THE

APHIDS

BY EDMUND M. BARKER
There was a full moon hanging above the cold Arkansas night like a searchlight from the cosmos, and Slicks was running through the dank and marshy quarters of the area local forest with the old lantern as guidance like his life depended on it. As a matter of fact, it did, since they had been planning on giving him the juicer back at Chaktaw Country Prisonbut I

dont deserve it, he reassured himself in his head. Everything I did was for a reason. He chuckled at his old memories, but stopped and cursed when
he fell over a root sticking out of the low swamp water and fell in the mud. Slicks got back up with the lantern and tried to wipe off as much muck as possible, always having hated the feeling of being unclean. Looking to his right, he saw a light and the outline of a house above the bony trees about a mile away. Just his luck. Walking up to the building, Slicks immediately noticed that it was bigger than he had thought. There was an ornate iron gate out front being

held tightly together by a pair of chains and old padlock, which he knew how to pick from many years of experience. The escapee used a hairpin from the back pocket of his orange prison uniform to pry it unlocked, and took the chains in his pockethe had always enjoyed them as a weapon. Walking up the muddy driveway now, he saw that the mansion was big, southern-styled, and the color of light cream, topped with a black roof and chimneys.

This dump ought to have some valuable trinkets, Slicks thought.

At this point, he started to realize just how far away from any town this odd house waswhich was certainly helpful to him, since it meant isolation from the coppers. But what was even more unusual was the fact that the windows seemed to be boarded up with nailed planks, as the old door had seemingly been too at one point; which was now loose at the hinges and about to fall off. Considering this and the padlock, Slicks began to figured that the decrepit old place was likely abandoned. This would help his cause of hiding out, even if it meant he wouldnt have the fun of trying

out a new weapon. Slicks peeled off the black door and stepped inside with his lantern in hand. It turned out that the exterior of the mansion wasnt the only place that was a real fixer-upper. There in the front hallway, the coat rack laid chopped into pieces, the walls were covered with shredded wallpaper and paranoid scribbles that only slightly resembled words, and a whole chandelier lay on the floor next to the staircase. And in the living room next to the hallway, which the convict ventured into, bookshelves and furniture were turned over with haphazard papers and junk on the floor. It made Slicks wish he had the time to go through the entire house and completely refurbish it, as he had always liked interior design. But at that moment, he heard a fuzzy hum, and noticed a still upright television set on the left side of the room beneath a flickering light fixture. Going over to it, he turned the volume knob, and smiled with pride as he heard a man on the news report: be on the lookout for Billy Slicks Slickard, a dangerous escaped murderer who police believe is on the loose in the southeast Arkansas area. Slicks got his nickname among fellow inmates because of his

preoccupation with cleanliness and well-combed hair, and he is not afraid to use violence. Some officers say Right then, Slicks heard a rustling noise coming from a nearby room, and saw a short, bearded old man in ripped clothes aiming a shotgun walk right up in front of him. If you want to have children, the man growled, Tell me who you are! Slicks thought fast. Im theernight mailman. The old fellow stared hard at Slicks. Well, sonny, I think I can trust you. Slicks became puzzled. Why? Because I dont remember you. Slicks became even more puzzled. The old man sighed and walked over to a rickety boarded window. Its all my fault, you see he told his guest. II like unusual pets. So one day, I ordered a box of Bolivian Trickster Aphids. In retrospect, it was not a very good idea.

Who are you? inquired Slicks. My name is Archer Helmsat least, I think so. I cant be sure of, not completely. Slicks pulled out his chains. Uh huh. Sure thing, old-timer. Now, if you dont mind, theres something I would like to get over with quickly. Hey, while were still talking, have you got any brewskis? Helms old man looked up at the ceiling in a state of panic. Did you hear that?! Hear what, sir? Oh, its them! The man was cowering. Theyre going to start tormenting me again! Ive got to just put an end to this! Well, Slicks offered, That can be arranged. Helms shot at the right wall, destroying a displayed china plate and causing Slicks to duck. IIve got tough! Archer Helms clutched his fear-rattled heart and fell over to the floor, his eyes still open in terror. Upon checking his pulse and finding nothing,

