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Wednesday, August 13, 2008 *****
Spelling
mistakes
draw note
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last
night, when I was shopping in a na-
tionally known, chain-type drugstore
in my neighborhood, I noticed three
different signs that contained mis-
spellings.
These were
the kind of signs
that are input by
someone into a
computer, and
then are gen-
erated by the
computer into
a professional-
looking typed
sign. They
were very large
and noticeable
signs.
I work as a proofreader and editor,
and it disappoints me to see so many
mistakes regarding the English lan-
guage. Would it be rude to call the
store and mention the mistakes to the
manager, in a polite way, of course?
GENTLE READER: The desire to
lead the entire world to correctness
is an urge with which Miss Manners
has the greatest sympathy. Even if that
leads to proofreading your drugstore.
But neither of us can run around in-
sulting people, which is what an amaz-
ing number of people do when they
detect errors.
This applies to correcting individu-
als, however, not institutions. So you
may inform those in authority to act
on mistakes of which you know they
would want to be aware.
ȹ Original purpose: Cooling and sooth-
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is accom-
modating a single woman into a group
of several couples enough of a head-
ache to make the couples not want to
make the effort, and, if so, why?
I have been a female member of
such a group for the past 16 years. For
the first half, I was married, but for
most of the second half, I have been
single. At first, I was an active partici-
pant in most group activities, but over
the past three or four years, my sta-
tus has slowly wound down to that of
“fifth wheel.”
I now see my old friends at an oc-
casional holiday party or dinner at one
of the houses, or one-on-one lunches
with the wives once or twice a year.
While this has been happening, due to
slips of tongues and e-mail comments,
I am forced to learn of a fair number
of group get-togethers that I had not
known about or been a part of.
I promise that the only reason I can
imagine that I have been separated
from the main group activities is my
single status, and frankly, since these
people were such good friends for so
long, I am puzzled. What does Miss
Manners suggest?
GENTLE READER: It is not uncom-
mon for couples to drop someone
who becomes single.
But it can also happen out of excess
compassion. The gentlemen refuse to
allow the single lady to contribute to
the expenses of an outing, and then
get tired of paying for her. Or the la-
dies feel they should find her a date
for the evening and can’t.
Miss Manners recommends issuing
invitations to these people until they
resume the habit of including you.
ɀ Write to Miss Manners at
MissManners@unitedmedia.com, or
via postal mail at United Media, 200
Madison Ave., 4th Floor, New York, NY
10016.
Resenting restraint of car seat normal for 1-year-old
Q: I’m the proud father of a 1-year-old
baby girl. Every time we put her into her
car seat for a drive, she seems fine and
playful for the first few minutes but within
no time, she’s crying
for attention. She’ll
do the cry-stop-cry-
stop for as long as 20
minutes.
She’ll reach a
point where she’ll
just burst into con-
tinuous tears. My
wife and I have
tried toys, Cheerios,
cookies, singing and
even ignoring her.
The toys, food and
singing work for a
minute or two, but that’s it.
We’ve reached the point where we
dread going for drives. We know that she’s
OK because her diaper is dry, she’s well fed
L*'&
t
40-65*0/4

REAL SIMPLE SOLUTIONS
Creative uses for familiar products
New functions for old things
Hair elastic
Original purpose: Keeping a ponytail
in place.
Aha! use: Making better arrangements.
To keep all types of flowers in place in a
wide-mouth vase, stretch a clear hair elas-
tic around the stems, then let the flowers
fall naturally.
Reward: Beautiful blooms styled in a
snap.
Travel bottles
Original purpose: Transporting liquids
through airport security.
Aha! use: Preventing salads from go-
ing soggy. Store your favorite dressing in
a travel bottle until lunchtime, then pour
it on and toss.
Reward: Crispier carrots and firmer
frisee.
Wine cork
Original purpose: Helping a vintage
reach its peak.
Aha! use: Silencing cabinet doors that
slam. Slice a cork into thin disks and glue
them onto the inside corners of cabinets
to muzzle the closing noise.
Reward: A bit of quiet. (Let’s drink to
that.)
Glad Press’N Seal (reader tip)
Original purpose: Preserving leftovers.
Aha! use: Protecting fixtures during
home repairs. To keep dirt away from
vents, lamps and other household items,
just tear, press and seal.
Reward: Home furnishings don’t get
left in the dust.
— Lori C. Moffitt, Bedord, Texas
Rubbing alcohol
ing skin.
Aha! use: Relieving achy muscles.
Freeze one part rubbing alcohol and
three parts water in a resealable plastic
bag overnight to create a soft, comfort-
able gel pack.
