Winter Tale

Chapter Three

PROGRESS

He didn¶t bother to leave in the middle of the night. He stayed in my bed with his arm
under me and his breath against my neck. He got up a little early to run home and get
clean clothes and we met at the office like it was an ordinary Monday morning. Jack
was well rested and glad to see us.

I had barely sat down at the desk and started my work when the phone calls began.
The first one was just a man¶s voice, deep and threatening, quoting a passage of the
Bible-The New Testament, I thought, recognizing the story of Lazarus the beggar and
the rich man. I hung up, gasping, when I realized it was a prank meant specifically for
me.

³What is it?´ demanded Jack, striding over purposefully.

³Lazarus,´ I said shortly. The phone was ringing again. I picked up with a trembling
hand, answering in my phone voice. It was another person- female- reading the same
passage. Luke 19:24«put your finger in the water and cool my tongue for I am
tormented by the flame«I hung up, looking helplessly at Jack.

³Well they know where you work,´ Jack announced. ³I¶ve always thought this looks
like an inside job. We¶re going to have to get you out of here. If they can breach
phone security they can get in .´ He went to tap on Tyler¶s door, alerting that man to
the new situation and making me sit up in fear.

So what if my routine had been fairly nice and uneventful. So what if I wasn¶t ready
for this. It was ready for me. I was a target now; maybe if I hadn¶t published my book
things would have been different, but I don¶t think so. I am certain it brought it on
more quickly. Taking my place in the limelight only encouraged the fundamentalist
religious fanatics to solidarity- I was the victim of a phone campaign started by the
minister Roland Atwood.

Tyler closed the office and came with Jack and me to my room- it was in a more
secure area of the compound. I was devastated by the amount of hatred I could detect
in those voices quoting the gospel. They couldn¶t get me here, though, I sighed
silently as Tyler got on the phone with Bernhardt and Jack began making calls on his
phone. I thought about that passage in Luke, and wondered why, when I had
everything in the world, I hadn¶t gotten a Bible. I was pacing, thinking about it. I
could find it online, I bet, I thought, going to the computer- there were emails from
O¶Lafferty, which I did not read at present. I wondered if it would stop sales of my
work- that would really piss him off. Incidentally, nothing affected the sales of my
book.

I found a site and looked up the passage- the new interpretation of the Bible that had
replaced King James¶ in 2158 was not what I had heard and not what I wanted. I
searched for a King James site and located it on- of all places- Roland Atwood¶s site.
The passage, the plan to harass me, and the reasoning behind it were all laid out in
attractive paragraphs with a photo of Atwood himself, (younger than you¶d expect,
and handsome in a way) laying hands on a parishioner.

³Look at this, Jack,´ I said, waving him over. He brought a chair and sat behind me,
looking the screen over. Tyler, still talking with Bernhardt, was watching the screen,
too.

³Well, there¶s everything we need to know, public and spell-checked.´ Jack

announced.

I got up from my chair, sickened at the right wing religious sect. They felt the science
that brought me here was evil and I, by extension and Jon, also, were evil. They were
trying to get their point across to me, of course, and I was easy to get ahold of. I
looked out the window at the deceptively mild, sunny day and wished that I wasn¶t
here. I didn¶t wish to be dead though, either. I wasn¶t even sure I wanted it to be 2000
before all this mess started. But I wanted it to be different.

They hate me. They really, really hate me and everything I represent!

³Joan, don¶t let it get to you,´ Tyler was interpreting my mood accurately.

³Roland Atwood¶s kind of hard not to let get to you,´ Jack said. ³He¶s inciting his
flock of fanatics to encourage Joan to change her ways-³

³What are her ways?´ asked Tyler. We all froze as someone knocked at the door. Jack
went to answer, casual, though I saw he had his hand ready for his shoulder-holster
gun.

³Jon,´ he said in relief. ³Well, it¶s interesting, isn¶t it.´

³The news said you were being harassed- but unable to be reached for comment,´ Jon
said, making me smile a little.

³Yeah. They started calling at work- quoting Luke 19:24 to me.´

³Put your finger in the water to cool my tongue?´ asked Jon- which stunned me as he
professed not to believe in God.

³Yes,´ I said, looking him over as if in amazement. ³How¶d you know?´

³My dad was a preacher,´ he said, grinning. ³You gotta fight the devil with his own
tools,´ he added darkly, making me wonder who he saw as the devil.

³Christian is on his way,´ Tyler announced. ³He¶s answering a lot of important

questions- the government is wondering how secure CorpTemp is; they¶re worried
that our Joan is being exposed to unnecessary danger.´
I sighed. ³Well- they¶re not planning on killing me, it doesn¶t look like,´ I said, after
bleakly viewing the screen.

³What is their plan, other than to heckle a perfectly good writer?´ demanded Tyler.

³They don¶t like The Lost Queen,´ Jack told me, still reading the site.

³I didn¶t think they would,´ I muttered, wishing I could have a drink. I raked my
hands through my hair- what did it matter to have a good hair day when the world
hated you?- and said, ³This is absurd! What are my chances for any kind of normal
life if the entire conservative party singles me out?´

³Oh«this is getting really interesting, Joanie,´ Jack murmured. ³He¶s written an open
letter to you.´

³Huh?´

³He«´ Jack was shaking his head. ³He thinks you can be saved. You better read
this,´

I was pale, shaken as I read the missive- a weird, formal, Bible-laced invitation to join
the Revivalists (Their official title, I suppose) and let Roland Atwood save my soul,
which was doomed to hell-fire and damnation because of the double crime of suicide
and murdering the clone for which I was responsible.

I was shaking my head, horrified at the idea of being perceived in such a light..I didn¶t
feel damned«..

³Well he¶s a nutcase, evidently.´ Said Tyler crisply.

³And he¶s got a lot of nutcase friends,´ Jack pointed out. ³Some of whom might be
employed here at CorpTemp. Someone who has a working knowledge of the clone,
retrieval and final processes.´

Tyler nodded, looking at me. ³Someone who shows signs of religious fanaticism,´

³You say that like you have someone in mind.´

³I might. Fellow we worked with in the first two cases. He¶s been here a long time as
a paramedic,´ Tyler was searching in his phone numbers, beeping through files. ³I
think his name¶s Dennis Lloyd. Very religious Revivalist-³

³How could you tell?´ asked Jack.

³He talked the talk. I heard him with the other guys. He wouldn¶t work on a clone
placement; he was on Joan¶s case, stabilizing her en route to this facility. He was on
the second case, which was a real mess all the way around.´

³I can check if he¶s still employed here,´ Jack said, going to work on my computer,
coding in his password to open the files he needed. ³Dennis Evan Lloyd,´ he read.
³Taking paid vacation, benefit time. He can come and go on the grounds as he
pleases- he has access to all areas of the compound on his retinal id.´

³Terrific,´ said Tyler, pacing the length of the room, fiddling with his phone. ³Maybe
the government would be able to protect her better.´

I sighed. ³It¶s ridiculous. What kind of danger am I in? A bunch of religious fanatics
want to convert me?´ I scoffed. ³What can they do to me?´

³A man with as much power as Roland Atwood could have you kidnapped and
brainwashed by noon tomorrow,´ Jack said flatly. ³You¶re in danger as long as he¶s
got what amounts to a hit on you.´

³This is crazy,´ I said bitterly. ³What does he care?´

³They want to stop all work with clones. They want to stop people from growing their
own organs. They feel that what God gave you is what you should go out with, and
tampering with his temple is deviltry,´ Jon said. He was lying on the couch, looking
half asleep. ³So, what about me?´

³You¶re in here,´ Jack said. ³You¶re soul is in peril, too, I see. If you want to be
cleansed and saved, refer to Roland Atwood.´

³Amen!´ Jon said lazily. ³I don¶t know, I don¶t feel so bad. You feel that way,
Joanie?´

³Exactly,´ I agreed. ³I haven¶t felt consigned to the flames of hell all day.´

³We¶re not safe here, Doc,´ Jon yawned. ³I bet we¶re not safe anywhere- and no one
who knows us is safe, either,´ he shut his eyes, drifting off. I got a blanket and
covered him up, feeling wretched as I considered what I was doing in the world.
Causing more problems. Making the Revivalists mad. Who knew what this would
lead to? It might cause enough of an uproar to make the scientists stop their work.
One can¶t argue with public opinion.

Well public opinion wasn¶t getting any better, either. I was an abomination, first
thing, second thing I had written a book with as much sex as history in it, and thirdly I
discovered as the noon news broke I was now dating a man who had a great reputation
as a doctor and a terrible reputation as a man.

³Who is Dr. Tyler Morgan?´ asked the journalist before telling us- a brilliant
bio-chemist specializing in treatment of depression. And why was he special? It
seemed reports alleged that he was the close personal friend of no other than famed
author and raised from the dead Joan Winter.

³Oh shit!´ Tyler groaned.

³It had to come out,´ I said. ³I wonder how it got out?´

³Someone here,´ Jack said as a snippet of film was showed- me and Tyler in front of
my door and kissing passionately while we thought we weren¶t on camera. Of course
later on we didn¶t even care that we were on camera«

³Oh, great.´ I sighed. Then I brightened. ³So what? I love you, Tyler, I don¶t care who
knows it.´

But the reporter¶s next words made us all silent. ³And what other secrets hide behind
the handsome face and professional reputation of this genius who graduated
valedictorian of his class, with honors at every level?´ cut to a blond with her face
blurred out- though she was showing enough boobs in a tight black top to make
anyone recognize her.

³He¶s a regular here,´ she was nodding, talking in a Texan accent. ³Good tipper.
Likes to hurt the girls. We have to charge him extra for damages. But he¶s never
protested a charge,´ she said with respect, making Tyler groan and drop his face into
his palms.

³What¶s wrong with that?´ asked the reporter, ³Nothing, for those of us born in an
enlightened, sophisticated century. But what of Joan Winter? More comfortable with
the 19th Century than the 21st, how will this real-life heroine deal with people who
might very well have been pilloried and reviled in her time?´

³Jesus, how old does she think I am?´ I demanded, turning off the TV. ³We had a
sexual revolution, too, when I was a kid. I¶m not a backwoods provincial!´

³Yes you are, baby,´ Jon said soothingly. ³Or this wouldn¶t bother you at all.´

I let out a growl and said, ³They have no right to talk about me like this! Or Tyler,´ I
said.

³It¶s only the truth,´ Tyler grunted. ³I can¶t sue them for libel.´

³It¶s tacky to do it this way,´ Jon said.

³They just want to see what kind of sensation you¶ll cause, Joanie,´ Jack said. ³Ignore
them and they¶ll go away.´

I nodded, and said, ³You¶re right, Jack.´

³I¶ve also just got word that you¶re being moved. You and Jon,´ he said, motioning us
over to check out his message on the monitor.

³I¶m going with them,´ Tyler said.

³Yes, you are,´ Jack said. ³Now that you¶re publicly linked to Joan you¶re a target,
too. I wouldn¶t be surprised if Roland Atwood didn¶t offer to heal you, Ty. We¶re
mobilizing in three hours,´ Jack announced. ³There will be people to move your
things, you two. Ty, you can go to your house and get what you need for a lengthy
vacation. I¶m sending Mike with you for security. Jon- keep in mind these phones are
probably bugged. You might better not call Mary.´
I was gape-mouthed as Tyler got up to leave. He was determined and pale, kissing me
goodbye as he went out the door. Jack tested the lock when he was gone and was on
the phone again. I went back to Roland Atwood¶s site on the computer and noted it
was already updated; there was another letter to me offering to save me from the evil
doctor who clearly had me under some kind of spell. I was doubtless being drugged
for their little µexperiments¶ and I noticed he was beginning to see Jon and me as
victims of the Medical establishment. I waved Jack over to read the latest letter and he
was on the phone again.

³Atwood¶s beginning to sound more nuts than ever. He sees the scientists as the real
trouble makers.´ He listened to the other end and didn¶t look at me. ³Well, you¶d
think so wouldn¶t you? People wouldn¶t follow the instructions of an honestly crazy
man, would they? Hitler?´ there was silence at both ends.

³The people who¶ll move your things are here,´ Jack announced when someone
tapped at the door again. Jon had already gone to get his things, and I watched my
small life get ready to roll. I had all my work on disc, so I wouldn¶t be taking the
computer (I didn¶t worry about finding one, either) and the suitcases packed with my
lavish wardrobe were filled in minutes. I paced, thinking of Tyler ravaging his house
to leave it and wished I hadn¶t gotten everyone into this mess.

Oh, I know it¶s not my fault. It isn¶t, but then it seemed a lot more quiet before I
published that book.

I was resigned, I thought, to losing the luxurious room, the normal life with a job and
a schedule. I didn¶t know what it meant when the government took you into hiding.
But I bet it¶s more like jail than anything else. And I bet before it¶s over I regret
everything a lot more than I do now.

Jon packed up his art works, penning a note to Mary and leaving it at the front desk.
His handsome face showed no sign of distress as he casually broke ties with the girl
he loved for who knew how long and when Tyler rushed in he brought Jon a surprise.

³He stopped by the coffee shop and told me I needed to take a break,´ Mary said,
looking around at the suitcases, the travel bags. ³What¶s going on?´

³We have to hide,´ Jon said simply. ³People might hurt Joanie and possibly me- as an
after thought. I¶ve got to go.´

³Can I go?´ Mary asked plaintively.

³I¶ll see what I can do to get you cleared later, Mary,´ Jack assured her. ³But the
orders don¶t include civilians right now, I¶m sorry.´ He gave Tyler a look, one that
was not pleasant. ³This situation is potentially explosive. Especially if they have any
idea that you¶re about to be moved.´

³This sucks,´ Jon was looking at Mary, and the two thereafter disappeared into his
room for a short goodbye. I was a nervous wreck, thinking about the mess I had
inadvertently created. Oh, why me?
I hate oh why me people. I determined not to be one myself, but to accept whatever
hideous hell awaited me. Though so far it hadn¶t been so bad; I had Tyler, and this
whole writing gig, and a new life. If I had to hide for a while, until they got Roland
Atwood under control, then I guess it would all be worth it. I could take a little more
solitude after being locked in the Institute for all this time.

Really, the only ³normal´ time I¶d had was at the Winter¶s place, and God knew that
they weren¶t normal. I wonder what they were thinking, with this latest disaster. Had
anyone worried what a security risk it was to take me to church? Had anyone
suspected my boyfriend might have an unsavory reputation? Ben, perhaps, I mused.
Jack said he dated hookers«.

I looked up in surprise when Tyler said, ³I think you need a shot, Joan,´ with quiet
firmness. I obediently held out my arm and he delivered the dose that made me feel
things might be okay. After all, this was 2104, not 2000 and I didn¶t have to impose
my values on these people. Tyler might be a sadist, but he¶s not that way to me. And
ironically, if it hadn¶t been for me no one would ever have delved into his past-
however murky.

³Ready?´ Jack was hanging up his phone and I nodded. I carried my purse stuffed
with discs and that was it- porters were responsible for everything else. Tyler took my
hand and we descended to the parking/loading area that was very private, entering a
long black car, and I was trembling as we left the compound, which had been my safe
home for so long. Tyler squeezed my hand and Jon cleared his throat, already missing
Mary I am sure. It didn¶t matter than he¶d had a fling with Min- he cared about Mary.

³Where are we going?´ I asked, breaking the utter silence in which we had taken our
leave.

³To an undisclosed destination,´ Jack said. He had his black secret service glasses on
and looked unapproachable.

³Interesting,´ I said sarcastically, hating not being able to approach Jack. I looked out
the bullet-proof window and had no way of telling which way we were going. It
looked south, sort of, but the land below gave me no clue. I was not up on current
geography.

³I am beginning to wonder at the wisdom of this whole enterprise,´ Jon announced. ³I

mean, who knew society as a whole would hate us so much.´

³They hate the doctors,´ Jack put in, looking cold and aloof. ³They just look at the
two of you like abominations against God. You have rehabilitation potential, at least.´

³Someone like me is just damned all the way around,´ Tyler guessed.

³I¶m afraid so, Doc,´ Jack nodded. ³Atwood¶s already written his first sermon on you-
everything detestable of our age,´ he quoted. ³And much worse, you¶re corrupting the
good and pure Joan Winter.´
³Good and pure?´ I asked, amazed that anyone would see it like that.

³Apparently he got around to reading up on you- as well as The Lost Queen.´ Jack¶s
lips were trying not to smile. ³He admits you have a rare gift- he even does a short
comparison of your previous work to the new book. I think you¶ve got a fan, Joanie.
He does say your writing shows the corrupt influence of your current companions. He
said that your previous life illustrated what a good wife and decent woman you are.
He implies that the doctors keep you drugged and under their control,´ he shot a look
at Tyler.

³What does he say about Jon?´ Tyler asked.

³He doesn¶t say anything about Jon.´

³Of course not,´ Jon crabbed. ³No one is worried about me. I wish I¶d stayed at the
Institute- at least Mary was there. No one¶s going to bother with a dead nobody,´

It was my first indication that Jon was jealous of my success and resentful of the
effect it was having on him. I don¶t blame him. Maybe if I waited to bring out The
Lost Queen things might have gone undisturbed for a while«.

³Joanie, I¶m sorry,´ Jon reached across the seat and punched my arm. ³I didn¶t mean
to sound like that. I don¶t mean it. I guess I¶m worried. This Atwood sounds like a
freak.´

³He passes for normal these days.´ Jack stated tersely, turning to his laptop as if he
was done with us. I felt Tyler¶s big warm body next to me and wondered that I felt
safe.

I began to read Atwood¶s website as closely as Jack- I could see his screen, and as we
flew I became even more worried; the man had a world-wide following, he was
powerful, charismatic. Not bad looking, for a fanatic. Short, dark, conservative hair
(Not trendy like Jack, just short.) Blue eyes, I could see. No telling how tall he was-
hard to tell on TV or a monitor. But he kept the women interested- he was dramatic,
an actor, as all good preachers are. In his bio the story read like a fairy-tale; his father
was a poor but good minister who had become moderately successful and a young
Roland took over the congregation at his untimely death. Assuming the mantle of
power when he was a mere seventeen years old, he had lived his faith for the last
fourteen years. Celibate, devoting his whole life to the service of God and the
ministering to his children, Roland Atwood preached the lifestyle to his followers. Sex
outside of marriage was not allowed at all, and sex within marriage was for
procreative purposes only. He instructed married couples to procreate without passion.

³Boy, he¶s gonna hate me,´ Tyler was reading over Jack¶s screen, too.

³Did you see the µprocreation without passion¶?´ Jack asked, looking amused even
with the glasses on.

³How¶s that supposed to happen?´ Tyler demanded.

³Oh, he details it, in another article. He admits that God made women and men
attractive to each other, so that the species would continue. He frowns on kissing. A
little is alright, but beyond a certain limit it¶s just lustful and wrong. No foreplay. Sex
should last no longer than three minutes, he says, to prevent un-Godly thoughts. He
admits the cards are stacked against us but Nature is Satan, and if possible, everyone
should just be celibate. But if you have to have sex, make sure you¶re trying to get
pregnant and you¶re really thinking about God the whole time.´

³He¶s a fucking virgin,´ Tyler snapped. ³Or impotent.´

³I know I¶m usually talking religion during sex,´ Jon demonstrated. ³Oh, God! Oh,
God! Oh, God!´

³Yeah,´ Jack laughed. ³I don¶t think that¶s what he¶s suggesting, though. You might
be right about the impotent thing,´ he took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.
³There¶s never been any association of him to any kind of man or woman. He lives
alone, no entourage- just a highly secure small house next to the church. He lives
simply- no alcohol or drugs or smoking. He likes to cook. He¶s saying he¶s on the
search for the ideal wife²³

³Does he list the qualifications?´ I asked sourly.

³Oh, yes. Another article; What man should seek in a wife. Godliness. Intelligence.
Purity. Good health. Meek nature.´

³ I see he doesn¶t list big tits.´ Tyler read.

³Nope- he¶s 31 now, unmarried and never been on a date.´ Jack said.

³Have relations in darkness to prevent un-Godly thoughts,´ Tyler read.

³He¶s a pervert,´ I put in. ³Anyone that thinks about sex so much they can¶t have it is
a weirdo.´

³I agree,´ Jack said. ³He talks about how much more desirable a genetically pure wife
is- one un-tampered by science.´

³That rules me out,´ I said regretfully. ³I¶m all kinds of tampered.´

³Actually, Joanie, you¶d be ideal because you were born before all that started. You¶re
pure unadulterated, natural human,´ Tyler said.

³But I can¶t have children,´ I pointed out.

³Oh, that problem with your uterus,´ Tyler nodded. ³There might be treatment now, if
you want to pursue a family,´ he looked at me as if he just thought of it. ³I¶ve always
wanted kids. Just not with any of the women I knew. Do you want children?´

Like Jon and Jack wanted to hear this. I said,

³I did when I was alive. I don¶t know, now. I don¶t think it would be fair to bring a
child into a world where I have to hide from people. I wouldn¶t appreciate it if I was a
kid.´

³You¶d be a wonderful mom,´ Jon observed.

³Do you think so?´ I asked pitifully. I had accepted being barren for so long that I
wasn¶t even sure I wanted kids any more. I hoped I gave him that impression, though I
remained silent for a long moment, thinking about being a wife and mother and
family.

³We¶re preparing to descend,´ Jack announced and a look out the window showed me
nothing but water- clear blue, crystal water, but that was it.

³An island,´ Jon mused, seated near the other window and able to see out.

³An island?´ I asked, thinking of Gilligan¶s, where there were thatch roof huts and
coconut drinks with little umbrellas.

³It¶s impenetrable,´ said Jack. ³Easily defensible. They can see anyone in the air and
on or under the water.´

³Goody.´ I said.

³It¶s a luxury resort,´ Jack said. ³They wont send us to a penal colony.´

Mm«luxury resort«.but then what is a big deal about luxury when all you really
need is a bed and a blanket?

I would laugh at this thought later as I went through the big, airy house that looked
like something out of a vacation brochure. Everything was simple yet elegant. Very
much a resort. I was glad it wasn¶t a penal colony, even as I stood by the French doors
that led to a balcony and realized Tyler was moving in with me.

Why not? I thought as he dumped his suitcase in the middle of the white spread bed.
Everyone knows now. What do I care? This will all blow over. How can they
complain about a man who was just being what this society considered manly? If it
wasn¶t for me, Tyler couldn¶t get a bit on the tenth page.

³It¶s gorgeous,´ I announced. The view from the second story consisted of formal
gardens nearby and the wild jungle, beach and ocean in the distance. There were no
boats or piers or villages here; just this compound, and the inhabitants of the house.

³It is,´ he was moving the suitcase to the floor- hard wood and strewn with rugs- to
clear the bed, where he intended to lay me down. I was cooperative, as only love can
make you. I was glad he wanted me, glad he found me irresistible, glad he didn¶t take
me for granted. He still made love to me as if I might never let him do it again. I liked
it.

³Admit it, there are a lot worse ways to get away from a media storm, aren¶t there?´
he asked lazily, his legs crossed at the ankles as he held me with both arms.

³Much worse,´ I laughed. ³I wonder how long we¶ll be here?´

³Hopefully a very long time,´ he kissed my forehead. ³I¶ve got to make sure my
supplies are here. Some of them have to be refrigerated,´ he said, hopping up.

I took the opportunity to explore the house- Jack and Jon already found the den, where
a TV was on. There was a pool table, a stereo center, a computer and a luscious view
of the gardens. Tyler was in the room we designated the Lab and I saw that it was an
office, where he had a small refrigerator for his things. I had to admire him- his bangs
were growing floppy and his glasses were sliding down his nose as he worked some
figures on his computer. He looked up and smiled.

³How do you feel?´ he asked.

³Great,´ I said.

³I¶d like to run a few tests.´ He said, businesslike. ³Just to see what your levels look
like when you¶re blissful and glowing.´

I sat down obediently, letting his work on me. The air conditioned house was so
comfortable that I sat in the big chair watching him, content to observe his long,
skillful fingers manipulating the slides and buttons. He was deliciously thoughtful as
he clicked here and there, his face absorbed and handsome. I was in love, I said to
myself in the most worried tones.

³We¶re going to be fine,´ Tyler reassured me, coming over to kneel in front of the
chair, wrapping his arms around my waist. ³My miserable past will be dug up and
displayed like a rotting corpse. People will get over it. I¶ll keep you- because you¶re
nice and you know I¶m so in love with you you¶d never hurt me. And when Roland
Atwood gets tired of his little games we¶ll go back to normal life.´

³CorpTemp?´ I asked.

