November 2011

Page 4 - Did you get lucky!?!? Page 8 - Really Golden Oldies! Page 11 - The history of the Senior Moment Page 15 - Shes cute, shes young & shes available!!!!
Yennys Market Loase Resort & Spa The Catamaran Bar Pascual Good Food Happy Hippo Sharkys Bar & Grill The Restaurant
Supermercado Tropical Big Lees Beach Bar Rubis Salon El Jardin y Algo Mas Restaurant Chino
Los Tres Cocos

MAJOR PUBLIC WORKS PROJECT STALLED

A project that could have been a major benefit to the residents of Costambar stalled before it even got started. See details on page 5

What To Do This Month Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

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Dancing with Annette has classes available Tuesday evenings at 7:30pm or Wednesday mornings at 10am. Shes making it sexy, interesting but most of all - FUN!! Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Fine dining at its best! Call 809-993-4503 for details. Loase Resort & Spa is opening Play It Again Sams Bar & Grill on November 10th - everything you remember about Sams now in Costambar! Come reminisce and have a great time! Happy Hour noon-7pm with great drink prices and a great deal on Plate of the Day from noon-2:30. Full Thanksgiving Dinner on Thurdsay November 24th! Workout with racquetball, handball or wallyball. Wireless internet, big screen sports, movies and concerts. At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach youll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! They are now open until midnight with romantic meals and cocktails. Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Wednesdays its Paella day and Saturdays is Sancocho! This month they will hold their Austrian Evening on Tuesday November 22nd starting at 7pm. They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors! Like they say - your trash could be someone elses treasure! Pascuals Good Food on Costambar Beach specializes in seafood from their live lobster tank. Karaoke Party every Friday night! Also available for parties and events! The Happy Hippo is holding Gringo Night on November 25th - International Karaoke & imitations by Jepols! From 8pm on. Big Lees Beach Bar is aiming to be the new hotspot on the Malecon in Puerto Plata. Friday November 11th is Bikini Day - waitresses will be in their bikinis from 5pm-9pm and there will be a cookout as well! American music and free popcorn! Look for the 7 foot electric palm tree! Why not try El Jardin y Algo Mas for something different? Reserve a day in advance to take advantage of their Steak Tartar specialty! Take the kids and let them play on the swings and seesaw! Sharkys Bar & Grill in Costambar is bringing the fun times back to town! Hans is back with Darts on Tuesday nights. Wednesdays is the house specialty - Buffao Wings! Rockin Karaoke with Shawn & Ken on Friday nights and put on your dancin shoes for Retro Dance Saturdays! They have a Foosball Table, Pool Table and Satellite TV for all sporting events. AND - Charo is in charge of the menu! Let the good times roll!! The Restaurant is having Thanksgiving Dinner on November 24th with turkey and all the trimmings reservations only. Mondays is Fish & Chip night and Saturdays will be Karaoke from 9pm. Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food on the North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and calle Principal in Cabarete.

AMIGOS DE 4 PATAS are planning another spay/neuter clinic in the fall. In order to make this one as successful as the last they are looking for more volunteers and donations. They will also be holding more flea markets and fundraisers - watch this space for dates, etc. For more info contact Carolina at 829-520-7265 (Spanish & English) or Stephanie at 809-899-7800 (English). IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to services every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate Security, turn on the right side toward the power plant, 100 meters on the right side.

