Written by Sarah Sti l l man

Illustrated by Susan Gross

Soul Searching
A Girls Guide to
Finding Herself
Hillsboro, Oregon
SIMON PULSE
New York London Toronto Sydney
Preface
Recently, I woke up to an email from a fifteen-year-old girl in Russia
who is recovering from a serious eating disorder and struggling to
accept her body. A week before that, I got a note from a teenage girl in
Beijing, China, who wanted to share a list of her favorite philosophy
books, and a month earliertucked away like a gem between spam
messages for celebrity diet pills and hair removal potionsI received
a Facebook message from a girl in Missouri who hoped to brainstorm
ways of dealing with hurtful comments from classmates online.
When I first sat down at age 16 to write Soul Searching: A Girls
Guide to Finding Herself, it was beyond my wildest dreamsand
qualificationsto publish an advice book that would reach girls from
Beijing to Kansas City. My goal was much simpler: I wanted to test
out my suspicion that most young women, if given the chance, would
enjoy reading about topics like journaling, philosophy, yoga, and cre-
ativity every bit as much as about fashion, lip gloss, boys, and dieting.
Now, almost a decade later, Im excited to report that readers like you
have proven me right. Todays teen girls are a lot more self-aware and
engaged than adults often give them credit for. Not only do they like
to read, they like to reach out, react, and share their own ideas.
Since the first edition of this book came out, Ive had the amaz-
ing opportunity to exchange emails with hundreds of insightful and
inspiring readers like you, whove taught me that society has a lot to
gain from tuning in to the diverse voices of teenage girls. Some of the
vi Soul Searchi ng
recent messages in my Inbox made me smile, like the one that asked,
Will you help me interpret my dream about being trapped inside a
giant earthworm? But most of the emails have dealt with big, difficult
issues that remind me just how tricky it can be to survive middle school
and high school: how to handle the ups and downs of friendships and
relationships; how to confront scary challenges like drugs and violence;
and how to figure out your hopes for yourself and your world.
Being a teen certainly hasnt gotten any easier since I first wrote
this book. In fact, if anything, girls today are facing more challenges
than ever in our fast-paced, plugged-in culture. In the new edition
of Soul Searching, Ive added a section about being a soul searcher in
the Internet age, which means dealing with issues like cyber-bullying,
sexting, and Facebook mania. Ive also expanded the chapter called
Know Your Body, to tackle new themes such as how to strive for
a healthy diet without allowing an obsession with food or fitness to
take over your life. And finally, Ive tossed in a few new examples of
brave, cool things that girls around the world are doing to stand up
for each other in rough situations, contribute to their communities,
and make a better world.
Theres something else I should add: for all the pitfalls of living in a
technology-obsessed century, its also made this particular moment an
incredible time to be a girl. For starters, young women today no longer
have to rely on glossy teen magazines like the ones I ranted about it
my introduction for information and advice. These days, if we dont
like the stuff we read in the pages of a superficial magazine, whats to
stop us from seeking out better sources of inspiration, or creating our
own? Todays girls are sharing their ideas on blogs, forming their own
rock bands, performing their own poetry in local coffee shops, start-
ing their own sports fan clubs, and standing up for themselves in our
broader culture, where Girl Power finally means something more
than our right to buy hip outfits and dance around to the Spice Girls
(have you even heard of them? If not, I feel very, very old).
Preface vii
Another cool thing about being a girl in our interconnected world
is getting to learn from the struggles and ideas of other young people
in very different situations, whether in far-off countries or in our own
backyard. Consider the example of Maya Naussbaum, a college senior
who founded a program called Girls Write Now to empower young
women in New York City public schools to write their hearts out about
stuff that matters to them, and broadcast it online. Another is a girl
blogger in Baghdad, Iraq known as Riverbend, a young female com-
puter programmer who kept an amazing Web diary about her experi-
ences living in a war-torn city, where electricity and running water were
often scarce. Her blog reminds me that being a soul searcher is often
extremely hard, scary work. Sometimes, it means confronting other
peoples harsh judgments and pushing through them to stand up for
who you are and what you believe, no matter the risks.
Thats a huge part of what this book is about: learning to take yourself
and your opinions seriously, facing up to your fears, and discovering
how many wonderful things lie beneath the surface of who you already
are. Often, that means making embarrassing mistakesof which Ive
had plentyand facing scary moments when you dont have the right
answers. If the past ten years have taught me anything, its that soul
searching doesnt stop when you graduate high school, or when you get
your first job, or when you turn a certain age. Ive had the chance to
try on a lot of hats in my late teens and twenties, from college student
to clueless traveler to war reporter. But for all the adventures Ive been
lucky to have, Im constantly reminded how much I still havent figured
out, and how many big questions remain a glaring mystery to me.
Sure, this books subtitle may be A Girls Guide to Finding Herself.
But Im beginning to think that theres no such thing as being totally
found. And heres the good news: the fun, I think, is in the searching.