Slicks became disappointed, for he had always liked strangulation. It was a nice, concise form of murder with little mess. Nevertheless, he dropped the body down in the cellar located below so that it wouldnt stink up the place like a rotting cantaloupe, and found a pack of cigarettes and a few Budweisers when he went back up to kitchen. With a smoke and a drink, Slicks walked over to the TV in the living room, sitting back in a chair and changing channels in the hopes of finding something nice and violent. Eventually, his eyes got heavy, and he began to drift off to slumber. At that second, he felt something small moving on his hand, and noticed a minuscule speck of green on his finger. He flicked the creature off quickly, stomped it without a moments hesitation, and then wiped that area of his hand to make it clean. Eventually, he went to sleep. The Bolivian Trickster Aphid is a wholly remarkable species and a source of much fear for the natives of the South American jungles it inhabits. When provoked in any way, its method of attack is unlike anything seen in the entire animal kingdom, let alone among insects. As Slicks sat alseep in that ancient chair, he had no idea that a straight line of eight

aphids was climbing up his him as if he were a mountain, traversing through hairs on his forearm like they were trees, and making their way up his clothed shoulder and his neck to his head. There, they crawled one by one into his left ear, wriggling over the fleshy outer basin of cartilage and into the dark tunnel that led into Slicks head. A few minutes later, Slicks woke up, as he had precariously left the lit cigarette in his mouth, and it dropped into his lap. He cursed and fell out of the chair, and looking around, saw that it was still the dark of the night. Right then, he was bothered by an unusual headache directly in the middle of his cranium, which felt like several pinpricks in his head all at once. And then, Slicks night took a turn for the worst. Suddenly, he felt the cold sting of a wet drop hitting his head, and panicked for a moment at the thought that it was the work of a bird.

You idiot, Slicks thought to himself. Youre indoors.

Looking up, he saw that the drop of water had come from a damp spot in the ceiling, and figured that there must be some sort of leak. Curious, Slicks walked cautiously over to the staircase, and turned on a dim old light

before he walked up the creaking steps. At the top, he turned left to face the direction of the leak, and noticed an ajar door that way with a bright light coming out of it. The convict opened it with slight nervousness, and felt a jolt of fear when he looked inside the room. It was a bathroom, and not just any bathroom. It was one that Slicks knew very well from his own past. On the walls, there were paintings of sailboats, and the whole room was painted a shade somewhere in the region between green and white. Am I dreaming this? Slicks wondered. For the room looked exactly like one he had known many years ago, back when he was 14. This was Ms. Gurberts bathroom, thought Slicks. And his heart nearly skipped a beat when he looked ahead in the room to see a decorative porcelain tub by the wall where water had seemed to spill out on to the tiled floorin the same exact puddle he had remembered from another that fateful incident. Lying on the water was a white towel which had fallen from the towel rack above, almost as if someone had grabbed it in desperation. And underneath the towel was what looked like the outline of a still face.

After standing in his spot and trying to process what he was seeing for a moment, Slicks slowly walked over to the bathtub to see if it was really the one from his babysitter Ms. Gurberts house he remembered from almost 15 years ago. Looking over to the corner of the tub closest to him, he began to shake and break into a cold sweat, as he saw that familiar electrical cord that snaked from the wall into the soapy water like an anaconda. All of a sudden, a hand jolted out from under the floating towel and grabbed Slicks arm, who, naturally, began screaming vivaciously. Even less pleasant was the fact that the whole arm was as cold as lake water and the color of milk; almost undeniably an appendage belonging to a dead person. Why?? hissed the face under the towel with vocal cords like saw blades. Another hand reached up from the tub and yanked away the towel, revealing a middle-aged woman with lifeless eyes that seemed to stare at you and right through you at the same time.

Whyyyy, boy? Whyyyyy did you kill me?

Look, Ms. Gurbert, I apologize!! yelled Slicks, trying to pull his arm away from the corpses grasp. The only reason I pushed that radio in was because you would never let me play out after dark! Ms. Gurberts entire body was pruned and wrinkly like when a normal mortal takes a bath, only with that effect magnified times a hundred to create a horrific mummy-like thing.

Whyyyyy have you done this to me?? she wailed.

