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Intercultural Communication Final Paper

I met this girl back in the fall of 2005; she had just moved from Oregon, to my

hometown of Orland, CA. By Thanksgiving we were dating, and before we knew it we

were both graduating and heading into college together. To many people, we were the

³different´ couple. These peoples¶ feelings were because of our differing races. Yes, I¶m

talking about the color of our skin. She isMexican and I am Indian. We¶re both

Americans; all variables are equal except for our skin color. Yet many people saw us as

two entirely different types of people who did not belong together. Did this ever bother

us? Of course, we were affected in some ways. But overall, we didn¶t let it get to us and

actually grew closer.

A major reason we received stares is not only because of people¶s views, but also because

were relatively rare in my hometown. There were predominantly white people in the area.

Majority of these people frowned upon our relationship and acted as thought we were

doing something wrong. We did not feel that our relationship was wrong; we were young

and having a good time. In a way, I think that we may have enjoyed all the stares and

gossip.For instance, when we would walk in to the local mall, people would point, stare,

and talk about us from a distance. Normally, we would just kind of ignore these ignorant

people. But sometimes, if one of us were having a bad day, we would engage and cause a

scene.

 
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Although on the exterior it may not have seemed like other peoples¶ views of our

relationship had an affect on our relationship, at the end of the day I think it affected us a

great deal. Our second semester of college is when our problems began. Our fights started

out as just disagreeing on what to eat when we went out. But as time went on they turned

into her accusing me of cheating on her with my female Indian friends. These friends of

mine had been friends with me since childhood. I was not about to cut ties with them

because of her insecurities or jealousy. So the way I decided to deal with this is just to

simply ignore her ridiculous allegations. This was probably the wrong coping skill to

utilize, but I was young and ignorant at the time.

Another big issue that arose in our relationship was that she always wanted to

visit her parents, and for some reason drag me along. I absolutely hated going to her

parents¶ house. They spoke little to no English, yet they would insist on forcing me to

engage in conversation with them. Their house was extremely small, so there was never

any privacy. This may not have been an issue for them because they were a very

collectivistic family. Me on the other hand, I always had my own space and privacy

growing up. My family really values privacy, which I really enjoy. One day I just got

really sick of being at her house, and I just up and left without saying anything. I believe

this decision may have placed a permanent wedge between us.

Looking back on our relationship, I feel that I may have been the cause of many

of our problems. A better way to work out these intercultural misunderstandings would

have been with compromise. Compromise is a key element in a healthy romantic

relationship. Without compromise all you have is a winner and a loser, and in a

 
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relationship both partners should remain equal in the battlefield. Whenever we would

have a fight, I would just shut her out and tell her she¶s wrong. I did this in many of my

past relationships and have now come to learn my lesson. Being more sympathetic to

your partner¶s feelings can take a relationship a long way. When a person feels

misunderstood or shut out, they just want to get away from that setting. This is what

happened between us.

Moreover, I believe that intercultural relationships can definitely work out for the

long term. This can be achieved on one condition: both partners must be able and willing

to accommodate one another¶s different cultural views and customs. You must realize

that the two of you have been raised individually in different homes with different sets of

values. You must let each other be who you are individually, yet fit together as a couple. I

believe that if both partners can implement these simple elements into their relationship,

they have a better chance at a long and healthy relationship.