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SOME OF THE PUBLISHED ARTICLES OF DR. SAMUEL KISSEADOO FOR JOYONLINE (WEBSITE OF JOY 99.

7 FM MULTIMEDIA BROADCASTING) ACCRA, GHANA

CHALLENGES OF 21ST CENTURY PARENTING AND NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT (Published Dec. 2010)
Careful analysis of the thousands of counseling, teaching, and mentoring cases I have handled over the past decades indicate clearly to me that many people did not receive the solid parental infrastructure necessary for mature, meaningful, and productive lives, especially for personal morals and ethics, marriage, family life, home establishment, and other forms of relationships. The gross immaturity, inability to resolve conflicts, thin endurance for trials, and lack of fundamental wisdom in decisionmaking plus choices, are sometimes stunning for several individuals, typically youth, young adults, and people looking for love. We call upon parents, mentors, and adult supervisors to strive hard and establish strong bonds of teaching, love, and affection with young people. We have made ourselves extremely busy, chasing after 21st century toys and fame, and do not make the time to establish such bonds, because it takes time to build friendship, and cannot do so effectively on casual basis with quick outings, hurried shopping, simple good-nights, school activities, church events etc. You must take time to play with the kids, hug them, verbally express appreciation, engage them in chats and dialogue, study and do homework with them, sit them down for reading and teaching of values in proactive parenting etc., and discipline them appropriately when they go wrong. Then we can patiently lead them, lovingly guide them, help them to discover their gifts and potential, and be able to inculcate godly and fruitful values into their lives. I believe that with such efforts we should definitely see less of immoral lifestyles, addictions, school dropouts, wasting of resources, financial wrecks, integrity loss, meaningless romantic associations, marital separations, and divorces in our communities. Many youth and young adults lack focus, and do not simply know how to live nicely, cooperatively, peacefully, and mutually with other people. They had no good examples from their parents or from those who trained them (if they even had any training at all), and are tragically ignorant of the basic ingredients for successful human relations. Youth problems become adult problems, and therefore many adults also think, talk, act, and behave the way they unfortunately do today, because of ignorance, poor background training, and rebellion from childhood. Their wrong decisions and dishonest lifestyles in positions of power and authority adversely affect all of us in families, communities, and the nation.

Although we chide irresponsible parents and elders, we doff our caps for diligent and principled parents or mentors and congratulate them for a job well done. In such instances, some very godly and disciplined parents do their best to raise their children with the best methods in place, but the young people simply decide to get entrenched in their natural rebellious ways by indulging in calculated waywardness that aims at kicking against all parental authority and guidance. Therefore, sometimes the children are to

blame for our problems and not the parents. There is also a category of people who have such an extraordinary hotheaded and impenetrable mindset that they are literally impossible to reason with or convince to abide by sound and acceptable principles, no matter the parental training they received. In my opinion, it takes the power of God to break through their soul and mental faculties to deliver their minds from intractable shackles that bar them from accepting and following commonsense morals, ethics, kindness, and principles. For such people, it becomes almost impossible for anyone to date, court, marry, work with, fellowship with, or live with them lovingly, reasonably, peacefully, and productively. In the midst of all the frenzy to get the worlds economy making progress on a sound footing, establishing peace through cooperative national and international initiatives, and combating the negative elements that promote chaos, we seem to have placed parenting on the back burner to a large extent, although we refer to it here and there. We should not forget that parenting, along with our marriages and homes constitute the family unit that forms the foundation of every nation. No matter our discoveries of national treasures and great accomplishments as legacy, our children are going to inherit and handle all that we are toiling for now. Are we preparing them adequately for the task ahead after we are gone? Some of us make a lot of noise in pulpits, on radio, in newspapers, on the internet, and on television, trying to manage corporations, churches, ministries, institutions, organizations, and large communities, but cannot manage one spouse, one or two children, and one little home. Lord, have mercy on us! Parenting is a core ingredient for fruitfulness and success in society, and must receive our full and devoted attention. Parenting should be at the central spot within the beltway of projects and policies we are racking our brains to hatch in the nest of strategic planning and tactical moves for future lasting success. Each of us had to be nursed, trained, and nurtured by our biological, step, adopted, or some kind of parent from birth up to this stage in life. The man and the woman, who engaged in physical intimacy to bring the baby into the world, are primarily responsible for the teaching, training, and nurturing of that child, using all the knowledge and means available to them, within every prevailing circumstance. Grandparents, other elders, family members, school teachers, counselors, pastors, church leaders and members, friends, colleagues, and the government do help with childcare and child training, but should not be made to become the primary caregivers and trainers for any son or daughter. Parents should be diligently responsible for their children, and not dump the responsibility on others, especially school teachers. Parenting has the same principles as discipleship, leadership, and mentoring. Parenting is among the toughest jobs on earth because it began in the sinful state of man. Starting from Adam and Eve, we never knew how to parent a child in our sinless state, since the first child was born outside the Garden of Eden (Genesis 4:1). I tell our children: We are imperfect parents training imperfect children. That is why a parent must be wise and humble enough to say sorry to a child when a father or mother mistakenly offends the child (e.g. wrong accusation, misinterpretation, mistakenly spanking the child, not having time for the child). Parenting is even tougher, more tasking, and more draining, in these advanced age for any father or mother because of an environment that cheaply offers too many raw materials to children for distractions, rebellion, carnality, laziness, callousness, immorality, several sinful activities, and a wide range of destructive habits. Being a father or a mother therefore poses a great challenge to men and women in our generation, and a greater challenge still, if the father or mother sets bad examples for the children, and is irresponsible, uncaring, and delinquent.

Childcare And Training


In my opinion, childcare and parenting pose more challenges to women than men in our generation because it is the woman who goes through the pain and toil of pregnancy, and gives birth to the child. She then has to face the enormous responsibility of providing the initial nutrition by way of breast milk, experiences most of the bodily contact with the baby, bathes and cleans the child, performs most of the necessities to maintain the child, and thereby bonds more to the child than the father. The physical and emotional attachment in addition to the burden of pregnancy and labor pains cause the mother to feel, sympathize, and empathize for the child more than the father does for his son or daughter. In majority of cases the father spends more time working and trying to provide for the family, and make achievements for them, while the woman spends most of her time attending to the welfare of the child, feed, tend, and care for the needs of the child. It is unfortunate that many men have become pollinators (like bees) hopping from flower to flower (woman to woman), and impregnating women without any plan or commitment to marry and team up with the woman as a wife to train and care for the child that resulted from his lustful escapade. All these factors create conditions that generate tough challenges for men and women who have to deal with all the complexities of raising a child in a modern environment that is saturated with distractions, overwhelming needs and activities, plus habits of irresponsibility that make many fathers heap the burden of childcare on women with little or no assistance. The challenges become more compounded by immoral activities and infidelity in marriages, abusive and wicked attacks, financial constraints, human interferences, child abuse and neglect, and other multiple needs.

SEASONS OF PARENTING
It must be recognized that parenting starts from birth to death, without completely ceasing at anytime in life. The role of the parent and the duties plus responses of the child simply alter with time, age, and status. We can fully understand this if we clearly define the responsibilities of children towards their parents. We need to understand that there are responsibilities of all sons and daughters towards their parents, no matter the age of the child in question.

When we speak of the responsibilities that children should have towards their parents, the first thought that comes into the mind of every parent is: Yes! Children should OBEY their parents. Indeed, every parent or adult is right to think so. But wait a minute! After you have read the information I have provided here, you will probably experience a revolution that will refine your thinking and orient it in a new direction. Parent-child relationship is a broad topic, and this piece is only one of a number of other articles I shall be writing on the subject. More information can be obtained in my book: Basic Principles Of Successful Parenting. Kindly put on your seat belt and let us fly! I recognize three seasons in the life of every human being, and in each season, we are to obey our parents. SEASON NUMBER ONE ----- Our Childhood or Adolescent Season

There is a nature in every human being that is prone to rebellion. Right after any child is born, he or she begins to exhibit rebellion to the point of sometimes trying to chew the nipples of the very breast the mother uses to feed him or her. The child begins to develop two kinds of cries --- one that signals hunger, pain, or discomfort, and another typical one that clearly depicts rebellion and the playing of tricks to get attention. As the child grows the parents are to teach the little one to obey instructions. Parents must live upright lives and set good example so as to make it easier and appropriate for children to respect and obey them. However, no child has an excuse for disobeying an unprincipled or delinquent parent. As you humble yourself and obey, you will be helping your parent to see the light and encourage Daddy or Mommy to amend his or her ways. Obedience brings Gods blessings. If your Mom or Dad tells you that your dress is revealing too much of your precious body parts and you therefore need to make some changes, do not say Oh no! Everyone in the area and in my school wears it! Well, remember that the majority is not always right; Noah was building a ship on dry ground but he was right while the whole world in his time was wrong. When the floods inundated the world he was finally proved right. You must have your values and principles in place, be convinced about them, and live by principle and not by circumstances. We basically respond to our parents during our childhood season, and build a relationship with them. SEASON NUMBER TWO ----- Our Adulthood or Marriage Season Once you say I do and seal your marriage with your vows, a new season begins. Just as parenting does not actually cease after a child marries, the same applies to children obeying their parents after they begin to be parents themselves. Although you leave home, you still need the advice of your parents one way or another. Anyone who marries and stretches out his or chest to say I dont need my parents anymore; I dont need any advice from them, is only being proud and foolish because your children will need them as grandparents. What your children hear you say about your parents and in-laws, and the behavior you portray to them, will seriously affect and jeopardize their attitude towards them and towards you. Be a shining example to your children. Teach them how to respect parents by your example of how you respect your parents. Even if your parents are dead there are uncles, aunts, grandparents, and other adults around in the extended family to be loved and respected. Since you are married and independent to a large degree, it is not easy to listen to advice, but try not to carry any rebellious attitude of your teenage years into your marriage life. It is a bad habit of immaturity to always run home to consult your Mom or Dad like a kid who is married but has not grown up. You must, however, have the right mature balance, and be flexible for counsel. You do not have to always do everything your parents tell you when you are married, but humbly consult them when necessary, listen carefully to them, and apply what is beneficial. They have experience that you do not possess (in childcare, investments, family relations, good customary principles etc.). During our adult season we are no more under their direct authority to respond to them directly, but we respond to their counsel instead. SEASON NUMBER THREE ----- Care-giving Season As we grow older our parents will need our support at some stage. We must be aware of this and prepare for it. You will be giving back to them the tender care they gave to you when you were a child. It should be a joy and a delight on your part to assist them to complete the few years left

for them on earth peacefully. You should not wait to be begged or forced by circumstances to love and care for your aged parents. Worst of all, dont pretend you have too many problems to solve, and use that as an excuse to develop a callous and uncaring heart. Most often our elderly folk need more of our physical presence and expressions of love in different ways and not just our occasional gifts. In my marriage I learned how to physically travel to my parents or in-laws to give them any gifts I have, rather than sending them through someone else, unless I am out of the country where they live and would not be able to travel there soon. I strongly advise you to look for your parents or their representatives wherever they are, and give them some love and care, as a continuation of the parental obedience you learned from childhood. In your older years you respond more to the needs of your parents. Now the big question is: Children are to obey their parents; are you now living in obedience? Every age of a person has its degree of obedience. The heart of love you developed for your parents from your infant years should grow and bear fruit throughout your adult life. The same situation holds true for your parents who should continue parenting you at least through their prayers, little gifts, phone calls, messages, or occasional visits, and helping to nurture their grandchildren (your kids). If problems have developed between you and your parent, or parents (or elders in your family and representatives of your parents), then I advise you to take humble steps to resolve them, and still submit to them. God warned us in the 10 Commandments that if you honor your father and mother, your life is prolonged on the earth, and it goes well with you" (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:1-4). Please note this solemn deduction: It means that if parents do not live righteous, honorable, and respectable lives for their children
to honor and respect them, then the parents are shortening the lives of their own children! Wow!!

Sometimes I wonder if the lifespan in the present generation of humans is so short compared to the incredibly long lives of hundreds of years in the olden days, because of the way we live in disobedience and rebellion, and disrespect our parents and elders?? Family life is so important to God that he placed it right in the middle of the 10 Commandments (Commandment number 5), and it is the starting point of all duties to man, after He outlined to us our duties to God. If we understand and accept this truth regarding child-parent relationship, then we must be fully aware that if a father or a mother does not live in obedience to his or her own parents, then that becomes a bad testimony to a son or daughter that the particular father or mother is trying to teach and discipline in order for the child to fall in line with the parental rules of obedience required of him or her. It also means that parents must train their children in such a way that when they grow to become adults, they will still obey them as parents and respond to their genuine needs until their elderly father and mother die. Institutions, churches, organizations, communities, and the government must seriously embark upon educative projects and strategic plans to educate and train present as well as future parents to know how engage in exemplary leadership and mentoring, and how to love, nurture, and train their children in more purposeful and productive ways for the progress and fruitfulness of our societies, and the nation as a whole.
Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra, Ghana on Saturdays at 5:30 am 6:00 am (Ghana Time) or 12:30 am 1:00 am (US Eastern Time, November - March) and listen to Dr. Kisseadoo's broadcast "Hope For Your Family". Access on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM, and click on Live Radio. Obtain more information from Dr. Kisseadoos book Challenges of Modern Men and Women In Relationships (plus 7 other books) by searching online from: RedLeadBooks.com, using his name, or from Amazon.com. Contact Dr. Kisseadoo in the USA (1757-7289330) for copies of all of his 13 books (including book on Parenting) or free counseling and prayer. Visit our website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com for essentials that will enrich your relationships and ministry. Call 233-20-8209567 or 233-276-322982 in Accra or 233-275-353802 in Kumasi for message CDs, books, free

counseling, prayer, and seminars. Use DrSamuel Kisseadoo to access his Wall on Facebook.com. Copyright December2010 Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, USA. International Evangelist. Ordained & Licensed Minister. Conference Speaker). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc. (Evangelistic & Teaching Ministry). 6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669, USA. Ph 757-7289330 E-mail: kisseadoo@msn.com

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OVERCOMING THE CHALLENGE OF FEELING UN-LOVED AND REJECTED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS (Published Nov. 2010)
Challenges are unavoidable in our daily lives, especially in our relationships. All challenges must have their ultimate purpose and benefit of shaping our character, teaching us new and vital lessons of life, toughening us, drawing us closer to God for godliness, and humbling us to be more repentant, kind, and compassionate. But we must live in such a wise and godly way that we can avoid unnecessary and destructive challenges due to recklessness, pride, laziness, stubbornness, disobedience, foolishness, immature decisions, and unwise choices. Today, many of us face the huge challenge of feeling un-loved and un-accepted, and feeling rejected in our marriages, courtships, homes, and families, which are all transferred to churches, institutions, and the workplace. Women in particular are the chief victims. To deal with the challenges of love and acceptance, and to also avoid rejection, I will offer a few suggestions:

1) Begin Your Relationship In The Right Way


Do not start your relationship with a faulty start of negative factors such as immorality, rebellion against parental authority (or authority of your elders), and lightheartedness, and settle in marriage or the love relationship with that weak or poor foundation. In many of such instances, pregnancy and intense sexual activity results, which is then converted into marriage, without careful consideration of future implications, and in-built conviction and desire to sacrificially love and accept the partner without dependence on mere feelings and emotional decisions. 2) Let

Your Relationship Be Based On True Knowledge

Make all the necessary inquiries that will enable you to ensure that you know very well, the person you are going to share your life with. Gather as much information and important knowledge as you can, about his past life, his present lifestyle, his personality, and his character. Be fully aware that you fall in love with a personality, but you finally live with a character. Knowledge is what we really use to live

with people. Therefore, pray to the Lord to show you all that you need to know, and use all the means available to you to gather essential information about the person before you make a commitment. Beware also of false or distorted knowledge about the person, which could cause you to start or continue the relationship with doubts, suspicion, and fear. If you allow yourself to be fed by wrong advice and information from family members and friends, or become rooted in old-fashioned cultural and traditional beliefs that do not promote meaningful relationships, then you can set the pace for behavior and acts that would breed rejection, due to conditions that would not permit genuine love to be established between the two of you. 3) Check

