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Chapter 33: June and July, 1974: a Level of Political Strangeness Not Re-Attained for 27 Years The rest

of the summer passed without further household incident, albeit with an increasingly ominous aura of weirdness that seemed to me to be associated with the national news, although pure math can be pretty weird all on its own. Pure math organizes itself around concepts not rooted in anything related to physical reality. Most of what were doing in July was calculus, and most of the concepts of calculus have strong utility in figuring out real-world problems, but not all of them do and she didnt teach any of them as though they had to. I like physics and the problems that interest me most are always the parts of the real world that are difficult to explain, plus I think best by analogy, so my approach to problem-solving relies a lot on memory and pattern recognition. Problems and procedures that resemble things we see in the physical world or problems that resemble in some way ones that Ive worked on before are the ones Im going to be able to solve the fastest, but everybodys brain works differently. Mrs. Ws brain was pretty free-ranging, but she was still a physicist, no matter how good a mathematician she was. Stoney couldnt care less about physical reality, so even more than Mrs. W he had the ability to reason through from if A+B=C and C-G=Y then 2(AG+5)7-xd!equals a teacup-shaped torus. She was fast, though. Even when he caught her off-guard with some off-beat realization she always went with it and we always followed things to their logical conclusion. Weird as the math sometimes was, what was going on in the news that summer was utterly preposterous. President Nixon found ways to spend increasing amounts of time overseas, trying to look presidential with foreign dignitaries, as his lawyers wrangled in venues all over D.C. seeking to avoid variously impeachment, having to respond to testimonial subpoenas, Ehrlichman1 gaining access to his own notes to allow
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John D, Ehrlichman was President Nixons White House Counsel (until he was replaced by John Dean, who ratted Nixon out in every way he possibly could about Watergate and everything else he could think of) and later his Chief Domestic Policy Adviser. In that capacity he became part of President Nixons inner circle and so was among those, along with H.R. Haldeman, who were told of the Watergate break-in soon after it happened and so were part of the presidents attempts to distance himself from the fallout from the break-in, one of a number of utterly idiotic plots hatched by the White House Plumbers (they fix leaksget it?) a group over which President Nixon appears to have had little direct control but whose moronic operations he supported with money from a slush fund that would get him and all contributors to it arrested were such a thing to occur today. The relationship between Ehrlichman and Nixon was perhaps the most Shakespearian, or perhaps the most classically tragic, relationship of the morality play that was President Nixons second term. Like a hero from Sophocles, President Nixon suffered from a not unusual form of hubris that told him that he could weather any political storm as long as he occupied the White House. And like the eponymous Richard III of Shakespeares play, Nixon the man expected absolute loyalty of his subordinates but was willing to cut them off at the knees when it became expedient. Ehrlichman resigned to avoid embarrassing President Nixon with his own legal troubles, all of which sprung from serving Nixon in two important offices. As soon as he did so he found that Nixon would not cooperate with his (Ehrlichmans) lawyers in any way, not even to the extent of letting Ehrlichman look at his own notes to establish that he hadnt been present for several conversations in which the prosecution asserted hed heard about the Plumbers schemes. Not only was his president and former champion unwilling to assist in his defense, he was willing to block his access to Ehrlichmans own notes in a way that was certain to enhance the crimes with which Ehrlichman was charged and ultimately lengthen the sentence he to which he was sentenced. The Presidents lawyer, James St. Clair, insisted that to allow former employees access to any government records, even their own notes, was an unconscionable infringement on presidential autonomy.

him to defendwhat? Obstruction of justice, maybe? Or to have administration members at all levels from clerical to cabinet secretary appear to defend graft charges in all sorts of cases. As the summer wound on the plots and problems reported on became more and more tangled and outspread and I just couldnt follow them all, but more seemed to pile up every day. It felt like not even CBS could keep up. But through it all Nixon kept traveling. In the weeks following his June trip to Egypt weeks he found his way to Syria, Belgium, and the Soviet Union.2 There was an otherworldliness to the disconnect between his diplomatic trips and his legal troubles. The theater of his presidency was one side of Alices looking glass, his legal troubles were the other.3 Every day there were headlines that would shock us today but just werent noticed in the Seventies: Soviet Said To Seize Jews as Nixon Visit Approaches; France and Iran Sign $4 Billion Accord, Shah To Receive 5 Nuclear Reactors; Women Ordained Episcopal Priests, Church Law Defied; Austrians Elect Socialist Again. The Israelis
The three branches of government are supposed to be co-equal, right? So neither Congress nor the courts should be able to order the president around. This position is defensible, of course, as a matter of constitutional law, but utterly indefensible as way to treat a friend, loyal henchman and former colleague. Poor Ehrlichman was convicted and sentenced and did several years in prison. I met him several years after he was released and it is to his credit that he was not a bitter man. He had the sad resignation of a someone who has had everything taken away from him due to his relationship with and loyalty to a powerful man who would not lift a finger to help him when he needed help. Such is politics. Mr. Ehrlichman was also convinced to a fare-thee-well that Ford had agreed to pardon Nixon in exchange for Nixons resignation. 2 The Soviet Union, or the U.S.S.R., for Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, was a communist country in 1974. So far as I know, the best working definition of Soviet is under the thumb of the Kremlin and the other words in the countrys name have their ordinary meaning. The U.S.S.R. was huge and enormously powerful and woefully poorly run. The Kremlin never ever got a hold on agriculture, and one of the things President Nixon was sometimes willing to do was to sell the Soviets enormous amounts of grain which was popular with American farmers because it drove the price of grain up but enormously unpopular with a group of people called with no trace of irony or approbation housewives because sale of American grain to the Soviets by the shipload caused the cost of Merita, Holsum and Wonder Bread to skyrocket. There were widespread protests. They were polite protests by todays standards, but still. It was an odd time. Any large-scale protests over the price of food in the last 40 years? How about the cost of anything else? Gas? Housing? In 2011, the only thing people protest about is the other political party. 3 If your only exposure to presidential impeachment procedure came during the Clinton administration you might be prone to make understandable but incorrect assumptions about how things worked in the Nixon Administration. Clinton lawyered up very quickly to defend himself from the various allegations, innuendoes, and threats that emanated in all directions from special prosecutor Kenneth Starr, an investigation that began with a second-rate real estate deal financed by a bank whose only branch was in a house trailer in a Little Rock parking lot and eventually extended to an Oval Office blow-job performed years after the whole Whitewater deal had cratered. Even so, you didnt see or hear from Clintons lawyers very much, and Clinton (a former Arkansas Attorney General, after all) appeared to be representing himself, at least in the public eye. He wasnt, it just seemed that way. And regardless of what was going on behind the scenes Clintons lawyers never appeared in Congress to argue with the House about the propriety of the Houses investigation into Clintons affairs or the articles of impeachment it was drawing up. Clinton had his political allies in Congress do all of that. Not so in the Nixon Administration. James St. Clair, the presidents lawyer in connection with the Watergate investigation and all of the various legal proceedings swirling around that, was also his lawyer and chief spokesperson in the impeachment proceedings, all of the corruption charges, all of the subpoenas by former staffers on trial for corruption or various sorts, and everything in every court, congressional committee, or Senate panel in which President Nixon was called upon to appear, provide information, explain himself, or answer questions. That summer, Mr. St. Clair may have been the most important legal advocate in history, before or since. He still lost.

