INTRODUCTION of Anger MGNT

INTRODUCTION
How we deal with stress, disappointments, and frustration determines the essence of our personality. In this project we consider frustration and aggression. Anger may do more harm than any other emotion. First of all it is very common and, secondly, it upsets at least two people--the aggressor and the aggressed against. There are two problems: how to prevent or control your own anger and how to handle someone aggressing against you. This project attends more to self-control. The overall effects of anger are enormous .Frustration tells us "I'm not getting what I want" and eventually anger is related to violence, crime, spouse and child abuse, divorce, stormy relationships, poor working conditions, poor physical health (headaches, hypertension, GI disturbances, heart attacks), emotional disorders, and so on. Just how widespread is hostility? Very! Psychology today asked, "If you could secretly push a button and thereby eliminate any person with no repercussions to yourself, would you press that button?" 69% of responding males said yes, 56% of women. Men would most often kill the U. S. president or some public figure; women would kill bosses, exhusbands or ex-boyfriends and former partners of current lovers. Great atrocities are attributed to crazed men--Hitler, Stalin, terrorists, etc. But, several psychological studies cited in this suggest that ordinary people can rather easily become evil enough to discriminate against, hurt, and brutalize others. Likewise, It isn't just the prejudiced and deranged that brutalize. There is scary evidence that almost all of us might, under the right conditions, develop a tolerance or a rationalization for injustice. Even the most moral among us may look the other way. We strongly resist
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thinking of ourselves as potentially mean, but we have no trouble believing that others are immoral. Boys and men are much more likely to carry a weapon than a female, but don't assume that only men act violently. Recent studies suggest that college (not high school) women are more likely than men to kick, push, bite, and slap in anger, especially when they are jealous. Hostile, aggressive young people tend to come from broken, angry, violent homes. We will study more about how anger develops. Is it innate? Anger can be the result of hurt pride, of unreasonable expectations, or of repeated hostile fantasies. Besides getting our way, we may unconsciously use anger to blame others for our own shortcomings, to justify oppressing others, to boost our own sagging egos, to conceal other feelings, and to handle other emotions (as when we become aggressive when we are afraid). Any situation that frustrates us, especially when we think someone else is to blame for our loss, is a potential trigger for anger and aggression. So, what is frustration? It is the feeling we get when we don't get what we want, when something interferes with our gaining a desired and expected goal. It can be physical (a flat tire), our own limitations
(paralysis after an accident), our choices (an unprepared for and flunked exam), others' actions (parental restrictions or torturing a political prisoner), others' motives (deception for a self-serving purpose), or society's injustice (born into poverty and finding no way out). Anger is feeling mad in response to frustration or injury. You don't like what has happened and usually you'd like to get revenge. Anger is an emotional-physiological-cognitive internal state; it is separate from the behavior it might prompt. In some instances, angry emotions are beneficial; if we are being taken advantage of, anger motivates us to take action (not necessarily aggressive) to correct the situation. Aggression is
action, i.e. attacking someone or a group. It is intended to harm someone. It can be a verbal attack--insults, threats, sarcasm, or attributing nasty motives to them--or a physical punishment or restriction. What about thoughts and fantasies in which we humiliate or brutally assault our enemies? Is that aggression? What about violent dreams? Such thoughts and dreams suggest anger, of course, but are not aggression as I have defined it here. Anger can be distinguished from hostility which is a chronic state of anger. Anger is a temporary response, which we all have, to a particular frustrating situation; hostility is a permanent personality characteristic which certain people have. Anger is probably the most poorly handled emotion in our society. From time to time, all of us experience this powerful feeling. Anger can be our friend or enemy; it depends on the way in which we choose to express it. Knowing how to recognize and express it appropriately can help us to reach our goals, solve problems, handle emergencies, and protect our health. A failure to recognize and understand one's anger can lead to a variety of personal difficulties.
Anger: What Is It? And Why?

Anger is one of the most misunderstood and overused of human emotions. 1. Anger is a reaction to an inner emotion and not a planned action. 2. Anger is easier to show: everyone gets angry. 3. The feelings underlying the anger reaction make us feel vulnerable and weak; anger makes us feel, at least momentarily, strong and in control. 4. Angry behaviors are learned over the life-span and therefore can be unlearned and replaced with healthier patterns of coping. 5. Anger can be an immediate reaction to an isolated event or it can be a response after numerous events. 6. To repress anger is unhealthy and yet to express it impulsively, as we so often do, may give momentary relief but inevitably will carry negative consequences. To alter our angry responses, we need to understand from where it comes. There are a variety of factors that increase the probability of an anger reaction. 1. If we have seen our parents get angry first and resolve an issue after, we are more likely to use the same approach. Thus, types of anger are learned. 2. If we are frustrated and feel stressed, we are more likely to react with anger. 3. If we are tired, we are more prone to react in an angry fashion. 4. If we tend to hold our feelings inside rather than talk them out, we are more likely to have an angry outburst as the pressure increase much like a pressure cooker. We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problemsproblems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as
though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This project is meant to help you understand and control anger.
What is Anger? The Nature of Anger Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spiel Berger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. Expressing Anger The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertivenot aggressivemanner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs
are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others. Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inwardon yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a
personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships. Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside. As Dr. Spiel Berger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someoneor somethingis going to get hurt."
HIDDEN ANGER
Anger is frequently a concealed or disguised emotion. And why not? Getting mad is scary... and potentially dangerous. One common way of expressing suppressed anger has been given a special name: passive-aggressiveness. For example, such a person may be "tired," unresponsive, act like he/she "doesn't understand," be late frequently, exaggerate others' faults, pretend to agree ("sure, whatever"), be tearful, be argumentative, be forgetful, deny anger ("nothing's wrong"),etc. There is another related form of concealed anger: feeling like a victim. Feeling victimized assumes that someone or some situation has mistreated you. But a person who specializes in constantly feeling like a victim may not identify or accuse his/her abuser. Instead, he/she generally feels that the world is against him/her, that others vaguely intend to make him/her miserable. Victims usually feel helpless; therefore, they take little responsibility for what has happened to them. They think they were terribly mistreated in the past but they now seem unable to accept love and support, e.g. if you offer them help, they never get enough or if you try to cheer them up, it seldom works. A victim is much more likely to sulk, pout, look unhappy, or lay a guilt trip on something than to get angry. They play games: "Why does it always happen to me?" or "Yes, but" (no one's ideas or suggestions will do any good). The self-pitying, pessimistic, sad, jealous victim is surely sitting on a mass of hostility.
How angry are you?

There are so many frustrations in our daily lives; one could easily become chronically irritated. Perhaps more important than the variety of things that anger us, is (1) the intensity of our anger and (2) the degree of control we have over our anger. That is, how close are we to losing control? How much of a temper do you have? Ask yourself these kinds of questions: Do you have a quick or a hot temper? Do you suppress or hide your anger (passive-aggressive or victim)? Do you get irritated when someone gets in your way? Fails to give you credit for your work? Criticizes your looks or opinions or work? Gives themselves advantages over you? Do you get angry at yourself when you make a foolish mistake? Do poorly in front of others? Put off important things? Do something against your morals or better judgment? Do you drink alcohol or use drugs? Do you get angry or mellow when you are high? Research clearly shows that alcohol and drugs are linked with aggression. Drinking decreases our judgment and increases our impulsiveness, so watch out. You probably have a pretty accurate picture of your temper. But check your opinion against the opinion of you held by relatives and friends. There also are several tests that measure anger.
Anger: Be angry, not mad!