Your friend,
Sarah
C H A P T E R 3
Set Your Body Free
Yoga, Massage, and Spa Treatments
Our bodies: we cant escape them. We see them every day, rain or shine,
like it or not. Were often taught to hate our bodies, and its been said
that almost eighty percent of girls do. We punish them, starve them,
stuff them, and hide them. If only we could learn to work with our
bodies instead of against them, wed be much happier people.
Even though soul searching may seem like a mostly mental and
emotional journey, the mind, body, and spirit are closely linked. When
we have negative feelings about our physical selves, it makes it almost
impossible to focus on our emotional and spiritual identities. How
can we expect to understand and accept something we hate looking
at in the mirror?
For many of us, the biggest hurdle in soul searching is learning to put
aside societys physical expectations. All too often, we replace our quest for
34 Soul Searchi ng
wisdom and self-understanding with the pursuit of other ideals: thinness,
sexiness, beauty. To cope with these pressures, weve got to strengthen the
union between the body and the mind. There are many tools that can
help us, from dance to yoga to exercise. When we honor the bodys need
for movement, nourishment, and relaxation, we send ourselves a message
that these needs are important. When we fulfill these needs, we become
more in tune with them. Listening to our bodies is perfect training for
learning to understand and meet the needs of our soul as well.
Becoming comfortable with ourselves takes time. It also takes
guts. The reason feeling satisfied with ourselves can be risky busi-
ness is that so many people out there are secretly against it. Its what
we call a double standard: were told to love our bodies, but we risk
punishment if we do. Many people are threatened by female security,
often because it invokes their own fear and jealousy. For example, I
once had to wear a leotard for a school performance. As I was waiting
backstage, dancing around crazily and joking with my friends, I heard
a classmate whisper to his friend, Who does she think she is? Its not
like she has anything to be proud of! The leotard that made me feel
fabulous and elegant a few seconds before now painfully screamed the
fact that my breasts were too small and my thighs too muscular. I ran
to the locker room and put a sweatshirt over my outfit. Looking back
on this experience, I wish I had gathered enough courage to march
up to that boy, give him a piece of my mind, and go back to dancing
in my leotard.
Think about your past. Youve probably received similar messages
about your body. You may feel as though you should parade it if you
want to be popular and get attention, but at the same time you know
you might feel you should hide it unless you want to be ridiculed. Are
you comfortable with who you are and the way you look? If not, dont
stress. Its a process. You have to learn about your body and understand
it, inside and out. As you do, you will be amazed at the way your
physical well-being affects your emotional and spiritual health as well.
Set Your Body Free 35
This chapter is full of fun ideas to help you nurture, strengthen, and
honor your body.
BODY CELEBRATI ON
There are probably objects all around you that you have
memorizedthe scribblings on the cover of a notebook, the
way your cats hair grows, or the freckles on your best friends
face. When we observe something daily, we start to memorize
size, color, and texture. But how well do we know our own
bodies? Take a minute to think about it. Do you understand
your physiology and how the various systems of your body
function? If not, read up on your anatomy and pay attention
during science class! The human body is an absolutely amazing,
beautiful thing. After learning the basics from textbooks and teach-
ers, you are responsible for learning about your own individual body.
Spend some time getting to know your body. What are your toes
shaped like? How about your ears? What birthmarks, scars, freckles,
and moles do you have? While you may feel strange having to learn
about your own body, these are discoveries you ought to make. Try
standing in front of the mirror. View yourself objectively. Tell yourself
everything you love about your body. When you are done, thank
your body for the many gifts it offers up every day. Think about
all it gives you, including the ability to run, eat, heal wounds, and
see the world. These are incredible blessings, and you owe it a lot!
When you feel you really know your body, you can decide whether
or not you have the guts to say: This is me. I accept who I am and
what I look like.
Inclusiveness and Sex
Our teenage years are perhaps some of the most confusing times in
our lives. Not only are we juggling school, parents, and friends, but
36 Soul Searchi ng
we are also beginning to figure out who we want to date. This can
be both exciting and stressful, as Im sure you may know. The most
important thing for soul-searching, I think, is to be true to who you
are. That means not basing who you want to date on what anyone else
tells you, but on what you want. This is especially true for teens who
may be questioning their sexuality or who they are attracted to. While
there is pressure to figure all of this out at our age, the good news is we
dont have to have all the answers right now. There is plenty of time for
us to figure out these complicated questions. Its part of growing up.
Teenage life can be especially difficult for teens that have come out
of the closet. This is one of the bravest things a teen can do because
so many stereotypes exist about gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender
and questioning (LGBTQ) youth. Because high school is already
hard enough as it is, many teens that have come out of the closet
have a difficult time fitting in. Some parents who do not understand
kick their children out of the house or even disown them. In fact,
up to 40 percent of homeless teens are LGBTQ.
