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Cruprrn1

Emotions:The

FUII-SystemResponse

Whatarcemotions?Are thet thoughts?Are

chestwhenyou fall in love?Emotionsarea full_s),ste,mrespons"

factorsandexperiences,arrdtheyincluciebodjly-eE!!!tio"s, 'rhe tig !p-in, ind your thoughts.

all of thesc

thevfcelings?Arethcythepoundrnglll yollr

n*pii.ing

erno|ere,andmeansio

moveout,agLrate,or

*'ord rrroiio,itselfcomesfromtheLrfin

exciie.Thisis whereour Iinglishtvord

theconnection'''ith thcword

movementor acti(D.EmoiionsnrcofteFlhDrghtof.s

,,motion,, comesIrom,andof corrrse\ ou cnnsee

e,'rotionsgetstirrerlup,iheytring about

-.tncth.feeli.gor sc.iinre.t,but.ts ttE.

,'flnoiion. !\rhi:n

ri"r rrrll com,l. \ce. tlter'rp,rrLrchnrcr.,rc,,nrf.t

Havevouevernoticedthatwhenyou,te eDroiionalyou

.

situation. you

haveccrtainthoughtsnssoci_

niglrt thinktilirrvou

nare

ntedwith eachcmotion?lf vou,reangry,for erarrple.you

someone/or thatyorl hatea

unfair," "l'm in

thorlghts-including

mighthirvethoughtssuchas, ,,This is so

lookatholv

cl;ingcr," "They ha'eit in forrnc.,,ln alaterchaptcrrvewill

intcrpretations,judgmcnts,

andbeiiefs-har:e iheponer.lo influence

theemotionsthatyou leelandihcinkrnsiivof thosecmoti(Ds.

.

ln additionio thor.rghts,youexperienccphvsicalurgcsor agitation. you mrllnrl{nnt

kisssontcone.I.hat,sbecausethefe,sil

to hit somelhing,brrvsomething,rtln atvav,or

ph\.sioloeicalcomf(metrttoe lotion.FIerearel$,oothcreramplesof

col11Ponent.Crvingis a physiological actjvitvassociitedrnosihlrvithsaclncssanrlgrief,

thisphysiological

10

Dont Ltt Yo r En.jtiansRull YaurLiJt

but .lsowith happiness,nsin "tears ofjoy."And in lhecrseof anxictyylrrrnraynolicc thatyou havebutterfiicsin vourstomach,cspeciallyu'henyouhave!o speakin iront of a crowd,takean exam,c{ealwith your boss,or asksomeoneout on a date. Whenyour emotionslight up, so doesyour whole body.A &iqlo.Ec'1/corrrplrrrhas bcenactivatcd.Youmaytakeoff iutu-,ingwhcnyou'rescart'd,hrrgsomeonervhenyoLr're happy,getarousedwhenyou feellor,e,andso on.1lrebiologicalcompiexrefersto the factthatwhenyouexpcrienccemotionstheycomealivein thccomplctcncss 'rf.r lrrgger- jng cvent,neurochemicnlactivityin thebrain,physiologicalactionof thcn.,rvoussystcnt, respiratoryand circulatorysystems,thoughts,and overtactions. Soemotionis thoughtandfeelingal1ddispositionto act.Thereis no emotionwith- out thoutht, and no thouShtwithout emotion.And lr'heiethereis emotionthereis.n readiressfol action.Emotionis a complexandintegrateds)stem,a ['holc, a gestalt.Ench partof thervholeismutuallyinterdependentandthepartscooPeritcwith oneanothcr synergistically.Thinkingper seis part of feeling,andfeelingper seis part of thinking. InformationprocessedcoFitively affectsemotionalstatcs,andplin1aryautomaiicemo- tionalresponsesaffectcognition,or thinkingprocesses.And within thisk)talmatrixis the activityof overallbrainandbodvphysiologicalaciivity.Tlrai'swhy in thisu'orkbookthe skills vou will learntargetthinking(cognition),emotion(affect),anciothcrfcclingsand urges(physiologicalrrrgesandactivity).

