I think if I were to begin my story, itd begin when I was about fifteen years old.

I was a sophomore in high school, I had a pretty typical life in the grand scheme of things. I went out with my friends on Friday nights, got grounded when I got bad grades, and really just tried to have a good time without thinking about much else. The thing was, though, that the people I befriended in high school probably werent the best influences- they were all the kids that your parents dont want you hanging around. They never did drugs, or binge drank, but they did have casual sex and were really obnoxious and at times hurtful to teachers and the public in general. We thought it was funny, after all, we werent doing drugs, or anything illegal really, so it was all okay. But one day my friends decided they didnt want me around anymore. To this day I still dont really know why, but sometimes you never really do, I guess. Anyway, my parents were concerned. Being a teenager is hard enough as it is, but I had just come out of my first major death (my grandmother) and was fragile to begin with. So, my mom went to her best friend, who said that her niece and nephews were involved in a youth group and thought itd be a good idea if I went with them one night. When my mom pitched the idea to me, I was hesitant, but accepting of it. I wanted to meet new people and start over, and this seemed like a good way to do that. But there was one problem- they were the Christian kids. The sheltered ones who had no idea what was going on in the world. Why would they befriend someone like meand more importantly, would I really be happy befriending someone like them? So, weeks passed, I continued going to the youth group. But there was something missing- something I didnt understand. I always considered myself a Christian, after all, I believed in God and I considered myself to be a pretty good person, so I thought I was set. But there was so much that I didnt understand. All of the people around me were so happy, almost like they had nothing to worry about. There was an altar call one night at youth group, I went up, prayed to the God I believed in, and just thought about what exactly I wanted and what I was doing. After that, a youth leader who I had began to get to know eventually prayed with me and I accepted Christ. During my first year as a Christian, I struggled. I struggled to live two lives- my church life and my high school life. I still got in trouble occasionally, and even got suspended during that time period. I dated non-Christian guys and was pressured into doing things I regretted. I was almost ashamed to call myself a Christian because of the backlash my friends would give me. I really didnt know how to go about it. Not only that, but I knew my family would think it was strange and somewhat cultish, so I didnt tell them either. This continued until that summer.

The summer I turned 16, roughly six months after accepting Christ, my spiritual mentor was about to leave for the Army. I was scared, I was scared because I never really knew God apart from her. Whenever I had a question, I would go to her and she would give me an answer. I was about to lose that, and I didnt know what to do about it. That was when I got serious about my relationship with God. I think in that case, it was now or never. I could either know God through another person, or I could know God myself. I started reading scripture on my own, I began to listen to Christian music and I even went to a few concerts with Christian metal bands. I built myself up to a point where even when my spiritual mentor did leave, Id be okay on my own. But through the first year she was gone, I developed a lot of anger over the situation. I was angry that things werent the same as they used to be- I didnt have that crutch to lean on anymore and it bothered me. Eventually I got over it, and we still keep in touch every now and then to this day. After that, I began going all out for God. I started telling my story to everyone I knew- I grew up. I got my first job at 16, and still work there at 20 years old. I applied to colleges, getting into one of the top Christian colleges on the East Coast. I was finally experiencing what it was like to truly have Christ in my life, and I was happy. But eventually, my youth pastor left to go be a youth pastor somewhere else. I didnt really relate to his replacement, and eventually left the church I originally started going to because I didnt feel comfortable there anymore. At 18, there wasnt really a place for me. I was too old to be in the youth group but at the same time, I didnt fit in with the older people. A lot of the people my age felt the same way and left too. It was time for us to go our separate ways. I started going to college at a local school. I didnt go to church anymore- I felt like I could do everything on my own and I didnt need to go to church. For some people, maybe thats true, but not for me. I began to slip away from God slowly. I befriended one of my professors and she began to mentor me academically, but she wasnt anything close to a Christian. She had her own clique that I began to get together with- all intellectual people who would sit around complaining about the world and how dumb everyone else was. I began to become like them. Not only that, but I started smoking and drinking. I still believed in God, but I also believed that at 18-19, I had a right to be young and have fun. I was at my prime and I was never going to get my young adulthood back, so why not live it up? I dated a guy who was in jail. We never evolved into a relationship because he had to move to California. I met another guy shortly after, who was bisexual and a former Christian. We connected in the sense that we both had similar experiences in regards to Christianity. We had sex, and broke up shortly after. So there I was, incomplete. How could someone who had

everything going for them be so broken at the same time? I realized that I was missing God. I needed Him back. I began reading scripture again, I went to a new church with a friend I met in college, and I joined a womens bible study. I began to feel like myself again. But what does my story have to say about God? How does it affect you? Well, here are a few things Ive learned about God along the way: 1) God puts certain people in our lives for certain reasons, and for when we need them. Had my spiritual mentor not left, I wouldnt be as close to God as I am today. I needed her at fifteen years old, but not at 17-20. 2) Consistency is a must for a relationship with God. Just like relationships with people, we need to keep in touch with God to keep the relationship strong. Thats why prayer, getting into the word and worship are extremely important- they keep us and God connected. (Hebrews 13:8) 3) God is always forgiving, and will always pull you back when you decide to go your own way. I learned that when I hit rock bottom. That being said, God will make you hit rock bottom at times so that you can realize you need Him. He recognizes were human, and dont always recognize the subtle hints. (Matthew 18: 12-14)