FIFAANDTHEWORLD

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Most people have no idea what FIFA actually does thus when some kind of debate occurs they attack the governing body and not the issue itself. Nowhere is this more prevalent than in England. Of course, it follows that, to everyone else, England begins to sound like the nation that cried wolf. FIFA is the international governing and regulating body for arguably the only truly global sport on the planet. It organises international competition and supervises regional and national federations and protects the interests of the game from political Illustration:GANTPOWELL>

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interference. FIFA has more member nations than the United Nations. Some argue that there is no need for the body at all. I sat down, and tried to think of the best way to present my counter to that claim. There was an advert recently, for what product I forget, which reminded the audience that half time used to mean a change in rules, as well as ends. For the rst half, the home team would dictate the rules, for the second, it would be the visitors An international body like FIFA standardises the rulebook. They make it possible for a team like TPMazembe

of the Congo to play Internazionale. Or the Central Coast Mariners. Or LA Galaxy. Anyone they like, actually. And on a level playing eld. Everything is ocial and agreed beforehand, and when you might have teams playing in so-called friendly competition after their respective nations have suered a long history of bad blood... well, ocial is important. Organising the World Cup is no small feat either. Theres a great deal of negotiating and diplomacy behind the scenes at FIFA. Basically, if FIFA didnt exist, we would have to create it. The problem, of course, is that some people dont like the version we have. Not needing to be account-

able to anyone fosters an environment in which corruption and bribery ourish. Because FIFA has to exist, theres no pressure on its members to be upstanding, moral citizens and because of the bodys lack of transparency, theres little chance theyll be caught in the act in any case. So, when it comes to important matters, such as deciding who gets to host the highly lucrative and prestigious World Cup, there can be discrepancies. Famously, two members of FIFAs executive committee tried to sell their votes to undercover reporters. This tends to raise eyebrows and ire, especially when the English Football Association subsequently sees its bid for 2018 crash and burn.

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Caught bang to rights, FIFA banned the members in question, then ned them but steadfastly refused to delve any deeper. If you nd what looks suspiciously like a landmine when youre weeding in the garden, you dont dig deeper, do you? In cases of severe and endemic corruption, though, a leader must arise and tackle it head on. In FIFAs case, that leader is Sepp Blatter. Or at least, he is portraying himself as a crusader for ethics and transparency. In the midst of a damaging scandal, Blatter conveniently won an uncontested election that has made him President for another four years. Its the same brand of no-holds-barred democracy championed by Soviet

Russia, Zimbabwe and North Korea. Everything is just so much simpler when theres only one name on the ballot. And choosing can be so stressful. In his rst speech after re-election, Blatter went o on a geometrical/nautical tangent.

had demanded that the election be postponed in light of the corruption scandal. Blatter said it quite clearly: Dont worry about the English. And this is what great big chunks of the British media (and their readers) fail to understand. Blatter couldnt give a shit what England thinks of him because he has a lot of the world in his corner. In the end, just 16% of member states abstained or voted for the election postponement. Despite a massive and bloody obvious corruption scandal, Blatter had 84% of the footballing planet on his side. This is what great big chunks of the

Our pyramid is intact. I want to get the ship out of troubled waters and once again in a safe harbour so we can yet again build this pyramid whose base is on national associations. Despite his mixed metaphors and smug nonsense, the message concerning the FAs little rebellion was quite clear. The FA and Scottish FA

Despitehismixed metaphorsand smugnonsense, Blattersmessage wasquiteclear

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British media (and their readers) fail to understand. Blatter couldnt give a shit what England thinks of him because he has the greater part of the world in his corner. So the FA can throw a tantrum but it only has two choices: get back in line, or drop out of FIFA completely, as it did twice before World War II. The rest of the world might not love Blatter although evidence suggests strongly that they do but they certainly dislike England and the UK After spending centuries acting like belligerent arseholes themselves, England were never going to win a popularity contest with anybody. Yet, before Brits lay into FIFA, they should remember that our own dear FA attacked BBC Panorama for un-

covering a little corruption within its own ranks. When I say a little corruption Barebones of it: the FA have no right to accuse FIFA of anything. If it had been England who bought the World Cup instead of Qatar, would we have demanded FIFA change it back? Or depose Blatter? Not bloody likely. The FA are just pissed they didnt think of using their chequebooks rst, or were simply too cheap to be willing. But are there any alternatives? MP Damian Collins has gone as far as helping ChangeFIFA draw up an alternate FIFA manifesto. Its all very interesting he repeatedly writes in favour of shared governance, al-

though he doesnt make too much noise about the UK getting an automatic vice-presidential place at the table. I suppose it is us, after all, and you can trust us you just cant trust anybody else. Best make the FIFA President an automatic Brit, just to be on the safe side. He also lists Lionel Messi and Barack Obama as the people to challenge the status quo. Now why the hell would Messi decide to get involved? He also lists Lionel Messi and Barack Obama as the people to challenge the status quo. Now, why the hell would Messi decide to get involved? Does constructing the next Super Lego set qualify a twenty-four-year-

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old to rebuild footballs global governing body? And Obama? If it were FIBA, maybe, as hes a huge basketball supporter, but then, the US is just as unpopular as Britain and for much the same reason. As the scandal drags on, CONCACAF President Jack Warner has resigned and has refused to cooperate with the FIFA investigation into the allegations against him and Qatars Mohamed bin Hammam because it is being run by an American, former FBI Director Louis Freeh. He has labeled the accusations of corruption hypocrisy, noting that the giving of gifts has been a practice within FIFA since its inception. England sees that as something which must change. Yet, much of

the rest of the world is quite happy to oer bribes. In many countries, to not do so is an unforgivable insult. Lets face facts. FIFA is not going to award the World Cup to a country which cant handle the responsibility because they would lose far too much money and all credibility. Thus, becoming host of the tournament is a popularity contest between capable candidates and what makes someone more popular than passing out nice gifts when they come to visit? If England (and America) are too self-righteous to understand that, then FIFA are more than happy to let them stew in their own juices. Warners replacement as FIFA

Deputy, Jim Boyce, shed a little more light on his organisations opinion of the FA: I can assure you that I will do all in my power if asked to help the English FA. Perhaps its just me, but that if asked part sounds very much like it could be replaced with if begged. As in oh, you boys are in so much trouble.

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WAKINGUPISHARDTODO

SamuelGaruda @SamuelGaruda> Sharpwritingdealswithmajorandminorissues alike,andhappilysomemoreofhisworkcanbe foundatFootballFarrago.CaptainCapellosMandolinwasarealgem.

ThisisanextractfromIssueOneofManand Ballmagazine:LetSleepingGodsLie. ThisissueintroducesNigelandfeaturesstories on German football since reunification, AfricanArsenalfans,anunsungDutchlegend,andsevenotherintriguingarticles. ItcanbedownloadedinitsentiretyHERE>

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