p.

I Don’t Want to Be Crazy by Samantha Schutz

Katie Grindley

Introduction

I Don’t Want to Be Crazy (Schutz, 2006) is memoir written in verse about a young
woman, Samantha Schutz, as she makes the journey through her college years and copes
with the debilitating mental illness that takes over her life. Along the way she must also
deal with the same issues that most young adults also face - struggles within her family,
the pressure of sex, self-esteem issues, and drifting friends. Adolescent readers will be
able to connect with Samantha on these levels and more. In the end they will have a
better understanding of panic disorders and will potentially be able to learn from the life
experiences that Samantha shares.

This book is perfect for those who are leaving for college and are unsure of what to
expect. According to a Horn Book review (2007, Spring), “Schutz's candid memoir of her
struggle with anxiety disorder captures the overwhelming uncertainty of college life” (p.
46). Too many high school students enter into their first year of college with unreal
expectation of what college is like. I Don’t Want to Be Crazy will be a reality check for
many. The novel also gives an insight into anxiety disorders that is raw and honest. Debra
Ennen (2007) of the Library Media Connection commented about Schutz’s portrayal of
anxiety disorders, “No other title depicts this disorder with such heart-wrenching clarity
that is sure to strike a chord with every reader: those who are concerned about their
feelings or the actions of friends, or someone who simply enjoys reading the truth rather
than fiction.” (p. 81). Young adults will be able to find a refuge within the pages. Readers
will be able to look back on the novel as they grow and mature and realize that they are
not alone. For these reasons Ennen states, “This title belongs in every high school media
center.” (p. 81).

I Don’t Want to Be Crazy has the ability to reach out to those who are reluctant to read
books that they don’t feel relate to them. Using just statistics alone it is plain to see that
this novel will be able to closely parallel the lives of many. The Statistical Abstract of the
United States (U.S. Bureau of Census, 2004) presented data that shows that out of the
2,675,000 high school graduates in the United States 68.6 percent advance to college. (p.
278). Then there are the more than 40 million adults age 18 and over who suffer from
anxiety disorders (p. 279). In fact, according to the Anxiety Disorder Association of
America (1999) “almost 75 percent of those with an anxiety disorder will experience
their first episode before they are 22 years old, making awareness of these disorders
among college-aged students and their parents essential” (p. 176). Which makes this
novel even more critical for those in their late high school years and beyond. Publishers
Weekly guide (2007, July, 30), recommends the book for those ages 12 and up (p. 87).

It is no surprise that in the short time it has been in print, I Don’t Want to Be Crazy has
 p.2

received much praise and recognition. It has been named an American Library
Association Quick Pick for Reluctant Readers, American Library Association
nominated it on its list of Best Books for Young Adults, New York Public Library
added it to its list of Best Books for the Teen, and Voice of Youth Advocates honored it
as a Poetry Pick.

In conclusion, I Don’t Want to Be Crazy has been recognized publicly as a worthwhile

piece of literature for adolescents. It has won numerous awards in literature and has been
recommended by four scholarly reviews. It is a positive novel that can and should be
incorporated into every adolescent classroom library.

Plot Summary

Written in verse and set in the late 1990’s through the early turn of the century, I Don’t
Want to Be Crazy follows its only three dimensional character, Samantha, beginning from
the early stages of preparing to leave for college and saying goodbye to her friends and
her overbearing family. She leaves behind a boy, Jason, who isn’t quite her boyfriend but
who is important enough to make her break down into tears when he shows up too high
to have their final night together. She also makes her break from a mother and father who
put the entire reputation of their family on her shoulders because her sister, Anne, has
already dropped out of school. Often described as constantly fighting and cold, Samantha
is ready to make her escape from them and move on to college.

College is a mixed experience for Samantha. She easily makes friends with her roommate
Sarah as well as a string of boys who occupy her bed at night. It’s only a short time into
the year when she begins to feel the immense pressure from her family, becomes
uncomfortable about how many boys she has been bringing home, and is overwhelmed
by the party atmosphere. Things then take a turn for the worst. She begins having intense
panic attacks. The attacks are so severe that they prevent her from joining in on
conversations, going into the dining hall, and even force her to leave classes so that she
can run to the restroom to calm down. It is only after many trips to the health center that
she sees a sign for panic disorder and begins to see a specialist. Throughout the next year
she takes a medicine that enables her to function well enough to go to France with a
foreign exchange program. She flies to France with the only friend that she fully admits
her problem to, Rebecca.

Things go well in France. Suddenly Samantha can close her eyes without the fear of
losing control and even begins to love her body the way it is. It is only when she and
Rebecca embark on a group trip to Provence for the weekend that the panic attacks come
back stronger than ever. The attacks get so severe that she has thoughts of ending her life
just to make them stop. Upon her return to the States she is flooded with drug after drug -
Klonopin, Paxil, Serezone – all in the hope that she can return to function in a normal
 p.3

state. For Samantha, her last two years of college are marked by more panic attacks and
problems with her self-image. She tries to medicate her mind into submission but she still
has relapses.

Graduation is bittersweet because she has had to miss out on so much due to her attacks.
It is only six months after graduation that she begins to take responsibility for her own
health and realizes that in order to get better she has to take control of her life. In the end
we leave Samantha still battling with her extreme panic disorder but managing it.