No! Let me go, you old hag! Slicks reached over for the toilet plunger, and hit Ms. Gurbert over the head with it. Aaaaaaaghhh! Whyy! Let go of my hand now! In part, Slicks got what he wished for, because with the next blow of the plunger applied to the shoulder, Ms. Gurberts arm snapped off like a brittle tree branch. Slicks ran with the arm still attached back to the door, and saw as Ms. Gurbert hissed like nothing good or natural in the world ever could and stepped out of the bathtub to slowly pursue him. Immediately, Slicks

shut the door behind him, grabbed an overturned piece of drawer furniture in the derelict upstairs hallway, and used it to block the door and what lay behind it before prying the arm off and tossing it away.

What a week, he thought, catching his breath. First I escape death row, and nowthis happens. Maybe Im just cursed. Or, maybe there was just something off in that beer I drank. Yes, thats it! Food poisoning!
The only thing poisoned is your conscience, said something that sounded like it was coming from inside Slicks own mind. Whatwhat the hell was that? Allow me to introduce myself. I am the leader of this group, and on behalf of the other seven of us, we would like to thank you for providing us with such a lovely brain to fiddle with. Brain? inquired Slicks. Who is this? What are you talking about?! Oh, its a great, depraved mind, sprinkled with bits of fear and guilt. Perfect for us to have some fun with. Okay, Slicks threatened, Ill give you three seconds to explain things, oror

Or what? chuckled the voice. It was low and intelligent sounding, and didnt sound particularly human. Orumyou do know that Im not afraid of violence, r-right? Yes, of course. But lets stop talking about you, shall we? I think Ill talk about me. Its about time. You see, our particular species of aphid has two very special advantages. The first is that were far more intelligent that we appear to be. The second is that, over many eons, we learned how to enter the brains of larger animals and probe away at their cerebral cortexes with our antennae, causing an experience similar to psychotic delusions. Slicks thought about what he had just heard for a moment. Sobasicallyyoure a bunch of aphids who are pulling strings in my mind like puppet masters to make me see things that arent really there just for kicks? Yes! We have a smart one here, friends. Thank you. I

That was sarcasm, idiot. Anyways, I think well move on to something new in your memories. Slicks suddenly began feeling the pinpricks in his head all over again, and before he knew it, he saw white smoke begin to billow out of nowhere in the room around him, until he couldnt see a thing. When it began to clear, the terrain under his feet was now feeling soft, and he looked around to see that he was now in one of the foggy pine forests he could remember from around his old hometown of Gristle Creek, Arkansas. But before he could let it all sink in, a new voice in his head spoke up. So, let me get this straight, asked the voice of a different Bolivian Trickster Aphid. You murdered your babysitter when you were young because she wouldnt let you stay out and play after dark? And you made it look like a tragic accident with her radio she kept next to the tub in order to not be found guilty? Slicks smiled for a moment, almost glad that someone was appreciating his work. He nodded slightly. I admire that, said the leader of the aphids again. You bear the traits of a

true psychopath. Slicks got angry. I am not a psychopath! I did what I did for reasons. But then, Slicks suddenly remembered just what was so special about this neck of the woods from his memories. It was the site of his second murder. Appropriately parallel to a fallen old birch, there laid the body of a high school senior in a red team jacket, bleeding in the pine needles and soil. The sight caused Slicks to begin to feel old nostalgia. I remember this, he said to the aphids. This was when I had fought with Vance Roberts in high school, that big, dumb lug. He was going after Betty Smittyoh, she was mine--and it just irritated me so much, I challenged him to a good-old-fashioned duel out in the woods one day. I knew I had to outwit him to defeat him, Slicks declared with a sly smile, so I So you did what? So I bribed one of Vances closest friends to make sure his gun wouldnt be loaded on the big day, he asserted with pride. Theres nothing a little

money cant buy. You sound confident. Yes, I am. Now, how long is the whole Ghost of Christmas Past shtick going to go on for? As long as it takes, said the leader aphid icily. As long as it takes until what? Before Slicks could have his questioned answered, he felt a new set of pinpricks striking in his brain. And, looking at the pale and lifeless body of Vance, he saw that the soggy puddle of blood underneath was now doubling in size and area, as if more was suddenly flushing out. Alright, look, said Slicks with unease, You know I dont care for blood to begin with Still, the crimson fluids spread to make a wet puddle about ten feet in diameter all around the body, and just kept oozing on. Slicks tried to back away, but tripped over a gnarled root in the woods and watched in horror as the enormous red mud pile began to engulf into a sinkhole, and the body in the center was swallowed up by it. Then, the tall red pines began to

crack and, one by one, fall into the enormous swirling pit of magenta. Stop it! Slicks yelled, trying to get back up. He was volunteering for a fight! It was fair!

