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The Boy Must Die

Our most important theme The boy must die in order for the man to live This program is about you, and your inner boy, not about women If you can get and internalize what youre about to learn, and integrate it into your life, your success with women will take care of itself

Make A Clear Picture In Your Mind Of What You Want


Make a clear picture in your mind of what you want to get out of this program Even though you dont know exactly what youre going to learn, you have an idea of what you came here to get Take a minute right now, and think about why youre listening to me right now what led you to this point and make a picture of exactly what you want to get out of this program Focus on getting your outcome as we work together, learning how to become men who are naturally attractive to women Dont skip this, if you need to, make a note and come back to this point its important

This Is Going To Be Heavy


The first part of this program is going to be heavy material I'm going to be talking about a lot of things that you might want to avoid hearing about You might be thinking to yourself "How the hell is this going to help me meet more women". That's good That's exactly where you're supposed to be In my typical style, I'm going to paint a lot of broad strokes to begin with, then wrap up at the end with some hard-hitting, ultrauseful things for you to take and use And you're going to be introduced to a couple of guest speakers who will take you to the next level and really tie all of this material together Will you make the commitment to stay with me?

Review This Program At Least Three Times Over The Next 90 Days
Review the program a minimum of once per month for three months, so you HEAR it all Work with the materials and exercises at least one hour per day for 90 days in a row to build a solid HABIT Make a personal commitment to get the most from your investment you spent the money and the time, and you deserve to get back as much as you can for it

The Origin Of This Program


I was talking with my good friend Rick the last night of filming my Mastery Program keep in mind, that program is all about going to deeper levels in order to really become a master in the area of women and dating Youve probably seen Rick on some of my programs hes someone that a lot of men look up to when it comes to understanding women Rick said something very profound to me He said that as he talked to the guys in the program, it was obvious to him that these guys had never learned what it meant to be a MAN They had no concept of what it even meant They didnt understand what differentiated a man from a boy, what qualities women are attracted to in men, or how to develop into a man So I started to think about this point, and I realized that there was something deeper going on here, and that he had a great point This program is the result of the thinking I did after that conversation

How Do You Define Being A Man?


What does being a man mean to you? How does one BECOME a man? What are the qualities that a MAN has? What are the qualities that a MAN lacks? What happens if you grow up without gaining the qualities of a man?

A Burning Desire For Manhood


Many men feel an invisible barrier to becoming a man and that barrier is magnified by the inability to attract women by just BEING In other words, a man wants women to want to be around them without having to DO anything to fake who he is Men have a deep, powerful longing to have women want to be with them just because they do and men have a dark grief that follows them everywhere when they dont have that special something that makes women want to be with them for no reason at all, just because they enjoy being around you If a man is actually a grown-up boy, then he not only cant see the path to fix the problem, he doesnt even know the path EXISTS

Men Arent Men Anymore


I believe that most of the people we refer to as men today are only called that because of their age and their size I dont think that the word were using (man or men) has anything to do with the deeper meaning of the word man The word man, in this context, is used to refer to an adult male or adult male human being, more specifically But what exactly is an adult man? Is it a man thats over a certain size or age? Or is it a man that has matured past a certain point in life? Or both? More importantly, what if one of them happens, but not the other? In other words, what if a man gets older and bigger, but not more mature at the same time? Or worse, what if some vital part of the maturation process thats usually present in the external world isnt there at a critical point in a mans development so that he winds up stuck at a certain point either psychologically, emotionally, developmentally or all?

We Were Never Shown The Way To Manhood


By virtue of being born relatively recently, in modern cultures, most of us men were basically not offered the process of becoming a man the way it evolved over literally millions of years We missed the initiations, the challenges, and the EARNING of our manhood We grew, but we didnt grow up We want to be men, but we didnt get the chance, and we dont know how to go back and make it happen Even worse, weve recently been going through a cultural phenomenon called the mens movement that, while doing a lot of good, has obscured the reality that we are, fundamentally, MEN
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We Were Never Shown The Way To Manhood


And yes, we should learn how to deal with them in an authentic, healthy way But thats not what makes a woman feel ATTRACTION for a man No way Feeling that theres something missing, and wanting to fill that void is bad enough What makes it unbearable is that the one thing that we want at every level more than anything, attention and adoration from women, is tied directly to this particular issue Without this issue handled, the only way to get attention from women is becoming a master of PRETENDING to be someone and using techniques to cover up your inability to be who you are

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The Critical Missing Elements


Didnt have a father around, so we had to be the man and raise ourselves Were emasculated by our overbearing fathers Were spoiled by good-intentioned mothers Had no process of initiation at that critical time We went through pseudo-initiations like sports, boot-camp, gangs and fraternities We made it to adulthood, alone, missing a critical set of elements with no map or hints to find them

The Mysterious Missing Manhood


As a result of not being shown the way to manhood at a critical point in our lives, many of us have a feeling of missing something inside and that something cant be described very well with words We know that we SHOULD feel a certain way, and we want to feel that way maybe its strength, or being a protector, or having earned the right to be a leader of others whatever it is, its like that nagging feeling that never quite makes it into normal consciousness its like the splinter in your mind that Morpheus talks about in the movie The Matrix A woman can sense instantly if a man is missing his manhood And if he is, then the possibility for attraction or a relationship is instantly not an option in her mind and she cant control it An inner switch flips inside of her, and it creates an invisible barrier and even though that process and the barrier is invisible, its still very real, and very obvious The Mysterious Missing Manhood is as painful to women as it is to men and unless you learn how to develop your Missing Manhood, you will go on feeling lonely, out of control, and desperate and nothing you try will fix it

Neoteny And Maturity


As I was studying human development over the last few years, the term neoteny kept coming up Neoteny is a term that means retaining juvenile features into adulthood Humans are born more premature and helpless than most mammals Many mammals can literally get up and run for their lives within minutes of being born Human babies are literally helpless for YEARS after being born We are born premature because our huge heads that hold our huge brains cant fit through the birth canal if theyre any bigger
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Neoteny And Maturity


We retain our physical juvenile features for many years as we develop into adulthood Is it possible that we could be prone to retain our juvenile INTERNAL psychological and emotional features as well? Is it possible that this process of being born immature and staying immature longer can lead to a PATTERN and HABIT of staying immature? Is it possible that we become psychologically HABITUALIZED in the patterns of dependence on our mothers for everything from attention to love to affirmation and everything in between?