Literary Qualities and Summary of Reviews

The Library Criteria For Judging Fiction, the third chapter of the doctoral dissertation by
Dorothy Petitt (1962), Petitt lays out the criteria for defining quality adolescent literature.
When using these rules as we study I Don’t Want to Be Crazy we see that the novel is an
excellently written piece of work.

Petitt’s first criterion questions if the work is a novel. She states that the work must be
lengthy enough to reveal change in a character (p. 128). While I Don’t Want to Be Crazy
is not extensive in length it is long enough that we are able to see major change and
development in the main character Samantha. In the novel Samantha goes from a young
high school senior with trepidations of going off to college, to a girl who develops a
debilitating mental illness, to a young woman who has just graduated college and has
come to know herself and gain control over her illness.

Another one of Petitt’s requirements is the novel must be structured without having all of
its vital qualities destroyed (p.128). I Don’t Want to Be Crazy is written in prose and split
into five sections. Each of the five sections is then split into two to five sections of its
own. The breaks allow a reader to digest the information that they have read. They also
act as a timeline as the larger of the breaks separate her life from year to year. Within the
smaller breaks each entry begins with a bold line to show that a new idea has developed.
By doing so Schultz is able to make her work appear to be a string of journal entries. The
idea of consecutive journal entries adds credibility to the work because the novel is in
fact her memoir. The work feels incredibly unified and flows well because of its structure
and form.

Petitt’s second criterion is that the novel must be unified (p. 128). All aspects of I Don’t
Want to Be Crazy work together to form a compact story. There is no section of the work
that is either not cohesive or obtrusive.

Petitt’s third criterion is that a theme emerges as a controlling element in which all other
aspects can be seen finally to contribute (p. 129). The theme of the memoir is indeed the
general theme of all fiction – the individual in society. Uniquely, however, the work
 p.4

focuses on a young woman who must come of age in a society that causes her to develop
severe panic attacks. Samantha, the only three-dimensional character represents multiple
universal truths: everyone must grow older, everyone wants to be loved, and everyone
must overcome obstacles in their lives. The ideas of panic attacks, medication,
heartbreak, and self-esteem are repeated multiple times throughout the work.

Petitt’s third criterion is that there is a plot that purposively directs a pattern of events (p.
129).There is a clear series of events within I Don’t Want to Be Crazy. You are able to
follow the story and development of Samantha. There is not, however, a clear plot that
tells why experiences came about. We are simply thrown into moments where we are
connected to what is happening to the author. We don’t know why the panic attacks came
about or why they go away.

The events in the plot do reveal the characters. When we read excerpts from Samantha’s
life we meet the people around her who are also involved in the moment. The characters
help shape the emotions that Samantha has which in turn shape how she deals with the
world around her. The book is very much written in the moment. The only use of
foreshadowing is in the prologue. It contains a poem that could go much later in the
work. It describes one of Samantha’s panic attacks.

I Don’t Want to Be Crazy is told from a very clear point of view. It is always out of he
eyes of Samantha. The writing is raw and honest which makes it very convincing. The
single mind telling the story is very believable because the author is writing about her
past. There is enough depth and insight involved in the writing that we are able to try to
look beyond what is on the surface. We are given enough material that we can speculate
on the events that are occur in and the motives behind them.

The point of view takes on a sense of urgency because she is writing as it is occurring.
The entire novel has you feeling as if you are right in the moment. There is really no need
for another view on the events that are occurring in her life. The work is about one girl’s
life as she comes of age and the ways in which she has to deal with her disorder. An
outside opinion on how she is handling her development would be arbitrary. There is
obvious bias in the way that she looks at the world but it is a bias that is needed to make
the story credible. She looks at each new experience as dangerous, which is expected
from a girl with extreme panic disorder. While the bias does not help us understand
events better we are able to better understand her interaction in the world. Also, as a
reader we can judge whether she is getting better or worse by how prevalent her bias is in
new situations.

Petitt’s fifth criterion is that individual characters are fully enough developed to become
the focus of a readers interest (p.132). In the case of I Don’t Want to Be Crazy this is
true. While the plot and character of Samantha are very connected, they could survive
independently of each other. The plot of a young girl coming of age with a mental
 p.5

disorder could be carried out with a different girl and Samantha; a young girl with a
mental disorder and low self-esteem could easily fit into another plot.

The Schutz does not claim or imply knowing more about the character Samantha than we
do. However, because we know that the novel is a memoir we know that the author does
know much more about her own past and her future than we do. Part of the charm of the
novel is that she is just as confused about what is going on in her life as we are. A reader
can feel as if they are coming of age with her. She is very much capable to surprising the
reader in a convincing way. When she makes the choice to leave a boy Jason it is very
uncharacteristic of her.

Samantha makes huge changes in the course of the work. The change is incredibly
significant. She starts out as a high school graduate with few worries other than who her
roommate will be in college. She then develops extreme panic disorder and loses all
forms of self-esteem. Finally, she is able to love herself and make her disorder
manageable. Her change is the entire basis for the novel.

The flat characters remain just that -flat- throughout the novel. The do not change in more
ways that just becoming more understanding of Samantha and the struggle she is going
through. They do at times act as a reflection of Samantha’s change. We see that
Samantha goes from keeping her disorder and her feelings from her family but as she
matures she is able to tell them what is really going on. The flat characters also mark
when her disorder takes a change for he work because she all but pushes them from her
life and they seem to drop out of the novel. As she recovers we see the characters making
their way back into the plot.