10
Sadly, teens are
sometimes bullied to the point of despair, even to the point of suicide
because they feel so alone. In September 2010 alone, four gay teens
killed themselves because of being bullied about their sexuality.
11
A
recent survey sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education
Network found nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT students experienced
harassment at school in the past year and nearly two-thirds of them
felt unsafe.
12
Because of this, many celebrities like Dan Savage and
Ellen DeGeneres are taking a stand against this kind of bullying
behavior. Whatever youre experiencing now, be it family rejection,
bullying and harassment in schools or even thoughts of suicide, it
gets better, Savage said of his It Gets Better Project, a video forum
where people share stories of support and compassion for gay youth,
www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject.
13
DeGeneres also openly
spoke out against this type of bullying, saying, This needs to be
a wake up call to everyone that teenage bullying and teasing is an
Set Your Body Free 37
epidemic in this country, and the death rate is climbing. We have
an obligation to change this.
14
If you or someone you know is
struggling with their sexuality or being bullied because they have
come out of the closet, you are not alone. Many resources exist to
help you in whatever way you need. These include Lyric, lyric.org;
the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network, glsen.org; Parents,
Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, community.pflag.org,
and many more. In fact, a full resource list of many more LGBT
organizations can be found at Sex, Etc., www.sexetc.org/resource/
glbtq/link#resource_link.
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is no matter
what your sexual preference, it is important to be both informed
and safe. We may have had the talk from our parents and laughed
at the timecan you imagine anything more embarrassing? But if
you stopped to listen to what they had to say, you may have noticed
they were (kind of ) on the right track. That is, hopefully they talked
to you about the importance of being safe, of waiting until you are
ready, and being true to yourself. As teen girls we may feel pressure to
have sex if were not ready, or to date lots and lots of people. We see
images on television, in magazines, and on the Internet that tell us to
look and dress a certain way, and to be sexy in order to get noticed. A
2008 study done by Girlguiding UK found that under-14s believe
the influence of magazines, websites, and friends telling them to look
and act sexually is making them unhappy.
15
The fact of the matter
is this can be a very confusing time for us. We are searching for our
identity in so many ways, and sex just adds one more thing to the
mix. If the person were dating pressures us to have sex when were
not ready, know that we are the ones in control. We can always say
no if we need to. And if we find ourselves in a situation where we are
saying no and the person isnt listening, that is serious business. The
sad truth is that 30 to 50 percent of teen girls in high school have
already experienced some type of dating violence.
16
There are many
38 Soul Searchi ng
resources available that can help; know that whatever your situation,
you are not alone. There are many resources available that can help
you if you need it. If you are having a difficult time and are feeling
lost, know you can always talk to someone, whether it be a parent,
friend, religious leader, counselor, or anyone else in your life you can
trust. There are also people available to talk 24 hours a day if you
just need an ear to listen. For more information, checkout Planned
Parenthood, plannedparenthood.org, especially their Teen Wire
service thats made especially for us at www.plannedparenthood.org/
teen-talk/ask-experts-25532.htm; and teen hotlines are available at
www.safeteens101.org/teen_lines.html.
DI ET
How many of us have turned to the pages of a glossy magazine and
seen girls who are stick-thin and unblemished? I know I used to think
I was supposed to look like this every time I saw one of these images,
and it didnt feel good. Actually, this is one of the reasons I got on
my soul-searching journey to begin with. The fact is more and more
teen girls are turning to these magazines, as well as images on televi-
sion and the Internet for their idea of body image. But what I want
to know is, why do we need to look this way? So many of us struggle
with the way we look and lose sight of the fact that, as teenage girls,
we are more than just a body to look at. Our self-worth does not come
from outside attention, but from within when we truly love ourselves
for who we are, not for some ideal that makes girls hate themselves for
not weighing 90 pounds!
What do you think of when you hear the word diet? I know
girls in my elementary school who started dieting as early as 4th grade.
Does a fourth grader really need to be on a diet? There is something
wrong with this picture. How can we stop this cycle of negativity and
self-loathing? For some teens the pressure to be thin is so great that
Set Your Body Free 39
eating disorders develop. According to a recent study, Close to 5
percent of U.S. teenage girls and young adults suffer from some form
of eating disorderanorexia, bulimia, or binge eatingwith some
estimates placing that figure at more than twice that rate.
17
Whats
worse, there are sites out there that actually glorify eating disorders,
referring to bulimia and anorexia not as an illness, but as a lifestyle
choice.
18
It is important to get the facts: starving yourself is not a
healthy way to be. If you or someone you know is suffering from an
eating disorder, know that you are not alone and that there are orga-
nizations that can help. These include the National Eating Disorders
Organization, nationaleatingdisorders.org; and Eating Disorders
Anonymous, eatingdisordersanonymous.org. Dont be afraid to talk
to someone in your life about what youre going through, whether it
be a parent, counselor, or friend.
