A PRINCIPLED EXISTENCE

By
Aboo Suhaylah Sa'eed bin Roderick Purcell al-Amreekee
(f.k.a. Benton Allen Purcell)
Allaah relates from Yoosuf (peace be upon him) what means, "And
I do not acquit myself. Indeed, the soul is a persistent enjoiner of
evil, except those upon which my Lord has mercy. Indeed my Lord
is Forgiving and Merciful." [Yoosuf 12: 53]
 FOREWARD

Certainly, all thanks and praise is due to Allaah. We praise Him

and thank Him, seek His help and assistance, and we seek His
forgiveness. We take refuge with Allaah from the evils of our souls
and the sinfulness of our actions. Whomever Allaah guides no one
can mislead; and whomever He leaves astray no one can guide. I
bear witness that nothing deserves to be worshipped or adored
except for Allaah, He is One without partners; and that
Muhammad (bin 'Abdullaah)(may Allaah exalt his mention and
give him peace) is His slave, worshipper, and messenger.

To proceed: The Messenger of Allaah said what means,

"Certainly all deeds are but based upon intentions, and for
everyone is what they intended." I relate this as a reminder to
myself and those who would read this work, may Allaah have
mercy on all of us. This is as Imaam al-Bukhaaree (may Allaah
have mercy on him) did in beginning his great book as a reminder
to have sincerity of purpose.

I have title this work "A Principled Existence" not because of

some inherent merit in myself or my story, but because this was
how I TRIED to live my life at most times. I say 'tried' because I
wasn't always successful. In spite of my failures; sometimes
numerous and egregious, I suffered on in pursuit of my goal. Let
me make it clear as well, I do not pretend to have achieved my
goal at this time or any other. I offer the story of my journey thus
far as a lesson for those who would take heed. It is meant as a
lesson not necessarily of what to do, but often times of what not to
do. For I've have inevitably learned more from my mistakes than
those things I got right.

As for the Aayah (i.e. verse) I quoted at the beginning, saying

that I do not acquit myself, it was for a very somber purpose. Just
as Allaah relates these words of Yoosuf, I reiterate those words
which I even more true of myself. Nothing I write in these pages is
meant to justify my actions when they've been wrong or hurtful. I
seek not redemption through my words, but insight. I hope and
pray that my example will serve as a signpost for those that come
after me as to the pitfalls along the path. If, Allaah willing, my
suffering in life can be of benefit to someone else's guidance then
there has truly been great purpose to my pain. Lastly, I pray that
my children, the greatest joys I have in this world, will learn those
lessons I failed to teach them. Perhaps they will remember me with
fondness and pray for me when I am gone.

One last word is germane. It is my intent to bear true witness

about my travels through life. This may necessitate disclosure of
otherwise painful truths about me and my past. While I know that
this is frowned upon from a Sharee' perspective, I believe it will
serve a greater purpose (at least I hope so). In view of this
possibility, I will endeavor to keep the identities of anyone else
secret to respect their right to privacy. This is my decision, not
theirs, and I pray they can forgive me for any harm I may have
caused.

May Allaah guide me to write only the truth and know that the
truth can only come from Him. Any mistakes or oversights are
entirely my own fault and I beg your forgiveness for them. Lastly,
I pray that Allaah accepts this as knowledge with benefits others
and benefits me by it when all other deeds have stopped.

Your brother in al-Islaam, the one desperately in need of Allaah;

Aboo Suhaylah Sa'eed al-Amreekee