began a new policy of pre-emptive bombing against Palestinian guerillas.4 CIA Criticized Over Watergate. It turns out that the CIA knew more than it had disclosed about the break-in. But since the CIAs charter is limited to international operations and specifically excludes operations in the United States, why did it know anything about Watergate? Nobody even asked the question. Drug Flows Noted Despite New Laws. How many times have we heard that in the years since? VP Ford Hits Spectator In Head With Golf Ball In Celebrity Golf Tournament. What the Hell was the Vice President of the United States doing playing in a golf tournament under any circumstances, much less during a constitutional crisis? Greece managed to sponsor a military coup in Cypress, Turkey responded by invading Cypress,5 then a few days later the military junta that had ruled Greece for decades just stepped aside, much to the delight of the Greek citizenry, but it was all just a minor blip on the news horizon. The real story was all Nixon all the time. Nixon promised the ambassador to Jamaica a better job in exchange for a large donation. Nixon had manipulated IRS data to make George Wallace, governor of Alabama and a competitor for conservative presidential votes, look bad. Nixons people offered to drop enforcement actions against ITT in exchange for large campaign donations. Attorney General John Mitchell and Nixon Campaign Finance Chairman Maurice Stans were under indictment for offering to obstruct criminal proceedings against Robert Vesco6 in exchange for a $200,000 campaign donation. It was just amazing. There were also signs of changes to come: HEW Proposes New Rules Prohibiting Sex Discrimination In Education. Note that this was a Republican administration proposing sweeping regulations to implement the 1972 amendment to the Civil Rights Act known as Title IX. No foot-dragging involved. As Republican presidents go, Nixon was a terrible conservative.7 You could also pinpoint the moment in time when some things changed. On June 17 a headline read Negro Heads Southern Presbyterians. Negro. On June 18 both White May Get Seat Zoned For Black and Blacks Return to South In Reverse Migration appeared. Negro no more. But always and constantly the noise continued of Nixons lawyers protesting that criminal proceedings against Nixons former staffers were providing Congress with impeachment fodder to which they were not constitutionally entitled. We I watched the news every night and all shook our heads for our various reasons. The others considered me a liberal, but everybody elses politics seemed to me to be up for grabs. One night after some startling revelationmaybe Ehrlichman was sentenced, or maybe the dairy farmers admitted to raising millions for Nixon so he would make the Department of Agriculture to fix the cost of milk at an advantageous pricestuff like that

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Now theyre terrorists. Forty years later, the Turks are still there. 6 An international financier and fugitive from justice. Today wed call him a Ponzi schemer, but in 1974 nobody knew what a Ponzi scheme was. We started hearing about pyramid schemes in the mid-1970s, but nobody referred to Ponzi schemes until the early 1980s, apparently to distinguish investment scams from Amway-style sales scams, which are pyramid schemes but are not Ponzi schemes, no matter how similar their effects may be on the trusting. 7 Daniel Patrick Moynihan was one of his key domestic policy advisers.

was on every nightMrs. W and stoney were finishing off their drinks and Stoney was finishing preparing dinner. I just dont remember anything like this, Mrs. W said. Wed come down to the kitchen after the news. How so? I asked. It just seems like everything is corrupt at all levels of government. And its not just the White House. One of the senators on the Watergate Committee is supposed to be under investigation for some kind of corruption.8 Are you sure this is odd? Stoney asked. He was whisking together some chicken stock, light cream, and a little sour cream. Ive never seen anything like it, she said, lighting a cigarette. Its on the TV every night. But maybe thats the point, Stoney said. Clarence and I looked at him as though hed started speaking in tongues. We didnt expect him to take much interest in civic affairs as long as the Tigers were in last place. TV news is a different sort of thing, he said. And print journalists are publishing things they never did before. I wonder if the immediacy of TV isnt causing the print media to report on things theyve traditionally overlooked. Cool! Marshall McCluhan! said Clarence. Exactly, little buddy, said Stoney. Hed peeled and seeded a cucumber and was mincing it finely. What are you Castenadans talking about? I asked. Mrs. W, baffled already by Clarences comment, scowled at me as though Id just added an unwanted variable to her equation. Clarence is alluding to one of my favorite authors, said Stoney. He says, sort of, that the forms of media you rely on define in a way who you are. TV is kind of hot in that theres a constant flow, you dont slow down to take it at your own rate, you get caught up in it at its rate and you just drink it in. Newsprint used to be and to a certain point still is different. In the morning we all drink coffee and pass the paper around. And we talk about what we see and what we disagree with.

