationship, things can change depending on context, or a specific situation in which a relationship is
felt or acted within.
However, a constructive relationship has:
Flexibility
Shared responsibility
This means that the parties in a constructive relationship can change depending on what’s best for a
particular context.
 EXAMPLE In a relationship between spouses, something could change in terms of who's the
breadwinner. Perhaps one person loses his or her job, and the other person has an opportunity for a
better paying job.
That person might decide to take the job, and the other person will stay home with the children. They’ll be
flexible about those roles depending on the context; there could also be flexibility in terms of who cooks,
who takes out the trash, and who pays the bills.
Depending on time and any number of other elements in a given context, there can also be changes to
shared responsibility.
 EXAMPLE This could be true at work if somebody's out sick, and you are given more responsibility as
a result. There's a willingness and ability to change, be flexible, and share responsibilities in this
constructive relationship because the context calls for it.
 TERM TO KNOW
Context
A specific situation in which a relationship is felt or acted or acted within.
2b. In Destructive Relationships
When the power and role structures in relationships are more rigid, conflicts can arise; the relationships can
then become destructive because of the conflicts.
In a destructive relationship where things are inflexible, there is not a change in the power and role structures
in any context, even if it would make sense for a change to occur.
 EXAMPLE Perhaps two people in a marriage are very comfortable with their roles, and this has
worked well so far. Then something changes; maybe one person loses his or her job, and has to take a
lower paying job.
However, the other partner feels that it's not his or her role to go out into the workforce. This person
continues to stay at home, which could impact the couple’s financial stability. Because there is a rigidity in
terms of what each person thinks his or her role is, a conflict can begin.
 EXAMPLE In a work setting, you might have a new project come in that requires actions to be taken
and decisions to be made. None of this is happening because the other people at work do not feel that
they can move ahead without permission from someone above them, even when the context changes.
If there are less people available, you might need other people to step in and make some decisions to get
things moving. The attitude of the others might be, “Well, it's not my job. We have to wait for the supervisor
to sign off.”
Because the power roles are very rigid and inflexible, there could be a conflict in the workplace between
individuals, and on a wider level in terms of how the conflict impacts overall productivity.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned about power and role shifts in relationships. You now understand that in
constructive relationships, there is the ability to make shifts and share responsibilities based on
context. In destructive relationships, rigidity and inflexibility despite changes in context can create or
escalate conflicts. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Context
A specific situation in which a relationship is felt or acted within.
Power
Literally, the ability to accomplish tasks or get tasks accomplished. Regarding relationships, the ability
or authority to direct actions or influence emotions.
Role
A sense of "owning" responsibility or the right to make meaningful contributions in a group or
situation.
Constructive and Destructive Relationships
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss how relationships can either support parties’ needs and goals, or run
counter to them. The specific areas of focus include:
1. Features of Constructive Relationships
2. Features of Destructive Relationships
3. Conflicts in Both Types of Relationships
1. Features of Constructive Relationships

A constructive relationship is a relationship characterized by flexibility of role, mutual concern for members’
needs, as well as other factors.
In a constructive relationship, the people involved are not self-centered; rather, they are concerned with one
another's needs.
In a constructive relationship, you'll typically find:
Open communication
Flexibility
Trust
Affection
Should a situation arise where one party needs help, the other party is willing to share responsibility.
The parties also visibly care about each other, whether they are friends, partners, or coworkers. They like and
trust one another.
 TERM TO KNOW
Constructive Relationship
A relationship categorized by flexibility of role, mutual concern for members’ needs, and other factors.
2. Features of Destructive Relationships

A destructive, or non-constructive, relationship is a relationship characterized by inflexibility of roles, unequal
concern for members’ needs, and other factors.
This type of relationship might have one party that is more self-centered, demanding total loyalty from the
other party.
Thus in a destructive relationship, you will typically find:
Suspicion
Jealousy
Lack of affection
Poor communication
Oftentimes, a destructive relationship may turn out to be physically or emotionally harmful to one of the
parties involved.
We may then wonder why people would stay in destructive relationships when their needs are are not being
met, but there are a variety of reasons for this.
 EXAMPLE The relationship might be part of a person’s comfort zone. This person has gotten used to
the relationship; as unsatisfying or destructive as the relationship is, moving out of it may bring up fears.
 EXAMPLE The person is afraid, either physically or emotionally, of what his or her partner might do
should he or she try to leave.
 EXAMPLE Someone might also stay in the relationship because he or she genuinely loves the other
person, and believes or hopes that that person will change even if there is evidence to the contrary.
 TERM TO KNOW
Destructive (Non-Constructive) Relationship

A relationship characterized by inflexibility of roles, unequal concern for members’ needs, and other factors.
3. Conflicts in Both Types of Relationships

Conflicts will arise not only within destructive relationships, but also within constructive relationships. In either
case, the conflict will occur because there are unmet needs.
In a destructive relationship, the unmet needs may be more obvious and consistent. But even in a constructive
relationship, parties may find that from time to time, their needs aren't being met.
The difference between the conflicts in constructive and destructive relationships lies in how these unmet
needs are addressed and handled.
In a constructive relationship, there is likely to be more open communication, and a willingness to:
Talk about the issues

Listen to the other party
Take responsibility if necessary
These communication patterns are positive, and thus can be helpful in resolving a conflict in a way meets the
needs of both parties.
In a destructive relationship, where the communication patterns are poor, there is instead:
A lack of trust
No concern for the other party’s needs
In many cases, when overseeing a conflict resolution process between members of a destructive relationship,
it can be very helpful for the conflict-resolver to address the underlying emotional or relational needs that
have made the relationship destructive in the first place.
The parties can then learn to communicate better in terms of speaking and listening to one another, and
perhaps come to recognize a bit about the impact of their own behavior.
 BIG IDEA
If two parties in a relationship, be it constructive or destructive, come into a conflict resolution situation in
good faith to work on something, they can learn the communication and relational patterns that might be
impeding them in resolving whatever conflict has presented itself.
Therefore, the conflict resolution process can be helpful in meeting the unmet needs for parties in both types
of relationships.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned about the features of constructive and destructive relationships. You now
understand that conflicts can arise in both types of relationships because of unmet needs. The
conflict resolution process is thus designed to improve communication and understanding by working
through not only the presented conflict, but also the underlying the emotions that led to it. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Constructive Relationship
A relationship characterized by flexibility of role, mutual concern for members' needs, and other
factors.
Destructive (Non-Constructive) Relationship

A relationship characterized by inflexibility of roles, unequal concern for members' needs, and other
factors.
Physical and Emotional Factors in Conflict
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss how emotional factors can be just as, if not more, important than physical
factors in a conflict. In particular, we’ll focus on:
1. Factors in Conflict
a. Tangible Factors
b. Emotional Factors
2. Addressing Both Factors in Conflict Resolution
1. Factors in Conflict
When there's a conflict, it often presents itself as a dispute over something physical or observable; however,
there are quite often issues underneath that physical conflict that aren't quite as obvious.
It is therefore important to discuss both tangible and emotional factors when assessing a conflict.
1a. Tangible Factors
At the root of a conflict, there are tangible things that bring people into conflict in the first place. These
tangible factors are needs which are external resources.
 EXAMPLE Two business partners are in a conflict over money, or something related to finances.
 EXAMPLE At work, you are having a conflict with a coworker over some research, a spreadsheet, or
something else that you need to finish your project that you are not getting.
 EXAMPLE There could be a dispute between neighbors over a property line. One neighbor is doing
some landscaping on his or her property, and the other neighbor feels like the property line is being
crossed. Or there could be an issue over the neighbor's barking dog. Both of these are tangible factors.
 TERM TO KNOW
Tangible Factor
A need which is an external resource.
1b. Emotional Factors
While the tangible factor can be the presenting issue, the discussion of this issue often makes new issues
arise that escalate the conflict.
These arising issues are usually emotional factors, or needs which are not external resources, but rather
internal feelings, such as relational and/or communication issues.
A conflict over something tangible can escalate because of these emotional factors.
 EXAMPLE Consider the scenario about resources at work. You need these resources, and you're not
getting them. As you begin to talk about the issue, you may discover that what's at the root of the conflict is
the unresponsiveness of the person who has this information.
However, it turns out that she feels that she’s lacked communication from your end; she's a little annoyed
that a lot of her emails in the past have not been answered. She also feels as though there were some
decisions made on the project without her; she wasn't included in the team meetings.
All of a sudden, she's being asked for information, yet she wasn’t involved in the whole process of
discussing this information. The relational communication issues going on in the everyday process of
working on this project have gotten in the way of you getting what you need; this escalates the conflict.
 EXAMPLE This could happen in the same way with the financial issue. The two business partners,
who have perhaps been friends, suddenly find that their business is not going so well. There are financial
issues, and one of the partners begins yelling at the other about the situation.
When they begin to talk about the financial issues, they realize that the communication patterns here are
what are really escalating this conflict. Perhaps something that could be solved as a tangible issue is not
being solved because of the way these partners are communicating with each other.
 TERM TO KNOW
Emotional Factor
A need which is not an external resource, but rather an internal feeling.
2. Addressing Both Factors in Conflict Resolution

