Humorous Comparison of an AK47 an AR15 and a Mosin Nagant

Written by Head of the old Headsbunker.com, also known as "Ezra Coli" on the various message boards.
There's an ever present, unending debate over which is best, ARs or AKs, raging across the internet and in gun
shops every day sending bile and bitter insults spewing both ways. This debate has turned fathers against sons,
best friends against one another, and........well you get the point. The author is of the opinion that there are of
course pros and cons to each family of rifle, and I refuse to engage in what is "best". As one who loves them all,
especially the AK and AR series, I thought I'd pass on some of the knowledge I have gained over the years
concerning these wildly different weapons. As a bonus, I'll toss in my knowledge of another favorite family of
weapons at the Bunker, just because they are very popular these days and I often ramble about them. So, here,
for the aid of those hammering one another in the debate, is some unbiased, non-slanted, untainted raw
knowledge about the AK, the AR, and the Mosin Nagant.

Stuff you know if you Stuff you know if you Stuff you know if you
have an AK. have an AR have a Mosin Nagant
You have $9 per ounce special
It works though you have never
non-detergent synthetic teflon It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.
cleaned it. Ever.
infused oil for cleaning.
You are able to hit the broad side of You are able to hit the broad side You can hit the farm from two counties
a barn from inside. of a barn from 600m. over.
Cheap mags are fun to buy. Cheap mags melt. What's a mag?
Your safety can be heard 300m You can silently flip off the safety
What's a safety?
away. with your finger on the trigger.
Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon Your rifle has a 9 point stealth
Your rifle has dog collars.
sling. tactical suspension system.
Your bayonet makes a good wire Your bayonet is actually a pretty
Your bayonet is longer than your leg.
cutter. good steak knife.
You can put a .30" hole through 12" You can put one hole in a paper You can knock down everyone else's

of oak, if you can hit it.
When out of ammo, your rifle will
nominally pass as a club.
Recoil is manageable, even fun.
Your sight adjustment goes to '10',
and you've never bothered moving it.
Your rifle can be used by any two bit Your rifle is used by elite forces
nation's most illiterate conscripts to worldwide to fight two bit nations
fight elite forces worldwide.
Your rifle won some revolutions.
You paid $350.
You buy cheap ammo by the case.
You can intimidate your foe with the Your foes laugh when you mount
bayonet mounted.
Service life, 50 years.
Its easier to buy a new rifle when
you want to change cartridge sizes.
You can repair your rifle with a big
hammer and a swift kick.
You consider it a badge of honor
when you get your handguards to
burst into flames.
After a long day at the range you
relax by watching "Red Dawn."
After cleaning your rifle you have a
strong urge for a stiff shot of Vodka.
You can accessorize your rifle with a Your rifle's accessories are eight
new muzzle brake or a nice stock
set.
target just from the shock wave of your
target at 100m with 30 rounds.
bullet going downrange.
When out of ammo, your rifle makes a
When out of ammo, your rifle
supreme war club, pike, boat oar, tent
makes a great whiffle bat.
pole, or firewood.
Recoil often used to relocate shoulders
What's recoil?
thrown out by the previous shot.
Your sight adjustment is
Your sight adjustment goes to 12 miles
incremented in fractions of minute
and you've actually tried it.
of angle.
Your rifle has fought against itself and
won every time.
most illiterate conscripts.
Your rifle won the cold war. Your rifle won a pole vault event.
You paid $900. You paid $59.95.
You lovingly reload precision You dig your ammo out of a farmer's
crafted rounds one by one. field in Ukraine and it works just fine.
You can bayonet your foe on the other
side of the river without leaving the
your bayonet.
comfort of your hole.
Service life, 40 years. Service Life, 100 years.
You believe no real man would dare
You can change cartridge sizes
risk the ridicule of his friends by
with the push of a couple of pins
suggesting there is anything but
and a new upper.
7.62x54r.
You can repair your rifle by taking
it to a certified gunsmith, it's under If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one.
warranty!
You consider it a badge of honor You consider it a badge of honor when
when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot you cycle 5 rounds without the aid of a
group. 2x4.
After a long day at the range you After a long day at the range you relax
relax by watching "Blackhawk by visiting the chiropractor. THEN you
Down." watch "Enemy at the Gates."
After cleaning your rifle you have
After cleaning your rifle you have a
a strong urge for hotdogs and
strong urge for shishkabob.
Apple Pie.
Your rifle's accessory is a small tin can
with a funny lid, but its buried under an
times more valuable than your
apartment building somewhere in
rifle.
Budapest.
Your rifle's finish is varnish and Your rifle's finish is Teflon and Your rifle's finish is low grade shellac,
paint. high tech polymers. cosmoline and Olga's toe nails.
Your wife tolerates your Your wife tolerates your
You're not sure there WERE cameras to
autographed, framed picture of autographed, framed picture of
photograph Sergei Mosin.
Mikhail Kalashnikov. Eugene Stoner.
Late at night you sometimes have
Late at night you sometimes have to Late at night, you sometimes have to
to fight the urge to clear your
fight the urge to hold your rifle over fight the urge to dig a fighting trench in
house, slicing the pie from room to
your head and shout "Wolverines!" the yard to sleep in.
room.
There you have it. In the end, it is clear to any open minded inquirer that the Mosin Nagant is the most superior
weapon of all time, but the AR and the AK come out as a draw when compared side by side.