She refers to Senator Edward J. Gurney, Republican of Florida, who eventually resigned on July 24, 1974 to prepare for his trial on charges that he extorted money from real estate developers.

Like whether it was cool that Billy Martin got ejected from two different games on the same day yesterday?9 asked Clarence, in that way snotty kids do of trying to get their grandmothers goat. Its never cool to break the rules, said Mrs. W. But Mr. Nixon may be president because he broke the rules, said Stoney. And according to my dad, part of the reason hes willing to break rules now is that he got totally screwed by Kennedy and Daley in 1960 and was determined that it would never happen to him again. Dont now the story, I said. The Mayor of Chicago was a crook and he rigged the election for Kennedy, said Clarence. We all looked at him with various levels of surprise. He did, said Clarence, defensively. Then, after a pause, I go to school. That was the rumor, anyway, said Mrs. W, lighting a Benson & Hedges. Howd it go? I asked. Chicagos always been a tough town, she said. Lots of mobsters. Old-style political bosses. The biggest of the big bosses, politically, anyway, was Mayor Richard Daley. Everybody knew he was a crook, but he was too smart and too powerful to get brought down. You remember a few years ago at the Democratic convention in Chicago, the one where they nominated poor sweet Hubert Humphrey. Student protests broke out, and the Chicago police beat up a bunch of boys your age just for protesting. All that was Daleys doing. Chicagos a tough town. What were we protesting? I asked. Dont be snide, pal. I was there. It was brutal, said Stoney, whisking together all of the ingredients hed been dicing, tasting with a fingertip, then deciding it needed a little salt. Hed never mentioned being in Chicago before and I was chagrinned by my own glibness. Needs to sit a minute for the flavors to get out, he said. Potatoes need another ten minutes. So endive and lettuce salad with spicy walnut vinaigrette, cold cucumber dill soup, potatoes Diane and broiled grillades in about ten or fifteen minutes. Mrs. W, I have a Pouille-Fuisse chilled. Excellent! Id love a glass. What were you boys protesting in Chicago, though? Was it an anti-war thing? There were lots of pictures of kids getting beaten up on TV, but not much of an explanation of why they, I mean you, were there. Stoney retrieved a
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Clarence alludes to the fact that on July 14, 1972, Billy Martin, then manager of the Texas Rangers, became the first manager in Major League Baseball history to be ejected twice in one day by getting tossed from both games of a double header against the Brewers, which was then an American League team owned by Bud Selig. Selig was, even then, an asshole.

bottle of wine from the freezer and opened it. It was frosted, and when he poured a glass for Mrs. W, it immediately frosted the outside of her wine glass. She smiled at it happily. My friends and I were in Chicago because some Princeton guys had told us all about how it was time for a change and it was high time the up-tight Establishment10 realized that a different generation was taking over. They said the Establishment was all poised to nominate Humphrey, whom we all considered a political hack, and we wanted Clean Gene.11
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In the 1970s the Establishment referred to an ill-defined group of businessmen, politicians, military leaders, Wall Street types, and wielders of authority whom young people believed were oppressing us in variously vaguely-defined ways. We wanted enhanced freedom from the draft, from limitations on our ability to have sex and do drugs, to wander about freely with no means of support, to reject accepted norms of fashion, grooming, and manners. In the 1960s people demonstrated for basic civil rights. In the 1970s we sought an amorphous freedom from any restraint whatsoever. The Establishment was the amorphous but perceived-by-youth-to-be-powerful opposition to our aims. Rush Limbaugh speaks of liberals as being a well-organized machine bent on nationalizing the American economy and embracing European socialism. In the 1970s we liberal youth opposed the Establishment in the much same way that Rushs Ditto-heads oppose liberals: there wasnt a lot of basis in fact for what motivated us to hatred. 11 Gene McCarthy was, in 1968, the senior Senator from Minnesota. He lost the nomination after a bloody convention floor fight to a former senator from Minnesota, Vice President Hubert Humphrey. That two Minnesotans who knew each other well went hammer and tongs at the convention, thus dooming any chance of unifying the party in a fight against Nixon brings two quotes spring to mind: Casey Stengel said Doesnt anybody here know how to play this game? and Will Rogers said Im not a member of an organized political party. Im a Democrat. McCarthy had been very popular in the early primaries as the only anti-war Democrat challenging Johnson, the sitting president, whom everyone expected to run for a second term. McCarthys strong showing in New Hampshire (then, as now, early in the primary season) led Johnson to drop out of the race altogether. At that point both Bobby Kennedy and George McGovern entered the race (neither had been willing to run against a sitting president who was seeking re-election) and had he not been murdered by Sirhan-Sirhan, Bobby almost surely would have won the nomination. McCarthy resented all of this. Hed done the heavy lifting of getting Lyndon knocked out of the race early, then the pretty boys jumped in and looked good using the exact same anti-war message McCarthyd been peddling. McCarthys resentment made it hard for him to accept the fact that he didnt have a snowballs chance in Hell of winning a general election in 1972 or any other year. After Bobby got shot, for reasons that defy logic, his delegates started glomming on to George McGovern, who had a good heart but the oratorical gifts of your favorite aquarium fish and not one chance in ten thousand of winning any general election, as he demonstrated with alacrity four years later. McCarthys supporters were all true hearts, but their effort was doomed by Democratic Party rules. Under its nominating rules in 1968 most of the delegates were chosen by local party bosses and state party leaders. If a clear leader developed, as John Kennedy had in 1960 and as Lyndon Johnson naturally had as an incumbent in 1964, the party bosses were obligated to shovel their delegates onto the party favorite, even if (as had been the case with Democratic party leaders from Alabama and Mississippi in 1960) there were misgivings within the Southern party faithful about having a Papist lead a party that also included George Wallace, Strom Thurmond, Orville Faubus, Ross Barnett, and, well, you get the picture. So the Democratic Party rules were set up to reward a clear winner if there was one, and otherwise to pick somebody who might actually win. By the time of the Democratic convention in 1968 there was no clear winner. McCarthy had some delegates, McGovern had some, mainly as beneficiaries of Bobby defectors, and Hubert Humphrey had a few from having come in second, third, and fourth in primaries in which he had never stood a chance of actually winning. Nobody trusted McCarthy and McGovern wasnt a serious candidate in the eyes of the party establishment, so it threw its entire weight behind Hubert Humphrey, a good Democrat, a fine man, and an honorable politician, but a guy who entered the convention a distant third or maybe fourth, could never possibly have won in the primaries, and, as is so often the case with Democratic presidential candidates, a guy who wasnt likely to motivate the electorate too much (think about Carter, Clinton, Dukakis, Gore, and Kerry).

