Bismillahirrahmanirrahim[1.

1]
E.Q: memahami orang lain (suami/isteri/anak-anak)(25
MAC 2011)
Every Muslim needs a helpful, loving family- to turn to, to share joys and
hardships with, and to reciprocate affection.

“(And appoint for me a helper from my family: Haroon [Aaron], my brother.

Increase my strength with him, and let him share my task [of conveying Allah’s
Message and Prophet Hood]. That we may glom you much, and remember you
much.” [surah Taha verse 29-34]

“They are but Awliya’ [friends, protectors, helpers, etc.] to one another.”[surah Al
Maidah verse 51]

“And He has united their [ believers] hearts.”[surah Al An’am 63]

“(The believers are nothing else than brothers [in Islamic religion].”[surah Al Hujurat verse10]

Life has taught me to put into practice something that has never failed me: to
moderately express my approval of others.

“And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe
and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you... “[surah Ali
Imran verse 159]

Moderation and justice are called for:

“Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.”[surah At Talaq verse 3]

Try to be understanding towards others:

“Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish [i.e. don't
punish them].”[surah Al A’raf verse 199]

“Let them pardon and forgive.”[surah An Nur verse 22]

“Those who repress anger, and who pardon men….”[surah Ali Imran verse 134]

“And when they are angry, they forgive.”[surah Asy Syuraa verse 37]

“And when the, foolish address them [with bad words] they reply back with mild words of
gentleness.”[surah Al Furqan verse 63]
“Repel [the evil] with one which is better [i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient
at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly], then verily! He, between whom
and you there was enmity, [will become] as though he was a close friend.”[surah Fussilat verse
34]

Therefore, if you hear malicious words from someone, do not answer back, it will only result in
multiplying one attack into ten. Earning the respect of others also contributes to bringing you
happiness.

In life, I have been especially impressed by those who are charismatic in their dealings, those who
seem to attract others magnetically by their good character. They always wear a smile for others, they
have honest tongues, and their hearts are free from jealousy and rancor.

With the permission of Allah, it is within the reach of every one of us to achieve acceptance among
the people of the earth. This acceptance is not bought with treasures or wealth, but it is earned through
sincerity towards Allah, truthfulness, the love of Allah and His Messenger (BPUH), a love for
spreading well to others, and a lowly opinion of one's own self.

To achieve these and other good qualities, we must make an honest effort, because they require an
upward climb. Evil characteristics are easily achieved for whoever wants them, for they demand only
a downward descent. An Arab poet said:

"The evil character soon ceases to feel his wickedness; a bodily injury causes no pain for the dead."

“Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former; nor let
[some] women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former....”[surah Al
Hujurat verse 11]

You are a unique entity, and since Allah created Adam (may peace be upon him), no two
people are exactly alike in appearance.

“...and the difference at your languages and colors.”[surah Ar Rum verse 22]

Why then, do we wish to be exactly alike in other matters, such as characteristics and talents?
The beauty of your voice is in its uniqueness and the beauty of your appearance is in its being
specific to you.

To get off to a good start every day, a husband should smile when he meets his wife and vice
versa. This smile is an introductory announcement of agreement and compromise.

"A smile in your brother's face is charity."And the Messenger of Allah (BPUH) always wore a
smile on his face.

“Greet one another with a greeting from Allah [i.e. say: As-Salaamu Alavkum] blessed and
good.”[surah An Nur verse 61]
“When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it or [at least]
return it equally.”[surah An Nisa’ verse 86]

Also, upon resuming one's domestic life, by which I mean, upon entering one's home, one
should always make the prescribed supplication:
"O' Allah, I ask you for the best of entries and the best of exits. By Allah's name do we enter and
by Allah's name do we exit. And upon Allah, our Lord, do we place our trust."

To speak in a friendly tone also breeds understanding in the home:

“And say to my slaves [i.e. the true believers of Islamic Monotheism] that they should [only] say
those words that are the best.”[surah Al Isra’ verse 53]

Would that both husband and wife remember the good points of the other, forgetting the
negative ones? When a husband keeps the positive aspects of his wife in his mind while
forgetting (or at least blocking out) her defects, he will find peace and happiness.

“And had it not been for the Grace of Allah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever
have been pure from sins. But Allah purifies [guides to Islam] whom He wills, and Allah is All-
Hearer All-Knower.”[surah An Nur verse 21]

We as humans can become angry and irritable. Therefore, when we speak about or search for
domestic bliss, we should keep the concept of relative happiness in mind, and not total
happiness.The husband must remain quiet when his wife becomes angry and vice versa, at least
until the anger subsides.

Ibn al-Jawzi said in Sayd al-Khaatir:

"When your companion becomes angry and says something that is unwarranted, you should not
take it too hard. His situation is that of a drunken person who is not aware of what is taking
place. Instead, be patient, even if it means only for a little while. If you reciprocate his words
with harsh words of your own, you become like the sane person who seeks revenge on a
madman, or the conscious person who seeks retribution from an unconscious one. Look at him
with a merciful eye and pity him for his actions."

Know that as soon as he awakes from this state, he will feel regretful for what happened, and
he will come to recognize your value because of your patience. You should especially be patient
if the angry person is either a spouse or a parent. Let them say whatever they want until they
calm down and do not hold them accountable for their words. Whenever the angry person is met
with anger, his anger will fail to subside, even after he has revived from his state of drunkenness.

Some of the wise said:

"We are still not satisfied with ourselves, so how then can we expect ourselves to be satisfied
with others."

“So overlook their faults with gracious forgiveness.”[surah Al Hijr verse 85]
"Semulia-mulia manusia ialah siapa yang mempunyai adab, merendahkan diri ketika
berkedudukan tinggi, memaafkan ketika berdaya membalas dan bersikap adil ketika kuat." ~
Khalifah Abdul Malik bin Marwan.

"Memahami orang lain adalah kebijaksanaan, memahami diri sendiri adalah pencerahan." Lao
Tzu (600-531 SM), Filsuf China.

"Rahsia untuk berjaya ialah menghormati orang lain."