³No. A real place of our own. I¶d like to keep working there, but we could live
anyplace-almost.´

³I like Texas,´ I said. ³But I wonder, if I could live anywhere in the whole world,
where it would be. What about you?´ I asked.

³Anywhere you¶re at is good for me,´ He squeezed me and we both looked up as Jon
said,

³Oh, great, Jack, they¶re at it again.´

³We¶re not at anything,´ I said austerely, as Tyler rose to his feet and said,

³You¶re just jealous. Has Mary got her clearance yet?´

³Not yet,´ Jack came in, too. He looked around the office. ³You have everything you
need, Ty?´

³Yes, I think so.´ He organized his stuff and gave me a grin, ³The only thing I forgot
was a pair of bathing trunks. I think I¶m going to regret that.´

³There are suits in the cabanas,´ Jack said helpfully. ³Might be nice to have an
evening swim. There¶s a pool- Joan¶s not allowed in the ocean.´

³I¶m not allowed in the ocean?´ I demanded.

³Nope,´ Jack didn¶t look the least bit sorry, either. ³There¶s no telling. You can walk
on the beach, but not on the bay-side. It¶s for your own good,¶ he said. ³These are
shark infested waters.´

I was disgusted but pretty helpless. I had packed a bathing suit- the red one- and I
went to change, tying my beach towel around my waist as Tyler followed me to the
pool where there was indeed a cabana where he found trunks of an almost Brazilian
nature. They were little, tight, and flattering.

³Six months ago it would have looked like someone strung dental floss around my
ass,´ he observed, easing into the pool with his delectable self.

³It doesn¶t look like that now,´ I observed admiringly.

³You¶re good for me,´ he mused, paddling around, looking content.

We were huddled in the corner kissing when Jon interrupted us, saying,

³For God¶s sake! This is sucking more and more. I¶m sick of you two,´ he got into the
water.

³Sorry, Jon,´ I said, though Tyler just smirked. Though he said,

³They¶ll get Mary approved and moved and we¶ll be the ones sick of looking at you.´

³I hope so.´ He sighed. ³I miss her already. And the news looks grim- they¶re running
with it. Joan¶s the brilliant author involved with a depraved doctor. And me, being
the frightful undead and all, I keep turning up near the end of the segments, as if
they¶re afraid to not mention me. But I think they hate Tyler the most,´ he smirked at
Tyler.

³Figures,´ Tyler said. ³Oh, well. They can only besmirch my good name with a few
youthful indiscretions.´

³A few,´ out came Jack- he was wearing Speedos and they looked positively grand on
him. ³I just saw a commercial for the news tonight and they mentioned a dozen girls.´

³Just a dozen?´ Tyler muttered. ³they must not have checked around much.´
³Probably not. It¶ll come out. Right now everyone¶s wondering what a girl like Joan
sees in you.´ Jack said casually, though it made Tyler¶s eyes spark.

³So the media¶s wondering if I¶m drugging Joan to keep her interested in me?´ he
demanded.

³There¶ve been a few hints,´ Jack purred, stretched in a floating chair, a big snifter of
brandy in the cup holder.

³Joan¶s not on anything except a mild chemical and some vitamins,´ Tyler sounded
puzzled. ³I¶d never do that.´

³Yeah, you did it once on accident and it cured you, didn¶t it?´ Jon said. He was on
the edge of the pool dangling his feet.

³It was a terrible accident,´ Tyler said thoughtfully. ³An honest one, though. I had a
serum I use on Jon and got excellent results. I did some configurations and wondered
if Joan would have the same results- mild euphoria, relaxation«.´ He looked at me,
smiling.

³I take it the results were not the same.´ Jack said dryly.

³No,´ Jon laughed. ³Not at all.´

³I misjudged a lot of things,´ Tyler explained. ³I had no idea the chemical would
make her«´

Jack raised his light eyebrows and looked at me.

³I attacked him,´ I said simply. ³There wasn¶t any conscious thought about it. I just
threw him down and started taking off his clothes.´ I was blushing, swimming away
from Tyler, and finished, ³he stopped me. I¶m sure it wasn¶t easy, because I was
insane. But he didn¶t let me do anything.´

³You had his pants off!´ Jon supplied.

³I just had them open«´ I got out of the pool, reaching for a big orange beach towel.

³He fought her off, Jack,´ Jon said. ³He literally had to hold her away until he could
shoot her with the antidote.´

³You tell him everything, don¶t you?´ Tyler asked in amazement.

³I do,´ I said regretfully. ³I might have to stop that.´

³I¶m sorry, Joanie,´ Jack said. ³I won¶t blab.´

³It¶s not going to make much difference now that prostitutes the world over are
talking about how Tyler chained them down and beat them before doing things that
used to be illegal.´ Jack sipped his drink.
³Interesting,´ Tyler said crisply, leaning against the edge of the pool. ³My parents are
really going to love this. Of course now they¶ll understand why I¶m so busy during the
holidays.´

I laughed. I couldn¶t help it. I started to laugh uncontrollably. I sat on the edge of the
pool next to him and gave him a hug. ³I love you, Tyler. They¶ll either think I like to
be chained down or you¶re suddenly very boring.´

³I¶ve never been bored with you,´ he stroked my calf, making me glad I kept them
shaved.

³So Roland Atwood thinks Joan¶s developed a taste for bondage and sodomy?´ Jack
guessed. I was mildly repulsed but Jon laughed this time and said,

³Why would it be so hard for people to think Tyler¶s developed a taste for regular
lovemaking- no bruises, no equipment?´

³Because bondage is more interesting in the headlines,´ Jack supplied.

³Who cares what people say?´ I asked quietly, stroking Tyler¶s wet hair. ³No one can
stop me from loving him. No one can change that.´

³Maybe you better marry him, then,´ Jack said. ³Roland Atwood can¶t complain
about it if you¶re his wife.´

³I don¶t care what Roland Atwood thinks,´ I grumbled. ³Don¶t men and women live
together all the time? When I was alive it happened more than marriage. Why should
I buy into an antiquated institution in the year 2104?´

³I want to marry you, Joan. I just figured you¶d say no.´ Tyler rested his head against
my leg, floating in the water. ³But thanks, Jack, for all the help.´

³All I know is Joanie had sex with one man when she was alive, and she was married
to him,´ Jack said mildly.

³She is still alive,´ Tyler intoned.

³She was sleeping with him before they were married, though,´ Jon pointed out,
ignoring Tyler. ³Guess you shouldn¶t have had on white, eh Joanie?´

³You¶re a pig, Jon,´ I said sweetly.

³Granted. But she¶s right, Jack, people lived together when we were alive. It was no
big deal. Sort of seeing if you can stand each other before the big step.´

³Joan wasn¶t like that,´ Jack said.

³No. I knew I was going to be Ben¶s wife from the time I was able to walk.´ I sighed.
³He asked me to marry him when we were 4. I agreed. We knew there would be some
waiting involved.´

³I bet you two were so cute,´ Jon laughed. ³I think he really loved you.´

³Me and lots of others,´ I remarked.

³Maybe he just couldn¶t help it?´ Jack said.

³With a three inch dick he had something to prove,´ Jon suggested.

³I don¶t know about²three?´ Jack frowned. ³So what Grandma Winter said was true!
Hung like a baby!´

We all laughed at that.

It¶s pathetic that my only friends are the three men thrown into the same
circumstances. I suppose it was a good thing that we all got along so well, given our
enforced companionship, which lasted four days before Mary arrived.

She had her own tale to tell. She had been taken by security from the institute the day
we left, and spent the last four days with Christian Bernhardt fighting the system to
get clearance to come to the island. She was delighted to have won the right to join
Jon and we were glad to see someone else.

³And I¶ve got a lot of stuff for you all, from Dr. Bernhardt.´ She was in Jon¶s arms,
though, so glad to see him that I was smiling wider than they- I glanced up at Tyler,
who was looking at me, glad, too. And Jack said,

³Well I¶m going to call Bernhardt and see what the latest is. Glad to have you here,
Mary. You ought to liven things up.´

I laughed, taking her hands and hugging her. ³You¶re a tough little girl, aren¶t you?
Good going, Mar,´

She was delighted to be here- I knew enough to realize a tour of the house was of
secondary importance to them, though, and let them go explore Jon¶s bedroom. Tyler
took me to his office and shut the door, which made me think he wanted to do some
tests, but he sat me down on the desk and sat down in the chair, saying,

³Joan, I need to talk to you about something serious.´

³What is it?´ I was alarmed at his solemnity.

³I want you to marry me. Jack¶s right. No one can say anything when you¶re married
to me.´

I blinked as he produced a big, fat ring (Bernhardt had gotten it for him and sent it
with Mary.) He took my hand put it on, while I stared, and said, ³Will you, Joan? I
love you, and I¶d never let you down.´
I barely know him, I thought. I do love him but he¶s practically a stranger! I¶ve been
sleeping with him for a few months, I didn¶t know anything about him«.he began to
kiss me- I had a hard time resisting that. I fleetingly thought of him on camera, put it
aside and looked into his dark blue eyes which were more beautiful than Ben¶s had
ever been.

³I love you. Of course I¶ll marry you.´

He hugged me, started kissing me again.

³We have a perfectly good bed upstairs,´ I said with a laugh as he began to slide my
cutoff jeans down.

³We¶ve got a perfectly good chair right here,´ he explained, pulling me off the desk.

He¶s mine, I thought in satisfaction later, resting my chin on his head, feeling his arms
around me. I adored him, and thinking that I agreed to marry him made me both
nervous and excited.

³Christian said he could fly in a Reverend,´ Tyler said, ³Whenever you want. He
said he¶d arrange all the legal stuff since neither of us could do it. Joan Morgan,´ he
kissed my forehead.

³I think you¶re going to make a wonderful husband,´ I observed, rising to restore

myself to order.

³I¶ve never asked anyone to marry me- I¶ve never been serious about a woman
before,´ he said. I thought of Selena telling me that he¶d never loved anyone and
nobody ever loved him.

I just hugged him again, resolving to change all that and love him more than anyone
ever could. I cooked that night- Jack was on the computer in the den ignoring all of us
and Mary and Jon didn¶t come down until they smelled the food. I proudly accepted
their compliments as they sat down to the huge lasagna dinner and smiled broadly at
Mary when she said,

³So I see you¶re wearing that big rock I sneaked over.´

³She said yes?´ Jon asked.

³She did,´ Tyler was blushing- he was adorable. ³Say hello to the future Mrs. Dr.
Morgan.´

³Congratulations, you two,´ Jack looked pleased. ³When¶s the big day?´

³Christian will be coming, and he¶ll bring a preacher,´ Tyler reached for bread sticks.
³He said to give him a couple weeks, to get all the details together.´

³This is so cool!´ Jon was thrilled for us, possibly because he thought it might give
Mary some idea. ³I want to do a portrait of the two of you for a wedding present.´
³Oh, Jon, would you?´ I asked, flattered.

³I want to! I can¶t wait to get started on it. I¶ll take pictures, so you wont have to sit. I
brought a good camera, didn¶t I Mary?´ he winked.

³A very good camera.´ Mary was smiling. ³I¶m so happy for you two.´

I was happy, as well.

Things were slow on an island, while you were hiding. It was wonderful, though, with
no schedule, no chores- once in a while I¶d get a shot, or he¶d run a test, but mainly
we swam and ate and walked, in different combinations, sometimes with Jon and
Mary, sometimes not, though Jack was with me and Tyler all the time (so much a part
of the furniture that we hardly noticed him. He was always on the computer or
reading, and once we had nearly started to make love on the couch until he cleared his
throat to remind us he was there.)

We talked a lot about what we would do once we were married- I was richer than
ever, with The Lost Queen selling even more paper copies. We planned where we
would live (Texas) what we would do (Work- he at the Institute and I at the keyboard)
what kind of home we would buy (Not too big, but lots of space, room for guests..)
and how much we were in love. (Lots.)

³I used to feel I hardly knew you,´ I said after an idyllic week of heaven. ³But I know
your heart, don¶t I?´

³It¶s all yours,´ he smiled. ³Practically un-used before this. I am so glad we¶re here
and not back home, getting hit with all the media.´

³Me too,´ I agreed. We had hardly watched TV- especially news. Jack did it for us,
knowing everything that was going on, passing along the important bits. Tyler was
still big news; they were scraping up any woman he¶d ever strapped down and
violated, finding them by the hundreds. Jack passed along very little of that. Roland
Atwood was trying to cool his people off- that preacher had been called to the Senate
Committee that was in charge of my life in order to explain why his parishioners were
harassing me to the point that the government itself had been obliged to give me safe
haven.
I didn¶t even bother to listen to Jack¶s updates on Atwood. The guy was so crazy he
just made me depressed. Everything I hadn¶t liked about religion seemed to be there
in him, and I was doing my best to ignore the outside world and think about what it
might be like to be Tyler¶s wife.

Bernhardt sent a bunch more stuff via helicopter, though he was still hitting snags
trying to get a marriage license for us. He was beginning to think we would have to
wait until things calmed down and we could return to Texas. I was okay with waiting,
though it seemed to irk Tyler.

³So what? We¶re already married in our hearts,´ I said simply that afternoon when he
was pouting, lying on our bed with his hand over his eyes.
³I want it official.´ He stated grimly. ³I have some right to protect you if you¶re my
wife. Jack said he¶s staying with us.´

³He¶s good,´ I said, glad we had him.

³Yeah- I think he just likes it when we forget he¶s there.´

³Poor Jack! We need to find him a girl,´ I said- having that female urge to match
make.

³Poor Jack? I don¶t think Jack¶s going to do without, even here. He makes me look
chaste. Jack doesn¶t have any trouble getting women, you know. He¶s blond and
gorgeous, the honeys are all over him. Remember Ro?´

³Yes,´ I admitted. ³I don¶t suppose it¶s a priority anymore, getting married and
starting a family.´

³People are selfish. They don¶t want the responsibility. I have a good friend who¶s a
fertility specialist back in Texas. I was telling him about your uterus and he said
there are some things we can do²if you want kids,´ he corrected.

³Do you?´ I asked.

He was silent, but when his eyes met mine I saw the answer. ³I do, Joanie. I grew up
wanting kids- I¶m the middle brother, you know, and took care of my baby sister. But
I never met anyone I wanted as their mother. Until now. I¶ll get these plugs yanked
out and see if maybe Ben just couldn¶t cut it²³

³He had five kids,´ I said flatly.

³I forgot about that. So what? We¶ll have beautiful babies- maybe they¶ll luck out
and get your nose.´ He kissed the nose and sighed. ³All I want to do is make a nice
place for us to live, raise some young¶uns and be with you forever.´

I agreed. Of course, saying it jinxed us. The next morning Christian called with bad
news. I was in the den when Tyler took the call. His body language told me it wasn¶t
good before he called for Jack and Jon and me, and put the speaker on.

³I trust you¶re all well and happy?´ he asked, and we all gave varying positive
degrees. ³I¶m going to need Tyler here in Washington. Right now the government is
refusing to move Joan and Jon, but they want to talk to Tyler about the experiments.´

³It doesn¶t have anything to do with his budding reputation as a sadist, does it?´ asked
Jon.

³No- not yet, though Roland is trying to cloud the issues with it.´

³How is Atwood?´ asked Jack.

³He¶s not the mad man everyone thinks²³

³Have you read his website?´ asked Jack.

³Not personally. I know he¶s fundamental- I knew that speaking to him. But he¶s a
very intelligent man and he represents a large group of people. People who don¶t
believe in our work. And he¶s deeply admiring of Joan¶s work- though he says her bad
influences are evident in it.´

Tyler snarled. ³He¶s a religious nut!´

³As I said, Ty, he¶s not a nut,´ Christian said. ³He¶s very intelligent. I know many
men who idolize Joan and her work,´ he insinuated.

³Am I going to have to answer for that?´ he asked anxiously. ³Because I don¶t have a
good answer. I did idolize her. I would and did do ..anything in my power to bring
her here. I¶d do it again,´ he shrugged.

³I know how you feel about her, Ty,´ Christian said understandingly. ³And more
importantly, I know how she feels about you. No one can go against that. She¶s in
love with you. You¶re getting married. The media will realize they can¶t stop you and
everything will be fine. The mess will die down, Roland will realize we are doing
greatly important work- especially once we start under the new guidelines, where we
will harm no clones. But you¶ll have to come, Tyler, and give testimony again. A car
will be there in the morning.´

³How long will I be there?´ Tyler looked at me with worry.

³I¶ve been here two weeks,´ Christian said. ³I don¶t know how long they¶ll need you.
There¶s no way to tell. But Joan and Jon are safe- Jack can give them their medicine,
as we¶ve discussed before. You¶ve got the emergency kit. That way we are sure they
will have to let you go after five days. It will be necessary to refill their meds.´

Tyler nodded, saying, ³That¶ s good, then. I guess I¶ll be ready. I don¶t suppose I
could come back here for the evenings?´ he was looking at my long, sunkissed legs.

³No, Tyler. We want no more traffic to the island than is absolutely necessary. But for
the weekend you can return, surely. I will see you tomorrow, then, here at the
Capitol.´

Tyler was not happy and neither was I. There were issues to be raised, regarding the
clones, regarding the reasoning that brought me here. All I knew was that Atwood
must have a lot of political pull if he can make a sub-committee reconvene. I thought
Corp-Temp had been given permission to do their work as long as they didn¶t kill
clones.

I was restless, pacing in our room before bed ( I could hear Jon and Mary next door,
already in bed and not sleeping, and I ached at the thought of being alone) listening to
Tyler talking to Christian..
³I don¶t like it,´ he was saying. ³I hate leaving her here«.I know, I know.´ He
glanced at me. ³She¶s better than ever. I ran some tests on her, got some extras ready
if there¶s a real problem. I briefed Jack on it. I think she¶ll be fine.´ He was silent,
listening, then said, ³As soon as possible. I don¶t want to delay it, but with Uncle Sam
requesting my presence, there¶s not much we can do.´

I sighed, opening the doors to feel the warm night breeze, scented with flowers, dark
and filled with the rush of the tide. It was beautiful here, but here alone was going to
suck. I was leaning on the railing, watching the stars, glad when Tyler came out,
having gotten off the phone finally.

³I hate leaving you,´ he said. ³But you can¶t be moved. I¶ll try to make it quick.´

³I hope so.´

³Maybe I¶ll be able to get something accomplished on the license. Bring back a
preacher.´

³I bet Christian could get Roland,´ I said sourly.

³Can you believe it? They¶re actually on friendly terms with each other? I hate that,
too. Atwood¶s a maniac.´

³He¶s going to stay that way, too,´ I predicted. ³I hate people like him- pushy,
ignorant, stubborn.´

³Me too.´ He kissed my bare shoulder. ³I¶m afraid this is going to be a short night.´

It was a short night- the car arrived early to take my future husband to the mainland
and I was left standing there feeling like I¶d lost my best friend.

³He¶ll be back before you know it,´ Jack assured me. Jon and Mary had barely come
down to say goodbye before they were back upstairs making noise. The bastards.

I had a lot of spare time now. That first day crawled by, even though I worked a little
on the new book (Joan of Arc) and then cooked. Jack hung out with me almost
silently, and I missed Tyler so much I could have cried. And did, once or twice. I was
wiping tears when Jack said,

³There¶s your man on TV, Joanie,´ he turned the volume up. I saw Tyler sitting in the
chair looking so smart and cute- he had on a really expensive black suit, his pale blue
tie setting off his dark blue eyes. I sighed, knowing any girl would love to have him.
Then I started thinking of all the girls who ›
had him and it made me feel insecure
and inferior. I mean, he had done startling things to professionals.
The piece narrated his exemplary career- he had invented and patented a chemical to
ease the sufferers of depression. He was nothing short of a miracle worker. And after
his professional kudos were sung they went on to his private life-an enormously
siliconed girl told that after a night with him she had to have stitches, and another
pointed to a scar on her back that had never disappeared.

³Let me turn it,´ Jack began, but I said,

³No- I guess I¶m going to have to deal with it.´ And yet I blanched as another girl-
brunette, huge breasted, painted, said, ³He was so rough I had to have my rectum
reconstructed,´

³That¶s enough. We get the general idea.´ Jack switched channels. Then he got up.
³You¶re feeling alright?´

³As alright as I¶m going to get,´ I swallowed hard. I couldn¶t help picturing my own
sweet, courtly, gentlemanly Tyler bending that poor girl over«Yuck! ³He¶s never
been like that with me. I had no idea!´

³He treats a whore like a whore,´ Jack said off handedly. ³They¶re paid for it. Big
deal. They¶re only blowing it up to sell papers. Everyone wants to read about it. And
look at pictures of you two naked together.´

³Naked?´ I asked, horrified.

³It¶s on a news website. Some of the tapes from your monitor are missing. Probably
just the hot stuff. This made it to syndication.´ He clicked a few times on the
computer and there was my familiar old room at CorpTemp- I even knew exactly
when it happened because Tyler gave me a shot and then begged me to leave the light
on so he could look at me. He was quite obviously not fucking me in the ass, as the
world was suspecting, as he stretched his long-legged self between my thighs. It
wasn¶t that great an angle, as far as porno went- there would be no money shot- but
we were easily identifiable; my face looked exotically pale over his shoulder, and it
was evident that whatever he was doing to me, I was enjoying it.

³What in the world has this got to do with news?´ I demanded, embarrassed.

³Well«they¶re starting to wonder if Tyler¶s not drugging you. This shows him
giving you drugs then immediately requesting sex.´

³Are they going to try to press charges? That¶s crazy!´

³No, no it hasn¶t reached that stage yet- I think Atwood¶s just trying to make it look
worse than it is. Oh, there you go- he¶s got to be hurting you there,´ he said
sarcastically as the onscreen Joan looked like she was singing opera.

³People watch this?´ I growled, taking the mouse from him and clicking elsewhere.

³Oh, you¶re a media sensation,´ Jack said soothingly.

³I never wanted people to watch me having sex.´ I said, though in comparison to what
they were digging up about Tyler, this wasn¶t too bad. It just showed us from the
waist up, and only once had there been a flash of my nipple. That was it.

³It¶s not that bad,´ said Jack. ³At least you¶re both beautiful people. They can¶t show
a lot more on regular news. But there are other sites²³

³I don¶t even want to know,´ I groaned. ³There are surveillance films all over, aren¶t
there?´

³Unfortunately, yes. Bootleg sites. Mostly you getting in and out of the shower«one
very expensive twenty minute stretch of you and Tyler- you¶re on top and quite
energetic. You¶re not into anal, are you?´

³No.´ I said simply.

³Good. Keep it that way. Tyler can change if he keeps to normal, healthy sex. Not that
what he does isn¶t normal or healthy,´ he added quickly. ³There¶s nothing wrong with
it. They¶re paid. It¶s just not your thing.´

How is it that I am not terribly uncomfortable talking with Jack? Because he was so
very up front about it. It didn¶t bother him at all. Plus, I figured he¶d seen me and
Tyler in much more compromising positions by this time.

At any rate, I began to get used to having my private life spread out for the world to
see. The discs out on the black market were too numerous to worry about. There were
so many I despaired of ever meeting anyone who hadn¶t seen me naked or getting laid
by Tyler. That good sir called me at noon to talk. I realized I was all alone after we
had discussed the discs and his day and my day and how much we loved each other
and his meeting with Roland Atwood. (He seems normal, was all Tyler would say,
though he went on and on about an associate of Atwood¶s that he knew in University
days- another doctor of biochemistry.)
I held the phone to my heart, wishing Tyler Morgan would appear in front of me-
naked. Is it wrong to be aroused by footage of the man you love? Especially when I
can recall so vividly how wonderful he was.

Where¶s Jack? I thought, looking around the empty house. I was suddenly lonesome
for him, or Jon or Mary. Another human being, please, I thought, walking through
the quiet and empty rooms, then heading upstairs. I passed my room, then paused
outside of Jon¶s. I could hear sounds²

I covered my mouth, recognizing Jack¶s very deep voice, and Jon¶s lighter tenor. And
Mary¶s lovely soprano. They were not in conversation, I thought as I heard Jon
saying, ³Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!´

All three of them? Eeeeww! I slipped downstairs on silent feet, feeling a little
ishy-and intrigued and repelled. Tyler knew it, I realized, when he told me Jack
wouldn¶t be lonely here. How stupid am I? How naïve am I?
Pretty damn stupid, I thought, going to Tyler¶s office where I had my work, too. At
least the Joan of Arc I was crafting now. I was disappointed with them for having
group sex, disappointed in myself for how I felt. It¶s not like I¶m hurt that they didn¶t
invite me. It¶s just that«well..I don¶t know. They¶ve got something to do in the
afternoons. Who¶s watching me while Jack¶s cavorting with those two?

