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Malaysian F1 GP - The Running Diary

Welc ome to Malloc h Mans ion f or y our delay ed diar y of the 2009 Malay s ian Gr and Pr ix . Lame c ontr ov er s y has s ur r ounded the s tar t of this r ac e thanks to the dif f us er s being r un by s ome of the teams . Now , s inc e I hav e no idea w hat a dif f us er ev en is or w hat it does , Im going to of f er no c omment on them w hats oev er . Ready f or w hat took plac e her e w e go! 6:30pm Well, its half w ay thr ough OneHDs pr e- r ac e s how and I hav e to s ay its been a monumental w as te of time s o f ar . Ther e ar e tw o main pr oblems w ith the s how . Fir s tly , they ar e r ec apping inf o that ev er y body alr eady know s ... and I mean EV ERY BODY ! The number of times Iv e hear d Rus t s ay A us tr alias Mar k Webber has pas s ed 600,000. Rus t... w e know hes A us tr alian. Get ov er it. A nd s ec ondly , it is hos ted by the w or s t TV per s onality of all time Gr eg Rus t. Thos e of y ou w ho know me per s onally ( pr obably all of y ou r eading this !) know of my almos t legendar y hatr ed f or Gr eg Rus t. I c ould go on all day f or w hy he is a hopeles s , mumbling, f umbling f ool; how ev er I think he des er v es a c olumn on his ow n. So, lets get bac k to bus ines s . 6:35pm A ppar ently ther es alr eady been r ain. This means itll pr obably r ain again. This means ther e w ill likely be loads of c r as hes . A w y eah... 6:37 Rec ap of qualif y ing inter v iew s . I c ant help but notic e that Sebas tan V ettels f ac e is w ay too thin. He looks like hes been put in a gar bage tr uc k and s quis hed f or 10 minutes s o hes lef t w ith a f ac e 15% thinner than any other F1 r ac er . I c hallenge any one to dis pute this s tatis tic . 6:40 OneHDs adv er tis ements ar e at leas t 900% louder than their pr ogr ams . Ev er y time they thr ow to an ad br eak my ear dr ums ex plode thanks to the mas s iv e nois e. Thats illegal by the w ay ... in c as e y ou w er e w onder ing... w hic h y ou w er ent. 6:43 Cam Mc Conv ille is alw ay s s o aw kw ar d on c amer a. He keeps looking as though he has no idea w hat to s ay nex t, but then hell bus t out s ome biz ar r e s tatis tic that y ou c ant help but think that he might jus t know w hat hes on about. Hes dif f er ent to Rus t though w ho obv ious ly has z er o under s tanding of ... w ell... any thing r eally . 6:49 On a s ide note, I had lunc h w ith a mate today w ho attended the Malay s ian GP tw o y ear s ago, and appar ently it is the w or s t or ganis ed s por ting ev ent of all time. The tr ac k is an hour outs ide of the c ity but it takes muc h longer to get ther e and ev en longer to get any w her e ar ound the tr ac k bec aus e it is s o pac ked and the s ignage/f ac ilities ar e ter r ible. I f ound this to be a little c omic al all the s ame. 6:52 I r eally w is h Rus t w ould s hut up. 6:54 They r e s how ing Buttons qualif y ing lap and des pite w hat my mate s ay s about it, I think the tr ac k looks aw es ome. The gr ands tand is s er ious ly impr es s iv e and the tr ac k is a pr etty inter es ting one. The helic opter s hot of the f inal c or ner is s pec tac ular ; I w ould like The Malaysian F1 circuit is a good one.

to v is it ther e one day . Still, I gues s Cambodia in A ugus t w ill hav e to do! 6:55 Tr ac k temper atur e is 38 degr ees w ith 75% humidity ... eugh! Rus t as ks if Webber c an c hallenge f or a podium s inc e hes s tar ting 5th on the gr id. My ans w er : Ill be impr es s ed if hes not outs ide the top 10 by the f ir s t c or ner ! His s tar ts ar e w or s e than Par is Hiltons s inging. 6:58 Dammit Rus t SHUT UP!!!! 6:59 I think Mc Lar ens c ar s look the bes t. The s ilv er makes them look pr etty tough, w hile Fer r ar is r ear w ings make them look like Kens c ar f r om the Bar bie play - s et. A ny w ay , the par ade lap is under w ay , w hic h I think is a bit of a w as te of time. A ny w ay , her e c omes the s tar t! Greg Rust must die.

