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Every week or so someone asks me the question, how do I forgive someone who hurt me? Its a good question. Later in this sermon Ill share three fundamentals to forgiveness. But I dont want to get too technical in this sermon because forgiveness involves a story. Forgiveness is Gods story. And ultimately it can be our story. Today I want to start this sermon by sharing the story of Debbie Morris. Her story is a difficult one to hear. I wondered a bit about whether I should share her story. I talked to Kellie about whether it was appropriate to share this story in worship. As we talked we thought it was appropriate. Here is a story of forgiveness. VIDEO OF DEBBIE MORRIS STORY. The link for this video is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nH3gFXQVPI One of the men who raped Debbie Morris was Robert Lee Willie. He was the actual criminal in the movie Dead Man Walking. Im guessing that many of us saw that movie. Debbie Morris wrote a book called Forgiving the Dead Man Walking. I havent read it, but it sounds like a terrific book. Reading that book might be an excellent small group. One statement she made in the video that I want to lift up is this: SLIDE the power in my story is showing how Gods grace changed my life.. She came to the realization that forgiveness starts with receiving Gods grace. Last week in the first part of this two week sermon series on forgiveness I shared that our forgiveness of others begins when we recognize our own need for grace. When we can honestly acknowledge our need for grace then and perhaps only then can we share that grace with others. The task for us as disciplesfollowers of Jesus Christis to live our life based on an orientation towards grace. The second statement that Debbie Morris made that touched me was when she said,

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SLIDE Before I got to that point [of forgiveness] I wasnt even willing to share with people I knew what had happened to me. There was so much shame involved in it. When I was able to forgive not only did the hate, the anger and the pain go away, but the pain did too. Congregations are powerful when we become safe spaces where we can tell our stories. The stories that we share are not always happy stories. They can cause us shame and embarrassment. When we hide these stories we these stories a perverse power. Grace receiving it and sharing itis hard when we dont share ourselves. My hope for our congregation is we can find safe spaces where we can tell the difficult stories of our life. We listen to each other and we then help each other forgive. Debbie Morris eventually shared her story. She experienced grace and then shared grace with the men who raped her and killed her high school boyfriend. If she can forgive, then any of us can forgive. Let me invite you to get out this brochure in the bulletin. As Im talking about forgiving others today, Im guessing you might want to take some notes. I believe God might speak to you about forgiving another person. Write down what God has to say. We probably have a friend or family member who has been hurt by another person and struggles with forgiveness. Consider sharing some of the teachings about forgiving others with that person. In the devotion this week youll read biblical stories of people who shared forgiveness. This sermon has been influenced by the book The Art of Forgiving by Lewis Smedes. Its the best book that Ive read on forgiveness. Just last week I had to buy another copy of this book. When I started working on these sermons I discovered that I didnt have any of my books on forgiveness. Ive led a retreat on forgiveness, and taught Bible Studies on it, and preached many sermons on it. I think I gave all my books away. This one is the best. Last week I talked

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about Whats so amazing about Grace, by Philip Yancey. Thats the best book Ive ever read about grace. Let me share a definition of forgiveness SLIDE Forgiveness is releasing the pain that someone else has caused us. If you push into this definition youll discover that forgiveness is an act of self-love. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves. Our motivation for forgiveness is not another person. The person we help when we forgive is our self. We forgive as an act of self-love. I believe that many people struggle with forgiveness because its hard for them to love themselves. Jesus taught that the two greatest laws are to 1) love God with all our heart, and soul and mind and 2) to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Jesus called us to love ourselves. Jesus wants us to love ourselves as we love our neighbor. Loving our self is justified. Jesus taught that loving our self is different from how love of self is often portrayed in our culture. The world outside these doors gives us the message that if we truly love ourselves then we will respond with vengeance to someone who has hurt us. If you hurt me Im going to hurt you back. Its the law of lex talionis or retaliation. We think that to love ourselves we have to inflict pain on people who hurt us. Jesus taught a different method of loving ourselves. He believed that when we share grace with another person we are truly loving ourselves. Some people believe that forgiveness is an act of weakness. That is completely untrue. Forgiving another person is the most powerful things that I can imagine. It took tremendous power for Debbie Morris to forgive Robert Lee Wilie of his crimes. She wasnt a pushover at all; in forgiveness she was very powerful.