I went to put on my bathing suit, thinking it would serve them all right if I was picked
off by a sniper or eaten by a shark. I went out the back gate to the beach where I was
allowed to walk, and glanced back at the house. Yeah, you guys have yourselves a
ball, I thought, kicking in the sand, which was fine and warm. I walked at the tides¶
edge, teasing my toes with the foamy water that rolled in, wishing I could walk out
and swim in the surges. But I dared not, I thought, going back to the dry sand, sitting
down and using a stick to make a moat for a sand castle. I only had my hands, but I
made use of them, creating a tower with four turrets, and I was still playing when Jack
came out, some time later, wearing khaki shorts and a tee shirt, his gun holster over
the tee shirt in plain view.

³Hi there,´ he said, standing over me with his arms folded across his barrel chest. ³I
was worried about you.´

³I should have left a note. I didn¶t think anyone would miss me,´ I said wryly, hating
Jack in shades, because I couldn¶t see his kind blue eyes.

³Ah, yes. I guess I was a little busy,´ he admitted, smiling. ³But next time do leave a
note. I nearly had a heart attack before I thought to check here. You¶re getting a little
too much sun,´ he reached out to move my string to show the pale skin under it.
³You¶re burned.´

³I was having a good time.´ I said. ³Anyway, it¶s getting toward sunset. I was going
to make dinner.´ I got up, trying to brush the sand off me, which was pretty
hopeless. We walked back to the house, through the gate, and I saw that Jon and Mary
were in the pool.

³I told him you hadn¶t made a break for the mainland,´ Jon said sarcastically.

³Just making a sand castle,´ I said.

³Your nose is burnt,´ Jon observed.

³I have some lotion for that,´ Mary said.

³I¶ll need it,´ I accepted any help. I was burnt- my back was nearly blistered, and I
couldn¶t get a bra on. That night in bed I realized I was so itchy and hot that I couldn¶t
sleep. I used Mary¶s lotion (it¶s possible I medicated my breasts a little longer than
necessary- they weren¶t as burnt but needed something.) but could not reach my back.
I tried to lie on my stomach but that was uncomfortable«I got up and went
downstairs, wishing I could drink.

³Can¶t sleep?´ I heard Jack ask- he was in the den at the computer.
³No- my back is fried.´ I hesitated. ³Did Tyler leave you anything to give me if I
couldn¶t sleep?´

³As a matter of fact he did,´ Jack said, getting up. ³In his office.´

We went to find the extra box of syringes, all labeled in Tyler¶s neat way.

³These are yours, these are Jon¶s. He has them all separated according to what
symptom you¶re displaying. So, here¶s for sleeplessness,´ he expertly loaded the
needle, then said, ³Tyler told me this will hit you hard, so we better get up the stairs
before I give it to you.´
³Thanks,´ I said as I climbed into my bed, holding out my arm. He sat down
and shot me carefully, then nodded as I said,

³That¶s the stuff. Thanks, Doctor Jack.´

³Let me put some of that lotion on your burn,´ he said, ³Then maybe you can really
sleep.´

I agreed readily enough, rolling onto my stomach and pulling the night shirt up so he
could apply the lotion. He rubbed with big, strong hands, all over my back, down to
my white cotton panties. I was sighing in pleasure, moaning my gratitude, and he gave
me a final pat as he said,

³That ought to fix you up. µNight, Joanie.´

³Night Jack,´ I whispered, already half asleep.

I had a really weird dream wherein I found Jack, Jon and Mary all on the beach
playing, building a big sand castle. I asked if I could play and they told me no. The
bastards. I woke up feeling fine, though, and delighted that the lotion had instantly
relieved my sunburn- it was just a golden tan now, and not painful in the least. I
donned shorts and a tank top, bopping down to make breakfast, which fell to me as I
was the only one who liked to cook. Sometimes Jack would help with dishes.

I brewed a pot of coffee and smiled as Jack made his appearance- he had already been
out jogging, and wore nothing but a pair of minute red shorts and running shoes. He
was gorgeous, tanned, smooth and hard.

³Hungry?´ I asked casually.

³Starved.´ He was stretching, rotating his head. ³Want me to go rustle up the rest of
the crew?´

³Please,´ I said. He went to wake the lovebirds while I worked.

³Tyler said I should give you your shots at breakfast,´ Jack brought out his kit, ³So
let¶s get that out of the way. You first, Jon, since Joan¶s still cooking eggs.´

³Hit me, Jack,´ Jon rolled up his sleeve.

I finished dishing up food and Jack shot me, then we all ate. I was left with the dishes
as Jack went to watch the news and the computer. I cleaned the kitchen and went to
work on Joan of Arc. I missed Tyler, I thought sadly. I didn¶t even have any good
pictures of him- just news shots, and that was no good. I wondered if Jon was doing
anything on that portrait we had posed for, but knew he and Mary were having their
mid-morning romp.

I miss you Tyler, I sighed, wondering if he was giving testimony or sitting around
bullshitting with Roland Atwood. I sighed again, feeling lost and lonely.

A week passed this way- each day Tyler gave accounts of his work on me, Jon and
others. The questions, he complained, were repetitive and boring. He had said the
same thing five times. He was coming for the weekend, but they wanted him back
Monday morning.

³But you¶ll be here Friday night, wont you?´ I demanded.

³Yes,´ he promised, ³Friday night.´

Friday night brought him home. It was only a couple hours from Washington, and I
greeted him with as much enthusiasm as was proper. Then we ran upstairs and he
found the time to admire my tan lines.

The weekend flew by. I did not want to hear Jack and Tyler discuss Roland Atwood,
but I wasn¶t to get my way.

³Oh, he thinks he can heal me- he thinks my sexual addiction is curable,´ Tyler
admitted. ³It¶s on his site- he thinks I can really do some marvelous work if I get right
with God. But I never had a problem with God,´ he shrugged. He was wearing shorts
and a tee-shirt, looking casual and mouthwateringly sexy.

³He talk about Joan much?´ Jack asked.

³All the time. He tells me I¶m very lucky to be making her my wife. He still thinks
I¶m drugging her. But I told him I wasn¶t. I couldn¶t do that to someone I love. He¶s
quite the expert on her work, too. He¶s got good taste- and his right hand man is a guy
I went to college with- a bright kid, lots younger than me«.just a kid. Rich was a
Revivalist when he showed up for the fall semester, ´ Tyler grinned. ³I even recall
Roland coming out to give us a stern talking to when I had to bail Rich out one
night«Roland threatened us all with hellfire, you know- though he didn¶t single me
out.´

³I hate him, let¶s not talk about him,´ I crabbed.

That night in bed I was so glad to have him there that I slept wrapped around him. He
didn¶t mind in the least, just said, when we woke up,

³I really do think you missed me.´

³Terribly. I¶ve grown rather fond of you,´ I teased.

³Just as long as you¶re not fond of our little threesome next door.´ He raised a brow.

³Why didn¶t you warn me?´ I demanded. ³I felt like an idiot.´

³I didn¶t even know if you¶d notice,´ he smiled. ³So you caught them?´

³Not µcaught¶ but yes, I figured it out. I don¶t care,´ I said. ³Whatever it takes. But I
was a little put out in not being included.´

He roared with laughter. ³I can well imagine. Don¶t be hurt, Joan, it¶s not that they
wouldn¶t want you there. Jon¶s always wanted to take a swing at you and Jack will
screw anything. They just respect you too much.´

³That¶s good I guess.´ I mused.

³You¶ve never done anything like that, have you?´ he laughed, hugging me close.

³I¶m practically a virgin,´ I said morosely.

³Oh, no,´ Tyler was stroking my back, fondling my front. ³You¶re a passionate,
delicious woman. And you¶re still marrying me, right?´

³Right,´ I said.

Monday morning came all too soon. I knew I wouldn¶t see him for at least five days,
and watched him go with a heavy heart.

Thanks to Roland Atwood the whole clone issue was being raked over again and
again- details of what the clones had gone through were revealed to give people more
of an idea of what these poor creatures suffered. Mine, it was told, had been drugged
with hydrocodone and whiskey, the left wrist brutally broken with a machine- though
the clone was never conscious for any of this. I wondered how they shot the Cobain
clone, and how bad it would feel to blow the head of an experiment you worked on for
months.

As the week went by and various people (including Tyler, Christian and Roland
Atwood) were given their time to talk, I found myself agreeing about the clones, and
thinking maybe their time-traveling grave robbing wasn¶t a good thing.

That weekend Tyler came home again, and when I asked him when I was getting out
of here he said the government was aiming for the end of this conference, when I
would be publicly approved and ready for life on my own and hopefully rid of Roland
Atwood, who was really not that bad a guy.

³Not that bad?´ Jack was astounded. ³He wants Joan to become a religious writer and
dump you!´

³No- no he doesn¶t,´ Tyler said shaking his head. ³He was trying to protect her; he
knew she had no family, no one to look out for her. He realizes Joan is I love with me
and I¶m going to marry her. He even agrees that the change she inspired in me is real,
the product of having found my spiritual muse.´

³Psh!´ said Jack.

³When is this going to be over?´ I demanded. ³I¶m kind of sick of the whole desert
island thing, you know.´

³I know,´ Tyler stroked my bronze arm. ³Soon, I hope. In fact«.Christian¶s

beginning to think you¶re going to have to give a statement, too. It¶s only a matter of
time before you¶ll have to come to Washington, too.´

I sighed. ³I guess it¶s no big deal. At least we¶d be together.´ I felt sadness well up.
³Will we ever get to be normal people?´

³Of course,´ he kissed my forehead. ³Everything is going to be just fine.´

I saw him off Monday morning, feeling dreadful. I crawled back into bed and slept til
noon, when Mary came to get me up for lunch.

³Joanie, you alright?´ she asked, looking all of sixteen in a jumper, with her blond
hair in pigtails.

³I hate this, Mary,´ I sat up, not looking much older myself, in a ponytail, boxers and
string top.

³Everything is going to be alright,´ she promised, and I decided I would have to

believe her.

By Wednesday I was so blue I couldn¶t do more than shuffle through the day. I spent
most of my time sleeping in Tyler¶s office, dreaming of him, and Jack took it upon
himself to try and remedy my situation.

³Joan? Joanie?´

³Hi, Jack,´ I said listlessly.

³I¶ve just talked to Tyler. He wants me to give you a shot, Joan.´ He made me sit up. I
yawned, saying,

³I just want to sleep til he comes home.´

³He told me to run a test on you,´ he was pulling out some of the slides and machines.
³He wrote down how to do it«.´ He was fiddling with a big sheet of instructions and
the test units. I sat there watching him dully, feeling empty and lost.

³Okay«.if he wasn¶t testifying right now I¶d call him«.´ He was looking anxious.
³it says N2 is low«..that¶s the one in the green vial«.´ He was mixing and readying
a needle, for all appearances as if he knew what he was doing.
³Well, that¶s it. Let¶s see how I did,´ he wiped his brow and I held out my arm. He
engaged the needle and pressed the button, and I was instantaneously flooded with a
feeling I¶d only known once before.

He¶d given me the shot in one of Jon¶s needles, we realized but it was too late for that.
I was up on my feet, thrusting him back so hard he just plopped onto the couch. I
climbed onto him with grim determination, finding his mouth and parting his lips,
shoving my tongue in and working his shirt open. He hadn¶t said a word- he couldn¶t,
with my tongue in his mouth. I think his hands waved uselessly while I bit a mouthful
of his tanned, solid throat.

It was the oddest sensation of being completely possessed; imagine going under for
surgery; you try to fight it, keep your eyes open for a last minute and before you know
it you¶re awake, yeah but it¶s three hours later and part of you is missing. I could no
more keep my eyes open before getting my tonsils removed than I could have stopped
myself from attacking whoever was there«

Tyler had struggled- fought me, held me off, preserved his virtue somehow. But Jack
was not prepared for any of this, though he tried. When I unzipped his shorts he made
a small sound and when I tore my summer dress over my head and kicked my panties
off he held his hand out to restrain me with the first real fear in his eyes I'd ever seen
and said,

³No-Joanie, you¶ve got to stop this- I made a mistake²³ He was shaking his head as
if I might not understand µno¶, but he couldn¶t go on, I was kissing him again, hardly
aware that he was finished arguing about it, accepting it pilosophically and kissing me
back, running his palms up to my shoulders. I was so tangled in the shot and my own
situation, which was becoming dire that I didn¶t remember Tyler telling me Jack
would screw anything; I might not have tried so hard. I was mauling his mouth,
writhing against him, sliding my hand down the front of him to see what I was
working with- and it was quite a bit, and ready, I thought lecherously, lowering
myself onto him without much finesse- he cried out when I slammed my hips against
his pelvis, growling against my shoulder like a wild animal as I shoved him onto his
back, never breaking from him or stopping my body¶s violent motion, which was
jolting him even as he gripped my hips with both hands and, far from trying to stop
me, pulled me tighter, helped me along. With all the chemicals going through me I
was finished very quickly- I arched back, aahing and panting, filled with a delicious
sense of peace. I was smiling, delighted that I had done something so successfully.

³Oh, Jack, that was wonderful,´ I said breathlessly, stretching out on top of him,
uncaring of the fact that he was still trembling and rigid beneath me, with both hands
on my ass. ³Thank you,´ I kissed his cheek and he lay there looking at me in complete
incredulity.

³Oh, no, Joan,´ he was horrified, realizing I was done as I prepared to nap where I
was. ³No-I- I can¶t just²³ he began to move out from under me, looking down at
me with flushed cheeks, his blue eyes brilliant, his body tanned and glowing. ³I can¶t
stop now, Joan.´ He was easing me onto my back, nudging my legs apart, and he was
too excited to do more than pin me down, his eyes on mine a long moment, until he
said, ³I really need this,´ as if waiting for an invitation. I blinked up at him and said,
daring him,

³Then do it. I just stopped because I was finished.´

He grunted something then kissed me, as if that was going to make his mind up either
way- and it seemed to help; in seconds he decided he did need it, making me stifle a
cry against his shoulder. I sighed in languorous pleasure, recognizing, even with my
limited experience, that he was an expert. He was crushing me, ravishing me, and I
liked it, wriggling beneath him, adoring his vicious treatment. My teeth tested the
firmness of his neck and I felt the marvelous building of energy that was going to
make us both yell. It was like we were caught in a machine that doesn¶t stop until the
cycle¶s over, and when all the sweating and straining ended we lay in sudden silence-
the kind that causes you to realize how much noise you were making.

He was panting lightly,in such good shape, rolling onto his side, slinging an arm
around me and saying nothing for a long time, while I lay with my eyes closed,
smiling.

³It was the wrong shot, Joanie. I¶m sorry. I'll have to get yours together so when you
come down you don¶t feel awful.´ He sat up- naked, tan, gorgeous, practical. ³God I
hope Jon and Mary were too busy to hear me. I sounded like a bear in a trap.´ He got
up, finding his shorts. He was regarding me with a peculiar wariness- waiting for me
to freak out.

³It wasn't your fault. I started it,´ I said in explanation.

³Is that what happened with Tyler?´ he asked.

³Pretty much, except he held me off,´ I grimaced at the gallons of sticky fluid
streaking down my thighs. I went to the bathroom across the hall and listened to the
silence in the house- the TV was on in the den, but I couldn¶t hear Mary and Jon
anywhere. I was probably still under the influence of the shot because I didn¶t feel like
I¶d done anything that bad-kind of wanted to do it again« I was kind of hungry, too. I
went to the office and caught Jack sitting there with his hands covering his face,
shaking his head, and I felt bad on his account.

³It was an accident,´ I said quietly. ³It wasn¶t your fault.´

³I don¶t know. Maybe Tyler could push you away but I couldn¶t,´ he said shortly,
standing up, not looking at me.

³Let¶s get something to eat,´ I said. ³I¶m starved.´

He went with me- part of his distress might have been not knowing when the weirdo
might decide to start reacting like a weirdo. I made us sub sandwiches and we took
them out to the pool, where I drank a Pepsi and he sipped a quart jar of whiskey. We
didn¶t say much- nice day. Pretty hot.

³Joan, I¶m sorry,´ he said at last, when about a third of his drink was gone.
³I know- me too.´ I asked.. ³But it was an accident. Did you plan on giving me Jon¶s
needle so I¶d rape you?´

³No-³ he paused. ³It wasn¶t rape, of course--I wish I¶d just stopped when you were
done. But I couldn¶t-³ he sipped his drink again. ³I¶m sorry about it. We had the
perfect relationship. I hope it¶s not ruined. I hope you don¶t feel you can¶t trust me.´

³Of course not,´ I patted his arm before I got up with our empty plates. ³It was just an
accident. I didn¶t wait to ask permission, did I? It was rape; I did it without your
consent. And I was dreadful, wasn¶t I ? Just quitting like that«I don¶t blame you. At
least you asked. And I said yes.´

When Jon and Mary tumbled downstairs I did not miss Jack¶s sharp look at them
(wondering if they¶d seen or heard us, I knew) but there were never two more
involved people. They hardly looked at us, and I was glad for their selfishness. We
lounged together, the four of us, watching TV (The news was terrible- more of Tyler¶s
whores, and more of Tyler, Christian and Atwood on the stand.) and it was late when I
said,

³Jack, you might better give me my shot now.´

³Come on,´ he nodded, and it was such a matter of course that Jon and Mary barely
looked up. We went to the office and Jack checked the needle three times before
shooting me.

³That¶s the stuff,´ I sighed. ³You did just fine.´

He was sitting on the edge of the desk looking tense, and when he realized nothing
bad was going to happen he relaxed and said,
³Thank God,´ visibly relieved.

³It wasn¶t your fault,´ I soothed.

³I didn¶t use his needle intentionally, no,´ He admitted. ³But I didn¶t try very hard to
stop you either, did I?´

³Well«I don¶t know if you could have.´ I shrugged. ³No harm done, Jack,´ I said,
and the phone rang. It was Tyler, bored with the city, missing me, and worried about
his reputation being flayed alive in public .

³I don¶t care what they say,´ I said, pacing out by the pool on the cordless. I listened
to his day (Atwood was pretty funny, he admitted, and they had enjoyed lunch with
Christian. He had only testified for a short while, giving a procedure done to a clone)
and didn¶t hesitate when he asked me how mine went.

³Fine,´ I said, not adding, I had sex with Jack and it was terrific.

³I miss you.´
³I miss you too.´

³I¶ll be back Friday evening.´

³I can¶t wait,´ I breathed, thinking of his beautiful body. ³When is the conference
going to be over?´

³I don¶t know. Things are cooling down. Roland doesn¶t even think I¶m that bad-
though he does say I¶m a hedonistic swine. He sees what an utter slave to you I am-
and thinks it¶s a good thing; I told him at lunch today that when I¶m with you I¶m
normal and decent.´

³I love you so much!´ I moaned, feeling bad that I had raped Jack- ineptly. For one
moment I considered spilling my guts but then, for the first time ever, I felt like what
Ben must have. I didn¶t want to hurt him. I¶d never do it again. I didn¶t want to slide
off that pedestal he constructed for me.

At least we¶re not married, I thought, as if that made it better somehow.

³Of course,´ I agreed to something he said, though I had no clue what.

³I¶d better go. I promised to meet Christian for a drink,´ he said. ³I love you. Talk to
you later.´

I hung up, sat down by the edge of the pool and wondered if I was feeling like a 20th
century person or a 22nd century one. I would never have done something like this to
Ben- oh, I¶d had my few small temptations during life, but none of them had even
descended to the level of a kiss. Once a very handsome young cook named Mark who
had a terrible crush on me had µhelped¶ me get a box out of a far corner of the freezer
by holding onto my waist and µaccidentally¶ copping a feel of both breasts as I caught
the box from falling to the floor. I had turned on him with wide, hurt, reproachful dark
eyes and he reddened, apologized profusely explaining that he slipped. Often,
catching him watching me as I worked in a long black velvet skirt and white frilly
blouse, I felt flattered and curious. I¶d never had another man- back then- and Mark
was cute. Of course, I would never encourage him- though once when we were in the
freezer finding the vegetable blend I knew I ordered I quite deliberately leaned over
him to turn a box sideways so I could check the label, my breast against his arm. I
heard his breath catch as I said, yeah, that¶s the box, and he turned quickly to help me
pull it out from under some other stuff. The ±24 degree air in there had made my
nipples audaciously hard, and poor Mark could not drag his eyes from them as we left
the freezer for the warmth of the kitchen.

Whatever happened to him? I wondered idly. A hundred and some-odd years later it
surely didn¶t matter. He¶d found another job, I think- probably with a pretty hostess he
could have. I was married to Ben, then. And even before we were married I¶d never
looked at another boy.

Except for Troy«Troy«what the hell was his name? We¶d gone to church- all of us.
Troy Danes. I¶d known him almost as long as Ben. Though he and Ben didn¶t care for
one another, we were frequently thrown together because of our mothers. Troy¶s
family moved in sixth grade and changed churches, and we didn¶t see much of Troy
until high school. He grew up, was no longer the pale, skinny wimp he¶d always been.
His black hair and black eyes no longer seemed so dark and overpowering- he¶d
grown out of the awkward stage Ben never had and was an athlete, popular, and quite
openly interested in the changes that had taken place in me.

He was a perfect gentleman. Everyone knew Ben and I were practically married. But
it was Troy who told me the very first time Ben had sex with someone else. We were
all at a school sponsored trip to an amusement park, and I wondered how I got
separated from Ben. Then I wondered where Crissy Sims was. Troy climbed into my
car in the Haunted House and whispered that Ben was fucking Crissy in Counselor
Vic¶s van.

³You¶re lying!´ I hissed.

³I¶m not. They¶re doing it now. Ben wanted to lose his virginity.´ Troy¶s voice was
tart. ³And he didn¶t want to wait for you. Everybody knows you¶re holding out.´

I let him manipulate me into a make-out session that got him to second base- under
the blouse, over the bra-and I recall vividly my confused amazement when he slid my
palm down the inside of his leg- why his leg? What the hell is that? I did not know
that Ben¶s full-blown erection (barely filling out the front of his 501¶s or my cupped
palm at the front of them, which was as far as I had gone.) was nothing to write home
about.

Of course by the end of the ride I came to my senses and pushed the young man away,
with apologies, my maidenly virtue triumphing over prurient curiosity. I fled from the
Haunted House frightened not of the ghosts and vampires, but of myself and what I let
Troy do.

Ben was back from the van- so was Crissy. Seeing how carefully they avoided each
other I knew something had gone on- Crissy would screw anyone, I knew, and Ben
had been trying to get into my pants for- let¶s face it, years. Since we were fourteen.
He was tired of waiting for me, I thought gloomily. In a startling sixteen year old turn
about, I confronted Ben in the amusement park- looking back I wonder what people
thought of the little teenage married couple. I¶d been hurt, bewildered, he was
defensive, admittedly guilty. (Yeah I fucked her. You don¶t know what you¶re
missing.) I still remember my exact words when I broke with him. ³I can¶t trust
you. I can¶t love someone without trust. I¶m breaking up with you.´ And I handed him
the promise ring he mowed the lawn to earn. He was standing there with his mouth
open as I found a group of my girl friends (we were cheer leaders for the football
team) who gave me sympathy- I was the married woman, truly, with them giving me
all the grown up platitudes; he¶d be back- he didn¶t know what he was losing- there
were other fish in the sea. Our soap opera was the theme of the whole trip. Shelly
Chancer told me I¶d better find someone to make out with on the trip back so Ben
would get jealous. I saw the wisdom of this and when we boarded the bus I minced
past Ben in my Daisy Dukes and tiny top, ponytail bouncing, and stopped at Troy
Danes¶ seat.

³Is this seat taken?´ I asked, not meeting his intense dark eyes.
³No,´ He dumped a shopping bag onto the floor and I sat down.

We had left at the crack of dawn to get to Six Flags at noon. We left at seven that
night, already exhausted- our chaperons were on the point of a breakdown. One of
them sat in front of Ben (not privy to the gossip that me and Ben were not in danger of
PDA¶s. And the other was back in the last row sound asleep and sunburnt. Someone
was playing AC/DC¶s Back in Black softly on a ghetto blaster.(Mood music) and I
knew, despite the high backs of the bus seats, that Ben was aware of every detail; his
buddies and Troy¶s buddies were everywhere. My girlfriends were all over, and it was
like a sportscast. I could actually hear the occasional whispers, ³He¶s holding her
hand.´ Then, ³He¶s kissing her- with tongue!´ then, ³He¶s got his hand on her tits!´

I don¶t know how many have made out in bus seats. Troy was very tall, folded over
me and I was conscious of having a furtive audience- talk about prurient curiosity! If
some of these kids paid as much attention in school. I looked up to find a friend of
Ben¶s staring over the back of his seat at us as Troy was kissing my neck, stroking my
breasts over the blouse (I barely got used to Ben touching them- he still hadn¶t
actually seen them in person) moaning about how beautiful I was as if he didn¶t care
the entire varsity team was watching. No doubt it would have been a feather in his cap
to bag Ben Winter¶s girl.

