Better E-mail Writting

Writing better E-mails

C-TDC Vitality Session 1 Feb 23, 2009 © 2009 IBM Corporation

 Better Email Writing

Agenda Items

 Why e-mails are important

 Common problems with E-mail

 Qualities of powerful writing

 Questions to ask before you send an e-mail

 E-mail structure and formatting

 What to avoid in e-mails

 Email Etiquette checklist

2 C-TDC Vitality Session Feb 23, 2009 © 2009 IBM Corporation

 Better Email Writing

Why E-mails are important

 It is the primary method of communication in the workplace
– Quick and Inexpensive way of exchanging information

 Reduces phone tags – when communicating with hard-to-reach people

 Conveys Information/Queries/Answers easier and more quickly than via

POST (support tickets, shopping/travel enquiries)

 Sends documents over long distance in moments (Proposals, expense

sheets, ...)

 Keeps a lot of people informed (CC)

 Allows for team collaboration overseas (Virtual teams)

3 C-TDC Vitality Session Feb 23, 2009 © 2009 IBM Corporation

 Better Email Writing

Common problems with E-mail

 Misunderstanding
– Missing body language, voice tone, facial expressions
 Loss of confidentiality
– Conveying private/confidential information
 Damaging relationships
– Offensive content and tone
 Wasted time
– Careless email filing, irrelevant emails, long/cluttered emails
 Loss of credibility and reduced productivity
– Badly written emails
• (Poor structure and errors in spelling, grammar, punctuation)
• (Poor W riting resulting in unclear information)

4 C-TDC Vitality Session Feb 23, 2009 © 2009 IBM Corporation

 Better Email Writing

Qualities of Powerful Writing

 Content is Informative and BRIEF
– with ONLY reader's needed information
 Attractive Format
– Short, to the point, easy to read and get information from
 Even-tempered Tone
– not overly dramatic or too formal
 No Clutter
– no wasted, redundant, complicated words/phrases
 Rhythm
– Smooth, natural, nicely mixed sentences and paragraphs
 Good mechanics
– observes spelling, punctuation, and grammar

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Plan for emails that get RESULTS

 For EVERY e-mail you send, ask yourself 6 questions (no matter how pressed you are for time)
1 Is e-mail the appropriate choice for this message ?
1 NO Confidential information or Sensitive topics
(e.g. Perf. issues, rumours, appraisals, criticism, venting of feelings) > use face-to-face or phone conversation instead

2 Why am I writing this e-mail?

1 To influence one to do something OR To inform one to take action/decide
(e.g. Request for comments/agenda) (e.g. Computer outage announcement)
3 What is the main point / most important message ?
1 Focus on 1 primary purpose (e.g. Thank a person, sell something, ask for help)
4 Who is my intended recipient?
1 Technical, non-technical, familiar, unknown, executive, mix
5 What information should I include? What does my reader need to know?
State ONLY information that should answer ALL the reader’s questions CLEARLY
1 To influence -> state why you want the reader to do this action.
2 To inform -> state information the reader will need to make the decision/take the action
6 What is the best way to organize the information?
1 The main point is at the beginning - all the other points relate clearly to that main point.
2 Readers never have to skip around to figure out what you’re trying to say.

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Main point /most important message - Examples

 Do you need to ask someone a question? What’s the question?
– How long will it take to get preliminary cost estimates for the redesign?
 Are you sending someone a document? What are you sending and why?
– The attached proposal describes details of the health care plan we can provide your employees,
including costs
 Do you want to get buy−in for an idea or a course of action? What is the idea or course of action? What is
the key benefit?
– Our marketing group has concluded that we could raise our prices by 10% without losing sales
 Do you want to make your opinion known? What is your opinion?
– We should postpone the decision about where to relocate until we know more about the county’s
redevelopment plan.
– After much consideration, I think that it would not be cost effective to reduce staff at this time
 Do you want to justify a request? What are you asking for, and why should your reader say yes?
– To meet the deadline stipulated in the contract, we need to hire two temporary programmers
immediately.
– Would you be willing to meet me for coffee on Wednesday or Thursday of next week? I would like both
of us to explore and discuss possible opportunities for working together in the Blue Harmony project