Mrs. W frowned. As I recall it McCarthy was strong in the early primaries but had been more or less eliminated by the time of the convention, she said. Yes, maam. Youre probably right. I wasnt particularly well informed, and I just assumed everybody else knew what they were talking about. Theres no evidence they did. But back to my thesis, or certainly a theme closely related to my thesis, TV took over that event. In 1954, the events of that night would have been described in the New York Times with a sentence or two: some unruly youths were arrested. But TV cameras caught all kinds of things, and the country was riveted. How could they not be? People were getting beat up o n live TV. Now, I wonder if the newspaper and magazine guys dont think they have to try harder to keep up with that kind of thing, to get noticed. The print guys want to be just as relevant as the TV guys so they look for more and more spectacular stories. And political corruption is always interesting. But the fact that its interesting doesnt mean its not true, she said. Regardless of what motivates the reporters, theres more of this crap in the news than I ever remember, she said. Stoney scraped some more finely minced cucumber into his soupy white liquid, stirred it a bit, tasted it, then shook his head and started mincing some more dill and chives. Mrs. W was watching, as well. She looked at me with a quizzical expression, and I shrugged. We had no idea what he was making. I could smell the potatoes cooking in the oven. My dad would call himself a Rockefeller12 Republican, said Stoney. Which is to say he votes Republican except when Nixon is running. He hates Nixon. Anyway, what he would say about this is that everybody does it, Nixon just got caught.
McCarthy entered the convention hoping to mount an honest to God floor fight but it quickly became clear that the establishment had coalesced behind the trustworthy and well-known Humphrey. The college kids who had surrounded the convention center to express their support for McCarthy got wind of what was going on inside and started protesting, chanting a mix of pro-McCarthy and anti-war slogans. The Chicago Police Department, supposedly on Daleys instructions, decided these protests were an unseemly display of party fractiousness, and began trying to disperse the protesters. There were lots of protesters, more than the cops had anticipated, and they were not at all cooperative. The clash quickly escalated, with riot police and billy clubs making their presence known, and pretty soon the police were chasing groups of college kids all over town, knocking heads and making indiscriminate arrests. The most memorable film clip of the evening was probably a line of long-haired college kids, gamely trying to stay in place while being beaten absolutely senseless by the cops. The protesters chanted The whole worlds watching! The whole worlds watching! and indeed it was. The cameras caught it all. As is so often the case when police action seems to be the main source of violence at a social protest, Daley and the Chicago Police Department blamed outside agitators. 12 Nelson D. Rockefeller was a liberal Republican who was governor of New York from 1959 to 1973. He was an unsuccessful Republican presidential primary candidate in 1960, 1964, and 1968, and Vice President under Gerald Ford from 1974 to 1977. When Ford decided to run for president in 1976, facing a hard-charging primary challenge from the far right by Ronald Reagan (Reagan hadnt wanted to challenge Nixon as an incumbent but had always planned to run in 1976 when Nixon retired and thought hed be too old to run if he bided his time until Ford stepped aside voluntarily) he dumped Rockefeller in favor of Bob Dole in a misguided attempt to appeal to the Reaganauts, who were already beginning their plans to yank the rudder of the Republican Party hard to the right, a process that continues to this day. Nelson Rockefeller died at his desk in 1979. Died at his desk may give the wrong impression, though. He was having sex on his office desk with a younger staffer when he had a heart attack and died. She got dressed and called a friend for advice before she called the paramedics. Yet another reason to forego strange.

Hey! My dad says that too! said Clarence. Stoney lit a cigarette and gave Clarence a thumbs up. Clarence reached as though to take a cigarette for himself, casually, as though no one would notice. Your father is a Humphrey Democrat and a labor lawyer, Mrs. W said to Clarence. Get your hands away from the smokes. I thought he worked for the railroad, said Clarence. Moms always complaining about that. But where our fathers would agree, little buddy, said Stoney, seeming to talk to Clarence, is that this has always been going on. Powerful men have always been doing things to preserve their power. And once they attain power they use it to insulate them from having to pay the piper. If youre the president, you call the FBI and tell them to stop looking at particular things as a favor to your friends or donors, or to protect yourself. Or you tell an ITT if they give you a bunch of money they dont have to worry about some case. Then you call your attorney general and tell him the ITT case really isnt too interesting. Cool, said Clarence. Power corrupts. Mrs. W. stubbed out her cigarette and scowled at me. Did you guys rehearse this? I asked. No, maam, Stoney answered. This is like popular literature. You and Mrs. W read Beowulf and Greek and sh stuff. Clarence and I read like, stuff that everybody else reads. Like? I asked. Stoney shrugged. Rod McKuen. Jonathan Livingston Seagull. I loved Jonathan Livingston Seagull! Clarence said. He got up and ran around the kitchen in small circles making noises like a fighter jet with his hands drawn to his sides like little fins or tiny wings, shouting Terminal velocity! Terminal velocity! Hey, Ill give you my copy of Watership Down, said Stoney. Its lots better if you read it sto No, wait. Never mind, I looked up at Mrs. W. She hadnt noticed. Already read it! Clarence said. I love rabbits. What does this have to do with Nixon? I asked. Mrs. W withdrew another Benson & Hedges from her cigarette case and looked expectantly at Stoney. Nothing, directly, said Stoney.