Fair?! gurgled a voice that sounded like it was from a throat chalked with
muck. Looking to his left, Slicks saw the head of Vances corpse sticking out of the now-bloody patch of mud.

That fight was FAIR??! Let me have a chance, then!

Vance grabbed the prison escapees arm with his clammy hands and began to pull him down into the muck. No! NO! NOOOOOOO!!!! When Slicks opened his eyes again, he was no longer in the mud, but lying flat on his face in pain. Getting back up groggily, he saw that he was in the old mans house again, at the base of the stairway.

Have I fallen down the stairs? he thought to himself. But I was in the old woods again, wasnt I? No, that was just a delusion in my head. That wasthat was
He turned over on his back and sighed calmly.

Thank my lucky stars, it must have all been just a bad dream! Slicks got back on his feet, walked back over into the living room, yawned, and slouched back in the chair. He was ready to start sleeping, but that annoying television set had gone to static and was making that coarse noise that sounds like sandpaper on the eardrums. He turned the knob for the channels, which had no effect, so he kicked the box, and a picture suddenly came into focus. Slicks was shocked to see that the program on the screen was in full color, because the television set was in black and white. But then he noticed that the scene in the box showed a still car about to fall off the side of a cliff in a rock quarry into a deep pit of water. Remember this, Billy? chortled the leader aphid. The convict stayed quiet. Now, dont play dumb. Our analysis of your memories tell us that you committed your third murder just two days after the second. Congratulations on your impressive psychopathy. For Gods sakes, I am not a psychopath! Slicks retorted.

The image on the screen zoomed in to show Slicks at age eighteen standing behind the car, pushing it off the edge with all his might and a look of impenetrable anger on his face. You backstabbing harpy! shouted Slicks on the screen. You approved of the whole duel idea! You promised that we were both going to run away to Cuba if I won! But now, youre having second thoughts?! Ill show you! Slicks girlfriend Betty was tied up in the front seat, desperately and fearfully trying to escape. Oh, I understand, said Slicks behind the car, grimacing maliciously. You thought that Vance would win the duel in two seconds, because hes a jock trained in marksmanship and Im just a scrawny pipsqueak, eh? And then you were going to go off with him! Back on the other side of the TV, Slicks was shaking in his shoes. So, youre not cold-blooded at all, Billy boy? Alright, said Billy Slickard, swallowing, Im getting out of this madhouse! But as Slicks ran to the front door, he suddenly felt the headache seizing him again, and fell to the ground. Then, as he looked up, it was as if the

entire room around him dissolved into one flat vision of television static. When it cleared, he was sitting in the back seat of Betty Smiths old Pontiac with her in front, as it was slowly inching towards a sheer drop. I thought it would help if you got a new perspective on things, laughed the voice. Slicks began frantically tapping on Betty Smiths sobbing shoulder. Hey! Betty! Help! We gotta find some way out of here! She cant hear you, said one of the aphids crawling around in Billys gray matter. And even if she could, why would she want to help her killer? Slicks turned around to face his former self and began pleading in a panic along with Betty in a hopeless attempt to escape. Hey! he yelled. Stop pushing the car! Look, I know you very well, and I can tell you that you really dont want to! Its too late for that now. Slicks had never liked county fair rollercoasters, and at that very moment, his stomach flew into his head like the feeling of a thrill ride multiplied endlessly as the vehicle lurched over the peak and down rocky slide,

freefalling through the air until, after what felt like both a second and an eternity, it hit the water. The impact caused Slicks to catapult back through the car, seeming to pass through its walls and leave the very confines of space and time briefly before falling back onto the floor of the old mans house by the front door. Without a moments hesitation, he ran out and start sprinting across the yard to that gates. Not so fast, said the aphid in his head. Were not done yet. Slicks fell to his knees. Please, he pleaded to the aphid, Stop screwing around with my brain and leave me alone! No. Not until our job is done. And when would that be? Oh, either when your mind completely snaps like a twig under pressure, or when your heart stops beating. Any other questions? No? Good. On with the show.