Reward: You can save those frozen peas
for their intended purpose.
The primer: Olympics 101
The games have changed considerably
Tell the truth and be honest with mate
DEAR CAROLYN: In your opinion, what
is the difference between a “close friend-
ship” and an “emotional affair”? Is it sim-
ply sexual preference?
— Maine
DEAR MAINE: I
don’t think it’s that
simple.
If it’s just about
preference, then
you’re essentially
saying that no
straight man and
straight woman, for
example, can ever
be close friends
without it qualifying as an emotional af-
fair. That, of course, is just silly.
You’re also essentially saying that a
mere buddy — i.e., someone ruled out by
sexual preference from ever being a ro-
mantic interest — can never be a threat to
a relationship. That’s a dangerous if com-
mon assumption to make.
That’s because the issue isn’t the na-
ture, gender, hotness or even intent of the
extramarital confidant. It’s the fact of one.
and she’s not tired.
There is another issue as well. Our
daughter is a great eater when it comes
to formula and Cheerios. However, we’ve
been working on trying to give her solids
but with no success. Our daughter will
have minimal to no solids — I mean like
two to three pea-sized pieces of chicken/
tomato/cucumber, etc., max!
It seems that all the other kids her age
are eating quite well. We tried giving her
solids before her regular feeds (when she’s
hungry) but haven’t gotten anywhere.
I must mention that from 6 months of
age till 9 months, she was eating oatmeal
baby cereal once a day. She then reached
a point where she didn’t even want to see
the spoon coming toward her.
People tell us that she isn’t eating her
solids because we started solid feeding too
late. They all think we should have started
at 4 months instead of at 6 months.
— via e-mail
GEMMA COMAS AND JAMES MERRELL/FOR REAL SIMPLE
from their ancient beginnings in Olym-
pia, Greece, in 776 B.C. And while some
Olympic trivia seems to surface every time
the commentators have nothing else to
say, you probably won’t hear about these
memorable moments while watching the
29th Olympiad in Beijing this August. So
read on and let the games begin!
ȹ During the Paris games of 1900, a
Dutch rowing pair needed a last-minute
replacement coxswain, so they recruited a
French boy. The “international” team won,
but afterward, the unknown coxswain disap-
peared, and his identity remains a mystery.
ȹ U.S. runner Fred Lorz rode in a car
for much of the 1904 marathon in St. Louis.
Certainly married people need friends,
and certainly they will need to confide in
those friends occasionally to help them
make sense of something at home.
But when you’re saying things to out-
siders that you’d never admit to a mate —
when you put on an act at home, and save
your true feelings for when you’re safely
out of marital earshot — then the mar-
riage is in trouble. This is true when the
recipient of your honesty is a close friend,
an emerging love interest, your next-cube
neighbor or some stranger on a train.
It also doesn’t necessarily matter
what you’re being honest about. It’s still
a declaration that you no longer see the
truth as an option at home. That’s when
spouses are just roommates with match-
ing jewelry.
If this is your relationship, then keep-
ing your mate from his or her outlet isn’t
going to work. She’ll just find another.
The only answer is to encourage the truth
at home, by not punishing people who
speak it.
ȹ She complains the world is “too practi-
DEAR CAROLYN: For my British, tea-
drinking girlfriend’s 46th birthday, I
A: A two-fer!
First the car seat:
You are not alone. Babies were not de-
signed to be in car seats, no matter how
well car seats were designed to protect
them. Many 1-year-olds hate them. Their
energy is likely to be focused on getting up
and getting going. Whether they’re walk-
ing or not, at this age, children are intent
on moving, strengthening their muscles,
learning to balance and to experience the
world around them. So your baby is bound
to protest until she can get going again.
You say she’s crying for attention, but
it sounds like when you give it to her, it
doesn’t help. So it may be that she’s just
letting you know that she hates being re-
strained, and can’t wait to get out. Don’t
let her until you’ve arrived at your desti-
nation. But don’t worry. When she’s older,
and takes walking for granted, she won’t
mind sitting still as much as she does now.
In the meantime, she might be more
He crossed the finish line first with an out-
standing time but was later disqualified.
ȹ Also in 1904, athletes were awarded
gold, silver and bronze medals for the first
time. Before that, top finishers received a
silver medal and an olive branch. It wasn’t
until 1960, in Rome, that the medals were
hung around the athletes’ necks.
ȹ The women’s marathon became an
Olympic event only in 1984 — 56 years
after Olympic doctors claimed that women
who ran even 800 meters would “become
old too soon.”