Petitt’s sixth and final criterion is that dialogue must further the plot and express
character (p. 133). While there is no actual dialogue in I Don’t Want to Be Crazy,
Samantha summarizes all conversations into her own words. A reader is able to pick out
qualities of each individual. He interactions she has when they have these conversations
reveal her relationships with each character which in turn reveals more about herself.

The novel is written in a different form than most so it is hard to follow the same
guidelines set for literature of a more traditional form. Nevertheless, its character
development, themes, unity, and plot all make convincing points that this work is indeed
a work with literary merit.

Highly regarded book reviews across the country recommend I Don’t Want to Be Crazy.
In the short time it has been on the shelves of libraries and bookstores it has been
reviewed by fifteen reputable sources. Each believes that I Don’t Want to Be Crazy is a
book that all adolescents should be exposed to.

In a review in the Library Media Connection by Debera Ennen (2007, March), I Don’t
Want to Be Crazy was highly recommended. Ennen summarizes the plot for much of her
 p.6

review. She then says the book is for someone who prefers truth rather than fiction. She
believes that the work with help many other teens of the same age group because they
will face similar issues. Ennen says I Don’t Want to Be Crazy is a book that belongs in
every high school media center. She recommends the book for those ages 14+ (p. 81).

In a review in Voice of Youth of Advocates Amanda MacGregor (2006, December), calls

I Don’t Want to Be Crazy “moving” and “insightful”. MacGregor believes that the
memoir will appeal to YA readers because of content and form. She believes that once a
young reader picks up the book they will “not be able to put it down”. She recommends
the book for young adults ages 15 – 18 (p. 460).

Jill Maza (2007, January) reviews I Don’t Want to Be Crazy in the School Library
Journal. The review provides a brief summary of the book. It then discusses that many
teens will face some of the same issues as they move into adulthood and that the book
will be able to relate to them. The review states that readers with find “a little bit of
themselves”. She recommends the book for those in grade 9+ (p. 155).

Laura Walker (2007, May), highly recommends I Don’t Want to Be Crazy for Reviewers
of Young Adult Literature. Walker summarizes the book and then tells how the book it
perfect for those who need to cope with anxiety attacks, calling the description of the
anxiety attacks “bang on”. She recommends I Don’t Want to Be Crazy for high schools
and public libraries.

Leslie Wolfson (2006), wrote a review for Children’s Literature. Wolfson provides a
brief summary of the book. She says the language is simple enough for younger readers.
She recommends the book for the youngest age group of 12+.

It is blatant from the enthusiastic praise that these reviewers have for I Don’t Want to Be
Crazy that there should be a place in the classroom for this touching coming of age story.

Theoretical Support and Redeeming Values

I Don’t Want to Be Crazy is a novel that should be recommended to high school students
throughout the country. The prominent theorists in education and social development,
such as Louise Rosenblatt (1952), Lawrence Kohlberg (1969), Erik Erikson (1968) and
Robert Havighurst (1969), all provide support to the importance of such a book in a
young adult’s life. Not only does I Don’t Want to Be Crazy aid in the moral and social
development of young adults, but it puts emphasis on values that should be instilled
during this pivotal time in the reader’s emotional and intellectual growth.

Rosenblatt (1952) states that literature should be an “an emotional outlet” (p. 36) and that
 p.7

it allows a readers to “sympathize or to identify with the experiences of others” (p. 37). I
Don’t Want to Be Crazy would be a way for young adult readers to identify with the
struggles of a teenager trying to adjust to a college environment and the coming of age
process that they have to endure. Readers would also learn to sympathize with those who
have mental disorders because Samantha is a character who they can relate to and would
not expect her to have debilitating mental issue. Those teens that do experience such
problems would, through this novel, finally feel like they have representation and
someone to represent them to their peers who may have ill-conceived notions about
others with mental disorders.

Rosenblatt also states that the teaching of literature “necessarily involves helping the
student to handle, social, psychological, and ethical concept” (p. 109). A reader will be
able to see the social stigmas of mental disorders in today’s society. Teachers will be able
to use I Don’t Want to Be Crazy as an example of how a teen can rise against her
psychological issues and work against the social stigmas that society has against those
with such disorders.

According to Rosenblatt, “valued literature is a means of enlarging [students] knowledge

of the world” (p. 38). Because many young people have distorted views of anxiety and
other mental disorders, I Don’t Want to Be Crazy could add understanding to the to the
plight of those who suffer from them.

Rosenblatt states that students bring certain ideas and experiences to literature. She says
“The young adult brings with him our societies media images which ten to ‘coarsen’ his
sensibilities and make him less able to respond (p. 93). Some students may begin to read
the novel with preconceived notions about people who suffer from mental disorders.
They may find it difficult to feel empathy for the main character. After reading I Don’t
Want to Be Crazy, however, their views on such disorders should be broadened.

Using Kohlberg’s (1969) stages of moral development a reader can see that the main
character Samantha passes through stages I, IV, and V1. Samantha is in stage I: avoid
punishment throughout the first few chapters of I Don’t Want to Be Crazy. She is
partying and lying to her parents with the idea that if she doesn’t get caught it wont
matter.

