Wake Up To Your Life's Cycle

Porus P. Munshi

When Shakespeare in his play, Julius Caesar, said, There is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries, he knew what he was talking about. Most people don't realise that there are predictable crises that occur at definite stages throughout our lives. There is a pattern in our lives as cyclic as the seasons and almost as predictable. The major tides in our lives come in at ages 29-31 and 4042 (give or take a year). These are either defining periods or periods of crises. Another tide comes in at around age 36-37 and this is usually a period of growth. To illustrate, look at the career of Ajit Baburao Kerkar, legendary former head of the Taj Group. Born 1932; Joined Taj Mahal Hotel, Bombay, 1962 (age: 30); Promoted to General Manager, 1968 (age: 36); Expanded the Taj Group and began his amazing journey of expansion with the opening of Taj Coromandel in Chennai in 1974 (age: 42).

There is either a great deal of inner conflict and turmoil, or a sense of gradual pressure to change building up. As a result, important and farreaching changes are made now. People change jobs or professions; many go back to college or university to further their education. The famous psychologist Erik H. Erikson began studying psychology only at age 31. A number of people get married around now; if already married, some face friction in marriage, even divorce. Some change cities, others countries change manifests in many ways. Strangely, if we do not make these changes ourselves, circumstances, seemingly beyond our control, may come along and create conditions that enforce changes. Psychologists call this the sub-conscious acting through external agents; others call it karma.

While any area of our life can be affected, the areas most likely to be changed are those related to our career or profession. A number of people get dissatisfied with their current jobs and quit around now. Many try to become selfemployed; others try to find a job more in tune with their dispositions even if this means Coincidences? I've seen this pattern repeat itself changing careers. This transition is never easy. with such regularity that I can almost predict It usually takes between nine months and a year when a person is going to for a person to begin to reundergo changes. Lets look a establish himself. Sometimes it Circumstances beyond our bit closer at these pivotal years. can even take a couple of years control may enforce The years 29-31 are among the or more if changes are changes. Psychologists call most important years of our cataclysmic. Steep drops in this the sub-conscious lives. This is often a time of income can take place around acting through external endings and new beginnings. If now and many people unable agents; others call it karma. we have built our lives up to to take this reduced lifestyle, now around activities or quit half-way and go back to their earlier job or professions that are inappropriate for us profession; but the feeling of dissatisfaction (possibly because of parental or peer pressure), often lingers. this could be a period of crises. Since a complete restructuring of our lives takes On the other hand, if we have been doing what place, very often we go through financial crises is right for us, this usually marks a time of during these changes. I don't know if a study has solidification and the beginning of new phases been done, but credit card companies found that of activity within the same areas. In any case, an amazingly large number of defaulters come this is one of the most maturing of all periods. from this age group. The good news is that those We begin to question the structures we have who weather the difficult 9-12 months and stick built over these 30 years, the beliefs we have to their inner calling often find growth and adopted, and the life we have made. We may consolidation taking place from around age 33. feel a gradually increasing need to re-examine our choices and commitments.

Wake Up To Your Life's Cycle

The years 36-37 are again a period of change, but this time usually for the better. It is a period of expansion and growth. People either get promoted within the same company or change jobs on a promotion. Often, those divorced in the previous cycle, now remarry. predictable crises that hit us, there may not be so much confusion and depression when each of us goes through these stages. Marriage partners of the same age or with around 6 or 10 years of age difference go through different stages almost simultaneously.