Your Motives; Be Sincere, And Have Insight

Examine yourself critically and find out if a habit, an offence, or fault of yours is not contributing towards the other persons un-loving attitude towards you. If you discover any negative factor on your part, then make the necessary changes (including real repentance and apologies for offences), and allow your new behavior and lifestyle to build fresh love and acceptance in your mate or friend. It is common to also discover that people marry their partners or pick lovers and other partners for because of business advantages, beauty, fame, financial position, talents and gifts, desire to use the woman to bear children for him (or the woman simply wanting a man who can make her pregnant), and other forms of riches and gains as the overriding motive. Although several men deceive and take advantage of women, there have been cases where a man sincerely loves a woman, but it is rather the woman who camouflages her true motives, and creates a false bond with him merely to use him and gain from his efforts and resources. After a while the man discovers it and begins to pull away until all of his love and acceptance of the woman erodes away completely. It is important to examine your true motives and deal with any insincerity in your mind and heart. Even when you are wrong in any area or wrong at anytime, do the best you can to ensure that you are sincerely wrong and not deceitful or mischievous. If you realize, that the word love is used in the love affair as a term more than a definition of things practiced in the relationship, then both of you must thoroughly address the issue. Sometimes the person has not really opened his heart to accept you, but loves some things of yours or some things about you, but does not genuinely love you as a person. In such cases you should know that you have already set the stage for future rejection and absence of love in the relationship. If you do business, engage in ministry, or run an organization with someone whose motive is to simply use you for his selfish ambitions, then you must be sure that in the end the man will not treat you fairly, and will not exhibit the love and acceptance you deserve or expect from him. 4) Engage

In Open Communication And Dialogue

Communication is the blood of all relationships, and your relationship will therefore be anemic or lifeless if communication does not flow from both sides of the couple or lovers in the love affair, marriage, or relationship. Open and sincere communication is the foundation for true and total knowledge that will be synthesized by the mind and heart to generate and build true love that is enthusiastic, satisfying, and sustaining. Learn to be a good listener in order to ask intelligent and necessary questions, and offer good answers. Every person who is a poor listener is always a very poor communicator as well. If God wanted you to talk more than to listen, He would have given you two mouths and one ear! Please,

learn to listen to people, if you are ever going to understand them, agree to work with them in unity, and be of a blessing to them. 5) Learn

To Forgive

Mistakes, offences, disappointments, and surprises are characteristic in any relationship. Anyone who is not ready to accept and deal with them effectively will be a poor lover, companion, family member, or friend. True knowledge of the person you are dealing or living with, resulting from open-hearted frequent communication, will always enable you to excuse the one, give benefit of the doubt, and especially understand your partner or friend, forgive or deal with the particular issue effectively in your mind and heart, talk matters over, continue to believe each other, and move along progressively with increasing love in the relationship. Forgiveness is a contract you sign with God in prayer to forgive the one as Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:32). It does not mean that when you later see the person you will suddenly feel abundant love in your heart for him or her. You need to allow the circumstances to break and humble you before God, as you thoughtfully apply wisdom to take all the possible physical steps to assure the one of your forgiveness, release the person from the guilt of the offence, and gradually build love and trust again. God has already warned us that un-forgiveness will always hinder the answers to our prayers, and prevent God from forgiving our offences against Him (Mathew 6:14, 15; Mark 11:26).

6) Determine To Be A Consistent True Lover


If you want people to love you, then make every effort to give love (first) and learn also to accept love from others, and be a good steward (manager) of love. Let your love and acceptance become faithful and consistent. You can do so by depending on Gods power through prayer and obedience to Gods word, constant forgiveness, and meaningful acts of love. In my book The Fundamental And Special Needs of Men and Women, I stated that in my opinion, there are five primary factors that define your love for someone. You must look out for the persons: a) Welfare --- what promotes the persons prosperity and progress in life. b) Needs --- what is necessary for the one to live normal life as a man or woman in a particular capacity, in order for the person to grow to full maturity. c) Interests --- what delights the person, what he or she engages in to gain satisfaction, what makes the one happy, and what provides joy for the individual according to the persons personal traits and natural make-up. d) Rights --- the important things that society or the institution in question (e.g. marriage) requires that the person obtains for himself or herself without denial. e) Opinions --- the sincere ideas, concepts, suggestions, and inputs of the person towards the progress of all of you in the relationship. 7) Learn To Accept People If you do not train yourself to make room in your heart to accept people, then it will be difficult for people to accept you, because they will also sense that you do not accept them, and they will therefore find it hard to accept you. The heart of man has a door that you can open or close. Paul told the Corinthians: Open your hearts (receive us) (1 Corinthians 7:2). I have discovered that the mind is the key to open the heart. Once you make up your mind about someone (to reach out to the one or not) in a positive or negative way, you will either go all out to open your heart to the one, or continually close your heart to the person. There are men who had children with their wives, gave them all the physical care, and died,

leaving behind money and property for the family. But as the wife and children stood by their coffin, they asked in their minds: Who really is this man? This is because Dear Daddy (Dear Husband) never really opened his heart to the wife and children, and so the family knew very little about his private life or his mind on various issues of life. You do not have to desire, admire, or have any special liking for everything in the life of someone before you accept the person. Learn the secret of unconditional acceptance with the help of God, while you still maintain your integrity, and gradually relate to the person lovingly and patiently until you become an agent of change in the persons life, and create a condition for your heart to accept the person more. You have to evaluate the total person on the basis of Gods love for you and for the one. If he or she is snobbish, mean, and un-loving, then you need to examine the one closely and understand the basis of his or her problem, and not take the attitude too personally as special hatred for you alone, although that could also be true in some instances. Aim at praying for and helping the one by being a good example of love and acceptance. Focus on the good things you see in the person now; admire those desirable qualities, and develop a heart of humility and compassion for the person as you interact with the one, and wait for God to work more in that person to transform him or her and produce other desirable characteristics that are not yet present. You will thereby develop an excellent godly character that will have the capability to face every challenge of love and acceptance boldly and effectively. You will not become a victim of the constant self-pity and downcast spirit of people in relationships that is eating them up in their private lives, and has rendered them confused, fearful, sorrowful, rejected, dejected, disappointed, and unproductive. You can renew your love and learn real affection and endurance in your relationships, if you tap into Gods power and determine to develop the moral strength in accepting and being kind to the partner, family member, or friend who makes you feel un-loved or unaccepted.
Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra, Ghana on Saturdays at 5:30 am 6:00 am (Ghana Time) or 12:30 am 1:00 am (US Eastern Time, November - March) and listen to Dr. Kisseadoo's broadcast "Hope For Your Family". Access on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM, and click on Live Radio. Obtain more information from Dr. Kisseadoos book Challenges of Modern Men and Women In Relationships (plus 7 other books) by searching online from: RedLeadBooks.com, using his name, or from Amazon.com. Contact Dr. Kisseadoo in the USA (7577289330) for copies of all of his 13 books or free counseling and prayer. Visit our website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com for essentials that will enrich your relationships and ministry. Call 233-208209567 in Accra or 233-275-353802 in Kumasi for message CDs, books, free counseling, prayer, and seminars. Use DrSamuel Kisseadoo to access his Wall on Facebook.com. Copyright December2010 Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, USA). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc. (Evangelistic & Teaching Ministry). 6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669, USA. Ph 757-7289330 E-mail: kisseadoo@msn.com

BEAUTY VERSUS HONESTY AND INTEGRITY IN COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGES (Published Oct. 2010)
It is important and quite interesting for us to explore one of the major differences between males and females --- beauty (in women) versus honesty (in men). Males are naturally wired to be creatures of the eye. Men therefore desire and focus very much on the outward physical beauty of women. This tendency towards externalities in females often magnetizes many men into the traps and tentacles of the juicy looks of women that drip from their comely bodies, and divert attention from a more important inward spiritual beauty (character) that several men tend to ignore in women, and later pay for the bitter consequences. Many woman care about the physical looks of men in several respects as well; but in general it is not the overriding concern of a number of women, and the preference for a very handsome man does not come even close to the hilarious ecstasy that descends on men at the sight of a beautiful lady. The women on the other hand are wired by God to be creatures of the heart and emotions. Females therefore desire love and inner beauty, along with positions of achievement that can offer them care, contentment, and security. Women always long for deeper qualities of honest hearts and a spirit of integrity in every man, more than men do for women. Integrity means consistently doing what you said you will do without changing your character, actions, or attitude at anytime. That becomes the basis for faithfulness that refers to consistency in doing the same good things without changes that will alter the desired results.

NO WOMAN CAN THEREFORE LIVE WITH OR ENJOY ANY MEANINGFUL FELLOWSHIP, RELATIONSHIP, OR MARRIAGE WITH ANY MAN WHO DOES NOT TELL THE TRUTH BY MOUTH AND/OR BY DEED, AND WHO DOES NOT KEEP HIS PROMISES MADE TO PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY TO A FIANCEE OR WIFE. IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT A WOMAN CAN TELL LIES AND BE EXCUSED. SHE MUST TELL THE TRUTH CONSISTENTLY AS WELL. IN SOME MARRIAGES THE WOMEN RATHER ARE THE LIARS. BUT HONESTY SEEMS TO BE A BIGGER PROBLEM FOR MANY MEN ESPECAILLY IN TERMS OF COMMITMENT TO ONE WOMAN AS A LOVER, DIFFERENT FORMS OF EXTRA-MARITAL SEXUAL AFFAIRS, FINANCIAL DEALINGS, INVESTMENTS, ASSOCIATIONS, AND FRIENDSHIPS. NO MAN CAN ALSO TRULY LOVE, ACCEPT, AND ENJOY ANY DEEP RELATIONSHIP WITH ANY WOMAN WHOM HE LOOKS AT BUT DOES NOT FEEL ATTRACTED TO HER PHYSICALLY. THE MAN CAN PRETENT TO LOVE HER BECAUSE OF FINANCIAL GAINS AND OTHER BENEFITS, AND STILL BECOME STIRRED MERELY BY THE WOMANS SEXUAL APPEAL THAT AUTOMATICALLY FLOWS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IF THEY COME CLOSE ENOUGH WITH ROMANTIC INTENT. BUT THERE WILL BE NO GENUINE INNER LOVE AND COMMITMENT FOR A LASTING RELATIONSHIP, AND SUCH A MARRIAGE IS DOOMED TO FAILURE UNLESS TRUE REPENTANCE, HARD WORK, AND GODS INTERVENTION COME INTO PLAY.

It is a known fact that some men get into close relationships with women who do not really appeal to them, and whom they do not genuinely love. In such cases they befriend or marry them with ulterior motives of using them for their selfish gains (financially, sexually, materially, domestically etc.)

Some women do not care very well about their bodies (shape, size, smell, hair texture and style, skin, nails, teeth, etc.) and especially their manner, choice, and style of dressing, after they have settled in a marriage. This personal mishandling of womens bodies happens frequently after the women are satisfied with the number of children and property they have obtained in the marriage. They do not allow sex, romance, and therefore beauty and looks of their body to become a priority anymore. That is a very unwise and dangerous recipe for the weakening of the attractive bond in any marriage. It sets the stage for the husband to be lured and attracted to other good looking women whom he finally finds himself spending more quality time with, rather than enjoying quality time with his wife and children. The worst part is that it opens wide doors for adultery that brews terrible unfaithfulness that can culminate in separation and divorce. It does not mean that men should only focus on telling the truth and keeping their promises without caring for their bodies as well. Any good and decent man who is fit to become a GOOD husband or fiancee, would not leave his fingernails to grow and become claws like an eagle, accumulate sweat by repeatedly wearing the same shirt or underwear for weeks, refuse to use lotion on his body till the skin appears to be that of a crocodile in the jungle, neglect to use deodorant under his armpit until the foul odor brings jubilant troupes of flies after him in the streets, allow his armpit to grow hairs like a tropical bush that harbors all kinds of insects, watches his moustache to do what it wants to do on his face until it looks like a broom, and then abandons his hair to be as unkempt as that of a homeless and mentally demented fellow in the Central Park of New York City! We should not forget that cleanliness is next to godliness. It is always advisable for every woman to ask and know the physical qualities that attracted her man to desire her for a romantic relationship, especially when they have married. Then she must make every effort to maintain those qualities. Our bodies change as we grow older, but a wise, clean, and elegant woman who really loves her beauty, and is committed to give her husband or mate a body to appreciate and enjoy, will make every effort to maintain an attractive body and elegant physical appearance at all times. If the man was attracted by the Guitar or Coca-Cola Bottle type of shape, and the woman carelessly consumes all kinds of foods until her shape changes to become a semblance of watermelon or coconut, then there will be trouble in the relationship. A man who also loves to behold and handle much flesh on the body of his wife will find it a problem to be attracted to his wife later in the relationship if she engages in physical exercises and stringent diet practices until her figure resembles a slender pole or broom stick.

Every man must lay a strong foundation of honesty and integrity from the very beginning of the relationship, right from the day he proposed to the lady. Honesty is not just the best policy, but is actually Gods policy. The man must strive to abide in honesty and integrity that will cement the marriage or romantic relationship all the way to its completion (till death do them part). The lady must reciprocate with the maintenance of her honest yes to the proposal, and become honestly committed to her man at all times in the relationship, in order to encourage him to be absolutely open-hearted and fully committed to her. From hundred of personal observations, women have a very high tendency to honestly love their men and become committed to the marriage and the children, than most men do. Therefore most women become very devastated when they discover hypocrisy, shady deals, illicit love affairs, and dishonest excuses in the life of their beloved men. Some women can be lured by money and material wealth or romantic attraction to run after other men, but most women who leave a man would do so after

they become too tired to deal with the infidelity, lack of integrity, abuses, in-law threats and interferences, and insecurity in the marriage created by the men the originally trusted. Even if the woman shows some dishonesty in the relationship, you as the man must exhibit righteousness and strength in character as an able and trustworthy LEADER of your fiance, or wife and children, backed by the fear of God and fueled by the passion to do Gods will. It is immature and foolish for any man to resort to a life of deception, tricks, lies, abuses, apathy, violence, and extra-marital romantic affairs as retaliation or means to cheat your wife, subdue her, or hinder her progress in any relationship. That is utter defeat for your manhood if you do that as a respectable man. In the same way, it a shameful defeat and disgrace for any woman to ignorantly or intentionally sell her body to any man outside of her marriage or courtship, or neglect good care of her precious God-given body, as revenge to punish a man who would not love and care properly for her, or mistreat and dishonor her body to hurt and annoy a husband who is siding with in-laws against her or flirting with another woman. Please, let us diligently maintain the right balance between inner and outer beauty for men and women in our relationships, as we educate ourselves to understand these fundamental differences, and find common soil that we can happily agree to plant ourselves into, for mutual growth and maximum productivity in our courtships and marriages.
Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra, Ghana on Saturdays at 5:30 am 6:00 am (Ghana Time) or 1:30 am 2:00 am (US Eastern Time, October - March) and listen to Dr. Kisseadoo's broadcast "Hope For Your Family", which is simultaneously transmitted through LUV 99.5 FM in Kumasi. Access on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM. Obtain more information from Dr. Kisseadoos book: "Differences Between Males and Females"(plus his 12 other books) from RedLeadBooks.com, or from Amazon.com. Contact Dr. Kisseadoo in the USA (757-7289330) for copies of all of his 13 books or free counseling and prayer. Visit our website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com for varieties of resources. Copyright Oct. 2010 Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, USA). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc. (Evangelistic & Teaching Ministry), 6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669, USA. Ph 757-7289330 Fax 757-7289335 E-mail: kisseadoo@msn.com

