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September 2011
Personal Excellence is the only reading youll need
to do for continual self-improvement both personally
and professionally! Sharlene Hawkes, Former Miss America,
award-winning ESPN broadcaster
Create
Your Future
Create
Your Future
Six Key Conversations Six Key Conversations
Inner
Excellence
Inner
Excellence
Your
Dream?
Your
Dream?
Peter Block
Author and Speaker
WARNING
This book will avoid you a lot of
headaches, financial & emotional losses
or painful legal trouble. It may even save
your business.
This is not a book but a bible on hiring
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Joy Gendusa, CEO PostcardMania (Inc. 500).
There is a PHD in hiring between the
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It would be a grave error for any CEO to
miss having this book as a ready reference
for making smart decisions.
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Media (a division of eRepublic, Inc.)
Electronic formats available on Amazon.com
This book is the real-world solution
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1 1 09LE
INSIDE
TIMOTHYHARTWELL
Good Decisions ...............................12
TODD PATKIN
Serve with Your Kids......................13
ANDY ANDREWS
Remember .......................................14
ANDY MARSH
Young Warriors ..............................14
PETER BLOCK
Create Your Future.........................15
JONATHAN PARKER
Soul Solution..................................16
JOE SCOTT
Giver or Taker? .................................16
Your Dream?
I t wi l l probabl y change.
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by Conan OBrien
G
RADUATES, TODAY, YOU HAVE ACHIEVED
something special, something only 92
percent of Americans your age will ever
knowa college diploma. With your diplo-
ma, you now have a crushing advantage over
8 percent of the workforcedropout losers
like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark
Zuckerberg.
My first job as your speaker is to illustrate
that life is not fair. For example, you have
worked tirelessly for four
years to earn your diploma.
Dartmouth is giving me an
honorary degree for speaking.
Deal with it. Another exam-
ple: if it rains, the powerful
rich people on stage get the
tent. Deal with it.
Today, I wont waste your
time with empty clichs, like
reach for the stars. Instead, Ill
give you real, practical advice
that you will need to know:
First, adult acne lasts longer
than you thinkI almost cancelled two days
ago because I had a zit on my eye. Guys, you
cant iron a shirt while wearing it. If you live
on Ramen Noodles for too long, you lose all
feelings in your hands and your stool
becomes a white gel. And, wearing colorful
Converse high-tops beneath your graduation
robe is a great way to tell your classmates that
this is just the first of many horrible decisions
you plan to make.
And parents, I have real advice for you as
well: Many of your children you havent seen
in four yearsnow youll see them every day
when they come out of the basement to tell
you the wi-fi isnt working. If your child
majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have
RICHARD DAFT
Inner Excellence ...............................3
VICKI HALSEY
Keys to Learning...............................4
MARY SHUTTLEWORTH
Academic Goals ................................4
GREGORY L. JANTZ
Bridle Your Anger ............................5
DANIEL GOLEMAN
Motivation.........................................6
KAREN OKULICZ
Joy Robbers .......................................6
WILLIAM PELSTER
CEO of Your Career .........................7
JAMES MAPES
Think Before You Act .......................8
DAVID MAXFIELD
Change Anything .............................8
MATTHEW B. JAMES
Donate Extra Weight .......................9
BOB DAVIES
The 1.2 Percent Factor .......................10
DENIS WAITLEY
Your Health.....................................10
JASON W. WOMACK AND LISAPEAKE
Sharpen Your Edge .........................11
BILL DWIGHT
Money Management.......................12
good reason to be worriedthe only place
where they are now qualified to get a job is
ancient Greece. Youll spend more money
framing your childs diploma than they will
earn in the next six months. Its a tough job
market, so be patientin fact, the only people
hiring right now are Panera Bread and
Mexican drug cartels.
One reason its so tough finding work is that
aging baby boomers refuse to leave their jobs.
Trust me on this. Even when
they promise you for five years
that theyre going to leave
and say it on televisionthere
is no guarantee they wont
come back.
But this is not a time for grim
prognostications or negativity.
No, I actually do have some-
thing real to tell you. Eleven
years ago I addressed a gradu-
ating class at Harvard. I have
not spoken at a graduation
since because I thought I had
nothing left to say. But now Im here, 3,000
miles from my home, because I learned a hard
but profound lesson last year, and Id like to
share it with you. In 2000, I told graduates,
Dont be afraid to fail. Well now Im here to
tell you that, though you should not fear fail-
ure, you should do your very best to avoid it.
Nietzsche famously said, Whatever doesnt
kill you makes you stronger. But what he
failed to stress is that it almost kills you.
Disappointment stings and, for driven, suc-
cessful people like you, it is disorienting. What
Nietzsche should have said is this: Whatever
doesnt kill you, makes you watch a lot of
Cartoon Network and drink mid-price
Chardonnay at 11 in the morning.
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Part of Your
Plan and
Performance
System
I NS P I R AT I ONAL DREAM
Volume 16 Issue 9
Personal Excellence is published monthly by
Executive Excellence Publishing, LLC (dba
Leadership Excellence), 1806 North 1120 West,
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Copyright 2011 Executive Excellence
Publishing. No part of this publication may be
reproduced or transmitted in any form without
written permission from the publisher.
Quotations must be credited.
Now, by definition, Commencement
speakers at an Ivy League college are con-
sidered successful. But over a year ago, I
experienced a profound and public disap-
pointment. I did not get what I wanted, and
I left a system that had nurtured and
helped define me for 17 years. I went from
being in the center of the grid to off the
grid. It was the making of a career disaster.
But then something spectacular happened.
Fog-bound, with no compass, and adrift, I
started trying things. I grew a strange, cin-
namon beard. I dove into social media. I
started tweeting my comedy. I threw
together a national tour. I played the guitar.
I did stand-up, wore a skin-tight blue
leather suit, recorded an album, made a
documentary, and frightened my friends
and family. Ultimately, I abandoned all pre-
conceived perceptions of my career path and
stature and took a job on cable with a net-
work most famous for showing reruns,
along with sitcoms created by a tall, black
man who dresses like an old, black
woman. I did a lot of silly, uncon-
ventional, spontaneous and seem-
ingly irrational thingsand guess
what: with the exception of the
blue leather suit, it was the most
satisfying and fascinating year of
my professional life. To this day I
still dont understand exactly what
happened, but Ive never had
more fun, been more challenged, and had
more conviction about what I was doing.
How could this be true? Well, its simple:
There are few things more liberating in this life
than having your worst fear realized. I went to
college with many people who prided
themselves on knowing exactly who they
were and exactly where they were going. At
Harvard, five different guys in my class
told me that they would one day be
President of the United States. Four of them
were later killed in motel shoot-outs. The
other one briefly hosted Blues Clues, before
dying senselessly in yet another motel
shoot-out. Your path at 22 will not necessar-
ily be your path at 32 or 42.
Your dream will constantly evolve, rise
and fall, changing course. This happens in
every job, but because I have worked in
comedy for 25 years, I can speak best about
my own profession.
Way back in the 1940s there was a very
funny man named Jack Benny. He was a
giant star, easily one of the greatest comedi-
ans of his generation. And a much younger
man named Johnny Carson wanted very
much to be Jack Benny. In some ways he
was, but in many ways he wasnt. He emu-
lated Jack Benny, but his own quirks and
mannerisms, along with a changing medi-
um, pulled him in a different direction. And
yet his failure to completely become his
hero made him the funniest person of his
2 www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e
generation.
David Letterman wanted to be Johnny
Carson, and was not, and as a result my gen-
eration of comedians wanted to be David
Letterman. And none of us are. My peers
and I have all missed that mark in a thou-
sand different ways. But the point is this: It
is our failure to become our perceived ideal
that ultimately defines us and makes us
unique. Its not easy, but if you accept your
misfortune and handle it right, your per-
ceived failure can become a catalyst for pro-
found re-invention.
So, at the age of 47, after 25 years of
obsessively pursuing my dream, that dream
changed. For decades, in show business, the
ultimate goal of every comedian was to host
The Tonight Show. It was the Holy Grail,
and like many people I thought that achiev-
ing that goal would define me as successful.
But that is not true. No specific job or career
goal defines me, and it should not define
you. In 2000in 2000I told graduates to
not be afraid to fail, and I still
believe that. But today I tell you
this: whether you fear it or not, dis-
appointment will come. The beauty
is that through disappointment you
can gain clarity, and with clarity
comes real conviction and true
originality.
Many of you here today are get-
ting your diploma at this Ivy
League school because you have committed
yourself to a dream and worked hard to
achieve it. And there is no greater clich in a
commencement address than follow your
dream. Well, Im here to tell you that whatev-
er you think your dream is now, it will prob-
ably change. And thats okay. Four years ago,
many of you had a specific vision of what
your college experience was going to be and
who you were going to become. And I bet,
today, most of you would admit that your
time here was very different from what you
imagined. Your roommates changed, your
major changed, for some of you your sexual
orientation changed. I bet some of you have
changed your sexual orientation since I
began this speech. I know I have. But
through the good and especially the bad, the
person you are now is someone you could
never have conjured in the fall of 2007.
I have told you many things today, most
of it foolish but some of it true. Id like to
end my address by breaking a taboo and
quoting myself from 17 months ago. At the
end of my final program with NBC, just
before signing off, I said: Work hard, be
kind, and amazing things will happen.
Today, I have never believed that more. PE
Conan OBrien is a comedian. This article is
adapted from his Commencement address
delivered at Dartmouth College, June 11, 2011.
Visit Vital Speeches of the Day.
ACTION: Work hard, be kind.
P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m 3
really see the difference. When he
attended a social function with his
wife, she commented, Christophe,
you seem like a different person.
An intentionally repeated instruction
to yourself can modify the hard wiring
of your mental circuitry. Start by repeat-
ing the statements aloud on a specific
morning and evening schedule; over
time begin to repeat the statement in
your mind during daily pauses. Repe-
titions up to 1,000 times a day (about
one hour) accelerate the rewiring.
2. Create a mental picture. Visualiz-
ing a new behavior is used by Olympic
athletes who find that mental rehearsal
adds as much improvement as physical
practice. Visualizing something means
to go through a mental rehearsal of the
desired behaviors that will replace the
critical constraint. Spend a few minutes
in a quiet place imagining how you
really want to give a speech, handle a
difficult conversation, or work on a
challenging project. Visualize at the
same speed you will perform the task.
This provides a vivid visual instruction
to your mind. It works for any activity
you can visualize and rehearse mentally.
Francine, a 36-year-old accountant,
delayed applying to graduate school
because of anxiety about test taking.
She used visualization to mentally rehearse
taking the practice exams with zero stress,
clear focus, and more confidence. It
workedshe aced the course.
Visualization works in all areas of life.
Asalesman reported how visualization
overcame his introverted personality to
sell banking products. He tended to shy
away from calling on new customers,
so developing new business was diffi-
cult. So, every morning for five min-
utes, he visualized himself picking up
his office phone and calling his list of
prospects to set up appointments. My
fears tried to take control, but I persist-
ed. I became calmer and started mak-
ing the phone calls easily, yielding five
additional appointments this week.