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 Better Email Writing

Main point /most important message - Examples

 Do you want to give advice? What is the advice, and what’s the key reason the reader should listen to you?
– If you still plan to volunteer as Annual Fund raiser, you might want to speak with last year’s raiser to find
out how much of your time the job is likely to require.
 Do you want to sell something? What do you want to sell and what’s the key reason the reader should buy it?
– The next generation of our project planning software has a unique feature that allows team members to
be more productive by communicating with each other in real time.
 Do you want to thank someone or show appreciation? What are you thanking the person for?
– On behalf of the company, I want to thank everyone in the accounting department for getting the
numbers in ahead of schedule
 Do you need to ask to take an action ? Follow up on an action?
– The ICA should be open so we can bill our support effort. I appreciate your effort in speeding up the
ICA creation process.
– Support will begin as soon as the ICA is created. Kindly create the ICA asap.
– In this example, an introductory sentence was made before the main point, to soothe or introduce or
even the tone

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E-mail Structure and formatting

 Subject Line

 Salutation

 Closing

 Signature

 Content/Body

 Attachments

 Proofreading

 Tone

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Subject Line
 DO NOT ignore subject Line - It can be the most important part of
the message
– A successful subject line will ensure your message is read and gets the
attention it needs

– It should act as a headline and prepare the recipient for your message.

– Specific subject line will allow the recipient to find your particular
message more easily if it needs to be revisited

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 Better Email Writing

Subject Line should be:

Descriptive
– Utilization vs TDC Utilization report - Jan09
– ICA vs ICA for biTS 2009 L3 support renewal
 Specific
– Congratulations vs Congratulations on passing PMP exam
– FYI vs FYI... Jan09 biTS Utilization report
– Thank you vs Thank you for 2008 outstanding Performance
– Need Help!! vs Need Help with ICA creation
 Short
– Please approve this contract for renewing WBI support project in 2009 (11)
– Approval request for WBI '09 support renewal (7)
 Clear
– System Outage!! vs Urgent...Network System Outage expected on Friday
 Changed in the middle of a thread if the main message changes
– RE: FW: RE: Help needed with TechSales & Services 1Q Report generation
– TechSales and Services Report for 1Q '09
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Salutation
 Establishes a personal contact – because it uses the reader’s name
– Assure readers that the e−mail is meant for them
– Set the tone

 Can be formal or informal:

– Formal -> Director, Seniors, unfamiliar, client, if replying to senders who sent salutation in a formal way
– Informal -> Colleague, friend, if replying to a sender who sent salutation in a formal way

 Can be addressed to one person or a group:

– One person:
• Formal -> Dear (Mr.) Bob, Hello Bob, Bob,
• Informal -> Hi Bob, Bob,
– A Group:
• Formal -> Dear Clients, Hello Team, Hello,
• Informal -> To my Clients, Hi Everyone, Hi,

 You can leave salutation off in 2 cases:

– in the middle of a back-and-forth e-mail conversation/thread or
– in giving a SHORT answer to an e-mail
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Closing and Signature

 Closing:
– Extends the tone you established with the salutation
– Salutation and a closing should complement one another.
– Can be formal or informal
• Formal: Kind Regards, Sincerely, Thank you,
• Informal: Thanks, see you soon Ciao

 Signature
– Needs to have enough information to let recipients know how to reach you
– Do not create long signatures
– Include AT LEAST the following in your signature:
• Name, title, and position.
• Company name
• Phone and Fax number

13 C-TDC Vitality Session Feb 23, 2009 © 2009 IBM Corporation

 Better Email Writing

Attachments
 Send the attachment to ONLY those who need it
– you might need to send 2 versions of the email

 Make sure you attach the file before you compose the email
– To avoid forgetting to attach

 Open the file attachment just after you attach it

– To double check you attached the correct file

 Explain what you are sending and what you expect the reader to do with it
– Examples:
• This is the draft of the project report. Please use the “track changes” feature to
comment and send back by Thursday. I will consolidate all comments and produce
the final draft by Sunday.
• Attached to this note is 4Q budget. Kindly forward to all managers for review. They
can contact me for questions. Reviews should be sent by Thursday EBD
 If you are not sure the recipient can open the attachment, convert it to PDF
(every one has Adobe acrobat reader)
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Attachments
 When replying to an email with an attachment, delete the attachment
when replying. (you may attach an updated one ONLY if needed)

 When sending a large attachment, compress it with a well known

compression SW (winzip)

 Keep your own computer healthy by refusing to open attachments of

unknown origin and making sure that your virus−checking software is up
to date.