7:02 Sur pr is e, s ur pr is e: Webber a pitif ul s tar t! He got toas ted of f the line and is w aaaaaay bac k. Button got a hor r ible one too... and Kov alinen has s pun of f !! Hahahahaha tw o w eekends in a r ow he r etir es on the f ir s t c or ner . How pathetic . Button manages to s moke A lons o and it s eems like this w ill be an aw es ome r ac e Ros ber g is f ly ing aw ay f r om Tr ulli. Webber in 7th... w ell, may be his s tar t w as nt that bad. How ev er this giv es y ou an ins ight into how bad his s tar ts ar e; he dr ops tw o plac es and y ou jus tif y it by c laiming Well, it c ould be w or s e... 7:05 A lons o holding ev er y one up alr eady s inc e hes s o heav ily f uelled. Sur ely s omeone c an get him on the mas s iv e s tr aights ? Does any c ir c uit hav e longer s tr aights than this tr ac k? May be Monz a. 7:06 Ok, BBC is s how ing a r eplay of the s tar t: Ros ber g w as on f ir e! He f lew by ev er y one up the ins ide. Button s c r ew ed up the f ir s t c or ner monumentally ; obv ious ly his ego is getting out of c ontr ol af ter his A us s ie w in. BBC als o jus t s how ed Kov alinens c r as h r eplay and it w as c ompletely dr iv er er r or . Ser ious ly , how c an he be a Mc Lar en dr iv er giv en he has z er o s kill? He w as happily dr iv ing in a s tr aight line, and then it w as like he hit a banana the c ar jus t f lew of f the tr ac k. 7:07 Kubic a out! Gr eat times br ing on the c r as hes ! 7:08 Webber is f as t appr oac hing Kimi. This is amaz ing, c ould Webber manage to ov er take a Fer r ar i? 7:09 No. 7:11 V ettel jus t s ped pas t Hamilton. Thats w hat y ou get f or being a s poiled ly ing br at I s uppos e Lew is ? How s it tas te??? A hem... My apologies . Meanw hile ther e ar e mas s iv e s tor m c louds on the hor iz on and Gloc k jus t hit the bac k of Webber s c ar ... Y ou idiot!!!! Dammit, Webber better not get knoc ked out again, es pec ially not by a muppet like Timo Gloc k. What kind of a name is that any w ay ? This is w hat happens w hen Webber dr iv es w ell: I get angr y w ith any one that gets near him. 7:14 Buttons r adio s ay s heav y r ain is ex pec ted s oon s w eet. A lons o is s till holding up 4 c ar s . Dammit, s omebody get pas t him! 7:16 V ettel is on a mis s ion. A lr eady up to 10th and is about to tur n Heidf eld into s tr aw ber r y jam. Meanw hile Webber is making a mov e on Kimi! Im not s ur e if the univ er s e c ould handle Webber ov er taking a Fer r ar i... Rain in ten minutes . Didnt they s ay that 10 minutes ago? 7:18 V ettel has c aught up to Gloc k! Inc r edible... is ther e any f uel in V ettels c ar ? He is on f ir e... and Raikkonen ov er takes A lons o. What c an Webber do now that ther e is a muc h s low er c ar in f r ont of him? 7:19 Nothing 7:24 Whoa!! In y our f ac e Malloc h! Webber ov er takes A lons o... then los es it... then takes it bac k... then los es it... then takes it!!!! Unbeliev able! Pos s ibly the mos t ex c iting 30 s ec onds in F1 his tor y . Webber up to 5th and the univ er s es f oundations ar e beginning to c r umble. 7:25 V ettel pits . The ans w er to how muc h f uel he had? Pr ac tic ally none at all. Unluc ky . Looks like he jus t took on 6 tr illion litr es though s o I gues s hell be out ther e f or a w hile... but hes bac k to 17th plac e. A h, thats a s hame. ( Tee Hee) 7:26 Webber is c los ing on Kimi, I c an f eel the Ear ths tec tonic plates getting r eady to c aus e an Ear thquake at the pr os pec t of Webber ov er taking him... Meanw hile the r ac e leader Ros ber g pits ... c ould be painf ul later on if it r ains in... oh, s ay 2 minutes time? 7:30 Im pr etty ov er how muc h man- lov e the c ommentator s hav e f or the Br itis h r ac er s . I know they ar e the br itis h c ommentar y team, but c ome on guy s , y our c ov er age is ... hold that thought Webber pits f r om 6th... this c ould be ultr a- painf ul... dow n to 14th. Dammit! 7:32 A ny w ay , as I w as s ay ing, the c ommentator s lov e f or the Br its is kind of dis gus ting. A ll I w ant is r ac e analy s is her e, w hic h admittedly is s omething they do pr etty w ell. How ev er s inc e Button is now doing w ell, all y ou hear f r om the c ommentator s is Button this , Hamilton that... blah, blah, blah. Well, Kimi pits and puts on r ain ty r es ... a bold gamble, how ev er if its not going to r ain Kimi is going to go bac kw ar ds f as ter than the Canber r a Raider s f or w ar d pac k. Vettel absolutely destroys Hamilton and sets his sights on Heidfeld.