ȹ
Products of the month
bought her an electric kettle that shuts
off when the water is boiled. She burnt/
melted the last two kettles after leaving
them on the stove too long. She is upset
that I would buy her a practical present.
(For her previous birthday, I made her an
erotic driving map of her body.)
We’re both creative people, but I often
play the straight man to her.
cal.” Is our dispute about the practical gift
a disguised attempt to control each other,
likely to settle if one of you can sit next to
her and soothe her.
The other possibility is that she may
be motion sick. Does it make a difference
if you drive more gently? You might try
a bottle for her to suck on to see if this
helps.
Next, the picky eating:
It sounds as if advice and criticism are
making you doubt yourself. Yet what you
describe can be right on track for many
children.
Nine months is the age when many in-
fants seem to announce to their parents
that they are ready to take over. They’ll
start grabbing for the spoon, and now that
they can, they’ll pick up food between fin-
ger and thumb and throw it on the floor. It
is time to start involving them in their own
feeding. Give them a spoon, and let them
try to shovel in their food themselves.
But at 1, or a few months later, many
children start making a fuss about feed-
Albany, New York ȹ TIMES UNION
Key holder, $14
Problem: “Argh! Where are my keys?”
Solution: Hang Umbra’s Magnetter by
the door and you’ll never ask again. The
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and the curved shape allows you to stash
outgoing mail. Available in natural and
espresso.
To buy: http://www.umbra.com.
Trivet, $24 for small and $30 for
large
Problem: You need the pot and the
trivet, but you can’t pick up both.
Solution: The Kuhn Rikon magnetic
trivet sticks to any metal pan and moves
with it from kitchen to table, so you don’t
have to make two round-trips.
To buy: http://www.factorydirect2you.
com.
Dish brush, $7
Problem: Your 2-day-old sponge smells
like last week’s dinner.
Solution: The Quickie Home Pro Liq-
uid Dispensing Dishwasher will never get
that funky mold-and-mildew odor. The
secret? Built-in Microban, an antimicro-
bial technology that keeps bacteria from
growing on it.
To buy: http://www.cvs.com for loca-
tions.
Caulk, $2 to $3
Problem: Half the tube of caulk dries
up and goes to waste.
Solution: Touch up the shower tiles or
the kitchen sink with one-use GE Caulk
Singles. Tear open the packet, fold in half
and squeeze to apply. Available in white
and clear silicone and acrylic.
To buy: http://www.lowes.com for lo-
cations.
Cleaner, $6 to $8
Problem: Refill bottles hog space un-
der the sink.
Solution: The Wonder Tablitz bottle
comes empty; you fill it with water and
drop in one of the three included tablets.
When you’re out, pop in another and re-
fill for a cleaning solution that’s easy on
landfills.
To buy: http://www.wondertablitz.
com.
—Real Simple magazine
and isn’t she a little old to be upset about
her birthday present? Should I come up
with another whimsical gift, or is that
feeding a bad dynamic?
— Montreal
DEAR MONTREAL: She may just not
appreciate a gift from her straight man
that dubs her the resident airhead.
If the tempest really is contained to the
teakettle, then there’s no harm in spotting
her this one tantrum.
But a power struggle demands a differ-
ent approach. You can tell it’s one by the
familiarity — when you’ve had this fight
before, these frustrations before, these
questions before. You can tell when you’re
keeping score.
If this is one, then your options are just
to accept it, break up with it, or change
your contribution to it. They’re all sur-
prisingly effective, though, since each be-
gins with your dropping your end of the
rope.
ɀ E-mail Hax at tellme@washpost.com, or
chat with her online at noon each Friday
at http://www.washingtonpost.com.
ing. If you try to force them, you’ll lose.
You are right about the pea-sized pieces
of food. Just put a few of these on her
table at a time. That way, she won’t be
overwhelmed, and when she hurls them
overboard, you can just start again. Many
children need to be introduced to the same
new food over and over before they’ll give
it a try and many more times before they
can accept the taste and texture.
If your pediatrician can check her out,
and offer vitamin and iron supplements,
you’ll be able to relax, and avoid the strug-
gles that tend to make picky eating worse.
The best part — that no matter what,
you are a proud father! Congratulations.
ɀ Dr. Joshua Sparrow contributed to this
column. Send questions or comments to Dr.
T. Berry Brazelton and Dr. Joshua Sparrow,
care of The New York Times Syndicate, 500
Seventh Ave., 8th Floor, New York, N.Y.
10018. E-mail to: nytsyn-families@nytimes.
com.