PENTECOSTAL THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY

THE ART OF HELPING

REFLECTIVE ESSAY 1

PRESENTED TO OLIVER MCMAHAN, DMin, PnD

IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS

FOR CO701 COUNSELING SKILLS

BY

WILMER ESTRADA CARRASQUILLO

CLEVELAND, TENNESSEE

FEBRUARY 3 2011
Introduction

Why it is so hard for human beings to own their situations, decision and trials?

This was a question that has always companioned me as I was developing as a minister.

“It is not because of me.” “He or she made me do it.” Phrases like these where the ones I

used to hear most of the time as a leader or pastor. I took a while to understand that this is

a mechanism of defense. But the time when I started confronting them with the question,

why don’t you be accountable for what you are going through? Many of them didn’t like

the question. They didn’t know how to see a way out. The reason was that they invested

too much time blaming others. It wasn’t until they personalize what was going on in their

life that they could move forward.

“We grow ourselves as we know ourselves.”1 As I was reading chapter six of The

Art of Helping, I step into this phrase and it convinced on writing about this topic. This

phrase is so true. It is not only because the phrase is used in the book. I lived it, as a

pastoral counselor, but most profoundly in my personal life. This chapter made go back

to a specific time of life when I was not growing because it was easier to blame others.

The Hero

“Spiderman2 is fighting with the enemy on the train.” It's a very shocking scene.

“In that precise moment the superhero loses his mask.” Think for a moment about this.

The garb of a superhero should not brake apart. The identity of a superhero cannot be

revealed because he will lose power and show that he is an ordinary human being. Well
                                                                                                                         
1
R.R. Carkhuff, The Art of Helping 9th Edition, (Amherst, MA: Possibilities Publishing, Inc,
2009), p.131.
2
Sam Riami, Spiderman 2, (Columbia Pictures, LA 2004)
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that's what we've learned. Still, Spiderman doesn’t stops and continues his task to defeat

the enemy. This scene is part of the second leg of the trilogy of Spiderman. To my little

knowledge in comics, it was the first time that a superhero almost revealed his identity.

But this ripping of his mask was not a nuisance to keep away from his goal. He kept in

front of the derailed train until he stopped it from free falling from the broken bridge.

As already stated I’m not a comic fan, but if there is something that we all know

about superheroes is that wearing the mask gives them the power to do things you

wouldn’t be able to do with out. Despite this truth, the makers of the second part of this

movie broke the laws of the superheroes.

Taking of the Mask

God sometimes uses the most insignificant things to show us a new lesson. I lived

my life wearing masks. I had one for every place and time that I used to frequent, church,

school and my living area. As I pastor kid I had mastered this art. In church I was a great

worshiper, youth leader and Christian. At school and around my living area things were

quite different. After few years of doing this I started feeling pressure not to be caught.

Looking it at it from where I’m now it seems like I was living like a superhero. At first I

was using the mask every now. Then the time came when I couldn’t take them off. When

I did take it off I craved to put it back.

I have always asked this question, who is the real character? The man behind it?

The masked man? The same happened to me. I wasn’t sure whom I was. The best way to

work my situation was blaming others for my personality problem. Superheroes blame

others or depend on others to put their garment. I was doing the same. Since people

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around had bought the idea of “this Wilmer” why should I reveal myself?

“Personalizing is the most difficult interpersonal skill to learn and apply. It

threatens us because we are put “on the line”. We feel scared because we cannot change

until we have put ourselves “on the line”. 3 Taking of the mask was so difficult. I had to

stop looking around me and look to my own image and confront it. In words of Carkhuff

I had to personalize what I was going through. In my own words was taking of the mask.

From Superhero to Human Being

It seem like the train was never going to stop. But through the years I found that

there was not a problem with personalizing what I was living and understand that being

human is as natural as it can get. In the process of unmasking I told the Lord: “hide my

imperfections behind your grace”. Since then my perception of who I’m has changed. It

has been a process, but I'm enjoying it. In addition, everything I couldn’t achieve with the

mask, I'm getting it with the grace of God, which covers my imperfections.

There were two things that happened that help me in the process. First I had to go

through the three-step process that Carkhuff presents. In this four steps process we have

to conceptualize, internalize and specify our deficits. 4 This helped me to personalize my

situation. It is obvious that I didn’t have this terminology at time but while revisiting this

moment in my life I can confirm that in some way I walked through this “stair”. On the

other hand reading a Sunday school classic completed the work on me.

In the book of 1 Samuel 17.38-39 there is a story that freed me up. “38 then Saul
                                                                                                                         
3
R.R. Carkhuff, The Art of Helping 9th Edition, p.132.
4
R.R. Carkhuff, The Art of Helping 9th Edition, p.145.

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clothed David with his armor. He put a helmet of bronze on his head and clothed him

with a coat of mail, 39 and David strapped his sword over his armor. And he tried in vain

to go, for he had not tested them. Then David said to Saul, “I cannot go with these, for I

have not tested them.” So David put them off.”5 In Carkhuff terms this bible text made

“personalize my goal” 6. I wasn’t happy with me and I wanted to be happy. This bible

text made understand that if I saw myself through God’s lens things will work out. I can

assure it’s an ongoing process but it feels so good not use clothing that don’t fit and just

be the person that God wants me to be.

Conclusion

Where I’m right now? Understanding myself every day. As I now myself each

day I learn how to act in particular moments. I’m learning that every day I grow as

person, Christian, husband, father, friend and minister. It’s a great feeling to have the

train back on track an enjoying every site and stop of the journey. There are no more

masks, and I can’t deny that the day has come when thinking of it. But I have been steady

on my decision of being a human and not a superhero. Paraphrasing what the Apostle

Paul said, I’m not there yet, but every day I try to reach what I was reached for. Let’s

keep it rolling.

                                                                                                                         
5
Biblia.com, The Holy Bible English Standard Version (Logos Software)
6
R.R. Carkhuff, The Art of Helping 9th Edition, p.156.
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