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There are many misunderstandings about forgiveness. Louis Smedes wrote about these in his book. These are important to learn. Im going to go through these quickly. Dont be concerned if you dont have time to write these down as Im going to send them out in my weekly E-mail. You can find these if you watch this sermon on the Internet. You can access it at colpres.org SLIDE Forgiving someone who did us wrong does not mean that we tolerate the wrong the person did Forgiving does not mean that we forget what happened Forgiving does not mean that we excuse the person who did it SLIDE Forgiving does not mean that we take the edge off the evil of what was done to us Forgiving does not mean that we surrender our right to justice Forgiving does not mean that we invite someone who hurt us once to hurt us again Another misunderstanding about forgiveness happens when we confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. Forgiveness only takes one personits releasing the pain that another person has caused us; reconciliation takes two peopleits when two people overcome the pain in their relationship. Reconciliation requires forgiveness and repentance. Reconciliation and forgiveness are both vital, but they are different. Louis Smedes put the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation this way. He used the word reunion in the way I use reconciliation SLIDE It takes one person to forgive It takes two to be reunited SLIDE Forgiving happens inside the wounded person Reunion happens in a relationship between people SLIDE We can forgive a person who never says he is sorry We cannot be truly reunited unless he or she is honestly sorry

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SLIDE We can forgive even if we do not trust the person who wronged us once not to wrong us again. Reunion can happen only if we can trust the person who wronged us once not to wrong us again. SLIDE Forgiving has no strings attached Reunion has several strings attached I have frequently come across people who say that wont forgive because it wont make a difference in the other person. Or they wont forgive because the other person hasnt said that he or she is sorry for their actions. Or they wont forgive because they believe other person wont change. These are important statements, but they are statements about reconciliation and not forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about the other person. When we forgive we are releasing the pain that is inside of us. We can forgive another person without being reconciled to the person who hurt us. What are the fundamentals of forgiveness? Lewis Smedes shared three. In all the reading Ive done on forgiveness they are the best Ive encountered. The first one is this: SLIDE 1) We can forgive when we rediscover the humanity of the person who hurt us This is really hard because when someone hurts us they are acting in ways that are contrary to how people are supposed to act. We can easily make the people who hurt us into a monster. We can turn them into evil people. Sometimes people act in an evil way; they act like a monsters. Who can deny that Robert Lee Willie was a monster for what he did to Debbie Morris. When we turn our perpetrators into monsters its hard to let go of the pain that the person has caused us. Its easier to focus on the monster and not ourselves. To forgive you and I have to have to decide whether we want to let that person live inside of us. When someone has been hurt and talks to me they often will focus on the other person. They will talk at length about what the other person did. I understand how a person can do that.

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I might say with all the care that I can muster, you talk a lot about that person. Its almost as if youve let that person live inside of you. Do you want to let that person be inside of you? Let me share one way that we can rediscover the humanity of a person. When I get hurt by someone and need to forgive I try an exercise of prayer. I imagine the person as a baby. I imagine the person crawling around in my house with a big smile on his or her face. I imagine the person being held in the arms of his mother. At that point there is nothing wrong with that person. A baby cant hurt anyone. I imagine that baby bringing joy to other people. People are willing to play with the baby; that baby is bringing a smile to many other people. Try that this week. I understand the pushback. Im so mad at that person I cant imagine the person as an infant. I understand. Do you want to let that person live inside of you as a monster? We have to rediscover the humanity of the person. Louis Smedes said this: SLIDE As we start on the miracle of forgiving, we begin to see our enemy through a cleaner lens, less smudged by hate. We begin to see a real person, a botched self, no doubt, a hodgepodge of meanness and decency, lies and truths, good and evil that not even the shadows of his soul can wholly hide. We see a bubble held aloft by the blowing of a divine breath. We see a human being created to be a child of God. SLIDE we take him back into our private world as a person who shares our faulty humanity, bruised like us, faulty like us, still thoroughly blamable for what he did to us. Yet, human like us. (pages six and seven) I think the father in the story of the prodigal son could forgive the younger son because he never let go of seeing the humanity in his younger son. The younger son had done something terrible. He took his portion of his fathers inheritance and left. In the culture of his day there was hardly anything worse that the younger son could have done. By leaving with the money the younger sons was disowning his father. When the younger son came back the father had every