Yes it does! said Clarence, gleefully. The books Stoney and I like are all about people, or rabbits, or seagulls overcoming adversity! Go on, said Stoney. Nixon is that adversity. Him and everybody like him, said Stoney. Cool! Stoney said. He and Clarence did a high-five that continued through several more elaborate steps. Now that has to be rehearsed, said Mrs. W. Well, yeah, sure, said Stoney. Lets eat. He ladled the soup into bowls in the kitchen then handed us each one. He plated his in the dining room then returned to the kitchen to get retrieve the Pouille-Fuisse for himself and Mrs. W. The soup, a cold cucumber-chive-dill cream soup, was delicious. I think we got diverted, said Stoney, halfway through the soup. The idea is that Nixon is just doing what everybody else has done for decades, but that changing pressure on different sorts of media is resulting in different standards for reporters, with the result that Nixon has been just doing what everybodys always done, but he was just unlucky enough to get caught. But that doesnt make it right. Said Mrs. W. Stoney thought a minute. Look, Im a math guy, said Stoney. I see the world in mathematical concepts. Thats true for right and wrong. Rightness and wrongness are scalar quantities. Seeing anything thats 100% either way is rare. You Physics guys are always looking to describe an underlying reality. Im not sure thats realistic. Well, youre right about that, said Mrs. W. What? I asked, surprised. Time for the entre, said Stoney. He collected our soup bowls and returned to the kitchen. Ive tried to explain this to you before, Henry, she said. Each thing we do in Physics is just an approximation thats always subject to revision. The Mayans had an understanding of astronomy that wasnt based on any mathematical concepts youd recognize as math but they knew exactly when the equinoxes were, understood the solar year, and could predict both solar and lunar eclipses. Same with the Sumerians and Babylonians. Same with the Egyptians, although they started to introduce what look like mathematical calculations, although Im not sure how much of that is ancient Egyptian math and how much is inventive grad students. Ptolemys tables allowed anyone with

basic math to calculate the positions of the moon and the known planets and 48 different constellations with ease. So? Clarence asked. Mrs. W looked at me. Well, Ptolemy believed the Sun orbited the earth, and had these weird explanations for the movements of the planets. The underlying premise was completely wrong, I said. Stoney brought in two plates of sizzling grillades with mushroom sauce and potatoes Diane. He put one down in front of Clarence and the other at his own place.13 Actually, thats hubris, she said, looking at Stoneys plate. Clarence knew he had to wait until everyone was served to eat, but he clearly liked what he saw. Maam? I asked. We have a different explanation now, one we all accept, but we may have another one tomorrow and another one after that. It may eventually turn out that the Earth is the center of the universe and all the other orbital mechanics fall into line with that in some elegant way. Theres just no way to know. You believe this? I asked. Of course, she said, as Stoney returned with four salad bowls. Forgot, he said. Go ahead Clarence. Dont wait on me. He placed one salad bowl in front of each of us and left. Clarence looked at Mrs. W. She shook her head. He couldnt eat until Stoney sat. Just because youre comfortable with what youve been taught doesnt make it the only possible way the earth can be. These models we live by, that make so much sense to us, they come and go all the time. The Copernican model just seems to describe the universe so much better, I said. Stoney returned with plates of grillades and potatoes Diane for Mrs. W and me. He sat and picked up his napkin, then Mrs. W picked up her fork and we all started in. It was delicious. I started with the veal, which was tender and juicy and coated in just the right amount of savory sauce, and then tried the potatoes, which were rich and flavorful and lightly, but agreeably, salty. So where did conversation go? Stoney asked. Henry thinks our current model of the solar system must be correct because it matches the observable universe so well. Stoney shrugged and nodded and continued eating.
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By serving Mrs. W last, her food would be hotter when she ate.

I know you say that the others, did, too, but lots of rationalization was involved, I said. Like? Stoney asked. All those mini-cycles, whatever you call them, that explained retrograde movements of planets, I suggested. Epicycles, she said. Yes, they were complicated. But Copernicus model was just as hard to understand in its day. Theres not so much thats not understood. Not so many exotic explanations required. Not so many mysteries. Maybe not so many, but there are lots, said Stoney. Like? I asked. Why does Uranus rotate on its side? Mrs. W asked. All the other planets rotate more or less with their equators more or less in the orbital plane. Uranus is at ninety degrees to everything else. Why would that be? Isnt Pluto on a different orbital plane than the other planets? asked Clarence. Mrs. W and I looked at him as though hed spoken in fluent Latin. Indeed it is, little buddy! said Stoney. He raised his almost full wine glass to Clarence in a toast and drained it in a gulp. Plus its ellipse is much more off-center than the other planets. Well done. Im not sure thats a mystery, said Mrs. W. How so? asked Stoney. Drink up, he said, to Mrs. W, rising from his chair and pointing at her wine glass, which was mostly empty. She took a sip but didnt drain it. Stoney took her wine glass and his to the kitchen for refills. Plutos not really like the other planets in other ways, too, she called out, so Stoney could hear. It may not really be Stoney returned with the wine glasses and her voice dropped to a conversational tone again, what mothers of the day called an indoor voice to their shrieking toddlers. the same kind of planet as the rest of them. Clarence and Stoney looked at her quizzically. Its just outside of the Kuiper Belt, she said. Stoney nodded and resumed eating. The what? asked Clarence. The Kuiper Belt, said Mrs. W. Clarence looked at Stoney.

