The perils and pitfalls of Facebook are well documented.

We all remember the ta

les of how MySpace can make or break a career but apart from reading about the f
irst real life divorce for adultery where an avatar is cited as the co-responden
t – Who has told of virtual world narcissists?
What is narcissism? A true narcissist, in my view, is reminiscent of a sociopat
h but with better manners, and is often better looking. A narcissist will use o
thers to further their own end – And they won’t feel bad about it. A narcissist has
an obsession for self promotion and self obsession – An example being obsessively
collecting shallow contacts on Facebook. But, most of the population in 2009 h
ave an online presence in one way, shape or form – Even if it is only for photo sh
aring. Everyone wants to show themselves in the best light, that is human natur
e.
Vanity in a virtual world such as Second Life® is par for the course. Look at the
big businesses selling skins, hair, shoes, clothes – Even virtual genitalia. The
re is a body of Second Life® photographers cashing in on an avatars desire to poss
ess the perfect profile picture and, why not? In real life, I can’t eat a box of
chocolates and not put on weight, that bottle of wine will have consequences for
my appearance and going to the gym just makes me feel old and out of shape. Wh
y not enjoy playing dress up in Second Life® and know that you will never have a b
ad hair day or a fat day and that your bum will never look big in those trousers
– Unless you want it to of course.
But, when does vanity become toxic? Well, there are two sticks in Second Life® pe
ople have used to beat me with. The first, was that their Second Life® is about f
ulfilling their fantasies and by expecting to be treated with respect, I was som
ehow denying them their desire – That is virtual narcissism. Like the man (or wom
an) who spends too long staring at their own refllection in the mirror – Second Li
fe® selfishness is more common than crashing.
The second stick any self respecting avatar is beaten with if they demand a reas
onable level of integrity in their Second Life® is the “no drama” exclamation. If you
speak your mind, it is assumed you create drama. I was once asked in an interv
iew for a magazine I was going to write for about my Second Sex and the City col
umn – Apparently my use of the term “Shagnasty” meant I was a drama queen. As a conse
quence I never wrote for them as I was mortally offended.
When did my right to free expression mean that I deserved a label imposed on me
by others? Because I refuse to compromise my beliefs or feelings for others in
Second Life® I am
labelled a drama queen. If you ever disagree with anyone in Second Life® you are
accused of creating drama. For me it is the biggest insult anyone can bestow on
me – And proves they are a virtual narcissist yet to come out of the closet. The
drama label is borne out of the need to control others, not a dislike of drama.
When I wrote my column called Second Sexpectations, Saul was so proud I had writ
ten about him he was telling his friends to read it – In his eyes there was clearl
y no such thing as bad publicity. A sure sign of a virtual narcissist is someon
e falling in love with their name in print so much so they don’t even care if it m
akes them look a fool. Saul is not alone in this, an ex was in one of my groups
as an alt following my columns and spying on me. I accidentally hit his Subsci
be-o-Matic in Wierd Shit one day and was too busy for months to get back there t
o unsubscribe. I had to mute it in the end.
He is probably narcissistic enough to believe I’m a fan because I was in his silly
little group which traps members by tempting them to click a picture without ma
king it clear they are hitting a Subscribe-o-Matic group joiner. He already tal
ks about himself in the third person, nothing would surprise me. Diagnosis? Vi
rtual narcissist. And yes “Marco”, I am talking about you. Simply changing a frien
ds name slightly as you notecard their conversations without their consent then
publishing it as your own work in your so-called “SL Humor Blog” is not being a writ
er.
Virtual narcissism? No, virtual rape was how she described it when she found ou
t. Virtual narcissism and virtual violation are not too far apart as often the
experiences have the same end result – Someone ends up feeling hurt, bruised, used
and abused.
Think about that the next time you mock the newbie for their uninspired appearan
ce – When did vanity become acceptable?
By Josephina Bonetto