Caring as Violence Prevention

By Jane Gilgun

This article is about Cho Seung-Hui, the young man who murdered 32 people at Virginia Tech more than three years ago. What I said then still stands. We can substitute another name, such as Pericles Clergeau, a young man who recently murdered a service provider at a shelter. In both cases and in uncounted others, the story is the same: troubled young people who do not receive the care they require. In the meantime, politicians slash budgets for services for young troubled young people. They obviously dont care about consequences. Caring is violence prevention. About the Author Jane F. Gilgun, Ph.D., LICSW, is a professor, School of Social Work, University of Minnesota, Twin Cities. She does research on why some people develop violent behaviors and others do not. See Professor Gilguns other writings on violence on scribd.com, Kindle, and iBooks. She also writes childrens stories and articles and books on a variety of other topics.

Caring as Violence Prevention

iolence prevention requires a community of caring persons. One person alone cannot do it. There are many ways to prevent another tragedy like the tragedy at Virginia Tech in April 2007.

The following are suggestions for what we as responsible adults can do. We have to create a culture of caring. Plain and simple. Cho Seung-Hui, the young man who murdered 32 people at Virginia Tech, was teased and mocked in elementary and secondary school. He was a child who rarely spoke, and when he did, he had a heavy Korean accent and a deep voice. Many other children thought this hilarious. They made fun of him and picked on him. Many people would never tease a vulnerable person like Cho, but many do. They think its funny. They get a huge laugh out of tormenting others. Bystanders, too, may enjoy themselves. Not everyone, of course, picks on others for the fun of it. Many of us who would never do this also have no idea what to do to get other people to stop teasing other people. We have to resist thinking making fun of others is hilarious funny and that the kids who get mocked deserve it. There are some efforts to teach children not to tease and bully others and efforts to teach children what to do if they see other children bullying and teasing others. These efforts, however, have not penetrated very far. Sometimes the very programs intended to stop bullying then bully the bullies. This shows that adults do not understand how to be set limits and to encourage other behaviors that get similar results but dont hurt others. Too many of us know how to intimidate other people, but we dont know how to stand up for others and encourage prosocial behaviors while discouraging antisocial behaviors. Imagine what might have happened if everyone in Chos life worked together to figure out how to connect with Cho. Even in the weeks before he committed his atrocities, he still wanted to connect. He stalked girls. He took pictures of them under desks and tables. These actions showed he wanted to connect but didnt know how. These intrusive efforts at connections failed. His desire for connection turned to frustration to rage to murder to selfdestruction. Is this what we want? What if, when Cho was a child, when he was even more eager to connect, that there had been several people who had taken the time to get to know Cho, to get to know what he liked to do, what interested in him. What if someone said, Hey, Cho, want to go to the movies, to a baseball game, birding, or whatever it was he like to do? What if Cho had connected with someone when he was a child, how different his life would have been.

He might have learned the simple, easy steps to connection. He might have realized that everyone wants to connect. People who have a long history of experiencing connection to others know how to build on-going connections because it is second nature. That is what we have to build in all children: capacities to connect to others as second nature, as natural as falling asleep at night and waking up in the morning. Whenever a child appears to be lonely, alienated, and the butt of jokes, the whole community must respond with care and compassion. Children, teenagers, adults, parents, teachers, police, whoever might know of a sad and lonely child must be prepared to connect with this sad, alone child. The child needs to feel connected to others. It takes a village. References Gilgun, Jane F. (2010). The prevention of sexually abusive behaviors. http://www.scribd.com/doc/19403487/Preventing-the-Development-of-Sexually-AbusiveBehaviors Gilgun, Jane F. (2010). Why they do it: Beliefs and emotional gratification lead to violent acts. http://www.scribd.com/doc/30778872/Why-They-Do-It-Beliefs-Emotional-GratificationLead-to-Violent-Acts Sontag, Deborah (2011). Teenagers path and a killing put spotlight on mental care. New York Times, August 3, pp. A1, A17-A18.