You know the asteroid belt? asked Stoney. Sure, said Clarence. Between Mars and Saturn. Jupiter, said Stoney. Jupiters inside Saturn. The Kuiper belt is like the asteroid belt, only its outside Neptunes orbit. Its like the asteroid belt, left over from when the Solar System was formed. Asteroids are mostly nickel and iron. Metals, anyway. The Kuiper belt is mainly made of great big chunks of ice. Not just water ice, but all kinds of gasses and crap. Whats that got to do with Pluto? asked Clarence. I think Pluto was a big chunk from the Kuiper belt that got disturbed or hit somehow and ended up in an orbit around the sun, said Mrs. W. Plausible, said Stoney, nodding. Like a comet, said Clarence, staring into space, speculatively. Exactly, said Mrs. W, appreciatively. Stoney looked at Clarence with pride, as a parent might, chewing the last of his grillades, but Clarence didnt notice. Mrs.W looked at me. Henry, you look confused. I have this experience a lot, I said. What? she and Stoney asked together. Clarence managed to pile an enormous glob of potatoes on his forktheyd congealed a little as theyd cooled a littleand managed to fit the entire pile into his mouth. He smiled to himself with chipmunk cheeks as he undertook the delicate task of chewing and swallowing with his overfull mouth. Im in a place Ive been in a lot since I started college, I said, after a pause. Whats that? she asked. Stoney looked up with interest. Clarence was still trying to chew up his potatoes, but enjoying the process. Everybody around me seems to understand the topic under consideration better than I do, said. Rarely has it been brought home more forcefully than tonight. Stoney nodded and began on his salad. I had in mind the fact that over the course of the evening I was surprised to have heard several reasoned and erudite discourses from Clarence, heretofore the village idiot, but nobody noticed. You know, said Stoney, Next time Im doing yeast rolls and serving them hot with the salad as a second course then bringing the grillades and potatoes in at the end. Mrs. W raised her eyebrows and nodded agreeably. Clarence swallowed the last of his potatoes and smiled.

Eat your salad, Clarence, said Mrs. W. Clarence frowned dubiously. Dont like salad, he said. Youll actually like it little buddy, said Stoney. I made it with you in mind. How? Clarence asked, mystified. You like walnuts, right? And you like spicy food, right? So this has walnuts and olive oil and red pepper in it. Its based on a salad they talk about in a Nero Wolfe book called Devils Rain dressing. Nero Wolfe? Cool! said Clarence. My grandmother used to give me Nero Wolfe books. Archie Goodwin is the coolest! he said and dug in. You know he hates green vegetables, said Mrs. W. No, he doesnt, said Stoney. I mean, no, maam, said Stoney. Sorry. Neither does Henry have this experience a lot. What? Mrs. W and I asked in unison. Henry said hes the most ill-informed person present a lot of the time. Or something like that. Its not true. Its just true in Math Club. Hes over-generalizing. Math Club is your Kepler/Brahe thing? she asked. Well, actually, no. Quoting you, Henry steered everyone away from the elegant observations of Brahe and the intricate calculations of Kepler. We ended up in Maxwell instead. Your suggestion as well? Not at first. I think I suggested the Lorentz Transformations first, she said. Yeah, well, that was fun, Stoney admitted. You wouldnt have been happy with Kepler, Stoney, she said. Thats arithmetic, not math. Endless addition and subtraction, over and over, for months. I didnt intend we should use Keplers methods, said Stoney. I wanted to use Brahes observations and apply modern calculus to Keplers ideas and see what we came up with.

Hmmm, she said, speculatively. Do you know the Galilean transformation14? she asked. I dont think so, said Stoney. Only way I can think of to do it. Ill show you tomorrow. Had you figured out some way to do the calculus? she asked. No, maam, he answered, and shrugged. I figured wed figure something out. Ill show you tomorrow, she said. Where were we? Weve got a lot going on. Dessert? said Stoney. What do we have? she asked. Sugared blackberries in blackberry syrup on vanilla ice cream, said Stoney. Lord, yes, said Mrs. W. We didnt always have dessert. I had been with Stoney when hed bought the berries and assumed they were for breakfast. He retired to the kitchen, beckoning Clarence to come with him, and they returned a few minutes later with ramekins of vanilla ice cream with a dark purple sauce, slightly grainy and with lots of small blackberries. We ate without much conversation aside from appreciative noises. The portions were pretty small, but boy was it good. When we were finished Stoney and Clarence cleared the table. They returned a few minutes later, Stoney with an enormous beaker of brown liquid for himself and a thimble-sized cut crystal glass of a slightly darker liquid for Mrs. W. She took a tiny sip and smiled. What are you having? she asked Stoney. Brandy. Martell. She nodded. Feel free to try that Armagnac Gunner gave me. Not in that sized portion, but have yourself a taste, sometime. Its really extraordinary. Tank you, maam, said Stoney, and raised his glass to her. Soweve got the issue of whether Nixon is a different kind of crook or just the same kind of crook who was unlucky enough to get caught, we have the issue of whether the way news is delivered has changed its content more than the way its reported and whether that may have contributed to our perception of corruption in Washington, weve got fractious Democratic politics contributing to the rise of Republican political power
14

Two coordinate systems, S and S', in uniform relative motion:

Really? said Mrs. W, sipping her B&B and lighting a cigarette. Well, thats the way I see Chicago, anyway. Johnson withdraws, leading to a feeding frenzy among Democrats who dont or wont understand the nature of national politics, said Stoney. Clarence shrugged and nodded. Mrs. W gave a noncommittal nod. Fair enough, said Mrs. W. We have Henry thinking that Copernicus must be right and Ptolemy wrong because why, Henry? she asked. Ptolemy is so complicated. And the calculations are so much simpler. And they have to be more accurate. They just have to be. I cant prove it, but No, you cant, said Mrs. W. Weve got you wanting to take a crack at Brahe using modern calculus, although I cant see what youd do with all those observations without the Gallilean transformation she said, to Stoney. Weve got Clarence eating a salad without coaxing or protest. Clarence looked up, shrugged, and nodded. If were going down that road, weve got Henry eating dessert, said Clarence. Usually he tells you over and over how he doesnt like dessert and you kind of coax him into it. I frowned at Clarence. True enough, said Stoney. Three weeks ago when the raspberries came in and we had raspberries and cream, I just decided to put them down in front of him to see what hed do and he just ate them up. Ever since, if we have dessert, I just serve him, and he eats it up. You just kind of slipped that in? Mrs. W asked. Yeah, its such a struggle sometimes getting him to do what you know he wants to do. Youre aware Im sitting here, right? I asked. Yeah, yeah, sure, said Stoney, firing up a Winston. Mrs. W pushed the ashtray towards him so they could share. Sometimes I think Henry may be the least self-aware person I know, Stoney continued, speculatively. He always seems to know what hes looking at, and he has this way of understanding mathematical and physical properties and stuff like that really, really well, but if you ask him what he thinks or feels, he doesnt know. Thats true, said Clarence. Can he do stuff other than calculations? Stoney asked Mrs. W.