Feeling anger and pain is part of being human, but it's important to handle these emotions in a manner that is not self-destructive. As children, all of us have expressed anger in ways that have hurt us more than it hurt the person we were angry with. Some of us may have refused to eat a meal, or purposefully broken our favorite toy, or stubbornly refused to go out to play even though we desperately wanted to. We thought we were punishing others by engaging in selfdepriving behaviour and in the process derived a sense of revenge. Such behaviour served the purpose of letting the concerned adults in our lives know that we were angry, hurt and upset because, as children, we do not necessarily know how to experience and express our anger. Perhaps, the helplessness we experienced with our strong feeling of anger came out in a self-punitive manner. For the most part, as we grow up, we learn to abandon this helpless and self-destructive manner of venting our anger. This is not to say that we must learn not to experience anger. Feeling of anger, annoyance, irritation, hurt and disappointment are natural byproducts of being human and living in a human world. How well we learn to handle these feelings in a manner that is least destructive to others and ourselves is related to our emotional and psychological maturity. Age alone or our level of formal education does not automatically equip us with ways of handling anger. There are several instances of misdirected anger in our lives - the times when we refuse to eat meals to punish others, or maintain a haughty silence to get even or when the husband gets drunk at a party and acts obnoxiously to get back at his wife. Unfortunately, we can take self-destructive expression of anger to an extreme. Often suicide fantasies or actual attempts are a misguided way of punishing the ones we are angry with. We believe that by harming our lives we will finally make people realize how badly they have treated us. Sadly, we forget that we are dangerously playing with the most precious and fragile gift - our life.
Indirect and self-destructive expression of anger may have some effect on others in the short run (assuming that they are aware of the implications of our behaviour), however, the fact remains that we alone pay the price of our behaviour in the long run. The effect of the emotional blackmail that we impose on others by our behaviours is short-lived 'coz
others get tired of being manipulated repeatedly. Our feelings of anger do not get shared with the ones we are angry with, there is no understanding of each other and hence no chance of us learning to move beyond them. That is when we get stuck with a long list of how we were wronged by others which we keep going through our minds making us more miserable. As adults we are no longer helpless in dealing with our feelings. One aspect of emotional maturity is the ability to rationally analyse situations that make us angry, and taking the time to acknowledge our anger as well as deciding how we can explain that anger in a way that does not damage ourselves or others. Anger, when it is dealt with in relationships through open and honest discussions, can serve to deepen the relationship, bring people together and above all, increase our level of self-awareness and inner security.
THE FOUR FACES of ANGER

"How many people grew up in families where it truly felt safe and secure expressing your angry feelings as well as being the target of other people's angry feelings?" In a room of fifty to a hundred people, I got less than a handful of people, and even some of those seem to be wavering more than waving confidently. Most of us didn't have many "healthy anger" role models. But "anger," like most things in real life, including the short-sited proverbial glass, is often double-edged -- neither half empty nor half full but half empty and half full. The Four Angry "I"s 1. Injustice. A rule of conduct, a cherished belief or instrumental goal is being threatened or abused; you see yourself (also others with whom you are psychologically dependent or connected) as a victim of an injustice, unfairness or disloyalty. 2. Injury. You feel disrespected, discarded or ignored; there's a sense of insult and humiliation along with injury -- often psychological, at times also physical. 3. Invasion. Your freedom, autonomy, boundary and personal space are perceived to be constricted, disrupted or violated; your identity and bodily and/or psychological integrity are being threatened or attacked. 4. Intention. There is an energy and determination to do something about the above injustices, injuries and invasions; you are ready -- reflexively and/or purposefully -- to challenge the status quo. So anger is a potential range of feelings, from irritation and determination to outrage and fury. Its breadth, depth, intensity and interactive potential are often forged by how one looks at the world through his or her "Four Angry 'I's."
Consequences of Anger
The more complicated your life gets -- the more people you interact with on a daily basis -- the more incidents occur that can irritate, annoy, provoke, incense, madden, infuriate, and enrage. Anger and all its cousins are permanent occupants of your emotional menage. Anger is normal but Most people don't enjoy feeling angry. It's uncomfortable -- even more uncomfortable if you lash out and someone gets hurt or angry back. Anger can have unpleasant repercussions and destructive consequences for everyone concerned. Repressing anger -- keeping it bottled up inside -- can cause headaches, back pain, nausea, or other symptoms. "Letting it all out" isn't good for you either. Anger in hard driving .Some personalities has been associated with coronary heart disease and sudden death. Anger can lead to full-blown conflict, damaged relationships, even aggressive or violent acts. Emotionally-driven automatic responses are usually learned in childhood, so by adulthood reacting angrily can be a habit. Plus it's easy: Clench your fists, tighten your muscles, turn red in the face, and yell. The payoffs are pretty obvious: momentary relief coupled with the appearance of being in control. Its a hormone thing... According to Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Bantam, 1995) threats to life, security, and self-esteem trigger a two-part limbic surge: First, hormones called catecholamine are released, generating a rush of energy that lasts for minutes. Second, an adrenocortical arousal is created that can put you on edge and keep you there for hours, sometimes days. This explains why you are more likely to erupt in anger over something relatively innocuous if the incident is preceded by an earlier upsetting experience. Though the two events may be completely unrelated, the anger generated by the second incident builds on the anger left over from the first.
Understanding Anger
The nature of the organism? Freud came to believe in a death or aggressive instinct because he saw so much violence, sadism, war, and suicide. Konrad Lorenz (1966) believed that species, both animal and human, survived by having an aggressive instinct which protected their territory and young, and insured only the strongest individuals survived. The sociobiologists, noting the frequency we go to war, also suggest that we have inherited an aggressive nature, a tendency to lash out at anything that gets in our way, a need to dominate and control. Research has shown that stimulation of certain parts of animals' brains leads to aggression. Stimulation of other parts stops aggression. We don't know how this works. In 1966, Charles Whitman killed his wife and mother because "I do not consider this world worth living in...", then climbed a tower on the University of Texas campus and fired his rifle at 38 people. He killed 14 before being killed. An autopsy revealed a large tumor in the limbic system of his brain (where the aggression "centers" are in animal brains). Abnormal systems have been found among repeat offenders and aggressive people. So, aggression may sometimes have a physical basis. Aggression may also have a chemical, hormonal, or genetic basis too. A large survey of adopted children has found that living with an adoptive parent who committed crimes is less risky than merely having the genes from a person who committed crimes. Other physiological factors seem to be involved. Examples: high testosterone (male sex hormone) is associated with more unfaithfulness, more sex, more divorce, more competitiveness, and anti-social behavior. It is also known that a viral infection, called rabies, causes violent behavior. About 90% of women report being irritable before menstruation. Furthermore, 50% of all crimes by women in prison
occurred during their menstrual period or premenstrual period. By chance only 29% of crimes would have occurred during those eight days. Low blood sugar increases during the premenstrual period and it causes irritability. About 3 times in a 1000 a male inherits an extra X or Y chromosome, so they are XYY or XXY, instead of XY. At one time it was thought that XYY and XXY males committed more violent crimes. Now it appears that this isn't true but these males are arrested earlier and more often. So we can't forget our inheritance. There is so much we do not know yet. In all of these possibilities--instinct, heredity, hormones, or brain dysfunction--the aggression occurs without apparent provocation from the environment (although there is almost always a "target"). According to some of these theories, the need or urge to be aggressive is boiling within each of us and seeks opportunities to express itself. There is also clear evidence that alcohol consumption and hotter temperatures release aggression, but no one thinks there is something in alcohol or heat that generates meanness.
UNDERSTANDING ANGER: THEORIES AND FACTS