And then theres our schedules to deal with. As teens we are busier
than ever. Not only do we have school every day, but many of us also
participate in extracurricular activities like sports and clubs, as well as
part-time jobs. In fact we are often so over-scheduled that it can affect
our health in negative ways. One doctor from Georgetown University
Hospital named Anisha Abraham said more and more teen patients
she sees complain of similiar symptoms: exhaustion, headaches,
stomach problems, depression and irritability, a consequence of so
little free time.
19
Because were constantly on the go, its easy to fall into the trap of
snack food, fast food, soda, and energy drinks. Its also easy to forget
to eat, or to eat only when our parents put food in front of us. But
with growing older comes responsibility (yes, responsibility!). I know
youve probably heard this from your parents (believe me, I have) but
I hate to admit it, they have a point. We need to remember that no
matter how busy we are, we need to take the time to remember to take
care of ourselves. This may be as simple as packing a healthy lunch
instead of getting a burger and fries, or carrying a water bottle with
40 Soul Searchi ng
us to class instead of getting a soda on our break. The things we put
in our bodies are so important because when we make poor choices,
it can affect everything: our mood, our performance in school, and
our attention span.
As we listen to what our heart is telling us during this journey,
we may notice a little voice there that questions the things we have
been eating. While this voice is different for everyone, its impor-
tant to remember to get the facts on proper nutrition. Many teens
experiment with different diets at our age, from vegetarian to vegan
to gluten-free. You are in charge of what you eat and the way you
think about what eating the things you choose really means for
your community, your community, and the planet. Its an amazing
thing to make the choice to be in charge of our own ethics when it
comes to eating. But at the same time, its important to remember
what key nutrients and vitamins we need as teens to be our best,
most awake selves. Many vegans and vegetarians dont get enough
iron or calcium. A common rut that first-time vegetarians fall
What do YOU think?
For the most part, there is not one part of my body that I really want to change. Im happy
with the way it is right now. For me, I think Im the way Im supposed to look.
RACHAEL BENTSEN, AGE 15
I feel nowhere near as comfortable about my body as I did just a few years ago. The stereotype
of stick-thin equals beautiful is still strong. One of my friends and I were talking about this.
We looked at ourselves in the mirror and said, You know . . . I think society is getting to us.
I feel that every person should feel good about themselves, but part of the solution for this
would be to wipe out stereotypes.
ANONYMOUS
My body is the greatest instrument I could ever own. I use it at every opportunity I get, even
when its just dancing in my bedroom when my favorite song comes on the radio. Its such
a wonderful gift, why waste it?
EMMARIE HUETTEMAN, AGE 13
Set Your Body Free 41
into is having a diet that consists mainly of pasta, pizza, and other
convenience type foods,
20
cites one article on teen vegetarianism.
Its important to make sure we get enough of the right vitamins and
minerals because even though we feel grown up we are actually still
growing. Having a healthy, balanced diet will help us feel the best
we can, and give us energy for all the things we want to do! The best
way to do this is eat plenty of whole grains, fruits, and vegetables
(even if it sounds boring). Its also a good idea to eat less sugar and
drink as much water as possible.
There are many great cookbooks and recipes out there, many of
them written by teens! Here are some of my favorites.
Cooking Up a StormThe Teen Survival Cookbook,
by Sam Stern
Go For Your Life (lets you search by meal time,
ingredient, or recipe name to figure out the perfect recipe)
www.goforyourlife.vic.gov.au
Quick and Easy Recipes for Teens, by The Center for Young
Womens Health
Teens Cook Dessert, by Megan and Jill Carle
Teens Health (lists recipes by different diet choice or
condition, ranging from lactose intolerance to diabetes)
kidshealth.org/teen/recipes
EXERCI SE
Exercise is also important. Because, as a nation, we are less physically
active than we used to be, we are not as healthy as we used to be. In
fact, obesity in teens is one of the fastest growing teen health prob-
lems in America. . .with 14 percent of adolescents in the United States
(being) overweight.
21, 22
Getting exercise can be as easy as walking or
biking to school instead of driving or taking our dog for a walk around
42 Soul Searchi ng
the neighborhood. No matter what form we choose, taking care of
our bodies will not only give us more energy to tackle our busy lives,
but it will make us feel better, too. With clearer minds and stronger
bodies, we will be even more able to prepare and take part in our
soul-searching journey.
Believe it or not, exercise can also be a great tool for self-discovery.
When you play sports, you make both body and soul feel confident
and strong by focusing your mind on what your body can do. Did
you know that girls who exercise are more likely to get good grades,
feel happier, and be more confident? They are also less likely to get
involved in drugs, become pregnant during teenage years, and struggle
with depression. Exercising regularly will help you release stress, focus
your mind, increase your energy, and nourish your spirit. If youre
feeling frustrated or angry, a good workout may help you feel better,
because exercise produces endorphins. These chemicals in the human
body give us a sense of happiness, peace, and exhilaration. Exercise is
basically a natural high! So find something funbiking, roller-blading,
hiking, snowboarding, dancing, fencingand make your body and
soul feel better. Exercising for just 30 minutes, three times a week,
should do the trick.