He seems to be really good with literature, and he seems to have a knack for languages. He can speak several, and he seems to have picked up Greek in the last six or eight months. Really? asked Clarence. Cool. And then theres pool. And gambling, said Mrs. W. Well, thats just another attribute of the calculation deal, said Stoney. Even still, we have a lot going on. Politics, education, science, dessert, violence, television. So whats our unifying theme here? What connects between Nixon and Henrys dessert and everything in between? Well, Kuhn, of course, said Mrs. W. Ive recommended he read it, of course, said Stoney. Me, too, said Mrs. W. Kuhn? I asked. Yeah. He wrote The Structure of Scientific Revolutions, said Clarence. This didnt surprise anyone. Oh, for heavens sake. And where did you pick this up? I asked Clarence. Stoney and Mrs. W both took sips of their drinks, then drags off their cigarettes. Stoney loaned me his copy, he said. So what does Kuhn say? I asked the three of them. He says that science organizes itself around paradigms, he called them said Clarence. He pronounced paradigm so that he pronounced the g. Theyre kind of, like, supported by teachers and colleges. All the teachers and colleges and stuff get, like, comfortable with what they know. The sun revolves around the earth, maybe. Or theres this stuff called ether thats like, maybe its like water. Like if you throw a rock into water, it ripples and makes waves on the surface. And since light is like a wave, then there must be a water-like deal its moving through, so they call that ether and everybody accepts it because it makes their theory make sense. And then all the teachers everywhere sticks with the ether or the Earth revolves around the Sun or this weird deal about why food goes bad until some new idea comes along and sweeps all of that stuff away and its like everybodys blinders come off and all the teachers and everybody see the world in a whole new way. It makes more sense that the Earth revolves around the Sun. And theres no ether, lights moving through space in some weird way. Can somebody explain that? Clarence asked, looking up.

How so, little buddy? asked Stoney. Whats this ether stuff? asked Clarence. Mrs. W stubbed out her cigarette and took a tiny little sip of B&B. Stoney took a massive gulp of brandy, draining his glass, then gave a little shudder, as though he could feel it moving down, but looked at Mrs. W expectantly. The luminous ther was part of a bad deduction, she said. We just didnt realize it. I was taught it in high school, and they still used it when I was in college, but you could tell the younger guys didnt like it. They used a lot of its as if analogy language and then didnt test us on it. But what was it? Clarence asked. Stoney took a puff from his cigarette and shot a smoke ring at the ceiling. I couldnt follow it. I expected him to get up to freshen his drink but he didnt. It was a bad analogy, she said, after a pause. If you measure any electromagnetic energy, it appears to oscillate, to vary in intensity at a regular, measureable way. If you describe that oscillation on graph paper, it would go up and down in a regular pattern, and it would look like a wave. Why does it do that? Clarence asked. She sighed. Hard to say. Theres a lot we dont know. Say you have a steady force. Like a magnet. And then you bring that magnet close to a copper wire. The magnetic force, and we dont really understand what a force isat least I dontbut the magnetic force will cause changes in the wire. Specifically, the electrons in the copper molecules will move around a little bit in the presence of the magnet. If you move the magnet back and forth, the interaction between the copper and the magnet will create something newthere will be something you know as electricity in the wire. Electricity is a form of energy. That electricity will oscillate, it will vary, in sync with the timing of the magnets proximity to the wire. With me? Yes maam, said Clarence and Stoney in unison. If you were to plot that electric energy on graph paper, it would look like a wave. Its not really a wave, but it looks like one on paper, and the same rules and equations that seemed to apply to sound waves and ripples on the surface of a pond seemed to apply to electromagnetic waves, at least in 1920. And it turns out that the same is true for waves all across the electromagnetic spectrum. You know that light waves and radio waves are just two different forms of the same thing? Yes, maam. And x-rays and gamma rays, said Clarence. Stoney shot him a thumbs up.

All of them have that same traitthey all oscillate, vary in intensity. They arent all generated the same waylots of light is generated by heat, for example, theres no wire and no magnet, but even still light waves all oscillate and if you plot them on graph paper the oscillation is like a very regular wave. So lots of really smart people came to the conclusion that since they acted like waves in a lot of ways and looked like waves on graph paper, then electromagnetic energy must really be waves. And that got them to thinking. All of the waves they were aware of were moving through some other medium. You can make a mechanical wave on a string or a spring, you can make a wave on the surface of a liquid, waves move through air and other gases, and shock waves move through everything. So what are light waves moving through? Clarence frowned. They told us in science class that light moves through everything, said Clarence. Yes said Mrs. W drawing him out. Well, that includes empty space. Vacuums. Like, light gets all the way from Alpha Centauri to here every night, and its all vacuum almost all the way, said Clarence. Exactly, said Mrs. W. And nobody really thought about that. Maxwell had shown that light was an electromagnetic wave. They decided since it acted like a wave and graphed like a wave and all the wave math seemed to apply, that it really must be a wave. So if it was a wave, it must be moving through something, so what was it moving through? They all turned back to this silly idea that had been around since before Newton. They hypothesized that there was some as-yet-to-be-detected substance that permeated the universe kind of like an invisible matrix, and that light waves were disturbances passing through that matrix which they called the luminous ther, which, if you could see the way it was spelled, it would look even more old-fashioned than it sounds. But they deduced that it must be there, because waves had to move through something, so the theory said that it was there. Stoney and Clarence nodded. Did they experiment? I asked. Stoney and Clarence jumped, as though surprised I was still there. Excuse me, honey? Mrs. W said, taking a sip of her B&B. Did they conduct experiments to confirm the existence of the luminous ther? She brightened. Oh, God, yes. Constantly. Most of them were frustratingly inconclusive, but respectable people managed to interprete some of the experimental results as confirming the existence of the luminous ther. They were mostly idiots of grad students with blinders on, of course, but if youd been paying attention you could see people trying to think it through in a different way no matter what youd learned in high school. And if