While it’s clear that conflicts about tangible factors can lead to conflicts about emotional factors, the opposite
can also be true.
 EXAMPLE Let's go back to the example of the neighbors who were having the property line dispute;
we'll call them Joe and Steve. Joe is upset that Steve is doing landscaping that affects Joe’s property.
Joe feels as though his neighbor is not communicating with him or paying attention to his feelings. This
perceived disrespect leads Joe to dump snow over Steve’s driveway, or accidentally tip over the garbage
can. The neighbors now have a conflict over Joe's behavior, which really stems from the fact that Joe was
feeling disrespected.
Because emotional factors and tangible factors are often both present in a dispute, it’s key for the conflict-
resolver to acknowledge that both factors are important during the conflict resolution process.
The conflict-resolver can give these factors equal weight by listening carefully to and asking questions of both
parties. This will create an awareness of whatever factors are underneath the presented actions or emotions.
 BIG IDEA
In a conflict resolution setting, the conflict-resolver must acknowledge both the tangible and the emotional
factors, give equal weight to both, and make sure that the parties have a chance to listen to one another and
be heard.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned that the factors that cause a conflict can be tangible, emotional, or a
combination of the two. You now understand that in order to effectively address both factors in the
conflict resolution process, the conflict-resolver must listen to and ask questions of the parties
involved in order to get to the root of the issue. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Emotional Factor
A need which is not an external resource, but rather an internal feeling.
Tangible Factor
A need which is an external resource.
by Sophia Tutorial
 WHAT'S COVERED
In this lesson, we’ll discuss basic human needs, and how understanding them can in turn help us
understand what is at the root of certain conflicts. In particular, we’ll look at:
1. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
a. Physiological
b. Safety
c. Love/Belonging
d. Esteem
e. Self-Actualization
2. Movement on the Hierarchy
1. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is a model of universal categories of human needs developed by Abraham
Maslow, a psychologist who lived during the 20th Century. He was born in 1908 and studied people who
were mentally healthy in addition to people who had severe psychological issues.
He wanted to focus on mentally healthy people in order to find out what made them tick. As a result of these
studies, he came up with the Hierarchy of Needs.
He felt that all people need to fulfill basic human needs in a particular hierarchical order. He also came to
believe that as human beings, we aren't here just to blindly react to situations. Rather, all of us are capable of
accomplishing greater things.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is thus designed to demonstrate the positive potential of human beings. From
bottom to top, the needs in this hierarchy are:
Physiological
Safety
Love/belonging
Esteem
Self-actualization
 TERM TO KNOW
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

A model of universal categories of human needs, developed by Abraham Maslow.
1a. Physiological Needs
At the physiological level, the needs are things like:
Food
Water
Sleep
Air
These are basic needs that we all must have. If we don't have these needs, we're not going to be able to
focus on anything else until they are satisfied.
2b. Safety
Once we have those basic physiological needs satisfied, we can move to safety, which has to do with:
Security
Stability
Shelter
At this level, we have jobs and homes. These are resources that keep us feeling secure, and keep our families
safe.
2c. Love/Belonging
Following safety is love and belonging, which includes things like:
Friends
Family
Affection
Approval
We all have needs that involve being affiliated with others. Whether we join groups at our jobs, within our
families, or in our communities, we all want the affection and approval that these relationships provide.
2d. Esteem
Once we've satisfied needs at that level, we move to esteem, which involves:
Respect
Recognition
Achievement
We all have a need for people to recognize us for what we can and do accomplish.
2e. Self-Actualization
The highest level on the hierarchy is self-actualization, which focuses on human potential:
What are our capabilities?

Can we give greater meaning to what we're doing?
When we focus on these self-actualization needs, we already have the other needs satisfied. We're not going
to be able to focus very strongly on self-actualization if we’re trying to take care of needs at the safety level.
2. Movement on the Hierarchy

Furthermore, we can move up and down this hierarchy of needs, depending on what is happening to us at any
particular time in our lives.
 EXAMPLE We may have a good job, a good income, and a nice home. Then we learn that we might
lose our job because the company is having layoffs. Perhaps we even find ourselves in conflict with others
at our workplace -- people that we were never in conflict with before -- because we’re all competing for
fewer jobs.
This conflict occurs because the basic needs of security and stability in our lives are being threatened. We
are focusing on the safety level of needs, so we probably aren't thinking about higher levels. Right now we
just want the security that comes with keeping our job.
 EXAMPLE If there is a natural disaster, we might find ourselves stranded without a home, perhaps
without access to food or water. We would then once again need to focus on the lower levels of needs.
Around the world, there are also reports of refugee camps, in which simply trying to get water or food
leads to conflicts between people who would never fight over that sort of thing except when there's a
scarcity.
When we move back and forth along this hierarchy of needs, what we’re all looking for is to meet our potential
at the higher levels. We all want love and belonging, and esteem; we want to feel like we're part of a group,
and be recognized.
When those needs are met, we then look for an even a greater sense of our full potential, and the meaning
and purpose in our lives.
 BIG IDEA
Maslow believed that this hierarchy reflects the needs that all humans have. We are constantly moving up and
down the hierarchy, depending on what's happening in our lives, and what our current needs are in any
particular situation.
By better understanding these needs, we can better understand what might be fueling a particular conflict.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned that Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs was developed by Abraham Maslow,
and is a model of universal human needs. From bottom to top, these needs are physiological, safety,
love/belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. You now understand that we must satisfy the lower-
level needs before we can focus on those at the higher level. We move up and down this hierarchy as
we go through different situations in our lives, and understanding this can help us get to the root of
whatever conflicts we might experience. Good luck!
ATTRIBUTIONS

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs | Author: Wikipeda | License: Creative Commons
TERMS TO KNOW


A model of universal categories of human needs, developed by Abraham Maslow.
Core Concerns: Appreciation
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss the role of appreciation in both creating and resolving conflict. The areas
of focus include:
1. Appreciation as a Core Concern
a. In Conflict
b. In Conflict Resolution
1. Appreciation as a Core Concern