YOGA
What is yoga? Although its a relatively new trend in America, people
have been practicing yoga in the East for thousands of years. Yoga is
a combination of meditation and exercise that is done through vari-
ous stretching poses. The word yoga means union of body and mind.
Yoga can help you learn to focus your mind sharply on your bodys
needs and feelings.
Although yoga is relatively simple to do, the benefits are amaz-
ing. It calms your mind, tones your muscles, increases flexibility, and
improves the alignment of your body so that energy can flow freely.
Set Your Body Free 43
Yoga gurus know that when we are feeling mental or spiritual stress, it
is reflected in our bodies. To prove this to yourself, just think of how
tight your shoulders become when you are cramming for a big test.
Yoga poses help us increase our control over our bodies while releasing
the tension in our muscles. You will be amazed at how this releases
mental stress at the same time!
Starting Out
Some of the basic yoga moves can be learned at home without much
trouble. Yoga requires few supplies and can benefit everyone, regardless
of how flexible. A soft yoga mat or towel, loose clothing, and calming
music can all be helpful. Also, your muscles loosen up better if the
room is warm.
As you do these poses, it is very important to listen to your body
and be careful with yourself. In gym or ballet, you might have stretched
your muscles as far as they could possibly go. But in yoga, the emphasis
is not on stretching the farthest. It is much more important that you
keep your body in the correct posture and alignment. Be patient and
gentle with yourself! Dont ever push your muscles to the point of pain.
Instead, focus on keeping your back straight, your shoulders relaxed,
and your joints open and aligned. Listen to your own body and try
not to compare yourself to anyone else.
Beginning the Poses
Hatha yoga, the yoga of the body, involves warming up for a few
minutes of relaxation in the Corpse Pose, before moving on to other
poses, called asanas.
Corpse Pose. You may have already guessed how to do this pose, just
by the name. Lie flat on your back, arms out at your sides with palms
facing up. Breathe deeply (as described in Chapter 4) and relax. Stretch
out your spine as though someone were pulling your head away from
44 Soul Searchi ng
your feet. Imagine your weight sinking deeper and deeper into the
floor. Focus on relaxing each part of your body, starting at your feet
and moving up toward your head. When you reach your face, focus on
relaxing your throat, cheeks, eyes, and scalp in turn. As you enter deep
relaxation, feel your mind growing clear and calm. When you have
spent about five minutes in the Corpse Pose, you will be ready to begin
other poses. I like to start by gently shrugging my shoulders, circling
my neck, and flexing my legs. Here are three beginning poses to try:
Cat Pose (Vidalasana). This pose is known for aiding digestion and
relieving stomach and menstrual cramps. Begin by kneeling on all
fours. Your knees and hands should be shoulder width apart, with your
arms and thighs perpendicular to the floor. Look up towards the wall.
Inhale by making a hissing sound with your mouth. Then arch your
back like a cat while lowering your head.
Hold the pose and your breath for a few
moments, then return to your original
position. Repeat this pose three times.
Triangle Pose (Trikonasana). The triangle
pose is great for improving circulation
and muscle tone. In a standing position,
spread your legs about three feet apart.
Feet should point straight ahead of you.
Bend at the waist and twist to the left as
Cat Pose 1 Cat Pose 2
Triangle Pose
Set Your Body Free 45
you stretch your right-hand fingers to touch your right toe and your left
hand reaches for the sky. Make sure to keep your knees straight during
this pose. If your hamstrings are tight, put a book next to your foot,
and rest your hand there instead of on the floor. As you relax into the
pose, slowly turn your neck to look up at your left hand and hold for a
few moments. Slowly return to your original standing position. Repeat
this pose three times for each side of the body.
Downward Facing Dog Pose (Uttanasana). You can use the dog pose to
relieve nervousness, anxiety, and depression. Begin in a standing posi-
tion, feet together. As you exhale a breath, bend forward and place the
palms of your hands on the
floor (or as low as feels com-
fortable) and as close to your
feet as you can. Lift your head
to look ahead of you and take
several breaths. Then exhale
and gently move your upper
body closer to your legs until you feel a nice stretch in your hamstrings.
Breathe. Hold this position for several moments. Then lift your head
again and take two deep breaths. Slowly return to a standing position.
When you are done with the poses you wish to do, end your practice
by reentering the Corpse Pose.