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The Boy Must Die


The boy must die for the man to live The caterpillar must die for the butterfly to live a total transformation not partial "Grown Up Boy" syndromes... tyrant, bully, whiner, vicky, etc. Think of the ways that YOU manipulated when you were a boy Now think of the ways that you still do these things, only older, more shrewd, more rationalizing to self and more sophisticated versions The first step is seeing and admitting where youre still acting like a boy

Man Psychology And Boy Psychology


The Inner Boy-Inner Man continuum We all have a part of us thats a boy. Its a continuum. You can be anywhere on the continuum Boy, freedom from responsibility enjoys, has fun with society Man, responsible structure, carry the load of the family and society

Some Questions To Start Opening The Door To Maturity


What are you not admitting? What are you running away from? What ideals are you clinging too tightly to about yourself, women, or relationships? What do you need to realize and accept? Where are you accepting second rate thinking and behavior from yourself? Where are you not being authentic in life? Where are you not demonstrating integrity to yourself? What are you hiding? WHY are you hiding?

The Initiation Process


Primitive cultures universally practice initiation processes that boys must successfully pass through on their way to manhood It seems that this need for a formal transition that is assisted by older men is hard-wired into us, but perverted when no ritual is present The boy that grows up but isnt initiated into manhood often winds up living a life fighting demons of childhood rather than developing into a fulfilled man

Its OK To Be A Man
In my original book Double Your Dating, I wrote a section called Its OK To Be A Man The idea here is that many men have learned to be unconsciously ashamed of their desires and natural drives and to repress or even hate them When you try to fight or even deny your own nature and drives, it will come back to bite you in the ass later in a million ways And when it comes back later, it wont be a simple drive to screw a womans brains out it will be a complex of neurotic thought/feeling/behavior patterns that are very difficult to unwire You must accept yourself, embrace the fact that youre a man and you have a nature, and then learn to observe all that happens from sexual impulses to killer instincts and harness the power that they imply

The Mens Movement And The Womens Movement


The womens movement seems to me to be the process of naturally masculine women getting together and saying you should act more masculine to other women The mens movement seems to me like a bunch of naturally feminine men getting together and saying you should act more feminine to other men It appears to me that the typical woman thats a strong feminist/advocate of the womens movement and the typical man whos a strong supporter of the mens movement are not TYPICAL at all I think that each of these typical members of these groups represents maybe 10% or 20% of the ACTUAL population I believe that this is why both of the movements ring true for all people at some level, but generate more digs, sarcastic remarks, and cynicism than anything else probably in the ratio of 80%/20% or so

The Anima And The Animus


All humans have at least some structures of the opposite sex present inside of them The Anima: The female archetypal structures in the man The Animus: The male archetypal structures in the woman As men, were taught to repress the Anima inside of us Common themes among men: Discomfort in the presence of men who act weak and looking down upon homosexual men because they are seen as somehow less than a man gay jokes, etc. Your Animus is there if you repress it, it will come back to haunt you Repressing vs. Integrating Accept Integrate Transcend

Women That Piss You Off


Have you noticed how many women these days are using their youth, looks, sexuality, and power to arrogantly display their superiority? Shirts "Bitch" or "I'm not in the mood to be stared at" Doesn't that just piss you off? This isnt a result of women being women, its the result of women not growing up being stuck in the girl-woman phase then having other girl-women write books for them

Boys, Men, Attracting Women


Cant Attract Women
Avoids and represses the fact, doesnt confront because its too scary, low self-esteem, depression, image of loser

Can Attract Women


Spoiled behavior, cheater manipulator, arrogant, tyrant

Boy

Man

Feels less than other men, has a deep grief that he usually wont address that can be characterized by the phrase I am a failure at one of my basic intrinsic purposes

Strength, protector, leader, mentor to other men, source of grounding energy, on his purpose

Moving With, Moving Against, Moving Away From, Moving Toward


Child Adolescent Adult Mature Adult Talk about the idea of these being the four stages you go through on your way to maturity and on your way to focusing on what you want in your life, not what you dont want and pro-actively getting what you want rather than being activated and moving against others, or moving away from what you dont want or moving with others blindly If you get "stuck" in any of these modes, it can be very negative to your life results and personality.

Trying To Get The Love Or Approval Of:


Father Mother Men Women List the places where youve been unconsciously trying to get attention and approval from each make note if this has been for a long time List the ways which you subtly give others power over you by putting them above yourself, and the traits that trigger this unconscious process List what you do to subtly try to get attention and approval Now admit to yourself how and why these things are unhealthy Now mentally and emotionally let go of them Allow yourself to mature and become a healthy adult man who can respond consciously instead of reacting unconsciously

Interacting With Other Men


Its important to become a man who can comfortably interact with other men Most men dont have healthy relationships with their fathers, so they dont get a good start on this road at the beginning My own situation with my father Exercise from Mastery, and how men reported feeling uncomfortable being close to masculine energy had a gut level response Consciously address this in your own life, become comfortable with other men around you it will free up mental energy for other things

Stay On Your Own Course


Men often try to follow a woman who doesnt want to lead, and when she doesnt lead, the man tries to convince her to lead with questions and body language that seeks approval Most men orient themselves by, following, and seeking approval of the woman. She leads, they follow... in fact, she isn't even leading, but they TRY to follow. They try to make her lead. This is a horrible mistake. Diagram Of The Arrows This is a very simple testing system that guarantees a woman almost perfectly accurate results any guy can luck through or fake his way past one test, but just like your chances of flipping a coin and having it come up heads 10 times in a row are pretty close to 0%, so are your chances of passing 10 test by a woman in an evening or even over weeks or months Stay on your course, even though she is all over the map Let her reorient her body, behavior, moods, responses, communication to yours Dont back pedal, change, explain, or try to get her to lead