³Oh, dude, she¶s touching his dick!´ someone hissed as Troy stroked my hand along
the inside of his thigh- I pulled back with a small sound of protest and Ben¶s eager
friend said,

³You ought to do it. I¶ll watch for Mr. Peggs.´

Well that just embarrassed me- I was freeing myself, shaking off his hands, feeling
gross.

³I¶m sorry Troy,´ I said simply, softly enough so no one could hear- beyond the next
seat, where two linebackers were groaning their disappointment.

³I know you¶re a virgin,´ Troy whispered, urgently trying to pull me back. ³I wont
hurt you-I promise I¶ll be so careful, Joan- I¶ve got condoms, I wont get you
pregnant²³

³I¶m sorry- I just can¶t-³

³Joan?´ how loud Ben¶s voice was against our whispers. He was standing there in
shorts and a tee shirt, golden hair curling on top, short on the sides. ³I want you to
come sit with me.´

I raised my eyes to his resentfully, though I did sit up straight as if I hadn¶t been
making out with Troy. Ben led me back to his seat and we had a long conference. I
didn¶t know it at the time, but I think the idea of me touching someone else¶s dick
really alarmed him; he knew how he measured up, possibly. I suppose they all shower
together.
After he apologized and I apologized he never brought up Troy Danes again, though
they were never friends.(And in my diary I only made a brief, oblique allusion to the
whole affair) Troy, periodically, would hit on me, to no effect, when Ben wasn¶t
around.(though once in a bar at a Superbowl party he caught me alone by the
bathrooms and tried to kiss me) He was dangerously attractive though I forgot about
stroking his erection over his jeans- it slipped my mind. I bet the rest of the varsity
had forgotten too. Even Troy.

In the end I attached myself so securely to Ben that it kept away the rif raf. He was a
lot sneakier when he was unfaithful (always with the excuse that he had to get it if I
wasn¶t giving it to him- until I gave in and we had sex when we were 17. I caught
him again mere weeks before our wedding which he promised would be the last time.
It wasn¶t) and no one bothered me much- though I¶m afraid I remember the ones
who dared. I thought I was safe, after we married. And I was not stupid. I needed to be
safe again. There¶s no telling what I could be talked into if I was a single woman.

I went to bed, part of me fantasizing what would happen if the door bust open and
Jack appeared to find me in this tempting little black nightie, and the rest viewing that
part as some kind of sick pervert. I was back on my routine breakfast shot that day,
taking mine at the same time Jon took his, and realized, as the day went by, that Jack,
bless his heart, was distancing himself from me. Whereas we had gotten into the habit
of swimming together once a day, or watching TV together, or even walking along the
beach talking, now he kept his nose in a book, (I noticed he always read the last pages
first- Jack was the kind of guy who hated surprises and liked to know what was in
store for him even reading!)or on the computer, and only kept his eye out on me when
I went to the pool. I didn¶t feel like walking, but as I served dinner to all three
self-absorbed assholes I felt distinctly hurt. Mary and Jon were playing kissy face and
Jack had a magazine open. He had been so polite all day, but he barely looked up
from the fried chicken I made- though he ate like a horse.

Tyler called that evening of course. He was looking forward to tomorrow night. How
was everything? Slow.

³Well, Roland is taking me and Christian out to dinner,´ he observed, ³So I better get
going.´

³Atwood?´ I asked.

³Yeah- he¶s alright. Richard says he¶s calming down. I¶m going in the morning for the
paperwork on the marriage license. I¶ll bring it to the island tomorrow.´

I sighed, hating that he was so far away and frankly jealous that he was hanging
around with Roland Atwood, who, sight unseen, I didn¶t like or trust. I wasn¶t a pagan
or anything, but I didn¶t like someone imposing their beliefs like he did- it was just
ignorant, arrogant power wielding, I thought.

It was an endlessly boring evening. Jon and Mary were making no effort to entertain
me at all and Jack was avoiding me as far as you can when you often have to be in the
same room with someone. I was working on the computer- more research for Joan of
Arc- and Jack was reading something with his sandaled feet up on the ottoman, as if
he was entirely alone, a big balloon of brandy on the table next to him.

I copied some notes for d¶Arc, read some encyclopedia entries and saved my disc,
sighing in disgust at myself. I stole a glance at Jack, who was deep in a book by Leon
Uris. I got up with my disc, pacing by the pool table, which Jon and Mary used for
immoral purposes, so none of us cared much to play.

I couldn¶t stand it, Jack ignoring me like this- especially with as much fun as we used
to have.

³Jack,´ I said suddenly. He leapt about a mile, fumbling his book. He looked up at me
with a crabby scowl.

³Yes?´ he asked coolly.

³I¶m sorry about yesterday. I know that¶s why you¶re being all scary and cold.´ I
knew I was adorable. I scooted his feet over and sat on the ottoman.

³I¶m not being scary and cold,´ he argued. ³I¶m trying to maintain a professional
distance.´

³We didn¶t need distance before.´

³That was before²³ He was sitting up, concerned at my coming so near.

³Jack- it was the drug, not me. I would never jump on you like that. Would you ever
have expected me to do that Y Y
, knowing me as you do?´

³No,´ his lips didn¶t move. He sipped his drink, leaning back.

³So you don¶t have to be afraid of me now,´ I said encouragingly. ³I¶m not going to
attack you- not that I didn¶t enjoy it a lot, because you¶re really good at that,´ I said
quickly. ³But- I know you wouldn¶t have²you weren¶t²I mean, you didn¶t
mean--you know what kind of uptight Puritan I am,´ I saw a smile was tugging at his
lips- he was looking into his brandy snifter when I said, ³So forgive me, Jack, for
treating you like a twenty dollar masseuse. It convinces me if nothing else does that
I¶m pretty pathetic in the erotica department- a downright miserable rapist. I could
have spared you the guilt, if I¶d been able to do you right,´ I mused. ³I just quit
because I was finished!´ I said, shaking my head. ³That was most definitely a man¶s
shot.

He laughed aloud. I started smiling as he chuckled and then said, ³Alright, Joan. I see
I¶m safe with you.´

³It must have been quite a shock,´ I sighed. ³Well, no harm done. If I¶d been some
bimbo in a bar you picked up you wouldn¶t have thought twice about it. Except you
wouldn¶t have had to see her again.´

³But you¶re not some bimbo. I¶m glad you¶re not. You didn¶t tell Tyler did you?´
³No, and I¶m not going to. It was an accident.´

³He¶ll know one of Jon¶s syringes is gone- it doesn¶t tally with the count. And you
have an extra.´

³Empty one of mine and say you broke one of Jon¶s,´ I said, surprised at how easy
this was. He raised a brow and said,

³Good idea. Well«I felt weird all day today, Joanie and I¶m sorry. I was afraid you¶d
start wigging out on me or something.´ How cute he was, contrite. And he was a man
who didn¶t like contrition, I knew.

³I don¶t feel too bad about it, oddly enough,´ I said honestly. ³I regret not being better
at it,´ I started to laugh a little. ³Ben always said the only place for me was on my
back.´

³You ˜Y
Y bad; nice to watch,´ he said politely- he surely hadn¶t got much out of
that part, but I was his boss. He drained his drink and got up to pour another.
Watching him made me want a drink, so I poured some pineapple juice and wished.

³You don¶t think Tyler¶s drugging you, do you?´ Jack asked, standing by the pool
table. I was still on the ottoman with my juice, and I shook my head.

³No. I didn¶t fall in love with him because of the drugs.´

³You wouldn¶t know it if you did.´ Jack remarked.

³No- I love him,´ I had no doubts. ³I worry that he¶ll realize how boring and
backward I am.´

³He¶s read your diary,´ he said ³we all have. We know how backward you are.
You¶re the girl who agonized for a whole semester whether to let Ben kiss your
nipples after he touched them.´

I had forgotten that. I blushed, standing up, walking to the windows. ³I was innocent.
I don¶t know why. I guess I led a sheltered life. And besides, there was only Ben.´

³You were a hell of a trophy wife,´ he observed. ³Tyler¶s going to have to be really
good to you.´

³You don¶t think he¶ll want me to chain myself to the bed or anything like that, do
you?´ I asked warily.

³I don¶t know. He seemed pretty into it. Don¶t let him do that to you; it¶s too
psychological with him for you to be part of that dark side, Joanie. You¶re his savior.
He¶d die if he knew we had sex- you know that?´

³He¶s got me up on a pedestal,´ I admitted.

³I checked the office for cameras, just in case. It¶s clean. There is one in your room-
you didn¶t know that. It¶s to monitor for intruders,´ he looked so businesslike it
made me blush, thinking of the many things I¶d done in the privacy of my room. Oh,
well, it was just Jack.

³He would understand,´ I said. ³It was a chemical. I couldn¶t have fought it and you
couldn¶t have fought me,´

³He did.´

³I know! I¶m amazed.´

³He resisted you, and he¶d want to kill me for not being able to. I¶ll never admit to
anything as God is my witness,´ he swore.

³Me either,´ I swore, and I felt better about it.

³Hey, have you seen Atwood¶s latest?´ he asked.

³No- is it bad?´

³It¶s weird. Weird as hell. He¶s making a big deal out of Tyler- his rehabilitation
potential impresses our little preacher. And he¶s gotten rid of a lot of pages- no more
phone harassment, Joan. This looks almost like the equivalent of Absolution from a
priest. He mentions you¶re marrying Tyler. He actually says that sometimes two
people are brought together to save them both.´ He raised his eyebrows. ³I don¶t
know why, but I don¶t like it.´

³Neither do I.´ I sighed. ³He¶s just not right, to have that much power.I wonder when
we can go back to Texas? Do you want to go there, Jackie?´ I ruffled his hair as I
walked by, dragging a chair to read the monitor over his shoulder. I caught a glimpse
of my name in a link and clicked it- it was a news link, and the story was about the
Winter clan, who gave their statement when questioned about their friendship with
me.

³Look at what Min says,´ Jack laughed. I read it aloud.

³¶Joan is a wonderful, normal woman and people need to stop hassling her. We
invited her to Oktoberfest but I don¶t suppose she¶s able to get out of hiding to come.
The whole family is really disappointed, especially Grandma Min.´

I smiled, feeling a bit of gratitude that I had friends.

³They¶re nice people,´ Jack observed. ³I hope things settle down and you can visit
them. You need family. Tyler and BB are like brothers.´

He didn¶t know Ben made a pass at me. Though I was sure he was aware of the
attraction BB felt for me. I didn¶t say anything, because I didn¶t like to sound stuck on
myself, but despite BB and Tyler¶s friendship, I didn¶t know how well it would go
with me around.
I learned, also, during one of my long phone conversations with Tyler that BB had
met him in Washington several times, so the two could go golfing when he was
finished testifying. I accepted their instant bond and thought about a friend of Ben¶s
who had always thought I was neater than ice cream- his name was Cameron and he
was one of the smartest people I knew- though his inner beauty was not equaled by his
outer appearance. Sadly, he was homely, and not good with girls. I introduced him to
a girl I worked with who had some sense and was attractive enough to be secure with
an ugly guy, and he was happily married when I died. Did I see BB in the same role?
Complimenting me when I looked nice, reminding Tyler when it was our anniversary?
(I didn¶t know until we¶d been married ten years that Cameron was the one who kept
track of my birthday and anniversary)

BB wont do that, I thought. He¶s going to be Tyler¶s friend, and I probably wont see
him much. I can live with that. He¶ll be polite when we see each other at the Winter
place in Tulsa. I will be careful not to dress sleazy or let myself in for trouble when
people drank too much.

³You know they are just golfing,´ Jack said this out of the blue.

³Who?´

³Ty and BB.´ He said. ³They¶re really playing golf. I had them followed once²³ he
stopped. ³I know it might have been stepping a little out of line, but I felt you¶d need
to know if BB¶s taking him to the clubs. BB¶s a whorehouse regular, with almost as
bad a rap sheet as Ty with the ladies. I was only being safe.´

³Thanks, Jack.´ I said, glad that he was more suspicious than I was. I knew I could
trust Jack with anything, and the fact that we¶d done..what we did«only cemented
our unspoken bond.

³Atwood¶s really getting to be too much,´ he stated. ³Suddenly he¶s agreeing to the
experiments not involving clones? He¶s been rabid about how evil it is to tamper with
time and life. His sect uses all the modern conveniences, though. They just complain
about it.´

³Tyler and Christian both like him,´ I said, feeling puzzled.

³He¶s charismatic. Good looking, unattainable, perfect²there¶s never been a breath

of scandal attached to him. He¶s utterly legit. He¶s living his lesson, I suppose.´

³Well I hope he gets his people off my back. It would be so cool to go shopping, or
drive to a friend¶s house or something.´

³It¶ll settle down. The sub-committee is looking at things favorably.´

I hoped there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I slept badly, anticipating Tyler¶s
return, wondering if I could successfully hide what I had done to Jack. But I pictured
myself wide-eyed and innocent. Everything¶s fine.

The day was dreadful- despite Jack being better company. We went swimming after
lunch and he took Jon¶s offer of painting seriously, setting up an easel out in the
dining room where the light was good, and began splashing some colors on a canvas,
looking out into the front of the house where there was a stone walkway among some
trees. I began a big meal, raiding the freezer, digging out the ingredients to make
chicken piccata- Tyler loved it- and delighted when Jon and Mary showed up with
fresh lemons from the little orchard in the vegetable gardens.

I had taken some trouble to look my best. I wore a summer dress and sandals, hair up
for cooking, though I¶d let it down for Tyler to admire when I was done. I had
everything ready except the sauce, waiting impatiently by the door. When I heard the
car descending I skipped outside with glee, rushing to meet my man, who was just as
glad to see me.

³God I missed you!´ he swung me up- feeling his body against me made me weak
with lust- dinner plans were forgotten as we ran upstairs. He yanked my summer dress
over my head, glad to find just tan lines as he pushed me onto the bed, kissing me
voraciously, working his way down to my breasts, which burned under his mouth. He
started to kiss down my flat, tan belly and I sat up quickly.

³Oh, please,´ I gasped, because it was not the first time I had talked him out of it.
³I¶ve only done that a couple times and I wasn¶t any good at it!´

³The responsibility for being good lies with me on this one; though I never made a
practice of it I think I¶m adequate,´ he wedged my legs apart with his shoulders- I
was a nervous wreck- Ben had tried this- once after the prom, once on our
honeymoon«never successfully, it was like he was trying to eat overcooked broccoli
or move a bus-

³But I-³

³Shhh«´ He was sticking his tongue out when I gave up and sprawled on my back
resignedly. But he wasn¶t trying to push a bus. This was the first time I ever realized
why those particular parts are called labia- lips. There¶s an infinite ability to French
kiss them, I found, and I was persuaded, little by little, to cooperate fully, to the
extent of grabbing the back of his head while I supplied the sound track.

³«ohhhh«.´ I was cross-eyed, ³You are good at that!´ I sighed as he stretched out
on top of me, confiding,

³I have very little practice with that- I¶m glad you got something out of it; I¶m only
going to be troubling you for about twelve seconds, it¶s been so long.´

³No trouble at all,´ I said bashfully, a little repulsed by the idea of kissing him until I
had his tongue in my mouth- he tasted merely salty/sweet, not like flounder, and he
was more excited than I¶d ever felt him- except for maybe that first time in the
cemetery. I was practically in tears of pain and joy while he swept me up and shook
me, leaving me shuddering, vaguely aware he had pulled out and made more of a
mess than usual.

³Sorry,´ he was gasping. ³I didn¶t tell you; I had my plugs removed Monday. I
wanted it to be a surprise but not this much of one. I doubt that¶ll keep you from
getting pregnant²³

³I don¶t care,´ I said, surprised at myself. ³I¶d love to have a baby. I¶d love to have
j

baby,´ I corrected, kissing him and going to hose off. He wandered in to watch
me, offering to try again, but I said,

³There¶s Chicken Picata drying out; you¶re probably starved.´

³Pretty much,´ he was pulling on island uniform of shorts and tee shirt. ³I´ve been
bored as hell without you.´

³Even with Christian? And Atwood? And Atwood¶s friend? And BB?´ I teased,
adding underwear to my outfit.

³Atwood¶s friend is Richard and they are no comparison to you,´ he said. ³Though
Ben plays a hell of a golf game. Now, where¶s Jack?´ he asked aloud as we walked
downstairs.

³Welcome home,´ Jack appeared with whiskey for them both.

³Glad to be back, thanks,´ Tyler looked so relaxed and happy, I thought with stars in
my eyes. What if I did get pregnant? What if the tilted uterus was only barren with a
tiny penis? What if even now I was starting a life?

I wasn¶t- I would find out Monday my period started. But we had the whole
weekend to talk about it- and we kept trying. When he rolled onto his back Sunday
morning I tried my hardest, so intent on his pleasure that, though I succeeded with
him, I forgot about myself entirely. But I did it, I thought proudly- I always did it with
him. I bet I could have made Jack if I hadn¶t been lazy and selfish. I was appalled
and aroused, so I tried to ignore it in the shower where Tyler turned up, attracted to
the idea of me being wet and naked.

He was insatiable, I thought fondly. I knew we were making up for lost time. I hated
the idea of him leaving.

³Christian says you¶re going to have to give testimony, too. I¶m afraid they¶re a little
more interested in our doctor/patient relationship than I thought.´

³Why should they care? I¶m not being drugged.´ I said in puzzlement.

³They can¶t believe someone like you would go for a guy like me on her own, I
guess,´ he said. It was late Sunday night- he had to get up at 6 to leave in time to
arrive at the bio-ethics subcommittee by nine.

³I¶ll tell them to mind their own damn business. Did you get the papers put away?´ I
asked.

³All ready to go. I¶ll drop them off Monday morning. Then it¶s a day or two to make
sure we¶re not related or something. If I can get a preacher we¶ll do it this weekend.´
³That sounds fine,´ I said. ³I¶m going to need some clothes.´

³I talked to Bernhardt about it. He said to order anything you need and then he¶ll have
it delivered with the weekly supplies. They¶ll be in Friday.´ He said.

³Alright,´ I smiled. ³I¶ll get everything ready. Nothing too formal, I hate ceremony.
Simple-³

³And some white lingerie, please, that I can take off you or not, as the mood strikes,´
he suggested.

³I can manage that,´ I laughed.

³This is going to be a long week,´ he whispered against my cheek.

We barely slept that night. If Jack was at the camera monitor he was getting a full
menu of earthly delights. We emerged from a shower after midnight and I kissed
Tyler all the way down his belly, teasing him with my tongue (which Ben loved in
life; and it was much easier with him- Tyler loved it just as much so it was worth it)
until he wasted another attempt to get pregnant. He tried again, though, after he
returned the favor with lush generosity. I loved him and told him so, many times, and
even cried when he got into the car to leave in the dark.

I threw myself into chores, fantasizing about having a baby until I went to the
bathroom and discovered I certainly wasn¶t pregnant. All that work! I felt a little
blushy at some of it, but I loved Tyler, with my whole heart, body and soul.

Jon and Mary got up hungry, not even bothering to see Tyler off. I fed them, smiled at
Jack, who was returning from his morning jog and set him up with breakfast.

³You look tired, Jackie,´ Jon looked away from Mary for five seconds to notice. ³It
must have been all that noise Joanie and Ty were making«´

³Were we noisy?´ I asked regretfully.

³Oh, God, yes, yes, yes, you were noisy,´ he moaned.

³We only get to see each other for two days. Look at you guys!´

³I¶m sorry, I¶ll lay off,´ Said Jon. ³That was wrong, when we get to be so happy.´

³I think so!´ I said austerely. Then I brightened. ³I have a busy week ahead of me;
Tyler¶s planning on bringing a minister this weekend so we can get married. Mary,
will you be my bridesmaid?´ I asked plaintively.

³I¶d love to,´ said Mary, all at once all girl. We giggled and squealed and went to the
computer in the den so we could shop online. There were tons of sites- and with the
holographic screens and virtual equipment it was almost like being there. I found a
dress I liked that cost almost three thousand dollars- but I had checked my debit
account and found so much money in there from the sales of my book that I felt
obligated to buy things.

³Let¶s pick out a dress you can actually wear again,´ I said thoughtfully, clicking
around and finding more things. I didn¶t care about cost- I was rolling in it, with
Joan of Arc in the wings, bound to earn even more because I was not conflicted here-
I wrote in my usual style, unfettered and free, probably influenced positively by being
so very in love.

I was in love, without a doubt in my mind that I was doing the right thing. We were
ideal for each other- who cared if we were depraved perverts as long as it was only
with each other? I trusted him more, absolutely, with the same trust I¶d started out
with Ben but lost so soon. I was so happy all through the week that I barely noticed
the days flying by as I made menus²okay, there were only going to be six of us here,
including the priest, but it was a party. I was delighted when Tyler called to tell me
the weekend looked good and he was thrilled.

³When is this stupid thing going to be over?´ I demanded.

³That¶s the best of all,´ said Tyler, ³Next week looks like it might be it- then we¶re
outta here, though to another sort of secluded spot I can¶t discuss yet. I¶ve got all sorts
of approval pending, and we¶re going to have a great honeymoon- though we are
taking Jon, Mary and Jack with us.´

³Sounds good to me,´ I said. ³I can¶t wait to get off this sun-drenched, gorgeous
place.´

³I know. I¶m sick of being in town.´

I did miss him, I thought a zillion times a day. On Friday morning I was up early,
fussing around with the house- our supplies were due to arrive and I was ready for
them. I was also more than ready to see Tyler.

I fixed lunch, which Mary and Jon came down for, and Jack and I went swimming in
the heat of the afternoon, paddling where it was shaded, and then lying around in the
chaise lounges until he heard the sound of a car descending.

³Mm,´ he glanced at his watch. ³They¶re early. But you know how deliveries are.
Let¶s go see what you got,´ catching up his holster and gun, he sprang up on his long
tan legs in that tiny suit and I did, too- tan myself, and so easy in a swim suit I often
wore one all day, with a towel wrapped around my waist as a skirt. I was thusly attired
when I caught sight of the van in the drive- it looked like a delivery van, but I wasn¶t
sure what to expect as Christian had taken care of the orders. I followed Jack eagerly,
thinking he was a little paranoid when he said,

³Let me take a look around,´ he made a motion for me to stay back and I obeyed. No
one was getting out- odd- and the back doors were both wide open. He went to lean
his head in the van, then stepped up into the back, and I heard nothing more.

³Jack?´ I called. I wondered if he was playing with me. I went to the back and peered
in- it was dark-

My instincts to run were too late. I was spinning around to high tail it to the house and
someone shot me with an air needle- like Tyler¶s needles, I thought before I went out.

When I woke up I was disoriented, hungover, completely unaware of my location,

what time of day it was, or, for a minute, which time I was in. Both of them seemed
equally dreamlike- my eternity with Ben, my short paradise with Tyler. I was sitting
up in a bed- more like a cot, I thought, shaking my hair out of my face. I was still in
the bathing suit, and I felt fear sweeping over me as I looked at the cell I was in.

This looks like jail, I thought, finding my beach blanket so I could knot it around my
waist. There was a toilet, sink, mirror. I washed up, feeling better for some cold water
on my face, and then straightened up the cot. I leaned against the wall, staring at the
door which had no knob and no window. Why was I here? Had the government
decided to move me?

No- Jack would have known. Where was Jack? I hadn¶t been able to see him in the
dark van¶s interior. I wondered who might want to see me locked up. I couldn¶t think
of anyone but Roland Atwood, and that, viewing his chummy status with Christian
and Tyler, seemed highly unlikely. He¶s changed his mind.

But somehow I knew it was Roland Atwood. I was not entirely surprised when he
himself, with his assistant Dr. Andreas, (who was his age, taller and handsomer; I had
seen him in the background on Atwood¶s TV show- he was the one Tyler knew from
college) came to my cell not long after I¶d woken up. I was smiling bitterly as the
heavy door swung open and they came in, while a man dressed like a security guard
locked them in with me.

