Emotional Intelligence Lesson 3: Anxiety Management

Step A

Self – Assessment : Explore

Read each statement, determine whether the statement applies to you Most Often (M),
Sometimes (S), or Least Often (L) and circle the applicable letter number combination.

M=2 S=1 L=0

1 Situation: When I am really angry at someone, I usually feel M=2 S=1 L=0
anxious or confused about what to say

2 When I am really angry at someone, I usually think, that I should not M=2 S=1 L=0
express my anger directly.

3 When I am really angry at someone, I usually behave by not saying M=2 S=1 L=0
anything to the person so as not to hurt the person’s feelings

4 Situation: When someone is really angry at me, I usually feel M=2 S=1 L=0
confused and afraid or the need to avoid the person.

5 When someone is really angry at me, I usually think that I am M=2 S=1 L=0
probably at fault or that the person does not like me.

6 When someone is really angry at me, I usually behave by backing M=2 S=1 L=0
off, apologizing or not really saying what I feel.

7 Situation: When I communicate with an “authority” person, I M=2 S=1 L=0

usually feel nervous and hesitant about approaching the person.

8. When I communicate with an authority person, I usually think that I M=2 S=1 L=0
really shouldn’t bother the person or take up too much time.

9. When I communicate with an “authority” person. I usually behave M=2 S=1 L=0
apologetically and awkwardly toward the person

10 Situation: When a person makes an important request of me, I M=2 S=1 L=0
usually feel uncomfortable saying either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the request.

11 When a person makes an important request of me, I usually feel M=2 S=1 L=0
nervous or anxious about refusing the request

12. When a person makes an important request of me, I usually behave M=2 S=1 L=0
in the way the person wants to refuse and apologize for my response.

13. Situation: When I make an important request of a person, I usually M=2 S=1 L=0

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 feel anxious or reluctant about approaching the person

14. When I make an important request of a person, I usually think that I M=2 S=1 L=0
really should not be imposing on or bothering the person.

15. When I make an important request of a person, I usually behave M=2 S=1 L=0
hesitantly or awkwardly while making the request.

16 Situations: When I am around a new group of people, I usually feel M=2 S=1 L=0
anxious or confused about how to start a conversation.

17 When I am around a new group of people, I usually think that they M=2 S=1 L=0
are more relaxed than I am or that I don’t have much say.

18 When I am around a new group of people, I usually behave M=2 S=1 L=0
cautiously and wait until someone comes to talk to me

Stop and add your score (Max. score = 36) TOTAL SCORE

Step B

Self – Awareness: Identify

Communication is especially difficult under stressful conditions. Deference is a pattern

of communication that must be converted to the powerful, emotional skill of Anxiety
Management.

2 4 6 10
LOW
A low score on Deference is
positive. This means that you
are claiming Anxiety
Management as a current
strength. Continue to find ways
to refine and enhance the
Anxiety Management skill
14 18 22
STRENGTHEN
You currently identify the
Anxiety Management skill as
one that is at an average level
of development. You can
improve this skill and make it
a strength.
26 30 32 36
HIGH
A high score on Deference
indicates a potential problem
area. You can benefit from
learning and improving the
Anxiety Management skill.
Work through the lesson to
fully develop the important
interpersonal communication
and relationship skill of
Anxiety Management.

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 Step C

Self –Development: Learn

Most people who use the deference communication style score high in feeling sensitivity
(empathy) and a re very kind and polite people A deferring person is often sensitive and
does not want to say things that are hurtful or painful to others. Assertive communication
allows you to maintain your sensitivity while still being true to your own thoughts and
feelings.

Exercise
How you communicate depends on the situation. Use the following guide to learn the
process of changing your communication style. Describe a recent incident or situation
where you deferred to someone else.

When did it start?

_______________________________________________________________________
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__

How often does it occur?

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
__

Under what conditions?

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
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Who is present?

_______________________________________________________________________
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What happens just prior?

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_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
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What happens afterward?.

_______________________________________________________________________
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What are your feelings about your nonassertive behavior in this situation
_______________________________________________________________________
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How could you act more assertively

_______________________________________________________________________
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Predict the outcome of your assertive behaviour.

_______________________________________________________________________
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Exercise

Complete the following exercise and use it as you develop the Anxiety Management
emotional skill into an intentional habit.

A EXPLORE How do you think, and behave when you use this skill?

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
___

Cognitive Focus. Managing Anxiety so that I can say what I really think and feel

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
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Emotional Focus. Feeling better about dealing with fear

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
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Action Focus. Choosing assertion when in stressful situations

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
___

B. IDENTIFY Provide your personal definition of Anxiety Management.

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
___
_______________________________________________________________________
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__

C. UNDERSTAND Describe the importance of Anxiety Management

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
__BENEFITS:___________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_____

D. LEARN Describe how to learn Anxiety Management

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
___

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_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
__

E. APPLY AND MODEL List ways to practice

_______________________________________________________________________
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