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When were under high levels of stress, rational thinking and decision making go out the window. Runaway stress overwhelms the mind and body, getting in the way of our ability to accurately read a situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of our own feelings and needs, and communicate clearly. The first key skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to quickly calm yourself down when youre feeling overwhelmed. Being able to manage stress in the moment is the key to resilience. This emotional intelligence skill helps you stay balanced, focused, and in control no matter what challenges you face.
Realize when youre stressed The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like. Many of us spend so much time in an unbalanced state that weve forgotten what it feels like to be calm and relaxed. Identify your stress response Everyone reacts differently to stress. Do you tend to space out and get depressed? Become angry and agitated? Freeze with anxiety? The best way to quickly calm yourself depends on your specific stress response. Discover the stress busting techniques that work for you The best way to reduce stress quickly is through the senses: through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.
Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment? Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach or chest? Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?
Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others? Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?
If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be turned down or turned off. In order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: Use humour and play to deal with challenges
Humour, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to lifes difficulties. They lighten our burdens and help us keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings our nervous system back into balance.
The ability to deal with challenges using humour and play is the fourth skill of emotional intelligence. Playful communication broadens our emotional intelligence and helps us:
Take hardships in stride. By allowing us to view our frustrations and disappointments from new perspectives, laughter and play enable us to survive annoyances, hard times, and setbacks. Smooth over differences. Using gentle humour often helps us say things that might be otherwise difficult to express without creating a flap. Simultaneously relax and energize ourselves. Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes our bodies, which allows us to recharge and accomplish more. Become more creative. When we loosen up, we free ourselves of rigid ways of thinking and being, allowing us to get creative and see things in new ways.
Stay focused in the present. When we are not holding on to old hurts and resentments, we can recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving old feelings about conflicts. Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to resolve them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not. Forgive. If you continue to be hurt or mistreated, protect yourself. But someone elses hurtful behavior is in the past, remember that conflict resolution involves giving up the urge to punish. End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.