Observablesand Unobservables

Emotionresear.herandtheoristArnoldLazanrs (1991) describest$'ocatesoricsrcl,rteclto

humanemotionalexpefiences,which he cailsofsc['allesalrc]arro&serrr4l,/rs.L)bservables

canbeseenbv pcopiearoundyou.Theyaret!_orfrt

evidcncethatyoll arcexpencncnlg

emotion.HereareLazams'sfourclassesof fbservables:r

L Actions

.

o

.

.

Attack

Avoidance

Facialcxpressions

Posture

Physiologicalreactions

o

r

.

.

Autonomicner\-or1ssvstem

Neurologicalrcactionsand actility

Cjeneralbrainactivity

liomlonal sccretions

3. What peoplesay

.

.

Actualcontent ("1 hateyou" or "l love votl')

Toneof r.oice(soft,tense,sarcastic,raiseC)

ll,,rrtiflrsrlr.

Il,l/ S!,sto,?Ii.s|o,rs.

11

. Telling others what you feei (sad,happy, nntry)

l. Lnvironmenlllevcnlsand (onlerls

.

.

Socialcontext(dinner,medicalrppointment,fornralor inforrnal)

Cultural (racial,qender, and locarc:eftinqs)

.

Ph)'sjcalel'ents (war, chtuch ser.rce,iornaLlo,i'ic )

ljere arc Lazams' five classes,,fi;;;;;i;E,\

\_-+

:

1.

Action tendencies

2.

.

.

.

Urte- and impul-(,5lto run. rlrt(1.r.rll i.rl, ,r:.U.:.lt.rrtrel0

A senseof readiness(psychedior the big gamc)

N{af or lnay not be a.lcd on

.

i\,lal-or mav not be recognizcdbt vou rvhen iou crPericncethenr-

Subiecfiveemotionalexpe ences

. WhJl )ou or It,el thatn',,'n' ,1.{-r. J\\.rf,,rl

J.

ler.on-environmentrel.llionchips

.

.

.

.

Motives and beliefsof .rn indiviciuai per-.on

Demandsof the en,.ironment(lr,ork,schooi,religiorrscornrnunify,famihJ

Fnrir.nmcnrnl

rfp^rl.

re\nrrrces,rnJc,r,:trrinl\

How an indivirlual'smotivesandbclicfsinteractrlith thcdrntandsoi. environment

giverl

4" Coping process

o

ilorv you copewilh sfresses

.

lvhat l-ou use to cope lvith slross

5. Appraisalprocesses

.

.

.

Expect,rncyof selfand environmentin rcl.lion to onc another

Judgmcnts and rssessmentsof well being

Interptetationsandphilosophiesabouihoiv thingsareworking,a tl hor.vthey should rvork

The obsen'abiesare casierto spot becarL-sethey'reovert nnd ob\,rousb vorr ,rnd oth- ers.Btrtif you're a higlilyreactiveperson,you nraynot bcarvareof iheseobservablcsanri ho$'they afiect yorlr relatonshipsto oiherpeopleat home,ir school,or al u,ork_Also, the nore subtleobservablcs,suchas postureand facialexpressionTntiv 1ellulrrntorf

deadl")or what loLr .lo (tilrorv ir

atterltionthan\vhat1ou -sny(tellingsomeonc, plate on the floor).

