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Computer Quotes
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions,
including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. ~Doug
Larson
User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."
~Dave Barry
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
~Joseph Campbell
~David Dixon, 1998, winning entry of the Haiku Error Messages 21st
Challenge by Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau
Computers, huh? I’ve heard it all boils down to just a bunch of ones and
zeroes…. I don’t know how that enables me to see naked women, but
however it works, God bless you guys. ~From the television show King of
Queens, spoken by the character Doug Heffernan
After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching
its infancy. ~John Pierce
Hardware: where the people in your company’s software section will tell
you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company’s
hardware section will tell you the problem is. ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way
to the Top
But they are useless. They can only give you answers. ~Pablo Picasso,
about computers
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show
you how it’s done. ~Scott Adams
Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes. ~Dave
Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in
human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
~Mitch Ratcliffe
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they
make it easier to do don’t need to be done. ~Andy Rooney
Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all
kinds of neat "what if?" questions and generate thousands of numbers
instead of actually working. ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the
first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. ~One of
Murphy’s Laws of Technology
A picture is worth a thousand words but it takes 3,000 times the disk
space. ~Author Unknown
It’s not computer literacy that we should be working on, but sort of human-
literacy. Computers have to become human-literate. ~Nicholas P.
Negroponte
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord. ~Author
Unknown
The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m/sec/sec. ~Marcus
Dolengo
The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up,
there’s no law against whacking them around a little. ~Eric Porterfield
Yesterday it worked
The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of
whether submarines can swim. ~Edsger W. Dijkstra
The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that
men will begin to think like computers. ~Sydney J. Harris
There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary
and those who don’t. ~Author Unknown
There are three kinds of death in this world. There’s heart death, there’s
brain death, and there’s being off the network. ~Guy Almes
Windows NT crashed.
There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We do not believe this to be a coincidence. ~Jeremy S. Anderson
There is a computer disease that anybody who works with computers knows
about. It’s a very serious disease and it interferes completely with the
work. The trouble with computers is that you ‘play’ with them! ~Richard P.
Feynman
Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are
called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are
called software. ~Author Unknown
I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people
trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of
complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss. ~Dave Barry
A user and his leisure time are soon parted. ~Author Unknown
Apathy Error: Don’t bother striking any key. ~Author Unknown
There is a chasm
To have no errors
No struggle, no joy
~Brian M. Porter, 1998
In the old days, people robbed stagecoaches and knocked off armored
trucks. Now they’re knocking off servers. ~Richard Power
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one
that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. ~Werner von Braun
The inside of a computer is as dumb as hell but it goes like mad! ~Richard
Feynman
Unix was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that
would also stop you from doing clever things. ~Doug Gwyn
The Unix philosophy basically involves giving you just enough rope to hang
yourself. And then a couple of feet more, just to be sure. ~Author
Unknown
Unless in communicating with it one says exactly what one means, trouble
is bound to result. ~Alan Turing, about computers
Computers must be male. As soon as you commit to one you realize that if
you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model. In
order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. Big power surges
knock them out for the rest of the day. ~Author Unknown