In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, a core concern, per the Harvard Negotiation Project, is one of five emotional
or relational needs all humans feel within relationships or negotiations. All of these core needs fit into the
esteem and love/belonging levels on Maslow's hierarchy.
As you learned previously, physiological and safety needs are below esteem and love/belonging on the
hierarchy. If something happens that forces us to lose our sense of security or access to basic physiological
needs, we focus on obtaining those needs first.
Appreciation, or a perception that one is heard, understood, and valued by others, is a core concern that falls
on the esteem level in Maslow's hierarchy.
We all need to feel appreciated, and we need to feel that appreciation in many contexts in our lives, such as
at home and at work. We even want to feel appreciated in the larger community with acquaintances and
neighbors.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Core Concern
Per Harvard Negotiation Project, one of 5 emotional or relational needs all humans feel within relationships or
in negotiation.
Appreciation
A perception that one is heard, understood, and valued by others.
1a. In Conflict
Because appreciation is a core concern, not being appreciated can lead to conflict in any of these relationship
contexts.
Home: You might get into an argument with somebody at home over who's doing what around the
house. You're angry because something isn't getting done, but underneath that anger may be the sense
that you don't feel appreciated. You feel like you're being taken for granted.
Family: Perhaps there was an anniversary or a birthday, and someone in the family forgot; he or she
didn't send you a card. He or she didn't appreciate you in a way in which you would like to be
appreciated. That lack of appreciation can then lead to some feelings of resentment, anger, and hurt.
Professional Workplace: You've been working hard and getting paid, but you're not getting any
recognition. Other people on your team have gotten some awards; in fact, a person who's been there for
less time than you just got promoted. You’re feeling unappreciated, and this starts to lead to some
conflicts with your coworkers because you're exhibiting resentment. At the core of the conflict is your hurt
over not being recognized.
Neighborhood: You find out that your neighbors are going to be planting some trees. You have a
garden, and it's always been sunny in that area of your backyard. You feel as though you're not being
appreciated because they didn’t take the time to have a conversation about something that’s going to
affect your property.
1b. In Conflict Resolution
In conflict resolution, it's very important to bring appreciation into the process. At the very beginning, the
conflict-resolver will let the parties know that they are appreciated simply for coming in good faith and
agreeing to be part of the process.
Then within the process, each party gets an equal chance to speak and be heard. This is a core part of
conflict resolution because both parties need to feel appreciated through their positions being heard and
valued.
 BIG IDEA
Once the core concerns have been met, the larger needs of esteem and love/belonging can surface and be
fulfilled. Appreciation is one of these concerns in the esteem category, and a perceived lack of appreciation
can lead to or escalate a conflict. However, making sure both parties are appreciated in the conflict resolution
process can make it easier to come to an agreement.
 SUMMARY
In this lesson, you learned that the esteem and love/belonging levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
also include core concerns; appreciation is a core concern that falls into the esteem category. You
now understand that in the conflict resolution process, appreciation is important to address because
a perceived lack of appreciation can often be at the heart of the presented issues in a conflict. Good
luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Appreciation
A perception that one is heard, understood, and valued by others.
Core Concern
Per Harvard Negotiation Project, one of 5 emotional or relational needs all humans feel within
relationships or in negotiation.
Core Concerns: Autonomy
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss the role of autonomy in both creating and resolving conflict. The areas of
focus include:
1. Autonomy as a Core Concern
a. In Conflict
1. Autonomy as a Core Concern

Autonomy, or a perception that one is empowered to make one's own choices and act freely based on those
choices, is a core concern that falls on the esteem level in Maslow's hierarchy.
We all have the need to feel that we’re being recognized, respected, and that we have influence and the
freedom to make our own choices.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Core Concern
in negotiation.
Autonomy
A perception that one is empowered to make one’s own choices and act freely based on those choices.
1a. In Conflict
However, as a core concern, autonomy can sometimes lead to conflict in any of these relationship contexts.
Professional Workplace: In the context of your job, you want to feel that you are recognized and
respected for your work, and that you can be trusted with a project. When someone starts to
micromanage you, it can make you feel as though your work is being infringed upon, or that you’re not
being trusted. In order to have control of your work, you want to be told the deadlines and expectations,
but then be given the autonomy to complete the project.
Professional Team: You arrive at a team meeting one day, only to have an announcement made that
some huge changes are going to affect your role on the team and in the company as a whole. You may
feel like this decision is being imposed upon you, and there's been no prior discussion. You were not
asked for feedback, and you had no influence on the outcome. Oftentimes in this kind of situation, the
feeling that you are not being given a choice can lead to backlash.
Home: As children get older, they want to feel as though they can be trusted with making the right
choices. However, as the parent you have the right to set the guidelines: “You can take the car, but you
have to be home by 11 pm.” Within those guidelines, teenagers want to feel that they can make some of
their own choices, and that you trust them to do so. If you don't allow that, you may have some backlash
from your teenager who perhaps feels that you're not trusting him or her.
Community Level: You might live in a community where you don't want to have laws, regulations, and
rules imposed on you without having the chance to give your input. You want to talk to the city council, go
to meetings, and vote in local politics. Because you want to be heard and feel that you have influence,
you don't want others imposing things on you without inviting your involvement.
Within the conflict resolution process, it's important to honor the sense of autonomy. This process involves
parties in conflict coming together to resolve the conflict in good faith, so each party needs to feel
empowered to make his or her own choices and share what's important to him or her.
This empowerment is key to discovering the parties’ underlying needs, or what they truly require in order to
resolve the conflict.
As a mediator, the following conflict-resolving techniques are essential to the effectiveness of the process:
Respect the autonomy of both parties

Allow them to create their own agreement
Enable them to work out their own issues
SUMMARY

also include core concerns; autonomy is a core concern that falls into the esteem category. You now
understand that in the conflict resolution process, autonomy is important to establish because if both
parties feel they have a sense of autonomy, they will then have the ability to reach their own
agreement in the conflict. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Autonomy
A perception that one is empowered to make one's own choices and act freely based on those
choices.
Core Concern
Core Concerns: Affiliation
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss the role of affiliation in both creating and resolving conflict. The areas of
focus include:
1. Affiliation as a Core Concern
a. In Conflict
1. Affiliation as a Core Concern

Affiliation, or a perception that one is emotionally connected to others, is a core concern that falls on the
love/belonging level in Maslow’s hierarchy.
We all have a strong need to belong. We want to feel like we fit in somewhere, and like we're connected to
other human beings that are important to us, such as:
Our families
Our friends
Members of other groups we belong to
 TERMS TO KNOW
Core Concern
in negotiation.
Affiliation
A perception that one is emotionally connected to others.
1a. In Conflict
When we feel as though we're not connected, we don't belong, or we're not getting the love or or approval
that we would like, this can lead to conflict in various contexts.
Family: A couple has been married for a couple of years. One spouse feels that the other spouse is not
spending enough time with him or her. It seems like they rarely see each other because one spouse is
always either at work or out with friends. If one member of a couple feels that love or intimacy is missing,
this can lead to a conflict, perhaps over an extended period of time.
Neighborhood/Family: You've moved into a new neighborhood with your family. This neighborhood is a
little bit more upscale, and you're a little worried that you're not going to be able to live here because
things are more expensive than where you lived previously.
But you meet the neighbors, and you like them; they invite you to go out to dinner at an expensive
restaurant. When they invite you to their home, they put on quite a showing. So when you invite them to
your home the next time you see them, you feel like you have to entertain them in a way that your budget
doesn't really allow for.
This causes you to get into a conflict over finances with others in your family: “We don't have the means
to be spending money like this. The neighbors make more money than we do. You can't buy the kinds of
things that you think you need to buy to fit in with this group.”
Adults/Children: Affiliation-related conflicts are experienced by not only adults, but kids as well. In some
situations, the need for approval through fitting in with a particular group at school can cause kids to
experiment with drinking or drugs. This can lead to a conflict with parents, or even the law.
In a conflict resolution process, it's important that both parties feel that they can work together as a team to
resolve the conflict.
To accomplish this, the mediator will encourage both parties to participate by offering their ideas and
suggestions regarding an agreement.
As each party is contributing, the sense of affiliation is created and satisfied; this moves the parties forward
toward a resolution.
SUMMARY

also include core concerns; affiliation is a core concern that falls into the love/belonging category.
Because affiliation, or the feeling that we’re emotionally connected to others, is a strong need that we
all have as human beings, the perception that it’s lacking can result in conflict. This is why the conflict
resolution process is designed to create a sense of affiliation between the parties, enabling them to
collaborate on a solution. Good luck!
 TERMS TO KNOW
Affiliation
A perception that one is emotionally connected to others.
Core Concern
Core Concerns: Status
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss the role of status in both creating and resolving conflict. The areas of focus
include:
1. Status as a Core Concern
a. In Conflict
1. Status as a Core Concern