Frustration leads to aggression Any observer of human emotions recognizes that certain circumstances and actions by others seem to make us mad. When we are intentionally hurt, insulted, cheated, deceived, or made fun of--all these things arouse anger and aggression and distrustful people have more of these experiences. In each case we had hoped for more-for more consideration, more fairness, more understanding. We were frustrated, i.e. prevented from achieving some desired goal. Some theorists believe that anger just naturally results from frustration. This is called the frustration-aggression hypothesis. Our frustration will be more intense if our goal is highly desirable, if we "get close" to our goal and expect to get it, if the barrier to our goal unexpectedly appears and seems unjustified or unfair, and if we "take things personally". There are several physiological reactions that accompany frustration, including higher blood pressure, sweating, and greater energy. Some of us explode, others swallow feelings. Our blood pressure sometimes goes up more when we explode, at other times it goes up more when we swallow the feelings, depending on the situation. The more physiologically damaging anger reactions seem to occur under two extreme conditions, namely, when we feel utterly helpless, or, the opposite, when we have overly optimistic expectations of reaching unreachable goals. It is obvious that even though we are frustrated and feel angry, we may not become aggressive--not if such a response might result in our being injured or rejected or fired. Yet, if you think of anger as a drive, an urge inside striving for expression, then merely deciding to placate your boss or an obnoxious football player doesn't do anything to reduce your anger (indeed, probably increases it). We can learn to control our anger but as a basic drive it remains there seeking some expression.
There are two implications (both seriously questioned recently): 1. The unexpressed anger will spill out in other directions (displacement). For example, a teenage boy who was unable to go on a trip because his friend had a cold. Not long after this he got into a big fight with his little sister. This displaced aggression is directed away from the real target and towards a safer target, called a scapegoat. This provides a partial release of the pent up frustration but the initial disappointment may never be admitted and experienced fully. Indeed, displacement can also be a defense against recognizing the real source of anger. 2. When the angry feelings build up inside, presumably like pressure in a hydraulic system, it is thought by many therapists to be relieving to express the feelings and get them completely "off your chest." This is called venting or catharsis, a cleansing of the system. Early in Freuds (scientists) career, psychoanalytic therapy depended heavily on catharsis-uncovering old emotional traumas and venting those feeling until we had some understanding of the internal stress and a thorough draining of the pent up emotions. It is a popular and common notion that feelings need to
be expressed openly and completely. Clearly, when a child wants something he/she can't have, it is likely to cry, get angry, and even hit, i.e. vent feelings. We may not like it, but we see the frustration as an understandable reaction. However, considerable recent research has been interpreted in such a way as to raise doubts about the value of trying to drain off our anger. First of all, it became pretty clear that watching violent behavior (films, TV, sports) carried out by others increases our own aggressive responses rather than draining off our anger. It seems reasonable that seeing aggression acted out on the screen might provide a model and some encouragement to an already angry person. Certainly, watching
a film is not the same as a catharsis in therapy, where a painful, personal experience is relived in full fury with the specific intention of emptying the person of toxic venom (anger). Being aggressive and mean towards someone who has angered us does make us feel better but also make us more inclined to hurt them even more lately. Why is this? Probably because being hostile is easier the second time and still easier the 100th time; you've overcome your inhibitions against aggression; you've learned about aggression and its payoffs. But there are other reasons. Scientists point out that our negative feelings increase towards another person or group as we hurt them. The snowballing effect between thoughts and actions goes like this: "We are hurting them. We are decent people. Therefore, they must be bad." So we put them down more, justifying hurting them more, leading to more negative thoughts about them, etc. This mental put down-behavioral violence cycle occurs in abuse and in prejudice, which we will consider in more detail later. Conclusions about catharsis Is catharsis helpful or harmful? The problem is, as I see it, that catharsis can mean many things. Several scientists have sloppily accepted many diverse acts as being "catharsis" and prematurely concluded that all kinds of catharsis are ineffective or harmful. What the behaviorists call catharsis (almost any expression or even observation of emotion) is hardly therapeutic catharsis. For instance, Tavris clearly equates a dirty, abusive, vicious marital fight with catharsis. Unfortunately, this equation is naive and implies that therapists using catharsis might even advocate abusive violence. What is catharsis in therapy? Well, most psychotherapists would say it was the expression of repressed (unconsciously held back) feelings that are causing problems. Sometimes the initial traumatic situation (often from childhood) is vividly relived, called an abreaction. Some psychotherapists would consider catharsis to be the intense expression (in therapy or alone) of conscious or unconscious
emotions for the specific purpose of feeling better, gaining insight, and reducing the unwanted emotion. It doesn't involve watching a model of aggression; it never involves actually hurting someone. Example:Published descriptions of therapy provide thousands of examples of
catharsis. Here's one. In the early 1880's, Josef Breuer, Freud's friend, was treating a bright, attractive young lady, Anna O. Among many other symptoms, she had a phobia of drinking water from a glass. She didn't understand the fear. Under hypnosis, Anna O. recalled being disgusted when she saw her tutor's dog (she hated both the tutor and the dog) drink from a glass. After Anna O. expressed her intense anger about the tutor, she immediately understood her rejecting the water (just like she rejected the tutor) and she could thereafter drink water from a glass. None of the current behavioral research has studied such a "cathartic" experience as Anna O's, probably because this kind of repressed experience can't be scheduled as a 30-minute lab assignment for Intro Psych students; it can be recorded in therapy, however. Furthermore, a straight-forward, easily controlled procedure for venting one's anger is available (see chapter 12) and could be researched readily. It focuses on reducing anger, not learning aggression. The same process occurs when you feel better after letting off steam with a friend. I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe; I hid my wrath, my wrath did grow.
I suspect intention and expectation of catharsis are crucially important in determining the outcome, e.g. if you beat a punching bag an hour a day thinking how you will punch out people you don't like, I suspect you will become more hostile and aggressive. If you punch the bag thinking that at the end of an hour you will be completely exhausted and cleansed of your hatred and will have a better understanding and more willingness to forgive the irritating person, I suspect you will become less agitated and aggressive. That needs to be proven in the lab. One final observation about catharsis: many violent crimes are committed by people described as gentle, passive, quiet, easy-going, and good natured (see Truman Capote's In Cold Blood in which the "nicest boy in Kansas" kills his family). Everyone is surprised. Likewise, many psychological tests describe persons who have committed violent acts as ordinarily being over-controlled, i.e. not emotional or impulsive and very inhibited about expressing aggression against anyone. Thus, it seems that they may "store up" aggression until it is impossible to contain and, then, they explode. Many of us, who have been parents, have had a similar experience, namely, holding our tongue until we over-react with a verbal assault on the child. The research about hostility suggests that a safe, appropriate way of releasing our anger is badly needed. Athletics are supposed to serve this function for some people but the data is contradictory. Psychotherapists say athletes are less aggressive; some say they are more. So, watching certain athletics may increase hostility. At the very least, research psychologists and psychotherapists should more clearly define "catharsis." It is not playing or watching sports, writing stories about aggression, fighting in a war, shocking someone in an experiment, watching someone hit a Bobo doll, or watching TV violence. It is well documented that watching, fantasizing, or acting out violence increases the probability that you will be
more violent in the future. In contrast, the end result of catharsis is, in some cases, peace and calm, not aggression. Psychotherapists say expressing emotions in therapy
can change a person's view and interpretation of the situation. Also, expressing an emotion, such as anger, can result in finding ways to change the irritating situation. Once the released emotion is discussed with a therapist or friend, you are in a better position to make plans for coping with the feelings and the circumstances. Obviously, some people can calm themselves down, i.e. reduce their anger. Anger control and health seem to be related to feeling in control ,trusting and accepting others or at least not seeing them as mean, selfish, and exploitative, and being able to assertively express our negative feelings These are skills many of us need to learn.
Anger & Relationships

Anger is particularly destructive in relationships. When we live in close contact with someone, our personalities, priorities, interests, and ways of doing things frequently clash. Since we spend so much time together, and since we know the other person's shortcomings so well, it is very easy for us to become critical and short-tempered with our partner and to blame him or her for making our life uncomfortable. Unless we make a continuous effort to deal with this anger as it arises, our relationship will suffer. A couple may genuinely love one another, but if they frequently get angry with each other the times when they are happy together will become fewer and further between. Eventually there will come a point when before they have recovered from one row the next has already begun. Like a flower choked by weeds, love cannot survive in such circumstances. In a close relationship, opportunities to get angry arise many times a day, so to prevent the build-up of bad feelings we need to deal with anger as soon as it begins to arise in our mind. We clear away the dishes after every meal rather than waiting until the end of the month, because we do not want to live in a dirty house nor be faced with a huge, unpleasant job. In the same way, we need to make the effort to clear away the mess in our mind as soon as it appears, for if we allow it to accumulate it will become more and more difficult to deal with, and will endanger our relationship. We should remember that every opportunity to develop anger is also an opportunity to develop patience. A relationship in which there is a lot of friction and conflict of interests is also an unrivalled opportunity to erode away our self-cherishing and self-grasping, which are the real sources of all our problems. By practicing the instructions on patience explained here, we can transform our relationships into opportunities for spiritual growth.
It is through our anger and hatred that we transform people into enemies. We generally
assume that anger arises when we encounter a disagreeable person, but actually it is the anger already within us that transforms the person we meet into our imagined foe. Someone controlled by their anger lives within a paranoid view of the world, surrounded by enemies of his or her own creation. The false belief that everyone hates him can become so overwhelming that he might even go insane, the victim of his own delusion.
Anger-generating fantasies
First, something happens to make us mad--someone cheats or insults us, a child rebels, our lover shows a lot of attention to someone else. We think about it a lot; we talk about it; it becomes an obsession, like a movie played over and over. The more we think about it, the angrier we get. Research supports this notion. Psychotherapists interviewed recently fired employees and encouraged them to talk about their hostility towards the company. This talking increased their hostility. Scientists have summarized several studies showing that aggressive fantasies interfere with the reduction of anger. Moreover, just waiting five minutes helps women get over their anger, but not men. Scientists speculate that men may be more prone than women to ruminate about the mistreatments they have suffered and/or about their inability (or wished-for ability) to retaliate against their annoyer. Thus, men hold anger longer than women. It is not uncommon to meet a person who is still, years later, seething with anger towards a former spouse or a tyrannical parent or boss. Presumably the unpleasant memories maintain the hostility which, in turn, fuels more aggressive fantasies and perhaps ulcers, distrust of others, and so on. There seem to be two elements in anger-building: (1) obsessive hostile fantasies and (2) a lack of creative imagination or fantasy. For example, extremely violent persons often ruminate almost continuously about how awful the hated person is. Also, they think of only violent solutions to the problem. On the other hand, research has consistently shown that people who are frequently aggressive have a very limited ability to think of different or more creative ways of handling the angering situation or person.
Scientists say by talking with friends (or a therapist?) about being upset with someone "you aren't ventilating the anger; you're practicing it." That isn't necessarily so but it is possible. If the talking (or daydreaming) reinforces your beliefs of injustice, blame, and evilness in the other person, your anger increases. If the talking (or thinking) provides more understanding of the disliked person and more ideas about how to cope, your anger decreases. Also, if you believe talking calms you down, it probably does.
The Faults of Anger