you took physics from somebody who spoke German, they always seemed to be one step ahead of everybody else. Sprechen Sie knnen Deutsch? said Stoney.15 Ja, Sprachen wir es in der Heimat, als ich ein Kind war, said Mrs. W. Natrlich, said Stoney. Clarence and I looked at each other, hoping this wasnt going to continue. So what happened to the ether? asked Clarence. It went away, she said. It was never there. It was just something that college professors thought up as a clever way to explain something they didnt really understand. And then they stopped talking about it as though it had never existed. Which it didnt, of course. Cool. Kuhn, said Clarence. Again with the Kuhn, I said. Henry, as far as I can tell everybody who knows you has been telling you to read this damned book, she said with some irritation. Its an easy read. If youd just giving up reading the Bible in Greek and being proud of yourself for finding verses that disagree for just a few days youd have plenty of time to read Kuhns tiny little book. There was a pause. What makes you think Im looking for Bible verses that disagree? I asked. Thats just the kind of thing youd do, she said. Stoney nodded. That does sound like you, said Stoney. I got no opinion on this one, said Clarence. So Kuhn explains why the ther went away? I asked. Sure, said Clarence. Not only that, but why it came up, if I followed. The professors at the colleges invented the ether because it fit with what they already knew. They knew what a wave was, and how it moved, so they made up an explanation for what light was that fit what they already knew. This made em all feel famous for being smart and lots of grad students had to suck up to em and do experiments to prove the whole ether deal. Then Einstein and maybe some other guys came along thirty years later and said no, there is no ether, light waves do this entirely different deal
15

I have no idea what he said to her. I didnt speak German in 1974.

They propagate, said Mrs. W, to Clarence. His eyes lit up. I think he realized for the first time that he was sitting at the grown-up table. So light waves propagate, not through the ether, but through anything. Even through a vacuum. They require no Clarence started. They require no medium, said Mrs. W. Okay. No medium, said Clarence. So no need for ether. So what happens next little buddy? asked Stoney. To the ether? asked Clarence. No, to the academy, said Stoney. Clarence looked confused. To the university, Stoney went on. To the professors and the teachers. Oh! Clarence brightened. Okay, so when Einstein and his buds came up with this completely new explanation for how light worked, Kuhn would call that a paradigm shift. Its like maybe like everybody put on a new pair of glasses, or something. They just saw things in a different way. He still pronounced the g in paradigm. So? Mrs. W led him on. Okay, Clarence started, So, like, all the old guys that taught ether would have been put out to pasture. None of them changed their minds, they all woulda thought there was still ether, but nobody woulda listened to em any more. And all the good jobs woulda gone to the Einstein guys, cause they now had the coolest paradigm. You could still hear the g. And so they got all the dough for experiments and grad students and stuff. And everybody woulda written the ether out of textbooks and stopped teaching it to high school and college kids, because of the new paradigm. Again with the g. So how would you describe this paradigm (no g) shift in just a few sentences? asked Mrs. W. Clarence frowned and thought. So everybody in the academy? he looked at Stoney, who nodded proudly, gets set on one way of seeing things. And that becomes, like, accepted, and thats, like, the way everybody teaches it. And everybody agrees that its the, like, right way to look at things. But, like, over time, little things dont add up, and the experiments, like, dont have the kinds of results that, like, prove the story. Then, all of a sudden, a new theory comes along that does a better job of explaining everything. And, um, more of the experiments make sense and stuff. And so everybody, all of a sudden, grabs on to this new story, and all of a sudden, theres a new kind of accepted theory. And it, like, stays in the books, and all of the teachers teach it, until eventually some other explanation comes along and knocks that one out of the box. Um, then that same deal happens over and over. One theory after another. Whatevers accepted now is gonna be replaced by

another one some day. Clarence, frowning, wasnt sure he was done. He thought a minute, then nodded. Wish this was an open book test, he said. Im sure Im leaving out all kinds of important sh. stuff. Stoney gave him a proud thumbs up. Mrs. W? asked Stoney. He nailed it, she said. Stoney leapt to his feet excitedly. Woo-hoo! Stoney cried, and made to high-five Clarence. Clarence frowned unhappily. For Christs sake, Stoney. It was a just a book report. And I didnt get graded, said Clarence. Mrs. W laughed and drained the last few drops of her B&B. Just as you say, said Stoney. Refill time, he said, taking his glass and Mrs. Ws into the kitchen. Henry, you really need to read this book, said Mrs. W. Yes maam. It will explain why your math professors dont like you, she said. Really? I asked. How? What Clarence just described is the operation of the academy. Its members agree on a received truth and they all accept it until a better one comes along. You, on the other hand, dont accept anything, except conditionally. Youre always looking for whats wrong. Your eye is always focused on the pieces that dont fit. Okay, I said. Yeah, I can so completely see that, said Clarence. Far out. Stoney returned with a new B&B for Mrs. W and a glass of ice and a Coke for Clarence. For himself, he had exchanged his Old Fashioned glass of brandy for a water glass full. Mrs. W noticed his portion size but didnt say anything. She sipped her B&B and lit another smoke. So Nixon or TV? Stoney asked. I read Kuhn that night and the next night. Good book. To reconstruct, Mrs. W, Stoney and Clarence all thought, to varying degrees, that the 1970s had seen paradigm shifts in our approach as consumers and interpreters of media, the medias approach to reporting, my approach to dessert, Clarences approach to salad, and politicians approaches to politics. May you live in interesting times.

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