Towards the middle of the novel Samantha reaches Kohlberg’s stage IV: law and order –
blind obedience to authority. It is easy to see that Samantha has a phase in her life when
she is trying to follow the orders of her parents and her teachers without questioning what
they are telling her. Her parents are pressuring her to ignore her issues and also to hold all
the pressure on her shoulders.

Samantha reaches Kohlberg’s step VI: ethical principles – let your conscience be your
guide) towards the end of I Don’t Want to Be Crazy. It is only after much personal
growth that Samantha is able to make decisions based on what her conscience is telling
 p.8

her rather than what those around her are telling her. It is only then that she is able to get
her disorder under control.

Samantha exhibits most of the attributes of adolescence that Erik Erikson (1968)
identifies in his Identity: Youth and Crisis. Therefore, young adults will be able to learn
from I Don’t Want to Be Crazy and apply the lessons learned by the novel to their lives.
Erikson says that adolescents are “beset with physiological revolution of their genital
maturation” (p. 128). Samantha is preoccupied with the idea of sex and sexual activities
throughout the novel. She is trying to figure out what to do with her virginity and the
various boys that our in her life.

According to Erikson adolescents are “preoccupied with what they appear to be in the
eyes of others as compared with what they feel they are” (p. 123). Samantha is often so
concerned with her appearance that she is unable to calm herself down when she is
having panic attacks and she often finds it hard to enjoy herself in social situations.

Samantha passes through the career stage at the end of the novel when she is trying to
figure out what to do with her life after college. Erikson states that the “choice of an
occupation assumes a significance beyond the question of remuneration and status [no]
success without the satisfaction of functioning with unique ambition” (p. 129).

Samantha deals with the issue of Erikson’s self-definition. He states that “To a
considerable extent adolescent love is an attempt to arrive at a definition of one’s identity
by projecting one’s diffused self- image on another and by seeing it thus reflected and
gradually clarified” (p. 132).

Drugs, alcohol, and hard partying are just some examples of how Samantha exemplifies
Erikson’s theory that all adolescents toy with danger. “The adolescent’s leaning out over
any number of precipices is normally an experimentation with experiences which are thus
becoming more amenable to ego control” (p. 164).

According to Erikson “adolescents may recoil to a position of strenuous introspection and

self-testing which can lead him into a paralyzing border state. This state consists of a
painfully heightened sense of isolation, a disintegration of the sense of inner continuity
and sameness, a sense of over- all ashamedness, an inability to derive a sense of
accomplishment from any kind of activity” (p. 169) Samantha goes through this step
when she develops her disorder. She spends time thinking about the decisions she is
making in her life and considering deeply ideas about her future even going so far as to
considering suicide.

According to Robert Carlsen’s (1979) stages of reading development middle adolescence

readers are looking for nonfiction accounts of adventure and stories of adolescent life. I
Don’t Want to Be Crazy is both of these things. The true-life adventure of going to
college would be very appealing to those in middle adolescence. Because it is also a true
 p.9

story about dealing with coming of age the novel also fits under the second category.

I Don’t Want to Be Crazy also fits into Carlsen’s late adolescence stages of reading.
Carlsen claims that these readers want in this age group want books that have a search for
personal values, books with strange and unusual human experiences, and a transition to
human life. I Don’t Want to Be Crazy is a novel that incorporates all these things.
Samantha is searching to understand her views on the world and put her values in check
throughout the novel. Readers will appreciate Samantha’s unusual experience of dealing
with her anxiety disorder. Lastly, adolescent readers will be drawn to Samantha’s
transition to adult life from high school.

Reo Christenson (1988) states in his unpublished manuscript Values and Attributes to be
Fostered by the Public Schools that there are 21 values that should be cultivated in the
public school system. I Don’t Want to Be Crazy exhibits 14 of these values.

“1) Acknowledging the importance of self-discipline, defined as the strength to do what

we believe we should do, even when we would rather not do it. 3) Telling the truth, even
when it is embarrassing for us to do so. 6) Having the courage to say, ‘I’m sorry, I was
wrong 7) Practicing courtesy in human relationships.8) Doing work well, whatever that
work may be. 10) Being obedient to the law. 11) Using honorable means. 12) Treating
others as we would wish to be treated 13) Bearing in mind how we conduct ourselves in
times of adversity. 16) Developing habits that promote out health. 17) Abstaining from
premature sexual experience and developing a compatible attitude with the values of
family life” (p. 1). “18) Developing the courage to resist group (or individual) pressures
to do what we believe, when alone, that we should not do. 20) Recognizing that no
person is an island, that behavior that may seem to be of purely private concern often
affects those about us and society itself. 21) Recognizing that the more important thing in
life is the kind of person we are becoming and the qualities of character we are
developing” (p. 2).

According to The Ohio Department of Education’s Character Education in Ohio:

Sample Strategies (1990) there are ten characteristics that we should promote in school-
compassion, courtesy, tolerance, honesty, discipline, diligence, responsibility, respect,
courage, and integrity. Each of these ideas is in I Don’t Want to Be Crazy.

Compassion is exemplified when Samantha’s few but close friends learn of her disorder
and take pity on her. They are sensitive to the way she feels and very supportive. They
worry about Samantha when the environment around her gets to be too much to handle
and are always willing to take the tie out of their day to help her.