There is nothing more destructive than anger. It destroys our peace and happiness in this life, and impels us to engage in negative actions that lead to untold suffering in future
lives. It blocks our spiritual progress and prevents us from accomplishing any spiritual goals we have set our self - from merely improving our mind, up to full enlightenment. The opponent to anger is patient acceptance, and if we are seriously interested in progressing along the spiritual path there is no practice more important than this. Anger is by nature a painful state of mind. Whenever we develop anger, our inner peace immediately disappears and even our body becomes tense and uncomfortable. We are so restless that we find it nearly impossible to fall asleep, and whatever sleep we do manage to get is fitful and unrefreshing. It is impossible to enjoy our self when we are angry, and even the food we eat seems unpalatable. Anger transforms even a normally attractive person into an ugly red-faced demon. We grow more and more miserable, and, no matter how hard we try, we cannot control our emotions. One of the most harmful effects of anger is that it robs us of our reason and good sense. Wishing to retaliate against those whom we think have harmed us, we expose our self to great personal danger merely to exact petty revenge. To get our own back for perceived injustices or slights, we are prepared to jeopardize our job, our relationships, and even the well-being of our family and children. When we are angry we lose all freedom of choice, driven here and there by an uncontrollable rage. Sometimes this blind rage is even directed at our loved ones and benefactors. In a fit of anger, forgetting the immeasurable kindness we have received from our friends, family, or Spiritual Teachers, we might strike out against and even kill the ones we hold most dear. It is no wonder that a habitually angry person is soon avoided by all who know him. This unfortunate victim of
his own temper is the despair of those who formerly loved him, and eventually finds himself abandoned by everyone.
Anger Management
The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions. Are You Too Angry? There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion. Why Are Some People Angrier Than Others? According to psychologists who specialize in anger management, some people really are
more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill. People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively. Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications. If a person comes from a family where letting out anger is very frequent, he is tend to get more hyper than others and vice versa. Is It Good to "Let it All Hang Out?" Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation. It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
DEALING WITH ANGER

Since it is impossible to fulfill all our desires or to stop unwanted things happening to us, we need to find a different way of relating to frustrated desires and unwanted occurrences. We need to learn patient acceptance. Patience is a mind that is able to accept, fully and happily, whatever occurs. It is much more than just gritting our teeth and putting up with things. Being patient means to welcome wholeheartedly whatever arises, having given up the idea that things should be other than what they are. It is always possible to be patient; there is no situation so bad that it cannot be accepted patiently, with an open, accommodating, and peaceful heart. When patience is present in our mind it is impossible for unhappy thoughts to gain a foothold. There are many examples of people who have managed to practise patience even in the most extreme circumstances, such as under torture or in the final ravages of cancer. Although their body was ruined beyond repair, deep down their mind
remained at peace. By learning to accept the small difficulties and hardships that arise every day in the course of our lives, gradually our capacity for patient acceptance will increase and we shall come to know for our self the freedom and joy that true patience brings. Q: What causes a person to experience anger? A: There are basically two ways of experiencing anger. You can feel angry with yourself over not having done as well as you had hoped on an examination, or you can have the other kind of anger which is directed at someone else or some object. In other words, you
can stub your toe walking over a carpet and be angry about that, or you can be angry at a sales person in the store, or with a spouse of girlfriend/boyfriend as a result of an argument or dispute. Internal anger is directed at yourself for something that you have done or not done and external anger is the result of an interaction with another person. Q: What are some ways of dealing with anger? A: Probably the most productive way is taking your angry feelings to the source, in other words, directly to the person involved. If your angry feelings are directed at yourself and you are angry with yourself about something, try to express those feelings to a friend, a colleague or a counselor. In other words, to kind of get it offs your chest. It is very important to get out angry feelings regardless of what kind of anger youre feeling. Q: What are some of the non-productive ways of dealing with anger? A: Instead of expressing feelings, the non-productive way would be to bottle them up, keeping those feelings inside. An expression that is frequently used is "sandbagging". Sandbagging your angry feelings means to avoid the person, for whom anger is directed, sidestepping the issue, keeping the anger inside, instead of being direct with a person. Sandbagging results in being indirect and sarcastic. Many people fear hurting someone elses feelings if they share angry feelings. Yet by holding on to anger, the other person ends up feeling hurt and relationships are damaged. Having a lot of angry feelings that are pent up could lead to punitive kinds of behavior or resentment, directly or indirectly. People that you are involved with, a boyfriend of girlfriend or a spouse, know when you are angry. There are ways that you show it indirectly. And when you dont express that anger directly to them, usually they resent it, and the frustration can cause people to withdraw from each other. Q: Many people are not even aware they are angry, or that theyre not expressing it. How does a person become aware of whether theyre expressing their anger or not? A: One way for people to tell whether they are angry is if they are short tempered. If you find your honking your horn at traffic, if you are not able to concentrate on your work
like you want to, these are all ways of knowing that something is wrong. Agitated feelings are good clues to unexpressed anger. Also, there are occasionally some physical symptoms that go along with unexpressed anger, such as migraine headaches, peptic
ulcers, upset stomach, and tension headaches. Usually your body tells you that something is wrong. You are bottling something up, and you are not expressing those angers. Q: Is there a decision-making process related to expressing anger? A: When you have angry feelings, you have to decide if this is the right time and the right place to express these feelings. You may in fact be in the company of others when you have these angry feelings, and you may want to find a nice quiet place where you can explain and express those feelings, or tell those feelings to the person you feel has caused them or at least is directly involved with you. So, it very much is a decision. Q: How about the trust factor? Would you have to trust somebody before you express angry feelings to them, or does trust have anything to do with it? A: Expressing anger is a lot easier if we trust someone. On the other hand, level of trust is not imperative. We may feel angry toward a clerk in a store or a salesperson and we dont know what the level of trust is. I think the most important thing is to trust yourself. Trust your feelings and let your feelings out. Q: For the person who hasnt learned too much about expressing anger, are there preliminary steps that one can start taking to learn more about their angry feelings? A: Yes, there is and considering it a series of steps is the easiest way to look at it. The first step is to be aware if something is going on where you are finding yourself agitated, if you are snapping at friends, if youre not doing well in your work. You know something is wrong. Give yourself time, take a few moments, and locate the source. Locating the source is the second step. Is it something you have or havent done? Is it something inside that is going on? Or is it the result of an interaction with a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, and spouse? The third step would be to choose the right time and the right place to express that anger. If it is anger that is inside you directed at yourself,
then find a friend, check it out. See if they have the time to listen to you. Get it off your chest. If it is the result of an interaction with a certain other person, then find the right time and the right place and let them know that this is something important to you to express. And finally, number four would be to tell them your anger in the most simple, direct way you can think of. And always remember that you have the responsibility to express your anger. The other person may not respond the way you want them to--they may not be willing to hear it-- but the important thing is that is their responsibility. You only have the responsibility to tell them and thats about it. What to do? Instead of reacting impulsively, train yourself to keep a lid on angry feelings until you have cooled down. Then confront the situation -- or person -- calmly. When flooded with negative emotions, the ability to hear, think and speak is severely impaired. Taking a "time out" can be enormously constructive. However, 5 minutes are not enough; research suggests that people need at least 20 minutes to recover from intense psychological arousal. During those minutes (and at other times, too), try some of these techniques for
coping with and defusing anger: 1. Become Aware of what precipitates your anger. Most of us have identifiable triggers. Once you know the roots of your anger, you can deal with it more constructively. 2. Monitor the feelings and bodily sensations you experience when you're becoming angry. Learn to use these sensations as cues to stop and consider what is happening and what to do about it.
3. Change the thoughts that trigger anger, interpreting the situation from a different (less provocative) point of view. Often, this involves looking at the situation from the other person's perspective. Instead of, "Sue's deliberately trying to make me look bad," think "Sue must be having a bad day." Instead of "How dare you cut me off, you damn homicidal idiot!" think "Maybe that driver didn't see me." Changing thoughts produces new feelings which displace the anger. The quicker you can reinterpret a situation the better. Brooding fuels anger, but seeing things differently quells it. Reframing a situation is one of the most potent ways of controlling anger. 4. Write down angry thoughts. Once you have them on paper, challenge and reappraise them. Or write a letter to the person you're angry with and then tear it into a hundred pieces. But be careful: The longer you dwell on what made you angry, the more reasons and self-justifications you can find for being angry. Try not to fan your own fire. 5. Identify and express the feelings that precede anger. Anger is often a secondary emotion, erupting in the wake of other feelings, like frustration, resentment, humiliation, or fear. Try to become aware of the underlying emotion and express that feeling instead of anger. 6. Respond assertively. The goal isn't to suppress anger, but to express it in non-aggressive ways. Blaming, accusations, threats and name-calling are aggressive responses. Calmly and
assertively stating your thoughts and feelings about a situation, without blaming, is a far more powerful way to respond in conflict. 7. Relax. Anger is a high-arousal state, so one of the most helpful things you can do is engage in an activity that lowers blood pressure and heart rate, like yoga, stretching, deep breathing, massage, visualization, guided imagery or meditation. Activities like gardening, painting, and woodworking may also be very helpful. Running, walking, dancing, swimming and other forms of aerobic exercise "work off" anger and leave you feeling relaxed. 8. Relinquish your anger. If angry feelings about a particular person or situation are eating at you and none of the above techniques proves helpful, try doing what may be the most courageous and
difficult thing of all: Just let it go. If the anger is based on some old wound deep inside, letting go starts a healing process. Consider enlisting the support of a professional counselor or therapist.
Identifying Anger
It is very important to identify the actual cause of whatever unhappiness we feel. If we are forever blaming our difficulties on others, this is a sure sign that there are still many problems and faults within our own mind. If we were truly peaceful inside and had our mind under control, difficult people or circumstances would not be able to disturb this peace, and so we would feel no compulsion to blame anyone or regard them as our enemy. To someone who has subdued his or her mind and eradicated the last trace of anger, all beings are friends. A Bodhisattva, for instance, whose sole motivation is to benefit others, has no enemies. Very few people wish to harm someone who is a friend of the entire world, and even if someone did harm him or her, the Bodhisattva would not view this person as an enemy. With his mind dwelling in patience, he would remain calm and untroubled, and his love and respect for his assailant would be undiminished. Such is the power of a well-controlled mind. Therefore, if we really want to be rid of all enemies, all we need to do is uproot our own anger. If we are able to recognize a negative train of thought before it develops into fullblown anger, it is not too hard to control. If we can do this, there is no danger of our anger being 'bottled up' and turning into resentment. Controlling anger and repressing anger are two very different things. Repression occurs when anger has developed fully in our mind but we fail to acknowledge its presence. We pretend to ourself and to others that we are not angry - we control the outward expression of anger but not the anger itself. This is very dangerous because the anger continues to seethe below the surface of our mind, gathering in strength until one day it inevitably explodes.
On the other hand, when we control anger we see exactly what is going on in our mind. We acknowledge honestly the angry stirrings in our mind for what they are, realize that allowing them to grow will only result in suffering, and then make a free and conscious decision to respond more constructively. If we do this skilfully, anger does not get a chance to develop properly, and so there is nothing to repress. Once we learn to control and overcome our anger in this way, we shall always find happiness, both in this life and in our future lives. Those who truly wish to be happy, therefore, should make the effort to free their minds from the poison of anger.
Strategies to Keep Anger at Bay