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right to disown him. He could have said, you hurt me you caused me shame in front of other people, what you did was terribly wrong, you deserve to suffer. If the father had lived by an orientation of righteousness he would have done that. But the father lived by an orientation of grace. He could forgive because he saw the humanity in his son. He had watched his son crawl as a toddler; he had seen his son stumble as he took his first steps; he had wiped the tears away from his eyes; he knew him as a human. When the younger son came back the father was quickly ready to forgive. We can start forgiving someone when we rediscover the humanity of the person. Second fundamental of forgiveness is this SLIDE we surrender our right to get even.

We have every right to get even with a person who has hurt us. In fact if we lived by an orientation of righteousness we would get even. This is where the second story is powerful. This story took place on the night of Jesus resurrection. The disciples were huddled in a locked room. They were afraid for their lives. They didnt understand what was going on with Jesus. I doubt at this time if the disciples were thinking about forgiving the people who had killed Jesus. They could have been thinking of revenge. Then Jesus entered the room. Remember the first words out of his mouth, Peace be with you. Then Jesus showed them the wounds in his hands and his side. He showed them the marks that would cause most people to want to seek revenge; he showed them the flesh that would cause many people to start planning retaliation. Then to emphasize the point he was making Jesus said the words again, Peace be with you. Jesus went on, as the Father has sent me, so I send you. Then he breathed on them and said Receive the Holy Spirit. He said this.

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SLIDE If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained. (John 20:23) The Greek word for forgiveness in this verse has the sense of letting go, of release. You could compare forgiveness to a balloon which we let go into the sky. Unless we forgive we carry around the weight of a lot of balloons. We will be weighed down. Now before I go any farther, I want each of us to think of a person who has hurt us, someone who has caused us pain. These actions could have happened a long time ago or they could have happened yesterday. No matter when the action happened the pain still exists. Im not going to ask you to share the name of that person. But you know. Do you have a person? Think of this verse from John in another way SLIDE If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if yhou retain the sins of any, they are retained. John 20:23 If you let go of the pain which (name) caused us, then the pain is released from you; if you hold on to the pain which (name) caused, then youll be weighed down. Read that to yourself a couple times. To forgive we have to surrender our right to get even Finally to forgive SLIDE we revise our feelings towards the person. When we forgive we really have no feelings towards the person. Let me put it another way. We know that we have forgiven a person when we can look at the person who hurt us and we remember what happened, and we feel nothing. Let me share this metaphor. Pretend that you and I are a television and each person that we know is a channel on our television. Say our spouse is channel 1; our Dad is channel 2; our Mom is channel 3; our kids are on a separate channel. Our friends are on a separate channel.

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We have many channels on the television. Now imagine that there is a weather forecaster. That weather forecaster describes in weather terms the emotions we feel about the person. Our spouse a few clouds and sun on the horizon; our parentsclear and sunny; maybe someone weve had an argument withthunderstorms. Lets pretend that the person who hurt us is channel 6. When we turn on channel six inside our spirit, the weather forecaster says, clear and partly cloudy. The weather forecast is the same today and tomorrow and for the next month. Our anger is cleared. . This takes intentional work on our part. Its my experience that its easier just to live with the pain then to go through the work of forgiveness. But forgiveness is beautiful. As your pastor I deeply want all of us to be able to forgive. Today well have an opportunity to experience the grace of Godthe grace that we share when we forgive others. Were going to offer the ritual of anointing today. As Kellie sings, Ill stand on the chancel. Ill have oil. The oil is a sign of love and healing. Its been used for centuries as a sign of love and healing in the church. Come forward. What would you like? I want to forgive someone or I want peace in the world or . If you dont want to share with methats okay. I want healing. In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit we can be healed, and we can offer forgiveness.