Top5 Canadian News Reports | Yolkobsens Elephants Work

for Peanuts

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Yolkobsens Elephants Work for Peanuts

Yolkobsens watch the smorgasbord of news currently teasing and testing brain synapses here in our
South Annex compound and we have chosen a few flash bulletins, compelling and newsworthy.
The following is a round up of interesting items we found for your edification on Canadanewsreport.
First, let’s look at the mighty animal world and the people who keep track of them. Note, we are not
talking about the Canadian House of Commons and the Ottawa press corps.
The National Academy of Science is trumpeting news elephants are even smarter than we thought.
What’s wrong with these eggheads; have they not red Babar? In any case, they are reporting revelations
the wily pachyderms possess an even greater capacity for co-operation than previously assumed by
scientists. It seems elephants’ propensity for teamwork is right up there with chimpanzees and dolphins.
Now, if only we could get them working on the national gun registry or the Maple Leafs.
What they lack in speed and stick handling prowess, they make up for in remembering plays and
helping their brothers in arms get the puck into the net. Plus they work for peanuts. Sorry.
In other news, the Psychological Science journal recently revealed details of experiments that tell us
people make better decisions when they have a full bladder. As usual, the double blind study format
was used. Some test participants where asked to quaff enough water to make their bladders full rather
quickly. Others were not invited to drink copious volumes of fluids. At the end of the session where all
were asked to do something that really had nothing to do with what was really being tested, subjects
were asked to make a decision. Did they want $16 right away or could they wait 35 days to get $30.
Turns out the ones with the full bladders made the best decision, choosing the latter. Interesting. Maybe
they just didn’t want to wait around while someone looked for the 16 bucks. Cheque is in the mail was
fine for the more rushed participants. You need an advanced degree to study this?
Yolkobsens read with interest that Mayor Rob Ford is handing out vote song sheets to the conservative
bloc at Toronto City council. These rightwing supporters of the Mayor have a lot of stuff to vote on so
they’ve actually been handed a how-to and what-to document. It’s called a “Recommended Voting
Strategy.” Apparently, there is a set of hand signals, just like ones between baseball pitchers and
catchers, for those motions that have not been described on the crib sheet.
Looks like Mayor Ford is channeling Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s manual for controlling the
troops with ham-fisted discipline. It’s called the “May Way or the Highway” version of democracy.
If you are a member of the Bloc Ford and you vote your conscience and represent the interest of your
constituency before that of the Mayor, your political career is stymied. For example, you don’t get to
keep or look forward to having good spot on the city’s pivotal advisory committees.
Eventually, that kind of short-leash politics backfires. It leaves the counselors between a rock and a
hard place. Unfortunately, it takes a while so we are in for a lesson in obedience for some time from our
more conservative-minded counselors.
Okay, but if you vote out one ice rink or close one swimming pool too many in your riding, Mr. or Ms.
Counselor, you can look for a rough ride come next municipal election. Oh, and your constituency staff
won’t have time to do anything but answer the phone for you in the meantime.