WHY DO WE HAVE TOO MANY UNHAPPY AND FAILED MARRIAGES TODAY? (Published July 2010)
Sometimes I wonder if this present generation tops the list of dysfunctional families, unhappy homes, and failed marriages ever recorded since the beginning of time. We know that marriage has never been always smooth-sailing and everyday-sweet for any married persons in this world, but it appears that the marital responsibilities and required duties are too tasking for several married individuals of our time. What should provide us with joy and peace rather constitutes a wearisome drudgery that often gives us pain. In summary, too many people are merely enduring their marriages and other relationships reluctantly, rather than enjoying them. To help find solutions to our present marriage predicaments, you are cordially invited to make time and participate freely in the 2010 JOY Bridal Fair held annually at the Accra International Conference Center, which opens at 10 am on Thursday 1st July to 9 pm on Sunday 4th July 2010, to learn more about practical things we miss in our preparations for successful marriage and family life, or neglect in our marriages and home affairs. You are especially encouraged to attend the much-acclaimed Bridal Symposium at the main auditorium of the international center at 10 am 12 noon on Saturday 3rd July 2010, when a remarkable parade of astute and brilliant counselors and experienced marriage personnel will present solid teachings on the performance of responsibilities in marriage, and engage the attendants in lively discussions and question-answer sessions. Some answers will be provided to the question I am presently posing regarding the causes of many failed marriages today. Technological advancement and modern development have reached their peak in several respects, but human development in terms of good human relationships and productive family life have eluded us. True family values that form the original foundations of our present societies have sank to their lowest levels in history. Even African cultures and other localities in the world, where traditional family bonds are reputed to be very strong, are developing fragile family bonds at alarming rates. Families in these traditional places are known to be energized by the strongest sense of community, extraordinary family connections, unflinching home support, and formidable bonds of marital solidarity, but are now seen to be precipitating downhill towards self-centeredness at alarming rates, and disintegrating very fast. Selfishness, greed, selfsufficiency, rebellious independence, and selfish ambition have characterized most relationships, especially marriages and romantic associations. I believe that many expectations are not met, family and marital productivity have dwindled, marital contentment is at its lowest point, and several married individuals feel disappointed today because we have been deceived to entertain the wrong impression that you enter into marriage to enjoy a finished product. This unfortunate idea is far from correct. Several marriages begin on the wrong footing, and some marriages are even dead on arrival. In other words, several marriages are not started right. Some people force to establish bonds that cannot be formed in any way, and even if they appear to stick together, will never remain joined together for any appreciable length of time. Many people begin their marriage in a lighthearted manner without the required seriousness, commitment, and proper principles and practices in place. The worst situation is when a marriage starts in an immoral or deceitful way, with a relationship plagued by fornication, perversions, deceptions, selfishness, prejudice, and lies. Apart from incurring Gods displeasure from sinful acts (unless there is true repentance), the respect of the man and woman for each other quickly vanishes. If you start any deep relationship without the required respect for each other, you can never join together peacefully and joyfully to accomplish anything successful. In marriage you are provided with the essential ingredients, similar to the enjoyment of any meal. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO PREPARE YOUR OWN FOOD PROPERLY BEFORE YOU CAN TRULY ENJOY IT, AND CONFIDENTLY DISH IT OUT TO OTHERS FOR THEIR ENJOYMENT AS WELL. Our skills and preferences are different, and no meal of any two people will be exactly the same, although

our original ingredients will be identical. We can draw inspiration from one another but can never (and should not even try to) be the same, although we can come very close to being alike. Lack of understanding of this underlying principle has caused our expectations to become too high for the kind of grade we wish to assign for the performance of our partners. We are always comparing our performance and the qualities in our mates with others, and robbing ourselves the wisdom of appreciating our partners. We miss the joy of humble thanksgiving to God for His gifts, and development of grateful hearts that are truly prepared as responsible stewards to receive more from the Lord. This leads to the next problem of our inability, ignorance, or refusal to make any initial efforts (on our part) to diligently put our required contributions into the relationship container first before fetching anything out of the marriage bucket. Please, understand that it is your spiritual, moral, physical, and social obligation to use wisdom and skill given by God (the originator of all things), and good counsel from experienced people, to carefully put the marital ingredients together properly, for your enjoyment, satisfaction, and success of your own marriage. You should therefore know what qualities to look for before you choose someone as your permanent partner in marriage. Carnal feelings, fantasies, personal enjoyment, urges from people, and personal desires, should be at the back seat of your moves, and not unduly promoted to occupy the driving seat of your life for important decisions and choices. Every marriage is therefore not an end in itself; it is rather a means to an end. It is not an arrival; it is a life-long journey instead. There are those who RUSH into marriage unprepared, and end up in dissatisfaction, failure, and disaster. The commitment and duties are too awesome for any ad hoc or interim measures to survive the heavy load of responsibilities, obligations, and management of the resulting benefits and blessings. No one really gets fully prepared for marriage in this life, but there are fundamental moral, physical, mental, spiritual, financial, social, academic, and other forms of preparations that a person needs to acquire before he or she can have a successful marriage relationship. You cannot in any way succeed in realizing a fruitful marriage and very productive family life if, for example, you do not develop the fear of God, a spirit of forgiveness, a heart of love and sharing, sensitivity to peoples needs and their rights, respect and appreciation for your partner, and commitment to your expected domestic duties. Some people are able to grope and struggle through their difficulties, and discover ultimate solutions to their marital and family life problems. They consequently work their way through in dedicated teamwork, till they get on the right track together for success and contentment. Majority of unprepared, ignorant, and non-committed folk, however, do not make it very far, and end up creating untold permanent damage to themselves and others who come within their sphere of influence. During one of my radio programs on marriage and family life in Kumasi (second largest city of Ghana) sometime ago, a man called on air with a sincere and urgent tone and made the following appeal: Two of my male friends who are too young to handle the responsibilities of family life rushed into marriage recently. Both had nice wedding ceremonies. Within four months after their wedding, both divorced their wives. In my opinion, the Government should pass a law stipulating that if you marry and divorce your spouse within the first two years, you should be put in jail for one year. Well, all of us laughed at the proposition, but agreed with the seriousness of the prevailing marital disasters and desecration of the holiest of human institutions, and understood why some people advocate for urgent measures to curb the messy situation. It is interesting that some time ago on one radio station in the US I heard the following: In the United States, at least 1.2 million couples divorce every year; most of these are not even represented by any lawyer during the divorce procedure. The solution to this serious problem is the offering of Good PreMarital Instruction (Teaching). Present analysis indicates that the divorce figures given at that time are even higher now (in 2010) with grim statistics staring at us. It amazed me that the radio station spelt out the exact solution for most marriage problems that I was going to propose, and have been campaigning for --- post-marital counseling or program, after providing very practical pre-marital counseling before the marriage.

In my opinion, lack of adequate knowledge about the partner that the one has chosen to marry, plus the absence or insufficiency of pre-marital as well as post-marital counseling, contribute a lot towards failed marriages, broken down romantic relationships, and unhappy homes, creating most of the marital tragedies we see so rampant around us. People lack the essential values and principles that will enable them to know the real meaning of marriage, become equipped to deal with future problems that will emerge, and for them to understand exactly what they are going in for or entering into in the marriage. The majority of married people become disappointed soon after living with their spouses, and never seem to get past their disappointments until the relationship grows sour for the rest of their lives. Most of such marriages end up tragically in divorce. Some couples separate and never come together again, although they do not officially divorce. Others manage to merely coexist without any joy, peace, or satisfaction. Their bodies are present in the house, but their minds and spirits are far apart, and are rather diverted and focused on other people and different things. Infidelity easily creeps in, mixed with deception, lies, selfishness, wanton living, and often wickedness and vengeance. Sicknesses like high blood pressure, ulcers, depression, and mental derangement tend to characterize several of these individuals, as a result of worry, anxiety, fear, anger, and frustration. Instead of joint partnership, each person in a dysfunctional marriage has his or her own separate agenda. In such instances, communication, the key to any meaningful relationship, completely breaks down. Marriage and all relationships go through seasons. There are important lessons to learn for each season, in order for marriage to fulfill its God-intended purpose which is to teach us about the relationship between Christ and the Church, and break us in order to produce godly character in us. God uses the relationship to build godly character in you. How God uses the weaknesses of your partner to expose your own weaknesses, for you to see your real needs, and allow God to use the relationship to change you for the acquisition of wisdom and better service. Mutual Bible meditation and mutual prayer (in addition to individual devotions), will always dissolve anger, pride, selfishness, resentment, discouragement, unforgiveness, hurts, and disappointments. Such mutual fellowship subjected to the power of God also opens the door for mutual open discussion (dialogue) along with listening ears and humble hearts to listen, deepen love, and make every effort to plan, say, and do what makes each other productive and happy in the relationship. Common faith, obedience to God's word, humility, and agreement between a husband and a wife, are very important for answers to prayer, and for God to pour more of His blessings into the marriage, so that one side would not just be selfish with God's gifts and provisions. Wise and godly management of resources is also important, in order to demonstrate faithfulness to God, and the ability to become trustworthy for more important things to be entrusted to you, along with more blessings from the Lord for proper use and stewardship. The husband must do his best to make time for the wife, appreciate, and love her deeply; and the wife must humbly submit to the leadership of the husband, support him fully, and show him utmost respect. Communication is the blood of all good and productive relationships, and must be whipped up strongly throughout the entire period of the marriage relationship especially with lively conversation. The two people must determine to bond with each other in sincere intimacy and good romance. The bond of love and romance will grow stronger with time as both practice romantic, loving, and affectionate acts constantly. The couple should learn how to make joint decisions and engage in joint parenting. I have personally found the following combination very useful for good intimacy: Holding our hands to pray; studying the Bible together; going out together (including church services and programs); sharing some entertainment activities together; mutual house cleaning and performance of other chores; engaging in a lot of good lively conversation; sharing of our minds; close and prolonged hugging; good mutual lovemaking; saying sorry promptly and forgiving offences very quickly; regular passionate kissing and petting; letting people know where you go to or where you are coming from; financial honesty; provision of basic needs of each other; and keeping regular contact with home when you are out

of the house ---- this good mixture is a powerful concrete anyone can use to build a strong foundation of marital love, romance, true commitment, fruitfulness, and success. As you decide to fully enjoy each other in the marriage, and make every effort to live in forgiveness and tolerance, you allow God to gradually use the relationship to build humility, passionate love, godliness, and strong character in you. The secret of change is that if you want people to change, you must change first. One of the best attitudes towards marriage is to regard your partner and his or her home (your in-laws) as your special mission field. Your spouse should finally become your closest friend. In summary, it is discovered that when the two people in a marriage do not adequately know and understand each other, and do not especially gain a real meaning of marriage and the total implications of a permanent joint partnership to make a home and build a family life, then all the marriage vows are broken, the basic principles become violated, resources are wantonly dissipated, and the precious marital and family values are defiantly abrogated and relegated to shambles. I believe that most people who marry do so with some of the common, handed-down shallow ideas about marriage in view without adequate preparations and a strong desire for commitment. They do not therefore really begin the relationship well in the way they have to, because they did not originally UNDERSTAND clearly what the institution of marriage is really meant for, and WHY THE TWO OF THEM DECIDED TO JOIN THEIR LIVES TOGETHER IN THE PERMANENT BOND OF MARRIAGE. Marriage is unique union between one man and one woman, and no one should be allowed to come between the couple and interfere with the sacred union. However, it must be understood that marriage does not ultimately become a relationship between only you and your partner with no connections at all, but marriage causes the creation of a family (close and extended family relations), and brings other persons (children and inlaws, and even friends) into your lives for the establishment of blood relations, permanent associations, and very close relations that will forever remain in the historical records on earth. Good question: Do you really understand marriage, making of a home, and real family life? If not, are you ready to learn and practice what you are taught?
More details can be obtained in Dr. Kisseadoos book: Why Do We Marry. Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra, Ghana on Saturdays at 5:30 am 6:00 am (Ghana Time) or 1:30 am 2:00 am (US Eastern Time, October March) and listen to Dr. Kisseadoo's broadcast "Hope For Your Family". Access on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM, and click on Live Radio. Obtain more information from Dr. Kisseadoos books: "Differences Between Males and Females"; "Conflict Resolution and Agreement"; and "10 Keys for Success" by searching online with: RedLeadBooks.com, using his name Samuel Kisseadoo.", or from Amazon.com. Contact Dr. Kisseadoo in the USA (7577289330) for copies of all of his 13 books or free counseling and prayer. Visit our website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com for essentials that will enrich your relationships and ministry. Copyright July 2010 Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, USA). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc. (Evangelistic & Teaching Ministry), 6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669, USA. Ph 7577289330 Fax 7577289335 Email: kisseadoo@msn.com

MONEY, WORK, AND FAMILY (Published May 2010)

Good financial management constitutes one of the major foundations of successful family life, and the prosperity of any community or nation, since the family is the foundation for any nation. Diligent acquisition of money and judicious use of financial resources therefore become primary areas of trouble or importance in all marriages and family activities, and constitute the forces that drive the projects of all countries. No marriage or family life can be productive and successful if there is no source of income to meet essential needs, or proper financial management of the income that is received. We should first of all understand that money goes hand in hand with good work. I mean honest productive work. We must admit in all sincerity that it is impossible to separate real money from real honest and hard work. Even if your money was a gift you received, someone must have worked hard to earn that money, and should expect you to wisely invest the monetary gift to obtain some appreciable profit in order to bless someone else with money as a gift in the same way you received yours. We must therefore think of good work (good job, good career) anytime we think of money, although all of us know that engagement in productive labor enables us to develop and sharpen our skills as well, and simultaneously gives us the inner gratification of our important contribution towards the progress of society. After careful analysis, I wish to point out the following observations that would constitute principles that we can use as the basis of lively financial discussions aimed at teaching and gaining essential financial lessons: 1) Recognize that God owns everything. Yes, God owns you as a person. He owns your marriage and family, your talents and gifts, your wealth and business, and owns all of your treasures and resources. We cannot therefore behave as if we are the originators and owners of all the jobs, different careers or professions, businesses, technology, intelligence, and skills for the acquisition of money, wealth, investments, property, and achievements. It is God who grants us the grace to be what we are, obtain what we have, securely keep what we accumulate, and effectively use what comes into our laps for success. There is therefore no reason or room for any pride, boasting, and bragging about our work and wealth (and even ministry, position of authority, opportunities, special gifts, and spouse or children) as if we are our own masters. There is no reason for us to use our money and work advantages as weapons to shoot down our spouses, family members, colleagues, and friends, and look down upon them or despise them because we have, and they have not. 2) Be a good and faithful steward. Excellent stewardship (good management) is a primary sign of wisdom, insight, appreciation, love, diligence, trustworthiness, dependability, and faithfulness. Let me explain --- You take good care because: (a) you apply knowledge properly for good management and solving problems that arise (wisdom); (b) you see and predict future needs, problems, and opportunities ahead of time and prepare for them (insight); (c) you are grateful for what you receive and recognize that you have it by grace, and are thankful for the things as well as the people who helped you to obtain them (appreciation); (d) you love God and love the people in your life (especially your spouse and children or parents) so dearly that you want to take very good care of what you have received on behalf of the entire family (love); (e) you work hard to obtain your money and property, and are therefore motivated to take good care of what you received through toil and sweat, and regard it as valuable and not cheap (diligence); (f) you possess enough integrity to be entrusted with money and resources, and exhibit the ability to be trusted and given more money and resources for you to manage (trustworthiness); (g) you can be depended on by