I¶d been around fundamentalist people before. They blanched at a pierced ear, a
woman with short hair or tattoos. Makeup, low cut, it was all bad. And there I was in a
string bikini with my hair hanging, not restrained properly as became a woman of my
age.

³You¶re Roland Atwood,´ I said, standing up tall and crossing my arms over my
chest.

³You know me?´ He was short, I realized. Maybe 5¶6´, 5¶7´. A few inches shorter
than I, barefoot and vulnerable, I towered over him.

³I¶ve seen your site. Jack warned me about you. Where¶s Jack?´

³Jack is fine,´ he had a nice voice- tenor, expressive, southern. ³We¶re trying to do
the right thing, Joan. Can I call you Joan?´
³I guess- what am I doing here?´ I demanded.

³I¶ve been concerned about you,´ he began- he spoke well, as if he had practiced. Dr.
Andreas, who was just standing by the door watching Atwood, said nothing. ³You
were brought here to this century as a science experiment. Tyler lobbied hard to get
you as the subject. You were retrieved by CorpTemp, you¶ve been maintained by
CorpTemp; you¶re about to marry the man who practically demanded you be the test
recipient. Doesn¶t that seem a little odd?´

³Tyler loves me,´ I said serenely, sitting on my cot, drawing myself up proudly. ³He
always loved me. And I love him.´

³Do you? Or are you being subdued with all of those drugs he¶s given you?´

³Of course not. Is ›  what this is about?´

³Yes.´ He was standing straight, too, looking down at me- and he was cute, kind of
boyish looking- regular features, piercing blue eyes. I lowered mine before his and
said,

³So what? When can I go back to Tyler?´

³You¶ll be here for a period of 30 days detoxifying your body.´ It was Dr. Andreas¶
turn to talk. ³Roland has secured authorization from the sub-committee to make sure
you aren¶t being chemically subdued.´

I lowered my head into my hands and cried. They waited me out, though, and the
doctor said,

³Joan, I¶m friends with Tyler Morgan. I¶ve known him for a long time. I can keep you
on the regular dosage of meds he¶s said he has you on; you¶ll be fine,´ he assured me.
³This is just a formality.´

³Then why aren¶t I at some government facility?´

³W all thought a home-like atmosphere would be more appropriate,´ Dr. Andreas said
with sympathetic dark eyes.

³Why so secret?´ I demanded.

³Frankly, we didn¶t think you¶d agree. And we knew Tyler wouldn¶t. We got
permission from Dr. Bernhardt- who is your acting physician since Tyler is engaged
to you- and went ahead with the plan,´ Atwood said.

³Bernhardt sold me out!´

³He wanted to do what was right,´ Atwood said persuasively. ³And the results of your
stay will be the deciding factor.´
³Thirty days,´ I said acidly. ³Jack¶s here, too?´

³As your security. He¶s been briefed fully and he¶s up settling in,´ Andreas observed.
³You were both heavily sedated. It might take awhile to feel normal,´

I sighed, ³So what? Thirty days and then I can go back to Tyler?´

³If you still love him.´ Said Andreas.

³Joan, we know you have no family, no one to look after your interests. I know we¶ve
offended you acting so precipitously, but I felt it was necessary,´ Again Atwood
sounded like he was reading from notes. He never hesitated. Never said uh. ³I like
Tyler myself- he¶s a great guy, but you have to admit, with his past it behooves us to
make sure he hasn¶t taken advantage of his position of power.´

³Tyler would never do that,´ I said firmly. ³I fell in love with him because we have so
much in common, and we¶re compatible in every way.´

³I hope you say that when this 30 days period is up,´ said Atwood. ³We¶re ready to
take you to your room, if you¶d like.´

I sighed. ³Okay, I guess there¶s nothing I can do about it. I was getting married
tomorrow!´ I said, tears welling up. I went out of the cell when the turnkey released
us, glancing around and saying,

³So what is this place?´

³It¶s the Revivalist Center,´ Andreas answered. ³We do a lot of charitable works
here.´

³How¶d you get the government to go for this?´ I raised my brow at the guard, who
was checking out my scantily clad body.

³We presented the information, had a safe place for you²³

³Wait a sec,´ I snapped. ³You were the people phone harassing me. I¶m safe with
you?´

³All that was a terrible misunderstanding,´ Atwood said gently. ³It¶s been
straightened out. And hopefully we¶ve either saved you from making a grievous
mistake or at the least given you time to clarify your thoughts.´

I shrugged, walking between them through an underground tunnel, it seemed, to a

bank of elevators. I was reminded vividly of the trip from the bin to my suite at
CorpTemp, and I felt my spirits rise a little- thirty days. That was all. I could stand
being without Tyler for 30 days. Then we could get married and be done with it, I
thought happily.

The elevator took us to a car park where there was a vehicle waiting. I got in, feeling
really weird in my bathing suit now, and sat sullenly while we journeyed across the
Revivalist Center to a cozy looking brick home with what looked like a
mother-in-law¶s house to the side- the famous abode of Roland Atwood.

Apparently his followers lived better, I thought, as I was shown in- a big lady in a
shirtwaist dress and white hair in a bun opened the door and let us in, not seeming to
notice how nearly naked I was.

³Jack¶s in the study²³ another woman came in to see what was up- she was closer to
my age, somberly attractive, and very much noticing I was half naked.

³You¶ve been letting her walk around like ›?´ she asked as Atwood disappeared
down the hall.

³She hasn¶t got anything else, Rebecca,´ Andreas said. They bore a family
resemblance- both olive skinned, dark haired, dark eyed, classic profiles, lovely
mouths. ³I hope you can help her out a little.´

³She¶s taller than I am,´ Rebecca said grudgingly. ³But I might have something
decent.´ She barely stressed µdecent¶, as if I wouldn¶t know what it meant.

³Joanie?´ we were on the stairs when I heard Jack coming out of the study behind us.
I flew down the stairs and threw myself into his arms, so glad to see him safe, letting
him swing me up in a circle before he let me down again. ³You¶re alright! Thank
God! You know what¶s going on?´

³We need to get Mrs. Winter properly attired, Jack,´ Rebecca announced loudly,
making me hug Jack quickly and say,

³We¶ll talk when I¶m properly attired.´

I went upstairs- Roland Atwood had gone to talk to Jack and I walked behind
Rebecca, in front of Andreas. The wide staircase led to several suites of rooms on
either side of the hallway and Rebecca opened one door, saying, ³I¶ll find something
her size- coming Richard?´

³I¶m going to talk with Joan a little while you find her things. She might need some
assistance getting used to this, you know,´ Andreas said, making her raise her arching
black brow and say,

³I¶ll bring her back something to wear.´

I walked into the room- rather like a hotel room, with a bed, desk, TV, computer, and
bathroom with a shower.

³So who¶s Rebecca?´ I asked, touring the room, looking in the big closets, the
comfortably appointed desk. He was watching me like a doctor, I thought idly,
pausing in front of the window.

³She¶s my sister. She practically raised me. And Roland. She runs the house with an
iron hand.´
³Sounds fun,´ I straightened the curtain, which was pressed and sparkling clean. ³I¶ve
got 30 days here before I can go back to Tyler?´

³Yes,´ He said. ³Unless you find yourself wanting to do something different, you
certainly aren¶t lacking in resources,´ he seemed surprised when Rebecca came back
so soon, walking into the room without knocking, as if she didn¶t like leaving her
brother alone with me. She had some clothes on her arm, and laid them on the bed.

³There¶s everything you need for today. I can find some more things which might be
suitable. I¶ll bring them by,´ she said curtly. ³Richard, we¶d better let her get
dressed.´

I made a face at her as they left, then looked over the things she had brought- wool
tights, clunky shoes, a brown cord jumper with a white blouse under it. A clip for my
hair. No makeup.

Sighing, I showered and dressed, twisting my damp hair up and glad I didn¶t need to
bother with cosmetics. I thought about Rebecca, who was probably not much older
than I and yet who just wasn¶t in the same class as me. I was wrong in feeling smug- a
beautiful person knows she is beautiful and a woman like Rebecca knows she is not. It
simply was that way- like when me and my cheerleader girlfriends walked by a group
of geeks and knew that we were just too good for them. It was a fact of life.

Anyhow, I left my room as soon as I looked like a nun in training, meeting Jack in the
study- he was dressed in slacks and a shirt, nothing unusual, but up to Revivalist
standards, I guessed. I greeted him happily, only laughing when he eyed my clothes
and said,

³Have they converted you already?´

³No- just all they had to cover up my shameful nakedness. Can you believe Bernhardt
sold me out?´

³I knew something was up. I guess they just want everything to be unimpeachably
perfect when you marry Tyler. No drugs.´

³I¶m not on any drugs,´ I said crabbily. ³I think this is ridiculous. But it¶s 30 days. I
guess I can stand that.´

³It seems all for the best,´ Jack was looking at me significantly; I knew he couldn¶t
say what he wanted and I left it at that.

³Hi, Jack,´ Rebecca was coming into the study, frowning as she realized I was there
too. ³Supper¶s ready,´ she said coolly. ³If you¶ll follow me.´

She liked Jack, I thought. And she hates me either because I¶m a godless heathen or
because I¶m a beautiful woman just enough younger than she that it brought up
comparisons.
She took us to the dining room. Everything was nice, simple, clean and homey.
Atwood was eating at home, I heard as I slipped into the chair Rebecca indicated. She
sat down next to Jack and I glanced around at my table mates- Jack, Rebecca, her
brother Dr. Andreas, the white haired housekeeper Mrs. Gumm and a young man who
helped out around the house named Sid. Rebecca introduced us all, identifying me
by saying, ³That¶s the famous Joan Winter,´ and I wondered, aside from my looks,
why she disliked me so much.

³I talked to Dr. Morgan,´ Andreas said as we began the delicious meal that was
meatloaf, mashed potatoes and other comfort foods that hadn¶t gone out of style and
probably never will. I looked at him expectantly, and he said, ³He¶s asked me to run a
series of tests on you and we¶ve gotten a shared file so he can view the results. He¶s
concerned about you.´

³When can I see him? Or talk to him?´

³Roland¶s working on that,´ Andreas said casually.

I picked at my food, missing Tyler«by this time he would have been back on the
island«

³What about Mary and Jon?´ I asked suddenly. ³They must be worried sick!´

³Assuming they¶ve realized we¶re gone,´ Jack pointed out, making me smile.

³I would have liked to run some tests on Jon, as well,´ said Andreas. ³But we weren¶t
able to secure permission. With your impending marriage this situation was seen as
problematic,´

I rolled my eyes. ³I love Tyler. He hasn¶t been drugging me so I¶ll fall in with his evil
plans, either.´

No one said anything. I put my fork down feeling sick and Andreas offered to start the
tests now so he could get the results to Tyler.

I went along with it. He took me to the study and worked on me with all the familiar
machines and slides. Jack came in when he was finished eating and I looked up at him
helplessly as I lay on the couch being a freak.

³Thirty days is all, Joanie,´ Jack said comfortingly.

³How do you know Tyler?´ I asked Andreas.

³We went to the same University studying the same subjects- bio chemistry. I felt a
leaning to learn it working with the church- I felt God had opened up these
opportunities so I could help people suffering from depression.´ He was busily
looking over his work. ³Of course no one was more brilliant that Tyler- brilliant in
every way, a lot older than I was- he barely remembered me from those days until I
reminded him of the things we¶d done!´ he shook his head. His black hair was cut like
Atwood¶s- just practical. ³He was a bounder even back then, spending his grant
money on the biggest party our campus ever saw«.´

³I¶m surprised you were allowed to study outside the church,´ said Jack.

³If Reverend Atwood had been living I wouldn¶t have. But I showed skill and Roland
thought it would be a good thing.´

³Why didn¶t you just become a preacher and dispel all the demons?´ I sniped.

³Because imbalances of brain chemistry aren¶t usually affected by demons,´ he

replied.

³How did you meet up with Reverend Atwood?´ Jack asked conversationally. He was
pacing with no drink. I felt for him.

³Reverend Atwood rescued us from an Armenian orphanage when I was a baby and
Rebecca was ten- our mother was killed by soldiers; we never had a father. It was a lot
smaller then- the Center was brand new. Roland and I were nearly the same age-
about a year old. That was 30 years ago. Rebecca has stayed here to help Mrs. Gumm
and I work with Roland,´

³Why isn¶t Rebecca married?´ asked Jack, of all people.

³Becky? Married?´ Andreas looked astonished. ³I don¶t think she wants to. Why
should she? She¶s perfectly happy here.´

Jack nodded, suppressing a smile, and I said,

³She probably keeps very busy,´

³All the time,´ Andreas was getting back into his work, no longer thinking about his
sister getting married.

Rebecca herself made an appearance after she had finished up the evening cleaning.
She was built nice, I thought, with a little waist and big round ass. Her abundant black
hair was piled into a wad at the back of her head, and though she was bottom heavy,
her arms were exquisite, and her face, at forty, had the loveliest complexion. But she
wasn¶t beautiful.

³I was telling them about Reverend Atwood rescuing us,´ Andreas said, more
interested in his screen than her reply, which was,

³God bless him for what he did! He saved our lives,´ she sat down at a desk and went
to work on a computer.

³What¶cha doing?´ Jack meandered over there, watching over her shoulder.

³Household accounts- and this is my latest project,´ she opened a file. ³This is a
record of all our charities- it¶s automatic, so no one gets missed,´ she was blushing as
Jack pulled up a chair and watched her. I smiled a little, knowing full well Jack could
pour on the charm and was irresistible to everyone.

³Well,´ Andreas, closing his laptop, noted how close Jack was sitting to his sister.
³I¶ve sent this to Tyler- and included the number here so he can call you, Joan,´ he
stood up. ³Rebecca?´

³I need to finish these files, Richard,´ she said, and he dismissed himself, casting a
quick look at her.

I wandered around the bookshelves, anxious for the phone to ring. I was pacing to and
fro, wondering if Tyler was going to check his mail, and then when the phone did ring
I jumped like a scalded cat.

Rebecca was the closest. She reached for it, looked at me, and said, ³It¶s for you.´

³Joanie?´ his voice made my knees weak.

³Tyler! What the hell happened?´ I demanded.

³This is a big fuck up Joan,´ he sounded like he¶d been drinking. ³Christian made a
deal with Wilkes and Atwood- they forced him into it- pointing out he had to be
responsible for you as I was unreliable when it came to Joan Winter«dangled all
kinds of test rewards in front of him if he cooperated- he says it¶s just a month.´ He
scoffed.

³Where are you?´

³On the island with Jon and Mary. We¶re going back to CorpTemp Monday.´

I was silent, hurt, walking to the far end of the study. h ˜ they get to go back?

³Why did Christian do this to me?´ I asked quietly.

³He wanted to stop the talk. Atwood raised some unpleasant conjectures for the
committee- there was an article in a news magazine that cast some aspersions on my
medical ethics-³ he paused. ³With that I have the right to sue for libel, and I¶m
considering it, because medically as a doctor I¶ve never done jthing wrong. So they
have to prove that you weren¶t coerced by sedation into sleeping with me and
marrying me.´

I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. ³I miss you,´ I said sadly.

³It¶s going to be alright. I never gave you anything inappropriate,´ he said

confidently. ³And the good part is, once this 30 days is up it¶s over. They¶ll have
you here for questioning and that¶s that. We can go back to work on our projects²the
guidelines of which had really narrowed, to indulge Atwood and his people. How do
you like Richard Andreas?´ he asked.

³He¶s okay,´
³I know him- he¶s got a good background. He was a skinny little 18 year old frat
brother of mine. He knows what to do. What do you think of Roland?´

³He¶s short,´ I replied.

³ How¶s Jack?´ he asked, laughing.

I looked at him- he was sitting backwards in a chair practically hanging over

Rebecca¶s shoulder.

³He¶s fine,´ I said.

³Mary and Jon are mourning your absence. And not just because there¶s no food here.
But no one misses you more than me,´ his voice dropped. ³As soon as you¶re out of
there and through in Washington I¶m going to take you away for a week. I love you.´

I loved him, too. We talked for two hours, then I had to go to bed. I was unable to
sleep when I got there, though, so I sat up til the wee hours working on Joan of Arc (I
could access my work anywhere, and even though the discs were all at the island, I
still had my things stored) and thinking that even now I should be rolling around with
Tyler, wrestling in that big bed, parting his lips with mine«.it wasn¶t fair.

The high handedness of it bothered me. No one listened to me. I love Tyler and it¶s
not because of the drugs. The idea of kidnapping me and putting me in de-tox for a
month was just obnoxious. Would I never have any control over my life? Just because
I went crazy and killed myself once people thought my opinion held no weight. It was
disgusting- and I wished I had Christian¶s number here, so I could call and tell him so.
Selling me out to make people stop talking- taking control of me like I was his
property...infamy!

News about me was ominously quiet- the weekend was given over to entertainment
information, with very little of me and CorpTemp mentioned. I kept up with things
Saturday, realizing from breakfast on that I was going to have to amuse myself as Jack
was fascinated with Rebecca and was probably planning on seducing her. She wasn¶t
going to cotton to that.

I ate breakfast with the same six of us and went upstairs to straighten up the room. I
had no clothes, no books, no one to talk to«.Tyler and I would be getting married
today, if they hadn¶t interfered. Bastards.

I had to ask Rebecca for more period supplies- the flow had slowed but now seemed
worse than ever. She brought me what I needed and looked at me thoughtfully- there¶s
nothing like a period to show a girl she¶s no different from any other girl.

³You were getting married today,´ she said.

³Yeah,´ I had come out of the bathroom in yesterday¶s clothes. ³I would have been.´
And been on my period for it, as well! It should have stopped already.

³What¶s Jack like?´ she asked, absently straightening the computer monitor with an
eye to its symmetry rather than how it would break your neck to read it.

³You see what he¶s like,´ I said casually. ³That¶s Jack. Straight forward and up
front. He¶s a wonderful friend.´

³He seems very nice.´ She agreed.

³He doesn¶t have a permanent girlfriend,´ I stated. She was blushing again, her cheeks
ruby red.

³That wouldn¶t matter. Not to me.´ She put both hands in the small of her back and
stretched- having sat too long at the pc with Jack. ³I¶ve never even been on a real
date. I don¶t think I¶ll ever get married. No man is worth losing your independence,´

Now ordinarily I would agree with that, but just how independent was Rebecca?

³Never had a boyfriend?´ I asked curiously.

³Not at all. I¶ve spent my life working for my family- the Atwood¶s, Richard. I
haven¶t had time for any silly stuff.´ She was still red, so I knew that might not be
strictly true.

³Well- you just don¶t have any men here, do you?´ I asked.

³Roland and Richard have lots of ministers and people they work with. But I stay here
at home.´ She sighed. ³I¶ve kept to a monastic lifestyle to keep Roland and Richard
happy. Now- I¶m forty, I have no children«´

³I know what you mean. I can¶t get pregnant,´ I said sadly. ³Ben and I tried for years
until we found out there was something wrong with my uterus,´

³You can¶t have children?´ she raised her brows.

³Tyler says we can try- he knows some good doctors. But I never could get pregnant
with my husband.´

³I¶ve read all your books,´ she said suddenly. ³Your diary«´

³There are a lot of things left out of that diary that make it look like I¶m a real²³

³No, no, you¶re a good girl,´ she said, sitting down on the bed. ³I was expecting that
good girl to arrive here in need of saving- and instead you were a half naked tart!´

³I was swimming!´ I said, insulted. ³I was kidnapped!´

³I didn¶t mean it like that«´ she looked at me with anxious dark eyes. ³But you
love that doctor, don¶t you?´

³I do- and he¶s never done any of that stuff with me,´ I said, though why I should
want her to know was a mystery. ³It¶s going to be a long month.´
³You¶ll be alright.´ She said, ³Things will be back to normal before you know it.´

I hoped so, but didn¶t make any big plans. I was resigned to being bored in Puritan
Prison for a month while the government flim flamed the media about where I was. I
wondered why Christian hadn¶t interceded for me- maybe he could have appointed the
Winter family as my immediate family, instead of leaving me to the machinations of
Atwood.

I suppose I had to have a target for all my frustration. I spent most my time locked in
my room- Jack came once in a while, Tyler called once in a while. Jon and Mary
called Monday morning from CorpTemp, making me miss being around people who
cussed and fornicated.

³This is a bunch of shit, Joan,´ Jon was saying- ensconced in his old room, hanging
out with Tyler, who had already left for Washington. I assumed Atwood and Andreas
were there, too.

³I know. I can¶t believe Christian did this to me,´ I sighed. ³I would be married and
on my honeymoon.´

³I¶m sorry, girl,´ Mary said on the other phone, ³We¶ll have a big party when you get
out,´ like I was in jail. But I grasped at it and said,

³Sounds good. This sucks. I think Jack likes the housekeeper, though,´ I observed.

I was bored to the point of tears- I had no attention span to work and I was lonely for
the long conversations and lazy TV I had been getting from my friends, and to tell the
truth I would have loved to spend the whole rest of this day in bed with Tyler. This
kind of schedule just gave me time to think- mostly about crap I didn¶t want to think
about anyway.

Can Tyler live without me for a whole month without his goodness suffering the
strain? Is he able to resist the pulls of his baser nature and a promiscuous society?

C¶mon, why should I care if he goes to a men¶s club and beats the hell out of some
augmented tramp for a hundred bucks- or three, or five or whatever? He could afford
it. I didn¶t want him doing it to me«I suppose I didn¶t want him doing it at all. I
didn¶t want him having a need for it. Ben¶s need for other women always hurt me so
much, I dreaded it happening with someone else.

So in doubt, worry and ennui, I lingered along the corridors and in my room for the
week, clinging to the phone and sleeping when I wasn¶t doing anything else. I had no
interest in my hobbies or food or work, as I indulged the wallow in grief as I¶d never
allowed myself when I was alive. Back then there was always something I had to do, a
job, chores, tasks, something. Ben was there to distract me«I missed Tyler.

When Atwood and Andreas came to the Center (which I had not explored further and
had no interest in) they both were surprised at my change of just a week.
Jack had given me the shots Tyler detailed for Dr. Andreas, and though I hadn¶t
shown any obvious signs it was evident to them that something wasn¶t right. I had
barely greeted them at the dinner table that Andreas said,

³After supper I need to run a test or two, Joan, do you mind?´

³Fine,´ I said, poking my fork at some luscious creamed peas I couldn¶t eat.

³I¶m sure it¶s been a long week,´ said Atwood, who had been prevailed upon to stay
for his favorite meal of pork chops, peas and applesauce. He was frowning at me- he
looked big sitting down, and he said, ³You¶re not feeling suicidal, are you?´

³No,´ I answered. ³When can I see Tyler?´ I asked.

³We were talking about that,´ Atwood said. ³He¶s to come tomorrow, for the
afternoon,´

I was so excited about µtomorrow¶ that µafternoon¶ didn¶t register. I was thinking
about how great it would be to see him- touch him- lather his body with kisses, let him
roll me onto my back with that deadly look in his eye«

³Did you hear me?´ this was Andreas, leaning forward into my line of vision. ³If
you¶re not going to eat, let¶s get to those tests,´ He insisted, making me raise a brow
at his bossiness- the jerk. I didn¶t like him anyway.

³Starving yourself isn¶t going to help,´ he snapped as I followed him to the study.

³What?´ I asked sharply.

³You¶ve barely eaten this week, Rebecca told me. She¶s been worried. She says
you¶re pining.´

³I¶m in love with Tyler. We were supposed to be getting married,´ I reminded.

³So that¶s unchanged. Good,´ he noted it on a pad. ³Tyler will be glad to hear it. You
know Atwood wont allow you to have sex here,´ he said casually.

³› ?´

³No. You¶re not married. You wont be allowed to have intercourse here. It¶s just a
visit.´

³We¶ll see about that.´ I snarled. Though when he gestured to the couch I stretched
out readily enough. I had ordered clothes online again, and these were new- and in
deference to my surroundings. I had on a long black skirt and a simple black sweater.
I liked the wool stockings and clunky shoes, and kept to them.

³I¶ve got a letter from Tyler- I think I¶ll just call him and have him walk me through,´
he observed, dialing the phone which Tyler immediately answered.
³Hi Rich, how¶s Joan?´ I ached at his voice on the speaker.

