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March 21st, 2011

Dear Veena O¶Sullivan
Head of the HIV Unit
Tearfund

Thanks for making mi participation in the launch of the Tearfund report ›
  

   
       
  
 on March 21st in

Lambeth Palace (London)

http://tilz.tearfund.org/Topics/HIV+and+AIDS/Silent+No+More+Report+and+Event.htm

I read the document carefully and I am very happy to engage in this kind of advocacy. I
sign on the pledge and will call on other not to be silent in regards to sexual violence.

www.wewillspeakout.org

As a daughter of an evangelical pastor, a rape survivor and HIV positive advocate, these
issues are very close to my heart. I can tell you the worst experience of my life is the
experience of rape. HIV made me a better human being in many ways, it made practice
solidarity, find a goal and purpose for my life, but rape, it just left with scars in my soul.

I remember sometime a Christian organization tried to address the issues, but it was not
easy. Sadly some of the reasons were these:

` Most church and religious leaders are men, and as such, they often fail to recognize
the power they have, yes they might be Christian but they are still men who grow up
in the teachings of the dominating gender system, which hardly recognized the
voices and rights of women.
` hen trying to do some work related to sexual violence, often the religious
communities, we tend to "spiritualize" the topic, especially if violence was
committed against children, even saying things like this: -

 

   



 

  

 
  -

Addressing sexual violence needs prayers but much more than prayers, at least it needs:

` Immediate protection for the rape survivors, changing the conditions of immediate
danger for her/him, for example if they managed to collect courage to set a demand
in the police, they have to be taken away from the danger, often the house (the
official statistics show how much sexual violence is committed by people who are
closely related to the victims). Some of these perpetrators, can certainly kill a victim
who dares go to the police, this is why, for many women just getting off an abusive
relationship, is simply not a choice. Perpetrators can kill their victims.
` Secondly, immediate medical care and psychological support for the victim is
needed, for example, providing access to emergency contraception pills and
 prophylaxis post exposition for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections. If the
victims are minors, often they will require the permission of the parents, and that
requirement will limit the possibility of accessing lifesaving medications, the church
can and should provide this.

During the meeting I was thinking, why can¶t each church have a shelter for women and
children who survived sexual violence? Can you imagine the power of that kind of
support? Only if it is non-judgmental, I know it will work, because when one has been
raped, thinks the church is a place where it is possible to find help.

Sometimes church leaders will not believe the story of children about rape or will tell
the women to stay in peace, because of the mandate to submit to their husbands. Yes, in
the long term we have to try to help the rape survivors to forgive, because of their own
well being, but for the perpetrators, regardless of who this person was, there is need to
call for justice. Forgiveness has to heal the victim while acknowledging the fact that
there was injustice.

` Long term psychological care and sometimes even psychiatric care for the rape
survivors is very important. This is needed in order to prevent long term effects like
eating disorders (I had anorexia and bulimia for 5 years), alcohol or drug abuse or
suicide attempts.
` Long term actions to restore the dignity of the victim, it could be setting a formal
denounce in the police and following until the perpetrator until he/she/them are in
jail (otherwise the victim is not safe).
` Care and support groups to begin the process of forgiveness, restoration and
reconciliation are needed, this can take time.
` Forgiveness is the most difficult part, forgive who:

-To the perpetrator(s)

-To the mother (when sexual violence happened during childhood, often the victim is angry
because the mother or someone did not care for him/her)
- To him/her self
- To God it does not mean God did something wrong but the victim feels God might be
punishing him/her, abandoning the person and letting the violence happen.
- It is also needed to forgive one's self, why? Because many nights when it is bed time and
the activities of the day are finished, one thinks: why did I not run? hy did not I do
something to avoid this to happen? In this way, one fuels the feeling of GUILT for one's
self (in reality is the devil), this is why many rape survivors attempt suicide.

Susan Sontang (well known writer on cancer) analyzed the relationship between GUILT
and cancer, being a cancer patient herself, she wrote about this; she found out that many
people with cancer had hard judgments towards themselves, not being able to forgive
themselves, which was the beginning of cancer activity.

The Bible and psychology speak about the power of forgiveness for mental, physical and
spiritual health, lack of forgiveness to one's self and to other, leads to loss of health and
activities that perpetuates the violence, for example women not being able to get off from
abusive relationships, even if they change partners, the model is the same.

Complete forgiveness sets a rape victim free, but it is really difficult to forgive your rapists,
I imagine even more if those have been your parents, cousins, brothers, close relatives. The
least cases of rape survivors are committed by strangers (war, strangers on the streets, etc.),
most rapists are people who are close to the victims.