Relaxation Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If
you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques. Some simple steps you can try: Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut." Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination. Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer. Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation. Cognitive Restructuring Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's
terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow." Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This! &*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactionsfrustration, disappointment, hurtbut not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but
that doesn't mean the hurt goes away. Problem Solving Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to
our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away. Better Communication Angry people tend to jump toand act onconclusions and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your angeror a partner'slet a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one. Using Humor "Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer
to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirt bag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name
comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation. Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them! When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression. What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh. Changing Your Environment Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.
Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them. Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at nightperhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habittry changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments. Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "Well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm. Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a projectlearn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.
Four Proven Techniques for Managing Anger
Step 1:The first step towards managing anger in our personal relationships appropriately is the identification of the mistaken attitudes and convictions that predispose us to being excessively angry in the first place! Once these mistakes have been corrected, we will be less likely to fly off the handle than we were in the past. Step 2:The second step is the identification of those factors from our childhood that prevents us from expressing our anger as appropriately as we otherwise might. These factors include fear, denial, and ignorance and so on. These impediments to the effective and appropriate management of our anger towards others can be removed so that our suppressed anger will NOT compound itself inside of us as it has been doing for years. Step 3:The third step is learning the appropriate modes of expressing our "legitimate" anger at others so that we can begin to cope more effectively with anger provoking situations as they arise in our personal relationships. When we are anxious or depressed in our relationships, we are often experiencing the consequences of our suppressed anger. The problem is that we have suppressed our anger so deeply that we succeeded in concealing it from our own selves! All we are left with is the residual evidence of it, our anxiety or our depression. When we are depressed, very often we are also angry at our self without
realizing it. Learning to appropriately manage our anger at ourselves is the antidote to much of alcoholism and drug abuse. But the management of our anger does not end in learning these new and more appropriate ways to express it. There remains one last step. Step 4:The fourth step in the Anger Management process is to bind up the wounds that may have been left by the potentially devastating emotional impact of anger. "Anger wounds" left in us against those who have wronged us. If we do not complete this mopping up step, we will cling to the resentment of having been done wrong and will carry the festering residue of our anger and rage in our hearts forever.
One of the most effective means of giving ourselves immediate relief from anger in our personal relationships is to forgive others.
Many of us cannot forgive those who have trespassed against us. Something below the level of our conscious awareness prevents us from relieving our residual anger by forgiving the other person and we then carry a grudge in our
hearts for thirty years! This unresolved anger poisons our relationship with our friends and loved ones. It even spoils our relationship with ourselves! We make our own lives mean and miserable instead of happy and full. Very often the feeling is, "Why should I forgive them? What they did was WRONG!" But, is forgiveness for those who only do us right? Most people have a hard time forgiving others simply because they have a wrong understanding of what forgiveness is! When you forgive someone, it does not mean that you condone or are legitimizing their behavior toward you. To forgive them means that you refuse to carry painful and debilitating grudges around with you for the rest of your life!
You are "refusing" to cling to the resentment of them having done you wrong.
Controlling Anger BenefitsofPatience

In reality most of our emotional problems are nothing more than a failure to accept things as they are - in which case it is patient acceptance, rather than attempting to change externals, that is the solution. For example, many of our relationship problems arise because we do not accept our partner as he or she is. In these cases the solution is not to change our partner into what we would like him to be, but to accept him fully as he is. There are many levels of acceptance. Perhaps we already try to tolerate our partner's idiosyncrasies, refrain from criticizing him or her, and go along with his wishes most of the time; but have we in the depths of our heart given up judging him? Are we completely free from resentment and blaming? Is there not still a subtle thought that he ought to be different from the way he is? True patience involves letting go of all these thoughts. Once we fully accept other people as they are without the slightest judgement or reservation - as all the enlightened beings accept us - then there is no basis for problems in our relations with others. Problems do not exist outside our mind, so when we stop seeing other people as problems they stop being problems. The person who is a problem to a non-accepting mind does not exist in the calm, clear space of patient acceptance. Patient acceptance not only helps us, it also helps those with whom we are patient. Being accepted feels very different to being judged. When someone feels judged they automatically become tight and defensive, but when they feel accepted they can relax, and this allows their good qualities to come to the surface. Patience always solves our inner problems, but often it solves problems between people as well
Anger management programs

INDIVIDUAL ANGER PROGRAM Chronic anger can be costly, both physically and emotionally. Most people can use their anger in appropriate ways in some situations, and yet be ineffectual in others. Participation in the Individual Anger Program reduces levels of anger, especially in
provocative situations. You will learn effective coping behaviors to stop escalation and to resolve conflicts. Graduated homework assignments allow participants to apply their newly acquired skills. The Individual Anger Program employs the three major anger control interventions by using model presentations, rehearsal, positive feedback and promoting. Goals To reduce levels of anger in provocative situations To learn effective coping behaviors in order to halt escalation and to resolve conflicts Format The Individual Anger Program uses a skill building format and each new skill relies, to some extent, on what has previously been learned, therefore participants are strongly encouraged to attend all twelve (12) sessions. The Individual Sessions begin and end on time, lasting forty-five minutes (45min). You are encouraged to do homework assignments.
EMPLOYEE ANGER PROGRAM Goals To reduce levels of anger in provocative situations To learn effective coping behaviors in order to halt escalation and to resolve conflicts COURT (ORDERED) ANGER PROGRAM Goals To reduce levels of anger in provocative situations To learn effective coping behaviors in order to halt escalation and to resolve conflicts COUPLE PROGRAM The Couple Anger Program is for couples who want professional help for dealing with anger and building a relationship in which both partners can express their real self. Partners who make a real relationship work have certain skills. They know and practice core interpersonal skills, which allow them to form a relationship that can endure, deepen, and grow. The Couple Anger Program offers practical skills for dealing with anger and encouragement for those seeking more meaning and healthy closeness in their relationship. A real relationship provides its partners with the
opportunity for personal growth, development of the real self, and emotional and spiritual healing. This Program provides clear explanations, practical skills, insightful background, and a map for the healing journey possible in real relationships. Learn how to overcome the power of difference and shame, which may threaten the level of your satisfaction. The dynamics of difference and
shame have the power to set up the development of a false self. The false self defensively refuses to assert the real self. Overcoming the power of these dynamics is the source of transforming unhealthy wounded relationships and individuals into healthy ones. The Couple Anger Program provides improvement in the following areas: Assertiveness Skills Overcoming Your Anger Overcoming Your Partner's Anger Overcoming Difference and Shame Overcoming Your Anxiety Conflict Resolution Skills Direct Communication Skills Listening Skills
ANGER MANAGEMENT IN SOBRIETY