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CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE 33foot sailboat, Glander Tavana class yawl, good condition/ minor work needed, less than 1500 hours on new 20 horse Kuboto engine and trans. A MUST SEE! Located in Luperon bay. Call Sean @ (809) 782-2534. WANTED Does any one have a lathe for sale either for metal or for wood, and also a Bandsaw. Tel: 809 970 3287 or 809 649 0345, email: bobyk@libello.com FOR SALE Pool/Jacuzzi Heater. StaRite 400K BTU Maxi-Therm propane heater. Recently rebuilt and overhauled including a new heat exchanger that cost $RD40,000. Cost new was $RD130,000. Asking $RD75,000 OBO. This is a real bargain! Please call 809-9703268 Costambar FOR SALE 28" flat screen television perfect condition 10,000 pesos 829-246-7525 or 829-616-2056 FOR SALE Large dog cage, certified for airplane transport. Brand new, never used. Has wheels. Cost US$450 - asking US$300 negotiable. Call 809-988-1322 FOR SALE 1995 Diesel Toyota Land Cruiser In Excellent Condition. Manual Transmission, Air Conditioning, 4 wheel drive. Former UN vehicle. A no frills beast of a vehicle with a comfortable ride on or off road. Asking RD 380,000. Located near Maimon. 809-707-9036 FOR SALE 15HP Johnson outboard motor. Short shaft,good runner, US$800 Call 809-449-1819 FOR SALE Dell inspiron Laptop, Brand new boxed 3gb memory, 320 gb hard drive, dual core intel pentium p6200 processor Genuine windows 7 home premium. 30,000 pesos 829-246-7525 or 829-616-2056 FOR SALE Car: Mitsubishi L200, diesel, year 2005, 76,000 km, incl. full insurance till April 2012, very good conditions, German maintained, new rear brakes, trailer coupling, and much more Motorcycle YAMAHA SEROW 225ccm,TRIAL, German maintained, looks like new! incl. insurance till October 2011 Open fishing motorboat, 22 feet, year 2010, Tohatsu 40 horsepower and Tohatsu 9.8 horsepower, specialize for big game fishing! Everything only 10 months old!!!!!!!! Call for prices: 849 886 1266 Located in Luperon FOR SALE Digital camera, 12 megapixel fujifilm digital camera, 3x fujinon zoom, 2.4 lcd, brand new boxed, with 4gb sd memory card 6,000 pesos 829-246-7525 or 829-616-2056 WORK WANTED Anything considered - cleaning, babysitting, painting, etc. I understand some English and have references. Call Rosy 809-292-9693 FOR SALE Beautiful all sunshine yellow pasola kym 100 cc, special edition, 2500km original mileage, 2011, asking 27,500 negotiable, like new georgioantiglio@yahoo.com or 849 353 4628

LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBARS NEW FLEA MARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!! Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820 PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.

www.costambarmonthly.com

YENNYS MARKET
Everything You Need At Good Prices!
Open 8:00am to 9:30pm daily Calle Principal, Costambar Tel: 809-970-3028

Im so poor I cant even pay attention!

SAY YOU SA W IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

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DID YOU WIN?!?!?

Heres the list of winners from the Amigos de 4 Patas raffle at the benefit concert held October 22nd at Happy Hippo: 1. Dolphin swim x 2 passes fron Ocean World Alexis Peralta Almonte 2. Breakfast x 2 (or 4) at Black Beards - Hector Rodrigez 3. Jewellry certificate - Fedir Nikolayev Infiniti Blu 4. Breakfast for 2 at Ricks Place - Roger Birt, Costambar 5. Breakfast for 2 at Ricks Place - Joe Sanros 6.Retah B. Jazz & Blues C.D. - Brian Tisler 7.Retah B. Jazz & Blues C.D. - Hans Van Weeran 8. Marco Zubrod Diving travel guide book - Carol Cormica 9. Bravissimo Show x 2 passes, Ocean World Don Docker 10. Bravissimo Show x 2 passes, Ocean World Nanda Cavalli They raised a little over RD$20,000 from the benefit and thank everyone for their generosity and support. If you havent claimed your prize get in touch with Carolina at 829-520-7265 or Stephanie at 809-899-7800. Remember tickets are available for RD$50 at Happy Hippo and The Anchor all winter and lots more great prizes are still to be won. Keep reading Costambar Monthly to see if youve won!

Apartments for Rent Long and Short Term Special Offers Available For Long Term Rentals! Just ask Max!
Office 809-970-7312 Cell 809-251-8679 Visit our website www.villasfelipe.com

FOR SALE

HOUSE FOR RENT

Located main street Cafemba 3 Bedrooms & 2 Bathrooms Pool & Jacuzzi Well water Office & WiFi System Available furnished or unfurnished SAME LOCATION - 1 bdrm apt for rent short-term FOR MORE INFO CALL 849-207-8246/EMAIL dr84@hotmail.com

POWER OF THE PRESS?

Did CM have anything to do with the Banco Leons parking fix? Well never tell!