Status, or a state of rank or ascription of value and importance in a given situation, is a core concern that falls
on the esteem level in Maslow’s Hierarchy.
When we work hard and do a good job, we want others to recognize and respect the work we’ve done
because that recognition contributes to our self-esteem.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Core Concern
in negotiation.
Status
A state of “rank” or ascription of value and importance in a given situation.
1a. In Conflict
When we feel that we are not getting esteem from others -- that we either don't have status or that our status
isn’t being recognized -- this can lead to conflict in a variety of contexts.
Family: Let’s say you're the youngest in your family; you have older brothers and sisters. Growing up,
you were always known as the baby of the family, but now you're an adult. You feel that when you go to
family gatherings, you're still being treated like a child; that old family structure is still there. You start to
get annoyed because you don't feel as though you’re listened to or heard in the same way as your older
siblings.
Then perhaps you need to help the family make some decisions about your aging parents. They want to
move out of the home, and they're looking for another place to live. You've done some research that you
want to share with your siblings, and you feel that your opinion and knowledge here is valuable.
However, you don't feel like you're being listened to because what you say doesn’t seem to have the
same status as the opinions of your older brothers and sisters. This could certainly lead to conflict with
your siblings.
Professional Workplace: This need for status can also be present in a work relationship. Perhaps you've
been working at a company for some time. You and your colleagues have collected a wealth of
knowledge about the way things work. As far as you're concerned, this knowledge is invaluable; you
know it has been recognized and respected in the past.
But you now feel that you are being overlooked or bypassed for promotions, some of which are going to
younger people who don’t have the experience, knowledge, or skills that you and some of your
colleagues have. You feel that your rank is not being respected or recognized in the way that it should
be. This feeling can lead to a conflict with these younger workers over status.}}
Within a conflict resolution process, it is important to recognize the role of status since a perceived lack of
status can be at the heart of a dispute.
When two parties sit down together to work out an agreement, a recognition of the skills, knowledge, and
input that each party is bringing to the process can be very helpful in resolving the conflict.
Recognizing these contributions helps get the parties together as a team that can collaborate on a solution.
SUMMARY

also include core concerns; status is a core concern that falls into the esteem category. You now
understand that because status is the need to to be given recognition, respect, or value in a particular
situation, the perception that it’s lacking can result in conflict. This is why the conflict resolution
process is designed to create a sense of equal status between the parties, enabling them to
collaborate on a solution. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Core Concern
Status
A state of "rank" or ascription of value and importance in a given situation.
Core Concerns: Role
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss how role can be involved in both creating and resolving conflict. The areas
of focus include:
1. Role as a Core Concern
a. In Conflict
1. Role as a Core Concern

Role, or a sense of owning responsibility or the right to make meaningful contributions in a group or situation,
is a core concern that falls on the esteem level in Maslow’s hierarchy.
This is because role has to do with our self-esteem and the esteem that we would like to get from others
through the meaningful contributions we make.
Whether it’s with a group, at work, or within our families, we all want to have a productive role in whatever it is
we're doing.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Core Concern
in negotiation.
Role
A sense of “owning” responsibility or the right to make meaningful contributions in a group or situation.
1a. In Conflict
When we feel that our contributions aren't productive or that we don't understand the importance of our role,
this can lead to conflict in a variety of contexts.
Professional Work/Management: You have a supervisor and your supervisor has a manager, there's
another manager over that manager, then there's the VP. You like your job, but unclear how your work is
contributing to the big picture. Because you don’t see the results of your work, you lose interest and
become disengaged. No one is recognizing the importance of what you do, so you call in sick; you think,
“It doesn't really matter if I come in today.” This could lead to conflict with your supervisor or coworkers
because the perceived insignificance of your role has caused you not to care as much as you should.
Professional Work/Individual: You've been working very hard, even taking some weekend time to finish
your job. Yet the productivity of your role is not being recognized. This leaves you unsure of what it is
you're working so hard for.
Volunteer: The same thing can happen as a volunteer in an organization. If you feel that your role is not
significant, not productive, or not worth recognition from others as contributing to the overall objective,
you can lose heart. Perhaps you'll quit volunteering.
Family: You have a three or four-year-old who wants to help. This child wants to have a role, so he
comes into the kitchen after dinner. It’s up to you to assign the role and make sure that what he’s doing is
age-appropriate. Perhaps you put your child on a stool, hand him a towel, and tell him that he can wipe
some dishes while you stand and supervise.
As you can see from these examples, all people want to feel that they have a contributing role, whether
they're three years old or in the workforce.
Thus in the conflict resolution process, both parties want to feel that they are participating, and that their roles
are contributing something of value towards resolving the conflict.
For the process to be successful, it’s important that the parties:
Listen to each other

Are heard by each other
Have the importance of their role acknowledged
SUMMARY

also include core concerns; role is a core concern that falls into the esteem category. You now
understand that because role involves the right to make meaningful contributions in a group or
situation, the perception that one’s role is undervalued can result in conflict. This is why it’s important
for both parties to have the significance of their role acknowledged in the conflict resolution process.
Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Core Concern
Role
A sense of "owning" responsibility or the right to make meaningful contributions in a group or
situation.
The Communication Process 101
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss the general process behind communication by focusing on:
1. Elements of Communication
a. Codes, Symbols, and Messages
b. Senders and Receivers
2. Impact of Communication on Conflict
a. Filters
b. Confirmation Messages
1. Elements of Communication
As human beings, we spend our days communicating with each other:
Talking to family, friends, and coworkers

Sending and receiving emails
Leaving and receiving voicemails
We need to communicate in order to get things done, and to have relationships.
1a. Codes, Symbols, and Messages
Communication can be defined as the process of moving information from person to person using symbolic
codes. These codes are simply sets of symbolic symbols with consistent meanings used to hold and convey
information.
IN CONTEXT
You’ve likely heard of codes being used in a variety of situations. During World War II, for example,
telegraphs and Morse Code were used; we had experts trying to break the code in order to find out
what the enemy was trying to communicate.
Today, we even have archaeologists going into caves, trying to decode the hieroglyphics that the
cavemen left; these hieroglyphics were nothing but a series of pictures.
So whether it's keystrokes, the pictures in a cave, or letters in an alphabet that make up words,
communication involves trying to decode symbols, which are representations of a concept in a tangible form.
When you put these symbols together, they form words or pictures. This creates information, or a sequence of
symbols that can be interpreted as a message, or a “packet” of information which has been encoded.
We all know about information and messages. We live in a world of information overload, and messages
come to us through a variety of sources:
Emails
Tweets
Blogs
In-person conversations
Phone calls
Voicemails
 TERMS TO KNOW
Communication
The process of moving information from person to person using symbolic codes.
Information
A sequence of symbols that can be interpreted as a message.
Code
A set of symbols with consistent meanings used to hold and convey information.
Symbol
A representation of a concept in a tangible form.
Message
A "packet" of information which from sender to receiver.
1b. Senders and Receivers
When these symbols are put into codes, they are moved from the sender to the receiver.
In the context of communication, a sender is the person moving information from him or herself or another; a
receiver is person who gets the information from the sender.
 EXAMPLE Two people who are trying to communicate with one another; we’ll call them Jack and
Tony. Jack is our sender, as he has a message that he wants to send to Tony, our receiver.
Jack has to decide how he wants to send his message, and what kind of code -- spoken or written -- he’s
going to use. Jack might decide to email, tweet, blog, call, or maybe just talk to Tony in person if they're in
the same room. Depending on what Jack does, Tony is going to either read or hear what Jack says.
While we’ve all probably thought at some point that it would be convenient if we could just take what's in
our heads and move it over into someone else's head as raw information, we know that this doesn’t work.
Jack can't just move this information into Tony's head, but let’s say Jack and Tony both speak English. This
may seem like it makes the transmission very simple because we tend to imagine communication like
throwing a ball when the ball is the message. Jack has the ball, and he’s going to throw it to Tony. Tony
throws it back to Jack.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Sender
In communication, the person moving information from him or herself to another.
Receiver
In communication, the person receiving information from another.
2. Impact of Communication on Conflict