Canber r a Raider s f or w ar d pac k. 7:34 Kimi is mov ing in s low motion. V ettel jus t s ped pas t him and made Kimi look like he w as s tanding s till... s itting s till... dammit. 7:39 Rain!!! A nd A lons o s pins of f ! Y eah baby let the c ar nage begin. 7:40 Whoa... in they all c ome! It s uc ks to be Bar ic hello; he had to w ait to get ty r es in the pit lane bec aus e Button w as alr eady in ther e. So he jus t s at ther e like a lame duc k w aiting f or Button to f inis h up. 7:41 Webber bac k in 7th. Good times . Hamilton looks like hell... w hoa! Webber ov er takes Hamilton!! The univ er s e w ill pr obably end s oon. 7:42 Hamilton des tr oy s Webber on the s tr aight. Unluc ky Mar k. 7:43 Webber takes Ham.... dammit! He and Hamilton ar e hav ing a s pec tac ular s c r ap. Mar k keeps looking like hes about to ov er take him, then either Hamilton c los es the door w ith the inf er nal dif f us er , or Webber s c r ew s up. Come on Mar k!!! 7:45 Hes got him!! If he c an keep dis tanc e betw een he and Lew is on the s tr aight then hell be f ine... and he does ... This is gr eat! 7:46 Webber takes Heidf eld!! Inc r edible! Webber is the bes t dr iv er on the c ir c uit r ight now . What the hell did he eat f or br eakf as t? 7:48 Well, Gloc k has kept his dr y ty r es on and is dr iv ing at light s peed c ompar ed to the r es t of the f ield. Hes 10 s ec onds a lap quic ker than ev er y one els e. A maz ing! 7:50 May hav e gone a little ear ly w ith the Webber bes t dr iv er c all... Gloc k is ... Or not Webber jus t s moked Tr ulli and is up to thir d! Im r unning out of s uper lativ es her e... but it Webber overtakes Hamilton... hands up w ho saw that coming...

c ould get mes s y s oon. Gloc k is r ight behind him. 7:52 Bar ic hello s pins of f Webber in 2nd! Unbeliev able... but Gloc k takes Webber s inc e hes on the dr y ty r es . Will this las t f or Mar k s inc e hes on w et ty r es ... this c ould end painf ully ... and mos t likely w ill. 7:53 Webber goes in to the pits ... w her e w ill Mar k emer ge?? Im thinking 7th. 7:54 Good s hor t s top f r om Mar k... he c omes out in.... 5th! Not too bad r eally . Damn this is a good r ac e. I hav e a f eeling it w ill buc ket dow n now though s eeing as Webber has c hanged to dr y ty r es ... 7:59 Whoa! Pic ked it like a dir ty nos e! The r ain c omes dow n mas s iv ely . Now Webber has to pit again... I KNEW that w ould happen. Wher e is Webber now ? V ettels gone of f . Saf ety c ar has c ome out. 8:01 The r ac e is ov er ! But Webber s in 4th??? Wow ... how the hell did that happen? Red f lags ar e out ev er y w her e. Unles s the tr ac k dr ies out then Once the rain turned up, the race never had a chance

this r ac e is done. Dammit! 8:03 Ok, the r ac e is only s us pended. Webber might be in thir d??? I hav e no idea w hat is going on. 8:04 Uh no... Webber is in 8th. Dammit!!!! How the hell did that happen?? He mus t hav e s pun of f s omew her e. The univ er s e has of f ic ially got ev en. 8:07 What a hor r id r es ult. Webber at leas t s eems in good s pir its . I s till dont know how he w ent f r om 3r d to 8th in les s than 30 s ec onds ... Someone mus t pay f or this outr age. 8:15 Looks like the r ain has s et in f or good. Itll pr obably be all ov er ac c or ding Rus t: A KA the muppet man. 9:00pm Well, its all ov er . Button w ins another one; and mas s c onf us ion ov er the f inal f inis hing s pots . Im c er tain Webber w as nt 8th... 9:10 A nd w hat do y ou know he w as nt! Webber f inis hes 6th w hic h is pr etty good. How ev er if he didnt pit tw ic e in the las t 4 laps he w ould hav e been on the podium. Still, its Webber and a points f inis h s o Ill take it. Its better than his us ual DNF. 9:12 Well, w hat a r ac e... w hile it las ted any w ay . I hope that the r es t of the s eas on is as ex c iting as this r ac e. It r emains to be s een if Webber c an get one up on the univ er s e. I doubt he w ill... but itll be f un to w atc h.. Clic k her e to email Dy lan about the abov e c olumn. Clic k her e to go bac k to the homepage. Webber lives to fight another day