your spouse, family members, and friends to cooperate and help them to manage finances and important resources (dependability); (h) you will always continue to exhibit good care-taking and care-giving, and persistently be a trusted manager of money, property, and investments without compromising or changing your good values (faithfulness). Good stewardship should actually be the starting point in any efforts to work, do business, make investments, get money, and acquire property. Any person who does not know how to take very good care of important things and money entrusted to him or her, but has very bad spending habits, shows carelessness in the handling of property, and portrays unwise use of resources, will finally become a wasteful squanderer of resources and a financial disaster! You must learn to develop the character of being a good caretaker and manager of everything you are entrusted with, especially people, work, money, and property. Many of us do not take very good care of our husbands, wives, and children or other people entrusted into our care, but expect them to become helpers and agents who bring income and wealth into the family. Some partners simply make use of their mates to toil for money and property for them, without any love and care for the welfare of those they benefit from, and often cheat them by unjustly denying them of any fair share of the resources of the marriage, home, family, business, organization, and even in ministries and churches. Sometimes they enjoy the benefits and even abuse then in return. That is wickedness! Such unfaithfulness and bad stewardship does not promote blessings and material prosperity in any marriage, family, relationship, organization, business, or society. 3) God will help you to prosper if you submit to his authority and work hard. You must be diligent with every kind of good work that becomes available to you, either your work, or work that belongs to somebody. When both husband and wife (or a gentleman and his fiance) plan together and work hard, it helps to define their relationship, and even promotes family unity and strengthens the marriage (or future marriage) bond. There will always be disagreements, quarrels, un-fulfillment, cheating, dishonesty, selfishness, injustice, scanty resources, lack of genuine love, insecurity, and weak marriage, family, or courtship bond, when one spouse or fiance is working hard while the other partner is lazy and greedy or an opportunist. The same situation will prevail when a parent, child, or other family member is diligently working to bring money to the home, but the other family member (parent, son, daughter, brother, sister, in-law, uncle, aunt etc.) is enjoying a life of laziness. Sometimes the lazy, wasteful, and aimless partner or family member covers his or her laziness with the impression of doing business, or doing consultancy, or engaging in ministry, and therefore spends a lot of time outside the house, travels, or accumulates phone bills at home, but never brings any income home, and rather drains away the family finances continuously. You must depend on God in the process of working hard, and draw your strength from the Almighty, but remember that Heaven expects you to plan properly and work hard before the blessings come down into your life and family. God gives His grace to the person who is humble, and prosperity would not also come to the lazy individual. You must make a firm commitment to be a trustworthy hard worker, and make a very firm determination to work diligently at any important task that is assigned to you, with an aim to obtain maximum productivity. Learn to finish projects and tasks that you undertake. If you do not finish, you will not obtain the full benefits. Spouses, children, and family members always suffer the greater part of the mess and the losses that result from a husband, wife, or family member who dies with unfinished agenda, or passes

away in a poor financial state because of lack of vision and diligence to finish properly what he or she begins. Fruit is only realized at the end of growth and development. You must resolve to work hard till you obtain the expected results for all projects and jobs that you undertake. No man or woman has ever drowned in his or her own sweat! Be encouraged to keep laboring. 4) Work with a positive attitude It must be clearly understood that anyone who neglects or refuses to work with a positive attitude should not expect any appreciable financial returns for his or her labor, and should rather expect financial constraints in his or her family life. It may interest you to know that the poverty of many people in the world today has to do with poverty in their minds. What I mean is that they refuse or neglect to use their talents and gifts productively in useful labor, and do not make profitable use of work and take proper advantage of financial opportunities that come their way. The opportunities of several individuals are limited by lack of wise, good, and godly imagination. The real enemy is in their minds. For many young people it even begins with lazy minds at school, where they fail to make profitable use of the educational as well as future professional and financial opportunities spread vividly before them. In my opinion there is nothing that hinders progress, productivity, and financial success more than a negative attitude towards work (plus education and planning) in general, which usually manifests itself in unreasonably delayed or half-hearted service, and is characterized by loss of golden chances to prosper and excel in life. Of course you will end up having no fruit or obtain half of the expected results if any at all! Lack of a positive attitude towards work produces laziness, unreasonable complaints about tools and benefits, discouragement, and misused or underutilized gifts. Morale becomes low, and support is dwindled or drowned in a spirit of negativity, lethargy and apathy. A positive attitude begins in your mind. Your mind communicates with the storehouse of your heart, which is the seat of your emotions. Once your mind refuses, neglects, hates, or downgrades anything, your heart responds accordingly (or vice versa) and dampens your zeal or completely wipes away all enthusiasm. If you have enough insight to understand the opportunities opened to you, and are regularly conscious that your family and the whole of society have a vital part in your success or failure, you would be motivated to take your work seriously and labor to obtain the expected financial and other benefits for all of us. 5) Avoid schemes to get rich quick Apart from the contradictions of moral laws and ethics of society, as well as the ultimate violation of Gods principles, any plans or attempts to obtain monetary gains by unorthodox, immoral, or inappropriate means cannot be accepted as genuine financial blessings. Greed, selfishness, pride, carnality, competitive jealousy, and laziness are primary roots of improper financial acquisition. Indulgence in any of these practices can also breed more of such negative tendencies in the perpetrators. Most often when we are in dire financial need, we are tempted to think that we can solve our financial problem by any means possible at a particular time, without taking time to exploit other honest and justifiable means that would bring us lasting satisfaction, true blessings, and Gods approval. Scripture tells us that it is God who gives us the power to get wealth (Deuteronomy 8: 18), and all of us know that the God we are referring to in this instance is a holy and righteous God who does not bless any man with money and resources through unrighteous channels. It is very easy for us to say: the end justifies the means, which

implies that all I want in the end is to get my money and property; how I get it does not really matter. Hmmm! But, is that right? And is your assertion true in any way? As a result of unwholesome financial pursuits, several marriages have been ended on the rocks, many promising relationships got shattered miserably, and great families finally splintered apart tragically. Some relationships and families even ended up in incalculable disgrace all because of the greed by a fiance, or a Daddy, Mommy, Brother, Sister, an Uncle, or an Auntie to grab money by inappropriate means. The same thing has happened to great businesses, institutions, organizations, ministries, churches, and even economies of governments and nations. It is very important for parents, elders, ministers, and counselors to dig deeper into the financial beliefs and position of any man and woman aspiring to marry, lead a group, or occupy an important position, in order to provide sound financial counsel. They must guide young men and women especially into avenues of wise spending and profitable investment. They must encourage them to make money by honest means, and help them to get out of debt (especially credit card debt, and money they have borrowed from someone for a long time but are not making any effort or plans to pay back). Couples must share all their financial resources together, and be absolutely open to each other about their financial matters, in order to be accountable to each other and prevent one from getting into any financial trouble that would drag everyone into the resulting mess and disgrace. The question of joint account by couples is another issue to be tackled in the future, but whatever the case, all the money that comes to the home must be openly declared and known by both partners in the relationship. Otherwise can they claim to have genuine love, open communication, and transparency as a strong unique bond between them? Why should each one tightly and secretly guard and hide his or her money and property, or one cheating the other by controlling the finances, while one works hard to bring income into the home but struggles and suffers so much before being allowed or being able to purchase basic needs? Why should one side of the family (in-laws of one side) benefit more from the finances of the couple, while the other in-laws are denied any financial and material assistance and blessings? The impersonal and selfish era in which we live, tempts us to become inhuman, un-loving, callous, and unkind. Unfortunately (and tragically) we are blinded by modern sophistication and degradation of traditional good values and deceived to think that we are rather very smart. Someone says; There is Pay Day someday (i.e. there are irreversible bitter consequences down the road). Apart from the happiness and contentment from satisfied needs, financial openness and honesty in the family is also very important for genuine acceptance of one another. It produces peace, love, and equitable sharing of resources. It enables the family to meet everyones need, and creates the opportunity to make plans together (especially as husband and wife), and to move forward progressively as a united family. Above all, financial openness and monetary gains through honest and godly means bring down blessings of God into the family and any group or friendship that would last for generations. Do you sometimes hear people saying that there is a curse in a particular family or on a particular person, and there is suffering or disaster plaguing someone or a particular home (or a business, organization, ministry, city, government etc.), because some money that was inherited was acquired by the predecessors through foul means? Think about that, and ponder carefully over your particular ways and means of financial and property accumulation as you go about your daily business in this world, and the kind of spirit you are entertaining behind your money and property and financial deals that others are going to inherit from you after your death. The fear of

God is the beginning of wisdom (including financial and material wisdom). Let us continue to work hard, and even strive to work harder. The rewards are priceless, incalculable, and satisfying. The sleep of a laboring man is sweet (Eccl. 5:12).
Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra, Ghana on Saturdays at 5:30 am 6:00 am (Ghana Time) or 1:30 am 2:00 am (US Eastern Time, October March) and listen to Dr. Kisseadoo's broadcast "Hope For Your Family". In Kumasi tune in to LUV 99.5 FM at 11:20 am 11:30 am Ghana Time Mon Wed. (7:20 am 7:30 am, US Eastern Time) for Dr. Kisseadoos Life Journal broadcast. Access both on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM, for JOY FM, or for LUV FM. Obtain more information from Dr. Kisseadoos books: "Differences Between Males and Females"; "Conflict Resolution and Agreement"; and "10 Keys for Success" from RedLeadBooks.com, or from Amazon.com. Contact Dr. Kisseadoo in the USA (7577289330) for copies of all of his 13 books or free counseling and prayer. Visit our website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com for varieties of resources. Copyright May 2010 Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, USA). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc. (Evangelistic & Teaching Ministry), 6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669, USA. Ph 7577289330 Fax 7577289335 Email: kisseadoo@msn.com

BUILDING, MENDING, AND SUSTAINING TRUST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP (Published Feb. 2010)
This is the third and final article that discusses Trust in all of our relationships, beginning from our homes, marriages, families, and romantic relationships, and extending to our colleagues, friends, and all sectors of our communities. Reconciliation, intimacy, and close fellowship always depend on forgiveness, respect, love, and trust. These are days when trust is in such jeopardy or short supply that you often have to examine several gifts and offers of people twice before you accept them. You are almost always tempted to suspect any generous show of affection or unexpected exhibition of appreciation, even from a close relative or a lover who might sometimes gives you cause to distrust him or her. No relationship exists without any form of conflicts from time to time, which can drastically affect the trust between the people in the relationships. The ability and manner of managing or resolving conflicts and building trust, is a primary sign of maturity or true spirituality of a person, and portrays the depth of his or her relationship with other people, or the magnitude of love for the particular person the one has conflicts with. The building, mending, or re-establishment of broken trust between the parties involved in any relationship becomes more difficult if the offence deeply hurts, and becomes a huge hurdle especially during the period immediately following the quarrel or disagreement. The offended party must learn to build trust for the offender, and the offender must trust that the one he or she offended has sincerely forgiven and released him or her from the chains of the offence, for them to continue loving each other and working together in peace to make progress.

The person wounded and disappointed will find it hard to trust the other person whom he or she finds as unfaithful. The other fellow who caused the hurt can also develop mistrust for the one he or she offended because of the fear of the disappointed companion not trusting him or her anymore. I dont trust you anymore. I wonder if I can ever trust you again. I cant believe or understand what happened. I never knew you could do that to me. How can I forget what you did? These are among the most common statements we hear in our homes, work places, churches, institutions, and other places when trust is broken between two people, especially between couples and lovers. It is also frequent among close friends, business partners, church leaders and their congregations, and among family members. Another familiar one is: As for me I dont trust anybody. When you hear this statement then it clearly indicates to you that the speaker has had a bad experience before or has heard about the unfortunate experiences of someone who innocently, reasonably, or foolishly gave his or her trust to someone and got the trust badly trampled upon, with subsequent damages. After dealing with offences and resolving all conflicts, the primary hurdle to overcome is the re-establishment of broken trust. We need to understand at least five very important characteristics of trust around which we can consequently concentrate our thoughts, mend broken trust, renew our trust for a beloved companion, and build deeper and more meaningful trust in our relationships. These five characteristics or fundamental principles are: 1) Trust Is A Process And Not Just An Instant Act Or Event Trust is the process that takes the act of forgiveness to completion, and enables us to establish true love and fellowship with any neighbor or companion. You CANNOT achieve it as a flight by night or in one sprint, no matter how gigantic your initial effort is. Without faith, patience, sincerity, and consistent works of righteousness towards the person you are dealing with, you will forever struggle to trust your husband, wife, child, in-law, relative, close associate, or friend. I must confess to you that it can take you the patience of a donkey as you try to die to yourself and sacrifice your comfort and rights or preferences to trust some untrustworthy people again. The road will be tough as you wait to get convinced that you can OPEN UP wholeheartedly AGAIN without getting wounded or disappointed. 2) Trust Has To Be Earned Over Time And Not Just Given In An Instant We are now a world full of impatient instant people, who want every result immediately, without the patience, sacrifices, and hard work of our forefathers. Technology has made us too artificial, and most of our relationship products are half-baked or very poorly baked due to the woeful lack of enduring godly substance, true family values, and precious social principles. Because trust is a process, it has to be patiently and diligently earned like a certificate and not simply given instantly and glibly to anyone. Although we can deliberately decide or try to trust people or entrust things to them, even that is still a process of attempting to help the distrusted (or doubtful) person to earn some trust in order for us to have a foundation to trust him or her more. For example, after a husband (or husband-to-be), for example, has painfully violated the trust of his wife (or fiancee) and gotten himself sexually involved with another lady, or exhibited gross financial dishonesty, suspicion is built up in the mind of the woman in addition to the excruciating hurt. Suspicion and disrespect are chief destroyers of trust. If I always think you are insincere or deceptive, or dont respect you as a person, or dont respect your abilities for required achievement in any area, I can never trust you. It could be the other way round (i.e. the woman flirting with another man, or lying about a specific amount of money, for the male partner to develop suspicion and mistrust). From then on there is the temptation to screen phone calls, spy on one another especially about ones movements and visits, eavesdrop on conversation, search for and scrutinize pictures and reading materials, secretly open up and read both incoming and outgoing letters with the skills of a detective, look for strange addresses and complimentary cards, steal passwords in order to scrutinize e-mails, examine under-wears and shirts for traces of sexual and romantic violations, question gifts and unexplained delays in getting home or lateness for appointments, and critically analyze attitudes and appearances (including how wrinkled or tainted a dress looks etc.). The partner goes further to fish for strange keys and other items in the briefcase or

