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- Change Your Life


1- Using Your Brain For A Change (p96)

- Overcome Shyness and Social Anxiety (3.Sean Cooper, 1.Shyness And Social Anxie
ty, 2.Social Dynamix, 4.Overcoming Shyness)
1. What's shyness?
Shyness is exaggerated self-consciousness.
2. The myth of the shy gene
People do not become shy automatically when they are born, there is no shyness g
ene, people become shy because they've
learned to behave and act in a certain way, if it's break this way, the shyness
will be gone.
3. The truth about shyness
Shy is not a trait, it's only a way of acting, if you can act one way, that mean
s you can act another way too,
shy is a behavioral mode, so it's important to avoid the phrase "Im shy".
4. What's Social Anxiety?
People who experience social anxiety fear that other people
will think badly of them and believe that they are not as good as others.
This makes social situations very difficult or impossible for them.
Social anxiety goes beyond being shy. It goes beyond just being nervous when sta
nding in front of people. Social anxiety can bring on such intense fear of most
social situations. It is usually magnified when it comes to surroundings and env
ironments that are unfamiliar. A person suffering from social anxiety may feel t
hat everyone is judging and staring at them.
People who suffer from this tend to avoid any social situation that they may fee
l uncomfortable with. There is a fear of judgment or embarrassment in public. Th
e fear is usually the imagination at work, but the feeling of insecurity is ther
e even after the realization that your imagination is blowing things way out of
proportion.
5. What keeps social anxiety going?
social anxiety is linked to low self esteem and continues
because people hold long term beliefs that they are 'no good in social
situations'. These beliefs are never challenged because of avoidance safety
behaviours and self focusing when faced with social situations.
(THE TABLE P5)
6. Overcome Shyness and Social Anxiety
(Each person has its own level of shyness, some people get shy when they talk to
the opposite sex, other people get shy
when they talk to a stranger.
For curing and overcoming our shyness, firstly we should be aware of our shyness
process, when and how we be shy,
in which situations, what comes to our minds, our thoughts and our body language
.
Secondly after being aware of that, we'll do specefic techniques to change them.
)
- Get insight of your anxiety
. What situations do you get anxious or shy?
Meeting and talking to new people and to women, going to parties or going out al
one, to buy or anything, meeting and
talking with the family members I don't know well, talking to a group of people
,
. What are your thoughrs and worries?
People judge me and see me as bad and don't like me, people laughing at me, Im n
ot worthy, people are better
than me, people ignoring me, people reject me,
. What is your level of anxiety between 1-10?
4
.Do you have any physical reactions because of your anxiety?
Blush, touching my face, tight chest, butterflies, low voice, talk fastly, movin
g my feet rapidly
.What are other behaviors?
I like to avoid the situations so I always just wait it to finish and go away
- Get out of your habitual thought patter
. Make three separate columns
Event, Evidence, probability
or call it
Expectation, Fact, Realistic
.Event
1.Party marriage, People will focus on me and start looking and talk about me,
2.Store, they won't like me when I talk much
3.Family, they will judge me and focus on me and won't like me, and put pressure
on me
.Evidence
1.I already lived the same experience, Im fat and shy and not confident, Im a co
mplete stranger, Im not good, Im weird,
find out bad things about me and my personality
2.Im boring, I don't have anything interesting to say, they'll see me weird caus
e Im shy and speak slowly and Im
not confident, find out bad things about me and my personality
3.They'll know I don't do anything interesting in my life, no study and no work,
Im boring and don't know how to talk,
Im very shy and not confident, find out bad things about me and my personality
.Realistic
1.They won't care about me at all, they'll be attracted on me cause Im good look
ing, they'll smile at me and wanna know
more about me, they won't focus about me at all
2.They won't care about me at all, they won't focus about me at all
3.They will like and enjoy me, my personality and the way I talk, my inteligence
, everything about me, they'll be
attracted to me, they'll be happy
Look at how your mind try to focus on the worst scenarios that will never happen
! you only need to go a little far away
from your comfort zone.
.List down all the situations that make you feel shy or anxious, the most anxiou
s to the less anxious
.Schedule a time you'll do little steps with the easiest situation
Mindsets to have when you do that:
.Give yourself permission to fail
.Celebrate little victories
.Focus on the steps
.Reward yourself
- Talk slowly to yourself
.Keep calm
.Let yourself build up slowly
.Allow your brain to process what you are saying
.Practice reading slowly out loud
.Keeps your anxiety under control
- Observe your negative thoughts
.Be aware
.Say stop
.Find something interesting to think about
.Practice this throughout your day
- Next step
.Accept who you are
.Focus on your positive points
.Move around
.Listen to music
.Do what you got to do to put you in that state of mind
- Affirmations
- Visualize
- Breath slowly
- Stop expecting the worst and start expecting the best
- Stop paying attention to the things you don't want and focus on what you do wa
nt
- Focus on NOW and you won't have social anxiety
- Imagine the worst case scenario
.Write down three
.Close your eyes and imagine one of them now
.Over-exaggerate everything about it