3. Think again. Reacting too quickly
without thinking, or overreacting, is the
critical constraint for many people. The
point of think again is to wait for your sec-
ond response, which is typically more
thoughtful, appropriate to the problem,
and displays more wisdom. Michael
Bloomberg once said, The worst advice
that people can take is to react before theyve
had a chance to think. I think we all say
things and wish we hadnt said them.
Ready, shoot, aim is not the smartest poli-
cy. Speed is not good when it involves
blind reaction to a colleague, spouse, or
child. With a little practice, you can pro-
vide an intelligent response that con-
tains insight and wisdom.
Lauren, a sales manager, developed a
reputation for overreacting to bad news.
No one wanted to share bad news with
her, and some people avoided her.
Reflecting on feedback from a perfor-
mance review, Lauren decided to always
think again. She put the brake on her first
reaction and waited for her second
thought before responding. Her second
response was always more suitable.
Jeffrey Katzenberg, head of Dream-
Works Animation, had a constraint of
always trying to be right in the meetings
he led. Pushing his view from the start
limited discussion and inhibited new
ideas. Borrowing an idea from broad-
casting, his solution was to install a five-
second delay on his mouth. This allowed
other people to express their views first
and enabled a more robust and effective
dialogue in Katzenbergs meetings and
better judgment in his responses.
If you are not living your dreams and
reaching your potential, you might be
held back by your critical constrainta
faulty habit or behavior stored in your
unconscious mind that arises automati-
cally. You can correct a critical constraint
with targeted self-talk, creating a mental
picture or thinking again. Through con-
sistent daily practice, you can expect to
see signs of improvement on a 3-3-3 for-
mulasome traction within three days,
a new mental pattern in three weeks,
and an enduring change in behavior
after three months. Youll enjoy height-
ened inner excellence, such as more self-
discipline, less worry, a calm/deliberate
approach, more appreciation, or height-
ened wisdomin short, a happier and
more fulfilled life. PE
Richard Daft is author of The Executive and the Elephant:
Building Inner Excellence (Jossey-Bass), and is the
Brownlee O. Currey, Jr. Professor of Management at
Vanderbilts Owen Graduate School of Management.
Visit owen.vanderbilt.edu.
ACTION: Eliminate your critical constraint.
by Richard Daft
Y
OU CAN FOSTER INNER
excellence in two ways:
1) discover your natural tal-
ent and strengths and then organize
your career and life to use and develop
those strengths; and 2) identify the criti-
cal constraint thats limiting or holding
back the expression of your strengths.
Acritical constraint is an unconscious
habit or reaction pattern that asserts itself
and topples your better judgment. Every
system has a weakest link, and correct-
ing that link can have huge payback by
enhancing the whole system. Everyone
has experienced the collapse of a good
intention in the rush of an unwelcome
desire, avoidance, habit or emotion.
In developing personal excellence in
executives, Ive tested many techniques
to help people remove their critical con-
straint. The techniques are simple, but
require conscious focus and intention to
overcome an unconscious pattern.
When someone finds the right method
for them, the result can be astonishing.
Here are three techniques that have
produced first-rate results:
1. Use targeted self-talk. Mentally
talk to yourself in an intentional and
structured way. Offering clear, repeated
instruction to your unconscious mind
can overcome critical constraints. For
example, I consulted with Casey, a mili-
tary officer, and he developed the verbal
instruction, I am loving people more,
as a way of removing his mental criti-
calness. He repeated the phrase out loud
20 times morning and evening, saying it
with force and intention. He noticed
immediate improvementhe was tak-
ing more time to listen to what people
were saying and what they meant. His
impulse to criticize or to solve their
problem was greatly diminished.
Christophe was left-brained, articu-
late, and well spoken, but he hung back
in work and social settings. His hope
was to put myself out there more. He
started repeating the statement, I am
becoming more outgoing, for the 15
minutes driving to and from work. He
felt almost immediate traction. He made
comments in every meeting during the
first week. During the second week, he
mentioned to a colleague that he was
working on becoming more outgoing.
Her reply surprised him: Yes, I can
TITLE ME NTAL C ONS T R AI NT
Inner Excellence
Eliminate the critical constraint.
Teach your new learning soon to some-
one. Whoever does the teaching is doing
the learning. Youll refine and reenergize
your knowledge through teaching.
Step 5: Gauge and celebrate. Measure
and make merry. Assess how much youve
learned and celebrate. You might throw
a party for yourself, take a me day, treat
yourself to a massage, shop, or hike.
Keep a journal. Synthesize your learn-
ing in a journal. It will show how much
youve learned and embed the learning.
Step 6: Extend learning. Ask, How
can I help others with what Ive learned?
You will reinforce all that youve learned
and help others realize their dreams. PE
Victoria Halsey, Ph.D., is VP of Applied Learning at
The Ken Blanchard Companies and author of Brilliance
by Design (Berrett-Koehler). Visit vickihalsey.com or
email vicki.halsey@kenblanchard.com.
ACTION: Engage in learning.
by Vicki Halsey
M
Y FRIEND, KIRSTY SPRAG-
gon, recently won a
prestigious award for her
public speakingextraordinary, consid-
ering just two years ago Kirsty had
never given a speech. How did she do it?
One day while running, and reflect-
ing on her life, Kirsty realized that she
wasnt happy in her work. She was a top
sales agentyet she knewsomething
was missing. She decided to change
careersand become a professional
speaker. Wisely, she developed a year-long
learning plan and dedicated herself to it
observing and interviewing speakers,
working with coaches and mentors,
writing and delivering speeches. Today,
she is a thrivingand award-winning
speaker. The key to her success: learning.
Think about something that you real-
ly want to do. Write a book? Host a
blog? Master a sport or hobby? What-
ever it may be, learning is essential.
Here are six steps to ENGAGE:
Step 1: Energize. Focus your desires. To
get energized, you must focus on what
you really want. The clearer you are
about your desires, the more your phys-
iology rallies to support you. So, spell
out what you want:
Create a plan. Figure out what you need
to learn and how you can best learn it.
What resourcesbooks, videos, web-
sites, classeswill be most effective?
Who will be your coaches or mentors?
And how and where should you begin?
Watch over your wellness. Energy re-
quires a healthy body, mind, and spirit.
So, eat smart, drink lots of water, exer-
cise regularly, and get plenty of sleep.
Step 2: Navigate content. Start learn-
ing. Once clear about what you need to
learn, and where and with whom you
can best learn it, start learning:
Know your learning stylehow you best
learn. Are you a visual (seeing) learner who
responds to watching videos or creating
charts and graphs? Are you an auditory
(hearing) learner who responds to listen-
ing to others and discussing information?
Or are you a kinesthetic (doing) learner
who responds to moving around and
practicing what youre learning. Accel-
erate your success by using techniques
that leverage your style.
Review early and often, and in different
ways. Each time you review your learn-
by Mary Shuttleworth
M
ANY BRIGHT, CREATIVE
children give up on
their academic goals, frus-
trated with learning difficulties they
cant overcome alone. My personal
experience with despair was caused by
such a dilemma. After overcoming my
study difficulties and achieving my aca-
demic goals, I now enable children to
achieve their full potential by helping
them learn how to learn. I be-
came an educator to touch the
lives of millions of youth with
my human rights initiative.
Grade school was academ-
ically difficult for me, though
I came from a highly educated
family. My father, a Scientol-
ogist, introduced me to Study
Technology by L. Ron Hubbard.
This changed my life, and I went on to
become a teacher and earn a doctorate.
Today, illiteracy is not just a handicap
its a severe disconnect from opportunities.
Many of my students arrive saying, I
hate math, or some other subject. It is a
thrill every time I see the light go on for
these studentsthat ah-ha! moment
when they realize they can understand.
My love of children and the earnest
desire to help them achieve their goals
prompted my concern with human
rights education. Born and raised in
apartheid South Africa, I saw the devas-
tation that results from discrimination
and abuse of human rights. In 2001, I
founded Youth for Human Rights Intl.
(YHRI), to teach youth about human
rights, specifically the United Nations
Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
Although the Declaration was adopt-
ed by the U.N. more than 60 years ago,
human rights issues abound. Ten years
ago, 90 percent of those surveyed could-
nt name more than three of the 30
rights granted by the Declaration. Most
leaders are well-meaning, but they cant
define human rights, let alone enumer-
ate rights guaranteed by the Declaration.
Such vital knowledge must be dis-
seminated. If Edisons secret of electrici-
ty had only been available to the few,
we might all still be living in the dark.
The problem was how to connect the
concepts in the Universal
Declaration of Human Rights to
youth. My teenage son Taron
had the answerget their
attention by using an audio-
visual approach. Following
Tarons vision, we set out to
produce, on a shoestring
budget, the hip-hop music
video, UNITED. We pre-
miered UNITED at U.N. Headquarters
in New York, and its universal appeal
made it a favorite for youth in many
countries, winning awards worldwide.
Based on the success of UNITED, we
developed further human rights educa-
tion materials, inspiring youth from
diverse backgrounds to themselves
become human rights educators. With
these materials, anyone can teach human
rights. Education is a bridge to human
rights and positive social change. PE
Mary Shuttleworth is a human rights activist.
Visit www.youthforhumanrights.org.
ACTION: Achieve your academic goals.
ME NTAL L E A R N I N G
Academic Goals
Dont give up on them.
Keys to Learning
Follow six steps to ENGAGE.
ME NTAL ACADEMICS
ing, the brain releases a chemical, myelin,
that wraps neural connections and hard-
wires the new information into your brain.
With repetition, you create strong connec-
tions; so information is there as needed.
Step 3: Generate meaning. Reconnect
with your desires. Remind yourself why
this new learning is important to you.
Then you can move into the motivating
realm of choice. This work is something
you choose to donot have to do.
Look for meaning. Think about the value
and purpose of what youre learning. Ask,
What will I be able to do or achieve once I
learn this? or How will my life be different
and better? This will boost your energy
and keep you moving toward your goal.
Step 4: Apply learning. Put your know-
ledge into action. Now its time to take
action. Ask yourself, What can I do
today to apply my new knowledge?
4 www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e
P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m 5
It has a best when used by date. The
longer it stays, the more rancid it
becomes but it can be difficult to let go
of anger. As a transformational emotion,
it has the power to define who you
arethe Wounded, the Victim, the
Aggrieved, the Misunderstood. When
you allow your anger to name you, you
give it power over you. Letting go of
anger can make you feel powerless.
Letting go of anger can feel like letting
go of who you are. You need to be will-
ing to let go of anger and forge a differ-
ent identity for yourself, one that
acknowledges your pain but is not
bound to it.
5. Be willing to forgive, even yourself.
Unmanaged anger feeds resentment.
Resentment is at war with forgiveness.
Resentment wants to hold on tight to
anger and considers forgiveness an
incomprehensible abdication of power.
Forgiveness seems weak while anger is
strong. Forgiveness, however, asserts the
ultimate control over your pain by refus-
ing to allow it to consume you. There is
a wellspring of inner strength to be
found when youre able to release your
anger and forgive others. And when you
do, dont withhold that gift of forgive-
ness from anyone who needs it. You
may find the hardest person for you to
forgive is you.