Angry feelings are one of the greatest challenges for recovering alcoholics and addicts. Relapse is often related to the inability to constructively handle anger. Mismanaged anger poses a threat to recovery for the newcomer and the old-timer. Sometimes the greatest threat is to relationships. Positive Steps in Dealing with Anger Recognize Angry Feelings: How do you know when you are angry? How does your anger show? Do you deny your anger and hide it? Do you own your anger and go with it? List Your Anger Signs: Head, stomach and back aches Rapid speech Yelling and screaming Sarcasm or cynicism Denial or rationalization about your behavior Revenge fantasies Thoughts about drinking or using drugs Arguing with others Becoming silent or withholding Avoiding Others Isolating
ManagementJuice.com Anger Management by Anon Project for reference purpose only. Page | 49 Becoming Violent Compulsive eating, spending, cleaning, or sex
Identify The Cause: What is the situation? Who is involved? Is this the first time or is this a pattern?
What other feelings are you experiencing? Are you too stressed? Tired? Hungry? Lonely?
Scared? Decide How To Behave: Reason with your angry self-talk. Change thoughts. From: "I'm angry at you because you..." To: "It's unfortunate this happened, but it's not worth the price I pay." Do physical activity. Walk or jog. Begin some physically demanding work. Talk directly the person involved. o Use a calm and assertive tone. o Practice listening. o Don't interrupt. o If you're too angry, practice first with a third party. Avoid behavior that will make the situation worse: o Artificial stimulants like nicotine and caffeine. o Ranting and raving.
ManagementJuice.com Anger Management by Anon Project for reference purpose only. Page | 50 o Name-calling. o Compulsive behavior with food, money or sex.
Prevention and Preparation: Meditation can help balance the nervous system, and contribute to less stressful anger management. Daily attention to diet and exercise will improve focus and concentration. Keep a log of your anger work, including triggers, behavior and future planning? Chart your progress and be generous with self-praise when you change your behavior. Only you can decide on the best method to use at this time to handle your anger. Of the alternatives you have, which seem the best? What are the possible outcomes if you try a particular alternative? What will you do if this alternative doesn't work? Write in a journal. Discuss it with a friend or spinsor. Bring it to your recovery or therapy group. Seek professional help when needed. And remember, anger is not a dirty word. It is a part of being human!
Tame Temper Tantrums

Babies who turn red & scream with rage when their physical needs are not met with immediately ,can turn into toddlers who lie on the floor ,flail their limbs ,bang their heads ,scream ,and or hold their breaths when they cant do something ,arent allowed to do something or are made to do it. They can develop into roaring, bullying teens and raging, belligerent adults with high risk for heart attacks. It is best to start calming tactics from the cradle itself. It takes patience. Hold infants firmly and gently to help soothe them. Also talk in a quite voice, lull the baby to sleep or try distraction.
Sympathize with a toddler. Discover the cause of the anger. Reinforce the fact that while it is all right to be angry, getting out of control is unacceptable. If it happens in a public place pick up the child, paste a smile & go to a peaceful nook where u can both cool off. Ignore the child for about three minutes, then issue a one to ten deadline to stop. If it is an in house display, leave the room and shut the door. Demonstrate love when the storm has passed without giving in over the issue. Seek counseling if the child starts breaking things, harms him or others.
Is Hostility Harming Your Heart?

Youre constantly on the look out for misbehaviour of others. You believe that everybody else around you is incompetent nincompoops. You always need to be in control and not only when you are driving. You jump to the least generous conclusion about others. You are unable to listen because you dont value the experience of others. You get so infuriated that you throw things, hit someone, or scream obscenities. You yell at others when you are driving and go ballistic in a cab. You get angry all over again when you recall an irritating incident. You have an argument with a stranger because he bumped into you. You find yourself getting angry with inanimate objects such as the computer, the telephone and the television. You get enraged during the course of a game, be it bridge or badminton. Minor irritants build up during the day leaving you in a foul mood with the world.
SOME MORE ANGER MANAGEMENT TIPS

If you find that rage is disrupting your life, you can learn to shed your hospitality. Heres how: 1. Log it. Note down your every annoyed, angry or aggressive thought for a week even vague ones. This will make you aware of what triggers you to blow your top, spot patterns and consider corrective measures. 2. Recognize signs of trouble. Say teeth clenching or grinding, heart pounding, muttering obscenities, first making, tensed jaw, hunched shoulders. 3. Take a few deep breaths. Anger can make you dizzy and less able to rationalize. Deep exhalations help you to concentrate & slow down your heart. 4. Say stop. If you have a pointless hostile thought about an independent situation over which you have no control, short circuit it by shouting Stop either vocally or silently. 5. Think pleasant. You cant focus on two things at the same time, so you feel yourself getting burned up; fantasize about a steamy encounter in bed or a lazy lie- in on a moon drenched beach. 6. Unbottle. Dont hold it until you explode it uncontrollably. Express yourself in a non-threatening way, honestly and openly. Then let go. Convey real feelings of displeasure at the time it occurs and to the person who causes it. This can clear the air, reconcile differences and free the flow of all feelings.
7. Dont be provoked by others into fighting or shouting. Remember it takes a better- and healthier person- to walk away than to stand and slug it out. 8. Know the difference between aggression and assertion. Aggression means a loss of control, putting another person down, and shows a failure to cope with or to solve a problem. Assertion means taking a stand, resisting unreasonable demands and asking for what you want.
9. Snap. Put a rubber band on your wrist and twang it when you feel an inner fire escalating. Then count from one to give and use your favourite fantasy for 20 second to spare before responding. 10. Get into another room. If you must vent out your feeling violently, lock yourself into a room, even the loo, alone. Punch at a pillow, fling an object, or scream. Six times of this will evaporate your murderous rage and allow you to face the object of your wrath placidly. 11. Look at the bigger picture. If you re-examine something that seems like a big deal, it may be easily controllable. 12. Refocus. Or look at the situation from another point of view. Perhaps a family member or friend can provide fresh insight and suggest ways to deal with your rage. 13. Think wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Just because you think that they are youre always right doesnt mean that you are. 14. Remind yourself of the embarrassment you felt when you lost control. Itll prevent you from making the same mistake again. 15. Compartmentalize. Try not to carry bad feelings from home to office and vice versa, thus taking them out on the wrong person. Clear your mind of unnecessary garbage by keeping some in between quite moments to yourself. 16. Cut cigars, coffee, colas and candy. The less dependence on nicotine, caffeine and sugar, the greater the chance of conquering hospitality. 17. Use time management. Allow yourself plenty of time to get to work in the morning to avoid fretting and fuming. Try to adjust your schedule to miss the rush hour. Visit restraints which are less crowded or when they are less crowded, shop early in the morning or on weekends, rather than on weekdays or on the first day of the month. Holiday off season; youll not only save on hotel rates but spare yourself crowded and overbooked transport. 18. Get some me-time to sort out your feelings and de-clutter your mind with a positive attitude. 19. Get moving. Physical exercise at least 20 minutes a day, relaxes extra energy and makes you feel more relaxed.
20. Join a course in mind control, relaxation, or music therapy. Meditation helps you to analyse yourself more clearly. Yoga releases anger and frustration.
Do You Need Counseling?