While communication may seem as simple as throwing a ball back and forth, it's a little more like throwing jello.
If someone throws you jello, you can try catch it, but you probably don't get all of it because there are blobs of
it that fall apart.
1a. Filters
This deterioration occurs because of filters, or factors that can prevent a message from being received, or
cause the message to be received or interpreted in a way other than the one meant by the sender.
There are two types of filters that can interfere with communication:
External filters
Internal filters
 EXAMPLE External Filters: Let's say Jack wants to send his message to Tony by calling. But when he
calls, there’s static, and Tony can't get the message. Or maybe they're in a restaurant together, but it’s very
noisy because there's a band playing. Tony can't hear what Jack is trying to say. If Tony is multitasking by
checking his email while he's also trying to talk to Jack, he may not get all of what Jack is trying to tell him.
These are all examples of external filters.
 EXAMPLE Internal filters: Tony's a little annoyed with Jack because Jack says something that kind of
upsets Tony. So now Tony’s not even paying attention to the message; he's just focusing on the statement
that Jack made that he found upsetting.
Or maybe Jack says to Tony, “Get this to me ASAP.” And Tony thinks, “ASAP, as soon as possible. Okay, I'll
get it him in the middle of the week after I finish my other project.” But what Jack actually meant by ASAP
was right now. If Jack is Tony's boss, and Tony doesn’t get the information to him right away because he
misinterpreted Jack’s message, you can see how that would lead to a conflict.
 TERM TO KNOW
Filter
A factor that can prevent a message from being received or cause it to be received or interpreted in a way
other than the one meant by the sender.
1b. Confirmation Messages
While filters can cause a communication-related conflict, there is a way to solve this confusion. Before there
can be what we would call a communication event, the sender needs a confirmation message.
A confirmation message is a message sent by the receiver to the sender indicating that a message has been
received, and indicating how the message has been interpreted.
 EXAMPLE Tony can get back to Jack and say, “Let me clarify what you mean by ASAP. Is it okay if I
get it to you next week?" Then Jack would have the opportunity to say, “No, that’s not what I meant.”
This a way of clarifying the message, and while it may sometimes be unnecessary to this, it’s an important part
of communication when there are multiple ways a message can be interpreted.
 BIG IDEA
Communication is critical to relationships, and it's vital to communicate clearly to avoid conflict. Sometimes the
communication process is not quite as smooth as we think it should be because of the external and internal
filters, so a confirmation message can be helpful for clarification.
 TERM TO KNOW
Confirmation Message
A message sent by receiver to sender indicating that a message has been received and indicating how the
message has been interpreted.
 SUMMARY
In this lesson, you learned that the elements of communication are codes containing symbols which
form information that is transmitted as a message from a sender to a receiver. You now understand
the impact of communication on conflict: External and internal filters can affect how a message is
received, but a confirmation message from the receiver can provide an opportunity for clarification.
Communicating more clearly with others can help us resolve or even prevent conflict. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Code
Communication
A message sent by receiver to sender indicating that a message has been received and indicating
how the message has been interpreted.
Filter
A factor that can prevent a message from being received or cause it to be received or interpreted in
a way other than the one meant by the sender.
Information
A sequence of symbols that can be interpreted as a message.
Message
A "packet" of information which has been encoded and is moved from sender to receiver.
Receiver
Sender
Symbol
Encoding Information
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss how we encode the information we want to relay in our messages to one
another. Three areas of focus include:
1. Information as Symbols and Codes
2. Verbal Communication
3. Nonverbal Communication
1. Information as Symbols and Codes