Finding a Class
These poses should get you started. If you like them, there are hundreds
of other yoga poses you can learn through books, videos, and classes
(see the resources below and at the end of this chapter). The Internet
also offers neat opportunities for expanding your yoga knowledge, from
websites to guided classes on YouTube. It is probably best to attend a
class if you are really serious about practicing yoga. A good instructor
and a safe, nurturing environment can help you reach the full benefits
Downward Facing Dog Pose
46 Soul Searchi ng
of yoga. If there is a teen yoga class near you, I would definitely recom-
mend it, because learning yoga with your peers (especially other girls)
can be an amazing experience. You can find yoga classes through the
phone book, health food stores, fitness centers, community
colleges, word of mouth, or contact this organization for
yoga classes in your area:
The American Yoga Association
P.O. Box 19986
Sarasota, Florida 34276
Phone: (941) 927-4977
Web: americanyogaassociation.org
e-mail: info@americanyogaassociation.org
MASSAGE
Massage is another wonderful way to heal and celebrate your body.
The act of massaging muscles helps to increase circulation, stretch
ligaments and tendons, cleanse toxins, and relieve painnot to men-
tion relax you! But have you realized that massage can also affect
your emotions? Spiritually, during a massage, we can feel an intense
sensation of compassion and positive energy.
Although professional massages can cost a lot of money, you can
do it at home for free. I am sure that you know the basics of massage.
Here are a few pointers to help you, whether you are massaging yourself
or treating a friend.
1. Many people around the world believe that massaging the feet
and hands will actually benefit the whole body. Hand and
foot massages are probably the easiest types of massage to give
yourself. Before you start, soak your feet in warm water.
Set Your Body Free 47
2. Always massage toward the heart. By massaging toward the
heart, you can improve your bodys blood circulation and relax
your muscles.
3. Use aromatherapy. Scented oils and incenses can help you and
your muscles relax deeply.
4. Try slightly warming up some scented massage oil in the
microwave. This will also help your fingers move easily over
the skin.
5. Try different motions with your hands. Make gentle circles. Use
your knuckles. Try tapping lightly with the sides of your hands.
6. As you push up with the balls of your hands, clench the loose
skin gently with your fingers. Pretend that you are kneading
pizza dough! Get creative and discover what feels best to you.
YOU DESERVE A SPA TREATMENT
Suppose youve tried yoga, youve tried foot massage, and yet youre
still nervous about that upcoming final. Your neck is in knots and
youre exhausted from all the studying. Its obviously time to pamper
your body! You dont need to go to a real spa in order to hold a day of
healing. The following spa activities are fun and relaxing, but they also
send an important message to your body and soul: they say that you
care about your needs and you want to fulfill them. A spa treatment
gives you quiet time to relax, step away from life, and focus on what
you and your body are really feeling. As you do these activities, you
may also want to try some breathing or meditation exercises (see the
next chapter). Listen to your body and do whatever it takes to relax
and clear your mind.
48 Soul Searchi ng
Reflexology
For over 5,000 years, people have used reflexology to stimulate overall
body health and release tension. There are even paintings of the ancient
Egyptians practicing reflexology to cure illness. Reflexology is the belief
that certain areas of your feet correspond to different parts of your body,
and that by massaging those areas of the feet, you can stimulate or heal
the related parts of the body.
But you dont have to be an ancient Chinese master to benefit from
foot massage. If you have a big test coming up, gently pinch your toes to
stimulate your brain.
HEAD & BRAIN
EYES
EARS
DIAPHRAGM
INTESTINES
BLADDER
LIVER
HEART
NOSE,
MOUTH,
THROAT






















































S
P
I
N
E
LUNG
SHOULDER/
ARM LINE
Set Your Body Free 49
If youre feeling queasy, try massaging the arch of your left foot to relieve
the stomachache.Offer your mom a foot massage after a long day at work
or experiment on your friends to see which pressure points work best.
(Beware, this may be challenging for people who are particularly ticklish!)
Begin by moving your thumb and fingers softly along the sides of each
foot. Then stimulate the different pressure points with a firm and gentle
massage. Follow the reflexology chart and work your way through all the
different regions of the foot, starting with the head (toes) and working your
way down to the intestines (heel), until youve covered pressure points for
the entire body. Gently squeeze each foot when youre finished.
BRAIN & HEAD
NOSE,
NECK,
THROAT
HEART
BLADDER
INTESTINES
STOMACH
DIAPHRAGM
LUNG
SHOULDER/
ARM
EYES
EARS
S
P
I
N
E
50 Soul Searchi ng
Starting Your Retreat
To begin a spa treatment, find a quiet time in the day when you wont
be bothered. Let your family know that youd like some time to your-
self when they wont interrupt you. Place all reminders of reality out
of sightyour homework, your calendar, your phone, and your list
of errands. Put a kettle of water on the stove and make yourself some
tea. Now, let the good times roll!
Beautiful Baths
There are tons of fun things you can do to melt away stress. I happen
to think the best way to start is with a warm bath. When I was little,
I spent hours in the tub, playing with plastic toys and soap suds. I had
so much fun! Then I moved on to taking showers because they were
faster, and the magical world of the bath became a distant memory.