Again, external events can trigger off growth This often triggers crises within the relationship and expansion. A number of people seem to because each is trying to come to terms with invite conflicts with their boss and are literally his/her own changes and is not able to be forced into change. They usually join another supportive of the other. Let's look at another life company on a higher salary and promotion. In example of these changes. Take Carl Gustav the years 40-42, we review or re-evaluate our Jung, the Swiss psychologist who developed the life and make or experience significant changes. concept of anima and animus and who We may measure what we've achieved against considered the years 40-42 to be the most our earlier ideals and ambitions and feel important in an individuals life. disappointed and restless when we don't match In February 1907, at age 31, Jung first met up. Nearly everyone feels dissatisfied and Freud who had a profound influence on him and restless with certain aspects of their life at this changed the way he thought and worked. time and many people do make Following this meeting where changes. Women, in particular, they talked practically without He wants to spend more feel the need for more a pause for 13 hours, Jung time with his family or enjoy independence having spent his hobbies or do more for began working closely with years caring for children and society. There is a need to Freud. In 1912, aged about 36putting to one side their own find an inner meaning to life. 37, Jung broke off with Freud needs. This is a period of a who had begun to consider him swing toward the opposite. The successful his successor and wanted him to continue his executive at this stage may find that the cut and methods. Jung, however, had other ideas and thrust of the rat race begins to pall and that he they parted ways (conflict with superior wants to spend more time with his family or spurring growth). In 1916, at age 41, another enjoy his hobbies or do more for society. There change. To use Jung's words, Very gradually is a need to find an inner meaning to life. A the outlines of an inner change began making number of NRIs think of heading back home their appearance within me. In 1916, I felt an around now. Women, on the other hand, having urge to give shape to something. I was spent a decade or more looking after children, compelled from within, as it were, to formulate now want the challenge of a job outside the and express From here, Jung went on to home. become one of the greatest explorers of the Men usually become more aware of the anima human mind. or feminine side of their nature, becoming more Take Brutus, the man credited with that famous gentle and intuitive. Women get in touch with line about the tides in the affairs of men in the animus or masculine side of their nature Shakespeare's play. Not surprisingly, he was 41 becoming more aggressive, independent and when he assassinated Caesar. outgoing. One lady I know, after working alongside her husband in his business for several Wake-up Calls years, at age 42, decided to start an independent business and went on to build the largest health In addition to these predictable crises, at club, beauty salon, gym and aerobic centre in seemingly random periods, there are other her city. crises, both m ajor and minor, that tend to crop This can also be a period when people feel an urge to break free, develop or grow. This can manifest in many ways expanding a business, overthrowing conventions or authority, or even taking off into the wide blue for a journey of expansion. If more people are aware of these up and which seem to be designed to shake us out of the even tenor of our lives. We tend to get into set patterns of behaviour, and gradually, we find ourselves in a rut. Out of the blue, wake-up calls come along in various forms perhaps the death of someone close, a business failure, the

Wake Up To Your Life's Cycle

loss of a job, bankruptcy, accidents or separations. These events often serve to wake us up and shake us out of our complacency. One person I know lost both his wife and mother in a tragic accident and is now faced with raising his oneyear-old son all by himself. Life has certainly taken on a new meaning for him. now motivated to make changes to bring our life back on the course wed originally set.

Each decade has a couple of years that bring important changes in our lives. Gail Sheehy in Passages likens our process of growth to that of a lobster that forms a hard shell and then casts it off as it grows and the shell becomes too tight. Each time it discards its shell, the lobster is left vulnerable and unprotected until it has formed a Wake-up calls can come at any time and in any new one. And so it is with us. form; they needn't be limited to Every time our way of life We sometimes realise tragic happenings. It can be becomes too confining or narrow, looking at yourself in the with a shock that were on we feel the urge for change or we a slow ride to nowhere; shaving mirror and realising reach a crisis point or we doing things we didn't with a shock that you've got experience events that bring originally want to do. grey hair in your beard bringing disruption to our lives and forces a sense of passing time, of us to change and thus to grow. During this promises not kept, of life wearing on. When period of change and growth, like the lobster, these wake-up calls hit, we sometimes realise we are vulnerable. We are filled with doubts, with a shock that were on a slow-ride to apprehensions and uncertainty. We no longer nowhere; doing things we didn't originally set seem to have control over our lives. But like out to, or want to do. These realisations bring everything else, this too passes and we emerge with them the impetus for a change. We look at stronger, more self-actualised. our lives, and if we find them wanting, we are