To review, information is a sequence of symbols that can be interpreted as a message. However, information
is also an awareness of things inside and outside the self that must be encoded in symbols to be conveyed to
another.
More simply, information is what you don't already know; therefore, you need to transmit it back and forth
between yourself and another person.
Whenever we send someone information, we need to make sure that this communication is:
Clear
Meaningful
Effective
Yet a lot of times when we send information back and forth, the process is not as effective as we want it to be,
and this can lead to conflicts.
As you learned in an earlier lesson, there are a variety of ways that we can send information, but each of
these ways involves the use of symbols and codes.
Symbols are a representation of a concept in a tangible form, and acode is a set of symbols with consistent
meanings used to hold and convey information.
 EXAMPLE When we speak English, we use the alphabet. Each of the letters in the alphabet is a
symbol, and we can string some letters together in order to make up words. The words are the code, and
we can create information by sending those words to another person in a message such as an email.
The alphabet is just one example; there are a variety of different codes from which we can choose when
sending information. Words can be spoken or written, but we can also use gestures or pictures.
 EXAMPLE Let’s say you’re in another country, and you don't speak the same language as the people
who live there. You can use gestures to try to act out your message. If you want something in a restaurant,
you can make a motion as if you're pouring water. You can wave, or shake your head. This is how we use
gestures as symbols to form a code that we hope the other party will understand.
 EXAMPLE Before there were movies with sound, people used to pay to see silent pictures. They'd go
sit in a movie theater, and there'd be nothing but pictures going across the screen. These pictures were
the code because they would tell a story.
As you can see from these examples, there are two broad ways we can use symbols and codes to convey
information:
Verbally
Nonverbally
 TERMS TO KNOW
Information
A sequence of symbols that can be interpreted as a message; an awareness of things inside/outside the self
that must be encoded in symbols to be conveyed to another; “what you don’t already know.”
Symbol
Code
2. Verbal Communication
Verbal communication is communication using the code commonly called spoken or written language.
So if we speak the same language as the person we’re trying to communicate with, we use words. When we
use these words or this language to communicate in writing, whether it be through an email, a letter, or a
book, this is written language.
In order for verbal communication to be effective, we have to make sure that we're understanding it in the
same way as the person we’re communicating with. There are some obstacles that can get in the way of this.
 EXAMPLE You're speaking to a coworker whose first language is not English. You say, “Wow, I'm so
glad we've met the deadline on the project. I'm just going to go home and chill.”
This person thinks, “Chill? Why would you want to do that in the middle of winter?” Because the the literal
meaning "chill” has to do with shivering and being cold, this person is confused. In the context you're using
“chill,” you don't mean that at all. You mean “relax,” but that meaning in this context was not
communicated.
 EXAMPLE Or you could use a phrase that somebody doesn't understand: “Let's think outside the
box.” If someone hasn't heard that phrase before, this person will wonder, “What does it mean to think
outside the box?”
You know that it means to think creatively, but that meaning might not come through if the other person
doesn’t have the same meanings for those words. We also often use acronyms or abbreviations without
realizing that not everyone will understand them the way that we do.
 TERM TO KNOW
Verbal Communication
Communication using the code commonly called spoken or written language.
3. Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal communication is communication using a variety of physical codes, such as:
Body language
Eye contact
Gestures
Facial expressions
Interestingly, what we’re doing nonverbally can sometimes contradict what we're doing verbally.
 EXAMPLE With body language, we're always sending signals in the way we present ourselves in front
of someone; these signals don’t always match our verbal communication. You might want to have a
friendly conversation, but you are standing in a position that makes you look defensive.
Or you’re in a meeting, and you’re interested in what your coworker is saying. However, you’re looking
down in your seat, maybe texting. You’re so used to sending text message that you don’t realize you’re
sending a contradictory message to the person speaking in this meeting, who might be offended by your
nonverbal behavior.
 EXAMPLE Often in American culture, we like to have direct eye contact because it means that we're
listening and respecting the person speaking. But in some cultures, direct eye contact is considered a bit
aggressive. This form of nonverbal communication can be interpreted differently, depending on the
culture.
 EXAMPLE We already saw how we will rely on gestures if we're speaking to someone who doesn't
share our same spoken language. But we also use gestures to help punctuate something. If we want to
demonstrate how large or small something is, or how excited we are about something, we often use
gestures to supplement our explanation of this.
 EXAMPLE Sometimes our facial expressions might give us away by communicating something we
don't want to be communicating. Once again, let’s say you're sitting in a meeting. Someone makes a
suggestion or shares an idea, and you roll your eyes.
Anybody who sees that -- particularly the person speaking -- is going to get the idea that you are perhaps
ridiculing what he or she said. Maybe you didn't even know that anyone saw you roll your eyes, so you
might say, “Yeah, I think that's a good idea.” But everything about your nonverbal communication seems to
contradict what you're saying.
When the verbal and nonverbal contradict each other, communication is never effective. It’s thus important to
be aware that we use both types of communication to get our messages across.
However, when we’re writing instead of speaking, there isn't any nonverbal communication. People can’t hear
us, and they can’t see our facial expressions.
This is how written messages like emails can sometimes be misinterpreted. People might read something and
think it sounds bossy, arrogant, or something other than the sender intended. In writing, this is called tone,
and it’s often easy to misinterpret because we don't have the other nonverbal signals there.
 TERM TO KNOW
Nonverbal Communication
Communication using a variety of physical codes.
 BIG IDEA
It’s important to look at our communication and be aware of the variety of ways we code information, and how
it can be interpreted. When there are contradictory messages being sent, or we're sending messages that
might be misinterpreted, we can have problems that could potentially lead to conflict.
 SUMMARY
In this lesson, you learned that when we communicate with one another, we convey information as a
series of symbols and codes. There are two broad ways in which we can communicate this
information: verbally and nonverbally. You now understand that it’s important to be aware that we
communicate in both of these ways because conflict can often arise when what we’re doing verbally
contradicts what we’re doing nonverbally. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Code
Information
A sequence of symbols that can be interpreted as a message. An awareness of things inside/outside
the self that must be encoded in symbols to be conveyed to another. "What you don't already know".
Non-Verbal Communication
Communication using a variety of physical codes.
Symbol
Verbal Communication
Communication using the code commonly called spoken or written language.
Internal and External Filters
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss some obstacles that we may encounter in the process of communication.
In particular, we’ll focus on:
1. Filters in Communication
a. External Filters
b. Internal Filters
2. Miscommunication and How to Avoid It
1. Filters in Communication
Communication is the process of moving information from person to person using symbolic codes. As you
learned previously, these codes are usually words that have put been put together using letters, or symbols,
to create information.
This information then becomes a message, or a packet of information which has been encoded and is moving
from sender to receiver.
While the communication process sounds simple, there is a lot of room for misinterpretation.
This is caused by filters, of which there are two types:
External
Internal
When communication doesn't work the way we expect it to because of these filters, we can find ourselves
frustrated and possibly in conflict.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Communication
Message
A “packet” of information which has been encoded and is moved from sender to receiver.
1a. External Filters
An external filter is an impediment to a message being received or interpreted as intended originating outside
the mind of the receiver.
Whatever is getting in the way of this message is not internal because the receiver is not thinking it in his or
her mind. Rather, this is an outside force which we can refer to as “static.”
 EXAMPLE You call your friend on the phone. She picks up her phone, but she can’t hear you because
there’s static on the line. You move around, continually asking if she can hear you better. We've all had
that experience, probably on a cellphone.
However, we don’t need technology to encounter external filters.
 EXAMPLE You could be in a restaurant, and your dinner partner can't hear you because it's very noisy.
Or you’re outside, and there is a wind blowing, so you can't hear one another. That noise is an external
force that’s getting in the way.
 EXAMPLE Sometimes the external force can be caused by something else the receiver is doing. Your
friend is talking to you, but she’s cooking dinner at the same time. Or she’s answering what her kids are
asking her, or maybe checking her email. Those kinds of activities take the receiver’s attention away from
the conversation or the message that the sender is trying to communicate.
If you're not sure that someone is going to be getting your message because of certain external filters, it's
best to think of sending the message a different way.
 EXAMPLE You might leave a voicemail and send an email so that you know the person will receive
the message in two different places. Or you might text somebody and say, “Check your email,” or “When
you have a moment, listen to the voicemail I left you.” The text is just a short little message letting the
person know that there's something that you want to communicate.
Sending messages through a variety of different mediums can sometimes be a way to avoid the external static
that can happen during the communication process.
 TERM TO KNOW
External Filter
An impediment to a message being received or being interpreted as intended originating outside the mind of
the receiver.
1b. Internal Filters
In contrast, internal filters are an impediment to a message being received or interpreted as intended
originating inside the mind of the receiver.
In other words, this type of filter is something related to how the receiver is understanding or interpreting the
message that the sender is trying to communicate.
There could be a misunderstanding of a particular word or phrase, either in context or just in general.
 EXAMPLE Let's take some of the phrases that we might throw around thinking everybody
understands them: “That was a real bitter pill to swallow.” You’re not talking about taking a literal pill here;
rather, people often use this expression to mean that it was very difficult to get a particular piece of news.
Perhaps you lose a contract at work, and you say to some coworkers that it was a bitter pill to swallow.
There might be someone in the group who doesn't understand the meaning of that phrase. Or you say to
someone, “Stop beating around the bush.” These are called idioms, and are expressions in English that a
lot of people might not understand if they aren't very familiar with the language.
 EXAMPLE This type of misunderstanding related to internal filters can also happen outside of using
idioms. A very commonly misunderstood phrase is “as soon as possible.” People use it all the time, usually
abbreviated as “ASAP.”
A lot of people interpret ASAP to mean “When I get around to it.” Other people think, “I better do it right
away.” The person sending the message could have meant that he or she wants the receiver to drop
everything and do it now, or to do it whenever there’s time.
If you don't know the meaning, and you simply act on what you think the intention is, there could be a
misunderstanding, or ineffective communication. The way you're internally filtering that expression can get in
the way, leading to a conflict.
This is why in the instance of a phrase like “ASAP,” it could be good to check. In an earlier lesson, we talked
about using a confirmation message to make sure your interpretation was correct.
 EXAMPLE If someone tells you to do something ASAP, you could reply, “What did you mean by that?
Is it OK if I get it to you by Wednesday, or do you need it by the end of today?”
Asking questions in order to clarify that the understanding is correct is very helpful whether you’re the sender
or the receiver of the message.
 TERM TO KNOW
Internal Filter
An impediment to a message being received or being interpreted as intended originating inside the mind of
the receiver.
2. Miscommunication and How to Avoid It