handbag, tunes up his or her nose for special or unfamiliar smells, and in the worst cases the lady or gentleman seriously digs for sex accoutrements like condoms (the most common) and dirty or suggestive text messages, and critically examines bed-sheets as well. Some people hide serious infections and diseases or physical abnormalities from their mates, and others go as far as hiding children they have had with other ladies or gentlemen in the past until the mate finds out. Deep and sometimes irreparable mistrust results after the discovery. A suspicious parent will question all exits and incomings of his or her child into the house, will constantly and secretly search the room, drawers, and school bags of the child, and screen his or her phone calls and e-mails or text messages. A suspicious spouse or fiance will question every gift, visit, phone call, invitation, request, and move of an in-law or in-law-to-be that the lady or gentleman does not trust. A suspicious pastor, ministry leader, community leader, or boss will move heaven and earth to obstruct any chances of an appointment or inclusion on a committee for any member or employee that he or she does not trust. What are we trying to say here? We are implying that it becomes VERY DIFFICULT TO TRUST the husband, wife, child or person you live or associate with anymore, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week, especially when the one does not show signs of submission to authority or true repentance for wrongdoing, and lies to his or her teeth, or appears proud, sneaky, arrogant, and deceptive. But what do we usually hear being drummed into our ears? We hear: TRUST ME, TRUST ME; I SAY TRUST ME! being echoed from the offender all over the place. Well, we cannot simply trust you by giving you cheap trust which usually results from cheap forgiveness and blind or foolish acceptance. Pretentious forgiveness that does not address and deal with the root of issues will never build genuine trust. The fact of the matter is: we are not sure you will know the value of the precious trust offered you, give it its due respect, and fulfill your required part of the trust agreement and responsibilities, if you do not demonstrate a lifestyle of truth. As much as we should forgive and forget the past, and learn to trust people again, I have already emphasized that we should be cautious of offering cheap forgiveness to someone who is genuinely unrepentant. It may be appropriate under certain circumstances to limit your interactions with the one for a period, and allow him or her to develop true repentance and for you to redefine your relationship with the one. But prayerfully give such treatment to the one lovingly and wisely in order not to cause the person to become hardened or discouraged and devastated. The Apostle Paul exhorted that: If anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet do not count him as an enemy but admonish him as a brother (1 Thessalonians 3; 14, 15). AFTER CAUSING AN OFFENCE AND REPENTING, YOU WILL HAVE TO PROVE YOURSELF TRUSTWORTHY BY WHAT YOU DO (OR DONT DO) FROM THEN ON, IN ORDER TO EARN THE TRUST. YOU DONT NEED LONG SENTENCES, MANY HOURS OF SPECTACULAR ACHIEVEMENTS, OR MANY LETTERS OF CREDENCE TO BE TRUSTED, RECOGNIZED, AND VALUED, ONCE YOUR PRODUCT IS PROVED TO BE SUPERB BY THOSE WHO HAVE HAD LONG ASSOCIATION WITH YOU. 3) Trust Takes Time To Grow Trust is created and built in order to grow in size and strength with time, so as to meet the challenges in a relationship that demand deeper trust with changing seasons. This explains why trust cannot simply be an act, or handed over to a person instantaneously like a wrapped gift without the one earning it like a diploma. That is why it is also not wise to go the full length and presumptuously trust any Sue, Sally, and Mary, or any John Doe you meet down the road because of superficial dazzling impressions that you allow to mesmerize you too quickly. It further explains why you need to walk into love more often, rather than just falling into love blindly with anyone who claims to love and care for you. 4) Trust In Small As Well As Big Things If you do not learn to trust each other in small matters, you will find it difficult to trust one another in big or very important matters. If, for example, you are careful and sincere with small amounts of money or

property entrusted into your care, it becomes easier to trust you with large sums of money or expensive property. Spouses, partners, family members, brothers, sisters, and friends should not be careless and unwise about simple trust in small matters of daily life, and wake up suddenly to make frantic efforts to demonstrate trust in huge matters of importance. The primary reason is because faith, trust, holiness, and sin etc. are absolutes to God. No matter how small any unbelief, un-holiness, distrust, unfaithfulness, or sin appears to be (in our opinion), it is still unacceptable in the eyes of a holy God who demands complete obedience and trust in small as well as big matters. 5) Trust Begins With Humility And Trust In God Every form of trust in your relationships of the workplace, institution, courting or dating, marriage, and family life, ultimately hinges on your trust in God who gave you your body, soul, and spirit (allowed you to exist as a human being), and gave you your intelligence, talents, gifts, opportunities, spouse, children, family members, neighbors, and friends. If you lack the humility to submit to God and to people and work cooperatively with them, it will be very difficult to trust anyone. God also gave you your home to dwell in, where the genuineness of your trust is ultimately tested. You take that refined trust from your home to the outside world and impact the lives of people. Your home and family life come first. You cannot claim to be trustworthy in church, company, business, institution, organization, or community when the people close to you in your home or marriage do not see that spirit of trustworthiness, but rather sense and see you as a person that cannot be trusted. Be constantly aware of the fact that God works in the life of every human being, either to convert the unbeliever, bring the backslidden back to Himself, or use the committed child of God to his glory. Therefore, learn to think and act with a spirit that decides to go past the weaknesses of the human being you are dealing with by looking to the Lord as the one you are really living for in that relationship. This will enable you to trust in God and do His will by focusing on being an agent of salvation, deliverance, provision, and blessing for family members and people you deal with, rather than focusing only on yourself, or focusing on human beings and peoples weaknesses. You then end up thinking, acting, feeling, and behaving in the flesh with little or no ability to build any trust at all in your relationships, especially when it is taking a long time (in your estimation) for people to do the right thing and make themselves trustworthy. Words and deeds (actions), fashioned into their right shapes and sizes by the right attitude and timing, are the bricks used to build trust. The mortar is a mixture of love (the cement) well mingled with forgiveness (the sand), reinforced by iron bars (prayer and practical application or obedience to Gods word), for the building of the mansion (Gods Kingdom). Above all, praying for any companion and constantly interceding on his or her behalf, will give you enough grace and power from God to love the unlovable, and trust the untrustworthy one. Please dont stop trying. Push hard and press on tirelessly! Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra, Ghana on Saturdays at 5:30 am 6:00 am (Ghana Time) or 12:30 am 1:00 am (US Eastern Time, October - March) and listen to Dr. Kisseadoo's broadcast "Hope For Your Family". In Kumasi tune in to LUV 99.5 FM at 11:20 am 11:30 am Ghana Time (6:20 am 6:30 am, US Eastern Time) Monday - Friday mornings and listen to words of life and wisdom from Dr. Kisseadoo. Access both on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM, and click on Live Radio for JOY, or for LUV FM. Obtain more information from Dr. Kisseadoos books: "Differences Between Males and Females"; "Conflict Resolution and Agreement"; and "10 Keys for Success" by searching online with: RedLeadBooks.com, using his name Samuel Kisseadoo.", or from Amazon.com. Contact Dr. Kisseadoo in the USA (757-7289330) for copies of all of his 13 books or free counseling and prayer. In Ghana, obtain them at Challenge Bookstore, Legon Bookstore in Accra, and other bookstores or from Fruitful Ministries (233-20-8209567 or 233-276-322982). Visit our website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com for essentials that will enrich your relationships and ministry. You can press Ctrl, hold, and click on it right now. For free counseling, prayer, seminars, and contacts in Ghana, call 233-20-8126533 or 233-276-322982 in Accra, or 233-244-786658 or 233-275353802 in Kumasi. Attend free family life seminars for the public every 2nd Saturday of the month in Accra, 10am-12pm, or every other Sunday 4pm-6pm in Kumasi.

Copyright March. 2010 Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, USA). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc. (Evangelistic & Teaching Ministry), 6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669, USA. Ph 757-7289330 Fax 757-7289335 E-mail: kisseadoo@msn.com

DEVELOPING TRUST FOR ONE ANOTHER: PART II (Published Dec. 09)


In my first article on Trust (Joy Online, posted 6TH Dec. 09), we explored the basis and benefits of trust, and outlined some of the fundamental causes for mistrust among us. I would like us to continue with other important components of the virtue of trust. In previous discussions, the focus was somehow skewed towards marriage, family life, and intimate relationships, but the principles do cover all aspects of our interactions. Distrust and mistrust (with accompanied dishonesty and insincerity) exist in every corner of our communities --- corporations, businesses, churches, evangelistic and mission groups, organizations, committees, boards, markets, stores, farms, law courts, hospitals, clinics, schools, banks, political set-ups, associations, NGOs, and different workplaces. The fact is that when discipline, honesty, transparency, and trust are built in our marriages, homes, and family affairs, we carry that character and spirit outside to relate with everyone else, and conduct all of our affairs in ways that promote trust. Charity will always begin at home, and families will always be the foundation of a nation. Nine out of ten, when people entrusted with money embezzle the funds and mismanage the finances, or steal resources from places, they ultimately carry the stolen money and goods to their homes and family members. In fact, several politicians, heads of institutions or corporations, pastors of churches, evangelists, treasurers and financial secretaries of organizations, business associates etc. who display distrust by lying about the finances entrusted to them, do so primarily because of the desire to favor and impress a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, child, in-law, close friend, or other family member in one way or another. The lack of trust centers around the lies we tell or half-truths we put forth regarding other common factors such as lateness to work or to an important meeting, poor preparation or lack of readiness for an assignment, neglect of responsibilities, apathetic attitude, laziness in performing a duty, competition and envy or jealousy etc. Sometimes we habitually lie and cheat for so long that we become immune to the shame and destructive effects of our acts and behavior on others, and care less about trust. In some instances we are deeply driven by the burning desire to satisfy our selfish ambitions, and do not care to scheme and invent every available trick in the book to deceive and outwit the people we are dealing with. That is when people can go to the extent of forging and manipulating names, certificates, permits, exam grades, passports, visas, immigration documents, figures for salaries or purchases, and amounts for reimbursements, or plagiarizing essays and assignments for presentation etc. Politicians and others running for office, or men and women who are bent on marrying a particular person for selfish gains can lie to their teeth with fake promises and incredibly impressive demonstrations.

As I mentioned before, the fear of God is a basic cure for all these problems of lies, dishonesty, and mistrust. If you know God, fear the Lord, and believe that He is keenly watching and recording all that you think, say, and do, and will call you to stand before Him one day to give an account to God Himself after death, then you will practice an awareness of Gods Holy Presence everywhere, and do your best to live honestly and be trusted, and quickly repent when you happen to falter and exhibit insincerity at anytime. Respectable people trained in matters of trust, and who have even vowed to be honest leaders or professionals (e.g. medical doctors, nurses, accountants, lawyers, engineers, professors, political leaders, CEOs of corporations, board members, heads of institutions, ministry leaders and pastors etc.), finally betray the trust reposed in them to the shock of everyone. It is sad to mention that many religious devotees, ardent church attendants, and especially some church leaders and men or women of God, can profess God so loudly with their lips and even demonstrate Gods anointing upon their lives with signs and wonders or torrential preaching of the truth, but do not show by their practical lives (especially in private) that Jesus is Lord over their lives, and that they really understand God and genuinely fear (reverence) Him. It is time for us to work hard on ourselves, and openly discuss the important aspects of the great virtue of trust, and encourage ourselves to build and establish trust in our societies.

No One Can Trust Someone For You


No matter the teaching, training, counseling, and prayers you receive from people, no one can trust your lover, fiance, spouse, parent, family member, colleague, neighbor, partner, or friend for you. It is similar to faith and salvation, or feeding and medication, where no one can believe and become saved for you, or eat your food and swallow your medicine for you. No one, for example, can love and be happy or patient for you; you need to do that yourself. Faith, hope, love, feeding, growth, health, maturity, happiness, joy, self-control, and trust are personal matters. You can take inspiration from me, and I could influence you with my loving and joyful or enthusiastic attitude, or influence you with my character of trust, but you need to do things right, and gain good things for yourself. Although people can ask others to be with you or help you to do things, give you something to support you (food, medicine, accommodation etc.), or can offer you recommendations to choose people and things that will benefit you, no one can actually assimilate and trust anyone or anything for you. You have to learn to develop your own trust and confidence in life. You can work with someone or use something and gain satisfying benefits, but you could still do so with constant fear and doubts, no matter the circumstances, unless you make a firm decision to operate in the realm of faith and trust. If after conducting all the necessary tests and analysis you become convinced that someones recommendation is good, and a particular person is the best answer for your partnership in a particular situation, then you need to open your mind and heart to the one and create some trust to the required degree in order to continue to derive all the expected benefits.

Love, Faith, Agreement, And Trust Go Together


There is no way that you can build trust between the two of you as friends at school, on the job, in partnership for a project or any activity, in ministry, as lovers, in marriage, in a family, or at home with a close person, if you do not develop sincere love in your hearts that looks out for the interests, welfare, rights, and needs of each other. You cannot also sincerely love someone without believing in the person. Neither can you agree with anyone to walk and work together in harmony, without trusting that you will always be faithful to each other and maintain the bond of unity and fundamental principles that hold the relationship together. It does not mean you will walk in uniformity, but you make the necessary compromises for unity in the midst of your differences to arrive on a common ground where you strike mutual agreement for important things that matter most, and work together harmoniously.

CATEGORIES OR KINDS OF TRUST

In my opinion there are variations or kinds of trust, as well as a basis for any kind of trust, depending on the kind of person being trusted, what is involved in the trusting process, and the circumstances surrounding whom and what you are trusting. In other words there should be a reasonable, genuine, and solid basis for trusting, which determines the kind or extent of the trust you exercise, and fits into a particular category of trust. I have tried to categorize different types and variations of trust in my own way in order to explain my point. I encourage you to use them in discussions, or analyze, and improve upon them for your personal application if necessary. If you use this in any publication or presentation, please be kind and responsible enough to acknowledge the source. I will be glad to get comments from you as well. The categories are: A)

A) Fake Trust
Fake trust is trust that is not real, or is false. Sometimes it is even nonexistent because it faked and demonstrated by someone acting in pretence for a selfish benefit. All forms of insincere, false, and deceptive exhibition of trust come under this category. You need wisdom and great insight to spot fake trust from afar and nib it in the bud very quickly before you blindly embrace it and ultimately allow it to subtly sweep you away with its destructive underneath strong currents. Fake trust has misled people into destructive habits, rape, unplanned pregnancy, unexpected fornication or adultery, heavy financial losses, crumbling of businesses and companies, destruction of marriages and families, derailment of romantic relationships or courtships with attendant emotional trauma, devastation of churches and ministries, destruction of governments and nations, and even death. Fake trust is common, for example, in situations where a person (opportunist) merely wants to gain carnal and romantic benefits from someone and therefore does so in the name of assistance, love, or marriage. The individual therefore pretends that he or she trusts you, and tries to convince you that the one could be trusted as well. People who want monetary or material benefits from you, desire to obtain jobs or appointments and important positions, or crave for promotions plus recognitions from you, can also fake tremendous amounts of trust, and pile truckloads of fake loyalty on you, while they sugarcoat their flattery words with palatability exceeding 10 times the sweetness of sugar, in order for you to repose your precious trust in them.

B) Conditional Trust
Conditional trust is dependent on circumstances or prevailing conditions, and is in twofold: 1) Familiarity Conditional Trust: this is based on special or specific conditions or situations that weigh heavily on the sense of group identity, such as tribe, race, language, school, family relations, family friendships etc. Sometimes the basis is that the people belong to the same entity such as club, organization, association, company, profession, sorority, fraternity, church, evangelistic group, religion, cult, political affiliation, or hierarchy. The knowledge that someone is your schoolmate or classmate, or attended the same institution you attended before, can invoke a spirit of trust in you to some degree. The sense of trust tends to build when you learn that the person you are dealing with belongs to the same country, tribe, or hometown as you do, and especially if he or she speaks your language. Any further revelation of a friendship or relation with any close family member or friend is an extra icing on the trust cake. 2) Satisfaction Conditional Trust: this is conditional trust that is dependent upon the extent to which you are satisfied or pleased with the services offered by the person you are trusting. Such trust is very vacillating, yoo-yoo, sea-saw (up-and-down), inconsistent, and non-enduring because one unfavorable word, action, or attitude can demolish the trust, which picks up again when you get what you want the next day. This kind of conditional trust is common with people who are very selfish and self-seeking, do not fully commit themselves to the people and duties expected in a relationship, or have immature and unstable minds and hearts, as well as those who lack the understanding and dynamics of real life

relationships. Generally, conditional trust is very common in many marriages, homes, and in-law relationships, but is also common in several workplaces, friendships, and organizations, and even prevalent in churches. Conditional trust is deceptively fragile, and if the people involved do not realize and deal with the roots of un-commitment and lack of sacrificial love early in the relationship, the whole marriage, courtship, in-law relation, friendship, business partnership, project, fellowship, ministry, club, or association will ultimately crash and crumble tragically on the persons involved somewhere down the road.