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PUBLIC WORKS PROJECT STALLED

Continued from Page 1

Power Hour 3X1 Cuba Libres at Catamaran 6-7pm Happy Hour at Play It Again Sams at Loase Noon-7pm Fish & Chips at The Restaurant Darts with Hans at Sharkys Dancing With Annette 7:30pm Paella at Catamaran Buffalo Wings Special at Sharkys Dancing With Annette 10am Karaoke at Sharkys Karaoke at Pascuals Sancocho at Catamaran Karaoke at The Restaurant 9pm Dominican Public Holiday Constitution Day Play It Again Sams At Loase opens Bikini Day & Cookout at Big Lees 5pm-9pm Possible General Strike Austrian Day at Catamaran 7pm Thanksgiving Dinner at Play It Again Sams at Loase Thanksgiving Dinner at The Restaurant Gringo Day with Karaoke at Happy Hippo 9pm

A project deemed to be of extreme urgency and considered to be of major benefit to Costambar died before it even got going. Contractors started dropping off large drainage tiles intended to try and siphon off and divert the BS that has flooded local watering holes. After so many reports of people drowning in their own BS, and that of others, this was considered by health agencies (particularly mental health) to be of the utmost urgency, especially with the imminent influx of snowbirds. Unfortunately, when engineers arrived to assess the project they deemed the drainage tiles, the largest currently available, to be insufficient for the project. Project managers are currently in negotiations with offshore manufacturers but it would appear that there is not a facility anywhere that could create drainage tiles that would be big enough for the Costambar BS Drainage Project. Officials have warned residents to buy bigger wading boots!

BIOMAX DENTAL
Dra. Yarisa Ripoll

Top Quality Dental Implants For Only US$300 Performed by American Dentists
Four Highly Skilled American Dentists Donate Their Time In Order For Us to be Able to Offer Implants At Such An Affordable Price.
CALL FOR MORE DETAILS AND TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT

809-261-0094 Calle Luis Ginebra #38, Puerto Plata

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VIVERO!!!
Open to the Public
All T of ypes Palms, Flowering & Foliage Plants Landscaping & Garden Maintenance Services Available BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST
Open Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm And By Appointment

PLANT

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him? 2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be? 3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away? 4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday? 5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching! ANSWERS ON PAGE 12

Call George (Lettuce) 809-543-8041

Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert (In front of PARADA DINAMICA) Just past the fish places

MOTOCONCH WANNABE!
There can be no other explanation for this except that this person is practicing for their motoconcho licence! If this is how they park we dont wanna see them driving!!!

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway -- One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

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OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.' The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?' The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the damn jar open.

Order Your Health Insurance Now!

RD$770 Includes Dental (with Drugs RD$960)

FOR DETAILED INFORMATION

Tuesday Nov 1 & Dec 6
Big Lees Beach Bar, Puerto Plata 5pm Biekes Bar, Costambar 6:30pm Or Call Petra & Marcel Bahr 1-809-885-2155

SAY YOU SA W IT IN COSTAMBAR

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital . As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, 'No health insurance.' The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied. 'No money in the bank.' The nun asked, 'Do you have a relative who could help you?' He said, 'I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.' The nun became agitated and announced loudly, 'Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.' The patient replied, 'Send the bill to my brother-inlaw.'

Two little old ladies were attending A rather long church service. One leaned over and whispered, My butt is going to sleep. I know, replied her companion, I heard it snore three times.
Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology, Acupressure, & Hot Stone Physical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic Drainage Manicure & Pedicure: Regular & Intensive Braids & Hair Extensions & Mens Haircuts Facials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse Services Natural Health & Beauty Products
ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS. Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointment Service to the home. Transportation available. #14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

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Confucius say, If you are in a book store and cannot find the book for which you search, you are obviously in

Email daniel1010@netzero.com

Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include: Bobby Darin ---Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash Herman's Hermits ---Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker Ringo Starr ---I Get By With A Little Help From Depends The Bee Gees -- -How Can You Mend A Broken Hip? Roberta Flack---The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face Johnny Nash ---I Can't See Clearly Now. Paul Simon---Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver The Commodores ---Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade Of Hair Leo Sayer ---You Make Me Feel Like Napping The Temptations ---Papa's Got A Kidney Stone Abba---Denture Queen Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall Helen Reddy ---I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore Leslie Gore---It's My Procedure, And I'll Cry If I Want To And Last but NOT least... Willie Nelson ---On the Commode Again...

