>>CORPORATE LESSON #1: >> >>A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up >>her

shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing >>over >>which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, >>quickly >>wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the >>door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. >> >>Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $ 800 just to drop >>that towel that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the >>woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. Bob has a >>close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly >>leaves. >> >>Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back >>up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back to the >>bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?" >> >>"It was Bob the next door >>neighbor," she replies. >> >>"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he >>owes me?" >> >>MORAL OF THE STORY: Share critical credit information with your >>stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure! >> >>***** >>CORPORATE LESSON # 2 >> >>A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, >>he >>stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got >>in and >>crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. >>The >>priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the >>car, he >>stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and >>immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" >> >>The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced >>himself >>to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from

>>her leg. >> >>Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg >>again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" >> >>Once again the priest >>apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is >>weak." >> >>Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful >>glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the >>priest >>rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said,"Go >>forth and seek; further up, you will find glory." >> >>MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job; or, you >>might miss great opportunities! >> >>***** >>CORPORATE LESSON # 3 >> >>A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the >>CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his >>hand. >> >>"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important >>document and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" >> >>"Certainly, Sir"said the young executive. He turned the machine >>on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. >> >>"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared >>inside the machine."I just need one copy." >> >>MORAL OF THE STORY: Never, never assume that your BOSS knows >>everything. >> >>***** >>CORPORATE LESSON # 4 >> >>There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a >>French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the >>bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him >>out of the bottle,he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I >>will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and >>jump, you shout What you want the pool of water to become, then

>>your wish will come true." >> >>The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and >>shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. >>The >>Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. >> >>Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" >>and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. >> >>The >>German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so >>contented with his beer pool. >> >>The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when >>suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and >>shouted, "SH** !!!!!!!........." >> >>MORAL OF THE STORY: Mind your language; you never know what it will >>land you in. Story # 1 It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk. Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken" Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you" Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more." Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed" Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches" Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed" The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun. Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken" Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you" Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV. Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?" The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene : Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself. Moral : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES. Management Lesson in the context of the working world : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES Story # 2 It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippytapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk. Fox: "What are you working on?" Rabbit: "My thesis." Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?" Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes." Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes! Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!" They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit. Wolf: "What's that you are writing?" Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves." Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?" Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?" The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing? Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears." Bear: "Well that's absurd !" Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you" Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion. Moral: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR. Management Lesson in the context of the working world: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT

Lesson One: An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two: A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Management Lesson: Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. Lesson Three: A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He laid there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Management Lesson: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

What does your Boss think of you ? A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he saw a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please". The dog has money in his mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn.

They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided. Along comes a bus. The dog walks around to the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now, open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth. Well, the dog and the butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and again, it throws himself against it. There's no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the window, and beats his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him,! And swearing at him. The butcher runs up, and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" To which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key." Moral of the story You may continue to exceed onlookers' expectations but shall always fall short of the bosses' expectations.