Anxiety is what you feel when you think there might be a threat
Fear is what you feel when you know for certain there is a threat

- Self-esteem
. What's self-esteem?
It is a favorable impression of oneself.
. The difference between confidence and self-esteem
Confidence is a matter of being sure of yourself and self-esteem is a matter of
liking yourself

- How to change a behavior


any behavior is nothing more than set-ting up neural networks in your brain. The
fastest and easiest
way to do that is to take advantage of the mirror neurons in your brain.
copying others is exactly how you got all of your current behaviors.
.Let s take the shortcut to confidence.
1.Step one in the shortcut to confidence is to choose what you could call a conf
idence role model
Pick role models that have the kind of confi-dence that inspires you, the kind o
f confidence you d practical-
ly give your left arm to have
2. The next step in taking the shortcut to confidence is to write down a descrip
tion of their face, their voice, and their
body posture he reason it s important to write down descriptions of your role mode
l s face, voice, and body is be-
cause you need to give your mirror neurons a clear picture of what you want to b
e like so they know exactly what to copy.
3. Now all you have to do is to act like your confidence role model
I suggest you practice this on your own when you re alone, it s just easier that way
and we might as well make this as easy as possible
Here s exactly how I want you to do it and you must do it this way: Mark out two d
ifferent places on the floor at least six
or eight feet apart. You can put a piece of tape down as a visual marker or a sm
all piece of paper if that helps. Make sure the
two places on the floor are separated by a distance you d have to take several ste
ps to go from one place to the other six or
eight feet should be plenty. Next, assign one spot you marked on the floor as th
e space where you have to be you and the
other spot you marked is where you get to be your confidence role model. Start o
n the you spot. On that spot, you stand
like you always stand, you breathe like you usually breathe.
Your face is however your face usually is. Speak out loud with your normal you voi
ce by saying your name: Say my name
is and say your name. Okay, fine, on this spot you are you.
Now, look over at that other spot on the floor about six or eight feet away. Jus
t look at it. When you get over there,
you re going to become your confidence role model. You ll be-come everything you wro
te down about them.
Now go back over to the other spot on the floor again, back to the you spot. Remem
ber that on this spot you have to be
you. So go back to being yourself. Shake off being your role model.
Do that three times or more, the more you mir-ror that behavior of super confide
nce, the more you form the
neural network for super confidence in your brain.
.Pick your favorite confidence role model. When I say your favorite, I mean the
one that gives you the strongest feelings of
confidence in your body.
The set up for this exercise is the same as the shortcut to confidence exercise:
Mark out two spots on the floor about six
or eight feet apart. In one spot you have to be you and in the other spot you ge
t to be your confidence role model.
here s the part to add: When you feel the strongest, most intense feelings of conf
idence, just imagine seeing a beautiful,
attractive, desirable woman you d like to meet. As you imagine seeing her, feel al
l those incredible feelings of super confidence.
Then after the strong feelings of confidence begin to fade, just step back over
to the you spot. Shake that off and relax and
be yourself. Then repeat walking over to the super confidence spot and feel the
intense feelings of confidence again and as
you do, think about seeing a beautiful, attractive, desirable woman you want to
meet and approach.
The key to this process is the fact that you are creating a link between the fee
lings of super confidence and seeing a woman
you want to meet. That creates a conditioned response to the stimulus of seeing
a woman you d like to meet.

- How to Change Habits


We change them as I know how :)