'Drop

12 Dotl't Let Yolr

EtttotiatsR

tl'{otLr Lit'e

Someobsen'ab1e{actorsincludeeventsin your environmentthat affect )'our emo- tions.We'll considerthesefactorslvhen$'e 8ct to ti'tccxelcisesrelaiedto rt'ducingyorrr vulnerabilitiesand buikiing awarenessk) the relationshipLrfthe environmentto yotll emotions. Lazarusincludesthingslike hormonesecretionsand brain activjty as observable bccausescientistscanobsetveandmeasurethemwith theriShiinstlumentsWe'il touch on theroletheyplayin theiife of vour emotions,br.rtthisbookwon't haveyorrmonitor- ing the secretjonof endofphjnsor serotoninor your brain'selectrochemicalactivity As for the trnobservables,I will su8SestsomeexerciscsthatsPecificallyhe,lpbuild arvarenessof these,as they'reoftenoff our personalradarscrecnTheseincllldebeing

rrindful to

increasing -your powcrtc decidewhetheror not yotllvill acton theurge Remember,yorr

have your orvninternalexpetiencethat no onecan see,and thereare timeswhen it's

important tg let oihels $ol!

ersnay not

a negafivelvay and,vounevertell them,hurt canbuild rip andmightendin your telling

actionleidenciesor urges,kno*'ingwhat you havenn urgcto do, and

It canbetoughto do this.oth-

\ow_t$ ry.!]3lX9!'{:lelliils.

Butif theycontinue10aflectyouin

)our

"8et" theeffecttheiractionshaveoiryou

thernoff and hrlrting the relationshiP

]ust

asoihersdon't tnrly kno$'whatourmotivesor bclicfsarc,lverarelytrr.rlyknorv

theirs.Also m)'stcriousis the n'ay in u'hich your and others'motivesinteractlvith

demandsof theenvironment (.ommunitYstandnrds,religious,molai,economic'ctc.)and

whethcrenvironmentalfaclorssen'easto bolstcrot stlessyou ,rndothcrs.Finally,there

arecopingand appraisal Processes, .rnd theway rvechoseto deal lvith problemsand

demandsandwhatrvc cxpectoI ourselves,andoihers.Thesealsohaveto do lvilh how we judgeand interpret PeoPie's actionsandsituations. As,voucansee,emotionsarequitecomplexin manyrc-qPects.Butdon'tlet thiscom- plexitvovenvhelmvou. JLrst takethisrvorkbookonechaPterat a time.'fakctimeoutio do theexercises.Rereada fervchapters.Discussihe materiallvilh frjcnds,familv,clergy,

ot a theraPrst.

The Fusionof Emotionsand Thoughts

Are emotionsand thoughtsseparatefrom oneanotht'ror are they reallyjirst the sarne thing?For the purposeof this rvotkbook,I think it's importantto note that thereis a strongconnectionbctweenemotionsandihouthts,or whatmentalhealthprofessionals callcotriirrTrs. Sincelve'vebccntalkingaboutemotionasa full-systemrcsponsc,!\'c carlsaythat emotionconsistsof parts,or rsevcna partoi the*hole of a pelson.You'reprobrblv accustomcdto speakintof your cnotions as being ciifferentthan yorrr thoughts.But thinkingandelJrotionarcmoreaccr.lratelytho',rghtof asbeingy'rscd.lVe talk aboutthem asdistinctfromoneanotherin orderto betterrnderstandtheirrolesasfespcctirepartsof thewholesysterlr.Laterin thebook,you rvill learnandpracticeskilisrclatftl specifical11' to your thoughts. ThereasonI menfionthatthoughtandcrnotionarL'rea]l1'ftiseclis thatwhenyou lcaursomeof theskillsin thisbook,it canbehardtotcllif your thoughtscomebeforeor aftercmotions.That'snot a vesorno proposition,lrr:carrsttl1oughtssometimecome

i.Ilotions:Thr fr/lslsh',

R.n,drsr

13

beforeemotions,lvith emotions,and.lfter emotiurs.Thoughtsdo influenceyour emo- tionsand emotionalstatesinfluenceyoul thouthts.