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Tone
 Use synonyms to negative-sounding phrases:
– Not acceptable unsuitable / unfit
– Not important minor
– Do not like prefer
– Corporate dictates company policy
– Obvious notable
– Demolished sacrificed/broke-up
– Inexperienced fresh

 Soften with passive voice:

– You did not enclose payment Payment was not enclosed
– You did not submit your form Your form was not mailed
– You have made 3 errors in the report 3 errors were found in the report

 Be courteous/polite/ not abrupt:

– Send me the plan by Thursday Please send the plan by Thursday
Appreciate you getting me the plan by Thursday
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Tone
 Don't use hostile inflammatory words (failed, must, should, unfair)

 Don't scream (use UPPER CASE) or use sarcasm

 Don't use all lower case. This is non-professional

 Minimize attack, focus on the issue, allow reader to save face

– You have created a problem The report was due yesterday

 State 1) what actions you have taken to remedy situation and

2) what the reader can do to resolve the issue

 Don't be too defensive

 Don't cry all over the memo with apologies if you are at fault

 Don't write email when you are angry in reaction to a negative email/situation
(wait for 24 hours)

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Content/Body
 Short sentences, paragraphs, and lists
 Remove clutter
 Be specific
 Use active Language
 Use complete sentences
 Use parallel phrases
 Subject and verb must agree
 Use correct pronouns:
– I, me, and myself
– W ho, that
 Use Gender-neutral language
 Comma, semicolon, and colon
 Dashes and parentheses
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Content/Body – Sentences, paragraphs, and lists

 Convey the message quickly, easily, and clearly by using:
– 1) Short sentences (15-20 words -> with 1 main point per sentence) – but not too
short & choppy (poorly related sentences)

– 2) Short paragraphs (3 sentences – > with 1 key idea) are easier to read

– 3) Lists and tables:

• Organize information in a clear and easy to read way
• Get information across more quickly and in fewer words
• Focus the reader on specific information
• Serve as checklists
 Make proper spacing between list items and paragraphs

 Use double spacing after a period and before the start of the next
sentence
 Symbols such as bullets, boldface, and icons don’t always show up on
other people’s computers the way they do on yours.
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Content/Body – Sentences, paragraphs, and lists

 Examples:
 Long sentences:
– Attached is a revised version of the on−line catalogue which includes the feedback we
have received from the reviewers who responded to our requests for comments, and
even though we are expecting several additional reviews to arrive this week, we thought
it would be helpful for you to see what we have been able to do so far and this version
should be close enough for you to proceed with your own part of the project.
(76 words)

– Attached is a revised version of the on-line catalogue that includes feedback we

received from reviewers. Although we expect additional reviews this week, it would
helpful for you to see what we have done so far. This version should be complete
enough for you to proceed with your part of the project. (52 words)

 Choppy sentences:
– We are pleased to submit this proposal. The proposal is to provide Websphere Portal
server L2 support. The proposal is in response to your RFP

– In response to your RFP, we are pleased to submit this proposal to provide Websphere
portal server L2 support.
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Content/Body – Sentences, paragraphs, and lists

 More Examples:
 Long sentences:
– I think you will find our department is one that can handle the project you are adding.
(17 words)
– Our department can handle your additional project. (7 words)

– The sales figures during the period from January 1 till June 30 of this year compare
favorably with the sales figures during the period from January 1 till June 20 of the
pervious year. (34 words)
– This year's January 1 – June 30 sales figures compare favorably to those of last year's
same period. (17 words)

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Content/Body – Remove Clutter

 Clutter -> Unnecessary words that make your email boring

– Remove unnecessary phrases:

• I thought you would like to know....
• It must be noted that/remembered that .....
• It has come to my attention......

– Use one word for a one-word idea:

• We are in agreement we agree
• He made an offer/decision he offered/decided
• We have the ability to We can

– Avoid unnecessary repetition:

• End result result
• 10 am in the morning 10 am

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Content/Body – Remove Clutter (more examples)

In accordance with your request As you requested

Thank you in advance for your cooperation Thank you

It is our expectation We expect

Your prompt attention will be appreciated We appreciate your feedback by (date)

We appreciate your feedback for our (date)
meeting.
has a preference for prefers
Provide an illustration illustrate
More, rather, totally, basically, sort of, -
somewhat, mostly, quite (dull intensifiers)
In conjunction with with
Despite the fact that despite
Due to the fact that because
Allow me to express my appreciation Thank you
If you have any further questions or comments, Please let me know if you have questions
please do not hesitate to contact me

23 C-TDC Vitality Session Feb 23, 2009 © 2009 IBM Corporation

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Content/Body – Be Specific
 Be Specific -> Vague words convey vague emails

– Don't make reader guess what you mean:

• The building was destroyed in a disaster some time ago
Fire destroyed the apartment on May 3rd 2001

– Specify numbers/dates/quantities:
• We received your recent letter
• Please reply at your earliest convenience
• Big loss
• She is a good employee
• Send the DoU ASAP
We received your March 2nd letter
Please reply by May 5th
35% loss
She is a quick learner and hard worker
Send the DoU by Thursday Dec. 10th.