With the mental pinpricks suddenly recurring, Slicks saw before his very eyes a square, stone tunnel come up from the ground like it had been buried, and the next thing he knew, he was in a small swan-shaped boat bobbing along on a stream of water in the dim corridor. Slicks knew it right away. This was the Tunnel of Love at the Oakwood County Fairgrounds, a place where he had worked for a while after going on the run so as not to be caught for the murders. He had always hated it, especially the big rollercoasters that stood like ominous towers and the cotton candy that stuck to peoples face and the noise, simply the noise of everyone talking and jabbering at oncehe remembered that he felt like he was going to lose his mind there. And now, he was going crazy. The swan boat turned round a bend, and it entered a room decorated with mock-up Roman columns and structures and little fountains of cupid angels spouting water. But all was not well here, as Slicks knew, for next to a sickeningly sweet heart-shaped fountain, two feet in exquisite leather shoes poked out.

And why did you do this man in, Billy? What was your justified reason for this murder? Slicks looked over the dead body of his boss at the fairgrounds, Mr. Piro. WellIumyou see Billy swallowed hard as he tried to come up with a reason. Yes? WellI was working some maintenance on the ride one night, and Mr. Piro came in to say that he was going to have to lay me off to make ends meet, so I picked up my pipe wrench and You sound nervous, Billy. Yes, I know! Slicks barked. But the thing is, he was pointing a revolver at me!

Thats a lie, said the pale white body of Mr. Piro, leaning up and exposing
the wound on his balding scalp. You and I both know I had nothing on me. Slicks chuckled nervously. Heh, hehwell, maybe I do kind of agree that this one time was an overreaction on my part

This ONE time? asked Mr. Piro angrily. Well, boy, well see about that in Mental Court!

What? Billy yelled. But, before he could do a thing, the swan boat lurched over the tip of a gigantic waterfall bigger than the most terrifying rollercoaster Slicks had ever gone on. He screamed and held on for dear life. When the vessel came to a crashing splash after several minutes of nerve-grating falling, Slicks was flung directly out of it and landed what seemed like miles away on a hard wood floor. OW, he growled. For once, can I have a psychotic delusion that incorporates a smooth landing? Getting up, Billy Slickard now saw that he was wearing a fine suit and tie instead of his old prison clothes. He also noticed that he was in a courtroom, and that sitting behind the judges desk in big black robes was the person he feared the most: his mother. Billy Aiden Slickard, boomed the mother judge from beneath her curlers and make-up, you are charged with the cold-blooded murders of four human beings and one aphid. How do you plead? Guilty! yelled the voice of the aphid leader loud enough for all to hear.

Let me speak for myself! Billy yawped. Well, kid, I am your lawyer. Silence! shouted the judge with the bang of a gavel. And what does the jury think of this? Slicks turned around to see that, in the rows where a jury would normally be, there sat eight green, measly aphids the size of humans with hollow dark eyes. Guilty! they hollered in union. Alright, said the judge, So my defective sons punishment will be decided by the defendants in this case. Slicks heart began to pound fast. What??! Less than a second after the judge had banged her gavel again, a section of the wooden floor to the right of Slicks began to vibrate and quiver. All of a sudden, it split open like ripped cloth, and a measly appendage that looked like a giant hairless arm from a rat reached out. Billy watched with his mouth agape in indescribable dread as the creature pulled its way out. It was ten feet tall, pale, wrinkled, and fat, almost resembling a carved chicken from the market after some time of decaying what with its clammy

mess of loose skin. But thats putting it too lightly. You see, the creature was an abomination of the highest order. It was bulging, tumor-like, pulsating with condensation, and gurgling like a carbonated beverage. But its most distinguishing characteristic was certainly the fact that it haphazardly bore the faces of Ms. Gurbert, Vance Roberts, Betty Smith, and Mr. Piro. They were all furious. Slicks tried to make a frantic run for the door of the courtroom, but the moving sack of flesh picked him up with one of its two bony arms and carried him over to the muddy hole from which it had come. No! screamed Billy Slickard. Im innocent! I swear! Bring me in a bible, and Ill swear on it! That proves me, right? The beast matted the hole out some with its free hand to make it symmetrically square, and then tossed Slicks right into it. He had always hated stains on his clothing, and as he tried to wipe the mud stains off his suit and tie, he slowly began to realize it was futile. Looking up from above down on him, the monstrous aberration growled deep down in its four throats, which then proceeded to vomit a dark red combination of blood and