C) Common, Normal, or Involuntary (Automatic) Trust


This is trust you normally or automatically exercise without any pause to consider the outcome, because it is virtually part of human life. For example a mother gives breast milk or feeds a baby and automatically trusts that once the nutritious food has entered the childs system, it would produce growth and strength. A driver begins to press on the accelerator once the engine of a vehicle responds favorably to ignition, trusting that the vehicle is going to carry him or her forward without any doubt. Under normal conditions a sleepy person lies in bed at night and fully trusts that he or she is going to sleep soundly and wake up the next morning. Unless other factors come in suddenly or unknowingly to interfere with these normal life processes, and become hindrances or problems that need to be dealt with, we do not have the slightest problem with exercising absolute, automatic trust for such situations. When a husband, wife, family member, fiance, colleague, business partner, or friend does not exhibit automatic trust that every other person should portray, to your expectation, it then becomes a problem in the relationship. You see such a skeptical person as someone who cannot even exercise simple trust of a child, and believe in relating to you even under the best of all circumstances. Such a person would doubt almost everything you say and do. Even when you serve him or her food or water, the one would not trust you enough to regard it as wholesome. Every conversation with someone else could trigger the suspicion in the one that there is some form of gossip about him or her in at least one or two sentences from your lips. The one would easily suspect that you are cheating on him or her by flirting with any person you get close to. The person never believes any explanation for any mistake you make or deviation from routine (e.g. coming home a little late than usual, absence from work, not providing money, or not returning a phone call). Such a problem of chronic mistrust commonly results from wounds and scars of very bad experiences of the past that the one needs to be healed of. In some cases wrong teaching or transference of wrong instruction that is deeply planted in the mind and spirit by a parent, guardian, or mentor succeeds in creating a very suspicious mindset in the person. The situation could sometimes be satanic as well, in which case the person needs deliverance from a doubtful and suspicious spirit operating on the mind.

D) Regular Tested Trust


This is trust that all of us exercise for someone or something, after several, long term interactions or usage under the same or very similar circumstances. For example all of us respond to adverts on television, on the radio, or by the wayside, and test the products of companies or peoples services, before we finally put our trust in goods of the company or persons that satisfy our needs. This is the basis for interviews, exams, and probationary measures that are put in place before employers or leaders assign full duties to people they are not originally familiar with or do not know very well. God warns us to test Christians before making them leaders. It is important for each single person to exercise the necessary steps involved in regular tested trust needed for any intimate relationship, before committing oneself into any serious dating, courtship, or marriage relationship. Sharing secrets, and entering into close friendships, intimate relationships, or close business partnerships without any insight and wisdom that first examine all factors carefully and tests the waters, is the equivalence of first class foolishness. God even commands us to test prophecies (with Biblical knowledge) before accepting them, in order not to act upon false instructions from someone who assumes an air of spirituality and tells us Thus says the Lord when God has not spoken. It always pays off to ask all necessary questions to clear all doubts before you give any trust and plunge wholeheartedly into any association or relationship with yourself and your precious resources.

E) Exclusive Tested Trust


This is trust that is peculiar or exclusive to you alone, or particular for you and your spouse, family member, close friend, long standing partner, or special trust among a group of people. It results from long term conscious and unconscious testing of someone or something under special circumstances in addition to all regular situations that are common to relationships. In my opinion, courtship and marriage relationships, as well as serous ministerial and business partnerships come under this category. After careful examination I realize that all the other kinds or categories of trust I have enumerated come into play as preliminary stages before an Exclusive Tested Trust becomes finally established. Exclusive Tested Trust mostly results from appropriate Regular Tested Trust. For example a wife or husband is selectively chosen to bond permanently with you under your own specially considered circumstances, which becomes a trust that is exclusively tested, developed, and accepted by both of you. No one else share the special trust between the two of you, no matter the kind of trust that in-laws or friends have in each of you. In my opinion, it is this kind of trust that should define the extent and depth of the love, quality, fellowship, and success of any marriage, family life, friendship, church, association, business relationship, and stewardship. Exclusive trust cannot be achieved without fear of God, wisdom, sincerity, sacrifice, selflessness, and sincere love.

To establish Exclusive Trust, you will need to do the following: Sacrifice


You must learn to sacrifice time, effort, money, resources, and love to build such trust (on both sides). No real trust is ever cheap; this is because genuine trust is earned and not just given. Nothing on earth that is truly earned will climb up to the hilltop without effort. If your partner is finding it hard to trust you again after a disappointing behavior or an act of unfaithfulness, then consistently and persistently demonstrate genuine acts of trustworthiness in a convincing manner until trust is re-established.

Deal With Weaknesses


You will have to acknowledge and deal with your own human weaknesses as well as the faults and failings of the other person or persons you are relating to, before you can establish trust between the two of you. If you want people to change, then focus on changing first in order to be a shining example, and be able to also see things clearly enough and be able to deal with them effectively. If you do not remove the huge log in your eye, then you will have very poor vision, which will cause you to mistakenly gouge out the entire eye of your friend when you are trying to remove the small piece of stick in his or her eye. You rather end up making the person blind, in your attempt to deal with issues and establish trust with the individual.

Consider Circumstances
You will need to take special circumstances, problems, and peculiarities of the other person or people into careful consideration, especially the mind of the person you wish to trust. For example: children (immature mind); someone with a very weak will and weak spirit (nave and easily deceived mind); very old person (reduced mental faculty and weak physical abilities producing less sharpness of mind); troubled or traumatized person (worried and confused mind), illiterate or poorly educated person (ignorant mind), spiritually possessed or oppressed person or someone dabbling in the occult and witchcraft (satanic controlled mind); unsaved or backslidden person, or someone living in sin (ungodly mind); someone with intentions of revenge for an offence or with malice in his or her heart to do you harm (wicked or evil mind) etc.

The devil and malicious carnal minds, in collaboration with normal corrupt human spirits, can influence all these categories of minds to think, act, and behave in disappointing and undesirable ways that make it difficult or sometimes almost impossible to trust the person you are working hard to build trust between you and him or her.

Persevere Till The End


You must determine to endure any hardships and disappointments as you build trust, especially in people who are difficult to live with or hard to relate to. It even becomes tougher when they show no signs of true repentance after they commit offences, and demonstrate no desire to change their bad habits. But, you must determine to persevere until you achieve your ultimate results and reach your goal of building genuine, enduring trust that would promote lasting friendship, fruitfulness, and contentment in your relationship.

Work With People


No one has ever succeeded in establishing of trust in the best relationship with another person without obtaining some form of good advice or essential information from someone else. This is where premarital and post-marital counseling become necessary for a couple to build trust in their marriage. Appropriate conduction of interviews, adequate briefing, proper instructions, important seminars, refresher courses, mentoring techniques and procedures, consultancy, and other forms of information dissemination are essential for the provision of enough knowledge that facilitates the building of trust and confidence. Usually experienced professionals, veteran educators, older employers or employees, politicians and leaders with years of experience, parents, adult family members, special mentors in different fields, pastors, church leaders, and family elders with experience, can be of immense help in guidance and counseling for educational, career, marriage, and family life pursuits. If such counselors and advisors are also wise, spiritual, principled, loving, and godly in character, they can be of tremendous help in advising and assisting you in an all-round handling of someone you closely relate to, especially your husband, wife, in-laws, children, boss, employees, business partner, close friends or associates, colleagues, group members, or congregation. Leaders who rule and handle whole communities, cities, and nations would need expert counsel and opinions of concerned and experienced citizens in order to effectively execute their expected duties. Anyone who has had long association with someone that has similar characteristics as the one you are dealing with can offer you good counseling and guidance. It does not mean you should simply follow everything people suggest to you, but learn to apply the acceptable portions of the knowledge alongside your own convictions in order to gradually build trust in your relationship. If there are very intimate and personal issues involved, then be extra careful how you let these sensitive matters get out to other people. The trustworthy people you consult can also support you in prayer. IF A
CONFLICT OF ANY KIND HAS OCCURRED BETWEEN YOU AND THE ONE YOU ARE TRYING TO TRUST, THEN I CAUTION YOU TO BE VERY CAREFUL NEVER TO BRING ANYONE INTO THE PICTURE WHO IS NEITHER PART OF THE PROBLEM NOR PART OF THE SOLUTION!

Work With The Lord


If you believe that God created us, then the best approach to overcoming the hurdles of life or making the best decisions and choices is to allow God to be in charge of your life and all of your affairs. This is not imprisonment to restrict the free expression of your desires, or undue control of your activities, but it is rather a doorway to true freedom, guidance towards genuine success, joy in the midst of trouble, provision of security, and establishment of lasting peace of mind. In my own experience which I wish to recommend to you, I will advise you to: open your heart to the Lord, study your Bible, meditate on Gods word at the beginning of each day, and learn to use scripture to control your thoughts, actions, and

emotions during the day. Use the scriptures as basis to engage in fervent prayer for yourself and other family members, friends, or persons you are dealing with. Study the Bible and pray jointly as husband and wife, between you and your family member, fiance, or friend etc., in addition to your own personal meditation and prayers. Jesus said: Without Me, you can do nothing (St. John 15: 5). This is my argument: trust is a matter of the mind and heart, and you must admit that you do not even fully know your own mind and heart very well in order to have any power to manage and control your inner-most being. How, then, can you have any power or authority and skill to work and change someones heart and mind for him or her to become trustworthy, or produce any real sense of trust within you when you are struggling with your own doubts and weaknesses each day? Let us put in effort and allow more trust to build up in our relationships this year. Do not refuse to care for the needs or feelings of others you relate to, simply because you focus on what you can get to satisfy your selfish desires and ambitions. If you become inconsiderate and only look out for your own interests, then once that goal is achieved, you dont care what anyone thinks or feels about you, and you dont care what they think or feel about you either. That is a very bad way to think and live in a progressive world. We must embark on a crusade that advocates for changes and provisions that establish real trust among us, in order for our homes, marriages, dating, courtship, romantic affairs, family relations, workplaces, institutions, committee activities, projects, churches, evangelistic activities, government, and all other associations to become meaningful, progressive, sweeter, more fruitful, extra enjoyable, very delightful, and more satisfying in 2010. TO BE CONTINUED
Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra on Saturdays at 5:30 am 6:00 am (Ghana Time) or 12:30 am 1:00 am (US Eastern Time, October - March) and listen to Dr. Kisseadoo's broadcast "Hope For Your Family". Access on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM, and click on Live Radio. Obtain more information from Dr. Kisseadoos books: "Differences Between Males and Females"; "Conflict Resolution and Agreement"; and "10 Keys for Success" published by Red Lead Press, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Search online with: RedLeadBooks.com, using his name Samuel Kisseadoo." Get the 3 books also from Amazon.com. Contact Dr. Kisseadoo in the USA (7577289330) for copies of all of his 13 books or free counseling and prayer. In Ghana, obtain them at Challenge Bookstore, Legon Bookstore, and other bookstores or from Fruitful Ministries (233-20-8126533 or 233-276322982). Visit our website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com for essentials that will enrich your relationships and ministry. You can press Ctrl, hold, and click on it right now. For free counseling, prayer, seminars, and contacts in Ghana, call 233-20-8126533 or 233-276-322982 in Accra, or 233-244-786658 or 233-275-353802 in Kumasi. Attend free family life seminars for the public every 2nd Saturday of the month in Accra, 10am-12pm, or every other Sunday 4pm-6pm in Kumasi. Copyright Jan. 2010 Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, USA). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc.(Evangelistic & Teaching Ministry), 6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669, USA. Ph 757-7289330 Fax 757-7289335 E-mail: kisseadoo@msn.com

DEVELOPING GENUINE TRUST FOR ONE ANOTHER --PART I (Published Dec. 09)

In addition to powerful words such as love, faith, and hope that top the list of the greatest and most gracious words that stir up encouragement, acceptance, juicy emotions, and positive desires of mankind, one of the most popular words in our daily communication and transactions is the word trust. Who does not want to be trusted? No one! When you speak and add the phrase trust me in an emphatic way, or look into the eyes of someone looking for assurance from you and then say it to him or her, or whisper it softly into the ears of your lover alongside a promise, then it becomes a sealed deal. When serious matters are at stake, you get hurt and could even become devastated when a beloved one doubts your integrity. Under such circumstances you are most likely to swing into a disappointed mode with an exclamation dont you trust me!? The worst thing that could happen in any marriage or romantic relationship is when the partners do not trust each other. If one partner feels offended, or becomes suspicious in any kind of relationship or association and does not trust the other partner, it creates insecurity for the other partner under scrutiny, and it becomes very difficult for him or her to trust the other skeptical partner as well. If you go into homes, businesses, work places, institutions, churches, and the streets of the world, and conduct a survey to determine the root causes of dissatisfaction, disagreements, doubts, and lack of support for people, you are likely to find that on top of the list of complaints about a fiancee, spouse, parent, child, in-law, friend, colleague, family member, community leader, chief, politician, boss, employee, business partner, teacher, student, pastor, leader in a church, ministry partner etc. will be the statement I do not trust him (or her). Each one of us craves to be trusted, including even the criminal on trial. STOP LOOKING AROUND TO GRAB SOME TRUST --- STRIVE TO EARN YOUR OWN TRUST I would like us to engage in important discussions centered on Trust. The first point I wish to drive home is that trust is earned like a certificate --- we do not simply give you trust like food on a platter or ice cream from a fridge. You earn trust only by your lifestyle and the character you portray to the one whose trust you are yearning for. I could try to give you some amount of trust to begin with, but will find it very difficult to continue doing so if you exhibit a pattern of insincerity, dishonesty, wastefulness, callousness, apathy, mixed with unloving and uncaring double-tongued way of life. It will be an uphill task for me to trust you if you cannot keep important secrets of mine (or ours) to yourself, become cynical and sarcastic about serious matters, and throw demeaning or senseless ridicules at me. All of us will admit that trust is a primary foundation for all meaningful and productive relationships, as well as business, institutional, and organizational establishments. Without trust we cannot break through our differences and unite as one people to achieve anything important. Present world circumstances have promoted much distrust in our societies, especially matters pertaining to marriage, romantic relationships, in-law relations, business, money, property, ministry, and positions of authority. Many of us are scared of being pushed over the cliff if we trustingly come too close to some people who are close to us. I conclude from the many questions I receive, and counseling that I engage in, that many spouses and lovers are hopelessly devastated by their partners whom they cannot trust. Sometimes there is not even a tiny chunk of any wisdom or trust block that one can chew on in order to make sense out of what is going on ---- wanton infidelity, addiction to pornography and harlotry rather than bonding lovingly to the wonderful spouse in the home, financial dishonesty and recklessness, abuses, outrageously un-loving and lazy attitude especially at home, gross apathy, mummy-like unromantic lifestyle, constantly finding fault with everything you say and do, and worst of all the crafty and dishonest monkey tricks to get away with wrongdoing, when the other partner is doing his or her best to make things work in the relationship. Some people make you feel as if they are constantly setting traps, and you are the mouse they intend to catch!

