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The local newspaper funeral notice telephone operator received a phone call. A woman on the other end asked, "How much do funeral notices cost?" "$5.00 per word, Ma'am," came the response. "Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?" "Yes, Ma'am." "OK, write this: 'Fred dead.'" "I'm sorry, Ma'am; I forgot to tell you there's a five-word minimum." "Hmmph," came the reply, "You certainly did forget to tell me that." A moment of silence. "Got your pencil and paper?" "Yes, Ma'am." "OK, print this: 'Fred dead, Cadillac for sale.' "
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions. "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
3) email
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Read this short funny story An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
5) Salary hike
One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary!!!
Dear Bo$$ n thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company. I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon Your$ $incerely, Norman $oh
Dear NOrman,
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed (sigh).
On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again.
On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal." So this is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren;
and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.
7) Missing Husband
A lady went to the police station to file a report for her missing Husband: Lady: I lost my Husband Inspector: What is his height?
Lady: suit/casuals I dont remember exactly Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Lady: Yes my Labrador dog, Calvin, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together. And the lady started crying.. Inspector: Lets search for the dog first!!!!!!!
The Sick child and his mother short funny story A child came crying to his mother and complained that he has severe stomach-ache. She told him, It is because your belly is empty. Come and have some food. The child obeyed.
The next day the mother had a heavy head ache. The child consoled her, saying innocently, Mommy, it is because your head is empty!
On another occasion, the curious child asked his mother, Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey? She tried to use this occasion to reform him. It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey! The child replied innocently, Now I know why your mother has only grey hairs on her head.
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket while the three engineers buy only one ticket.
How can the three of you travel on one ticket? asks a lawyer.
Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats while all three engineers cram into the restroom and squeeze the door closed behind them.
When the conductor comes around collecting tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and says, Ticket, please. The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea. One the way home from the conference, they decide to copy the engineers technique. At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers dont buy a ticket at all!
How in the hell are you going to pull this off? asks a lawyer.
They board the train. The three lawyers cram into one restroom and the three engineers cram into the other restroom.
Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on the other restroom door. Ticket, please!