The Illusion Of Control


Your conscious mind has the illusion that its in control, and you naturally assume that a WOMAN'S conscious mind is in control as well (this just makes sense) So, living in this double illusion, you naturally and intuitively go to work using your conscious mind to convince her conscious mind to like you... not realizing that it's your older brain and systems that are actually controlling you, and that hers are controlling her A woman is using the clues she gets from you to make an assessment of whats REALLY going on inside of you, and who you REALLY are When you realize that youre not in conscious control of what youre doing most of the time, and that hers isnt either, you can begin seeing things for what they really are, and making dramatic progress rapidly You stop blaming and acting victimized, and you can begin handling the situation like a mature adult

The Critical Counterintuitive Concept


Humans tend to follow certain pre-programmed or hardwired thought, behavior, communication sequences. Many of them seem intuitive or obvious to the person whos doing them even though they are NOT the best thing to do in the situation. Gambling more when you have something definite to lose over having something definite to win is an example. These built-in mistakes keep us from achieving greatness and with a little work, we can take off this success governor and learn to improve these issues on an ongoing basis which will ultimately accrue and become massive success. When the herd is doing the intuitive to their own disadvantage, and a few know how to do the counterintuitive to their own advantage, there is often a huge profit or gain to be made. Think the stock market, investing long-term vs. short term, challenging attractive women, etc.

Taking Conscious Control Of The Self Improvement Process


Make the unconscious process conscious by learning how it works Recall times when youve personally made a mistake or had a success as a result of this process See the connection between doing the Critical Counterintuitive thing and either avoiding un-useful outcomes or achieving a useful outcome Imagine future situations, and mentally rehearse doing the counter-intuitive so it triggers automatically in your mind Purposely put yourself into situations that either naturally allow you to practice, or unnaturally allow you to practice (contrived if you have to) so youre programmed to do the right thing in the future
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Taking Conscious Control Of The Self Improvement Process


For instance, if you unconsciously hurt others to make yourself feel better temporarily, or you say yes to all requests from women or you dont do the thing in a situation to trigger attraction, use this model. The KEY here is learning the Critical Counterintuitive thing to do. This is a concept that I need to apply to business, psychology, self-improvement, our bigger-picture systems, etc.

Its Easy To Forget What Youre Doing


It's easy to lose sight of what you wanted when you started on the road to success It's easy to forget WHY you're doing what you're doing It's easy to forget what you enjoy when you reprogram yourself to be addicted to the outcome youre seeking (whether its work, women, success, whatever)

Exercise: Remember how to enjoy your life, list those things you enjoy most Remember how to enjoy the things you enjoy doing Remember WHY youve chosen the path youre on, and stay in touch with it

EXERCISE: Seeing The Difference Between What You Want And What Makes You Happy
List 10 things you want, quickly these can be material things, experiences, goals, whatever anything you want for yourself Examples might be a new car, spending more time with your best friend or friends, or traveling more Now write down a number from 1-10 that represents the improvement in your life quality that the thing will bring Notice how the things that will bring you the highest returns arent the things that cost money theyre the things that you just have to DO Think about how different you will feel, act, and be if your life were more full of those things that bring you the best returns Write down three things that youre going to do within the next seven days to include more of the things that you can do right now to make your life great

Take Personal Responsibility


Take personal responsibility for yourself, your thoughts, your situation Learn to see how the choices youve made have led you to where you are Refuse to be a victim Value the lesson more than the experience of learning it Refuse to give anyone the power to take your joy from you

The Importance Of Dad, From Robert Bly


When a boy's psyche is not in the presence of his father, a hole forms... and hole begins to fill automatically. Not with nice things and teddy bears... but DEMONS it fills with demons... demons of older men. And you don't trust the older men... you want to shoot them down... demon's can't be killed. You can't kill the demon. All you can do is educate him

Sudden Success Syndrome And Resulting Resentment


When someone has a success in life, such as winning the lottery or inheriting money, most people around them think that all their problems should be solved We guys tend to think that things like money, power, and success with women should give a guy enough that he should be happy and never complain about anything The how would you know response We think that the solution WE want (getting lots of money or lots of women) would make us happy, therefore we expect them to be happy

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Sudden Success Syndrome And Resulting Resentment


This is unrealistic and immature Money, power, and success with women NEVER solves inner problems, and NEVER creates happiness by itself A mature man understands that he is responsible for his own results he is neither envious of the success of others, angry when a successful person expresses problems, or living in a fantasy world thinking that if he had success in a particular area of his life that all of his other problems would be solved

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Your Inner World Exercise


Remember a kid from childhood that you really liked, then one you didnt like Remember what you liked about your dad when you were little, remember what you didnt like Think about what you admire in men right now, think about what you hate Now think about what you love about women, and what you hate

The Circle Of Male Development


Men give away their power to women to get approval Women don't want men who give away their power Men keep their power, and attract women Once a man learns how to keep his power, he doesn't want the women he wanted before

Different Levels Of Energy


Think of these different levels: An ignition switch, a starter, a motor, a car If the KEY is broken, then you cannot take advantage of the power of the starter and thus you cant take advantage of the power of the motor, the power of the car. All of that power becomes inaccessible over something as small as a key. The four thousand pound piece of metal is unusable because you dont have the four ounce piece of metal. Leverage points like this exist in humans as well Most people try to work on the car when theres a problem, they dont look to see if the problem is at a different level The energy that powers the archetypal structures may be far lower than the energy that powers a muscle, but think of the leverage difference

A Look At Power
Where is your own personal power based? Is your competition with other men based in a powerful, masculine, secure maturity or is it based in a weak, insecure, over-compensating immaturity? Do you respect mature, adult men and treat them as worthy allies or adversaries, or do you secretly harbor thoughts of superiority? Is your ability to persuade based on whining, tyranny, or tantrums or is it based on credibility, authenticity, and wisdom? Is your personal power rooted in scarcity or abundance?

