FORMER EDITOR GIVES UP TRINIANS REIGNS FOR ST TRINIA NS

By A Staff Reporter
Fleet Street is still reeling from the shock of the surprise resignation of Sue Maaam Lovelace. Citing work commitments the former war correspondent for Heat Magazine commented My girls need me, after all if Im not there to tuck them in at night they might get up to all kinds of mischief such as wearing fishnets and turning the chemistry lab into a liquor distillery. Jeff Tiger Graves who has been leader of the Carlton since the resignation of the previous chairman after a scandal in which she tried to surreptitiously smuggle a sleeping member onto the committee to give herself an extra vote at meetings, was deeply saddened by the news. Where the hell are we going to find someone who has the writing

Sue always there for her gels

flair of Salmon Rushdie, the political acumen on Tony Blair and the sex appeal of Victoria Beckham? Fortunately the replacement possesses the qualities of all those people, the writing ability of Posh

Spice, the sex appeal of Tony Blair and the political acumen of Salmon Rushdie. The Carlton committee is expecting its first fatwa in the near future. Well keep you posted

AND CARLTON PLAYS CAT AND MOUSE

Congratulations to everyone involved in the 2002 Carlton Workshops which were a great success with s being raised from ticket sales across the three nights. Thanks to everyone who helped out front of house and behind the scenes for contributing to this success. For a full review of the evening turn to our Reviews section on page 2.

THEATRELAND
This months guest reviewer is celebrity hairdresser Nikki Clark
I was surprised to receive the invitation to Carton Dramatic societys latest offering as being a hairdresser I dont often get invited to review plays, but Kenneth Tynans loss is my gain. And what an evening it turned out to be. Dylan Thomass gentle comedy about the inhabitants of Llareggub (which apparently for all you wordies out there is Bugger all spelt backwards) was a wonderful start to the evening with the majority of the cast showing off beautifully tamed and glossy locks against dark costumes (proving that black really is back). Showing that post modernist Orwellian starkness is really making a comeback on the catwalk was The Mouse in the Field. Paul Smith suits, clinical bobs and autumn field highlights made this anything but mousey. Finishing off the first half was catastic Fur Better, Fur Worse excellent performances from all, which showed that even pets need the kind of TLC that only a top salon can provide (Nicky Clark Pet and Go available from all good Boots). After a cup of coffee in which I discussed me recent holiday to Barbados with people on my table, I was delighted to see some comic cuts launching the second half. Nothing tickles my funny bone more than wig jokes, but from wig pastiches we moved seamlessly on to the real thing, with twenties style bob sending a mutter of is she or isnt she around the assembled audience and a far from flyaway performance from angry young man in Brillcream. Finally I was glad to see that bunches made an appearance in the final offering of the evening, some may say pass, I say coolly retro. And with the hilarious short back and sides, southern belle chignon and George Michael buzz cut was a perfect end to a perfectly groomed evening.

photos by Simon Harris

PUZZLE CORNER
M S Q F X F I E L D A O G T C W E Q T S F N U B S H A D R V O G H S Q Y R R W Q W S T C E N E E E G Y P W V D H W A H O P J R O U G H M E N I Z M S F Q X S Q S L X H A P P Y I O I L K A D I K H E R E
Mouse in the Field Word Search SONGS PILL MOUSE FIELD WHY ARE WE HERE HAPPY SAD DREAMS ROUGHMEN

Fur Better Maze

Delilahs Photo Case Book

Send me your relationship problems and I will trivialise and sensationalise them. This month Ms McB thinks her hubby might be a little to close to best mate Banquo.

THE END OF THE FOOD CHAIN

A CARL P WHITESIDE PRODUCTION

In association with shamlessplug.com comes Carlton Dramatic Societys production of THE END OF THE FOOD CHAIN Get your tickets now for the theatrical event of the season as Carl Whiteside returns after his triumphant debut Macbeth The Directors cut. For his next Magnum Opus Mr Whiteside has chosen the intimate lines and Brechtian starkness of the Colour House for his Tim Firths comedic masterpiece THE END OF THE FOOD CHAIN Gasp as the cast risk life and limb in the Fish Fencing, gasp in awe at the ancient art of shove tuna and marvel at Mr James Graysons prowess with a horn and a small piece of citrus fruit. Dont take our word for it, witness some of the rave reviews that THE END OF THE FOOD CHAIN has received from genuine theatre goers: I laughed my head off Ms A Boleyn (Hampton Court) Exceedingly good M Kipling (Bakewell) Revolutionary Mr C Guevara (Slough) Use your cut out and keep booking form to book now! Dont Delay, book today!

By Celebrity Reporter Tara Palmer-Tomkinson

NEW PLAY CAST!!!!

Don Pedro Don John Claudio Benedick Leonato Antonio Balthasar Conrade Borachio Fr Francis/ Verges Dogberry Watchmen Hero Beatrice Margaret Ursula Sexton James Derbyshire Lewis Wilmott Michael Ahmad Matthew Petty James Grayston Aubrey Tredget Jason Griffiths Bennet Andrews Graham Parks Adam Cain Dylan Geoghegan Philip Clarke, Simon Reid Helen Dixon Kate Mitchell Kristen Bowditch Georgina Gorham Alison Raffan

The Carlton was rocked with controversy last night after it emerged that ACTORS!!!!! had been cast in the forthcoming production at the studio. Director Val Foskett had to go into hiding after the News of the World exposed the Director for apparently holding auditions and then choosing a cast from the people that had turned up. We challenged Val as she shopped at her local Sainsburys who only had this to sayIts all Much Ado About Nothing.

OTHER NEWS
FRIDAY 8 MARCH: Georgina, Dylan, Dennis and several new members who have been cast in Much Ado will be performing I Remember Mama in Sutton. A group outing is being organised, if you want to go Call Georgina on 07762 706698 TRACING CARLTON MEMBERS I would like to hear from people who are still Friends of the Carlton but are no longer in the Wimbledon area, we would like to hear what you are up to.
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WE NEED YOU AUCTION STORIES: Next months Chronicle will feature a report on the success of the auction, can anyone who bought a lot please email me with their experiences (k_voyager@hotmail.com) THIS IS YOUR NEWSLETTER: Anything you want featured, let me know and I will submit it to the exhaustive editorial selection board for consideration, ie Ill cut and paste it into the next Chronicle