– Avoid double meaning phrases:

• We need more competent sales people (additional ? Or highly skilled?)
We have poorly skilled sales people. We must replace them by highly skilled ones

• Poor customer service has caused 20% market share loss. This is a serious problem.
(poor customer service? Or 20% market share loss?)
Poor customer service has caused 20% market share loss. This poor service is a serious problem
24 C-TDC Vitality Session Feb 23, 2009 © 2009 IBM Corporation
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Content/Body – Be Specific

• The engine in the delivery truck was in bad shape that the mechanics had to replace it.
(engine? Or delivery truck?)
The mechanics had to replace the delivery truck's engine because it was in bad shape.

• Magdy told Ahmed that he will lead the new team. (Magdy? Or Ahmed?)

Magdy told Ahmed that Ahmed will lead the new team

• We have approval to hire new developers and new computers. This means we will be able to meat
the deadline. (new developers? Or new computers? Or both?)

We have approval to hire new developers and new computers. The extra staff and computers
mean we will be able to meat the deadline.

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Content/Body – Use ACTIVE language

 Passive phrases:
– W eaken the email message
– Hides action owner (loss of ownership) - (is sometimes intentional)
– Makes the object more important that the subject

– The decision was made by the executive manager

The executive manager made the decision

– It would be appreciated if your presentation could be received by Thursday

Please send me your presentation by Thursday

– Your document was reviewed and is ready for submission

I/Salma reviewed your document and it is now ready for submission.

– Your problem report has been looked into and it turned out to be a configuration issue
I looked into you problem report # 123456. It is a configuration issue.

– A profit loss of 10% was experienced by the brand

The brand lost 10% in profit

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Content/Body – Use complete sentences and parallel phrases

 Avoid casual abbreviations and avoid removing vowels
– This is 4 U This is for you
– Pls snd ur cmmnts asap Please send your comments by Tomorrow EBD

 Avoid unparallel phrases:

– Mai requested we do the following:
• Define our mission
• Set up objectives
• Budget determining Determine budget

– Mona was happy about her promotion and getting a salary increase
Mona was happy about her promotion and salary increase

– One third of the population is ill housed, ill clothed, and not getting any food
One third of the population is ill housed, ill clothed, and ill nourished

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Content/Body – Subject and verb must agree

– Neither -> singular verb
– Either -> singular verb
– Team -> singular verb
– Public -> singular verb
– Audience -> singular verb
– Variety of -> singular verb
– Every one -> singular verb

– Examples:
• Neither of the developers has met the deadline

• Our management team approves the budget

• The public is not interested in our services

• Who is the audience of this presentation ?

• Every developer follows an education plan every year

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Content/Body – Use correct Pronouns (I, ME, and MYSELF)

I vs ME vs MYSELF

– 1) W hen the pronoun is the SUBJECT -> use I

• Ahmed and I will work on this proposal tomorrow

– 2) W hen the pronoun is the OBJECT -> use ME

• Please deliver '09 forecast to my manager or me
• Please join the team and me in the auditorium now.

– 3) To add emphasis, or confirm you did something, or refer to yourself

-> use MYSELF
• I myself spoke with the customer
• I spoke with the team myself
• I consider myself an excellent candidate for this position

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Content/Body – Use correct Pronouns (WHO and THAT)

 WHO vs THAT

– W HO -> refers to PEOPLE

– THAT -> refers to THINGS

– Examples:
• The person who will assess the proposal is on vacation until March 10th.

• Please do a virus scan on 1Q Expense sheet that you received today.

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Content/Body – Use Gender-Neutral Language

 Use one of these techniques:
– 1) Use plural instead of singular pronouns
• Applicants should have a degree in business from an accredited four-year
college
• Employees should submit their PBCs by January 31st.