Too many people have exhibited dishonesty and unfaithfulness in the essential aspects of life, and caused many of us to become too careful and very skeptical about our neighbors. We make sweet promises to people that we finally do not keep ---- our word cannot be trusted ---- we lack integrity. Many of us cannot trust friends and partners who betray us, and who cannot be confided in to keep someones secrets really secret. It is especially devastating when they give you lofty promises and cause you to repose much trust in them and share the deep precious contents of your hearts, believing that they are really on your side, will genuinely look out for you, and are dependable, but turn around to stab you in the back. We are living in an era when people have witnessed so much corruption in high places to the point where nobody, for example, seems to trust any politician anymore. Of course we are not to foolishly swallow every seemingly juicy fruit or embrace any glittering toy given to us by anyone without careful examination; we need to exercise wisdom and insight. However, if we get to the point where we live in suspicion all the time and cannot trust anybody, then we have a serious problem on hand that we need to address the issue by finding the root of the problem and deal with it effectively. It is sad when you hear people firmly proclaiming: As for me I dont trust anybody. But, making that statement your anthem and motto, do you want anyone to trust you? We find it difficult to trust people in important areas of life because of the escalated lack of integrity in our era. So, why not decide to work on yourself and become an example to all of us as someone that we can trust, in order for us to emulate your shining example and become trustworthy? OUR TIMES ARE DISTRUSTINGLY ROUGH! INTEGRITY AND FAITHFULNESS ARE RARE ON THE RELATIONSHIP MARKET! The problem hits us really hard when we cannot trust someone that we have to work closely with, and cannot easily get rid of (or isolate ourselves from) in a close relationship (such as a marriage partner, teacher in the classroom, business associate that we have joint investment with, a fiance in whom we have invested heavily, fellow members on the board of a church or organization, a tenant or landlord, a fellow elected into public office, someone we have sold property to etc.). Just imagine a prominent politician who divorced his wife and the wife later found out that the husband had written somewhere in a draft of a book he was writing that he married his wife for political gains. Another dear sister had a nice wedding with another beloved Christian brother in a good church, and a few years later realized the man did not want to make love to her anymore and left her alone in the bedroom to sleep in the living room, and got the stunning confession from him that he was a homosexual even before they married, and had been attending homosexual meetings all along, and would want to rather become committed to that old lifestyle. Then why did he marry her? Was it a plan to make her life miserable? How can she ever trust any man again? Moral decay, materialism, competition, selfishness, unwillingness to work hard for ultimate results, and lack of commitment to duty or peoples welfare, have all become powerful negative tools that promote distrust in our societies. In summary, I believe that the lack of a God-fearing spirit, based on obedience to Gods word, imbibitions of false doctrines, involvement in occult practices that promote satanic activities and other evils, greed, and the desire to operate with untruthful principles, are taking their devastating toll on mankind today. These maladies and infections are promoting the breeding grounds for deceitful words, actions, attitudes, and motives that are eroding trust in our generation.

TRUST IS DETERMINED BY YOUR STATE OF MIND AND HEART, FAITH, AND LOVE
Since marriage, home, and family life form the foundation of society, we can focus our discussion on trust with our spotlight on matters of close relationships, involving love, romance, home, and family life. No marriage, family life, home, or close relationship can be classified as fruitful and successful

if the people involved in the relationship do not trust each other. Love is the key factor for the establishment of any successful marriage, productive family life, joyful home, warm fellowship, and satisfying friendship, where trust must also be an indispensable ingredient. Love is therefore the key factor for the establishment of trust in any form of relationship. That is why Jesus commanded us to: love one another (as the basis of our relationships) as I (Jesus) have loved you (St. John 13: 34). Under no circumstances can two or more people live, work, or fellowship together without trusting each other. Lack of trust implies doubt and uncertainty about the integrity and suitability of the person or persons you are dealing with, which implies that you have no faith in your interactions. Under such circumstances, there is no way you can give all of yourself to the person and to the relationship and build true loyalty for a successful relationship. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths (Proverbs 3:5, 6). Scripture makes it clear that trust must begin and develop in the heart (center of your soul). This will depend on your state of mind (understanding), and will be further demonstrated by the extent to which you depend on God and consult Him for wisdom and direction in all that you plan and do (your ways and paths). If we do not learn to trust God with our hearts and minds, then we cannot sincerely and consistently trust our fellow human beings. Couples and family members who do not trust God would not also experience any appreciable measure of genuine trust in their marriages, parent-child relationships, inlaw relations, and general family life. They would not be able to easily forgive offences and get past them to develop good relationships with people. Little offences would always throw them off balance and quickly break any trust they have for their partners and family members, or friends. In Proverbs chapter 31 where the virtuous (ideal) wife is defined and described for us, her characteristics begin with trust in the heart of her husband for her as a trusted and helpful wife of integrity. Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her (Proverbs 31: 10, 11). The woman must talk, act, and behave in a way that would cause the heart of her husband to trust her. The husband should know that he is the Head of the woman and the family, and must set the pace with his good example of a lifestyle that would encourage the wife and rest of the family to emulate his good example of trustworthiness. It is the person (wife) that you trust, and not just things the person (wife) does, although the persons acts, behavior, and possessions will promote the trust. Your trust should not be conditional all the time ---- when you do what please me at a particular time, then I trust you. Well, remember that we are all human, and can make unintentional mistakes from time to time, which should not necessarily determine the trust we fundamentally have for one another, if we are already convinced about each others real character. What we actually need to do is to take time to know each other, understand one another, love each other sincerely, and work together in such a way that if you have sincerely developed trust for me, then one mistake or offence on my part should not instantly erode all of your trust for me, no matter the good things I do after my mistake, and no matter the extent of my repentance. Some people fake loyalty, but you should take pains to know me enough and decide if I am real or fake, before you go very far with me, so that you can trust me enough for us to live and work together peacefully and happily in the midst of our human weaknesses and failures. If a woman earns the trust of her husband in his heart (seat of emotions and center of his soul), abundant love is triggered and nourished to flow freely from his heart to his wife. Women were naturally wired by God to respond favorably to the initial love of men. I can assure you that at least 95% of the time, if a man genuinely and practically loves and trusts a woman, he will receive love and trust in return from that woman. I know that some men are saying: Wait a minute! You

should have been her to see the kind of impossible woman I have in my life! Well, no matter what spouse you have, remember it is Christmas time, and the last words of the Angel Gabriel to Mary (Mother of Jesus) was: With God NOTHING shall be impossible (Luke 1: 37). So trust God, and continue to work on yourself, as you consistently love and work on your spouse. When the wife responds properly to her husbands unconditional love and trust, unprecedented security is created in the relationship, and both of them feel very safe in each others arms and company. I believe that this is the foundation as well as the beginning of any genuine husband-wife relationship that has true love and meaning. This sets the tone for love and leadership in the family, when Daddy sincerely trusts Mommy in his heart, and enables Mommy to trust Daddy also in her heart. The reciprocal (two-way) trust enables both of them to allow each other the freedom to develop their gifts and talents to their full potential, grow into each other in deeper love and trust, strengthen the marriage bond, and transfer the spirit and values to the children and rest of the family. It then becomes difficult for anyone to come between them to interfere with their relationship. This is the only way to promote fruitfulness and success of any marriage and family life, and for every other human relationship to flourish as well. Faith also plays a huge role in the development of trust. If you do not believe in me and accept me faithfully as I am, and have confidence in my abilities, then you can never trust me. You will constantly exercise doubts and misgivings about my capabilities to accomplish anything good, or work and bring any job to successful completion. Your thoughts determine what is finally conceived and felt in the heart. To become virtuous, ideal, or a trustworthy companion, you should therefore: 1) Work diligently on your mind in order to sow good and godly thoughts into your mind, especially about the person you need to trust. 2) Allow your heart to trust the one you are relating to, and discipline your heart to maintain the sincerity of the trust. 3) Make a conscious effort to remember the needs and interests of your mate or friend, and determine to freely share your mind and heart in heart-to-heart conversation with the person you have decided to join your life to. 4) Avoid any future thoughts or acts of distrust that would hinder complete unity, agreement, and trust in your marriage or relationship. When someone closes the heart and does not open up to you, hides his or her true feelings and thoughts from you, lives a life of secrecy or insincerity, and exhibits a life of selfishness and selfcenteredness, it becomes extremely difficult to trust, relate to, or marry such a person. We need to know that every heart has a door, which you can open or close. Your mind is the key to open your heart. You have to intentionally decide to allow your good and godly feelings and emotions to consistently flow towards your lover, family member, friend, or colleague in a positive and productive way. Until you decisively open up your heart to me, we shall never be free with each other. In fact, we might even develop constant fear and suspicion for each other all the days of our life and obtain pain and dissatisfaction rather than joy and happiness in our relationship.

THE VALUE AND BENEFITS OF TRUST


There are immense benefits of trust that we tragically miss in our relationships because of ignorance, selfishness (desire to possess it all), unwillingness to make sacrifices, and a spirit of pride that would not submit to the needs and welfare of the other person.

The trust in your heart for someone who is close to you produces at least 15 benefits (or virtues) I have identified:
1) Sincerity ---- Trust stimulates you to easily open up your mind and heart to one another, accommodate and tolerate each another, and tell the truth to one another. 2) Loyalty ---- Absolute trust enables you become so committed to each other that you constantly strive to remain faithful to one another in the relationship. 3) Faith ---- You interact and do things with the person without fear, hesitation, and doubt. 4) Confidence ---- You derive courage and inner boldness for your activities in the relationship. 5) Genuine love ---- Trust deepens the love between any two people. You constantly look out for the best interest and welfare of each other, and share all things freely for mutual benefit. 6) Forgiveness ---- When an offence is committed, it becomes easier to forgive someone that you trust, than someone you distrust. Sometimes we even get angry or scared that offering him or her forgiveness will encourage the one to go on deceiving you, cheating on you, and fooling around. 7) Warm fellowship (especially conversation)---- You always desire and enjoy each others company, pray and share scripture together, converse and share good information together, support each other, and enjoy meeting each others needs. 8) Intimacy ---- You develop closeness (physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual). 9) Security (safety) ---- You feel safe and protected by the strong believe that the one in whose hands you have entrusted yourself in absolute commitment for a permanent relationship, will never fail nor betray the trust you have reposed in him or her in any way, and under no circumstance. 10) Peace (tranquility) ---- You have a deep sense of peace as you trustingly live with the person and expose yourself fully to the one, firmly believing that God has ultimately given you a true companion for fruitfulness and progress. 11) Joy (inner satisfaction)---- You develop inner gratification and true joy in your heart as you relate to the person and enjoy sweet fellowship with the one. 12) Motivation ---- You are encouraged to discover and improve upon your talents and gifts, when the person you are interacting with encourages and affirms you with his or her trust. You are further stimulated to seek for new ways of doing things in order to become a greater blessing and make the relationship more successful and satisfying. You are motivated to fellowship and work more with the person, and constantly trust him or her to team up with you in your efforts. 13) Sacrifices ---- When you happily and willingly trust someone, you go the extra mile to make any necessary sacrifices for the production of any results that are necessary for the welfare of that person. A spouse who does not trust his or her partner, would hesitate or even refuse to use money and resources for the benefit of his or her mate. Lack of trust is one major root causes of denials and refusals to make love and become romantic in many marriages and love relationships. Several women disclose that they go beyond distrust to even exercise fear for their husbands because of the thought of bringing them nasty diseases and microbial infections from other women that the men engaged in adulterous acts with. 14) Blessings of God ---- When there is total trust, it means there is total unity, which invites the blessings and visitation of God into the relationship and more grace of the Lord for success in all activities. God commands special grace and blessings where there is humility, unity, and peace (Psalm 133:1-3; 1 Peter 5:5, 6).When we do not trust each other and live in doubt and bitterness, how can we even pray together and expect God to answer our prayers with any blessings? 15) Strong family ---- Any family without trust between the spouses or parents will never grow to maturity, and will never develop into a strong family. Parenting will be poor in such a home. The weakness becomes an open avenue for forces of evil to attack and weaken the family even more. The forces sometimes succeed in devastating the couple and the children with separation, divorce, neglect, poverty, evil practices, family feuds, abuses, and even accidents and death. No husband can claim that he is genuinely committed to his wife and children, loves, and cares for them, when he does not sincerely trust his wife and children in his heart. Let us do honest self-

examination from time to time. The situation is even worse when the husband is not sincere with his affairs, and does not make his wife the number one lover or person in his life. The wife must also work on her trust of her husband and children, and ensure that she is in the life of the husband as a genuine lover and hard working helper for his success as God originally ordained. Some delinquent mothers do not even make enough time for their homes and families, and leave a lot of the house activities and care for the children to be done by their sisters, mothers, in-laws, and housemaids. Such misguided wives become busybodies in clubs, religious activities, career pursuits, and fruitless chitchat, or become engrossed in a global chase after goods and endless trading ventures (that is nicely glorified as business). Some supposedly enlightened wives (the majority traveled overseas before) decide to abandon our rich godly and traditional values by harboring the notion that they are not responsible for cooking in their marital homes; they assert that the husband should not expect meal preparation as a marital or family obligation. We agree that men must learn to cook as well, and even assist the wife in the kitchen as needed, but the woman must be proud to be the manager of meals (and all forms of nourishment), tidiness, care, and hospitality in the home. Well, that is another topic for us to discuss in the future, but feminine un-loving ideas and behavior such as the shirking of domestic meal responsibilities, can be great source of frustration, anger, temptation to seek for better love outside the home, and subsequent mistrust. It could also become bad example for growing children who would be confused about the definite domestic nurturing role of a real wife and mother to her family. A wife might not trust her husband because of a past offence --- typically adultery, blatant lies, life of secrecy, not making time for the wife or children, cheating the woman financially, encouraging in-law interferences, and abuses. She might find it hard to deal with the mistrust even when the events are past. But, no matter what has happened in the past, we can always work on ourselves to get past the offence or disappointment, and trust each other again. A man could say to a woman: I trust you, with his mouth, but not really mean it in his heart. The same situation applies to a woman who claims to trust her husband but does so only with her lips. Genuine trust in the heart is the basis of a godly relationship that is directed and controlled by the Spirit of God, and which ultimately produces happiness and satisfaction in our marriages, romantic relationships, and all associations. Sweet trust will not just hit you like chicken pox! You have to sacrifice and work haaaaaaard to get it!! As we round up activities for 2009, let us start preparing for great relationships, resounding victories, and remarkable successes in 2010 by working on genuine trust for people, especially in our homes, marriages, families, and for our fiances, which should then extend to friends and colleagues at school, on the job, in church, ministries, our leaders, heads of corporations, organizations, our government, communities, and our nation as a whole. This will happen only when we take a firm decision to develop personal integrity, upright character, truthful speech, keeping of promises, principled living, godliness, sincere love for people, sharing of available resources, diligence to tackle and complete our required tasks, accepting responsibility for our actions, resolving any outstanding conflicts, developing a spirit of forgiveness, abiding in holiness and purity, and total dependence on Gods word and His power day by day, in such a way that people will be spontaneously stimulated, motivated, and fueled to believe in us and trust us more. TO BE CONTINUED
Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra on Saturdays at 5:30 am 6:00 am (Ghana Time) or 12:30 am 1:00 am (US Eastern Time, October - March) to listen to Dr. Kisseadoo's broadcast "Hope For Your Family". Access on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM, and then click on Live Radio. More information can be obtained in Dr. Kisseadoos books. You can get 3 of his books from Red Lead Press, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania: "Differences Between Males and Females"; "Conflict Resolution and Agreement"; and "10 Keys for Success." Search online with: RedLeadBooks.com, using his name Samuel Kisseadoo." The 3 books can also be obtained from Amazon.com. You can also contact him in the USA for copies of all of his 13 books. In Ghana you can obtain

them at Challenge Bookstore, Legon Bookstore, and other bookstores or from Fruitful Ministries (233-20-8126533 or 233-276-322982).