Questions About Your Father


What have you not communicated to your father that you've needed to let him know? What have you not admitted? What have you not said? What has he not said to you that you've needed to hear? What have you always wanted to hear from him? What have you hated hearing from him

A Thought From Robert Bly


Once you connect all of the parts of your conscious and unconscious mind, develop yourself to a certain level, and become authentic and transparent, youre very likely to feel a connection to a sense of grief inside of you Following the grief down can become a source of fantastic enthusiasm for life and it can lead to a feeling of connection, groundedness, and purpose that most men are not in touch with Its mature to allow all of these parts of you to connect together, wherever they may lead you

Grief Is The Doorway To Feeling


Robert Bly has taught me that grief is the doorway to feeling In other words, to connect to your true feelings, youll probably need to allow yourself to feel grief FIRST Men are taught to act tough, and not show their feelings The first feeling that comes up for many men in emotional situations is grief but since theyve never been taught to recognize, identify, and allow themselves to experience it, they slam the door right there as soon as the grief starts This effectively protects a man from his deeper feelings, because he wont even allow the doorway to stay open Ive had several experiences over the last few years that have led to me feeling the unmistakable feeling of grief Only after allowing myself to experience the grief, feel through it, and continue downward (as Robert Bly says), have I been able to experience other, more subtle emotions

Allow Yourself To Grieve


A mature man can grieve consciously, and know its a healthy process Its important to allow yourself to feel the emotion of grief when it presents itself its a doorway to a much richer emotional life Where have you stopped yourself from feeling grief? Where should you allow yourself to grieve, and find out whats after? What can you do so you remember to allow yourself to feel the emotion of grief when it comes up for you?

Responding To Emotional Imprints


We remember things that happened in the presence of emotion We often respond to our emotional imprints of situations from the past than to the actual event taking place in front of us Becoming a man is about breaking those connections, living in the present, and treating each situation as a new one a new opportunity

The Biggest Challenges In Life


To Observe Yourself To Know Yourself To Change Yourself To let the boy die, and the conscious man grow in depth

Individuation
Carl Jung used the term Individuation to describe the process of reaching your potential and becoming an integrated, mature person When you get in touch with your Unique Ability and Personal Path in life, then you make it a priority to stay on your path and work as much as possible developing and focusing your Unique Ability, an interesting cycle starts You become more mature on a continual basis, and you begin the process of learning similar things over and over again, but getting different lessons from them As you progress, develop, and integrate different aspects of your personality, you literally evolve The more evolved and integrated you become, the more individuated and the more you can both see your infinite connection with others at the same time as your individual differences and unique combination of gifts The power comes from being able to see both and hold both in your mind to embrace the paradox and allow it to give you energy

The More Personal, The More Universal


My mentor Gerry Ballinger taught me something that he learned from his mentor that the more personal something is to you, the more universal it probably is Realize that each of your insecurities is common, then be transparent its liberating Realize that your own individuality is a gift that you can appreciate more than anyone so appreciate it and use it Remember, The More Personal, The More Universal

Deserving, Permission To Be A Man

Understand Men, Then Yourself, Then Women, Then Individual Women


Understand men first Understand yourself second Understand women third Understand the individual woman youre dealing with last When you understand all four levels, you communicate in a different way Now that I have some understanding of all levels, and can communicate this way to women that Ive just met, they get an instant sense that we are connected and they tend to become riveted to me Its obvious that you get something that other men dont get I have a connection with women that could stand any length of time between conversations and pick back up at any point in the future

The Secret Language Of Manhood


When you become a man, an adult, an independent, strong man who is on his own path, you begin to communicate differently. You move differently, you hold yourself differently, you respond to situations differently and you use different words Its easy to spot people who dont get it. Its easy to spot people who are trying to fake it. Its also easy to spot people who do get it Great guitar players know another great guitar player by listening to just a few notes. They also know an amateur in just a few notes A woman knows a real man I got this idea reading about venture capitalists (VCs) and selection on Seth Godins website. Id send a simple letter to a VC: I have a business that Ive built from scratch thats been profitable from the beginning, has no debt, and is the first mover in a huge new category. It would get their attention. I know how to communicate with players but how?

Certainty
People like certainty There is none in reality If you can provide it, represent it, communicate it, youll be more attractive If youre uncertain about what youre doing, others wont feel compelled to follow you, theyll doubt you People will flake, and theyll blame it on you if they feel uncertain about you If a woman thinks youre secretly a Wussbag that you might only be ACTING cool but underneath youre a clingy, insecure guy just waiting to smother her, shes going to bail If you can communicate a strong, stable, secure, masculine maturity, a woman will be less likely to flake out on you because she has more certainty about you The paradox here is that its often good to tease women, play a little bit when they ask questions, etc. You might ask How can you resolve the ideas that you want to create certainty about who you are while at the same time youre saying to keep her uncertain about things like what you do for a living or where you live? My answer is simple she wants certainty about her experience with you that its going to be enjoyable to her not about the details of your life

Feature Your Insecurities Until Youre Over Them


Practice making cocky jokes about them when you first meet a woman and are flirting This is never going to work out, youre not good at arguing, and I overcompensate for being short by acting arrogant so wed always argue, and Id always win

The Feeling Of Loss If Youre Not Necessary


Many men feel left out if a woman wants to do something alone or with friends other than him Get over the automatic response feeling of jealousy or loss or sadness if shes enjoying or looking forward to enjoying doing something without you Cultivate ability to want to do things without HER and enjoy them These are especially important when it comes to women you arent already with, or women that are new in your life This concept actually applies to all relationships in life Its mature to allow others to live their lives and enjoy experiences without you without you feeling that youre losing something The other side of this coin is to allow YOURSELF to live your life and enjoy your own experiences without the feeling that you need others to validate your enjoyment