muck on Slicks. Noooo! Please! S-s-stop! Slicks begged, coated in the substance. Again, all four faces vomited the bloody muck on him, and this time, they didnt stop. Slicks then realized that they were about to affirm his greatest fear of being buried alive. Lying in the pit on his back, Slickard tried his hardest not to swallow any of the revolting gunk, but found it to be an impossible goal. It was covering him now, forcing his eyes shut, keeping him unable to breath, and pushing down on him with more and more pressure. He was sure that either his mind would be completely lost, or this would be the complete physical end of him. But then, just then, when Slicks was completely devoid of hope, he suddenly had a simple idea.

This is not real, he thought, pounding that thought directly into the
center of his head. This is not real! This is not real! Its just an illusion! I

wont be fooled by it!

At first, nothing was happening. But then, through sheer willpower, Slicks began to feel the pressure of the blood muck become less and less.

Thats it! he thought to himself. This is not real! This is not real!
What is this?! asked the aphid leader. What are you doing? At that very moment, Slicks felt the mud fall below his nose again, and he was able to return to breathing. When he opened his eyes, he heard something similar to a slight pop. And, looking around, he saw that he was back in his prison clothes, lying down on the lawn of the old house. No! yelled the aphid. You are not in control!

I am in control. That was not real. I am in control. That was not real. Slicks
chanted in his head as he stormed back inside the house. He had a plan now. As he had remembered when he had took the old mans body downstairs, there was a can of insecticide lying around in the cellar. And he had an idea just mad enough to work. That was not real! That was not real! Slicks was now verbally chanting as he marched down the stairs to the cellar and, after switching a light on, stepped past the old mans body on the floor over to the pesticide cans lying around. No! shouted the chief aphid. This doesnt happen! A host doesnt just

overpower us like this! You dont know what youre doing, Billy! The name, he said as he held a can in his hands, is Slicks. Slicks put the can up to his left ear and pulled the trigger, spraying mercilessly into his own head. He heard what sounded like the aphids screaming as the noxious gas poured in, and he himself didnt start to feel very good, either. A few moments later, his eyes grew heavy, and he fell over unconscious. When Slicks woke up, he felt the rolling bumps of being in a car on a dirt road. Rise and shine, said the man driving. Slicks panicked momentarily at the thought that he was in another delusion, but while coming to, realized that he was in a police car driving through the Arkansas countryside at sunny midmorning with two cops sitting in the front. Youyoure taking me to prison, yes? Of course we are, said one of the cops. Last night, we tracked the paths you took through the marshes, and came to that remote old house. When

we found you, we thought you were dead along with the old guy, but we were able to revive you. Look, officers, said Slicks, I swear to you I didnt kill that man! The other cop spoke up. Well, well get around to that later. But right now, I have some news I think you might like. Yes? asked Slicks eagerly. In court, they passed a local law saying we cant give you the electric chair. So, were just going to have you serve your sentence of 65 years behind bars. Slicks sat back in his seat and smiled. Never had he felt happier to go back to his nice, warm cot at Chaktaw Country Prison. Once back in the buildings familiar brown hallways, Slicks was walking with an old guard he knew to his cell. So, he asked, are good ol Jack and Edward still hanging around in this place? The guard smiled. Actually, he said, Youre the only one in this building. And we have a special cell just for you.

They turned the corner to a gray steel door Slicks had never seen here before. It had no windows, and it stuck out among all the barred jail cells. The guard unlocked the door and, with a sly smile, slowly pulled it open to reveal its contents. The room inside was dimly lit, but Slicks could still make out that there was about a two story drop into a muddy pit that seemed to be wriggling with some insect in the darkness. You imbecile, laughed a familiar voice. Do you really think you got rid of us that easily? Before Slicks had time to be terrified, he was pushed by the guard into the pit and its horrific contents below. And he screamed.