Visit our website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com for essentials that will enrich your relationships and ministry. You can even press Ctrl, hold, and click on it right now. For free counseling, prayer, seminars, and contacts in
Ghana, call 233-20-8126533 or 233-276-322982 in Accra, or 233-244-786658 or 233-275-353802 in Kumasi. Attend free family life seminars for the public every 2nd Saturday of the month in Accra, 10am-12pm, or every

Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, USA). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc., 6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669, USA. Ph 7577289330 Fax 7577289335 Email: kisseadoo@msn.com

other Sunday 4pm-6pm in Kumasi. Copyright Jan. 2010

OUR GENERATION IS CRYING FOR TRUE COMMITMENT (Published Nov. 09)


One of the greatest needs of our time (a real problem we need to tackle) is the lack of genuine commitment for our duties and responsibilities. Integrity is therefore woefully lacking in our present societies. People want to succeed by cheap means, and prefer to toe the path of least resistance that entails little or no sacrifices. However, Life is war (as we usually say), but many of us want to enjoy the fruits of war without fighting any war or firing even a single shot. This is one of the major root causes of many failed marriages, broken or unproductive relationships, fruitless associations, as well as slow or hindered development of organizations, churches, ministries, institutions, cities, and nations across the world. Men and women are equality guilty of poor commitment to our respective duties and responsibilities. If you do not demonstrate and convince me that you are sincerely committed to me as a person that you have taken time to know, love, believe, and appreciate, and you are not genuinely devoted to what I am pursuing in life, especially for my growth, welfare, progress, prosperity, success, or relationship with you; and you cause me to doubt or fear that you will only take advantage of me or desert me along the way as I count on you to diligently support me faithfully in my ministry, marriage, relationship, project, investment, dream, vision, vocation, career, or pursuit; and give me reason to think or feel that my association with you will rather cause me to become discouraged and disillusioned, fail to succeed or prosper, fall into disgrace, keep me away from God or godly principles, and ruin my life in disappointment, then I can never trust you. Trust is earned like a certificate. We do not simply give trust unwisely and carelessly to people without being sure of their sincerity and commitment. What you do and say (or do not say and do not do), and the attitude or spirit with which you operate, will enable me to build trust for you. Therefore my brother or my sister, please make every effort to stop faking, and be real! FOCUS ON BUILDING

INTEGRITY BY CONSISTENLY DOING WHAT YOU SAID OR PROMISED (OR ARE EXPECTED) TO DO, IN ORDER TO ESTABLISH FAITHFULNESS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP AND IN THE MINDS OF OTHER PEOPLE. Compare the sacrifices and commitment of the modern generation to the devotion of our elders and ancestors who had very little to work with without technology, and you will often wonder why we are so un-committed in our generation. A story just came into mind: When I was a biology graduate student at the University of Aberdeen (Scotland), I went to nearby Edinburgh in April 1985 to do some studies at the Botanical Garden. When I arrived in the city, the bus I was riding in passed by a big church that was not very far from where I lodged. So the next morning (a Sunday), I dressed up and walked along the road to look for that church in order to worship there. I realized it was a Baptist Church, and I went all around but found the doors shut. Anyone on the street I made inquiries from about the church could not give me any tangible answer. So I went round it again and finally found a small door at the back that opened when I turned the door knob. As I entered everyone turned to look at me (I realized I was the only Black man present). The people present in that small room were about 20. The service was soon over, and the pastor came over and excitedly greeted me. He then asked me to accompany him home for tea. On our way we passed through the main sanctuary which was full of varied materials (furniture, cement bags, piles of wood, iron rods, appliances, metal tools etc.) smeared with a lot of dust, so I commented: Oh, you are doing renovations, eh? He shook his head with a squeezed-in mouth, and with an apparent sad face and eyes wide opened he answered: No; it is rented out as a warehouse to a company. We find it hard to get many people to come to church, so it is a way of making use of the main sanctuary. That is why we hold the services in that small room downstairs. In my shock I kept silent until we got home. As we sat down to chat over our tea and biscuits (Americans will say cookies) I asked him how many people come to church on the average. He answered: Young man, I have to be honest with you the number (about 20) you saw today was quite significant; we usually have less than that. We shall do some outreach in the summer with one or two seminary students that I am expecting from London Wow! Before we parted I suggested that we prayed. I remember that part of my prayer was: Dear Lord, come and revive your work in our time. If our ancestors were to resurrect and come to see how we are treating the precious legacy they left for us; how they toiled with their hands and built this massive beautiful church without any technology that we have today; they will be terribly disappointed, cry, and lament because of our modern-day lack of commitment to duty and important things of life. As I left I still gazed at the gigantic and artistic structure of stones and kept wondering! Similar situations are found in many parts of the world where our forefathers made themselves available for mighty moves of God and great revivals, especially communities of the world where God entrusted the people with His word and power for them to be missionaries who carried the Gospel to foreign lands. The modern generation has abandoned any commitment to the God of their ancestors, and no more regard the true God as their ultimate source. Because of the spiritual hunger which still prevails in all mankind, many of us drift into all forms of fake religions and occult practices as substitutes, due to our unwillingness to obey the Lord, practice holy living, and accept the Bible as the infallible word of God. This is my personal view as a Christian and a Minister of the Gospel of Christ. Your ideas and impressions might be different. You might therefore disagree with me and have a divergent view, but please let us still be friends with different views, work together for the much-needed commitment and progress of our societies, without disregarding the important truths in this article.

We are in an era when people hate to sacrifice, tell the truth and keep their promises, make time to work on themselves and build character, tackle difficult assignments that will promote progress, stay on a job until it is fully completed, and allow their commitment to people to build love and acceptance for final fruit that will bless everyone. A truly wise and committed person in any community is someone who loves people and uses things; but an uncommitted person is a selfish opportunist who loves things and uses people for his or her selfish purposes. The problem is more serious in the lives of young people in this generation who have many things ready-made (instant) for them without sweat, which encourages them to be lazy, wasteful, carefree, apathetic, and bad stewards of resources. It is a tragic prevalent bad character that is cancerous in our societies today, that many young adults (as well as several older adults) of today cannot become committed to a serious romantic relationship or marriage with one partner without drifting into unfaithfulness, apathy, or abandonment. Although some ladies are guilty in this regard, my experiences from hundreds of people that I have counseled over the years clearly indicate that generally men demonstrate lack of true commitment in relationships and marriage more than women. The tide seems to be changing, as we witness and hear of more women becoming unfaithful and un-committed in relationships and marriages than in the past. I have always stressed that God created men and gave them greater physical strength for at least 3 reasons; to become 1) protectors, 2) providers, and 3) courageous leaders with strength. When men therefore become true leaders of commitment to family duties and responsibilities, and demonstrate serious commitment to people in marriages and other relationships, the women and children will follow, as they draw their strength from the fear of God, led by the godliness of men in our communities. The leadership (headship) of men is therefore more of a privilege, endowment from God, and commitment to responsibility for the progress of society, rather than bossiness, control, manipulation, and domination. I know and admit that there are also many good and faithful men out there who work hard and seek to give the best leadership in their relationships, but some stubborn, carnal, un-submissive, un-cooperative, wasteful, impatient, sneaky, nagging women partners in their lives would not allow them to perform their leadership roles. So, men, kindly cheer up; sometimes it is not your fault! Please do not stop trying! Take every step to stop any other lady from stealing your heart and love away from your partner because of any frustration due to lack of true commitment in your relationship. If you are already (secretly) trapped, may the Lord stir your conscience today and grant you the inner power and grace to quit that adulterous hell-bound relationship! Our present environment is filled with wicked women with every seductive trick in the book to steal peoples fiances and husbands!! Disregard every ungodly and discouraging comments or wrong advice of family members and friends (many of whom are often ignorant, adherents to outmoded traditions, frustrated individuals who experienced failed marriages or unsuccessful relationships, or self-seeking opportunists). Consistently depend heavily on Gods unfailing promises. You are still a great man who can succeed! Smile! The fuel for the prevailing nonchalant, lackadaisical, and licentious lifestyle without serious commitment to responsibilities and exhibition of the fear of God in lifestyles, is pumped relentlessly into the furnace of

godlessness and rebellion of society by the fineries of life; glamour of dazzling beautiful toys scattered around us; the filth and deceptive liberal rhetoric in the media; the glittering lure of money and wealth; competition to always get instead of give; negative sides of technology (typically pornography on the Internet and in magazines as well as immoral and diabolically-inspired instant messaging and text or email messages); modern sophistications (for dresses, ornaments, celebrations, home establishment etc.); subtle seductive temptation-filled and sinful or ungodly movies and entertainment; developmental tradeoffs (typically the way society measures success only by material possessions); shameless nudity that promotes adultery, immorality, and promiscuity in proliferative varieties; satanic worship in the form of different types of occultism; and political correctness that has become the dangerous silent destroyer of open moral courage, virtue, excellent traditional codes of conduct, and treasured family values that are imperative as the foundation for the true development of every nation or society on planet earth. Many children lack good parenting or adult guidance and supervision in our day, and many young people do not therefore have true role models that will enable them to see, love, and emulate true commitment of adult caretakers, guides, and supervisors. Many people elected into public office, woefully lack the moral uprightness and the zeal to be such role models, and several adults and leaders even in our churches are no better. Our children therefore lack the development of any sense of responsibility, discipline, and stewardship. Many of us (adults included) lack the spirit or skill to take initiatives for progress, embark upon our required tasks to completion, take responsibility for our actions, take good care of resources, engage in good financial management, and take very good care of our homes and families. We consequently carry all the terrible baggage of un-commitment into our relationships and cannot marry effectively or establish any productive relationships. The situation is even more dangerous, very sad, and painful when people fake commitment in relationships, appointment to offices, or when entrusted with important transactions, money, and property. They pretend at the beginning to be angels that should be fully trusted, and deceive you to think that they are fully going along with you, and then later show you their true deceptive colors along the road.

There are four major aspects of commitment for every situation in life. If one aspect falls short, the commitment strength becomes weakened. If more than one aspect lags behind or is neglected, then your commitment will be poorer still. These are: 1) Commitment to God In my personal opinion, your commitment to God (through the acceptance of Jesus into your heart as Savior and Lord), followed by daily commitment to meditate on Gods word, plus fervent prayers, form the foundation for true commitment. That is what I have personally discovered, and I depend on that as my foundation for true success. You need to derive your strength, energy, and guidance from Gods power and grace, in order to be able to clearly know what to do at all times, and also obtain the ability to deal with people and situations effectively. As you build the fear of God in this way, you become devoted to the principles of God that would motivate and empower you to become devoted to society, your responsibilities, and ultimately devoted to the people you deal with, as human beings created in the image of God. If you employ only human efforts to work out your commitment without dependence on Gods

power and his promises, then your gas will run out real quick! Your diligence, patience, endurance, and perseverance will wear very thin for you to become deflated and be a quitter somewhere down the road. This explains why people, who initially claim to die in love for each other, or exhibit unparalleled zeal in business ventures, career development, organizational involvement, politics, ministerial position or activity, etc., can divorce, resign, throw in the towel, and give up trying. 2) Commitment to the established institution or organization Whether you are a church attendant or not, you need to know the details of the organization or institution that you are involved in, the rules and regulations, obligations, benefits, and reason for its existence, before you can clearly define your commitment to it. Some people even call themselves Christians, but are irresponsible and mean in their homes, marriages, relationships, on the job, at school, in their communities, in business activities, and even in church! Taking marriage, for example, you must know that it is a covenant relationship between one man and one woman that should never be broken once it is established and consummated. If you sincerely know that you cannot become committed to that person alone for life, then do not marry him or her. If you cannot become committed to anyone, then ask God for the grace to remain single till you die, rather than destroying yourself and other lives, and leaving a battalion of problems behind you after your final departure. Marriage is also a holy institution, and is the highest institution of God on earth, created and established by God alone for mankind. God therefore has the final word or instructions in any marriage and family matters. No matter your religious, social, educational, political, or economic status, there are obligations expected by society to be fulfilled by any married person. Once you marry, you must be committed fully to the institution of marriage, and stick permanently to your husband or wife alone (whether you are a Christian, religious, or not). You must make diligent efforts to build a strong family, and play all of your expected roles in the marriage, home, and family. Every city or country has rules and regulations, as well as guidelines established for the smooth and effective running of that society. If you live in that city or country, you must be committed to the regulations and customs of the institutional set-up of that community. That is how to become a responsible citizen. Without true commitment, civility and sense of duty get lost in society. 3) Commitment to your duties and responsibilities Whether it is marriage, family life, workplace, church, school, organization, position of authority, or any area in our communities, there are duties expected of each member of the particular set-up. You are required, for example, to pay your taxes if you belong to any community, and have absolute respect for the established laws and regulations of the land. Each of us must know our required roles wherever we are and for whatever we become involved in, and perform our expected roles as best as we know how to the level of excellence. We have to make a firm decision to be committed to our duties and responsibilities in every institution or relationship with people, and seek for their welfare and prosperity. The 4) Commitment to the individual or persons you relate to or work with final level of commitment must be to the person or people that you relate to. This is the next most important aspect of commitment and devotion, after commitment to God. But you need the other two aspects of commitment to be in place before you can become committed to the people who make up the institution, and who will benefit from the results of your commitment to duties and responsibilities. You

cannot simply work your way to success with the performance of multiple tasks and get caught up in the frenzy of organizational and relational activities, while you pay little or no attention to the human beings involved. A husband and a wife can have children in a marriage, try to provide material needs, and gather a lot of trophies without building any meaningful relationship between them as spouses and among each other in the marriage or family, due to lack of true commitment from the heart. It makes little sense to work very hard and just purchase piles of material things for the home as your duty; make love to simply enjoy the feelings; seek to acquire property; cook and engage in household chores; pay bills; and provide other needs, while you have no close relationship or genuine concern in your heart for the people involved in your life and whom you provide for. We do not discount the fact that we must fulfill our duties in our homes, at the workplace, or church, and for all relationships. Even if our love and commitment fall short, it is still encouraging to know that we perform such duties, which will help us to be on the road to real commitment. But when your life primarily revolves around human activities and material things without the use of all these opportunities to build relationships with people, then it is likely that you do all those great things in order to feel good within yourself as a hero in a selfish manner, without being motivated by real love for the people you claim to support. Your good deeds will not simply earn you high marks before God and grant you open entrance into His Kingdom, if you do not submit your good deeds to God and use the gifts to build good relationships with people. A pastor or ministry leader could preach and teach until he or she drowns in sweat and loses the voice; and can organize all the imaginable programs under the sun for the church or ministry, but could still have very little commitment to build any heart-to-heart relationship with the members of the congregation, ministry, or fellowship. Usually people make the effort to get committed to a spouse, child, parent, in-law, family member, friend, colleague etc., and then find that they are struggling helplessly to accept, love, accommodate, and associate with that person. This is mainly because they miss the foundational steps of: 1) first working on their commitment to the God of the people; 2) after that they must work hard on their commitment to the institutions and situations that they are involved in with the respected individuals; 3) followed by a diligent commitment to their respected duties and responsibilities in the relationship; 4) and then be in a prepared and motivated position where they would have the knowledge, power, and patient endurance to work out genuine commitment to the people they are struggling to love, accept, work or live with, and become committed to. We must make every effort to use every available opportunity and resource at our disposal to build wise, godly, peaceful, and productive relationships, and be people builders at home and outside of our homes, instead of the wrong focus on merely having babies or selfishly marrying partners just to enjoy them, building physical structures and organizations, and craving for material possessions.
Tune in to JOY 99.7 FM in Accra on Sundays at 8:30 pm (Ghana Time) or 3:30pm (US Eastern Time, October March) to listen to Dr. Kisseadoo's broadcast "Hope For Your Family". Access on the Internet using MYJOYONLINE.COM, and then click on Live Radio. More information can be obtained in Dr. Kisseadoos book Ten Keys For Success. You can get it from Red Lead Press, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Search online with:

RedLeadBooks.com, and put his name Samuel Kisseadoo into the "Search" box. Three of his books published so far by the company will come up: "Differences Between Men and Women"; "Conflict Resolution and Agreement"; and "10 Keys for Success." You can also obtain them from Amazon.com. You can also contact him in the USA for copies of all of his13 books. In Ghana you can obtain them at Challenge Bookstore, Legon Bookstore, and other bookstores. For free counseling, prayer, seminars, and contacts in Ghana, call 0208126533 or 0276322982 in Accra, or 0244786658 or 02755353802 in Kumasi. Attend free family life seminars for the public every 2nd Saturday of the month in Accra, 10am12pm, or every other Sunday 4pm6pm in Kumasi. Visit our website: www.fruitfulministriesint.com to enrich your personal life, relationships, marriage, and ministry. Copyright Nov. 2009 Rev. Dr. Samuel A. Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, USA). Founder and President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc., 6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669, USA. Ph 7577289330 Fax 7577289335 Email: kisseadoo@msn.com