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Lyrics in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

FACT After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a shithead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

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CLEAR FIBERGLASS 33-LB PROPANE CYLINDER TANK

Always know how much gas you have! Lighter than steel and don't rust! $320.00 new in US Now only 2450 pesos Call Colin 809-449-1819

FOR SALE

26' Ocean Reef Fishing Boat Good - Very Good condition Built in Florida 1982 Solid sea-vessel Economical 4 cyl. Isuzu Good for fishing or touring. US$42,000 For Info sailinn@yahoo.com

Trying to Sell Your Boat? Why Not Get More Exposure By Advertising It In Costambar Monthly!
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Yuma , Arizona . They turn a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents. They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirredand says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet. Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

L U P E R O N

"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beerit's all the same." "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing a dozen other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the dozen or so people at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, " A few are retired people from Florida, and the rest are sailor/cruisers from Luperon Harbor. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."

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SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

FRIENDSHIP

ACQUAINTANCE AFFECTION AFFINITY ALLY AMIGO AMITY BOYFRIEND BUDDY CHUM CLOSENESS

COMPANION COMRADE CONFIDE EMPATHY FAVOR FONDNESS FRIENDLINESS FUN GIRLFRIEND GOOD TIMES

HONESTY KINSHIP LEND LOYALTY PAL ROOMMATE SHARE SUPPORTIVE SYMPATHY TRUST

Across 1. Move periodically or seasonally 5. Request urgently or persistently 6. Intransigent 7. Clause Down 1. Eye makeup 2. Dashing 3. Antiquated 4. Give the right to

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12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49

CNN FOX ABC NBC CBS KIDS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO SPORT BOOMERANG

51 56 57 64 66 69 70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85

CINE SPEED

CANAL

ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD DISCOVERY WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy

809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607

This month we actually had a request for a tip from a long time reader. He asks if anybody has come up with a good way to keep spices from getting damp and clumping up or molding. Seems he just bought a spice rack and would like to continue using it. So, anybody got any advice for our spicy reader? Email us at costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca and well get the info to him. And if we find a really effective method well print it here!

PLEASE NOTE - No new ads or changes will be accepted within 4 days of the end of the month.

COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
Contact Us Tel: 809-970-7507 Cell: 809-449-1820 Email: costambarmonthly @yahoo.ca

Costambar Monthly Page 12

Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie. Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful. The Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision." "That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz he'd be in trouble if he needed glasses".

Try Our Specialty Reservation Required One Day in Advance

Open Tues-Sat 4pm-11:30pm/Sunday 11:30am-11:30pm Calle Felix Nolasco #55, Urbanization Atlantica, Puerto Plata 809-261-0416/829-568-1475

Restaurant Chino
Best Chinese Food On the North Coast! Two Great Locations! Eat In or Takeout!
Plaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata 809-261-5609 Calle Principal, Cabarete 809-571-0385

WHEN A REGULAR BICYCLE BASKET JUST ISNT ENOUGH!

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Crisps.
THE ANSWERS TO THE RIDDLES ON PAGE 6 1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right? 2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung). 3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing. 4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow! 5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca

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PASCUAL GOOD FOOD PLAYA COSTAMBAR

Specializing in Live Lobsters & Seafood Karaoke Party Every Friday Night!!
Open Daily 9am to 12pm

For Parties, Events & Reservations Call 829-434-9404

FINALLY! Boots for people who dont know whether they are coming or going!

Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years

BEGINNER

INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Camaraderie

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A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half .' The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.' A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, 'So, where does that guy go when he leaves?' Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,..........'Your house!

THE VERY FIRST SENIOR MOMENT!

www.costambarmonthly.com

INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

Life is sexually transmitted!