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can
work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior. When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used. What About Assertiveness Training? It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations. Remember, you can't eliminate angerand it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you
let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.
OBJECTIVE OF ANGER TEST

Anger Profile 12 situations, 15-20 min . Question type: Situational What you get: An overview of the topic of anger with a discussion of the positive as well as negative aspects of the emotion. What it measures: Your style of anger in three different types of situations: emotionally loaded, moderately loaded, and benign. Measures both your external reaction and your internal feelings of anger. Also determines how long you dwell on bad feelings and how in touch you are with your feelings overall. Basic goal: Anger test for anybody is to help him/her identify those areas which always lead to trouble and frustrate him/her and learn new and better responses for all concerned i.e. proper anger management techniques/strategies etc.
Anger Test
Introduction:Do you often find yourself unable to control your temper? Does your anger come out in unhealthy ways that are damaging to both yourself and others? Anger is an extremely powerful emotion, and an inability to keep it under control can lead to serious problems in relationships, career and families. Learn more about your approach to anger management with the Anger Profile. It's designed to evaluate your general level of anger in different types of situations. Questions:1. On your way home from work you stop off at the shopping mall to pick up some dinner. As you walk past a restaurant you catch a glimpse of your partner with another woman/man. They are kissing publicly and very passionately. Up until this moment you believed your relationship was stable, loving, and committed - this is your soul mate. How do you feel? 1. I don't feel angry at all. 2. I feel slightly annoyed. 3. I feel a little angry. 4. I feel moderately angry 5. I feel very angry. 6. I feel furious.
2. You have just come out of the gym and are heading home after a long day. You are looking forward to a nice relaxing evening until you see your car. Two other parked cars have boxed it in, and there is no way you can pull out of the parking spot without damaging it. How do you feel? 1. I don't feel angry at all. 2. I feel slightly annoyed. 3. I feel a little angry. 4. I feel moderately angry 5. I feel very angry. 6. I feel furious. 3. Your friend persuades you to hire her/his cousin for a moving job. The guy turns out to be pretty clumsy - he even manages to drop a box labeled "fragile" with your family crystal in it. All of the wine glasses are shattered into hundreds of pieces. How do you feel? 1. I don't feel angry at all. 2. I feel slightly annoyed. 3. I feel a little angry. 4. I feel moderately angry 5. I feel very angry. 6. I feel furious. 4. You have agreed to pick up some friends at the train station. They are coming to stay with you for a month, and they are not light travelers! You've arranged with your partner to have the car for the day. You are about to leave the house when you realize the car is outside but your partner has gone to work with the keys. How do
you feel? 1. I don't feel angry at all.

2. I feel slightly annoyed. 3. I feel a little angry. 4. I feel moderately angry 5. I feel very angry. 6.I feel furious. 5. At a karaoke night with friends your partner pokes fun of your singing. You thought your voice was pretty good. Most of your friends heard the comment. How do you feel? 1. I don't feel angry at all. 2. I feel slightly annoyed. 3. I feel a little angry. 4.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel very angry. 6.I feel furious. 6. Youve planted an herb garden in your back yard and are looking forward to reaping the fruit of your efforts. Lately you've noticed your garden is being messed with. One day you catch the neighbor's poodle in action. With a delighted expression on his face, he poops and digs to get rid of the "evidence". Your garden is ruined - who wants to eat contaminated produce? How do you feel? 1. I don't feel angry at all. 2.I feel slightly annoyed. 3.I feel a little angry. 4.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel very angry. 6.I feel furious. 7. You just bought a new car and bring it to a friends' business to show them. You go in and get them and bring them outside to see it. When you get back to your car
you notice that the mini-van that was parked next to your car is gone and that you now have a dent and long scratch in your left-rear fender. How do you feel? 1. I don't feel angry at all. 2.I feel slightly annoyed. 3.I feel a little angry. 4.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel very angry. 6.I feel furious. 8. Youre in the express line in the supermarket, in a hurry, and about to be late for a dinner party at home. Your spouse has been on your case about being late in the past. The person in front of you has at least 5 items over the limit and argues with the clerk to accept her, finally winning her case. Then she argues over a price and the clerk has to go back in the store to check it, and while they discuss that, her daughter comes up with 2 more items to buy. At that point, how do you feel?
1. I don't feel angry at all. 2.I feel slightly annoyed. 3.I feel a little angry. 4.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel very angry. 6. I feel furious. 9. You were told that the man from your appliance guarantee company was coming this morning to check the new broken washer you bought. You have many things to do but you have to stay at home this morning or miss him. After two calls, you call again at 12:30 only to find out he's been delayed and will come some time this afternoon. Also he calls back later and says hell b there by maximum 1hr, but doesnt turn up till eve. At that point, how do you feel? 1. I don't feel angry at all. 2.I feel slightly annoyed.
3.I feel a little angry. 4.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel very angry. 6.I feel furious. 10. You are living in your new home, with all its new features and fresh wall coverings. Your nosy and irritating neighbor comes to visit and brings her young son. She says she brought things to keep him busy and convinces you it's okay to leave him alone while you two chat. Then you offer her coffee and you chat for a while. It was pleasant enough but she made so many comments on how expensive the wallpaper and the furniture and the tea serving, even was asking the cost repeatedly, that you became uncomfortable. The two of you went to get the boy and found him in your living room. Shocked, you noticed that he had written all over your white furniture and on your foil wallpaper with the permanent markers she had brought without telling you what they were. She takes a look at him, then you, then picks him up and says, "Isn't he creative? as she heads rapidly for the front door. Now you feel: 1. I don't feel angry at all. 2.I feel slightly annoyed. 3.I feel a little angry. 4.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel very angry. 6. I feel furious. 11. You take care of your morning responsibilities then rush to make a doctor's appointment. You get there with three minutes to spare and are told to wait in a very full and noisy waiting room and that the doctor will be with you shortly. An hour later, after just being told for the third time, at the desk, that the doctor will be with you shortly, you overhear one of the other people in the waiting room say, "He must have been delayed at the nineteenth hole again, this is his golf morning, you know." Now, you're up and feel:
1. I don't feel angry at all. 2.I feel slightly annoyed. 3.I feel a little angry. 4.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel very angry. 6. I feel furious. 12. You are driving behind a very slow moving car on a canyon road. A traffic jam immediately occurs as a line of cars is forced to slow down behind you. Each time the car ahead comes to an area where he could pull to the side and let you pass, you patiently blink your lights to let him know you would like to pass. He repeatedly refuses to let you (and the long line of cars behind you) go around him and even speeds up once as you try to pass on the right so you can't make it. Then, finally, when you get to the end of the road and pull up next to him, he shouts an obscenity, gives you the finger and speeds off leaving rubber on the road. How do you feel? 1. I don't feel angry at all. 2.I feel slightly annoyed. 3.I feel a little angry. 4.I feel moderately angry 5.I feel very angry. 6.I feel furious. The above questionnaire was used as a tool for surveying people. Alike the following sample about 60 people were contacted for the anger management test. Also the people were segmented on the basis of age, sex, occupation etc.depending on their score they were briefed on their anger level and were suggested means to keep their anger in control. Each option carries marks(their serial no are considered as marks in this survey) and then the total of all these options is taken and the person is told about his/her behaviour(on an overall basis).
Sample size:Age group 15-25 = 20 people. Age group 25-35 = 20 people. Age group 35-45 = 20 people. Out of the above people:Males = 35 Females = 25. Occupations considered:Business, Doctors, Engineers, Students, Labourers. The anger levels of people were placed in either of the options:Score between 20-30:Cool, calm and collected, that's your style. Based on your answers to the test questions, it's safe to say you're more happy-go-lucky than fuming and furious! You don't appear to fly off the handle or freak out when something rubs you the wrong way. Rather than plotting revenge or making people pay for any offense, you try to keep your cool. This
well-controlled temper is certainly an asset - it saves both you and those around you from a lot of unnecessary turmoil. As long as you recognize that it's normal and, in fact, healthy to get angry from time to time, your approach is productive. Expressing feelings is much more effective than exploding. Way to go! Score between 30-40:Your overall anger level is normal. You get angry in certain situations but don't blow up at every possible occasion. You seem to have found a balance between accepting the occasional flash of temper and not letting yourself get worked up over nothing. You realize that sometimes it's just not worth the headache, and that the feeling will pass if you don't focus on it. This is a healthy, normal approach - suppressing anger can be precarious, but so can letting yourself get swept away by the powerful emotion.
Score between 40-60:If rage and tranquility were countries, you'd be living on the border. From your answers on the test we can deduct that you have the occasional flare of temper, but are generally able to keep a lid on it. Perhaps there are certain situations that get your goat and bring out your angry side, or you simply wake up on the wrong side of the bed from time to time - and the world suffers the consequences! Whether these flashes of anger are a regular thing or not, you should consider the impact they might be having on your relationships and reputation. You don't want people fearing your wrath, do you? It's normal and even healthy to get angry, but freaking out over small things can only lead to trouble. Score 60 & above:I'm actually afraid to tell you this, but someone's got to do it - you have a wicked temper! Your responses to the test questions showed that you have a tendency to blow a fuse at the slightest provocation. You may not actually act out on those angry feelings, and might even wish that you had more self-control. Truth is a nasty temper can cause a lot of trouble in life; other people could be nervous around you, which is certainly not healthy for your relationships. You may make enemies as a result of your outbursts, and even get yourself into some pretty sticky situations. Most of all, these feelings of fury are surely affecting YOU; being angry consumes a lot of precious energy you could be using in more productive ways. Each time you find yourself angry; ask yourself if it's really worth it. Will you even remember the whole incident in a few days time?
A FACTUAL STORY
Anil Sharma (28) is the youngest child in an ex service mans family. His elder sister and brother are married.
Anil was friendly, mature child who excelled in sports and studies, despite the frequent transfers which go with the Navy. There was one problem- his temper although nobody perceived it as such, because the Sharmas, parents are both sons, explode easily. Anger turned me into a ragging bull, a monster even admits Anil. During a cricket match, if I felt that someone was out and wouldnt accept this, Id shout and even get abusive. I would feel the bile rising, my breath would come out in gasps and my body would begin to shake. At home if my meals were not to my liking, Id berate mom. Sometimes dad would scold me back, but Id do nothing to mend my ways It was in 1999, in Himachal Pradesh, when Anil got into a huge argument with a family member. He was so furious that he bashed up the object of his wrath again and again and again. Restlessly. Until he was restrained by others. He lit a cigarette to cool down (he had been smoking 5 to 10 day ever since he had passed his SSC). And then I felt this pain in my chest which intensified to encompass the whole on my left side. I threw up. Felt better. Then it becomes so terrifyingly unbearable that I was taken to a near by hospital. There, to my utter bewilderment, I was told that I had suffered a major heart attack. The family was advised to move Anil to Chandigarh where an echo cardiogram and angiography reconfirmed the diagnosis. Meditation was prescribed. Anil felt better but the family decided to come to Mumbai where the cardiologist scolded him: What are you doing? Why arent you taking your condition seriously?
The 26-year old couldnt believe, wouldnt believe that hed had a heart attack! Nobody in his family had ever had a heart disease! The next stop was at Lilavati Hospital where he was put under Dr. Vidya Suratkals care. Another angiography cleared up clogged arteries & he was put on a regimen of blood thinners, heart stabillsors and cholesterol busters. He was advised to bring his 50 kilos of weight down to 65 kilos to suit his height of 5 ft. 5 inches. He walks for an hour every evening, has stopped non-veg fare, given up his gutkha and cigarettes. And sees Dr. Suratkal! Every three months and takes his medication faithfully. On her advice he was managed to rein in his temper. Says Sharma,It is not as if I dont ever get angry now. But Ive learned to recognize the signs and stay in control. Unfortunately the anger has given way to depression. Says Anil: I feel bad that I have not yet got a job although I am a B.E. in Instrumentation. I feel like I am a burden on my parents and when I see their worried faces my heart is heavy. I spend hours scouring the papers and sending my resume all over the place. But wherever I go they ask for experience. How can I get experience if I dont get a job? Has my life ended before it has even begun? Through it all Dr. Vidya is like a beacon of hope. She is helping Anil to grow in
confidence and self esteem.