6. Be willing to feel something else
besides your anger. When anger is all
youve felt for a very long time, it can
seem strange once youve released it
from your life. You can feel an odd sense
of loss. But all that space anger took up
is now available for lasting, uplifting
emotions like peace, contentment, opti-
mism, hope and joy. You need to fill in
that space; if you leave yourself emo-
tionally void, anger will find it much
easier to return.
You cant expunge anger entirely
from your lifeit is an emotion and a
reaction youll continue to feel and expe-
riencebut you can manage your anger
so you harness its positives and avoid
being consumed by its negatives. Even if
you are caught up in the public throes of
private pain, you can manage the natur-
al anger you feel, and find the strength
to make positive but difficult choices
and necessary changes. May you find
the strength to protect the vulnerable
from the brunt forces of rage and bitter-
ness, find the path to forgiveness, and
leave room in your life to experience
love and hope again. PE
Gregory L. Jantz, Ph.D., is founder of The Center and
author of Hope, Help & Healing for Eating Disorders.
Visit www.aplaceofhope.com.
ACTION: Apply the six key principles.
E MOT I ONAL ANGE R
able code words for their anger, giving
themselves permission to express it,
while refusing to acknowledge it. The
first key to making a change in your life
is accepting the need exists.
2. Examine where your anger comes
from. That hurt! This chair was pulled
away from the table and its just like him
to be so inconsiderate to leave a chair right
in the way where someone else could run
into it! He never gives a thought to what
anyone else might be doing. I might as well
be invisible . . . just like I felt around my
dad growing up. Sometimes a stubbed
toe is just a stubbed toe. Youre in the
moment and something hurts so you
react in anger. But sometimes the stub-
bed toe gets tangled up in more than
just the moment. In order to manage
your anger, you need to know where it
really comes from. This can be a diffi-
cult process, as you peel back layers of
pain but the fire of anger is often kept
burning by the hidden coals of rage and
bitterness. Youve got to dig deep some-
times to bring them to the surface.
3. Be honest about how you use anger
against yourself and others. Anger is a
powerful and empowering emotion. It
can make you feel invincible, special,
and set apart in your pain. Unleashed
anger, however, has a way of cascading
down the landscape of your life and
relationships like molten lava, scorch-
ing everything in its path. Venting may
provide a sense of temporary relief, but
you need to be aware of who is around
you, including the little people in your
life. Managing your anger allows you
to protect the most vulnerable. Be
aware also that the most vulnerable
person you can protect from your own
unleashed anger may be yourself.
4. Be willing to let anger go. Anger is
meant to alert you to danger and pain
in your world so you can take neces-
sary steps and make positive changes.
by Gregory L. Jantz
I
TS COMMON TO SEE CELEB-
rity or political infidelities
splashed across national
headlines, ala the current iterations
involving the Governator and
Weiner-gate. People are riveted to the
details of the indiscretion, including
any backlash by the aggrieved party.
How will she act? What will she say?
How will he respond? Too quickly it
becomes media circus and political
sideshow but the pain and hurt experi-
enced by the families involved are real
and damaging. There may be nothing
better than a rage-filled, public outburst
to fuel the flames for cable outlets and
front-page headlines but anger is a
powerful emotion that needs to be
managed not recklessly unleashed.
Anger isnt only for jilted spouses;
its for everyone, as a natural human
emotion. When managed well, anger is
motivating, empowering, cleansing, and
effective. When anger is done poorly, it
is addictive, self-perpetuating, alienat-
ing, unhealthy, and destructive. Anger
unleashed but unmanaged takes the
original shockwave of pain and turns it
into a bitter whirlwind of rage that has
no concern for what or who it levels in
its path. It can leave families devastated,
friendships destroyed, and sense of self
suffocated in its powerful wake.
Anger is clearly a part of life. Most
people experience some level of it on a
daily basis. Sometimes, anger is appro-
priate to the circumstances and some-
times it is not. There is a balance to
anger that many people havent learn-
ed to negotiate. I believe it is possible to
live a balanced life, where anger is
experienced and expressed but not hid-
den and hoarded.
Apply Six Key Principles
You can learn to manage your anger
by applying six key principles:
1. Accept the truth of your anger. The
first key to managing anger is acknowl-
edging it exists. Many people, especially
women who have been brought up to
hide or mask their anger, deny they are
even angry. Theyll use words like frus-
trated or irritated. Theyll brush off even
the suggestion of being angry and say
theyre tired or stressed, anxious or
impatient. They have developed accept-
Bridle Your Anger
B e f o r e i t s t r a n g l e s y o u .
They strive to improvetheyre relent-
less learners. No matter how good they
are today, they try to do even better.
There can be a downside to this drive:
you can become a workaholic, so focused
on work goals that you neglect to live a
full life. You can see this in anyone who
has perfectionistic standards (they focus on
what they could have done better, not what
they did well. This striving may be strong-
ly rewarded, but your life suffers. The
price you pay may be in failed relation-
ships, or never taking time out for things
you enjoy, or the health costs of chronic
stress. You can have a life and enjoy yourself,
too. Learn to take smart risks by mastering
the know-how and skills to hit the goal. PE
Daniel Goleman is author of The Brain and Emotional
Intelligence. Visit www.morethansound.net.
ACTION: Examine your motives and motivations.
by Daniel Goleman
T
HE WORD motivation SHARES
its root with emotion, from
the Latin motere, to move.
Motives give you aims and the drive to
achieve them. Anything thats motivating
makes you feel good. Nature gets you to
do what it wants by making it a pleasure.
Your motives dictate where you find
your pleasures. But when you pursue
those goals, you encounter difficulties.
And when you face setbacks and obsta-
cles in reaching goals that your motives
drive you toward, brain circuitry in the
left prefrontal cortex comes alive to
remind you of the good feelings you will
have once you reach that goal. This helps
you keep going.
If your emotional setpoint tips toward
the left side of the brain, you tend to be
more positive in your emotional out-
look. But, you are susceptible to anger
when a worthy goal gets thwarted. You
then get frustrated and irritated, which
is good, because it mobilizes your ener-
gy and focuses your attention on over-
coming the obstacles to achieve the goal.
Right prefrontal activation acts as a
behavioral inhibitor: you give up more
easily when things get tough. Youre also
too risk-averseoverly cautious. You
have low motivation and are more anx-
ious and fearful and vigilant for threats.
The left hemisphere lights up even at
the thought of achieving a meaningful
goal. Left prefrontal activity is also asso-
ciated with something bigger than any
single targeta sense of purpose, the
grand goals that give your life meaning.
What Howard Gardner calls good
work is a combination of excellence,
where youre doing work that calls on
your best talents; of engagement, where
youre enthusiastic, energized, and love
what you do; and ethics, where your
work is aligned with your sense of pur-
pose, meaning, and direction in life.
When I studied at Harvard, my men-
tor was David McClelland, a motivation
expert. He proposed three main motiva-
tors. I think of each as a different path to
activating the brains reward centers and
increasing our drive and persistence:
Motivator 1: the need for powerin
the sense of influencing or impacting
other people. McClelland distinguished
between two kinds of power. One is
selfish, ego-centered power, without car-
by Karen Okulicz
J
OY ROBBERS CREATE GRIEF FOR
you. They are everywhere
a boss, a neighbor, a rela-
tive, a new acquaintance, or a stranger.
They bother you. They test your good
nature and positive attitude. They can
drain you of your self-love and discipline.
You need to focus on your own projects,
your daily work, and your fun.
Why would someone sabotage you at
work, create ill-will in the
family, or disrupt you at your
place of worship? Their behav-
ior stems from their own unhap-
piness and disappointment.
People who are not well tend
to act out and try to rob your
joy. Their joyless view of the
world is not your problem.
An awful boss who is unkind
to you or a relative who upsets you can
rob you of your joy. Learn to recognize
these joy robbers (JRs) and dont allow
them to trap you in their ugly web.
If someone sabotages your work, or
spreads hurtful family gossip, look at
the source. It is not youit is them. If
someone is acting in a crazy way toward
you especially if their behavior might
hurt your family, home, pets, or your-
selfcontact authorities. File the behav-
ior with the police, get a lawyer, or go to
HR, for your safety and peace of mind.
Since you cant out-think crazy, dont
try to go toe-to-toe with them. Youll
never win. They live in crazyland, where
nothing makes sense. If you fix what
they want fixed, theyll focus on anoth-
er thing. Nothing you do will make them
happy. So, dont get pulled into the same
behavior. Also, do not act the way they
make you feel. You may want to scream
at your boss, You are a bully (or worse).
No one likes you. But youll likely lose
your job, and your behavior will make
you look crazy. You may want to post a
sign on your door: Stay away all joy
robbersand you know who you are!
You may even wish these people bad,
for the agony they cause you, but that is
not the best way to get resolution. Crazy
behavior drains and demeans you.
Arming yourself against JRs is taking
care of yourself. You might ask, Why
has this JR appeared in my life
at this time? What have they to
teach me? JRs may direct you
to move, to look for new
work, put up a better fence,
or plan your holidays. They
push your buttons to find a
better way of life. If you need
assistance legally, psychologi-
cally, or spiritually to handle a
JR, get it. And then go forward to the
next new job, new residence, or new
adventure. If you exhibit bad behavior,
you make them the winner. When you
handle issues with dignity and self-
respect, you are the winner.
When you encounter Energy Drainers
and JRs, learn to deflect their insulting
comments, probing questions, and sly
remarksso that they dont harm your
good nature or rob you of your joy. PE
Karen Okulicz is the author of Try: ASurvival Guide to
Unemployment; Decide: How to Make Any Decision; and
Attitude: For Your Best Lived Life. www.Okulicz.com,
call 732-681-6755, or email karen@okulicz.com.
ACTION: Learn to handle joy and energy robbers.
E MOT I ONAL MOTIVATION
Joy Robbers
They drain energy.
Motivation
What moves you?
E MOT I ONAL JOY
ing whether the impact is good or
badthe kind of power displayed by
narcissists, for example. The other is a
socially beneficial power, where you
take pleasure in influencing people for
the better or for the common good.
Motivator 2: the need to affiliate
taking pleasure in being with people.
Those high in this motive are motivated
by the sheer pleasure of doing things
together with people they like. When
were working toward a common goal,
they find energy in how good well all feel
when we reach that goal. Great team mem-
bers may also be driven by this motive.
Motivator 3: the need for achievement
reaching toward a meaningful goal.
Those high in this motive love to keep
score, to get feedback on performance,
whether this means hitting their num-
bers or raising millions for a charity.
6 www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e
P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m 7
forward to your employer as a way to
shape the future of your work and
career. Look for opportunities to stay
relevant in the changing world of
work, where skills needed today may
not be the skills needed tomorrow.
Introducing ideas in a constructive way
is critical to their acceptance. Approach
this process from a practical, business
case perspective. Gather your ideas,
structure a proposal that shows the
benefits to both you and your employ-
er, articulate a plan for implementation,
and agree on how to measure success.