Costambar Monthly Page 15

Basics taught in Merengue, Bachata & Salsa *Hip Action *Arm Styling *Turns *Balance & more
Small towel Bottle of water Comfortable shoes (not sneaker/tennis shoes)

Weekly Tuesday evenings 7:30pm (starting Oct 4) Wednesday mornings 10am (starting Oct 5)
The Pink House (La Casa Rosada) Calle Cristobal Colon #6 Annette Gambardella 809-869-0054 Email tangoannet@gmail.com

Only RD$200 per class

TAKE ME HOME!
Amigos de 4 Patas rescues street dogs all the time. And these dogs need homes. Costambar Monthly is pleased to support their efforts. For more info on this months dog for adoption or any others contact Carolina at 829520-7265 or follow them on Facebook. THE POOP ON THIS PUP! Name: Little Zebrina. Age: 9 months Shots: Yes Neutered: Yes. Rabies Shot: Yes Rescued by: Adriana Riticelli. With Amigos 4 Patas since: July 2011. She loves to play and eat!!! She is a cutie and is the perfect size - about 1 foot. If you want to adopt Zebrina (and who could resist!) contact the Amigos now! Baby Pic

COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

POWER HOUR 6-7PM!!!! 3X1 CUBA LIBRES!!!!

FLEA MARKET!!!
EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH Starting at 10am FREE TO VENDORS!!!

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There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother 2. He liked Gospel 3. He didn't get a fair trial But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father's business 2. He lived at home until he was 33 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands 2. He had wine with His meals 3. He used olive oil But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut His hair 2. He walked around barefoot all the time 3. He started a new religion But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian: 1. He was at peace with nature 2. He ate a lot of fish 3. He talked about the Great Spirit But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married.. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all 3 proofs that Jesus was a WOMAN: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

BIKINI FRIDAY, NOV. 11th

Yes, your waitresses will be in Bikinis Good clean fun AND a Cook Out on the same day!!! Chicken Wings, Hamburgers and Cheeseburgers! 5 p.m. - 9 p.m., Bikinis and Food. Get here early to get a good seat! "Thank you Friends for a Great Opening in October!" ~Big Lee On the Malecon, LOOK for the 7' Electric Palm Tree!
Health Insurance Premiums formerly paid at Sam's Bar are now paid at Big Lee's the 1st Tuesday of every month.

I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. I said, "Morning." He said, "No, just taking a shit."

www.costambarmonthly.com

LORD, THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER... Judy got married and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer. She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.. Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later. Judy again, remarried, and this time, she & John had 5 more children. Judy finally died, after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together." Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret: "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?" Margaret replied "I think he means her legs, Ethel."

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VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK

Casa Obear/ Loase Villa

Loase Resort

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To avoid it... Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system. Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, Take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. Wash your hands often. If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. Get lots of fresh air. Open doors & windows whenever possible. Last year I replaced all the windows in my house Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as with that expensive double-panel energy efficient you can. kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor Get plenty of rest. who installed them. OR He was complaining that the work had been Take the doctor's approach. Think about it - when completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid you go for a flu jab, what do they do first? They for them. clean your arm with alcohol.... Hellllloooooo just because I'm blonde doesn't mean Why? . that I am automatically stupid. So... So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy I walk to the bar. (exercise) had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these I put lime in my vodka. (fruit) windows would pay for themselves! Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies) Hellllooooooo? It's been a year! I told him. Drink outdoors on the patio. (fresh air) There was only silence at the other end of the line, Tell rude jokes and laugh. (eliminate stress) so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet Then I pass out. (rest) he felt like an idiot!! The way I see it. If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!

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THE FUN TIMES ARE BACK IN TOWN!!!!

FORMERLY THE GYM BAR (IN FRONT OF BARLOVENTO)

NOW OPEN ON CALLE CADIZ!

Tuesday Nights Hans is back With DARTS!

POOL TABLE!

Buffalo Wing Wednesdays Our Specialty!!

FOOSBALL TABLE!

Check Out Our Menu! Made by Charo! Great Prices!

SATELLITE TV FOR SPORTS!

Karaoke Fridays With Rockin Shawn & Ken!

DARTS!

Retro Dance Saturday Nights Fun! Fun! Fun!

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Wellness & Health Center Gym, Spa & Beauty Salon

This month we offer you the following special packages:

Get 40% off on our Salon Services

Hydradermabrasion It is a non-invasive technique designed to help polish the skin, buffing away fine lines and wrinkles and helping the skin have a more youthful glow US$50

We now offer Permanent Laser Hair Removal!

Call 809-970-31 10 809-970-3073 For more information And to make your appointment

Costambar, Puerto Plata Dominican Republic