We see courtesy in Shultz’s novel when the teachers and students try to help Samantha
cope with her mental disorder. The teachers are very helpful in accommodating her
special needs, one even going so far as to relocate to a larger classroom.
 p.10

Tolerance is a trait that took time in I Don’t Want to Be Crazy. There is such a stigma
against mental disorders that often Samantha was treated differently and often poorly.
Slowly, however, her needs became known and the stigma seemed to lesson.

Honesty is seen in the novel when Samantha finally tells her parents about her disorder
instead of hiding it from them. Her friends and her family prove to be trustworthy and her
therapists completely respect the confidentiality agreement.

Discipline is practiced within the novel as well. Samantha establishes many goals for
herself. Some are as short term as not having a panic attack and others are as long term as
getting off her medication and living a normal life. She strives to improve herself daily
and works hard to get her mental health back into shape.

Diligence is obvious in Samantha’s commitment to school even when it would have been
easier to just drop out. She completes her homework and at least attempts to sit through
each class even when she is not in the best mental state.

There is character responsibility in I Don’t Want to Be Crazy from beginning to end.

Samantha takes responsibility for her own disorder, respects the authority of others,
attends school each day, and participates in school- sponsored activities.

Self- respect doesn’t shine through until the end of the novel. She finally is able to get her
disorder under control and accept it. She begins to gain self-confidence and even
recognizes her worth and dignity. Finally, she develops some sort of pride in herself.

Courage is a large portion of I Don’t Want to Be Crazy. Samantha has to keep the
courage every day to stand up for herself and get help for her disorder. She faces the
adversity that surrounds her disorder each day.

Lastly there is integrity that Samantha shows in her loyalty, her demonstration of
soundness of character, and her consistent walk on an ethical path.

When adolescents see these values in the text they will feel motivated to model after
them. The more we expose children to these ideas the easier they will be able to insert
them into their everyday lives.

I Don’t Want to Be Crazy is well supported by the work of these prominent theorists. It
will aid in the moral development of the students as well as underline values that all
young adults should be learning.

Panic Disorders in I Don’t Want to Be Crazy

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Panic and anxiety disorders are the central topic in I Don’t Want to Be Crazy. Samantha
begins to experience these panic attacks in her freshman year of college. She is so
unprepared for these attacks that not only does she go undiagnosed for the disorder for
months, she feel feels such a stigma towards her condition that she lives life ashamed and
confused. It is unfortunate that there is more literature that informs teens about these
disorders because according to the National Institute of Mental Health (2008), “Panic
disorder often begins in the late teens or early adulthood” (p. 4). Literature that exposes
teens to the topic of panic and anxiety attacks, such as I Don’t Want to Be Crazy, gives
students the information they need to be prepared. According to Irving B. Weiner (2003)
co-author of the book Handbook of Psychology, “The average age of onset for the first
panic disorder is 15- 19 years, and 95% of adolescents are post pubertal”(p.40). School
libraries need to be stocked with books that will help an adolescent realize that they are
not alone in this disorder.

Worryingly, adolescents may underestimate the severity of panic attacks. According to a

study by Dr. Steven Friedman (2008), a psychologist at the Health Center of the State
University of New York in Brooklyn, there is a 50 percent chance that those with panic
disorders that are undiagnosed and untreated will suffer from depression, which could
eventually lead to suicide (p. i). Panic attacks are not to be taken lightly. If the
information about them is not shared then there is the risk of adolescents going
undiagnosed the same way Samantha does in I Don’t want to Be Crazy. Another big issue
with panic disorders is that according to Márianna Csóti (2003), “Adolescents risk
damping their fears through substance or alcohol abuse, failing or dropping out of school,
or becoming socially isolated and almost housebound” (p. 48).

What is harder than living life with diagnosed panic disorder is living with it
undiagnosed. Because the disease is so obscure the patient may be turned away by
several doctors and dismissed by friends and family as overreacting. Lorna Weinstock
(1998), wrote in her book Overcoming Panic Disorder: A Woman’s Guide, “ Unless the
patient has done some reading, met others with the same condition, or been fortunate
enough to find a doctor who recognizes panic disorder, she is probably wondering why
she feels so terrible when the doctors assure that she is healthy. She may worry that she
has some rare, mysterious physical ailment or, even worse that she is ‘crazy’ ” (p.3) This
is the very same way that Samantha feels in I Don’t Want to Be Crazy as she searches for
the cause of her extreme fits of fear. She was not one of the lucky ones who had read
about the disorder before hand; luckily for the reader of I Don’t Want to Be Crazy, they
will be exposed to the disorder.

Panic disorder is in such need of being presented to adolescents. There is no better way to
introduce to subject then Schutz novel, I Don’t Want to Be Crazy. If the student feels the
need to continue his or her education they need to look no further than the list of sources
that Schutz has provided for the reader in the back of her book.
 p.12

Objectives, teaching methods, and assignments

Suggested teaching Objectives

This section is based on using the Ohio Academic Content Standards (Ohio Department
of Education, 2001) to teach I Don’t Want to Be Crazy. Because the average age is
deemed necessary for high school students and a majority of the novel focuses on
preparing for and going to college these suggested activities and standards are for the 11th
grade level.