If we think there could be a misunderstanding in a message we want to send, it might be good to rethink how
we code and send this message.
 EXAMPLE At work, you have to write a report that you’re dreading because it has to be sent to a
variety of people in different areas and departments of the organization. This report is about some
changes that will affect the whole company, and includes some announcements about decisions. You
know this report is going to raise a lot of questions, so you’re hesitant to write it even though you know
you have to send it soon.
You decide to talk to a colleague about this issue. Your colleague suggests waiting on the status report
and scheduling a conference call instead. You schedule the conference call, in which you are able to
speak with people, receive their questions, answer the questions, and summarize what it is that you need
them to know. You can then follow up with the report.
The conference call is a more strategic way of communicating this message when the goal is to avoid what
might have been any number of internal filters on the part of the people reading this report. If they simply
read the report without any other context, they may not quite have understood, and had questions or
maybe some negative feelings about what they were reading.
That's the other thing that can get in the way: people may think you have a certain attitude about something.
They may be internally feeling a little out of sorts because they get your message, and it hits them wrong.
 BIG IDEA
When it comes to sending and receiving messages, it’s always good to:
Ask questions for clarification
Think about who is going to be receiving your message
Consider ways of communicating that can avoid both types of filters
When you do these things, you have a better chance of avoiding unnecessary conflicts.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned that filters affect communication by altering the way we either receive or
interpret a message. While external filters come from outside of ourselves, internal filters come from
the perceptions we create in our minds. You now understand that asking questions to clarify a
message and considering alternative ways of sending the message to avoid miscommunication are
good ways of reducing the possibility of a potential conflict. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Communication
External Filter
An impediment to a message being received or being interpreted as intended originating outside the
mind of the receiver.
Internal Filter
An impediment to a message being received or being interpreted as intended originating inside the
mind of the receiver.
Message
Communication Errors
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll look more in depth at the effects of miscommunication on the messages we send
and receive. Two areas of focus include:
1. How Miscommunication Occurs
2. The Importance of Confirmation Messages
1. How Miscommunication Occurs

We often think that what we hear is what the person communicating meant, and this assumption can lead to
miscommunication and conflict.
Miscommunication is a state in which a receiver has interpreted a message in a way other than that intended
by the sender of the message.
This typically happens when we don't ask for confirmation; we think we understand, but we don't confirm our
understanding.
 EXAMPLE Jean wants to send a message to Amy. This makes Jean the sender, or the person moving
information from him or herself to another. Amy is the receiver, or the person receiving information from
another. Jean tells Amy to meet her at the coffee shop.
Amy says, “Great! What time?” They talk about what time they're going to meet, and Amy's excited to see
Jean at the coffee shop.
However, Amy goes to the wrong coffee shop, and Jean's across town wondering where she is. They get
on their cell phones, and there's a conflict. Amy had interpreted “the coffee shop” to mean the one that
they typically go to. Jean claimed she told Amy that she was going to a different coffee shop.
At this point, it becomes “No you didn't, yes you did” because no one confirmed which coffee shop.
If you've ever been in a situation like that, you know what can happen when you send a message, and it's not
interpreted the way you intended.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Miscommunication
A state in which a receiver has interpreted a message in a way other than that intended by the sender of the
message.
Receiver
Sender
2. The Importance of Confirmation

Messages
=
If you remember, a message is a packet of information which has been encoded and is moved from sender to
receiver. In the example we just discussed, the message was verbal.
However, the message could have been confirmed with another phone call, or with a text. By simply sending
a confirmation message to clarify the information you received, conflict can be be avoided.
 EXAMPLE You're at work, and you get an email request from somebody on your team, saying “I need
this data immediately. Please get it to me now.”
You think that sounds bossy, and you are put off by this. What you're hearing is anger, and that this person
is upset with you, but this is merely your interpretation.
Without checking it out, you may never know that the person who sent you this email really just found out
that she has a new deadline, and thus quickly sent the message to you without intending the tone to come
across the way it did.
This can happen in not only email, but speech as well.
 EXAMPLE You may have a family member say, “You always do that.” Words like “always” and “never”
are hot button words because they can immediately get in the way of what the person is trying to
communicate to you. Without some discussion or confirmation of what the person is intending here, there
could be a conflict.
Sometimes two people can misinterpret the same word because they have different meanings for it.
 EXAMPLE Let's say you're in a meeting at work, and your boss says, “We decided that the dress code
for the conference will be casual.” You think, “Great, it's casual dress over the next day and a half.”
When you show up in jeans, you're taken aside and told, “Jeans are not considered business casual.
You're going to have to wear something other than jeans.” You didn't know this because you didn't
understand what was meant by casual, or in this case, business casual. Now you feel a bit embarrassed, as
you are in a situation that you didn't foresee because you never clarified what business casual meant in
this context.
 BIG IDEA
When we don't confirm with one another what we heard, and what we thought someone meant, it’s very
possible that we could find ourselves in conflict over miscommunication. This is why it’s always best to send a
simple confirmation message before moving ahead.
 TERM TO KNOW
Message
A “packet” of information which has been encoded and is moved from sender to receiver.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned how miscommunication occurs when the receiver of a message interprets
that message in a way other than that which the sender intended. You now understand the
importance of sending confirmation messages: By asking questions to clarify the meaning of the
information you received, you can avoid any potential conflict caused by miscommunication. Good
luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Message
Miscommunication
A state in which a receiver has interpreted a message in a way other than that intended by the
sender of the message.
Receiver
Sender
Communication Is Constant
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss how we are all constantly sending messages to be interpreted by others,
whether we realize it or not. The particular areas of focus include:
1. How We Send Messages
2. Unintentional Communication
1. How We Send Messages

There are a variety of ways we can send messages, such as through:
Words (spoken or written)

Gestures
Emails
Tweets
Blogs
Texts
All of these methods are either verbal in a spoken or written form, or nonverbal.
The way that we choose to send a message is referred to as a code, or a set of symbols with consistent
meanings used to hold and convey information. These symbols are representations of a concept in a tangible
form.
IN CONTEXT
For example, if you speak English, you use the letters of the alphabet as your symbols. You put
those letters together to form words, and then you put the words together to form a code.
If someone who doesn’t speak English wants to understand the code, he or she would be trying to
figure out what the letters in the words mean.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Code
Symbol
A representation of a concept in a tangible or otherwise perceivable form.
2. Unintentional Communication
Because there are a variety of verbal and nonverbal codes that we can use to communicate, it’s very easy to
send an unintentional message.
Unintentional communication is the interpretation of symbols observed by a receiver, but not intentionally
transmitted by the sender. In other words, you can send some sort of symbol or code without even realizing
that you’re doing it. Someone who observes this code will get a message.
If this message is correctly understood, there may not be a misunderstanding, but oftentimes there can be.
 EXAMPLE Someone is sitting in a cafe and texting. Depending on the context, the interpretation of
what that means may or may not lead to a misunderstanding. If whoever's texting is sitting in a cafe with
her peers who are also texting while having a conversation, it’s understood that no one is being rude or
ignored. Everybody is listening and texting simultaneously.
That same person goes to a business meeting and listens to the speaker while also texting. There could be
unintentional communication in this context because what the people in the meeting see, or certainly what
the person speaking sees, is someone not paying attention. Maybe that's not what this person intended;
maybe she is just busy and trying to keep up.
 EXAMPLE Facial expressions are another way this can happen. In the same meeting, someone
someone else is sitting there with a scowl on his face while you’re speaking.
Later, you bring it up with someone who knows that person well. This person says, “No, that's just what he
looks like when he’s concentrating. He gets a scowl, but it means he's listening very carefully to what
you're saying.” This individual was sending a message without realizing it; maybe he didn't even know he
was frowning. He was concentrating, but you thought he was scowling at you.
Yawning could be the same thing. You yawn because you're tired, but someone interprets it as you being
bored. These types of little things that we don't think about can often send unintentional messages to
others.
 EXAMPLE Appearance is another way that we send these messages. You show up dressed
incorrectly for a particular setting. You're coming very casual, and you were supposed to be more
business professional. Or, you go to a party, and you think, “I'm supposed to dress up here, but
everybody's casual.”
People look at the way we dress, and they make assumptions about us. Some of the assumptions might
have to do with status in terms of whether we’re wearing certain brands. For some people, that's important,
and you'll be communicating something about your status by the brand of clothing or the fashion that
you're wearing.
 EXAMPLE The way we speak also may or may not be communicating something unconsciously. You
may be around somebody who is speaking very loudly and gesticulating. You are put off by this, thinking
this person is upset. This is just the way this person communicates, but you are used to people
communicating in a more constrained fashion with lowered voices.
So when someone raises his or her voice and uses a lot of gestures, you feel like there must be something
wrong. There’s just a difference in what that means to you.
 BIG IDEA
If both people understand what certain gestures are communicating, then there likely won’t be a conflict.
However, negative unintentional communication can occur when one person does something that another
person interprets incorrectly. This is why confirming the intentions of others can be important in avoiding
conflict.
 TERM TO KNOW
Unintentional Communication
The interpretation of symbols observed by a receiver but not intentionally transmitted by the sender.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned how we send messages to one another constantly through both verbal and
nonverbal mediums. You now understand that unintentional communication occurs when a sender
transmits a message to a receiver without realizing it. If this message is misunderstood by the
receiver, conflict can arise between the parties. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Code
Symbol
A representation of a concept in a tangible or otherwise perceivable form.
Unintentional Communication
The interpretation of symbols observed by a receiver but not intentionally transmitted by the sender.
Stories and Communication
by Sophia Tutorial
WHAT'S COVERED