Your plan should include checkpoints
to assess how things are going and ways
to improve. Again, creating a personal
business plan with your employer can
be a powerful tool in achieving long-
term success. Share your plan with sev-
eral individuals who will hold you
accountable. Consider creating a per-
sonal board of directors to whom you
can periodically report your progress
while receiving honest feedback. If you
share your plan, you are more likely to
achieve your goals. Dont be shythis
is a critical step!
As you think about your business
plan, consider the qualities or attribut-
es of those who become CEOs of their
careers. First, they are agile learners.
They take risks while learning new
things. They examine the world from a
perspective of what can be learned
today and how it can be used tomor-
row. They challenge themselves to gain
new skills and to incorporate them
most effectively. They push the bound-
aries of their comfort zone by exploring
uncharted territory. And, they look at
their skills as assets to marketabili-
ties that can be transferred or re-pur-
posed. They assess their portfolio of
skills to ensure a high and ongoing
return on their capabilities and experi-
ences. Finally, they chose their employ-
ers wiselythey do not settle for just
any employer. They pursue employers
that have a reputation for developing
their employees and for being open to a
broad set of goals and personal develop-
ment, as well as embracing flexibility
and career paths that might move in all
directions, depending on the situation.
The metaphor we use for the new
world of work is the latticea concept
that challenges the notion of climbing
the ladder. The lattice model recognizes
that different things motivate different
people at different times based on a
multitude of considerations.
In a lattice way of thinking, you look
not only up and down when considering
your career, but horizontally and diago-
nally as well. Alattice offers a better
model for you to visualize the different
routes you can take to achieve your
view of career success. You can quickly
recognize horizontal or diagonal moves
as a way to achieve long-term success.
As long as you are moving toward your
goal, the absolute direction at any spe-
cific point in time is less important.
When you are creating a personal
business plan for your career, consider it
from all angles, including career-life fit.
Long-term success hinges on the ability
to find the right fit and approach work holis-
tically. There is no single model for
career-life fit. You need to recalibrate
your career-life fit during various stages
in your life, depending on what you
want to achieve and when. There are
times when you will devote most of
your energy to achieving work-related
goals. At other times, you may need
more personal time for yourself or to
care for a loved one.
Take the Mental Leap
Being CEO of your career is first and
foremost a mental leap. It is an affirma-
tion and conviction that you are in con-
trol of your destiny and are mindful of
the necessary steps to stay aligned with
your personal goals and professional
pursuits. This conviction is not depen-
dent on your level in an organization,
your education, or any personal circum-
stance. Rather, it is a way of thinking
about your future and how you can
shape the outcome. It is about having the
right conversations with your employer,
being willing to take risks, embracing a
lattice mindset, and actively managing
your career investments in yourself. PE
William Pelster is Chief Learning Officer at Deloitte.
Visit www.thecorporatelattice.com or email
Dennis@cavehenricks.com.
ACTION: Become the CEO of your career.
TITLE
CEO of Your Career
You ne e d t o s t ar t ac t i ng t he par t .
P R OF E S S I ONAL C AR E E R
by William Pelster
T
ODAY, YOU MUST FUNCTION
AS CEO OF your own
career. Being a career CEO is
a simple concept, but it challenges you
to take ownership of your future rather
than leave things to chance or someone
elses direction. It encourages you to
engage in active, goal-driven conversa-
tions with your employer with respect
to career and timing. Moreover, it
enables you to find the right fit between
work and personal life.
What are career CEO leading practices?
Think of yourself as a portfolio of skills
and capabilities, similar to the way you
may think about managing your per-
sonal finances. To do this, you must first
mark yourself to the market. Take an out-
side-in approach to gauge your value on
the open market. Get feedback from col-
leagues, peers, friends, and family
anyone who knows you and your skills
and will be honest with you. Use this as
a chance to make new connections.
Think vertically, laterally and diagonal-
ly when growing your network and
building your personal brand. Once
you know your value on the open mar-
ket, you can think about option value.
Option value is the most powerful
component of being CEO of your career.
This involves looking at the choices
available to you to determine what your
skills would bring if you decided to
pursue a new opportunityeither with-
in your current firm or at a different
one. Inventory your skills and capabili-
ties, making a thorough assessment that
goes beyond technical skills to intangi-
bles such as leadership qualities and the
ability to inspire and innovate. These
skills are in high demand today. Next
consider your situation. Are your skills
current? Do you need to invest in new
skills to increase your marketability? Is
your current job one you would want to
continue to do for another year, 10 years,
the rest of your life? If not, how can you
make yourself more marketable for a
new position? These are all questions
you need to answer regularly. Also,
think about your passion. What is it that
really excites you and drives you to
excel? As the CEO of your career, you
are in ultimate control of pursuing that
which inspires you. Bring new ideas
of another person, or when I feel that Im
getting even with someone for a perceived
injustice, I will stop, take a breath, observe
my thoughts, and say, Isnt that interest-
ing? I will let all negative pictures, images
and emotions go, return to the present, and
reframe my thinking to positive thoughts.
The statement, Isnt that interesting?
will trigger you to use the Stop method
when you need it and prompt you to
become aware when your emotions are
about to lead you down the path of
doing something stupid or destructive.
The quality of your life determines the quali-
ty of your actions. The quality of your
actions is triggered by your emotionsand
that determines the quality of your life. PE
James Mapes is author of Quantum Leap Thinking. Visit
www.jamesmapes.com or email jim@jamesmapes.com.
ACTION: Think before you act.
by James Mapes
W
HY DO SO MANY PEOPLE
take foolish actions in
the heat of the moment and
then regret their choices? Actions such
as road rage, getting a tattoo, shouting
verbal abuse, making threats, having an
affair, borrowing money that you cant
possibly repay, and Tweeting a provoca-
tive picture of yourself or sextingcause
regret and disappointment. All are dri-
ven in the heat of the moment by emo-
tions and passions. All emotions are
pure which gather you and lift you up;
that emotion is impure which seizes
only one side of your being and so dis-
torts you, wrote Rainer Maria Rilke.
In the dark corners of consciousness
are hidden biases, fear-based beliefs, painful
memories, and negative self-images that
prompt you to act in irrational ways.
Thus, you often make many dumb, self-
destructive, selfish, and unwise choices.
You may be prompted to act on a pow-
erful momentary emotion or feeling, or
blinded by fear or ignorance. Acting with-
out thinking is like shooting without aiming.
Heres how it happens. First, an event
takes place. Perhaps its at the urging of
an influential person, or someone makes
an unsavory remark, bumps into you,
cuts you off while driving, takes advan-
tage of you, or entices you to act with
the promise of pleasure. Next, that event
triggers a thought such as, Ill be reward-
ed if I do this. Or Ill attack and get even.
Or Ill be right. Or Ill be accepted by my
friends or peers. Or Ill beat the system. Or
Ill be promoted. Third, the thought triggers
an emotion, and the brain is excited by a
chemical response. You might become
frightened, helpless, angry, confused,
excited, afraid, pleased, or embarrassed.
Lastly, an action is taken. You do some-
thing dumb or smart. The dumb thing is
to act in the passion of the moment with no
regard for future consequences. The smart
thing is to make a rational choice without
being swayed by the heat of the moment. By
acting out of an emotion, you may cause
your own misery. Calling your boss
names, trying to force someone off the
road, having an affair, or living beyond
your means holds the potential of doom.
The event that triggers harmful emo-
tions may not be your faultstill, you do
have choice in your actions. You can become
instantly aware when you are experienc-
ing an emotion that might trigger you to
by David Maxfield
A
RE YOU IN NEED OF A
career makeover? Are
you asked to step it up in
performance reviews? Is there a discon-
nect between your wanting to improve
and your ability to make it happen? Is
your boss unhappy with your perfor-
mance, but you dont know what you
are doing wrong or how youll change?
We created a model that you
can use to boost your career.
By studying top perform-
ers, we identified three behav-
iors that they do far better:
They know their stuff. They
ensure they excel at the tech-
nical aspects of their jobs.
They hone their specific craft.
They focus on the right
stuff. They contribute to tasks that are
vital to success. They earn direct access
to critical tasks the company values.
They build a reputation for being help-
ful. They are known and respected by
others not because of their frequent con-
tact, charm or charisma, but because
they help others solve problems.
Knowing how top performers behave is
only the first step to improvement. Next
comes implementing these behaviors.
Creating a Change Plan
You might assume that your success
depends on your willpower. Or, you might
regard people who shouldbut dont
change as lazy or unmotivated. Neither
assumption is correct. Six sources of
influence explain why you make the
choices you do and shape your actions.
1. Flash forward to the future. The
best motivation is to visit your default
futurethe career youll have if youre
passed up for promotion. A30-year-old
employee earning $60,000 passed up
for a promotion with a 2 percent raise
will incur a lifetime loss of $59,780.
2. Invest in professional development.
New habits require new skills. Actively
develop the skills of top performers.
3. Hang with the hard-workers. The
bad habits that hold you back are likely
enabled or tolerated by others. If you
are struggling, associate with hard-
working colleagues.
4. Find a mentor. Changing
habits requires help. Find a
mentor who will encourage
your progression and navi-
gate career opportunities.
5. Put skin in the game.
Reward yourself for reaching
short-term goals by tying
small bonuses, rewards or
incentives to your ability to meet your
goals in your next performance review.
6. Control your workspace. Make
developing your new habits easier by
enlisting the power of your surround-
ings. If you would benefit from close
association with another team, try relo-
cating your office space.
When you learn the behaviors of
top performers and then engage all six
sources of influenceyou are 10 times
more likely to succeed! PE
David Maxfield is the co-author of the New York
Times bestseller Change Anything: The New Science of
Personal Success and VP of research at VitalSmarts.
Visit www.changeanythingbook.com.
ACTION: Practice behaviors of top performers.
P R OF E S S I ONAL RESTRAINT
8 www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e
Change Anything
Get personal with improvement.
Think Before You Act
Or you will regret your choice.
P R OF E S S I ONAL C HANGE
act stupidlyand to Stop and Reframe
your thinking. You can either let events
dictate your negative choices, or you can
control your choices by taking rational action.
You can let your impassioned, negative
emotions hijack your behavior, or when
you confront negative emotions and
thoughts, you can Stop, Reframe, and then
make a more empowering choice. Being
positive and enthusiastic, passionate in
what you do, and courageous in doing
it often leads to positive outcomes.
Try this two-week experiment. In a
journal (notebook or computer), write:
Whenever I feel the powerful emotions of
blame, self-pity, fear, anger, or have nega-
tive judgmental thoughts about myself or
others, when I blame myself or others, or
whenever I doubt myself or feel guilt or fear
I will be aware of my thinking. Whenever
I feel that Im deceiving or taking advantage
P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m 9
your weight to the universe.
Language can cause you to pro-
crastinate. People often say I will
start my diet tomorrow. But your
subconscious cant process that con-
cept. Linguistically, if you tell yourself
you will start to diet or exercise
tomorrow, you are programming your-
self to procrastinate. There is no tomor-
row, so start now!
Make Your Goals SMART
In my NLP courses, I urge students
to make sure their goals fit the SMART
model: Specific and simple; Measurable
and meaningful; Achievable and action-
able; Resources and responsibility; and
Timed toward what you want. Set
goals that are specific, measurable,
and achievable. And act on them now,
using your resources responsibly and
making progress timed toward the
results you want to see.