Literary Text Standard

Ohio benchmarks, Grades 11 -12
Literary text standard for grade 11

Benchmark A. Analyze and evaluate the five elements (e.g., plot, character, setting, point
of view and theme) in literary text.

Grade level indicator 3. Explain how voice and narrator affect the
characterization, plot and credibility.

Activity/Discussion: Explain how the fact that the novel is a memoir

effects the reader’s perception of the novel. What if, anything, do you think that she left
out of the book? Why? Discuss how the novel would be different if it were fiction

Benchmark B. Explain ways characters confront similar situations and conflict.

Grade level indicator 1. Compare and contrast motivations and reactions of

literary characters confronting similar conflicts (e.g., individual vs. nature, freedom vs.
responsibility, individual vs. society), using specific example of characters’ thoughts,
words and actions.

Activity/Discussion: Compare conflicts in the novel to a great work of the

past. Discuss how each exemplifies individual vs. nature, freedom vs. responsibility, and
individual vs. society.

Benchmark C. Recognize and analyze characteristics of subgenres and literary periods.

Grade level indicator 7: Analyze the characteristics of various literary periods and
how the issues influenced the writers of those periods.

Activity/discussion: Samantha is a modern day woman who is coming of

age in society that she does not fully fit in to. What characters from novels in the past are
 p.13

also woman coming of age while feeling isolated from the community around them.
What event occurred in their time periods which can be compared to what Samantha is
facing as well?

Benchmark D: Analyze how an author uses figurative language and literary techniques to
shape plot and set meaning.
Grade level indicator 8.: Evaluate ways authors develop point of view and style
to achieve specific rhetorical and aesthetic purposes (e.g., through use of figurative
language, irony, tone, diction, imagery, symbolism and sounds of language), citing
specific examples from text to support analysis.

Activity/Discussion: Cite examples from the book where Schutz uses each
of the following: Irony, tone, diction, imagery, and symbolism. How do these instances
enhance the reader’s view of Samantha’s world? How does this help convey emotion and
plot direction?

Alternate Teaching Objectives

1) To determine the effectiveness of Schutz’s choice to write the novel in poetry

form.

2) To analyze the treatment of those with psychological disorders.

3) To examine the theme of trying to find one’s self.

4) To observe the effects of societal burdens on teens.

5) To examine peer pressure in society today.

6) To trace Samantha’s self-development.

7) To broaden the understanding of tolerance and differences.

8) To question the way that students transition from high school years to college
years.

9) To discuss positive ways to deal with stressful situations.

 p.14

10) To broaden minds about anxiety and panic disorders.

To accomplish teaching objectives teachers should select from suggested student

activities.

Additional Activities / Discussions

1) Write your own autobiography about a time in your life when you felt like an
outsider

2) Get in groups and discuss stereotypes of those with psychological disorders.

3) Choose your favorite stanza from the book. Read it out loud to a small group and
discuss what Samantha must have been feeling as she was writing it.

4) Choose an undeveloped character in the book and write their side of the story in
poem form.

5) Write a collection of ten poems that tell the story of your school year so far. Bind
them together and make a small book.

6) In pairs pick a mental disorder and do research on it. The pairs will then present
the research to the rest of the class.

7) Create a timeline of Samantha four years of college. What large events happened
during each year? Mark the climax.

8) Write down all the things that are causing you anxiety at the moment. Then
outline a plan in which you can ease the stress of these items.

9) Split the class into groups and assign each group a portion of the book. Each
group then must figure out the most important parts of the book and do a selective
reading of those lines to the class and explain their importance.

10) Keep a journal for a semester. Each month read your favorite to the class.

11) Write an outline for the story of your life as if you were going to write your own
autobiography about your life.
 p.15

12) Compile a list of topics that you feel society tries to ignore but teens need to learn
about.

13) Write an essay about your expectations and plans for college. Now write an essay
about what you think Samantha’s expectations and goals were.

14) Write a poem about a time when you felt the most panicky. Then read it allowed
to the class being as dramatic as you can.

Possible Essay Questions

1) Track the progress of Samantha’s mental disorder. When did it begin? When Did
it escalate? Where is it at the end of the novel?

2) Does Samantha handle her disorder properly? What would you do If you were in
her situation? How would you deal with it at home? At school?

3) Cite the instances in the book where someone makes a difference, either positive
or negative, in Samantha’s life.

4) Identify the pressures in Samantha’s life. Describe ways that she could have
lightened the load.

5) Are there any other characters in the book that show signs of development? Cite
specific instances from the book.

Possible Objections

Theorists agree that young adults should read novels that present real-life situations so
that they will have a point of reference and be able to deal with similar issues when they
are out of school. To some young adults the ideas of drug use, suicide, underage drinking,
and promiscuous sexual activity are far fetched. The reality, however, is that these events
take place daily in a teens life. Jenkinson (1986) suggests, “Censorship’s approach is
negative, seeking vulnerable characteristics in the book wherever they can be found” (p.
72). If we are to approach searching for and selecting literature in that manner not only
will our view on the world be skewed, but also it would be nearly impossible to fine a
novel that has nothing of objectionable content within it. The following is a list (with
page numbers) of themes that could be deemed objectionable according to Jenkinson’s
 p.16

(1986) book The Schoolbook Protest Movement: 40 Questions and Answers (1986) (pp.
50- 54)

Drug use and drinking occur numerous times throughout I Don’t Want to Be Crazy.
Jenkinson would classify this as “drug education” (p. 50). The main character Samantha
uses marijuana as a way of calming herself down. Most adolescents will be exposed to
marijuana at some point in their lives and Schutz does not always portray this use in a
good light. This will provide an opportunity for adolescents do decide what they would
do if they were in the situation where they were offered marijuana. Drinking is a
something that all college students will be exposed to at some time. Schutz mostly avoids
alcohol throughout the second half of the novel because she realizes that she is not
making positive decisions under it’s influence and that it is intensifying her panic
disorders.

