BOOK REVIEW:

THE BOOK OF ROMANCE,

WHAT SOLOMON SAYS ABOUT LOVE, SEX AND INTIMACY

by

Michael Bittle
SID 8943314

Old Testament Wisdom Literature

OT 2CO3
Instructor: Edward Ho
June 11, 2010
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Nelson, Tommy. The Book of Romance: What Solomon Says about Love, Sex, and
Intimacy. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1998.

Pastor Tommy Nelson, author of The Book of Romance, What Solomon Says

About Love, Sex and Intimacy, is a rarity in the field of religious education. On the one

hand, he has served as the pastor of Denton Bible Church in Denton, Texas, since 1977.

On the other hand, he is also a best-selling author (Better Love Now: Making Your

Marriage a Lifelong Love Affair, 2008; A Life Well Lived: A Study of the Book of

Ecclesiastes, 2005; The Problem of Life with God: Living With a Perfect God in an

Imperfect World, 2002; and The Big Picture: Understanding the Story of the Bible, 2000).

He is a popular national marriage conference speaker and is a national platform speaker

for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Campus Crusade for Christ, Navigators and

other national ministry organizations. He has been the featured speaker for the METRO

Bible Study in Dallas, Texas, since 1993, reaching approximately 2,500 young adults

each week. He has been featured on television and radio shows such as Focus on the

Family, FamilyLife Today, Josh McDowell, For Faith and Family, and other national

broadcasts in the USA. With both a Bachelor's Degree in Education and a Master of Arts

in Biblical Studies, Nelson describes himself as “a dynamic teacher and communicator of

God’s Word.” (book jacket).

In The Book of Romance, Pastor Nelson sets out to present the Song of Solomon

(as he refers to it throughout the book) as God’s romance and relationship “instruction

manual so that we might truly live with the joy and intensity of satisfaction that He

created us to experience.” (p. xiii). Nelson represents the Song of Solomon as describing

the relationship between “a young woman from a lowly place” who fell in love with
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Solomon, and he with her. It presents their story as a gradual progression from their first

meeting, to courtship, to marriage, and spending life together.

Nelson’s book offers a proscriptive guideline for individuals and couples to

develop lifelong, committed relationships and, as such, the book reflects Nelson’s

pastoral style and personal beliefs about the nature of marriage in the 21st century. Over

the course of nine chapters, Nelson reflects on his personal experiences with his wife of

30 years and follows a hypothetical couple as they pass through five phases in building

their lifelong relationship (attraction, dating, courtship, sexuality and marriage) and

relates their experiences to specific selections taken from the Song of Solomon. In

addition, Nelson gives considerable attention to marital conflict and conflict resolution.

In the opening chapter, “Who Are You Looking For? (Song of Solomon 1:1-8)”,

Nelson discusses how we typically use physical attractiveness to identify future mates,

and contrasts that with the biblical example of Abraham seeking a wife for Isaac (Gen

24:3-8), and relying upon God to provide guidance. By interacting with select passages

from Song of Solomon, Nelson offers pastoral advice on how to discern “spiritual”

attractiveness by looking at how a prospective dating partner responds to stress, by

learning about their reputation with others, and seeing how they submit to authority, and

recommends that men “marry a girl with some grit in her” who is hardworking and

obedient to authority (Song 1:6).

The second chapter, “The Person You Choose to Date (Song of Solomon 1:9 –

2:7)”, uses an analogy about the requirements for building a successful fire – starting off

with kindling and lighter fluid and then adding some “serious firewood” – for building a

successful relationship. Nelson goes on to use selected quotes from Song to provide a
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formula for successful dating: time, a “no-strings attached” policy, and respect. For

example, in a message of restraint and caution against premarital sex, Nelson interprets

Song 2:7 as an admonition by Solomon: “I adjure you, young women, do not … awaken

sexual passions before they can be rightfully expressed within the marriage relationship”

(p. 39-40), which is an odd comment coming from such a sexually active man.

In the third chapter, Nelson discusses “The Wonderful Period of Courtship (Song

of Solomon 2:8 - 3:5)”. He begins by describing courtship as a “growth experience”,

employs Proverbs 25:16 as a caution against “too much, too soon” (p. 61), and then uses

Song 2:10-14 as a “wonderful picture” of a relationship that is becoming deeper,

exclusive, and naturally leading to being “together before God” in marriage.