³That¶s what I¶m calling about. She¶s been moping all week, no appetite, no interest
in her hobbies- sleeping a lot. Missing you.´

³I miss her, too- but I¶m eating like a pig to fill that empty hole. Joanie?´

³Hi Tyler,´ I said. ³I do miss you. I just want this 30 days to pass.´

³I know. Me too. But we can¶t have you losing ground after we¶ve worked so hard,
can we? Okay, Richard, do a complete level and function assessment. How¶s she
look?´

³Uhm«´ he was taking the sample from my arm, but he glanced up at my face and
said, ³Pale. Big eyes, dark shadows. She¶s not sleeping well, either, I don¶t think. Jack
didn¶t notice anything terribly odd or he would have alerted us.´

³Yes, he¶s good for that. So how¶s the level reading?´

³Mmm«look here. Highs and lows all the way through the N and R. What do you
think?´

³I think you need to balance that out right now. The chem.-217 ought to do it,´ Tyler
waited. He must have heard me sigh when the shot was delivered, because he said,

³Better?´

³Yes- I think so,´ Said Richard, looking at me closely.

³I think I¶m better,´ I said aloud.

³She really shouldn¶t go a whole week with no testing. I didn¶t set Jack up for
anything routine- but you might have to. If we¶re in Washington all week, we need to
have someone there taking information.´

All the sudden I felt really weird. She, he called me. Like I was just a specimen.

³Tyler I can¶t wait to see you!´ I exclaimed, and his voice, when he spoke, was quiet.

³I know, Joanie. I can¶t wait to see you either. This whole mess will be over before
you know it. Feel better?´

³Not as hopeless,´ I admitted.

³Take good care of her, Rich,´ Tyler sighed.

I wasn¶t crying when I walked out of the study to the big foyer, which was empty and
dark, and there wasn¶t anything I wanted to do suddenly. I didn¶t know where Jack
and Rebecca were..I didn¶t care to talk to Atwood- even if I could locate him. I was in
better spirits thanks to the shot and impatiently waiting for the time to pass so I
could see Tyler.

I went up to my room and began to work on Joan of Arc. At least I could focus now,
and it was like rejoining old friends. I glanced up and realized it was two in the
morning. My back had gone stiff and I stood up with a stretch, calculating that it was
twelve hours before Tyler got here. I slipped out of my room to go downstairs for a
snack, as I had my appetite back. I knew my way around the kitchen, and made a
sandwich and snagged a soda from the fridge. I was circling the big old kitchen to see
if there was anything else I wanted and I heard a sound.

Horrifically, it brought to mind another time- I was sneaking, then, too, arm casted,
drugs in my system«Ben had been making whoopee in our bedroom; the cat sounds
were similar.

I knew where Rebecca¶s room was. She had a suite right off the kitchen, since she did
so much of Mrs. Gumm¶s housework. Of course Mrs. Gumm was in the other
downstairs room, far from here. I doubted she¶d be making sounds like that«

Trembling, I paused outside the four steps that led down to Rebecca¶s room and
listened. It took mere seconds to realize it was Jack in there (I¶d heard him make
sounds like this- kind of a bear in a trap sound by his own admission) and if that was
Rebecca she must have learned a few things from him.

Well how do you do? I thought, trying not to smile as I hurried upstairs with my
sandwich and pop. Jackie¶s getting some! And so is Becky, as I knew what those
escalating moans of passion meant. I bet Atwood would throw them both out if he
heard that. It¶s a tribute to Jack¶s charm that we¶d been there eight days and he
already spent his nights in her room.

Lucky girl, I thought, eating my sandwich and reading over what I¶d written in this
last spasm. Maybe she could be blackmailed; find a place for me to be µalone¶ with
Tyler or I¶ll tell them what you were doing with whom. Except I can¶t do that to Jack,
who was probably not hating this as much as me.

I put on a new black satin nightie (ordered in defiance of the Revivalists¶ preference
for flannel) and went to bed at nearly three, wandered through twisted dreams and
woke up at seven with a headache and the sad knowledge that Tyler wouldn¶t be here
until the afternoon. I rolled over, thinking, I might as well try to sleep the day away.

I ignored all the calls to come down for breakfast- even Jack. I¶d developed a
powerful jealousy of that good man in the wee hours of the morning, and shouted
that I was sleeping, leave me alone. I flopped onto my back, glaring at the ceiling. It
wasn¶t fair, me not being able to have Tyler when Jack was getting to do the
housekeeper.

It was nearly noon and I was thinking about getting up and showered- I had bought
perfume, makeup and accessories online for this very eventuality, and I wanted him to
see me healthy and glowing, not dark, dull and sickly. No man likes a sickly woman,
it goes against everything instinctual about getting a healthy mate to continue your
species. I think I read that on Roland¶s site.
³Joan?´ someone was tapping at my door. They came in- Andreas and Atwood, one
with my shot and the other with a deep, concerned scowl.

³You¶re awake,´ Said Andreas without surprise. ³You never came down for
breakfast.´

³I¶m trying to wile away the hours before Tyler gets here,´ I was sitting up with the
black satin robe swathed around me, hair in a tail, no makeup.

³That¶s understandable, but isolating yourself is not going to help,´ Atwood was
sitting down at my desk where the computer was on. Joan of Arc was open, and when
he jostled the mouse and began to read I didn¶t even notice as Andreas was perching
on the edge of the bed to give me my shot.

Oh, I remember Tyler doing this- back when it was still fun to tease him, before we
were sleeping together and I got a charge out of watching his mouth water.

I lowered my robe enough to let him shoot my arm, feeling none of the mischievous,
lively joy I had with Tyler. But the shot was good; Tyler had already called him to tell
him what to put in it. I pulled up my robe and said,

³When¶s he coming? Two, still?´

³Yes he should be here by then.´

I glanced at Atwood who was reading d¶Arc. ³Hey, now, that¶s my work, there,´ I
said, hopping up and rushing to protect it.

³I¶m sorry,´ Atwood sprang to his feet. ³I- must have moved the mouse when I sat
down«Joan, it¶s incredible!´ he observed, sitting back down in the chair and
returning his attention to the screen. ³Has Tyler read this?´

³Yes- I send him what I write,´ I said woodenly, because I was still shy about my
work. I felt being a µwriter¶ was pretentious. I just had to get these things out of my
head. But I didn¶t like anyone else seeing them- and Atwood no doubt would not
appreciate the more physical descriptions.

³May I read it?´ he asked belatedly.

³You already are,´ I grumped. But I was flattered, as any writer is likely to be when
someone likes their work. I got a disc and leaned over him to transfer the file, which
was huge, undivided into chapters yet, and my breast kind of bumped his shoulder in
the action. It was nothing, really, I didn¶t like him enough to flirt with him. But I
heard him gasp when it happened- I was straightening up quickly, embarrassed, ( he
was a 31 year old virgin, for God¶s sake) as he said,

³I liked The Lost Queen very much, you know. This is even better,´ he waited for the
file to transfer and pocketed the disc. ³Your historical grasp makes even French
history come alive, Joan. I¶ll excuse myself now, Richard, unless you need me?´
³No- I told Tyler I¶d do this shot if she ever got up; I¶m finished here,´ he was
gathering his things, and as soon as they were gone I jumped into the shower and
began to fluff myself up for the man I loved. I fixed my hair and put on a happy,
healthy face, choosing a dress carefully. I found a skirt and sweater, pulled on thigh
highs and left off underwear, since my period finally stopped and I might somehow
get a chance at him. The thought of stuffing him into a closet and attacking him made
me wobbly, but I determined to do just that if I got the chance.

Unsure of what might be on my face if I saw Jack and Rebecca, I stayed away from
them, though I kept checking the window out front to see if Tyler was there yet. I
saw him getting out of his car.

I raced downstairs and out the door, meeting him on the steps, where he grabbed me
in a bear hug which got me close enough to get to his mouth, which I had missed so
much. I was greedily kissing him, which he liked, when Atwood cleared his throat
behind us and welcomed Tyler to the Center.

³Ah! Roland,´ Tyler was putting me aside, though he kept his arm around me. ³It¶s
good to see Joan,´ he picked up my hand with the bling bling on it and kissed my
fingers. ³I¶ve been miserable.´

³Well you, Jack and Rebecca will have the afternoon to yourselves,´ Dr, Andreas
made it abundantly clear that we were to be chaperoned. I grimaced, then perked up as
Atwood added,

³We have a service to film today. We¶ll be heading for the Auditorium shortly. You¶d
be welcome to come but I¶m sure you have a lot of catching up to do,´ if he only
knew.

They left, thank God, and we joined Jack and Rebecca in the study, where I promptly
sat on Tyler¶s lap and continued where we left off, daring either of those two to say
anything. But I had underestimated my prey.

³Joanie- I can¶t do this.´ He held me on his lap, though. ³I promised Roland I

wouldn¶t have sex with you here. It¶s against the rules.´

³Fuck their rules!´ I whispered. ³And then fuck me.´ I bit his ear and he groaned.

³I promised, Joanie,´ he held me tight, though, resting his face against my shoulder.

I sighed. I guess this would have to be enough. I glowered at Jack and Rebecca, who
were sitting at the computer whispering, wishing they were well and away somewhere
else.

³They can¶t go to Joan¶s room- there¶s a camera,´ Rebecca was saying to Jack. ³But
they can have my room.´

Tyler raised his brows.

³Well- you wont be giving her drugs,´ said Rebecca, looking suddenly beautiful with
her maidenly flush. ³And she¶s so in love with you, Doctor. You were supposed to be
married«´ she looked at Jack for confirmation. He just nodded. ³Joan, you know
where my room is, don¶t you?´

³Just off the kitchen?´ I asked breathlessly.

³Yes,´ she said, but I was already up and dragging Tyler off. I shut the door and
locked it, and he was undressed, clothes thrown all over Rebecca¶s neat, simple,
homey room.

Tyler was as much the victim of raw need as I was. I gloried in it, telling him I loved
him a dozen times, so glad to be with him that I could only smile. We made love three
times, then again in the shower, then we went to eat with Jack and Rebecca, who were
smirking at each other. They didn¶t think I knew what they were up to, but I did- and
it was only after we ate and then went to my room while Rebecca took Jack to hers
that I realized what they were doing was dangerous. And Jack, while being a great
guy and terrific piece of ass, was messing around with a woman way out of his league.
I wondered how he had persuaded her, got her past all her Revivalist inhibitions,
which were worse than mine.

³How¶s Joan of Arc?´ Tyler asked.

³Coming along,´ I said. ³Atwood asked to read it´

³It¶s a good book. So you were feeling bad last week?´ he was at the computer- he
pointed out the camera that monitored me and I sighed sadly.

³I feel bad now,´ I said. ³I hate it here, Tyler. Even CorpTemp was better than here.´

³Well it¶s not for much longer.´

³Three more weeks!´

³Well, when it¶s over there can be no question that I¶ve only exercised the highest
ethical standards when it came to you.´ He said austerely, making me kiss his cheek.

³I know, Tyler. I think they¶re horrible to insult you.´

³Have you seen the news?´ he asked.

³Not much.´ I said.

³Good. Don¶t watch. They¶re bringing up everything I ever did in my whole life. It¶s
pretty ugly.´

³I wont look,´ I assured him, coming to seat myself on his lap. ³I miss you, though. It
might even be nice to see you on the news.´

He put his arms around me and hugged me.

³Three more weeks,´ he said gloomily.

³Well, they¶re beginning to realize I really do love you- not just your vein candy,´ I
teased.

³You do love me, don¶t you?´ he smiled. ³I¶ve got everything set up for our wedding,
you know. All the stuff you ordered is at CorpTemp, stored with your old chest.
We¶re going to the mountains when you¶re done here,´ he said, making me shiver in
delight.

³I even miss Jon and Mary, though God knows we didn¶t see them much. At least I
could hear them once in a while.´

³I know. We had a cozy set-up.´

Someone knocked at the door; it was Rebecca, saying that Roland and Richard were
home from doing the show. I winked at her (she looked carefully blank at that) and we
went down. Andreas wanted to look over Tyler¶s records so he could try to anticipate
when I¶d hit a low. I could have told him I¶d be low as long as I was forcibly
separated from Tyler.

I hated how well Tyler got along with Atwood- who exhibited signs of a sense of
humor joking around with him and Andreas. Jack was bullshitting with them and I
found Rebecca in the kitchen.

³Thanks,´ I said. She was working on dinner- after which Tyler would go back to
Texas. I would sleep in my bed alone and wish this was over.

³Roland would kill me if he knew,´ she said while I went to help set the table.

³I know. It¶s a dangerous situation,´ I said, implying her situation, not mine.

³It is,´ She was glad I caught her meaning so quickly. ³It¶s dreadful.´

³At least I¶m going to get out of here in a month,´ I said tiredly.

She stopped in front of the sink- a pretty woman now that her face was soft- she dried
her hands on a cloth and said,

³I wish I could.´

³Then go! You¶re old enough, you have skills,´ I urged.

³It¶s more than that,´ She admitted.

³Jack?´ I asked.

³Yes«´ she glanced around to make sure we were alone. ³I¶ve never been in love
before. Not like this.´ She stopped. ³Here comes Richard. Checking on me,´ she put
on her scowly face as her brother cruised in.

³Having a good visit?´ he asked.

³It could be a lot worse,´ I said.

³I don¶t mind telling you things are looking very good,´ he seemed pleased with
himself. ³Almost ready Becky?´

³Almost,´ she said distantly.

I got to sit next to Tyler at supper. And afterward, when it was time for him to go
Atwood and Andreas gave me a good fifteen minutes for farewells out by his car- if
we hadn¶t already had sex four times it would have broken us to be allowed to kiss
that long, but I managed to tear myself away and let him go, and he promised to
return as soon as he was allowed.

I slept well that night, if alone.

The visit, far from making me feel better about things, just made me miss him more.
Talking on the phone with him was nice, but anything face to face would have been
better. He was in Washington by Monday morning and I was trying to work on Joan
of Arc.

Assuming Andreas was with Atwood in D.C. I was surprised when he came in to give
me my shot.

³What are you doing here?´ I asked. I had on a long skirt and sweater with my hair
pinned up-very Revivalist- and I¶d been expecting Jack to do the needle work.

³After last week Tyler preferred I keep close to monitor your condition. He
hypothesizes that the stress of being here is upsetting your levels.´

³Whatever,´ I sighed. ³I wish it was over.´

I can only think what Jack and Becky are thinking- brother dear is home to watch over
us all, I thought bitterly, though he shot me up and tweaked the dose and kept good
notes. He ran a couple tests, using my computer to transfer the files to Tyler and his
own unit. I was sitting on the bed feeling nothing«.

Now, I¶m not giving credence to Atwood¶s ridiculous claims that Tyler was drugging
me. He wasn¶t. But a shot from anyone else just wasn¶t the same. Instead of mild
euphoria I felt extremely calm.

³Better?´ he asked.

³Okay,´ I said.

³I¶ll just run these through and see what¶s going on. I¶m glad your visit went well
yesterday. Oh, look here,´ he said, holding a slide up. ³This is up. I¶ll need to balance
it out«´ he opened his kit and fiddled with some serums. I held my arm out, bored.
The shot was not bad, I thought, instantly feeling better. I wish I could do justice to
the way the bad vibes just disappeared, and you felt like maybe getting up to take a
walk or do the dishes..

³Now that is better, isn¶t it?´ he was smiling. ³Tyler knows you like the back of his
hand,´ he observed. ³He said the n¶s might be up and he was right on the money,´

Proud of my man¶s talent, I went with him down to breakfast. If I was a little
concerned about how Jack and Rebecca would behave around Richard Andreas, I
had no cause. They were careful, and Mrs. Gumm didn¶t seem to note anything odd
about the way they tried to ignore each other when the doctor was present.

After breakfast was done and the kitchen restored to cleanliness I thought about the
long stretch of time that I¶d have to make it through without Tyler, in this deadly
boring place. There was TV, of course, with all the porn channels locked out, and
computer, naturally; but I was sick of writing and living in my head. Tyler four times
in Rebecca¶s room had been a tease. A powerfully moving tease.

And where the hell is Jack? I would learn that Mrs. Gumm left for town for shopping
and a visit with her sister every day after breakfast. That gave the two lovebirds about
four hours- Mrs. Gumm got back after 1:00. I was tiptoeing around in the kitchen
finding a pop (and listening to that sound Jack made«;) when I wondered where Dr.
Andreas was keeping himself. All he had to do was walk in the kitchen«he¶d know
those sounds were not Christian, even if he was as much as a virgin as Atwood.

Anyway, I felt even more alone listening to them, but I couldn¶t help but stand
lookout in case anyone should wander by. I sort of paced around, feeling a little more
relieved when they became silent. I was picturing them naked together²she would
undoubtedly have creamy, white skin, that would be like milk compared to Jack¶s
dark tan. He was probably holing his dark arm to compare with her pale breast now«

Oh, God I miss Tyler! This ache is terrible, this need is devastating. All I want is to
throw him into bed and-

³Have you seen Rebecca?´ Andreas startled me- I was just standing at the window
staring out. I turned, casually.

³I saw her a few minutes ago.´

³I haven¶t laid eyes on her since breakfast- she¶s usually at her household accounts
now. I was going to have her send off my bills,´ he showed me just how much he
relied on his elder sister. She probably balanced his checkbook. I know she does his
laundry.

³Why don¶t we go for a walk?´ he said suddenly. ³I know you haven¶t been out of
this house for over a week. Get a sweater and let me show you around. Would you
like me to get Jack?´ He invited.

³No- he probably jogged this morning, he might not want to get out,´ I said. ³I¶ll just
borrow a sweater from Becky,´ I said, trotting off to her room where I tapped and
identified myself.

³What is it?´ She was in a robe, her hair black and luscious, tumbling all around her
when she peeped out.

³I¶m going walking with Dr, Andreas,´ I said. ³If you see Jack tell him that¶s where
I¶m at. I bet we can be gone at least an hour,´ I hinted.

³Thank you, Joanie,´ she whispered. My heart melted with sudden sympathy.

³Can I borrow a sweater?´ I remembered just before she shut the door. She handed me
a heavy black one and I met Dr. Andreas at the door.

³She¶s doing some project,´ I explained, walking out the door he held for me.

I had taken several steps down the walkway when I stopped, turned to him and said,
hollowly,

³I don¶t even know where I am. Where is this?´

³This is the Revivalist Center in Grantville, Missouri,´ he said.

³Ohh«I¶ve seen that on the show«´ I looked around me appreciatively. ³I liked

Missouri when I was alive.´

³Did you?´ that explained the accents. I had a faint Tulsa accent, but it was nothing
like the southern MO drawl. ³I like it here, too. I went to school in Texas- Tyler was
an undergraduate and I was a freshman²he was much older, and so sophisticated. We
all loved his parties- and watching his adventures«´

I didn¶t know what to say. I lifted my face to the mild October sunshine and sighed, ³I
miss him.´

³He¶s changed.´

³Really?´

³Apparently,´ he said. ³He was- he was a genius, even then, brilliant, funny- there
wasn¶t a snobbish bone in his body- he acknowledged my existence, once even tried
to steer me away from the booze, drugs and girls«.´

³Tried?´ I gave him a raised brow.

He shrugged. We were walking along a manicured yard- the whole Center was fenced
with white privacy wood, and I could see the big gate and the Auditorium from here- I
recognized it vaguely from an air shot at the beginning of their show.

³I was not worldly,´ He said, and I¶d forgotten what we were talking about, the pause
had been so long. ³I¶m afraid I really let myself go- I had my head thoroughly turned
in college- I didn¶t settle down until my junior year. Ty was long gone by then,
making his mark in science. Even in college he had a huge poster of you in his dorm
room. Introduced us all to whips,´ he smiled reminiscently. Ah, good times, good
times.

³He liked it even then?´ I asked hesitantly.

³Oh, he was a master whoremonger- in fact, he paid for the woman who took my
virginity- arranged it all. Sent me and two other frightened virgins off with some
prostitutes telling them to teach us everything we should know or he¶d stripe them. I
think he striped them anyway, after«.´ He seemed to realize what he was talking
about and with whom. He said,

³But the important thing is he has changed.´

³You knew him well?´ I asked.

³I worshiped him, as did every other underclassman. I was honored when he took us
fellow biologists under his wing. Then in my sophomore year I began to realize what I
was doing. By my junior year I rededicated my life to the cause.´ He sighed. ³I hadn¶t
though much of Tyler and those girls in years.´

³He doesn¶t do any of that stuff to me,´ I said, though thinking about him, I was
starting to miss him even more. ³When can I see him again?´

³Very possibly this weekend,´ he said.

Oh, God I hope so. Sunday, when Atwood and Andreas are gone. I would have him to
myself, his beautifully furred body, his broad shoulders«he had put on a couple
pounds, it was true, but it just made him feel more solid. Heavier, with those thick
thighs, his curving, heavenly back.

I realized I was standing stock still and Andreas was waiting out whatever fugue had
claimed me .

³Uhm«this is pretty,´ I was looking at a pond, with a duck and some benches around
it. I felt odd about having a witness to my every emotion- unless it was Jack, who
was better at not looking like he was paying so much attention.

³Rebecca feeds the ducks every day,´ he observed. ³How are you feeling?´

I sat down on a bench, gathering the sweater close. ³I miss Tyler. I just ache without
him.´

³No doubt you missed having sex very much,´ he said, handing me a tissue. I didn¶t
answer. I sniffed at the tears that would come, damn them, and said, at last,

³I was married to Ben my whole life. I only know how to love someone one way- I
was never away from Ben for more than a couple weeks. I hate being separated from
Tyler.´
³I was impressed with him- he never treated women the way he treats you,´ he said.
When I got up to continue our walk he followed me. I breathed in the fresh country air
and had to admire the Auditorium, as we approached it.

³It¶s lovely,´ I said. It was a cathedral, really. There was a spire, but no cross. There
was no organ in the church, I realized as we walked in, and the acoustics were so good
I could hear the clump of our shoes echoing.

³No music?´ I asked.

³No- the only instrument that brings God joy is the human voice.´

I sighed, taking a seat in a pew. I thought about the last time I¶d been in church- in
Tulsa, with the Winter family. Before that it had been the same thing- in Tulsa, with
Ben and his clan. I had on a new dress«.it was the week after Labor Day, maybe.
Ben¶s older brother Ron was checking me out; he thought I was hot«his wife, the
dumpy gourmet cook Lola hated my guts. Not because I ever encouraged Ron, but
because it didn¶t affect me one way or the other. Ben¶s mom told me more than once
she was just jealous. I don¶t know why. I doubt Ron ever messed around on her.

Maybe I had expected too much from Ben, I thought sadly. He¶d been ideal in every
other way- he just couldn¶t limit himself to one woman. Hell, it had been difficult for
me to keep the men away, too. But I did it.

I could be praying, I thought. Dr. Andreas had gone to the office to do something and
I leaned my forehead on my clasped hands, praying fervently for wisdom and
strength, for Tyler to always love me, and to reunite with him soon. I was going to
marry him immediately, I promised. Then everything would be alright. I would be
safe again.

I looked up to find Dr. Andreas waiting for my spiritual communion to end. I got up,
feeling no better, and we went back through the Auditorium. I checked my watch and
saw we had twenty minutes to go, but Andreas was walking with a purpose. I tried to
slow him down without making a big deal out of it, but he was in a hurry, so I finally,
conscious of the acoustics in the kitchen, too, I said,

³You¶re walking pretty fast.´

³I told Roland I¶d be waiting for his call.´

³Oh. Is he on the stand this morning?´

³Yes. He¶s giving an update on your condition. Everything looks fine so far- you¶re
not displaying any symptoms beyond lovesick,´ he smiled at me, as if sharing the
joke, and I smiled back, wishing I could kick him. Is that all it is? Love sickness?

That¶s bad enough, I guess. I was walking along, wondering how to slow him down
for a few more minutes- I stopped to tie my shoe once. Then I dawdled looking at
some cows. He didn¶t want to just leave me, so he waited me out. He was very
patient, despite wanting to get to the study. I was relieved when we went in and found
Jack at the computer- looking just like Jack, and Becky no where in sight.

I was even more relieved when the phone rang and it was Andreas¶ call. So far so
good. I leaned over Jack¶s broad back while the doctor was on the phone and
whispered,

³I hope I kept him long enough.´

³You were talking loud enough for us to hear you coming,´ he smiled, patting my
arm. ³Nice work,´

³I can¶t tell you how incredibly envious I am,´ I pulled up a chair. ³She¶s pretty.´

³She¶s beautiful,´ he corrected, looking at the screen and not me. ³I¶m in love with
her.´

³Really?´ I was scooting my chair closer. ³Well she¶s adorable, of course-³

³She is. She¶s good and sweet and«´ he glanced up. Andreas was off the phone and
looking at us.

³How¶s Washington?´ I asked.

³Fine. Tyler sends his regards.´ He gathered up some papers. ³I have a few things to
do.´ And he was gone.