Profanity (p. 51) is common in I Don’t Want to Be Crazy. In the use of the profanity the
culture and world around Samantha is formed. To include a book about college-aged
students and not mention some profanity would be dishonest and lead readers to question
it’s authenticity.

There are some passages that “describe sexual acts explicitly or passages that refer to a
sex act” (p. 52) in the novel. These passages are not graphic; they only give readers a
sense the character’s struggle with the college atmosphere. While parents might have
concerns about the sexual situations that Samantha is caught in, most would be pleased to
find that she keeps her virginity throughout the entire novel and remains true to her
values.

“Death education” (pp. 52- 53) and “depressing thoughts” (p. 54) are included in I Don’t
Want to Be Crazy. In the end, however, Samantha finds her way past thoughts of suicide
and becomes a stronger person as she manages to control her disorder. The suicide of a
friend of Samantha’s illustrates to the reader the devastating effects that such an act has
on all those around you. The book also gives alternative ways to cope with a life that
feels as if it has gotten out of control.

Opposing Censorship for I Don’t Want to Be Crazy

Depriving our youth of books is the greatest injustice we could possibly force upon them.
According to Erica Walters (1998) “A school has the responsibility to help students learn
and to make information available to them. Schools should educate and expose children
to different topics in order to prepare them for life and to help them make informed
decisions. Here lies the primary purpose of education, but censorship acts as more of an
obstacle than an aid in achieving this goal.” (p. i) Adolescents must be exposed to the
issues instead of sheltered from them if they are expected to be ready to face them in the
future. We are doing them no favors by denying them the chance to prepare their views
on controversial issues such as drinking and sex.
 p.17

In Jean E. Brown’s Preserving Intellectual Freedom (1984), Margaret T. Sacco writes,

“It is impossible to select a book that at least one person will not find objectionable”
(p.66). A book that is without any controversial ideas would be so watered down that it
would have little more substance than a picture book. Not only do these “controversial”
topics make a book captivating to an adolescent reader but also without them the books
would lack credibility. A student who is exposed to a book that lacks real world issues
may find it old fashioned and lack the motivation to read it. The real world is full of
topics that censors would find objectionable - but they are real. These students will
eventually come across these topics and those who are not exposed to such situations may
succumb to them.

Adolescents will be able to live many of the experiences through the characters in books.
Life lessons do not always have to be learned first hand. A student who follows along as
a beloved protagonist destroys his future because of his teenage drinking and drug use
would be less likely to partake in the activity herself.

Reading controversial books can work to the concerned parent’s advantage. With the use
of guided and open discussion a parent can use the novel as an icebreaker to topics that
would not organically arise. Together the student and the parent can then discuss the
issue in detail, come to opinions on each topic and define proper procedure when facing
such issues in real life. The classroom is a great place to further this exploration. Sacco
writes, “In a classroom, daily teenage life can be discussed with adult supervision using
young adult novels” (p. 69). A public forum where adults and students together can
discuss these important issues is much safer than students gathering on their own to form
opinions based solely on rumors that they have heard from their peers.

I Don’t Want to Be Crazy is one of those excellent novels that can prepare students for
what is to come in their lives. Because topics such as suicide, drinking, and sex are
discussed; censors should embrace the opportunity to open the lines of communication
with readers instead of fearing the impact on young readers lives.

According to a pamphlet entitles “Common Ground” published in (1993) by The

National Council of Teachers of English and The International Reading Association
(IRA) it should be made known that “the right of any individual not just to read but to
read whatever he or she wants to read is basic to democratic society” (p. 5). Censoring
such excellent novels on the basis of real world activities being portrayed is not only and
injustice, but it would chip away at the basic principles that our nation was founded on. I
Don’t Want to Be Crazy should have a home on every high school library shelf and
should be available to any one in a classroom setting who has interest in reading it.

Alternative books
 p.18

If even after the reading all the data that supports the reading of I Don’t Want to Be
Crazy one still deems it too controversial, there are alternative books that are
recommended that deal with the subjects of teens coping with psychological disorders
and/or the transition from high school to college years.

Brashers, A. Girls in pants (2005). New York: Delacorte Press.

The girls of the Sisterhood graduate from high school and have one last summer to learn
about themselves before they go to college.

Craft, L. (2006). Bass ackwards and belly up: A novel. New York: Little Brown.

When one of four best friends lies and says she will pursue her dream of writing a novel
rather than start college, two others join in, one by going to Los Angeles to become an
actress and one by backpacking through Europe to find herself, while the fourth goes to
college, joins her hero's ski team, and tries to fall in love.

Frank, H. (2004). I can’t tell you. Boston: Graphia.