– 2) Eliminate the pronoun altogether

• The manager will send his/her recommendations for budget cuts by Tomorrow

– 3) Speak directly to your reader “you” or use “one”

• If you purchase the package before GA date, you will receive a discount

 Avoid Gender-biased words

• Chairman Chairperson
• Man-hours hours
• Salesman Salesperson/ Sales representative
• Manpower Personnel/human resources
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Content/Body – Comma
 Used:
– 1) To join two independent sentences with a coordinating conjunction
(and, or, but, nor, or, so, yet, who)
• We expect some changes in the schedule, but we will do our best to meet the
deadline

– 2) To separate an introductory clause from the rest of the sentence

• After a 3-hour meeting, the directors left without making a decision

– 3) To set off added information embedded in a sentence

• Omar, who is our team lead, will leave the team to start his private business

– 4) To distinguish items in a series

• The team lead is responsible for leading the team, setting the plan, and reporting
the status

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Content/Body – Semicolon
 Used to:
– 1) Join two closely related independent clauses (sentences) without
using a coordinating conjunction
• Tests of the reconfigured system will begin in two weeks; we hope for better
results this time.
• We sent invitations to 500 of our most valued customers; however, only 173
people had responded by last Friday.

– 2) Separate elements in a series that already contains commas

• The transition will be led by Ahmed Kamel, manager of marketing; Ayman
Mokhtar, manager of IT; and Ahamed Farag , director of customer relations

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Content/Body – Colon
 Used to:
– 1) introduce a list
• Please bring the following with you to the meeting:
– '09 forecast
– 1Q 09 actual revenue
– 2Q 09 commitments

– 2) introduce an explanation or a question

• I have a question: Where is the Town Hall meeting?

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Content/Body – Dashes and Parentheses

 They set off information that is not essential to the meaning of the sentence.
– Dashes -> highlight the information
• We are pleased to welcome Ahmed Hamdy – Former IT Manager of ABC.com – to our
company.
– Parentheses -> minimize it or play it down
• We are pleased to welcome Ahmed Hamdy (former IT Manager of ABC.com) to our
company
• I will be out of town (without access to my e-mail) from March 1st to March 10th.

 Tips:
– Don't overuse dashes or parentheses because they can interrupt the paragraph

– Keep them short

– Use parentheses the first time you use an acronym

• The department name is Technology Development Center (TDC).

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Proofreading
 Proofread emails convey a positive and professional image of you and your
organization

 Proofreading should correct:

– 1) Spelling mistakes

– 2) Words that don't make sense in their place in the sentence

• Stalin vs Salin (pigface)
(Russian typesetter during Staline's reign - Consequence -> the typesetter's life)

• Marie and Jack Capano request the honor of your presents at the Marriage of.....
(from a Wedding invitation)

• I received my graduate degree in Unclear Physics (from a CV)

– 3) Incorrect punctuation and grammar

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What to avoid in E-mails

 Writing in CAPITALS

 Overusing “Reply to ALL”

 Sending e-mails when you are ANGRY

 Forwarding chain e-mails

 Requesting Delivery Confirmation

 Asking to recall a message

 Sending offensive messages

 Sending “Thank You” notes frequently

 Answering late (answer within 24 hours)

 Sending the e-mail without READING it (through the eyes of the recipient)

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Email Etiquette Checklist

Email Section Requirement Check if Completed
Address Line Are all needed recipients addressed?
Cc: Line Are recipients aware of why they are
receiving the me sage?
Subject Line Is it specific?
Is it meaningful to the recipient?
Greeting Do I address the recipient by name?
Body Is the information broken into chunks with
short sentences, short paragraphs, lists and
line breaks separating information?

Are the main points clearly stated? And are

all questions answered ?
Is the action to be taken clearly stated?
Is the message free of offensive language
or inappropriate humor? And small talk ?
Is the message free of typos or
grammatical errors?
Attachments Are all promised attachments attached? Are
there unnecessary attachments ?
Are the recipients able to open
attachments?
Do the attachments need compression?
Salutation/Sign Did I thank the recipient?
ature Did I include my contact information?

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Presentation References

 Presentation author's email samples and archives

 Writing Better eMails and Proposals - online IBM e-learning self-
study course

 Business Writing, What Works, What Won't, W ilma Davidson

 E-mail: A Write It Well Guide, Jan Fisher Chan

39 C-TDC Vitality Session Feb 23, 2009 © 2009 IBM Corporation