³He¶s suspicious,´ Jack said.

³I know. I¶m trying to help.´

³She wont leave here,´ he said, as if he¶d asked her about it.

³Maybe she will.´

³I asked her to marry me.´

³Really?´ I was even more wide eyed. ³She said yes?´

³She said no. She can¶t leave her family. Richard and Roland are all she has.´

I shook my head. ³She¶s not happy that way. She needs her own thing, not hanging
onto the edge of theirs. I¶ll talk to her.´

³She wont listen.´

I found her in the sewing room working on new curtains for the kitchen. She was
exotically lovely, her healthy color, her hair pinned up, her hands moving quickly.
She barely looked up, but she was smiling when she did it.
³Hi, Joan,´ she said, taking a hem a mile long.

³Have you ever thought about going out on your own?´ I asked.

³I¶ve been out on my own. It was terrible.´ She said.

³Well of course you were a little kid. But you¶re a grown up now and you could
control your life, enjoy yourself«´ I paused, as this was getting nowhere. ³Jack¶s in
love with you.´

Her full lower lip trembled as she repositioned the fabric and began to sew. ³So he
says. Jack is wonderful. But he¶s worldly, Joan- you¶re worldly, so you don¶t
understand. I can¶t live like that.´

³Why not?´

³I¶ve devoted my life to serving God, and my brother and Roland. I served his father
until he died, you know. I promised the Reverend I would always take care of his son.
And my mother I¶d take care of hers´

For the first time I found myself up against absolute conviction. This was a woman
who had endured bad times. She knew when things were good, had her faith, and
trusted in God.

³So why did you sleep with Jack? That couldn¶t have been right in the first place.´ I
asked sharply.

She bowed her head. ³I loved him from the moment I set eyes on him--I know there
can¶t be anything between us- we have our different lives. But Joan²I had to try it.
I¶m getting old; I¶ll be 41 in a few months. I didn¶t want to die a virgin,´ she
whispered, tears filling her eyes.

³I¶ll need a housekeeper,´ I said. ³When I leave here Tyler and I are getting married
and setting up a household. I¶d love it if you came there- I¶d give you anything you
wanted.´ I said impetuously.

³I figured I¶d always be here,´ she said resignedly.

³Well- Jack works for me. You could be together²you ought to marry him, Rebecca.
I don¶t think he asks very often.´

She put her curtains away and got up, turning the machine off. ³I appreciate you,
Joan. It¶s a lot to think about, though. I don¶t know if you understand why I
can¶t«but thank you,´ she gave me a quick hug with one arm and then left hurriedly.

Yeah that was a wash, I thought, going up to my room. I worked on Joan of Arc, ate
dinner with the group and went to bed feeling empty, needy, hungry. And of course
there¶s a camera in my room so I can¶t even lie here and relive the memories so vivid
in my brain.
Dr. Andreas gave me my shot at breakfast and I spent the day surviving. I called Tyler
and grimaced when he told me Christian was delighted with how things were going
and was convinced that I¶d never been under the influence of any drugs and was
looking forward to seeing me when I got out of there.

It¶s not like I can blame him- I¶m just a pawn in his big game. He¶s over the whole
Rescue program, I¶m just one of his subjects- there¶ll be plenty more. I can imagine
them combing historical documents to find some poor bastard dying in a shipwreck or
eaten by crocodiles or lost in the swamp or whatever non-body leaving thing had
happened when they suicided. Why limit themselves to suicides? Why don¶t they
just go out and rescue people- plane crash people, or all those storm victims or the
World Trade Center or OKC? Why can¶t they do some good with this gift of time
travel?

I¶m here. I shouldn¶t bitch. Even though I¶m miserable. I spent Tuesday wishing it
was Friday or Saturday. I was developing a hatred for the void in my soul that cried
out for Tyler¶s hard, fierce body, for his soft pink lips, for his crisp black hair under
my fingers. I¶d never felt so starved.

To make matters worse, Tyler had to come up on Saturday, since Sunday he had some
plans with Dr. Bernhardt. Saturday we were chaperoned by Atwood and Andreas, as
well as Jack and Rebecca. Damn it nobody got any that day.

I had gone through 16 days of µde-tox¶, I thought as I used my 15 minutes alone with
Tyler before he left to do no more than drive us both crazy. I leaned him back against
his car and pressed myself hard against him, moaning helplessly as he tightened his
grip and murmured,

³We¶re over halfway there, Joanie.´ But he was moving against me anyway,
shamelessly groping my breasts. I had again not worn underwear and this time it
wasn¶t helping. He got into his car and I stood there hugging myself in the rainy
evening, dying of lust.

I went right to bed after taking an hour long shower. The next morning Rebecca came
to invite me to church, saying that Richard would be up to give me my shot. I didn¶t
know if I wanted to go or not, I said crabbily, wondering why on earth I felt so bad.
But I felt irritable, scratchy, empty«.I refuse to believe just needing to get laid can
make you feel like this.

Andreas came with my shot. I was dressed for church in unrelieved black, in no mood
for anything, and when he hit me with the air needle the improvement was barely
noticeable.

³Better?´ he asked helpfully.

³Yeah,´ I grunted. I didn¶t want to complain that he didn¶t make me feel nearly as
good as Tyler. I feared making them think he had me drugged up. But if I was
addicted to him it certainly wasn¶t because of the shots.

I went to church²oh, boy, did I have a surprise coming. For one thing, it was
filmed, for another, I¶d forgotten in my isolation that I was something of a celebrity.
And the erstwhile persecutors of Joan Winter became her biggest fan as I stood up to
be greeted by the whole congregation. And there were hundreds of them.

Since there were no instruments but the human voice, Atwood had surrounded himself
with the best of them; the choir was angelic, and I couldn¶t find much to complain
about regarding the service. I was a regular church goer in my day and found his
message of hope, faith and chastity familiar enough. Though during a long prayer I
found myself fantasizing about Tyler.

I can¶t help it- and I¶m miserable without hi m.

Sunday dinner was a family affair. I could barely eat, my stomach was in so many
frustrated knots, and I went to my room feeling droopy. I worked on Joan for awhile
and almost welcomed the interruption of Dr. Andreas.

³I¶m worried about you,´ he said frankly. ³You¶re in much worse condition than
when you came. Is there anything wrong?´

³I miss Tyler,´ I said childishly.

³I know, Joanie- it wont be long. Want me to give you something to help you
sleep?´ he asked concernedly..

³Please,´ and I held out my arm, craving oblivion.

I woke up early feeling better. I managed through the week by asking Andreas for a
shot every night, in addition to what I got during the day. I tried to work and keep
busy but didn¶t really feel terrific until Thursday when Andreas told me that Tyler was
coming with Roland Friday night and staying until Sunday. Surely, in all that time, it
would be possible to get laid at least once. Jack and Rebecca were even managing
with Andreas right there- I took him on a walk every day for at least an hour.

So excited I couldn¶t talk about it, I felt my cheeks glow and my eyes sparkle.
Thursday night I got my shot and went to bed like a good girl, and Friday I spent the
entire day primping. I had a new dress for the occasion and felt hyped up and anxious.
Andreas gave me a shot at breakfast and left me alone to wait, transform myself and
wonder if it was just sex. No it is not; it¶s trust and familiarity and comfort- well, and
yes, the idea of straddling him naked on this chair was attractive enough«I never felt
so much need. I guess I got used to Tyler¶s rampant sexuality. What am I thinking?
Ben had been the same way. Luckily Tyler seemed to prefer me to his usual lineup of
sluts.

He was supposed to be here at four- they were getting out early- and I was actively
waiting for his arrival standing in the foyer when Jack approached; he looked great- a
full sex life and no booze had improved his already drop-dead gorgeousness. His hair
had grown from the brush cut to a heedful of burnished gilt curls«as he sauntered up
to me I felt a pang that he reminded me of Ben sometimes- the hair, it must be.
Though now when I pictured Ben it wasn¶t clear, like I¶d seen him yesterday. I saw
the Gramps and BB and Dad Winter all smooshed up. Jack fit in.

³Hi, Joanie- got some good news for you.´ He looked smug.

³What? Is he here?´

³No- not yet. But Rich asked me to take the camera out of your room.´

I inhaled sharply. ³For the weekend?´

³For good. Starting tonight. He said it was a basic respect for your privacy, you didn¶t
need it here.´ He was grinning. ³I know a little girl who¶s going to get some,´ he
predicted.

³Yee ha!´ I squealed, giddy with joy.

³And what¶s more interesting, I know that Roland and Richard are filming the
service in California as guests of another evangelist, and they¶re leaving tomorrow.´

I hugged him, weak with gratitude. It was my only physical contact with another
person since last I had held Tyler, and I feared what flooded through me- delicious
shivers, the realization that my body was famished. I stepped back, hoping it wasn¶t
obvious, and said, as if explaining it to myself,

³I¶m so happy. I¶m dying for him.´

³Hang on then, Joanie,´ he patted my head.

I saw his car rolling up the drive and was on the porch waiting for him. I was shaking,
walking down the steps to open his door, and he leapt out like it was on fire, grabbing
me with all the enthusiasm I could wish. I was toying with the idea of shoving him
back into the car, and jumping in on him, but why blow it when tonight he can sneak
into my room and stay til dawn?

³I¶ve missed you,´ I said simply.

³I have a surprise for you,´ he was smiling.

³And I¶ve got one for you. What¶s yours?´ I asked archly, taking his arm.

³Next weekend I will be showing you the marvels of the hiking trails, hot tubs and
lengthening autumn nights in Colorado.´

I hugged him, gleeful. ³Then it¶s almost over?´

³Yeah. Of course Monday you¶ll have to be in Washington, but we can port over in no
time. What¶s your surprise- and don¶t tell me that you¶re not wearing any panties
because I can¶t take that at the moment,´ he paused on the front steps to hug me and
feel for himself if there were any undies beneath the long black skirt. There were not.

³There aren¶t any cameras in my room. Dr. Andreas had them removed,´ I whispered,
toying with the button of his shirt, wishing I could tear it open.

³Hallelujah!´ he kissed me again. ³Now at least I have something to look forward to.´

Atwood, Andreas, Jack and Rebecca were in the study where to celebrate Atwood had
Mrs. Gumm brew up some herb tea. He was glad to see Tyler, though they had seen
each other all week, and the talk turned to me- Tyler decided to run some tests and
within moments I went from cherished fiancée to medical experiment. I took the sofa,
lying down as he swooshed over me with a meter and then sampled me. Jack, Rebecca
and Atwood were talking amongst each other as if it was no big thang, and I listened
as Tyler and Dr. Andreas discussed my condition.

³Has she been like this all week?´ Tyler asked.

³I¶ve been fighting that level every day,´ Andreas nodded. ³I told you how much of
the n¶s I¶ve dealt with.´

³That¶s a high level for her- not out of the ballpark but«´ Tyler¶s sapphire blue eyes
met mine. ³I bet you › Y missed me, feeling like this. Have you been unhappy?´

³Every moment,´ I sighed dramatically. ³I¶ve missed you horribly.´

³I¶m just selfish enough to like that,´ he confided to Andreas. ³When the n¶s get up I
just take it down a notch here,´ he pointed at the laptop which displayed a
configuration. ³I only worry when they drop. Sleeping better?´ he asked me.

³He knocks me out, thank God,´ I said.

³Mm. Well, it¶s only until next Friday. Keep her stable and then we¶ll see how she
does when things are normal.´ Tyler picked up my hand to take my pulse, which
quickened at his touch. ³I think I¶ll leave it as it stands; good work Rich,´

Andreas accepted it well. His college mentor congratulating him? Who wouldn¶t be
blushing with pride?

I was tense the whole evening, though it was homey enough. Tyler and Jack were glad
to see each other and I was busy helping Rebecca and Mrs. Gumm. But no one
seemed to care how much I relied on Tyler slipping into my room at the stroke of ten.
It was 10:15 and no one showed signs of leaving the study- they were watching a
nature documentary and though it was really fascinating and all, I was ready for bed.

By 10:30 I was yawning openly. By 11:00 I¶d given up and sat woodenly in a wing
back chair, staring at Tyler, who was talking to Atwood about the show. Selfish
bastards! Had they no compassion?

³I¶m going to bed,´ I announced when the news came on.

³Would you like a shot?´ Asked Andreas.

³No, thanks, I think I can sleep tonight,´ I batted my lashes and went up, hurriedly
scurrying into a new nightie- a shortie that was the same blue as Tyler¶s eyes. I
admired the fit, sighed that my tan was faded to nothing, leaving me with light gold
skin dusted with cinnamon freckles. I realized, as I paced in a pair of matching high
heeled mules, that he couldn¶t come up until everyone else went to bed. And no one
showed signs of abandoning the TV or each other.

I wonder how Jack and Rebecca make it through those boring evenings, waiting for
Atwood to go to his house and for Andreas to go to bed so they can trip off to her
room?

It was nearly midnight when I gave up, climbing into bed and throwing the shoes
across the room. I pulled the covers up and thought, I would have taken Andreas up
on that shot if I knew I was actually going to be sleeping!

Tyler woke me up at nearly one in the morning, saying very little as he slipped into
bed next to my slumbering form. He had no sooner kissed the back of my neck than I
was wide-eyed and instantly engulfed in burning passion. His mouth was hot and
demanding as my legs wrapped around his waist.

We managed to be quiet- Jack was next door, though, and he probably wasn¶t in his
room.

³Hi,´ he whispered, having lost the nightie long moments before.

³God I have missed you so much!´ I sighed.

³I¶ll bet. Rich¶s had you on slow burn all week!´

³Hm?´ I didn¶t really care, as I had my cheek buried in his chest hair.

³He let your hormone level creep up a bit. I¶ll bet you can¶t stand in a cool breeze,´ he
was already moving back on top of me.

³I¶ve been aching for you,´ I said softly.

³I¶ll show him how to fix that,´ he promised.

I had not been this happy in days- endless, numberless, incalculably long days.
Atwood and Andreas went off to California and Mrs. Gumm had to visit a friend in
the hospital, so there was no activity in the house at all- unless you counted Rebecca¶s
and my bedroom.
³I¶ve gained nearly twenty pounds,´ Tyler pinched the love handles around his
middle, sprawled on the bed. ³I¶m eating like a horse, drinking like a fish and going to
hell without you.´

³That¶s not much on someone your size. It looks good on you,´ I said honestly. A big
hairy man can carry off a few extra pounds- and it made his enormous penis look a
little more in proportion. I bet if he knew gaining weight made his genitals look
smaller he¶d stop drinking immediately.

³Come here, I can¶t stand it when you look at me like that,´ He growled, grabbing me
around the waist.

I loved him- even liked the extra 17 pounds crushing me- I¶d lost weight, here in jail,
and he jokingly admitted he found it.

³I¶m so sick of doing without you,´ I bitched far into the night- we were up eating;
Mrs. Gumm was back and we needed to be quiet.

³I was afraid you¶d learn how to do without me,´ he said, drinking milk and eating
cake.

³Nope.´

³I knew I wasn¶t giving you anything other than a basic chemical component and
some vitamins, but if this keeps people from thinking I¶m an evil pervert then so be
it.´

³You¶re not an evil pervert,´ I said soothingly.

³You haven¶t been watching the news have you?´ he observed.

³Never,´ I admitted. ³I make an effort to avoid the tabloids and magazines, too. I sit
at my computer checking my accounts and emailing O¶Lafferty once in a while to
thank him for the royalty checks and tell him I¶m still hiding.´

³Yeah, Christian¶s talked to him.´

³I noticed Christian hasn¶t called me since he sold me out,´ I said sarcastically.

³He feels bad- he¶ll make it up to you.´

³Mm.´ I said, pursing my lips. ³We¶ll see. He¶d better not do something like this
without checking with me again,´

³You¶ll be married to me- safe,´ he said, and before I knew it we were back in my
room celebrating. I adored him so much, and wanted to stay there forever.

At any rate we made good use of our time, discussed what we would do in a week and
were behaving ourselves when Atwood and Andreas returned from their gig- right
before Tyler was to leave. It gave the two doctors a chance to exchange notes and
ideas and then he had to go- back to Texas so he could prepare to deal with the
sub-committee- I dreaded having to face them myself; I hated the world knowing my
business. Then I thought, what the hell- who am I trying to impress? It¶s not like my
parents are alive anymore. Do I really give a damn what the people here think? I
don¶t.

³We could have been kissing but you¶ve spent the last thirty seconds just staring into
space,´ he pointed out.

³I just want out of here,´ I said.

³I know. I¶ll be here Saturday- early. We¶ll head to Telluride.´ He promised.

The idea of there being an end to this heartened me to no end. Sunday evening I
thought about getting married and still felt no qualms. I loved him, I needed him- he
needed me...it was perfect.

I worried about Jack and Rebecca, though- even as they were huddled at the computer
talking. Atwood had gone home to his own place and Andreas was up somewhere, so
that all I could do was sit in front of the TV turning channels every time a news
update came on.

I went up to bed because I was tired of being awake. I was sitting at the computer
feeling pitiful when Andreas showed up with my shot- usually I just crawled into bed
and he hit me, so I doffed my long silk robe just as I scooted under the covers so I
didn¶t do more than flash him with the simple black silk sheath under it. I pulled my
pillow more squarely under my head and held out my arm. He delivered the shot and
said,

³Good?´

³Yes,´ I said, instantly feeling my eyelids become heavy.

I knew no more. When I opened my eyes I saw sunshine flooding in through the
window. I lay a moment looking at the dust motes floating and then stretched; my
back hurt a little-I rubbed my spine, thinking, well I had enjoyed Tyler Morgan
Friday, Saturday and part of Sunday. I winced- my inner thighs were absolutely
sore! When I went to take my morning leak I couldn¶t believe how sensitive I was-
but then, Tyler was carrying a practically lethal weapon, wasn¶t he?

I dismissed all that from my mind relatively early. I met Jack, Rebecca and Mrs.
Gumm for a hearty country breakfast and wondered where my shot and Andreas were.
Mrs. Gumm went off to do her Monday shopping and I accepted the fact that Jack and
Rebecca were going to be out of pocket for a while. Andreas didn¶t show up until
nearly ten o¶clock, and even then he looked like hell- he just came down to the study
and shot me, then went back to his room again.

This place just keeps getting worse and worse. I napped, then went online, then
scuffed around. That evening Andreas was down with us for supper, but he
immediately returned to his room after that, as antisocial as anyone I¶d ever seen. I
shrugged and helped clear up the kitchen with Rebecca- and I looked at her as we
were finishing up to say,

³I¶ll need someone like you for help around a big house. After this week«´

She smiled- her eyes were downcast. ³It¶s good to know. I¶m glad to have options, if I
ever have need of them.´

³What about Jack?´ I asked.

³I¶ll miss him!´ she burst out, and I knew what she was going to be dealing with. I
sighed and said,

³He¶s crazy about you. I wish you¶d come with us.´

³I can¶t leave Richard. Or Roland. Or Mrs. Gumm.´

I didn¶t want to argue with her. I watched the pair of them carefully all evening. I was
kind of glad Andreas wasn¶t there because they were really sucking at trying to look
casual. Jack could barely keep his hands off her. I closed my eyes and thought about
Tyler and prayed something would work out right. When he called I spent an hour
talking and talking and missing him.

Andreas met me on the stairs as I was going to bed.

³Oh, a shot!´ I said gratefully. ³Let me get changed.´ I went to my little bathroom and
put on the black ensemble, ready for unconsciousness. I turned the bed down and
hopped in- doing that trick of shielding myself with the blanket so he didn¶t get an
eyeful of my nightie. It also helps if you¶re not looking to gage their reaction. A
girlfriend of mine once told me that¶s how a guy can tell if a girl is interested or open
for suggestion: they pay attention. A girl uninterested just ignores him. I held out my
arm and he sat down for the moment it took to give the shot- not meeting my eyes,
very brisk and businesslike.

³You alright?´ I asked, though I felt sleepy already.

³I¶m fine,´ he sat there looking at me. It was the first time he made eye contact with
me all day, I realized.

³Haven¶t seen you much,´ I yawned.

³I know. I¶ve been busy,´ his eyes were very like Rebecca¶s- nearly black, long
lashed, crowned with very thick, somber brows. They shared the same longish,
handsome nose and full lips, though his chin was squarer and stronger. I felt pity for
the two orphans and a bit of guilt for plotting to take his sister away from him.

³Relaxing?´ he asked, standing up.

³Yes, thank you. Maybe we can go walking tomorrow.´ I said with another yawn.
I was out then, floating in the dark.

The next day I slept late, had trouble waking up when I did rouse I was feeling
remarkably similar to how I had Monday morning. My lower back was aching, and
when I showered I realized my nipples were very tender. And come to think on it my
insides felt abused, very much as if I¶d suffered a deadly assault from Tyler Morgan at
his most denied. Everything seemed raw and sore«.

Maybe I am pregnant? Maybe this is the first symptom before you started missing
periods and swelling up. I was thoughtful about it- then, these units are always up to
something. But how odd, I¶m starting to feel strange just when Tyler¶s had his plugs
removed. The idea of his baby growing in my body made me soupy and sentimental.
It made me think of all the things I¶d teach my young un and all the things we would
do together.

Maybe I am, I thought. But it¶s too early to tell anyone about it.

Andreas went walking with me- it felt like October, nearly November, and I was
delighted to be out in the sun. It was a brisk, puffy fall day, and my black skirt blew
back in the breeze, making me feel like Wuthering Heights or something.

³Feel good?´ he asked, casting a glance at me. I nodded.

³Yes. Pretty good. My back is killing me- going home Saturday is going to make me
feel really good. I¶ll miss Rebecca.´

³She¶s gotten used to having another young person around, I think,´ he said
diplomatically. I didn¶t know whether I should take it to mean me or Jack. ³I worry
about her- if she¶s happy.´

³She¶s a strong woman with firm convictions,´ was all I could say, since I¶d been
working both sides. ³What is today?´ I wanted to know, feeling the playful breeze
threaten me with a chill.

³It¶s the second week in November,´ he said, and I stopped, thinking, I missed my
birthday, and Halloween«.Thanksgiving, which was still celebrated, was coming up.

He was looking at me, frowning. ³Everything okay, Joan?´

³I¶ve been here a long time,´ I declared, trying not to be angry at the waste of a new
life. I started walking again, patting his arm. ³I am just fine, though, Doc. Thanks for
working on me so hard. I know it¶s a thankless task.´ I couldn¶t help but admire his
skin as he flushed- he was practically beardless, at 31, with a blush like that. Though I
knew he was a veteran of Tyler¶s warped college career, I still thought of him as
someone virginal like Atwood- whose purity was most of his appeal. He walked the
walk, he talked the talk.

Anyway I went about the day in the true spirit of martyrdom- I was going to be
sprung, in a few days and things would be happy again. I had the Revivalists off my
back, the worst of it was over and I would be free to take my place in the organized
world. I decided I would have to watch the news whether I liked it or not in order to
do this, so Tuesday evening I tuned in and caught up.

Nothing¶s changed. Not in a hundred years. Sure the picture and sound is better- in
some applications you can virtually join in the fun, you could go to Africa in the same
amount of time it took to go to Alabama and there were millions of things to do for
entertainment.

That was just my reactions to the commercials. When I saw Tyler on the stand in a
devastating navy suit (new because he¶d bulked up) I gasped, yearned for him, ached
through out my sensitive soul for him. Then of course they did the background on
him- they had evidently gotten a video of him in college at some kind of party because
they showed a youthful, wiry, lanky Tyler at maybe 24 with a naked women chained
and crawling behind him as he drank with his friends. I blanched, wide eyed-
unutterably relieved when they changed to discussing me- the reason for all the
hoopla. I was said to be in seclusion on government orders and in contact with Tyler
everyday, whose only comment had been ³No comment´ the whole time. He even
looked sexy saying that, his blue eyes averted behind their little glasses.

Anyway, things were heating up in the middle east. The lottery was big in California.
There were drug busts all over. Vice was rampant²and here I began to doubt the
new morals, as it was perfectly permissible for a girl to support herself working in a
µclub¶ but if that same girl stood on a street corner and picked up the same man who
wanted to pay for her company it was wrong. But, as it was pointed out, at the clubs
girls were required to be disease free. On the street you might catch something.
Herpes was still around, though treatable. The normal bacterial things still existed, but
were easy to cure and prevent.

At that the idea of getting laid by a stranger just seemed dangerous.

I made it through the news- even a spot of Christian Bernhardt describing why I had
been sent for observation- it was the only thing to do in this situation where so many
issues were being clouded. I raised my brow at his gray-white hair pulled back in a
ponytail, his soulful dark eyes, and forgave him. He¶d done the right thing- now that
it was almost over.