While fighting with his best friend and college roommate over a girl, Jake says something
he regrets, and then begins communicating only through notes and letters, but when he
wants to tell the girl how he really feels about her, his silence and penchant for puns get
in the way.

Harrar, G. (2003). Not as crazy as I seem. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co.

As fifteen-year-old Devon begins mid-year at a new prestigious prep school, he is

plagued by compulsions such as the need to sort things into groups of four.

Hesser, T. (1998). Kissing doorknobs. New York: Delacorte Press.

Fourteen-year-old Tara describes how her increasingly strange compulsions begin to take
over her life and affect her relationships with her family and friends.

Heuston, K. (2008). Book of Jude. Asheville, N.C: Front Street.

In 1989, when fifteen-year-old Jude's mother wins a Fulbright fellowship to study art in
Czechoslovakia, the family postpones a planned move to Utah to join her, but the
political situation and the move itself are too much for Jude, who is overwhelmed by a
previously undiagnosed psychological disorder.

Hobbs, V. (2007). Anything but ordinary. New York : Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
 p.19

Bernie and Winifred have been in love since they were fourteen, but when Winifred goes
away to college in California and Bernie stays in New Jersey things change for the two of
them, and each must try to forge an identity separate from the other.

Kantor, M. (2004). Confessions of a not it girl. New York : Hyperion.

Jan Miller is getting ready to leave high school behind and go off to college. She is
involved in love triangles and battles with friends all while she is trying to calm her own
insecurities

Malloy, B. (2008). Twelve long months. New York: Scholastic Press

From the end of her senior year at Minnesota's Le Seur High School through her first
year as a physics major at Columbia University, Molly Swain finds the inner strength and
good friends to help her cope with massive challenges.

Mattis, S. (2002). Panic disorder and anxiety in adolescence. Wiley, John & Sons.

Non-fiction. A book about panic disorders in adolescence that guides the reader through
panic disorders and offers practical advice on how to manage them.

Sones, S. (1999). Stop pretending : What happened when my big sister went crazy.
Harpercollins Juvenile Books.

A younger sister has a difficult time adjusting to life after her older sister has a mental
breakdown.

Vizzini, N. (2006). It’s kind of a funny story. New York, NY : Miramax Books/Hyperion
Books For Children.

A humorous account of a New York City teenager's battle with depression and his time
spent in a psychiatric hospital. ** Highly recommended

Watson, E. (2000). The pain tree, and other teenage angst-ridden poetry.
Boston, Mass: Houghton Mifflin.

This is a book of original poetry by teens for teens. Dramatic, plaintive, despairing, and
hopeful, this unusual collection has been gathered together and illustrated be beautiful
paintings.

Weitz, P. (2009).College girl. Riverhead: Penguin Group.

A fragile coed with working-class roots struggles to come out of her shell during her last
year at an East Coast university.
 p.20

Yoo, P. (2008). Goode enough. New York, NY: Harper Teen.

A Korean American teenager tries to please her parents by getting into an Ivy League
college, but a new guy in school and her love of the violin tempt her in new directions.

Biographical Information About the Author

Because she is a very private person, not much is known about the early life of the author
of I Don’t Want to Be Crazy. Born in 1978, Samantha Schutz grew up in Queens New
York. After a seemingly “normal” childhood Samantha was ready to leave home and go
off to Skidmore College. It wasn’t long into her freshman year that her battle with severe
anxiety disorder began. After graduating she became a children’s book editor in New
York City where she currently presides.

Schutz wrote I Don’t Want to Be Crazy about her own battle with the anxiety disorder. It
is her first published work. She used the journals that she kept all through college to
recount the events that took place over her four years in college as well as the end of her
senior year. In an interview with YA Book Central Schutz (2007) said, “I used my
journals to help me recreate my world. They reminded me who I was friends with, what
types of parties I went to, and what classes I was in. Other journals were more helpful—
especially the ones from when I was studying abroad in Paris my junior year. Those
journals were far more explicit about my anxiety. For the first time, I could actually lift
entire poems from my journal and use them in my book (with much editing, of course).”
(p. 1)

Schutz describes in her personal blog her motives for writing I Don’t Want to Be Crazy.
She did not believe that young adults had enough text about panic and anxiety disorders.
Schutz (2006) says, “There were no books for teens about anxiety disorder. (There are of
course, many self-help-type books on the subject, but they weren’t engaging reads and
they didn’t make me feel any less alone.) There are books for teens about drug abuse,
depression, rape, suicide, OCD, cutting, learning disabilities, eating disorders…but there
were no books about generalized anxiety disorder or panic disorder--ironic since anxiety
often plays a major role in other disorders. In short, I wanted representation.” (p. 16)

References

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Brashers, A. (2005). Girls in pants. New York, NY : Delacorte Press

 p.21

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Craft, Liz (2006) Bass ackwards and belly up: A novel. New York, NY: Little Brown

Csóti, M. (2003). School phobia, panic attacks, and anxiety in children.

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Ennen, D. (2007).[Review of the book I don’t want to be crazy] Library Media

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Harrar, G. (2003). Not as crazy as I seem. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co.

Hesser, TS.(1998) Kissing doorknobs. New York, NY: Delacorte Press

Heuston, K. (2008). Book of Jude. Asheville, N.C. : Front Street.

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 p.23

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