Mistake: Acting based on what you think shed think if she knew what you were thinking

Jungs Heros Journey


The real magic of becoming a man is about becoming a man who helps other men develop and evolve to help them individuate

Clarity
Clarity of personal path or mission, vision, values is attractive

Maturity Vs. Pretending, Forethought Vs. Manipulation


A sign of a mature man is forethought (Aristotle) Part of maturity is thinking future events all the way through with discipline instead of guessing, wishing, and leaving things to luck When youve thought scenarios through, you can move forward with strength and confidence, knowing that youve planned for most of what could happen, and the odds are on your side By doing this, it frees up your mind to deal with the exceptions as they arise With women, a mature man has thought through all the possible situations and scenarios, and has planned accordingly The immature, Boy-Man thinks that hes done the same, only its not the same at all
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Maturity Vs. Pretending, Forethought Vs. Manipulation


The Boy-Man uses tricks and techniques to manipulate, and only lives for the moment and instant gratification The test you can apply anytime is simple: Ask yourself if what youre doing feels manipulative, sneaky, or dishonest in any way. If it does, they youre allowing the Boy-Man inside of you to run things which will ultimately lead you to a feeling of less fulfillment, not more If the feeling inside of you is one of strength, authenticity, and wanting to add to your womans life experience and joy, then youre on the right track

Becoming A Man Meas Giving Up:


Throwing emotional tantrums to get attention Correcting people because you need to feel important Disagreeing with people to show your superiority Being a "know it all" so people will give you approval Saying and doing things to win attention and approval, not add value and genuinely help a situation

Keeping Death In Mind


Keep death in mind daily In order to do this in a way that will be helpful, youll need to overcome fear of death, and fear of pain leading to death These fears are so strong because thousands of years ago they helped us avoid things and situations that might actually cause death Today, almost all of those things are gone, so we can USE the thought of death as a tool to enjoy LIFE more

Death Does Not Have To Be Scary


When you overcome the fear of death, and the fear of physical pain leading to death, you have now proven to yourself that you can overcome the biggest fear in life Theres a level PAST overcoming your fear of death that level is actually embracing the reality of death, and becoming familiar with the thought Once you do become familiar with it, and youve addressed your issues around it, you can literally begin to use it as a source of strength, joy, happiness

Why Death?
Because humans primarily do two things with their minds: make meaning and ascribe value these are fundamental activities In order to make meaning and ascribe value, we need a reference point to start with Every meaning and value is relative to something (thanks, Einstein) When you conquer your fear of death, and keep it in the forefront of your mind, it gives you the ultimate context for considering everything When compared against death, the most painful and uncomfortable situation becomes a gift the meaning of anything becomes positive, and every aspect of life leads to gratitude

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Why Death?
When considered in the context of death, lessons become clear in all situations and you become thankful for the lessons immediately (or even in the midst of the previously painful process of learning by trials and tribulations) With life as the context, death becomes a repressed, ultimately haunting fear With death in mind and carefully considered as the context, life becomes joy Read from Dying Well, notice how things feel after

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The Heart-Connected Killer


My friend Amber Lupton spoke at my Mastery Program (which I highly recommend), and introduced me to a concept called The Heart-Connected Killer At first, this doesnt make sense how can a man be connected to his heart, and a killer at the same time? The answer is that BOTH are inside every man the killer is in there and the compassionate, protecting, loving man is in there too A woman needs to feel your strength and power while shes feeling that you are connected to your heart and emotions but she also needs to trust that if something were to happen, you would kill to protect her without hesitation How can a woman tell if youre a Heart-Connected killer? One way is to let her know that shes safe, and another is to ravish her What are some others?

Live Now
Remember, your body will die; embrace it and consider it often. Then live the life YOU want to live Take personal responsibility for your life, your results, and your happiness Every day, wake up, choose what you want to do that day, and do it Do things that get you into your body, and into the moment

Most Men Werent Happy Single First


Most men in relationships or marriage, did not enter them from a place of previously being content alone, and PREFERING not to be with a woman then Choosing to enter into the relationship

Build A Happy Single Life


Most men: Unhappy alone Find a woman to cling to Hold on too tightly, give away power, destroy attraction in relationship Switch to: Build a happy single life Prefer and choose to be single Choose a relationship Choose a marriage or long-term relationship This is all about becoming a man who has such a great life in and out that he WANTS to be single first Make your single life so fantastic that you almost don't have time for a relationship Build a life that you love Fill your life with so many things you enjoy that make your life better that you literally have to think about how to fit a woman in Enter a relationship to improve your already great life, not to be your life If you're in a relationship, build a personal life to enjoy on your own, so you can be your best when youre with your mate

Elements Of A Healthy, Masculine Self-Image


Self Concept Self Assurance Self Interest Self Comfort

Outward Signs Of A Real Man


Comfort in the presence of... Class, style, refinement Beautiful women Power and high-status people Paradox, uncertainty Composure in the face of... Competition form other men Loss or setback Conflict or drama Tests from women Clear path, values, boundaries when dealing with... Other in influential positions Women theyre dating Other men Their own life

EXERCISE: Ask Yourself


What makes me uncomfortable, and whats the underlying reason for it? Where do I lose composure in life? Where do I reveal a lack of clarity in my path, values, boundaries?

Seven Virtues And Seven Vices


Love/Envy Temperance/Gluttony Humility/Pride Patience/Anger Justice/Greed Faith/Lust Fortitude/Sloth Your unique combination of these virtues and vices makes up your CHARACTER.