Aspecific, simple, measurable goal
would be deciding how much weight
you want to donate and by what time.
Keep it simple, by choosing one life-
style change to start, and ensure it is
achievable.
Dont over-complicate things by
trying to do too many things at once,
such as starting a diet, a gym routine
and running all at the same time. A
simple, measurable, achievable goal
would be Im going to walk my dog
every day or Im going to eat three
servings of vegetables each day. Then
you can add new specific and measur-
able goals as you go.
Look at the resources you have and
how you can use them responsibly.
An example might be your time. You
know you have so much time each
day to do what you need to do, so
you carve out a half hour to walk
your dog or run. Or you use your
money resources responsibly to buy
healthy food rather than junk food
and sweets.
Be Clear on the Why
You also need to be clear on why
you want to donate weight or reduce
fat. If you are doing it for anyone else
other than yourself, it likely isnt
going to work. For me, I had to recog-
nize that I was afraid that being over-
weight and unhealthy would affect
how people looked at me. I conquered
my fears using techniques from Huna,
the ancient Hawaiian discipline of
energy, healing and consciousness that
I teach and practice. I began to take
action. I started working out regularly,
and I ate the right foods. Sure enough,
the pounds started coming off.
After a few months, I got down to
about 195, and I decided to celebrate. I
went out for a big meal, and I had my
favorite desert (apple pie a la mode)! I
told myself, Its okay. Ill work out
tomorrow, and I dont have to worry
because I am a changed person, and
Ill never be that big again.
Of course, the re-introduction of
sugar caused me to sleep in the next
morning and have a massive head-
ache. So I skipped the gym and
snarfed down more sugar to feel bet-
ter. Within a week, I was back up over
200 pounds again. How can this be?
I thought. I am a changed person!
Why am I gaining weight?
My internal image of myself was
still of the big me. Each time I said,
I will never be that big again, I was
literally making a picture of myself in
my mind as a large person. Remember,
the mind does not directly process
negatives. I had to focus on myself
as a healthy person. It worked, and I
was able to donate the rest of the
weight and get down to the weight I
wanted to be.
Remember to focus on what you want.
After the image of what you want is
clear, pay attention to your focus on
things around you and on your lan-
guage as you take action toward your
SMART goals. Finally, remember to
have fun. That S can also stand for
smile and sincerity. Practice being
grateful and see what a difference it
can make as you achieve the goals in
your weight donation program! PE
Matthew B. James, Ph.D., is President of Kona Uni-
versity and its training division The Empowerment
Partnership. Hes a master trainer and author of The
Foundation of Huna: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Times.
Visit www.NLP.com or e-mail info@Huna.com.
ACTION: Start donating your extra weight.
by Matthew B. James
A
FEW YEARS BACK, IT
occurred to me that if I
was going to teach people
to be healthy in all areas of their lives,
I should demonstrate this personally.
In fact, when I started teaching, my
grandfather advised, When you talk,
your ears are the closest to your
mouth. So the first person who should
be listening to what you say is you.
Neuro Linguistic Programming
I was reminded of this truism as I
talked about being healthy to a group
in Toronto, Canada, and realized that I
was overweight. At the time I was 230
pounds. If I were 62, that would be
great. But I am 58, meaning I was
obese! So, I applied the tools I teach in
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
to create lasting change to my situation.
NLP is a behavioral technology
guiding principles, attitudes and tech-
niquesthat enables you to create
desired results in life. It is about how
languagethe words and images in
our subconsciousaffects our psy-
chology, physiology and behavior. A
shift in these changes the outcome.
NLP recognizes that your ability to
change begins in your subconscious.
But the subconscious doesnt process
negative concepts. So if you say, I
dont want to weigh this weight, you
may be unmotivated to take action. It
is much more effective to focus on the
positive, on what you want.
After the image you want is clear,
pay attention to your focus on things
around you and on your language.
Focusing on things around you might
include the dreaded scale. Ascale is
helpful to provide feedback. But since
muscle weighs more than fat, at some
point your weight may be increasing
while your fat is decreasing. Realizing
this helps you to focus.
What are you telling yourself? Keep
it positive! This is why I prefer the
terms donating weight or reducing fat
to losing weight. Think of something
that you have lost, like your keys or
your cell phone. What happens? You
find it. You need to rethink how you
label what you do. It feels good to
donate, so think of yourself as donating
TITLE
Donate Extra Weight
Make your f i t ne s s g oal s SMART.
P HYS I C AL WE I GHT
ioral contract. Suppose you contract for
five workouts this week or you must pay
a fine of $100. Now your brain has some-
thing to be in reference to. What is more
painful, going to the gym or paying
$100? Youll likely hold the fine as more
painful and away you go to the gym.
You have just witnessed a behavioral
contract in action. You are still the same
genetic avoidance machine, but you
now win the game with your contract.
Apply this with one small action this
week and watch what happens. Use this
with another person and you will be the
mentor that youve always wanted to
be! Ill bet that you and the other person
will do what you said you would do! PE
Bob Davies is CEO of High Performance Training, and
Master Certified Coach. Call 949-830-9192, email:
Info@bobdavies.com or visit www.Bobdavies.com.
ACTION: Benefit from the 1.2 percent factor.
by Bob Davies
T
HERE IS ONLY A 1.2 PERCENT
difference in the genetic
coding of the genes of chimps
and humans. However, there are major
differences. In any part of the brain, only
about 10 percent of our gene activity dif-
fers from those of chimps. The differ-
ence is very small, but very significant.
Very small differences can create big
outcomes. At 211 degrees water is hot;
at 212 degrees, it boils. Vince Lombardi
said, Inches make a champion. Thomas
Edison said, Many of lifes failures are
men who did not realize how close they
were to success when they gave up.
Yes, little things make the difference.
I can remember as a college football
coach drilling the little thingslike
tucking shirts in, stance and starts, tack-
ling drills, first-step drills, quick-hand
and quick-feet drills. Such little things
accumulate to enable athletes to get off
of a block and make a tackle.
If you are coaching, mentoring, or
developing others, realize that there is
only one small change that you need to
make a very big differencethat is the
small change of accountability.
If the brain was connected to a func-
tional magnetic reasoning machine,
fMRI, you would see what areas of the
brain are using energy during particu-
lar tasks. Show a person a picture and
the visual area lights up. Play some
music and the auditory cortex is active.
When someone makes a commit-
ment, the outer cortex is activated and
then an area of the brain referred to as
the limbic area becomes active. This
means that the individual has declared
their action and now the brain is searching
for emotional memories of danger associat-
ed with that action that may be life-threat-
ening. This is a subconscious process.
The subconscious brain fires 400 times
faster than the conscious thinking mind.
The individual commits to making
so many prospecting calls per day. The
brain sends a signal from the cortex to
the amygdale, a structure in the limbic
area. The amygdale sends a signal to
the hippocampus searching for stored
memories of danger, like rejection. This
is called a cortical limbic loop and the
signal comes back to the conscious
mind first through your physiology, a
knot in your stomach and then through
your thoughts about how busy you are
by Denis Waitley
T
HINK OF YOUR BODY AS A
high-powered, finely
engineered transportation
vehicle, like a space shuttle. Instead of
liquid hydrogen, your body is powered
by your own intakethe food you eat
fuels and energizes the vehicle. What
you put in your fuel tank is burned by
your high performance activity orin
the case of low-octane, junk foodis
deposited in your engine.
Think of your mind as the
driver who takes control of
and steers your body to victo-
ry or hits the wall. Your body
is very much like a car. Drive
it without proper fuel or
maintenance, and it will fall
apart. You take it for granted
to get you where you want to
go, until it breaks down. Then it dis-
rupts your way of life.
Like your car, your body only speaks
to you by exception. You only notice it
when it is damaged or inoperative. But,
unlike your car, the spare parts business
for your body is not a viable option.
To combat disease and aging, you
need to keep your bones, joints, and
muscles flexible and strong. Add exer-
cise with weights to your aerobic exer-
cise. Assess your condition and select
healthy activity. And, be aware that the
effectiveness of exercise depends as much
on enjoyment as on the nature of activity.
As important as daily exercise is
proper nutrition. Eat a low-fat diet (keep
your fat intake to 15 percent of all
daily calories). This will keep you lean
and boost your immunity. Eat a low-
salt diet. Use a potassium-based salt
substitute on the table and in cooking.
Eat a high-fiber diet. Fiber protects the
colon from cancer, lowers cholesterol
and stabilizes blood sugar. Eat 40 to 50
grams of mixed fibers daily, as in
whole-grain breads and cereals, espe-
cially those containing oat bran, veg-
etables and fruits. Eat a low-sugar diet.
Use a little fructose in place of table
sugar. Eat complex carbohydrates in
place of sugar and look for carbohy-
drate drinks sweetened with zylitol.
Drink clean water. Drink bottled or
home-distilled water, as much
as eight glasses per day. Eat
an alkaline diet. Our high-fat,
high-sugar diet creates acidi-
ty. Take daily nutritional sup-
plements including essential
multi-vitamins, antioxidants
and minerals. Supplement
your diet with nutrition to
promote resistance to dis-
ease. Eat the right kinds of foods and
stay away from the fast-food, fat-food
drive-throughs. You are doing yourself
and your children a dangerous, long-
term disservice by developing the habit
of eating high-fat, nutrition-poor meals.
Make your health your top priority.
You cant buy your health or life back
after years of neglecting it while you
earn your living. So, start improving
your healthand thus increasing the
quality and quantity of your life. PE
Denis Waitley is a professional speaker and author.
Visit www.deniswaitley.com.
ACTION: List one activity you will do tomorrow.
P HYS I C AL CONTRACT
Your Health
Take a proactive approach.
The 1.2 Percent Factor
Small efforts create big outcomes.
P HYS I C AL HEALTH
and you just dont have time to prospect.
You need to hijack this circuit. You do
that through a behavioral contract with
accountability that has two parts: the
check-in and the enforceable consequence
for non-performance.
You are genetically coded to avoid the
highest level of perceived pain. This is not
an optionthis is an instinct. The key is
to make this avoidance the actual execution
of the desired activity. Heres how to do it.
Suppose you commit to exercise five
times this week. Its Sunday, your com-
mitments are due, and you have only
worked out four times. You dont feel
like going to the gymall you want to
do is just relax. Your brain searches and
finds how painful and inconvenient
exercise is. Before you avoid it, howev-
er, your brain verifies that the highest
level of pain is to violate your behav-
1 0 www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e
P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m 1 1
that take your time, your energy and your
focus. It may be a simple list you keep
next to your computer, or a note on
your computer desktop. It helps to
overdo this inventory, so that later you
can plan to change some of the perfor-
mance issues that might otherwise go
unseen or unaddressed. If possible, sit
down with a mentor or co-worker as
you explore this topic.
Take control of interruptions by having
upfront agreements about when youll
check in about key projects with key team
members. Designate a window of time
each day that you are open for inter-
ruptions. Communicate clearly when
you want focus time, and ask others to
minimize interruptions at that time.