In this lesson, we’ll discuss how telling stories can be an effective way to communicate complex
messages. In particular, we’ll look at:
1. Stories as a Means of Communication
2. Storytelling in Conflict Resolution
1. Stories as a Means of Communication

Human beings have been telling stories since the dawn of time; stories are how we make sense of the world.
Everyone has a story, and when we share our stories with one another, we become connected.
A story can be defined as a form of verbal communication depicting real or imagined events;narrative is just
another term for story.
 BIG IDEA
Think about the last time you heard the phrase, “What's your story?” It's a very common phrase; we want to
know what another person's story is so that we can make sense of his or her actions, behavior, and beliefs.
When you hear people tell a story about an experience they've had, you get brought into that experience.
Storytelling is really the original virtual reality in that it gives us the ability to bring others into our story by
communicating it to them.
We feel as if we are experiencing what the storyteller experienced because he or she is using multiple
channels of communication.
The storyteller is not only speaking to us, but also using:
Body language
Facial expressions
Tone of voice
Eye contact
Thus storytelling is a very rich medium through which to transmit a complex message. Stories evoke the
imagination through the use of multiple codes, or sets of symbols with consistent meanings used to hold and
convey information.
 TERMS TO KNOW
Story
A form of verbal communication depicting real or imagined events.
Narrative
Another term for story.
Code
2. Storytelling in Conflict Resolution

If you don’t know someone’s story, chances are you're going to make up a story for that person. This is what
we do as human beings; we take the facts and what we observe, and we use them to make up stories that we
hold in our heads
These made-up stories are based on our:
Perceptions
Assumptions
Preconceived notions
Sometimes these stories may not be very flattering, especially when two parties are in conflict. These parties
are holding stories about each other in their heads, and these stories may or may not be accurate.
Storytelling is therefore a very powerful tool in the conflict resolution process because the process provides
an opportunity to replace a false story with the real story.
IN CONTEXT
Stories can be particularly useful in restorative justice, in which an offender actually has an
opportunity to hear the victim's story. When the offender hears this story and steps into that
experience, the impact of the offender’s wrongdoing really hits home in a way that it doesn't typically
in a courtroom setting. There is then an opportunity for restitution.
This was also true in South Africa during the Truth and Reconciliation Commission under Mandela
and Bishop Tutu. After apartheid, people were brought together, many of them victims of apartheid,
to tell their stories. They were able to speak the truth and be heard, and it was a very healing
process.
This same healing can happen in any type conflict resolution process that involves bringing two disputing
parties together.
 EXAMPLE Perhaps it's a landlord and a tenant. Rather than go to court, the landlord is sitting down
with the tenant to work out the issue. As part of the process, both parties have the opportunity to tell their
stories and listen to one another. Through this communication, one of the parties may hear something
about an extenuating circumstance that he or she did not know before.
The process of hearing a party tell his or her story in a safe, confidential environment allows the other party to
step into that experience and understand the situation from a different point of view.
This will often create an opportunity to work out an agreement that is different from what either party originally
had in mind, as the agreement can now take the mutual needs of both parties into consideration. This is very
common in the mediation process.
 EXAMPLE Two neighbors come in clashing, ready to perhaps file a restraining order or call the police.
They sit down in a mediation, and one neighbor begins to tell a story that reveals complex extenuating
circumstances about which the other neighbor had no idea. This neighbor can now replace the false story
in his or her head with this new true story, opening up opportunities for reconciliation.
The conflict resolution process not only allows false stories to be corrected and replaced, but it also provides
multiple opportunities for the parties to confirm what they have heard one another say during the process.
We’ve discussed this idea before as a confirmation message, or a message sent by sender to receiver
indicating that a message has been received, and how the message has been interpreted.
This confirmation is a chance for the parties to check out their perceptions and assumptions; simply telling
their stories to one another opens the door for that to happen.
 TERM TO KNOW
A message sent by receiver to sender indicating that a message has been received and indicating how the
message has been interpreted.
SUMMARY

In this lesson, you learned about stories as a means of communication that can provide context for a
person’s thoughts and behavior. When we don’t know another person’s story, we have the tendency
to create a (sometimes inaccurate) story for this person in our own heads. You now understand that
storytelling in the conflict resolution process allows opposing parties to share and listen to each
other’s perspectives, thus providing an opportunity for the parties to correct the false stories they
have internally constructed about one another. Good luck!
TERMS TO KNOW

Code
A message sent by receiver to sender indicating that a message has been received and indicating
how the message has been interpreted.
Narrative
Another term for story.
Story
A form of verbal communication depicting real or imagined events.

Unit 2 Tutorials Examine The Fundamentals of Conflict

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Unit 2 Tutorials Examine The Fundamentals of Conflict

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Unit 2 Tutorials: Examine the

The Role of Physiology

The Role of Emotion

Relational Nature of Conflict

Belief Systems and Assumptions

1. Beliefs and Assumptions

The relationships we have

3. Role of Belief Systems in Conflict

Does the experience confirm the belief system?

Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.

1. Perceptions and How They Are Formed

Experiences that we have

2. Influence of Perceptions on Conflict Response

Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.

1. Decisions and Cost/Benefit Analysis

New recipe pros: It looks really good, and it’s quick.

2. Factors to Consider in Decision Making

Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.

Consider the last big decision you made:

Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.

1. Potential Gain and Risk of Loss

 DID YOU KNOW

2. Gains and Losses in Conflict

Source: ADAPTED FROM SOPHIA TUTORIAL BY MARLENE JOHNSON.

1. Maximizing/Minimizing Gains and Losses

2. Creating Momentum through Agreements

Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.

2. How Cognitive Dissonance Affects Conflict

Integrate the belief

Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.

1. The Amygdala and the Fight/Flight Reaction

Fight or Flight Reaction

2. How Our Reactions Impact Conflict

Recall the last time you had a conflict with somebody:

Did you feel like your heart started to beat faster?

Being in the midst of these reactions can really affect:

Fight or Flight Reaction

1. Difference Between Response and Reaction

Fight or Flight Reaction

2. Ways of Managing the Adrenaline Response

2b. Taking a Break

Are these thoughts negative?

This is where we can substitute a more positive, affirming thought.

Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.

Fight or Flight Reaction

1. The Reaction Threshold

Fight or Flight Reaction

2. Response Strategies for Raising the Reaction

2b. Rational Assessment

Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.

Fight or Flight Reaction

1. How Courage Leads to Security and

Therefore, we may need to:

Conflict resolution is a process that allows people to:

Speak to one another

Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.

How did it feel?

3. Primary and Secondary Emotions in Conflict

What did you do?

Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.

1. The Comfort Zone

2. Fears That Prevent Change

2a. Fear of Upsetting Others