Qualities Of Male Maturity


A balanced perspective An attitude of non-judgment An understanding that everyone has a positive intention A powerful sense of self An air of stability the deep root, the strong foundation TRUSTWORTHINESS

Breeding Distrust
Ive often wondered to myself why so many young women lead two lives In one life, theyre a perfect, proper, innocent daughter In the other life, theyre a promiscuous, herd-following, twofaced, manipulative, distrusting girl-woman Is it something natural that happens to all women at some point in their lives? Why is it that some women dont go through this phase, and instead stay close and honest with their parents and themselves?

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Breeding Distrust
I think part of the answer might lie in the common practice of telling daughters that doing drugs makes you go crazy, sex isnt enjoyable and if you have it youll be a slut, and being interested in generation gap things isnt a good idea What happens when that girl, feeling alienated from her nonunderstanding parents, tries drugs, sex, and defiant fun things? Of course, she finds out that they feel GREAT which leads to her not only thinking that her parents were lying to her and must not love her (otherwise theyd have been honest with her), but also that they couldnt possibly understand her Which leads to a double life

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Dealing With A Women Who Has A Double Identity


As a mature man, you will encounter many attractive young women who have these double identities Unfortunately, most men fall into the trap of seeing only the angel in a woman, and not seeing the other side of her personality and even worse, not suspecting that its even possible that it could be there One mark of a mature man is the combination of his ability to see and accept the reality of any and all sides of a woman, as well as the ability to make a woman feel accepted for who she is Incidentally, this does not imply that a man must tolerate or accept second-class behavior, low morals, or poor ethics from a woman

The Concept Of The Renaissance Man


Leonardo Da Vinci was the original Renaissance Man Women complain that there are none left The Renaissance Man embodies the concept of actualizing all of the different potentials that lie dormant in every man It implies becoming a master of many different areas of life, physical, logical, and emotional as well as a habit of learning one after the other, on a lifelong quest of self-actualization, improvement, and enjoyment Areas to develop include art, psychology, science, music, philosophy, performance, etc.

Clues Youre Dealing With A Real Man


An air of approachableness A never let them see you sweat attitude An unwillingness to accept second class thinking and behavior Mentor to younger men Pillar of strength and security in self and values Defender and protector of those less able to defend and protect themselves Encourager and challenger of those not living up to their potential

External Qualities To Consider


Mysterious Confidence Humor Wit Charm Sophistication Leadership Class Chivalry Style Smoothness/Grace Comfort Composure

The Art Of Cool


What exactly is cool? Why is the word used so often? It implies a temperature that is between warm and cold which, when applied to personality or attitude, implies neither coming on too strong, nor being overly stand-offish A cool person isnt too excited about anything, isnt too affected by anything, isnt emotionally reactive, and has control of themselves

Questions I Ask Myself A Lot


What is cool? What is square? How can I get one to understand these and the concept of cool? How can a "square" learn to act "cool"? What is cool? How can I describe the transition? What is the way? Remember: A cool guy can interact with squares and other cool people comfortably whereas a square cannot do the same

Elements Of Cool:
Off-beat sense of humor Sense of style, music, food, culture Laid back and unaffected by the opinions of others Not a suit, not a square, not a cone-head, not a nerd Causal dress, the dirty but not too trendy thing Not obsessed with proper grammar enjoys modern, hip words and terms Calm confidence can pose a little, has that composure Can make fun of themselves Doesnt act above others Independent, encourages independence in others Assumes a cool connection with others by leaning head back as a greeting, saying hey, whats up?, whats goin on?, etc.

Feeling Different Ways Of Saying Hello


Surface Hello, how are you smiling Insecure Oh, um, hi there Cool guy Whats up head back Sly smile lean head back slowly no words

Sexual Confidence
Sexual confidence is a key to being a "naturally attractive" man Sexual confidence means knowing that a woman will have an experience with you that she'll never forget Sexual confidence comes from understanding the psychology and physiology - the physical, logical, and emotional aspects - knowing how to touch, how to kiss, how to create anticipation, how to pleasure, fully get pleasure, ravish The key is that an inner sexual confidence that comes from knowing you can blow a woman's mind in bed affects ALL of your communication It literally colors everything from the way you hold yourself to the way you look at a woman to the words you use when talking When you have it, women respond very differently to you, see you differently, and often become somewhat anxious and excited about you Make it a point to learn to be an incredible lover, and cultivate Sexual Confidence

Real Man
Accepts things as they are fully, no judgment - then sets out to change them Can show his sword without killing people / using it Doesn't need or use threats Is the pillar of strength, security, protection in every situation Allows, encourages, enjoys when others shine, win and progress Needs nothing external to be happy

Giving All Of Yourself Indiscriminately Will Kill Attraction


The message that a woman gets when you obviously offer everything to her is that you arent the most important person in your life SHE is Keep a part of yourself off limits and totally unavailable to women If you want to maintain the attraction, dont hand over the keys and the pink slip just let her enjoy the feeling of being able to be near that deep masculinity

Set A Boundary With Her As Soon As Possible


Setting boundaries with women (when its used correctly) establishes leadership, status, and masculinity Set boundaries in a playful, fun way, but also set them when it comes to serious issues as well dont hesitate to set a boundary if a woman is playing games Say "no" to something she wants Push her away when shes trying to hug you

Be The Star, Not The Planet


Most men behave like planets looking for a star to orbit Be the star - a centered man that women want to orbit When you become so rock-solid internally and so mature that no random woman can affect you, then you begin to affect THEM. You lose your concern with what she thinks of you, which frees up your mind, emotions, communication channels, and behavior to be yourself. The positive aspect is that it makes you far more transparent and authentic the negative is that if you dont have your inner game together and your immature boy nature dealt with, THAT will shine through and reveal things that will hurt you

When Women Can Feel Your Masculinity


Sometimes a woman will sense your powerful male energy and say Wow, youre pretty confident in yourself or make mention of some aspect of you thats too masculine A man who is on his path or purpose and being himself will see this as a positive sign, not a negative one

Feedback From Real Men On Being A Man


I asked some of my male friends who I respect tremendously to answer the following three questions: 1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to grow up and become a mature, self-directed, fulfilled adult man a man who has integrity, a sense of purpose, and a strong sense of his place in the world? 2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into true adulthood? 3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a real man a pillar and example for younger men and how can he develop these qualities? I received five sets of answers, and I want to share them with you

1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to grow up and become a mature, self-directed, fulfilled adult man a man who has integrity, a sense of purpose, and a strong sense of his place in the world?