Allocate your energy wisely. If youre
highly creative in the morning, block
out uninterrupted time then. Master
your email flow. You can eliminate
reading and re-reading emails by pro-
cessing each incoming email through
to a decision about the next step, before
closing it or filing it. Stagnant emails
drain your energy, and create resistance
to your most important things. If you
have a backlog of emails, take an hour
to purge and process them. Be a meet-
ing master. Start and end on time. Send
agendas in advance so attendees can
review the key points. Know when to
take breakout conversations offline
and setup follow-up one-to-one meet-
ings as needed. Be prepared with two
or three quick tasks you can do while
waiting for the meeting to start.
3. Stop doing crap (what takes too
much time, energy, focus). Youre where
you are, doing what you are doing,
since its comfortable. You might dis-
agree, saying that youre stressed out,
or youve not had enough sleep lately
because of a big project. But, youre
comfortable being uncomfortable.
When things are moving along well,
you tend to stay where you are. It may
be a bit uncomfortable, but not enough
to make any changes.
Be careful of your routines and habits. If
there is something that youre doing
because youve always done it, step back
and ask if the relative effort is worth the
perceived payoff. Consider these areas
where you might be spending too much
of yourself: going to disorganized meet-
ings, requesting submitted work be
redone, re-explaining delegated work.
Decide which things youll address this
week. Discuss the topic with a coach or
co-worker. Identify one thing you might
do differently, for five days. To coach
yourself, ask: Am I the best person to do
this? (If not, who is?) Is this the most
important thing for me to do right now?
(If not now, when?) What are the priori-
ties for today (this week or month)?
4. Be consistent. Say what youre
going to do, and do what you say. You
have to commit. The only way to gain
trust and buy-in from yourself and your
team is to say what youre going to do
(communicate your agreements) and do
what you say (keep them). By writing
down a goal, you quadruple the chances
that youll achieve it. Offload agree-
ments from your brain to your system.
Gain altitude regularly. Review what
you write down regularly. Look at
everything youve agreed to, and find
out what your long-term desired out-
comes are. Is what youre doing daily,
weekly, monthly, aligned with what you
want to accomplish? Adjust as needed.
Tweak how much time, energy, and
resources you spend on different areas
of your life to match your goals. By tak-
ing the time to gain altitude, you can
better identify the next best action to take.
Renegotiate as needed. When you real-
ize youve committed to something that
wont happen, tell the others involved
right away. Renegotiate as soon as you
see a yellow lightnot when its red.
Ordinary actions lead to extraordinary
results, when done consistently. Your per-
formance and productivity are the
results of coordinating your focus and
mindset with actions you can repeat
and do repeat, consistently. By looking,
again, at your Most Important Things,
youll identify the areas of your life and
work that deserve attention. The best
improvement youll achieve, this year
and the next, will occur when you break
those big things down into daily, weekly
reviewable actions. PE
Lisa Peake is a productivity coach, and Jason W.
Womack is an executive coach, author and speaker
on productivity. Visit WomackCompany.com.
ACTION: Gain a productivity edge.
TITLE
Sharpen Your Edge
Enj oy consi st ent peak per f or mance.
F I NANC I AL E DGE
by Jason W.
Womack and
Lisa Peake
Y
OU CAN FEEL TIME SLIPPING AWAY. THE
summer has gone by in a blur. You
know what needs to be done, so now,
how do you do it? Are there secrets to
being more purposeful, productive, and
profitable? We promise you: Any one of
these four tips will ease a path to success.
So, pick one to practice with this week.
1. When youre at work, work. If your
work is always right thereon the job or
off, while youre commuting or out to
dinner with family and friends, a part
of your mind could wander to your to-
dos. The solutioncall it all work. If
youre at dinner, pretend for 10 minutes
that you are meeting with your team.
Youd be focused, and prepared with
some topics for discussion. If you con-
sider going out to dinner work, then you
just might focus more intently and be
more available to those around you.
Staying focused on what youre doing
no matter what youre doingis easier
if you follow a few simple rules:
Minimize external interruptions. Turn
off beepy reminders, unnecessary alarms,
and set your chat status to away. Block
out the world when you need to. Learn
to capture thoughts and ideas as they
show up, then get right back to your
focus. Get the thoughts down quickly
(jot notes on paper, use a digital camera,
or send yourself an email), then re-focus
on whats going on right there.
Dont walk away from any meeting, in-
cluding a personal conversation where
work is addressed, without asking: Is
there anything to do now that weve
talked? Who will do it? If youre spend-
ing more than an hour a week debrief-
ing meetings, then the real work of the
meeting isnt getting done effectively.
2. Get better at what you do a lot of.
What gets in the way of you being as
productive as possible during the day?
Do you attend many meetings? Do peo-
ple interrupt you constantly? Do you
receive dozens (or even hundreds!) of
emails daily? Whatever you do a lot of,
get better at that. Dont be so busy han-
dling the day-to-day that you forget to
step back and see the possibilities.
Start next week by identifying the things
deposits in non-spending accounts in
the Bank of Mom and Dad. You can
make the rates or matching contribu-
tions as generous as you like. Teach
them the power of compound interest.
7. Split between spending, saving and
giving. Create a healthy balance between
spending, saving/investing and giving.
Agree how income will be split between
these different areas and direct the funds
into separate accounts in the Bank of
Mom and Dad as soon as it comes in.
8. Hold a monthly money meeting.
Review a bank statement, savings goal,
and budget with your child regularly as
a way to maintain an ongoing, practical
dialogue about personal finance.
9. Set up a Family 401(k). If your
teen just landed his or her first part-
time job, start a Family 401(k). Thats
where the parents (grandparents, or rich
aunt) agree to make contributions to a
teens Roth IRA. They match some per-
centage of the teens earned income. The
teens often dont make any actual contri-
butions themselvesat least not at first.
10. Help your Tween establish their
own income. Tweens will learn more by
spending their limited funds, living with-
in their means, not yours. Theyll learn to
weigh trade-offs, make choices, save
patiently, and deal with consequences of
their mistakes. Where your child gets
this income is up to you, but consider
these options: regular allowance, birth-
day money, payments for completed
chores, compensation from outside jobs,
or earnings from a micro-business. PE
Bill Dwight is a father of five children, former software
executive, and creator of www.FamZoo.com.
ACTION: Teach money management to children.
by Bill Dwight
T
WEENS AND TEENS HAVE
money from summer
jobs and are spending it on a
soda here, magazine there, and jeans at
the mall. But, you can help your teen to
end up with money in their savings
and teach them the important money
management skills. Here are 10 tips:
1. Make a savings plan, and track
progress. Does your teen have her eye
on a big purchase? Maybe an iPad?
Have them make an explicit savings
plan that includes how much shell save
each week (like 50 percent of her
allowance and an extra $10 from week-
end babysitting) and how long it will
take to reach the goal if she stays on
track. Review progress along the way.
2. Make a family loan. Instead of giv-
ing a big ticket item, like a laptop to
your teen outright, consider setting up a
long term loan with payments each
week coming from a percentage of his
income. This can be an excellent way to
teach the value of a dollar. Kids tend to
take better care of things theyre still
paying for week in and week out.
3. Pay back big mistakes in install-
ments. Has your teen driver just
received that first ticket? First fender
bender? Huge phone overage charge?
Your teen may not have the money to
pay off a big transgression right away,
but if you pay for it, keep track of the
amount and have your teen pay you
back in installments over time.
4. Share hidden costs. Teens often
dont appreciate all of the hidden costs
in life. If your teen is benefiting from a
shared service (like a cell phone family
plan), consider holding him responsible
for his share or extras (like overage
charges or replacement insurance).
5. Make a budget, and spend within
it. Take some area of spending that you
are handling on behalf of your child
(like clothing) and: 1) have your child
propose a budget and refine it as neces-
sary; 2) give your child an allowance
equal to the budget; 3) turn the spend-
ing decisions over to your child (you
may have to veto some purchases, but
try to stay out of the way); and 4)
require that your child stay within bud-
get and deal with the consequences of
the inevitable bad purchase decision.
6. Create incentives for saving and
giving. Award interest or match their
by Timothy Hartwell
S
OME VOICES IN YOUR HEAD
condemn you and find
you guilty of not doing enough
or doing things differently. You cant change
your past, but you can affect your future.
Through many challenges, having lost
my father when I was 14, Ive learned
that with a strong work ethic, we can
achieve the potential seeded within us.
The negative messages in
your mind may tell you that
youre not good enough, youre a
failure, youre incapable of doing
a certain thing, and youll never
get out of debt, or come out of a
particular situation. When you
repeat in your mind past events,
you are distracted. If you focus
on negative messages or your
past failures, you will never get to your
true purpose or reach your destiny.
Examine how you respond. Do you
see opportunity for learning, improve-
ment, and success? Or, do you view
most situations as another chance to fail?
Use truths in place of the perceived fact
or interpretation of eventsespecially
failure. Your responses (positive) or reac-
tions (negative) to any situation are usu-
ally based on your interpretation (belief)
of an experience. These experiences can
be seen, heard, or handed down to you, and
these beliefs can have a positive or neg-
ative impact on your thinking, depend-
ing on the interpretation. The interpretation
can also shape your view of life, and
drive your performance.
You can live a life filled with love,
joy, and peace. Live a life of forgiveness
through the truth, and nothing you can
do will separate you from the love you
were designed to have once you invite
that truth to be a part of your life.
Serving others in love will accelerate
your progress. The enemy of your
future wants to make you think you
cant be loved or forgiven, and wants
you to focus on past failures and pains;
but if you stay distracted by the past,
youll never progress with life the way it
should be for you. Failing in anything
when you made the effort is not failure,
but merely a learning experience.
However, you may devel-
op certain patterns that can
be detrimental to achieving a
particular goal. Ask yourself:
Do I set unrealistic goals? Do
I expect too much from myself?
Do I try to imitate others? Do
I feel isolated at social gath-
erings or group meetings?
Am I timid and afraid to take
the risk? Am I afraid of success or fail-
ure? What does success mean to me?
Perhaps when you tried things in
the past, they did not work out for you.
Maybe you tried a business, and it
went bankrupt. So you fear youll fail
again because you focus on that which
is behind you, not on what is ahead.
Dont ever believe you are meant for
failure or sickness, or to be stuck or
unproductive, that it is the will for
your life; its simply not true. As Zig
says, You were born to win. PE
Timothy Harwell is author of Live Your Destiny Now,
Not Later. Visit www.destinyglobalseminars.com.
ACTION: Make wise responses and decisions.
F I NANC I AL T E E NS
1 2 www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e
Good Decisions
Dont be distracted by failure.
Money Management
Teach your children these 10 tips.
F I NANC I AL DE C I S I ONS
P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m 1 3
volunteers for or donates to. Theyll
feel more connected to the cause, and
even tots can be involved, even if it just
means tagging along. Ask your kids to
identify a problem that they want to
fix. You might volunteer to organize a
charity project for your childs class-
room to kick off a giving ganga group
of peers doing charity work together.