Jack and Rebecca were about the same kind of company Jon and Mary were. They
were either talking quietly or acting casual when Andreas was around. Tonight
Andreas was missing, so they could act like lovers all they wanted. I didn¶t plan on
stopping them. But at 10:00 I went to bed, thinking, as I headed to my room, that I¶d
better not bother Andreas. Maybe I could make it through a night without drugs«

I was ready for bed when he tapped with my shot, thank God I didn¶t want to have to
do without it that night. I hopped into bed, pulled the cover up and gave him my arm.

³Are you sick?´ I asked when he¶d shot me- I put my hand on his forehead to feel for
a fever because his cheeks were so red, his eyes circled, his whole appearance altered
and not for the better.
³No-³ he pulled away from my palm, pocketing his needle and snapping to his feet.
³Maybe just a touch of flu or something,´ he said vaguely. ³Feel good?´

³Yes,´ I rolled onto my side. ³Sleepy.´

³Good,´ he sounded like he might be smiling but I was already too close to the drop
off of out of it to care.

³Joan?´

I heard the voice, knew it was for me«.but dammit, you don¶t just wake up bright
eyed and bushy tailed with what Richard Andreas had been shooting me up with. I
was blinking in the light- shaking the grogginess from my head as I realized Jack was
trying to rouse me from the depths.

³What?´ I was beginning to feel awake, and alarmed. I sat up, holding my woozy
head. ³What?´ I asked again.

³Joan, something¶s happened,´ Rebecca was dressed, standing behind Jack, who sat
on the edge of the bed.

³It¶s not Tyler is it?´ I demanded, suddenly more and more awake.

³No- nothing like that.´ Jack assured me.

³Good. What time is it?´ I squinted at the clock.

³It¶s five o¶clock in the morning,´ said Rebecca.

³We need you up and around, in the study.´ Jack announced, making me start to
tremble. Whatever it was he had that distant look on his face. I rose at once, feeling
no embarrassment at being in my nightie in front of Jack. I told them I¶d meet them in
the study and got dressed when they left- though I felt logy, and foggy. I had a black
skirt and sweater on and was down, still pulling my hair into a clip.

³What is it?´ I asked, taking the cup of coffee Rebecca handed me with a nod.

³Something happened last night.´ Jack was at the computer. He patted the chair next
to him and I took it. ³But- it¶s been happening since Sunday night. The only reason I
didn¶t catch it is²³ he stopped. His lips compressed. ³Is because I wasn¶t in my room
and I wasn¶t even bothering to review the surveillance discs.´

³B-but I didn¶t think there¶d be any,´ I said, frowning. ³Isn¶t the camera gone? Dr.
Andreas had you take it out Friday, didn¶t he?´

³Yes- but I put one of my own wireless units in your room. I¶m responsible for you- I
set up a digital clock with a camera in it, and this is the footage I found there last
night---Well«this morning.´ Jack started the disc. It was me- Sunday night. I was
modestly slipping into bed while removing my robe, holding out my arm for the
doctor to shoot. ³I¶d noticed Rich was acting sort of odd. But who doesn¶t. And I
was far too interested in my own pursuits to do my job,´ he paused, sounding bitter,
and I patted his shoulder, looking at the monitor where I was instantly falling asleep.

Dr. Andreas stood there a long time, as if observing my status. Then he switched on
the little bedside lamp and turned off the overhead light, as if he was about to go.

³I didn¶t catch it for three nights- this morning I heard something- and saw what was
happening on the monitor of my computer. It wasn¶t until afterwards that I had a
chance to check the discs.´ Jack said tonelessly.

I knew it was going to be bad. But I didn¶t know how bad. I sat numbly as Andreas
was unbuttoning his shirt, unbuckling his trousers, nudging his shoes off his feet. He
had lovely skin, I thought reluctantly- olive, smooth- not a hair on him, except for
some in the pubic area, which I should never have seen but there it was-well endowed,
I saw with shame, though not like Tyler.

He turned the covers back off me, looking down at me with no expression on his
face. I was shaking my head at the monitor as he efficiently removed my nightie,
lifted my body by the hips to place a towel beneath me. I was so out of it it was scary-
and it was sick to watch him start touching me as he sat on the edge of the bed- he
explored my breasts with his hands and then his lips, leaning over me with the shaft if
his erection knocking against my hip- but he stopped to go make sure the door was
locked and listen for a moment to the rest of the house¶s winding down sounds.

Maybe he¶s done, I thought grimly- but he wasn¶t- I could plainly see as he came back
to the bed- Jack had used considerable artistry in placing the clock- it was tilted at an
angle that got a low, wide view- at the bottom of the screen I lay in profile, with
Andreas rapidly filling up the rest. He stretched out next to me, looking at my face.
He reached to open my eyelid, checking my pupils, and checked my pulse at my
carotid artery, seeming satisfied that I was alright. He stroked my cheek, his face still
blank and betraying no emotion, and I gasped when he lowered his head and began to
kiss me as if trying to coax a response from the still lips.

I don¶t know why I¶m so shocked; Tyler had done this, I thought, gripping myself
with both arms. But he had his clothes on, and he wasn¶t sliding on top of me with a
serious looking hard on from what I recalled of the disc I¶d watched. Andreas was; it
was a grand view of him bending my far leg up so he could position himself between
my thighs, and there was nothing left to the imagination as he fondled his engorged
penis with one hand and penetrated me, wiggling his hips for better traction, slowly
sinking into the slender form pinned under him. His dark head bowed and he choked
out, ³Oh, God!´ loud and clear. I realized there was sound.

³Oh, Jack!´ I said in dismay as the doctor shivered a minute, then began to kiss me
and move against me with growing ardor, the body beneath him giving way, boneless.
I covered my face with my hands, hearing his sounds of effort- and the breath gasping
out of me when he put so much pressure on my diaphragm. No- her, it¶s her, it¶s not
me! I didn¶t even know he was doing it.

³I thought he was celibate!´ I gasped. Or a virgin or something«.

³He learned all this at University,´ Rebecca said in a voice that quivered. ³He¶s been
celibate since he was 21- that¶s ten years! I don¶t know what he¶s thinking!´

³He¶s thinking, baby I¶m going to fuck you so hard it hurts,´ Jack supplied.

³Isn¶t he done yet?´ I asked, eyes covered, as I heard him moving faster, panting and
moaning louder- though still so quietly that if Jack had been in his room he wouldn¶t
have heard it.

³Almost.´

I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my ears so I barely heard him grunt something
incoherent, then sigh, ³Oh, God! Oh, my God!´

³He¶s done.´ Jack said, and I watched him ease off of her- there was a mess on him
trailing all over the towel and her; he was sweating, chest heaving as he buried his
face in her breasts, his arms around her, his limp, sticky penis on her leg, and
promptly went to sleep.

³He¶s out for about 32 minutes,´ Jack forwarded the disc, then stopped as Andreas
showed signs of life. He sat up, starting awake, glanced at the sleeping woman, his
dick glued to her leg and then his watch. The digital clock read 11:02. He peeled
himself off, wincing, then got to his knees to begin disposing of evidence. He took the
edge of the towel still under her to clean up his ejaculation, wincing again as he wiped
his own sensitive self with careful strokes. When it came to her he had to shift her
hips in front of him, spread the lips to access the mess he didn¶t want me to find in the
morning, which only served to turn him on. I could see his rising interest as he spent
an inordinate amount of time with the towel, dabbing slower and slower, then gave
up all pretence and had sex with her again, and it seemed to take him forever. The
woman beneath him was absolutely unresponsive, even as he shuddered and quaked
on top of her, showing quite good technique.

³Is he done?´ I asked.

³Well«´ Jack sighed.

He wasn¶t. He went to the bathroom for a wet cloth to clean her up, but again, just
handling the parts in question made him forget the ticking clock. This time he propped
her legs about a mile apart and got eye level with the abused genitalia. He forgot the
white cloth as his fingers parted the pink folds of skin and his tongue began to work. I
was repulsed, and he tired of it soon as there was no response from the woman
sprawled so indelicately. But it was no better because he got to his knees again and
lifted her hips so he could do it once more- though this time it only took about three
minutes. Good thing- he was pummeling her²his spine working like a machine until
his head went back and, groaning, he dropped her hips and slumped between her legs,
out of breath. He sank to her side, his arm circling her as he whispered, quite clearly,

³I¶m so sorry, Joan.´ He kissed her cheek, then her neck, then he found her mouth.
His hand came to cup her cheek as he kissed her-gently, then again, and then he was
pulling her chin down to open her mouth to suck her tongue. I thought, my God, is he
getting ready to do it again? He was the first one of us who knew that she stirred,
mumbled something.

He froze. His lips were still parted as he stopped, waited for her to say something else.
I wonder what kind of excuse he could have come up with if she was a little more
alert.

³Tyler?´ the voice was drowsy, almost drunk. Her eyes hadn¶t opened. He waited
silently, holding still, watching her face. ³Tyler?´ she said a little more clearly. Her
hand was pressed against his shoulder- though I doubt she would have noticed his lack
of chest hair at this point.

³Yeah?´ he whispered. Then he bit his lip anxiously.

³Mmmmm Tyler, I missed you....´ she sighed voluptuously, sounding happy. She slid
her arms around his neck and pulled him down. He held back for a minute. Was he
wondering if this was any more wrong than what he¶d just done? ³I love you so
much,´ she whispered, and he started kissing her- now that the half-delirious woman
was responding it was a little more embarrassing. He was kissing her breasts, biting
them, making her squeak- then he went down between her legs, and I had to cover my
eyes as the woman on the bed arched her back and cried out. She never did open her
eyes, not even as she begged him not to stop- then just said inane things like, ³Oh-
oh-yes!´ to encourage him. He paused a brief moment to straighten the towel before
he thrust into the woman again- and she was calling him Tyler and telling him she
loved him and missed him, taking a pounding that I would still feel the next day.
Yeah, with her responding, things got a lot more embarrassing. The fifth time he
mounted her he had whipped himself into a frenzy trying once more to wipe her down
with a second towel from the linen cupboard but unable to resist what must have been
swollen, hot and sensitive; she twisted and crossed her long tan legs and murmured,
³Hurts,´ in a tiny voice I never would have thought could come from me.

³I don¶t want to hurt you,´ he breathed, scattering kisses over her cheeks, sliding his
hand between her legs to part them, ³Just relax and it¶ll feel good,´ he whispered
against her forehead doing it anyway despite her mewing protest. When she whined
he just latched onto her mouth and worked harder, crushing her lips. I could see his
tongue as he practically ate her. Yikes!

³Jack do I have to watch this?´ I asked gloomily as I covered my eyes again.

³You do. It¶s just more of the same, but you have to.´

³How much more?´ I saw the woman¶s hands raking down his spine and pressing his
lower back with both palms, as he persuaded her to take the pain. I was squinting,
gnawing my lower lip.

³Seven times, all together,´ Rebecca stated. I¶d almost forgotten she was here.

³Seven?´ I clutched my heart.

³Seven Sunday night at approximately 10pm to Monday morning- 4:30 am,´ Jack
corrected. ³He had sex with you seven times and did a pretty good job getting rid of
the evidence. He did it again Monday night, Tuesday morning-³ he changed discs to
illustrate. ³He realized that the shot wears off in intensity, so he came prepared. I¶ll
forward some of this, Joanie, because he also realized after the first hour or so you
weren¶t completely unconscious- though your eyes never open and it¶s obvious you¶re
out of it, you¶re at least«working with him. He liked it better than catatonia,´

There he was, Monday night, putting me to bed like a big baby, waiting for the drugs
to take effect. Instead of beginning on me at once as he¶d done the night before he
left. Jack forwarded the footage of me sleeping in the dark room- though the picture
looked as if it was filmed in daytime. After exactly one hour and twelve minutes Dr.
Andreas came back, flipping on my bedside lamp the better to watch me with.

³I think he might have held back on your shot a little- but he gives you another one
later,´ Jack said. ³There he goes- he¶s Tyler right now- you asked him when he took
your night gown off.´

³Lively aren¶t I?´ I asked ruefully as her hands stroked his broad shoulders, his thick
hair which was sort of Tyler-like. She pulled him on top of her, kissing him fervently-
She let out a wail and wriggled against him, gasping, µOh you feel so good! Please
don¶t stop!¶

³Do we have to watch this?´ I grumbled.

³I¶ll forward it- okay there¶s one. He falls asleep again. µBout an hour this time. Now
he¶s wide awake, realizing he still has some time.´

³What is he²eew!´ I said, realizing he was straddling her shoulders so she could lick
him. And suck him. It seemed to make him perilously excited. The view was really
too good at this point even though he didn¶t do much with it. I grimaced and covered
my eyes until he returned to comparative normality, preferring bending her legs at the
knee and driving into the writhing body so hard she screamed- clearly, ³You¶re
hurting me!´ and if Jack had been there in his room he couldn¶t have helped but hear
that.

³Oh I¶m sorry!´ he told her, though he didn¶t even slow down, just kept kissing her
throat and shoulder. ³I don¶t want to hurt you!´ he said again as he began to stiffen
and jolt like he was having a seizure.

³If he¶s so sorry why doesn¶t he stop?´ I asked, not expecting an answer, gulping as
the pair onscreen cuddled up and slept angelically. He¶s younger than me, I thought
distractedly. We make an attractive pair- he¶s a little taller, compact, solid- he was
facing the camera, long lashed eyes shut, her head under his chin, his hand tucked
around her. Oh, Lord. His eyes blinked open and he smiled, stroking her hair, down
the curving waist.

³Again?´ I asked, covering my eyes.

³Yep,´ said Jack. ³How many was it, Becca?´ he asked.

³Umm..nine.´ she was looking at the screen.

³Where is he now?´ I asked, sitting up wide eyed as the couple became very active.

³He¶s in his room.´

³How did you catch him?´

³You¶ll see. I guess we can skip what he does next-and that«forward.... forward«I
bet his dick feels like he roughed it up with sandpaper. Look at that! I think he¶s
trying to get you on top of him, but you¶re too out of it«And he¶s done.´ Jack shook
his head. ³Nap time. I know he needs his rest. Sorry Becca. I¶ll forward this«.Ah,
here it is- you¶re waking up.´ and our attention turned to the monitor.

The onscreen Joan was naked, lying on her back with a man she didn¶t know very
well with his face in her shoulder and one hand on her breast. She lifted her head,
shaking it a little- making the man look up warily. When she spoke it was in her usual
voice- clear and scared.

³Dr. Andreas?´

³Joan,´ His voice was very calm. ³Feeling alright, then?´

³What- what time is it? What are j
doing here? Am I sick?´ the woman was
groggy, peering at the clock. Directly into the camera- the doctor had sprung up and
was reaching for a needle on the bedside table next to the clock and camera. Extreme
close up of his genitals, which indeed looked red and raw. Eeew.

³You had a dream, that¶s all,´ he shot her fast, edging behind her, so maybe she
wouldn¶t notice he was naked, watching her reaction with careful attention. ³Feel
good?´ he whispered, pushing his raging erection down with one hand so it didn¶t
attract her attention.

³Mmmmm«´ she nodded, relaxing, though she didn¶t look like she was unconscious.
She brushed a lock of hair from her cheek, wriggled a little, slowly blinking, then her
eyes closed.

³The fact that you opened your eyes and could identify him must have freaked him
out. I¶m not sure what he gave you but it doesn¶t seem like a sleeping drug« and then
he returns to..well, whatever. Forward, forward, there¶s the end- he manages to clean
you up, get you back into your nightie and take that towel away before five in the
morning.´ Jack fussed with the disc a moment, because pictures are better than words.
³This is last night- Tuesday, Wednesday morning. He shot you up and then shot you
with something else. So you¶re sort of asleep-disoriented- and yet extremely
cooperative«he didn¶t have to wait for an hour.´ He said.

Her eyes were open- sort of. He was kissing her voraciously, taking her familiarly
now, with no hesitation, accepting Tyler¶s welcome. He climaxed with her legs
wrapped around his waist, then fell asleep again. When he woke he propped himself
on his elbow looking down at her, stroking her hair, taking her hand and kissing the
back of it tenderly. Then he squeezed her hand around his erection, running her
fingers all along his testicles and the penis that, I am sure had to be painful from such
excessive use. He was so rough he made her cry aloud- very loud- when he tired of
teasing himself and pressed her down onto her back, plugging her mouth with his
tongue after the initial cry so she couldn¶t repeat it.
.
³I was next door for the first time in days, pissed off, and I heard that sound,´ Jack
said matter of factly. ³What I saw on the monitor--I went and got Becca. She
unlocked your door and we found ±³ and there it was on disc. The door opened and
the overhead light came on and Richard Andreas leapt up naked- guilty, his proud
weapon shrinking up to nothing as he fumbled for his clothes in abject humility
while I just yawned, rolled over, and went back to sleep, looking glad to be left alone.
Jack flicked off the disc and said,

³Here¶s what¶s going on. I called Dr. Bernhardt about one this morning. He had me
take a blood test to see what was in your system. You didn¶t wake up for that, either,´
he said wryly. ³Bernhardt¶s on his way. He agreed that we not tell Tyler yet, though
Rebecca called Roland and he knows what¶s up. So. The problem is, why didn¶t I
catch him Sunday or Monday. Because I abandoned my post to be in love myself- and
for what?´ he looked jaundiced at Rebecca. ³So, I feel like I should tender my
resignation even if you don¶t hand me my walking papers.´ his bold blue eyes met
mine and I scowled.

³Of course not! I need you more than ever now! How could you ever suspect that he
would-expect him to--oh, no, Jack, please don¶t go--´ I looked at Rebecca. ³And I
need you too- unless you don¶t like the idea.´

³I¶m taking you up on your offer, Joan,´ she said simply. ³I can¶t stay here. ³ she
looked at Jack. ³If that¶s a problem for you?´

They¶d had a fight, I thought. Over God knows what. I raised a brow, then
remembered what had been done to me. The fact that I had absolutely no memory of it
at all made the discs even more disgusting. With Tyler I had at least dreamed about
Ben. This«.Gross!

³I can work with you,´ Jack¶s voice was cool.

³Work with me?´ and Rebecca¶s large, liquid eyes filled with diamond tears. ³Is that
all?´

³Oh, Becca, no!´ and they were in each others¶ arms, making up, kissing, making me
say,
³Please don¶t put me through any more of this today. What are we going to tell
Tyler?´

³Well«that¶s all up to you. That¶s why I had to wake you up. Do you want to press
charges?´ Jack looked over the top of Rebecca¶s head at me.

³Charges«´ I said, thinking how official it sounded. Then I thought about the video
of Tyler making sincere, real love to me, and how awful that the world had witnessed
our private joy . Who¶s to say that the discs wont wind up on some public access site-
Joan Winter and some guy«

³I don¶t want this to get out,´ I said. ³I don¶t want j Y to know about this!´

³I don¶t know how we¶ll keep it quiet,´ Jack mused.

I was panicky- oh, if this got out, if Tyler found out- he¶d kill Richard Andreas, there
would be trouble- he would despise me. Oh, this wasn¶t fair at all!

³I want out of here today!´ I cried angrily. ³We can go to the island or whatever, but I
want away from that man!´

³I know, Joanie, I know,´ Jack squeezed my shoulders, but that just felt dirty and
sexual. I shuddered, shock setting in.

I¶d been raped of course, without a bruise to show for it, unless my nipples meant
anything. How disgusting! I wished I hadn¶t seen those discs- I¶d have no memory of
it at all if it hadn¶t been for the monitor¶s depressingly clear picture. Of course I
would have found it rather hard to believe.

I was shaking over a cup of coffee when Dr. Bernhardt arrived. All the resentment I
felt drained away as I met his concerned eyes.

³Joan- I¶m so sorry,´ he said, hugging me- fatherly, regretful, nothing sick about it.

³I want to go home, Christian!´ I sobbed.

³Yes, yes, we¶ll go home immediately- to Texas? CorpTemp?´

³Yes!´ I rubbed my burning eyes. ³I feel like shit, Doc!´

³Let me ease this for you,´ he said gently, reaching for his bag.

³Don¶t put me out!´ I cried in panicked alarm. ³Don¶t make me sleep, please!´

³No, no of course not,´ he said, and he shot me with something that left me a little
giddy but not miserable.

³I¶d like to see the discs and talk to Andreas,´ Christian said in a crisp voice once I
was meekly lounging on the couch.
³Let¶s go to my room,´ Jack said, sparing me the sight of either.

Rebecca stayed with me. I was watching her watch TV, and I said,

³What did you fight over?´

She smiled. ³I told him I had to stay here. He got mad- left in a fury«if we hadn¶t
fought me might not have noticed the monitor«´ She sighed. ³I¶m so sorry, Joan.
He¶s my brother and I love him, but I hate what he¶s done. It¶s a thousand times
more disgusting than anything Tyler Morgan ever did,´ she was almost correct. ³At
least he had the consent of his partners. Roland¶s more revolted than I¶ve ever known
him to be- he should be here any time. I don¶t know what he¶s going to tell Tyler.´

³Oh, God, we can¶t tell him!´ I exclaimed. ³He¶d freak out! He¶d kill Richard. He¶d
hate me.´

³You didn¶t do anything.´

³I didn¶t stop him.´

³You were drugged out of your mind. You couldn¶t stop him. You never offered him
any kind of encouragement, Joan. He just did this because he¶s a pathetic,
devil-possessed deviant.´

Oh, how true, I thought in relief. I tensed up when I heard them coming down the
stairs- they left Richard in his room.

³How is he?´ asked Rebecca.

³Well his back is really sore from screwing an unconscious woman a total of 18 times,
but he seems in pretty good spirits.´ Jack answered.

³He did it twice before you caught him last night?´ I demanded.

³I don¶t know what¶s gotten into him. I know a place- a very good place where he can
get help,´ Christian observed.

³We¶ll see what Roland¶s got to say.´ Jack said.

When Roland appeared shortly after lunch we must have made a sad picture- we were
all wrecks. He came into the study right to me, putting his hands on my shoulders and
looking into my eyes, saying,

³We¶re going to resolve this, Joan. I can¶t tell you how sorry I am, that this happened
in my house, with a man who is practically my brother. I¶ll do whatever it takes to see
that nothing like this ever happens again.´

I nodded, misting up, and said, ³I just want to go home.´

³I know, Joan, and we¶ll get you there. Where¶s Richard?´

³In his room.´ Rebecca answered.

³I¶d like to see the discs and talk to him.´

³Be my guest.´ Jack said.

Oh, it was dreadful- even with the second shot Bernhardt gave me.

³You need to get some rest, Joan,´ he said.

³Don¶t leave me, then! Please don¶t leave me alone,´ I pleaded, and Rebecca said she
wouldn¶t leave my side. So I let the shot lull me into a dreamless black place. When I
woke I could hear them talking- Rebecca was only a foot away from me, in a chair,
and sound asleep, too. I felt gratitude until I realized what the men were talking about.

³She doesn¶t want anyone to know.´ Jack said.

³No one has to know.´ Said Atwood.

³I can take him for treatment.´ Bernhardt said. ³He can be rehabilitated. He has no
history of this, does he?´

³None,´ said Atwood.

³Well then«if Joan doesn¶t want to press charges it wont matter. Richard¶s agreed to
sign himself into a facility. Tyler can be spared the pain of this horrible thing and
Joan, who is the very spirit of resiliency, will heal,´ Bernhardt predicted.

³She doesn¶t want to see him,´ said Jack.

³No, and I don¶t blame her.´ Atwood agreed. ³You¶re her attending physician,
Christian. You say where she goes.´

³CorpTemp, I think. I¶ll tell Tyler he can see her tonight- that ought to take care of
any questions he might have. We¶ve agreed that there¶s been a family emergency,
then? And of course, with the information on Joan¶s meds- it¶s all on the up and up.
Tyler behaved in an exemplary manner.´
³The man¶s a genius,´ Atwood said. ³I hoped Richard would take after him- but not in
his personal life.´

I sat up, daring to wonder if I was getting out of here. Rebecca stirred and opened her
eyes, and I said, loudly,

³Can I take Rebecca?´

³Pardon?´ Atwood raised his brows.

³Can I take Rebecca with me? I¶ll need someone- a woman,´ I said.
Atwood, w ho was going to have to do anything to get out of this, shrugged and said,
³That¶s entirely up to Rebecca.´

She nodded at him. ³I¶d like to go, then. You and Richard don¶t really need someone
like me,´ she said.

I would have been amused at the blank amazement on the preacher¶s face, but I was
too drugged up. I could only smile at Rebecca.