"Raging Steve":A Taleof Driving

llfre's a saenaiothatilhrsuat{rstheintelplaybchvccncmoiion,nction,andiheenviron-

ml:nt,andshorvshorva prilnlry

narv anrlsecondarycmotjonsin chaptea3.) l.et'ssupposeth:rt&'hiledri,ingho." ttoln,,r,c,rkoneaftemoon,Stevegctscutoff bv.rnotherdrir,cr.At firsthefcelssomcan\iety,lvhicirtiiggersanappropriatercactjonl "What

kr steerclearof theothercar.llilt withrna iew seconcis,Stevestartsthinking,

rmotioncarlsparh; secondarvone. iWe'll i'ovcrpri

a

jerklThatgrrvdid thaton pr.rrposel"and "No oncshoulddriveiikethatl"llis anxir:I1' gilesuay to anter,angerbegcisaggression,andprcttysoonSteveis chasingthcothcr cardolvnthehjghlrayat70mph.ButtheothcrLlrilcr gctsar{ny.lVhv?llecarrse.rcophas

pullcdSteveovcrandischarginghinr1vilhseveralviolations,inclirdingspeeding.failing

k) -\rgnnl,etc. In tile abovcsk)ry,Stcvcrightfullvcxpcricnccsf(]ar,but thenhis tlrinkjnt gctsthe betterofhimonceheislockedontohisassumptionsth.rtfiis nlan$,asoutio gethimspe- .ificaliy.andthattl'tiskinclofdrrvings/totildttcicrhappen.llis ihoughtscolnpoundedhis cmotiol]s,nndkrld h1mhe necdcdkr shon ihatjcrk a thing or h{o aboutgoodclrir'ing. Hisangerwasrcinforcedby angrvbchaviors,likeaggressir,erlr'iving.N otnoticinE,lnvof thrs,hemurdlesslyandimpulsrveiychaserdafterlhe otherdriver.Youcanseeihat it ln,rs

Sier,c'sthinkingihatcontinuedtopromptandnla1ntain,nndcvcnintensif\',hls.rntcr.

WhethcrSteversrightor rvrongforgcttingrngrvisn'titnportant.Whatmatiershere is that1isinclitnationnt iheolherperson'sunsafedriving1edhim tobecomeanunsafc

driverhimsclf,anciresultedin aspL,L'dingtickct.In ihcen11,histhinkrnglcdtoincffccti\.e bchaviorsthatmadcthcsituaii(nl$'orsc.

lVeali havethoughtsthatfirelvith emotions

lfthcvcomenftera

llrnnrrr)'emotion,

thrv thenma_yploducea mort:compli!!tc{

Tanil.,IiL;;i

f," asiightio

.,"rfiaie

lcarnerl --:qgl"!].il}li.!l,q_t1al4l rc,spurrsc,like

,,,.nihi. topeq.we

lespecialll' r* ""iiii"iil

',r'hether

can'thelpit.Ilvalllationsaborltourivell-being,

factorinioouremoiionalrcsponscsarrdaffcctourconnectionwith otherinriiviclualsanrl ourcommunities.Thcrearetimesrvhenvournighirerctilith a-]utlgmei.tuniiG.p,Jii) tjonabouia sihratiollthatrvill triggeremotionor intensilvemotionlI:r,! blt nfrilcijalr.rii

forsrrrr,ivalorsocialstanding,do

Yorlc,l1lldsaythatSteve'sfr.rllststemwasfiringon nnecran(lfantplngulr kr raEe.

The Tidesof Emotion

Emotionsdon'tlastJore\'er,althorghsomelastlongerthanothcrs.i\lso,theintensiivof.r givencmotionvariesfrompersontoperson,antlcanvarvfromoncsifunti(rnto,ll'tothcr. It dependson or.ucrlrrentler,eloI skillfrrlnlcssin handiinficmotionnnL]othcf facbrssuclr asrcst,hcalih,task-rrlatcdstr€ss,andslppolt.Likethetirl.sof thcoctan,enrotionsebb andflorv,thevcomeandgo;ihcy'retrnnsitor)'.ThisisimFofinlltlo renembcrwh('n\,o1r firrdvourselfin .n emotionnlmaelsirom.If !'or.r forgclth,rtyorLr enn)tions(lon't l-rt