5. Reinforce the value of a random
act of kindness. Kids need to see that
having a heart for others, at its core, is a
way of life. Show them that helping
someone else and not expecting any-
thing in return can happen anytime,
anywhere. Often small everyday acts
give you the biggest returns in terms of
fulfillment and happiness. Guide your
kids by pointing out opportunities for
them to take the initiative in engaging
in random acts of kindness. When
shopping, encourage them to help an
elderly lady load her groceries, and
then offer to return her cart. Likewise,
prompt your child to hold the door for
a woman pushing a baby stroller. Soon,
theyll take the initiative on their own!
6. Explain that philanthropy is not
one-size-fits-all. Tailor philanthropic
work to a childs personality and inter-
ests. Also, explain to your child how
different people and situations have differ-
ent needs. Some might want a hot meal,
while others may want someone to lis-
ten to their problems. Some places need
clothes, while others benefit more from
monetary donations. Help her to under-
stand why its important to match her
talents, passions, and beliefs to these needs.
7. Theres no substitute for real-
world experience. If your children can
see where their donations are going
and how theyre helping others, the
giving experience will be much more
real. Consider taking a family trip to
visit recipient organizations so that
your children can see where the money
goes. Youre more likely to stay involved
in philanthropy if you can see how your
efforts are making the world a better
place. To keep the memories fresh, make
a scrapbook of your childs volunteering
experiences. Look for real-world philan-
thropic opportunities that connect to
your childs interests and activities.
8. Make it a family affair. When you
give back as a family, your kids will see
you as role models. Youll grow closer to
each other. Commit as a family to spend
two days per month working with a
charity or doing something to help oth-
erseven if that just means helping out
elderly neighbors or volunteering at the
church yard sale. You might also work
together to raise money for a walk,
fundraiser, or other project, then walk
together on race day, or go together as a
family to present the money youve
raised. After projects or events, talk
about what youve done, how it made
you feel, and how it helped others. Help
your kids to acknowledge the accom-
plishment and the good feelings.
9. Help your kids to focus on how
good it feels to give back. When kids feel
good about something, theyll want to
do it again. In fact, that good feeling will
motivate them to continue helping oth-
ers. Help them to focus on how fulfilled
they are when they are doing something
to help others. Talk about the excitement
they feel on the way to donate that box
of toys, or how happy they are when
they are thanked for serving food at the
local soup kitchen. Talk about those
experiences often to remind your chil-
dren of how wonderful they are. This
gets them hooked on helping!
10. Ensure that your expectations are
realistic. You cant expect your kids to
always want to donate their toys or to
sit still and pay attention through every
event or presentation. Be aware of your
childrens ages and capabilities. Dont
become discouraged if they dont jump
at the idea of volunteering on a Saturday
persevere even if they ask to stay at
home. Any good behavior takes time to
cultivate. You want them to relate their
experience as a positive onenot one in
which they let you down.
Teaching your children to be selfless,
empathetic, and generous is as impor-
tant as donating your own time and
money. Youll be amazed at how
rewarding it is to raise philanthropists,
and how much stronger giving back
makes your relationships. PE
Todd Patkin spent 18 years helping to grow the family
business and sold it to Advance Auto Parts. He is
author of Finding Happiness (StepWise Press). Visit
www.findinghappinessthebook.com.
ACTION: Involve your children in regular service.
by Todd Patkin
Y
OU MAY THINK THAT THE
current generation of
kids is growing up selfish or
ungrateful, and reluctant to help others.
Yes, they are more me-focused, but its
not all their fault. They arent being cul-
tivated by ustheir parents, teachers,
mentors, and community membersto
be a very thoughtful generation.
Youth arent inherently selfishthey
just need guidance toward a more giv-
ing-oriented path. Often kids arent sure
how to help others and give back. So,
start a service tradition early. Parents
and grandparents can cultivate a desire
to help others. If kids see you giving
back, theyll learn that behavior.
Here are 10 ways that you can get
your children to go from selfishness to
selflessness and start giving back:
1. Explain philanthropy to your kids.
Help them realize that giving back does
not just mean donating money, and that
generosity is not limited to giving away
things you no longer want. Explain the
why behind charity workwhy you do
it, and who it helps.
2. Start earlydont wait until your
kids are older. Children can learn empa-
thy at an early age, so look for teaching
moments. Encourage children to share
with one another. Find ways for chil-
dren to volunteer their time at any age,
year round. They can donate a portion
of their holiday or birthday money to a
charity, choose a toy to donate to needy
children, or visit nursing home residents.
3. Make it a part of everyday life.
When it comes to giving back, there is
no better time to start than now, using
what you already have! You dont need
to possess unlimited time or money to
get involvedyou can find small, sim-
ple ways to make helping others a part
of your daily routine. Philanthropy isnt
just about making big-money donations
and founding orphanageseveryday
efforts can also have an incredible impact.
If youre shopping with your children,
for example, buy an extra bag of pet food
and drop it off at the humane society.
4. Get kids involved. The more your
children become involved in philan-
thropy, the more theyll be invested in
what youre doing. Let them help
choose which organizations the family
TITLE
Serve with Your Kids
Involve them in philanthropy in 10 ways.
S E RVI C E FAMI LY
I urge you to take advantage of the
wisdom in your midst before it is too
late. In your neighborhood, find the 80-
somethings who served in the war and
give your children the chance to learn
from them. I want my sons to know that
they can choose the way in which they
live their lives and fight for that right if
they must . . . that they can choose to sac-
rifice time or money or life itself so that
their families or others whom they might
never know may prosper. I want my boys
to be grounded in the examples contained
in the wisdom of their grandparents. PE
Andy Andrews is a speaker, and a New York Times
Best-selling author of The Travelers Gift and The Noticer.
Visit www.AndyAndrews.com.
ACTION: Honor those who serve in the military.
stories of our Greatest Generation are fading.
There seems to be no time or desire for
families and neighbors to gather and
love and listen to each other. Our back-
yards are barricaded with fences, our
front yards dont welcome visitors with
porches, and our old people have been
silenced, taking their storieslessons
that could save our livesto their graves.
As an amateur historian, I know how
easy it is for history to be rewritten.
Those with any agenda can shift and
change an event to make it fit the point
of their movies, books or stories. So, my
wife and I are insuring that our boys
grow up with a unique perspective
the unvarnished truth. Without it, how
can our children make a bright future?
by Andy Marsh
I
REMIND YOU OF THE YOUNG
men and women who are
stationed around the world
today on your behalf. Because of the nature
of the conflicts were involved in, young
men are being subjected to danger now.
To some extent, this must be the case if
were to remain a free and independent
people, as well as underwrite safety and
stability in the world. Though, tragical-
ly, there is a young warrior alive
today that will not be alive
tomorrow. Next week, his name
will be chiseled on a granite
slab in a park in his home-
town, memorializing the sac-
rifice he is making now.
He has a proud legacy to
upholda legacy created by
those who have served before
him. In Europe and the Pacific, in East,
Southeast, Central, and Southwest Asia,
they served as he is doing today. I can
think of no better way to honor his sac-
rifice than to define it, recognize it, and
to profile the man who is making it.
This young man is 19 years old, born
in 1992 and graduated from high school
last spring. He was in the 3
rd
grade in
2001. He played sports and loves being
a member of a team. He enlisted his
senior year and left after graduation to
go to boot camp. He finished his train-
ing last summer and was sent to his new
unit in the fall. He arrived at his station
and was read the riot act by his new
noncommissioned officers but enjoyed
the time in a new place with all of his
new friends. He spent the winter and
spring training in the California desert.
In preparation, he was taught and
mentored by his leaders and was given
the finest training and equipment avail-
able. After returning to his station, he
went home for a week to say goodbye
to his family and friends and, consider-
ing he doesnt own a car or any furni-
ture, he packed what little he owns into
government storage. He boarded com-
mercial airliners with the thousand
other young men of his battalion and
flew to Europe, then to Asia. There, he
boarded an Air Force transport plane
and flew to a windswept airfield in the
middle of the desert. He then boarded
helicopters with the 38 other young
men in his platoon and landed in a
dusty field next to the mud-
walled compound where he
has lived since. He has hiked
hundreds of miles and endur-
ed the physical challenge of
his young lifetime. He spent
today patrolling and is tired.
Hell be replacing his buddy
on watch shortly and is
checking his equipment in
Afghanistan and taking his post.
Pray for him. Pray for this young
warrior tonight, as he does our bidding
at the far side of the world. Pray that
he will have the strength to do his duty
and, should the unthinkable happen, to
bravely go to God, comforted by the
knowledge of our love for him and
nobleness of his cause. Pray for his
family, that they will find solace until
they join him again in the life to come.
And finally, let us pray for ourselves.
Pray that we be given the strength to
lead lives worthy of the sacrifice this
young man is making for us. PE
Andy Marsh is a Captain in the U.S. Marine Corps.
This article is adapted from his speech at Memorial
Day Parade. Provided by Vital Speeches of the Day.
ACTION: Live worthy of the sacrifice of soldiers.
Young Warriors
They may be dead tomorrow.
by Andy Andrews
O
VER THE CENTURIES, WARS
have been fought for
land or women or money.
Millions of people have died in battles
caused by jealousy, insult, or hate. Often
men have fought because a king or
president or someone told them to fight.
In the Civil War, when Col. Chamber-
lain told David Ponder why he fights
for the North, he said: This is the first
time that men have fought to set anoth-
er man free. We pay tribute to these
men and women, as we remember the
past and pray for the future. We need to
show the men and women in our armed
forces that we support them, honor them,
and keep them in our hearts until they are
home safe. We reflect on the many who
have been lost, remembering that they
died defending our country and its free-
doms, protecting innocent people.
I am close to the heart of our military
and their families, since I often serve as
the last person to address the Special
Operations Squadron Commanders and
their spouses before they are deployed.
I tell them: There are generations yet
unborn, whose lives will be shifted and
shaped by the moves you make and the
actions you take. The battles that our
heroes in the armed forces are fighting
in far away places change our lives.
Remain humble and grateful for those
who serve to protect you today.
When I was growing up, the 4
th
of
July, Independence Day, was uniquely
celebrated with firecrackers, homemade
ice cream, ribs on the grill, long summer
evenings at the lake or a swimming
pool, or even in our own backyard.
Everything about the Fourth was
more relaxed. Daddy cooked. Mama
laughed with her friends. My grandpar-
ents were there. Familieswhole neigh-
borhoodswould gather to re-connect.
Later, when it was dark, we could
hear the adults talk about the time dur-
ing the war. Theyd remember out loud
about crackly newscasts from Europe
and victory gardens and the ways folks
helped each other here at home. They
talked about places like Italy and France
and Saipan. It all seemed dark, wet,
mysterious, and far away.
Its even farther away now. My boys,
Austin and Adam, eight and ten, lost
their last grandparent this year. The true
S E RVI C E HONOR
Remember
Honor those who serve.
S E RVI C E WAR R I OR S
1 4 www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e
T
O TRANSFORMYOUR LIFE, YOU NEED TO BE OPEN
to an alternative future and engage in six
conversations that are aimed at building
accountability, commitment, and community.
To open yourself to an alternative future,
start with the invitation conversation. Sequence
isnt critical. However, some conversations
are more difficult than others, especially
when you are just beginning to engage with
one another. Certain conversations are high-
risk and require a greater level of trust among
people than others to have meaning, so start
with less-demanding ones.