` Re-building trust in order to continue life, even if this means getting married to a
man (many women who survived rape will tend to see ALL men as abusive because
of what one man did to them).
` If the violence was public, the community needs to give back dignity to the victim,
sometimes this is also very difficult, because it is true that many people will think
she/he is guilty, somehow provoked the violence.
` Sexual abuse against children has very deep impact on the identity of people unless
a miracle happens; in adults it is also difficult. For children and for many women,
rape happens right there in their homes where they are supposed to be safe.
` Rape makes people more vulnerable to HIV, maybe is not the direct cause of HIV
transmission but the remembrance of it will have such deep impact on the mental
health of the victim that the person will not take care of her/him self and perpetuate
the violence in a vicious cycle of relationships that reinforce her/his identity as a
victim. Rape makes you vulnerable to HIV and to all forms of violence.
` Transforming one¶s self from feeling a VICTIM to a SURVIVOR is a very difficult
and long path but it can happen, understanding that we have been victims that time
(one night, during the war, those years, etc), but deciding not to live like victims
forever. However many people are not able to see themselves as people who have a
second chance, and continue to live like victims all their lives.

Finally, don't give the idea of rape is something necessarily linked to war or conflict, right
here in the very reach and developed United Kingdom, many women and children, in a
daily basis, are surviving rape.

Rape is always horrible, we can't compare the pain of someone who has been penetrated to
one who has been touched or forced to watch sexual acts, and the pain of sexual violence is
measured against the pain of the victim.

I often speak about my experience as a rape survivor and HIV positive advocate since 2000.
My decision to speak about sexual violence, had all kinds of reactions, some people told
me: X  
 

 



    



But how can anyone who praises God be silent about injustice? Bringing God¶s kingdom
means to bring about justice and to oppose injustice.

hen I go to talk to churches, youth camps and meetings, most of the people who come to
talk to me after the talk, are not HIV positive, but rape survivors, both women and men.
This is why I am now dedicating more time during my speeches to speak about rape, I think
we have no real idea of how many women, men and children actually have been abused, we
guess with the data, but only based on people who go to police, sadly those are the less.

If we made a research inside Christian churches (caring enough for the confidentiality of
the information), we ILL SURELY learn about higher numbers of rape survivors, as
adults or children.

People don't speak about rape, because it is shameful but, when you see broken lives,
marriages that don't work, women who can trust men, men who are abusive, then you can
think about linkages to sexual violence.

The 2 women living with HIV who came to my house for leadership training survived
violence, one was almost killed by the former husband (who passed away with AIDS, but
she still thinks he is alive and will appear any moment and kill her as he promised). The
other woman, survived rape, the rapist was her father. There is enough evidence that
documents that perpetrator number 1 of girls, are biological fathers, not strangers on the
street.

Please«

` Don't give the idea that this happens only during wars and only in Africa, all over
the world, rape is happening right now.
` Don't think men of faith don't have violent acts (including rape).

I recently came from a Christian youth camp in Bolivia. Ana, a 28 year old woman came to
talk to me, she was not HIV positive but she survived rape committed by her cousin. Now
she thinks she is not a woman of value. hen she asked for help in the evangelical church,
the pastor took her for a ³private ministry´, and he prayed for her and put his hand inside
her vagina! She left scared and confused. Ana asked a trusted sister in the church about this
kind of ministry, the woman said it was normal, something similar to the gynecologist test!
Ana felt so uncomfortable, full of shame; she decided to abandon that church. She asked
me, if they can't help me in the church, who can help me?

I cried with Ana, and told her this kind of ministration is NOT NORMAL, I asked the name
of this pastor and yes, I will go back to that city and confront this ³pastor´, because I can't
be silent when I know about injustice and sin even more if it is committed by spiritual
leaders, sadly this is the way the church leaders and members act many times.

I told her I can't compare her pain with mine, but what I am sure about is the power of
forgiveness and how free I felt after forgiving my rapists. I asked her to please help herself
and decide to forgive, even if she did not feel likely, I told her, once she took the decision
to forgive, God would being to restore her, I affirmed she was already a NE CREATION.

The scars of rape can remain forever, but God can make a new work out of it. This is why I
wrote the article (in Spanish):               
thinking God restores our lives in the way I restored my broken mirror, you can see the
picture and the article in this link
http://es.scribd.com/doc/33867842/Que-hacer-con-un-espejo-y-un-corazon-rotos

I shared with her my lemma for living daily life:

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I shared with her this Bible text, which has been a great source of comfort for me, and
continues to be, because the restoration of a rape survivor is a life time process:

X

 






 
 










 
  





 



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