11 Dotl't Let yo|/

Eflolio s R n Yotlt ,.it'e

forever, )'ou mry bemoreIlely to actimpulsivelywhen Jou're emotionAl.Blrtif vodre

ableto tell l,rurself, iI] thchert.,f themcment, "This

tooshallpass,,,yodli be a step

closerto moreeffectiveemotionregulation.You.an titenopeni1pa varietyof optionsfor action,and stretchJ'-ourrvillin$lessio practiceyour nel{ skills. If you heatup like a microrvaveovenan<lcooldown like a con\.entionalone,\,ou maynoticethatit seemslikeanelelnityto cooldolvn,anclas vou,recoolingdorvn, vou,re still highly vulnerableto thenext trigger. In theexampleof Stevetheaggressivedriver,he*.ashrghlyangryandngitatcd,so beingpulledoverfor a tick€twill trigge.otheri:moiions.Sinceheis still nrousedjust fol_ lowinghiscarchase,if he'snotcareful,thisneweventcoulclspikehiscurrentangereven further.Themorelntensetheemotion,themoredysretulatcrlSteveicels.i le coultlmake

thingsworseyet by swearingat lhe policeofficeror compLainingthat thev har-emorc importantcrimesto trackelorvn.lI Steveishopped-upnn.aif"rnt o'rhasnt e.ttcnwell,his biologicalvulnerabilityrvill be evenhigher,makinghis dysrcgulationmorc scvere.(Tn chapter10,you will learnspecificskillsfor decrcasingyour vulnerabilities to theseand otherfacto$.)

Reflectingon the Ebband Flow

Takesometimeto reflccton ihe lasttimeyou expetienceLlstrongcmotDn.Wasit today?

,ill notice,if you reflect,

thatyour emotionsvary irl how strongtheyfeel.Onemomeni ),ou canbefuriousenough

to throw things,and only momentslaier feelI taclupset.

Yesterday? Just a few momentsago?I{rheneverthat wasyou

Anger

Thirlkof a timewhenyou weresonngtythat

thought ),ou wercgoingto slve.rr

orpunchthem.Thinkaboutvournngnestmoment

),ou

or throrvsonethingatsomeone.ot hii ever,lvhateverthat might be for you.

Sitrationl

Yourthoughtsaboutthesituationat thetinj

Tntensrt)of ilngLr(0-100J1

(horvdid you lnt"rp,"tiey

Describe_theoutcomesanctcor.rsequences at thattime(rverethingsthesanrc,nraccllorse, or madebetter?):

Horv long did it takeyou io cooldol\'n?

Seconds(holl. many?):

Ivlinutes(hc,wnrany?):

Hours (horvmany?):

A clayor more(hon'

manvt):

When you coolcddo$'rr,

rvhat r\,as

Sndness

ijrorotrs I/rc frii!SvslrrT R.sf.,!!r

th" .rrpngil)nf vc,r'crrrll,'n rLJ-:0Ul:

1 t

Think of a time rvherlyou *'ere so sad rhat nll voll wantedto do r\.as'(r\,,!!,jlhdra$',

avorclothers,mope,

saddestmomentever,\\,hate!erthatmight be for vou.

and be absorbedin sad

poems,i_nusic,or

Siluation:

movies.Ihink ahrLrt your

Your thou8htsaboutthe sihlationai the time (horvdielvou inkrrpleiit?):

Intcnsity of s.rJness (fr-lOU ):

IJescribe

the outcomesanciconsequcncesat that iime (rvcrcthings thesamc,madervorse,

ormade better?):

Horvlongdid it take you

to get backto your normalmood?