Invitation conversation. Transformation
occurs through choice, not mandate.
Invitation is the call to create an alternative
future. What is the invitation you can make
to participate and own the relationships,
tasks, and process that lead to success?
Possibility conversation. This focuses on
what you want your future to be, as opposed
to problem-solving the past. It frees you to
innovate, challenge the status quo, break new
ground, and create new futures.
Ownership conversation. This conversation
focuses on whose task is this? It asks: How
have I contributed to creating current reality?
Confusion, blame, and waiting for someone
else to change are a defense against owner-
ship and personal power.
Dissent conversation. This gives you the
space to say no. If you cant say no, your yes
has no meaning. Give yourself a chance to
express doubts and reservations, as a way of
clarifying your roles, needs and yearnings
within your vision and mission. Genuine
commitment begins with doubt, and no is an
expression of finding your space and role.
Commitment conversation. This conversa-
tion is about making promises to others
about your contribution to the success. It
asks: What promise am I willing to make?
And, what price am I willing to pay for suc-
cess? It is a promise for the sake of a larger
purpose, not for personal return.
Gifts conversation. Rather than focus on
deficiencies and weaknesses, focus on the
gifts and assets you bring and capitalize on
those to make the best and highest contribu-
tion. Connect with your core gifts that can
make the difference and change lives.
These six conversations are vital to take
responsibility for shaping the future. PE
Peter Block is author of Community: The Structure of Belonging,
(Berrett-Koehler). Visit www.designedlearning.com.
ACTION: Engage in these six conversations.
What can one person do?
One act of community
service can spark thou-
sands more. Dont tell me
that one person cant make a differ-
ence. I know better. As a communi-
ty activist and lifelong volunteer, I
recently learned how one act of
kindness can set off a chain reaction
that can span the globe. It started
with me asking a pet food compa-
ny for a donation of dog food for
Red Lake Rosies in Minnesota,
since Im a professional dog trainer
and owner of a pet care business. I
called Solid Gold Northland (SGL),
and a marketing manager said that
they were trying to increase the
number of people who liked them
on Facebook, and that if I could get
40 new Facebook members to click
on their like button, theyd give me
$200 worth of pet food.
Since I volunteer for six differ-
ent community groups, I sent a
message to all my Facebook friends
inviting them to SGLs fan page on
Facebook. Somehow. The invite
made it to the Facebook page of
The Patrick Miracle, a page devot-
ed to the story of a two-year-old pit
bull found by a janitor in a dump-
ster. Their Facebook page has
charted over 109,000 like clicks
from users. When the founders of
the page posted my invite, SGL
received more than 2,000 new fans
worldwide in just 48 hours.
When I contacted them the next
week, they were blown away by
how quickly the response took off.
As a result of the combined out-
reach, SGL and Chuck and Dons
Pet Food Outlet have committed a
donation of $2,000 worth of pet
food, and Ive helped to forge new
friends who care about the same
things. And it all started with a
simple posting on Facebook
because I wanted to help a local
animal shelter. Its been magical.
Although I work hard in my
volunteer activities, I love serving
my community. The people who I
serve with all share my values and
world view, and they are my
friends and my family. The people
and the activities fill my life with
fun, joy, and a purpose I could
never have achieved any other way.
I encourage you to volunteer your
service. Its doesnt take much time
or effort to start a movement. It
happened to me, and it can happen
to you. Give it a shot. Community
service is its own reward.
Lisa Sellman, author, dreamcatcherpress.us
Everyone has individual
goals, but only about 3
percent have a well-bal-
anced goals program. An
individual goal could be something
as simple as getting to work on
time or losing 10 pounds. Agoals
program is a different matter. One
reason why people do not have a
goals program is an unrealistic or
imagined fear that causes them to
believe that their efforts will pro-
duce failure, so it is safer not to try.
This fear, based on false assump-
tions, prevents most people from
setting realistic but worthwhile
goals. They dont see that failure is
an event, not a person. Admittedly,
theres risk in setting goals because
you might not reach them, but theres
infinitely more danger in not setting
them. Obstacles are the things you
see when you either dont set goals
or take your eyes off your goals.
Also, if you have a poor self-
image, you see yourself as either
incapable or undeserving of accom-
plishing great or worthwhile things
in your life. The image or picture
you have of yourself dramatically
influences your behavior.
As the 10
th
of 12 children raised
by a widowed mother in a small
town in Mississippi during the
Depression, I thought of myself as
a little guy (small for my age) from
a little town who would struggle all
of his life. I also saw myself as
being mediocre as a student. It
wasnt until I was in college, taking
a course from a professor who was
a friend of the family, that I made a
serious effort to excel. I spent extra
time studying and made an A in
the subject. That convinced me that
I could compete with other students.
I saw myself in a positive light.
When you see yourself in a favorable
light, you perform better. With a
healthy self-image (not an inflated
ego) you set more ambitious goals.
Zig Ziglar, www.zigziglar.com
GOALGETTERS
Character
Service
Physical
Mental
Career
Financial Social
PersonalCOACH
P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m 1 5
Create Your Future
Engage in six key conversations.
by Peter Block
cell, and allow this love to become part
of every molecule of your being. Sense
the relaxation and healing glow in your
body and feel it spreading a radiant love.
If disturbances, distractions, or issues
are on your mind, say to yourself, I ask
the light of my soul to fill all my thoughts
and feelings about these situations. I send
all my thoughts, memories, and feelings the
pure light and blessings of my soul.
Arelaxed quality emerges as you
welcome the peaceful soul presence. Say
to yourself: I allow the source of love to
embrace my heart. I place my heart in the
presence of my enlightened soul so that all
may be healed. These statements are like
prayers and intentionsrequests of the
deepest core of your soul where all good-
ness dwells. Allow yourself to deepen
into the feelings of receiving the love,
light, and healing that lives in your heart.
Drink in the souls qualities and say,
Yes with thanksgiving. Say, Yes to receiv-
ing peace, love, and healing, and ask
them to deepen within you: I ask the pres-
ence of my soul to deepen in my awareness.
I acknowledge the radiance of the soul all
around and through me. Express gratitude.
The soul has a wonderful lightness,
purity, and softness. Any issues that
seemed strong and dominant are now
held much more softly; feelings of light-
ness and spaciousness replace struggle.
The more time you spend deepening
your soul connection, the more youll
feel its qualities and gifts. PE
Jonathan Parker is founder of Quantum Quests Intl., a
spiritual counselor, and author of The Soul Solution (New
World Library). Visit www.JonathanParker.org.
ACTION: Connect often with your soul.
by Jonathan Parker
D
O YOU HAVE A SOUL? IF SO,
can you find it and con-
nect with it, since connecting
with your soul leads to deep peace and
true happiness? Everything is in a state
of motion, evolving into another state.
You arrived at where you are now via a
process that will continue unfolding,
expanding, and revealing continuous
levels of experience well into the future.
Your soul already has all the qualities
that you could desire. By connecting
with your soul, you can bring these
qualities into everyday experience, while
dissolving everything that you dont want.
What interferes with experiencing
your soul are the many filters through
which you experience life. Usually you
think you are an accumulation of all your
perceptions, conclusions, beliefs, reac-
tions, memories, ideas, and all the roles
youve played utilizing your talents and
skills. These comprise your personality
an overlay that masks your soul which
lies beneath it all. And yet these overlays
or identities are so compelling that you
convince yourself they are who you are,
and you lose touch with your deeper reality.
In a true sense, you are already connect-
ed with your soul, and you can often know
and feel the connection when youre attract-
ed to whatever is beautiful, profound,
creative, loving, peaceful, and fulfilling,
whether through people, activities or
nature. You also see the soul reflected in
the relentless pursuit of perfection often
found in scientists, musicians, artists,
athletes, authors, actors, and all others
who seek to attain to a higher potential.
A Soul Meditation
You can begin the journey to your soul
through a meditation. Start with a com-
fortable deep breath in through your
nose, and imagine youre also breathing
in golden light through the top of your
head. As you exhale feel yourself relax-
ing and absorbing the peace and light
into every muscle, organ, and nerve
from the top of your head down to the
tips of your toes. Breathe in light into
every cell. Do this for one minute.
Read the following verse slowly. Say
to your heart, I send you all the love of my
soul. Say to your body, I embrace you with
all the love of my heart and soul.
Invite the souls love to merge into
every muscle and nerve, and fill every
by Joe Scott
L
IFE WOULD BE EASIER IF WE
all recognized there are
only three kinds of people in
the worldgivers, takers, and people who
possess qualities of both (having a mixture
of positive and negative energies). Knowing
how those energies work with others
and in yourself can make your life much
easier. Ive placed the qualities that make
up those energies into a simple graphic
toolThe Joe Dialthat measures them
and gives you a starting place.
Here are my definitions of
the three kinds of people:
Givers. These people are
typically honest and sincere
and have a driving concern for
the world and everyone in it.
Givers feel responsible to treat
everyone with dignity and
respect. They see it as their
duty to leave the world in bet-
ter shape than they found it. The danger
for givers is that they tend to be easily
taken advantage of by takers. Givers
often fail to assess a situation to ensure
their best interests are being protected.
They dont understand the taking men-
tality, nor realize there is a whole class
of people out there eager to take every-
thing they are willing to giveand more.
Takers. Keep in mind that taking in
and of itself is not a bad thing. We must
all have a bit of taker in all of us if only
to afford others the opportunity to be
givers. Moreover, takers are not necessari-
ly bad people. Theyve simply been
raised to be takers by having been given
too much as they were growing up. For
instance, a fourth generation welfare
recipient has no other model but taking.
Pure takers entire orientation in life is
one of receiving, of trying to maximize
the gain in every situation. Ataker oper-
ates out of a position of fear, always
assuming there wont be enough to go
around, always strategizing so he or
she gets his or her shareand more.
Taker-Givers (T&Gs). These folks
strike a balance between taking and
giving, and have a developed set of
instincts about when to give and when
to take. As a rule, they dont want to
take advantage of anyone, nor be taken
advantage of by takers. Courtesy is
both extended and expected in return.
They let you pay for lunch one day but
insist on paying the next time.
They can both lend help and
ask for help. They listen and
talk in roughly the same
measure. They carry their
weight on a team, but dont
allow themselves to be used.
Theyre not excessive with
either lending or borrowing.
They clean up their messes.
About 70 percent of us fall into the
T&G category to some extent, with the
other 30 percent split evenly between
givers and takers. By practicing the
principles of giving and taking in equal
measure, you can revolutionize your
life and workno matter what posi-
tion you may have. The positivity will
ripple outward, changing you and the
people around you. PE
Joe Scott is an entrepreneur who become a successful
contractor and real estate developer, and author of The
Joe Dial. Visit www.friendesha.com.
ACTION: Wisely blend giving and taking.
I NS P I R AT I ONAL S OUL
1 6 www. L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e
Giver or Taker?
Blend the two to prosper.
Soul Solution
Fi nd pe ac e and j oy.
I NS P I R AT I ONAL GI VI NG
Coaching
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