Recently, I have rediscovered this simple pleasure. Ive been concoct-
ing special bath recipes that change my tub from a childhood playpen
into an elegant relaxation haven. Here are some bath recipes you can
use to kick off your relaxation-fest:
The Out-At-Sea Bath. This exfoliating bath leaves you with soft, lovely skin,
and brings the regenerative properties of the ocean right to your own bathroom.
What do YOU think?
My body feels great after a good work-out, even when Im sweaty, dirty, and tired. Exercise
gives me a wonderful feeling of energy and strength. When I cant get out and exercise, I
stretch, whether its reaching my arms back over my head while Im sitting or doing a series
of athletic stretches.
EMMARIE HUETTEMAN, AGE 13
Yoga makes my body feel great. Its the one thing that never fails to make my body and brain
feel calm, controlled, and strong.
CAITLIN DWYER, AGE 16
Set Your Body Free 51
As you fill the bathtub with comfortably warm (not hot) water,
slowly add a cup full of sea salts (you can find these at an aromatherapy
store or even a pharmacy). Save a bit of the salt, and use it to rub over
your body before entering the bath. After soaking for about ten min-
utes, take a body brush or loofah and stroke your skin in an upward
motion, brushing toward your head. When youre ready to get out,
take a quick rinse in a cool shower. This is one of the most invigorat-
ing and energizing experiences youll ever have!
The Romantics Bath. This bath not only leaves your skin more supple and
smooth, but it will leave you feeling dreamy and creative!
Pour in some coconut oil under the heat of your running bath
water, adding a few drops of your favorite essential oil (also available at
aromatherapy stores). Rose, sandalwood, or rosemary work particularly
well, and can be purchased at most health food stores. Sprinkle some
rose petals into the water and soak, pretending you are a spoiled princess!
The Sweet Dreams Bath. This one is best to do in the evening,
after a tough day. It is supposed to bring you relaxation and
peaceful dreams.
While preparing a warm bath, toss in three chamo-
mile tea bags and ten drops of lavender essential oil. After the tea bags
have steeped in the bath water, enter the bath and remove the tea bags,
placing them on your closed eyelids. Position some scented candles
or incense nearby and breathe deeply, letting any tension in your
body dissolve.
Fabulous Facials
The muscles on your face do a lot of work during the day. They
help you express all your words and emotions, but get very little
thanks in return. Pampering your face is a great way to thank
your body. Although you could waste your money on expensive
52 Soul Searchi ng
facials or skin creams, there are plenty of natural remedies you can
make at home without much hassle. Did you know that honey is
a great moisturizer? Were you aware that oatmeal is the perfect
exfoliator, and lemon juice is a safe, natural hair lightener? Its
about time you learned some of historys oldest spa secrets. The
following recipes will get you started:
Steamy Herbal Facial
Youll Need:
Boiling water
Large bowl
Dried herbs (rosemary, thyme, or even flower petals)
A clean towel
Heres How: Put a tea kettle of water on the stove to boil. When the
water is ready, carefully pour the hot water into a bowl on your counter.
What would YOU do
for a Spa Party?
My friends and I would light aromatherapy candles, put cucumbers on our eyes, and play
outside in the rain.
ALYSSA LOTT, AGE 13
If any time of year merits a spa party, final exam time would be it. Id invite my friends over
for a study session, but make sure they wore their pajamas so they could concentrate
better. Once they arrived, Id lock their books in a closet and give them books from the 70s
on homemade beauty recipes. There would be two rules at the party: all attendees must be
relaxed at all times, and they may not worry about anything other than what goes into the
banana face cream.
EMMARIE HUETTEMAN, AGE 13
Wed give and receive massages, paint our nails, do face masks, read inspirational and
interesting passages from our favorite authors, and do yoga.
MOLLY BRANNAN, AGE 16
Set Your Body Free 53
Now add a handful of dried herbs or flowers. Make sure your hair is out
of your face, and put a towel over your head. Lower your face carefully
towards the water. Dont get too close, of course, and test the steams
heat with your hand first! Use the towel as if it were a tent trapping the
steam between you and the bowl. Close your eyes and let your head hover
over the basin of fragrant, steaming water for five to ten minutes. Your
pores will slowly open up and begin to sweat a little, as if you were in
a sauna. Enjoy the heat and calming scents. When you are done, rinse
your face with a gentle cleanser and splash with cool water to re-close
your pores. Moisturize and enjoy the clean, fresh feeling of your skin.
Super-Sweet Face Mask
Youll Need:
2 tablespoons honey
1 egg yolk
warm wash cloth
Heres How: Didnt I tell you that honey is a great natural moisturizer?
It makes a great face mask for dry skin, especially when combined with
an egg yolk. Mix these ingredients together in a bowl, apply mixture
to your face (avoiding the eye area) and let it sit for five to ten minutes.