Seconds (how many?):

Minutes(ho\\'many?):

Hours(hou'many?):

\ J,rr,'r rrrr'rnllror rlrrr'l

lvhen yotl chteredrlp, rvilatlras the slrr:ngtliof your sndness?((!100):

Fenr

Think of a timc rvhenyorl lveresofearfulthatallyou rvarliecito do 1\,Ishide,witir- drarv,avoiclothers,panic,or frcakout.lhink aboutycr.lrmostfearflllmoment,lvhatcver thai ni8ht be for r,ou.

Situation:

Your thoughtsaboutthc sihlationat the time (hol'tlid

lntensityof feir (0100):

yorr

16 Dott'tLe! yow Ennti.'tsRutl \ta r Ltft

Dcscribethe outcomcsand consetluencesat thai time (.!verethngs the same,nade rvorse,

or nadebetter?):

Horv long did it take\'oli to cooidown?

Seconds(howmany?):

Minutes (how many?):

Hours (how many?):

A day or more (hon nany?):

\Mren you relaxed,what lvas thc strengthof vour ftar? (0,100):

Loue

Think of a timc rvhenyou l{cre so fillccirvith lo\'c that .rl1you tvankr.lrc do r{ils think aboutthepersonvou loved,encourageothers,telLflicndsand famjlvgood thjngs aboutthemselvesand life, or daydrcamaboutbeartiful thints. Think about yotr nlost intenseexpcrienceof 1ove,whateverihat might-trefor r'ou.

Situation:

Your thoughtsaboutthe situationat ihc time (horr iiitl vou tllicrpr.t it?):

Intensltvof love(0-100):

Describetheottcomesandconseq!cncesat thattime i\r{tre thingsthesame,mndcr\,orse, ormadebetter?):

How long did it takcyor.tto get backto your normal mood?

Seconds(hovrmanv?):

Minutes(ho\\,many?):

Hours(horvmanv?):

A day or more(ho}\' man)?):

Whenyourfeclingof love

levelodoff, $,hatlr'asthe strngthof lole ((|100):

t

I

I

t

I

I

t

Happiness/loy

Thinkof a timcwhen lou

L11t.iit1s lht flll

Svslflrr R.itl)rs.

i

l

cresohappythatail VorlJid "!asiaugh,you cheeredrrp

othersaroundyou,and you felt strong,confideni,and posltive.Jlink aboutrour mosr

happvor joyful momcntcvcr,lrhatel,erlllat mighi be for 1,ou.

Situation:

Yolrr ihoughtsaboutthe siiuatlon.t the timc (how dicl"ou

ltcrpretit?):

lntensitvof happiness/ jov (0-100):

I)escrrbetheoutcomcsandaonscquencesat that time (were thinlls ihe sa e, mnde \\,orse, or nade better?)l

Horv long clid ii takeyou to "come dorvn"or gct backio louf normal mooLl?

Scconds(l'rorvmeny?):

Nlinutes(ho$'manY?):

Hours(hoI\'many?):

A day or more(hor{ manv?):

l\4rcnyou "came down,"lvhatwasthestrengthof happincss/jov(0.100):

EmotionStates,Traits,and Moods

Ai ?inatiotlslnleis that .liscieteaffe.iive iloment wh.n you cnn sa)', "l fcel nnger." It is transicnt,part of theebbar-rtlflorv rvc mcntjone,::labo,,e. A\\ cmoliotl,.dilis nlore endulltrg .rndis charactcsticof a pcrsorr.If you tendto respondkr situ.tions!,riihfrllstrati(DanLl

emoiion,.rltt

nnger,you mighi sa)', "1'm an angryperson."To (luolc l-nznrusasni ,

refer-sto n charactedsticof a pet-son,antl sois not rcallvan e 1olion,brrta r/isTrosrfio,lor

"An

ienLlencvto rc.actrvith one" (1991, 46).