1) 2)

1 I feel that a man "grows up" when he accepts responsibility for his future and turns his attention to what is good for God, Country, Family, and friends instead of himself. I guess the "one most important thing" would be accepting responsibility. 2 Understand his intrinsic self worth, and find an unrelenting passion about something. It doesnt matter how insignificant it is and could be personal, professional, or relational (family, child, etc.). However, he should not let himself be defined by this thing or relationship; just his intrinsic passion, value and worth in himself. 3 Join a TEAM, as in sports, job, church, community, or mastermind group, in which there are other MORE mature mentors.

3) 4 One of my favorite snippets of wisdom about this subject is from (author of book Belly On Being 4) Sam KeenHe said the the bestsellingadvice "Fire In The about-being a A Man"). best piece of he ever got
man was: "There are only two questions a man must ask himself: The first is "Where am I going?" and the second is "Who will go with me?" If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble."

1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to grow up and become a mature, self-directed, fulfilled adult man a man who has integrity, a sense of purpose, and a strong sense of his place in the world?

4)

What this means to me is if you focus on who will go with you first, you're in big trouble. But if you focus on where you are going, you'll have people lined up to go with you. SO the MOST IMPORTANT thing a man can do to "grow up" etc... is to KNOW WHERE HE'S GOING... and in order to do this, he needs to TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS OWN DESTINY... And since most men have no idea where they're going, what their purpose is and what they want to achieve with their lives, that's the place to START if he's wants to improve his situation in life (e.g. Doing some deep soul searching, then putting down ON PAPER his goals, dreams, standards, timelines etc).. I've completed tons of exercises like this (Tony Robbins, Mankind Project etc.) and have found them very helpful... particularly the one's that force you to look at your SHADOWS... You might get some interesting "Robert Bly-esque" insights from the CONFIDENTIAL attachment (Warriors 7 Stages Of Man) I've included from the "New Warrior Training Adventure

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1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to grow up and become a mature, self-directed, fulfilled adult man a man who has integrity, a sense of purpose, and a strong sense of his place in the world?

5)

In my opinion the single most important thing a man can do to "grow up" and become mature is to have children. The care of children and the fulfillment of their needs (which are continuous, obnoxious, and completely self centered on the child's "me,me,me") makes one grow up in a hurry. In addition, the absolute requirement to take care and support the children is so overwhelming that one has to change from youth to adult in a short period of time. Of course there are many positives and negatives about having children to begin with, and many parents are not very good at "being a parent". With regards to the rest of the question, here is where we get into the "purpose" of life. I will try to answer some of it by answering the other two questions.

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2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into true adulthood?

1)

I believe a man must let go of the baggage in his past to become an adult. Yesterday is gone, today is already here, there is only the future. A man looks to the future.

Overcome Himself! He has to 2) approval/attention from others. let go the chains of his need for He has to let go of "scarcity" thinking, "victim" thinking, which are all boy-like ways of thought 3) I was hoping I wouldn't have to go here... however, since you 4) asked...needs to let go of trying to please MOMMY (and all female A man

figures) and take his balls back (and everything that entails) in order to truly become a MAN... A great crash course on this in my humble opinion is the "New Warrior Training Adventure" Weekend... (more about this at www.mankindproject.org) I think that in order to be an adult you need to not only let go of things but reprogram yourself. Things you need to let go of are first and foremost - THE NEED TO BE DEPENDENT. Easier said than done. It may require total reprogramming depending on your upbringing, parents etc.
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5)

2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into true adulthood?

5)

First you need to be able to feel inside (the Tao of Steve kind of feeling) that you are able to take care of yourself regardless of the circumstances. By the way, most women NEVER lose their dependency on father, husband, Federal Government.....Those people who are not able to BELIEVE that they are independent become losers forever, always blaming others for their problems. The second stage of course, is to develop skills that allow you to be independent. This applies to money, business, women - everything. Don't forget: all people are SURVIVORS, but only women take credit for that. (I used this rare opportunity to show some heart felt disgust for women, who by some bad luck we need too much).

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3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a real man a pillar and example for younger men and how can he develop these qualities?

1) 2)

I believe the qualities a true man should develop include honesty, fidelity, loyalty, compassion, empathy, and humility, but most of all, a sense of thankfulness and wonderment for all that is right and good with the world. He has to be himself and be comfortable with that, whatever it is. I would also say, he should not be trying to be an example for others, as this naturally perturbs his pure ethos of being. Similar to Plato, his goal should be to live justly and prudently. To push this a bit further, even Plato hints it was Socrates ego/arrogance that got him executed, rather than exiled. How do you develop this? Whew, oh yea, this is easy: - An unrelenting drive for evolution; as opposed to a quest for perfection. Vince Lombardi has a nice quote about this: Perfection in unattainable. . .however, I do expect excellence. . .). - The unexamined life is not worth living - Plato If you cant measure it, you cant mange it. He must simply become more self-aware and understand why he does the things he does, both positive and negative. - Define his passion, personal utility and his unique personal competency. Avoid defining himself by actions and personality.
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3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a real man a pillar and example for younger men and how can he develop these qualities?