Then gently rinse away with a warm wash cloth. Voilsoft, smooth,
honey-smelling skin!
Grapefruit and Oatmeal Scrub
Youll Need:
1 tablespoon pure grapefruit juice
3-4 tablespoons plain oatmeal
warm wash cloth
Heres How: Mix the grapefruit juice and oatmeal into a fine paste.
Smooth it over your face, leaving it there for fifteen minutes. When
54 Soul Searchi ng
the time is up, use your warm washcloth or your wet fingertips to
massage the scrub over your face. Rinse off with cool water. This face
mask is a great cleansing scrub for normal to oily skin.
LI STEN TO YOUR BODY
There are so many fun ways to honor your body, I cant possibly cover
them all in one chapter. Get creative when it comes to self-indulgence.
Turn on beautiful music and dance. Make a steam room for yourself
by closing the door to the bathroom and running a hot shower. Give
yourself a pedicure. Do any exercise that feels good! During a stress-
ful time, have a spa party and invite all your friends to relax together
and help pamper each other. Use massage and yoga to help you, or ask
friends to share their best relaxation tips. As feminist Gloria Steinem
once wrote, If we bless our bodies, they will bless us. Listening to your
body and learning to honor and love it is a crucial part of soul searching.
FURTHER RESOURCES
Everything You Need to Know About Yoga: An Introduction for
Teens, by Stefanie Iris Weiss
Natural Home Spa, by Sian Rees
Living Yoga: A.M./P.M. Yoga for Beginners Set, Living Yoga
(Primary Contributor), et al, videotape
Throw Like a Girl: Discovering the Body, Mind, and Spirit of
the Athlete in You! by Shelley Frost and Ann Troussieux
Water Magic: Healing Bath Recipes for the Body, Spirit, and
Soul, by Mary Muryn
Set Your Body Free 55
When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies: Freeing Yourself from
Food and Weight Obsession, by Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol
H. Munter
Yoga for Teens: How to Improve Your Fitness, Confidence,
Appearance, and HealthAnd Have Fun Doing It! by Thia
Luby
Eating Disorders Anonymous
Eatingdisordersanonymous.org
Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network
glsen.org
Lyric
lyric.org
National Eating Disorders Organization
Nationaleatingdisorders.org
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
Community.pflag.org
Planned Parenthood
plannedparenthood.org
SafeTeens101
www.safeteens101.org/teen_lines.html
Sex, Etc.
www.sexetc.org
56 Soul Searchi ng
END NOTES
10. Homeless Gay Teens by Ellen Friedrichs, About.com, http://gayteens.
about.com/od/safetytips/a/homeless.htm
11. Rutgers Tyler Clementi 4th Gay Teen Suicide in September by GLAAD,
Opposing Views (Sept. 30, 2010), http://www.opposingviews.com/i/
rutgers-tyler-clementi-4th-gay-teen-suicide-in-september
12. 2009 National School Climate Survey: Nearly 9 out of 10 LGBT Students
Experience Harassment in School by GLSEN (Sept. 14, 2010), http://
www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/2624.html
13. Dan Savage Tells LGBT Youth It Gets Better by Joseph Erbentraut (Sept.
22, 2010) Chicagoist, http://chicagoist.com/2010/09/22/dan_savage_
tells_lgbt_youth_it_gets.php
14. Ellen DeGeneres Devastated over Rutgers Student Suicide by
Dahvi Shira, (Sept. 30, 2010) People, http://www.people.com/people/
article/0,,20430930,00.html
15. Girl guides warning: Pressure to be sexy leads under-14s to self-harm by
Martin Beckford, Social Affairs Correspondent, (July 13, 2008) http://
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2403651/Girl-guides-warning-
Pressure-to-be-sexy-leads-under-14s-to-self-harm.html
16. Dating Violence, Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence, http://
www.acadv.org/dating.html
17. Under pressure: Are teen girls facing too much? by Dr. Stephen Hinshaw,
Today Books, (Feb. 10, 2009) http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/29055786
18. Pro-Anorexia Websites Glorify Eating Disorders Starved For Attention
by Dreamer, (June 24, 2009) Tollie Schmidt Dream-Infused Life, http://
tollieschmidt.com/pro-anorexia-websites-glorify-eating-disorders-starved-
for-attention/
19. Too-Busy Teens Feel Health Toll by Sandra G. Boodman, (July 15, 2008)
The Washington Post, http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/
story/2008/07/14/ST2008071401579.html
20. Becoming a Teen Vegetarian, Kidzworld, http://www.kidzworld.com/
article/3002-becoming-a-teen-vegetarian
21. Teens and Obesity, Professors House, http://www.professorshouse.com/
family/children/teens-and-obesity.aspx
22. Teen Obesity Statistics, Troubled Teen 101, http://www.troubledteen101.
com/articles42.html