Yorrmay havea pirticlllar cmotionthatyou cxperiencL'nroreoftenthnnothcrctro,

"s.rd

person,"nn

"angrv

person,"or

a

as a

"happy person."A "happy person,"isn'talwa!sanLicvcr.r )rappyperson,sitrcethevtlo in frct fcelanger,sadness,antlanriety.Weall do.r\ happr personis n pcrsonrvhoseems

tions.lrolksaroundvor nav knorv you

moregcrrernllyhappv,andpe1ll;1p5respondsto ihc \rorld rvrlhnrorcpositir.e.rctlons,utd iho ghtsaboutrvhatirappcns,ouicomes,and iherribilitv 1{)(lL'al \!,iih challcngts.An nnxiouspersonis someone\-ho ienelsto tesFondio c)1allcngcs,or cvcn the ihoughtof

challenges,rvith

dominantly1{oirisonlethoLrghts.rnd.ctions.L.ikehappt'pt'ople,rnrious peoplcdon't feel oniy anxiety.Thev also fccl joy, 1ove,and .rnEerAr\ioLrs pcoplec.n .rlsohdve drermsanclhopcful thorlgjits.

u,ofl-y.This is lhe "worr\,_r!

1rt," an,:1an anxiouspcr-sonlral. have pre

18 DoI't Lc! fo|r

Erioliins RL!1four Lift

Finally,thcrearcnoods.Basically,moodsareemotionsthatsticknroundforl re,rlll longtirne.Andjustasa happypersonwill feelangeror sadnessandan.rnxrouspersnn rvill feeltheernotionof happiness,a happvpersoncanhavca bluc or deprcssednood, perhapsdue to illnessor.ircumstances.Arrd u'hile someemotjonssticknroundlongef than others,they tendnoi to iast forever.h{oodsthatbecomepredominantand stick aroundtoolongbecomentooddisorders,sr.rchessevereandchronicdepresslon,or gcner;r1- rzedanxictydisorder.

As you practicetheskrilsin thiswoikbook,

)ou'll

finclit il'lportantto increase youf

ncverfeelhappy,life

awarenessof lherangei-rf emotionsihaiyou fr:el.If )or fe a happt person,il canseemas

thoughyounever tet angry.If you'reaworr)'wart,in monrentsof anxret)'itcanseemas

thoughyou neverfceihdppy.Cettingstuckon.' thoLlthtsuchas "l

alrvaJssucks,"will perpeluateanxietyor sadness,andlvill inevitablya{fectyour emo-

tionalstate. Hercis a listof corrcspondingstates,trajts,andmoods.

.

.

State:Love

State:Fear

.

.

.

Trait;Lovingor caring

Trait:Fearful

TraltrAngrv

I

!1ooc1:Euphoria

. Nloocl:Anxiety

. \'food: Irritable

The ]oy Will

En{ but SoWill the Pain

As lorr rvorkthroughtheexer.isesrn tlrisbook,I hopeyot l'ili rcmcrnbcrthatemotion comesand 8oes. That'simportantto knowbecauseit canhelpkeepvotr from becoming overlyexpectantto feclgoodall oi thetime.Suchexpectationshevitablyieadto disap- pointment,and you mav evencon,<ideryourselfa failurcat havingtlte goodlife, as it lvere,andperhapsincluceunnecessarycmotionalsuffering.Conversely,rvhenvorlre clis- traughtor dysregulat€d,andalrcadysuffering,vou canreorurclyourselftlratvour pain lvill stopeventually. Just likethepositiveandpleasantemotions,thepainfuionesrvill alsoend.Neitherpositivenor negativeemotionslastforever. If you'rea personrvho$,ishestl'reycoulclfeelgooda1lcf thetime,vou'renot alone. But that'snot theorderof things,that'snot re:rliiy.Acceprthosenegalivetines along lvith thegoodancipositive,becauseyorrcan'thaveoncwithout thcother. Just asthereis nightandday,thereis sadnessandhappiness.Thebiologicelcomponcntsof cmottonand theparisof yourbrainthatlet rou feelemotionandreceiyeali of theimportantrniorma- tion that comesthroughthat svstemrequirethat you feclbolh p'.rinand joy.