In Chapter Four, “The Wedding God Desires for You to Have (Song of Solomon

3:6-11)”, Nelson unabashedly cites several passages in Song to support his charge that

young couples should “have a holy, pure, joyful wedding celebration” followed by a

“glorious, rapturous, and steamy wedding night”. For example, Nelson says that a

couple’s wedding should have parental approval, and quotes Song 3:11 as an illustration.

The fifth chapter is entitled “The Honeymoon … at Last (Song of Solomon 4:1 –

5:1)”. This chapter contains perhaps the greatest number of references to Song, not

surprisingly, as it deals primarily with sexual activity between a husband and wife that is

described in great detail in Song. Nelson talks about having mutual respect, building

passion and desire, and enjoying the sexual encounter fully.

Chapters six and seven deal with “Conflicts (Song of Solomon 5:2 – 6:3)” and

“The Resolution of Conflict (Song of Solomon 6:4 – 13”. Nelson draws Biblical quotes

from Proverbs, 1 Thessalonians, 1 Peter, John, 1 Kings, Romans as well as multiple

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quotes from Song to present a 6-stage program for avoiding and dealing with marital

conflicts.

In Chapter Eight, “Moving to Deeper levels (Song of Solomon 7:1 – 8:4)”,

Nelson talks about factors that kill romance in a relationship and how to keep romance

“alive” in a marriage, quoting Song 7:11-12 twice in this chapter to emphasize his points.

Finally, in Chapter Nine, “Faithful Commitment (Song of Solomon 8:5-14)”,

Nelson emphasizes the need for a lifelong, faithful commitment.

Nelson’s interpretation of the Song of Solomon makes for interesting reading but

reflects mostly "personal opinion" unsupported by the biblical text or any underlying

research. The book is replete with interesting stories with significant entertainment value,

and offers solid advice to couples looking for a D-I-Y (do-it-yourself) guide to

relationships. A close read of The Book of Romance, though, shows his use of the Song of

Solomon to underpin his arguments is simply masterful marketing. He offers only the

most simplistic two-character dramatic interpretation of what is possibly the least

understood book in the Tanakh. He ascribes one-dimensional character traits to Solomon

(for example, spousal faithfulness), which can not be construed as realistic under any

circumstance and essentially “plugs in” quotes from Song simply to lend Biblical

credence to his own thoughts about dating and marriage. Indeed, he assigns Solomon as

the author of the Song of Solomon without any reflection on alternative sources.

Essentially, Nelson has offered a typological interpretation of the Song of

Solomon. He has adopted a literal-didactic view of the Song, reading the romantic

expressions in the Song quite literally while embracing the idea that the Song teaches us a

moral lesson about enduring love. As such, the book offers no critical analysis of the
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Song of Solomon: Nelson avoids even mentioning the various alternate interpretations of

the scripture and any implications of its genre and structure. He has completely ignored

the possibility of a three-character approach and thankfully has not fallen into the

allegorical trap offered by the Targum, Origen or Martin Luther that, while it might be

academically fascinating, would not translate well into popular literature. The book offers

no footnotes or bibliography.

Over the past decade, Pastor Nelson has developed a media ministry and The

Book of Romance was an early piece of his “media pie”. Indeed, he succeeds admirably

in achieving his primary purpose for this book - to be popular literature. His writing style

is ‘auditory’, which is to say that the book appears to have been intended to be read aloud.

This is not surprising, as the book originated out of a teaching/ preaching series which

Pastor Nelson delivered to his church, entitled “The Song of Solomon: A Study of Love,

Sex, Marriage and Romance” which is also available for purchase. The book is logically

presented, moves from section to section seamlessly, and is an “easy read” with a Flesh-

Kincaid grade level of only 8.9, particularly well-suited for a primarily American

audience.

Even though Nelson handles the Biblical text lightly and loosely, at the same time,

he offers solid practical advice based on over twenty years of pastoral experience. The

two chapters on conflict resolution could be especially helpful, particularly to couples

unaccustomed to positive and effective communications and problem solving. As a

teaching tool for a Christian marriage preparation/counselling course, or even for

personal reflection on a specific relationship issues, The Book of Romance could be a

very useful resource.