Alyssa Hoover Mrs.

Thornburg W131 Final Critique November 7, 2011 Emotional Persuasion Meghan Daum, a freelance writer and an essayist, recalls her personal, not so successful relationship that began online. Her article, Virtual Love provides personal experiences on why her online relationship went from a growing romance to a false illusion. While using her personal experience to help persuade the reader to believe that online relationships dont work, Daum fails to present an objective side of the argument. Without the objective side of an argument, the reader becomes skeptical of the reliability of the author. Daum expresses her emotions throughout this essay to elaborate on the reasons as to why her cyber relationship became unsuccessful. Although Daum portrays her information through assumptions and personal experiences, she fails to support her experiences with more objective reasoning. Daums article began with an email she had received from a fan whose screen name she revealed to be PFSlider (Pete). In her claim He confessed to having a crush on me, Daum explains PFSlider expressed his initial interest in her (Daum 170). After her reply to his email, PFSlider would occasionally email Daum, leaving her hesitant to whether she should continue replying, but she did. After continuous emails back and forth, the relationship gradually converted to phone calls. Daum would occasionally be up all night either having conversations

on the phone or replying to PFSliders emails. Though lacking prior experience with cyber relationships, Daum had faith in this courtship simply because they were both being truthful. PFSlider and Daum talked about meeting in person, and when they did, the relationship was cold and not what she had imagined. She reveals that she is in love with PFSlider, her virtual companion, not the real person who Pete is. Daum states that it was the closeness and privacy of the emails that she was in love with and the relationship in the real world was not the same. She finishes her article by stating that if she and Pete were to have met in person in the beginning, the relationship would have never existed. Meghan Daum wrote an entertaining and compelling article presenting an idea of what may cause cyber relationships to fail, but when examined, the article losses credibility due to the authors inability to site anything other than her limited relationship experience. Throughout the article, Daum explained her encounters with PFSlider, then concluded with what caused her relationship to fail. Daum never refers to experiences where online relationships have had happy endings and related a negative outlook on cyber dating. If Daum were to present the objecting side of her argument, readers may have considered her article to be more reliable. Readers may also become skeptical due to the fact that Daum is not a professional on online dating or even on relationships. Many readers may expect statistics or a researchers opinion on the subject for the article to be considered reliable. In her article, Daum never refers to an online relationship that has worked. In her concluding paragraph Daum states our particular version of intimacy now obscured by the branches and bodies and falling debris that make up the physical world which leaves the reader to believe that online relationships will never end in success (Daum 176). Daum assumes that all online relationships result in disappointment and heartbreak. By not accepting the other side,

Daums article is one-sided and fails to present credible evidence on why online relationships do not work. If she were to have presented the other side of the topic with support and evidence as to why online relationships do not work, her article would have been more reliable and more readers would have agreed that an online relationship may seem more private and close than one in the real world. However, Daum failed to provide any objective viewpoints regarding her experience with online relationships leaving her stance as one that could be merely the act of an immature individual. Many times in this article, Daum seems to be persuasive by using many emotional terms to present an alternative to having credibility. In her statement I wanted it, all of it. I wanted unfettered affection, soul-mating, true romance Daum gets the reader to sympathize rather than dispute her credibility (Daum 172). The reader is often left relating to the desire and want of the author rather than questioning her reliability. Throughout the article, Daum uses emotional words in which every person can relate to. Daum relates to the feeling of wanting to be loved and adored in order to relate to the reader. By presenting successful online relationships, Daum would have made her article more credible. Daum discusses her personal experience but doesnt suggest any other experiences leaving the reader to question whether or not Daum is really knowledgeable of the subject. The closeness and the privacy of online dating may have caused Daums cyber-relationship to fail in the real world, but for some, this may have helped them to be more open and establish a more genuine closeness. She effectively makes her point by using personal experiences, but could have just as easily added other experiences in which the opposite outcome occurred. Perhaps if Daum were to have used statistics and statements of researchers, her article would have been more reliable and more convincing.

Works Cited Daum Meghan. Virtual Love. Writing and Reading for ACP Composition, Comp. by Thomas E. Leahey and Christine R. Farris. New York, New York: Pearson Custom Publishing, 2009. 169-176. Print. Print.