2)

Pooh just is Tao of Pooh You would never find Winnie in a transcendental gibbering mess. Hed be the guy bringing Eeyore a pot of honey, in an attempt to get the poor bastard to snap out of it. . .all whilst Piglet is franticly racing around trying to figure out if he is doing it right looking to Owl, and others for external approval. In short, dont do. . .BE! - Lastly I would say: Patience and balance. Not to be trite; however, He needs to understand this is a process and not a destination. By forgiving himself for his past in- action and poor execution; he becomes a self-directed student of life again, returning to his childhood curiosity in the body of a man; and knows himself for the first time. . . All that has been called "High Character", which historically have only been available from two sources: in ancient times, the study of either philosophy or theology, and in modern times, these both have evolved into PSYCHOANALYSIS and ORGANIZED RELIGION instead. Since one's parents would be the ideal source, yes that is true, but the only way to have community CONSENSUS on the quality of "teaching" by parents, is with either psychoanalysis or organized religion backing their parenting.
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3)

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3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a real man a pillar and example for younger men and how can he develop these qualities?

4)

The qualities I think a man should develop in himself are courage, sense of adventure, discipline/strength/integrity, curiosity (fascination with learning, growing, evolving), compassion for others and desire to contribute/make a difference He can develop these qualities by 1) Seeking a mentor/mentors to MODEL 2) "Being the change that he seeks" 3) Surrounding himself with like-minded individuals I believe that in order to feel successful you have to be true and honest to yourself. You have to be ethical, not necessarily according to other people's belief, but through your self generated set of ethical matrix. Of course, such ethics are very much influenced by others. You also need to know that you are doing the best you know how that way whether you succeed or fail you can not blame it on your lack of effort - the ability to generate effort, although partially genetic, is one of the only attributes that are greatly influenced by your environment. In general, you can not succeed without exerting tremendous amount of energy and effort. A "real man" will certainly know who he is, believe in his own ability (even if not boundless), be ethical and know that that image is projected through his selfconfidence and behavior. Other people (especially men) are attracted to the combination of elements projected by the "Real Man".

5)

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Stay On Your Course

The Laws Of Success With Women


1) Accept everything the way it is. 2) Go to work on yourself, not women. 3) Move your frame of reference inside. 4) Become a fascinating person. 5) Make your territory yours. 6) See yourself as "high status." 7) Stop seeking approval. 8) Stop giving approval to get it. 9) Stop trading status for approval. 10) Learn how to read situations before acting or communicating. 11) Keep doing what works and stop doing what doesnt work.
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The Laws Of Success With Women


12) Put yourself in the path of attractive women. 13) Stop trying to impress women. 14) Stop apologizing. 15) Become selfish so you can become generous. 16) Keep your composure always. 17) Learn how to turn a woman on mentally, emotionally, and physically. 18) Learn the entire mating process of humans in detail. 19) Lead. 20) Prove to yourself over and over that you can deal with "rejection, and that it and other things like it only make you stronger.
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The Laws Of Success With Women


21) Surround yourself with success models, and eliminate failure models. 22) Learn how to tell an interesting story about anything. 23) Learn how to use Cocky Comedy. 24) Learn how to dress and groom yourself well. 25) Make friends with attractive women by becoming a guy women like being around. 26) Learn to sacrifice short-term gratification for long-term success. 27) Dont whine, bitch, or complain. 28) Learn how to always enjoy yourself, no matter what's happening. 29) Value yourself and your time more than any woman.
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The Laws Of Success With Women


30) Develop your awareness. 31) Learn to control your emotions. 32) Let her problems be her problems. 33) Don't try to control her by supporting her or giving her money. 34) Behave as if you have 100 women calling you every day to see you. 35) Learn to identify status by communication and body language instantly. 36) Become an expert on your own self deception habits. 37) Stop idealizing women. 38) Stop idealizing relationships.
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The Laws Of Success With Women


39) Know your purpose or path in life, and stay on it. 40) Focus more of your time and effort on learning, and less on doing. 41) Constantly improve yourself. 42) Stop projecting your strengths and weaknesses onto others. 43) Set up your life so you're constantly meeting interesting, attractive, available women. 44) Evict your inner Wussy. 45) Get in touch with your personal path or purpose, and stay on it always. 46) Create useful habits and eliminate destructive or negative habits.
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The Laws Of Success With Women


47) Be honest, ethical, and authentic always. 48) Look past the content to see the true meaning of what's going on. 49) Recognize when you're losing control of yourself 50) Engage her emotions and body, not her mind. 51) Don't behave in a boring or predictable way. 52) Make yourself into the most interesting person a woman has ever met. 53) Turn everything into an adventure. 54) Convince yourself that what's about to happen is going to be unbelievably fun, then convince her of it. 55) Always act and communicate in a way that leaves her wanting to know more, feel more, and do more.
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The Laws Of Success With Women


56) Surround yourself with success models, whether they be in person, in books, on audio, or on video. 57) When you hit a challenge, go back to the basics. 58) Focus on the core skills and your deep inner game, and the techniques will take care of themselves. 59) When you find yourself losing power with a woman, stop, step back, and wait until she calls you - pull the needle out of your arm immediately. 60) Always have three female friends around you that are very similar to the type of woman you want to meet. 61) Every day, find your center, become centered, then make yourself the center.
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The Laws Of Success With Women


62) When you find something she really likes, stop, pull back, and make her really want it before you tease her with a little more. 63) Become fanatical about every detail of your health, hygiene, dress, style, posture, voice tone... 64) Eliminate every nervous tick, gesture, facial expression, and unconscious response to challenges from women. 65) Objectify your demons so you control them instead of them controlling you. 66) Become unbelievably honest, authentic, direct, and blunt when it's time to be direct. 67) Accept and embrace transition anxiety as an opportunity to see things from a beginner's perspective automatically.
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The Laws Of Success With Women


68) Untangle past, present, and future... Physical, logical, and emotional... Short, medium, and long-term gratification... Fear of something and the actual event... And other non-useful combinations. 69) Learn to enjoy the process of learning more than the actual result of the learning. 70) Teach others every great thing you learn immediately. 71) Eliminate failure by learning from it. 72) Compare your progress and success only to yourself, not others. 73) Evolve constantly and consciously always seek the next level and paradigm.
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