Some Additional Matter you can incorporate in this project

"Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to." -Psychologist Harriet Goldhor Lerner, in The Dance of Anger Anger is a perfectly normal, healthy emotion -and a warning that we should pay attention to. It can indicate that we're being harmed, that our needs aren't being met, that we're compromising too much of our own values in a relationship, that our rights are being trampled on, or that we're giving too much at the expense of ourselves. It may also signal that other people are doing so much for us that it's interfering with our own growth. Anger can tell us when we need to say "no" to maintain our own integrity. But when anger gets out of control, it can be destructive. Studies show that frequent, excessive bouts of anger can often lead to depression. Consider the results of a remarkable study conducted by researchers at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. The researchers collected questionnaires filled out by more than 1,100 medical students from 1948 to 1964. Among other things, the students described how they respond to stressful situations. By comparing the results with health records over the next 30 to 40 years, the researchers concluded that hotheaded students were twice as likely as others to eventually sink into depression. They were also about two and a half times more likely to suffer a heart attack. If anger is a healthy warning signal, why were the hotheaded students most likely to become depressed? The answer may lie in the way they -- and many of us -- express anger. The Myth of "Venting"
There's a myth that simply "venting" your anger will always make you feel better. In reality, it often makes you feel worse. When you feel a rage coming on, a better tactic might be to take a breather and ask yourself what you're really angry about, what the problem is, and how you can communicate your anger without being hostile and attacking. Simply venting your anger doesn't solve the problem; in fact, it will usually reinforce tired old patterns in a relationship and maintain the status quo, according to psychologist Harriet Lerner. Sometimes it helps to just vent some anger (without being abusive), but it usually guarantees that nothing will change. As Lerner points out in The Dance of Anger, "Feelings of depression, low self-esteem, self-betrayal, and even self-hatred are inevitable
when we fight but continue to submit to unfair circumstances, when we complain but live in a way that betrays our hopes, values and potentials, or when we find ourselves fulfilling society's stereotype of the nagging, bitter, destructive [person]." And rage doesn't necessarily disappear when depression sets in. In fact, mood disorders may just add fuel to the fire. According to a recent report in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, about one in three depressed people are also openly hostile. Often, the hostility is accompanied by guilt, anxiety, suspiciousness, and worries about health. In addition, many depressed people have "anger attacks." The slightest annoyance can cause a racing heart beat, sweating, hot flashes, and tightness in the chest. The mix of anger and depression can be explosive. More than 60 percent of depressed patients who have anger attacks say they have physically or verbally attacked others during their fits of rage. Even more worrisome, a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that when the severity of depression increased by 20 percent, the odds of being "severely aggressive" to a spouse jumped 74 percent. "Angry people keep others at bay," says psychologist Matthew McKay in his book when Anger Hurts. "But in doing so, they experience less support, less enjoyment, and a greater sense of loneliness than their non-hostile counterparts. For many people, the price of anger is isolation. Friendships are distant, love relationships severed."
Like Lerner, McKay and his coauthors stress that the emotion doesn't have to exact this toll. In particular, they emphasize the importance of taking personal responsibility rather than seeing yourself as a victim of other people. The authors suggest stopping hostility before it starts by being aware of its "triggers" and of the physical signs and cues you feel just before anger strikes (such as an increased pulse rate, heavy breathing, a tightness in the gut, clenched fists, or tension in the jaw). React to these symptoms of stress by taking at least 10 deep breaths, massaging a tense part of your body, changing your posture and stretching, or leaving the room. To stop a fight from escalating, you and your partner can both agree to respect a call for some time off. Then, when you're ready to talk, try negotiating for what you need. If that doesn't work, the authors suggest figuring out how to meet your own needs. If you're angry, say, because a close friend seemingly ignores you every time she develops a new love interest, the authors say, talk frankly about it and say that you feel discarded with each new relationship. Then suggest getting together once a week. Also, expand your circle by making plans with other good friends -- developing new sources of support and appreciation is better than making demands on someone unable or unwilling to give
you what you want. Managing anger effectively The answer isn't to hold all your anger inside. If you constantly "repress" your anger, it's more likely that it will build up, volcano-like, until you explode in a self-defeating rage or fight. Other ineffective approaches to anger include blaming your partner (or someone else) or using silence and emotional distance to convey your hostility. This not only provokes unhealthy anger in return, but it makes it more likely that your feelings will be written off as unreasonable or even "crazy." Lerner suggests the following "dos" and "don'ts" when you're feeling angry:
Speak up when an issue is important to you. This doesn't mean that you have to make a case out of every minor irritation that comes your way, but that you take a stand on issues that would make you feel unhappy and resentful if you remain silent. Take a time-out. Sometimes a good fight clears the air, but more often it just reinforces old patterns. If you feel anger so intense your heart is pounding, ask for some time to sort things out before talking about it. Do this in another part of the house or go outside -away from the person to whom you were directing your anger initially. Take as much time as you need to calm down completely before returning. Figure out the cause of your anger. Ask yourself what the real issue is, what about the situation is making you angry, what you think and feel, what you want to accomplish or change, who is responsible for what, and what the things are that you will and won't do. "These may seem like simple questions, but it is amazing how frequently we march off to battle without knowing what the war is about," Lerner says. Fight fair. Don't blame, label, threaten, diagnose, preach, ridicule, order, or make ultimatums. No matter whether you grew up around these underhanded tactics, try to never use them in an argument, Lerner says. Most importantly, don't be contemptuous or put the other person down. (Psychologist and marriage researcher John Gottman has found that expressing contempt for a partner to be one of the biggest predictors of failure in a relationship.) Incorporate "I" language. Use the word "I" when expressing your feelings, as in "I feel this when you do X." This is less likely to make the other person defensive than blaming and criticizing ("You never do what you say you will," "You make me sick.") Lerner advises people to watch out for "pseudo-I's," as in "I think you are selfish and selfcentered." Avoid labels as well ("You're so stingy") and try not to diagnose the other person and tell him what he or she should do or feel. Be specific. Vague requests like "I need you to be more sensitive to me" aren't helpful unless you give examples of what you mean. (" I just need you to listen to me; I'm not
looking for advice.")

Allow for differences of opinion. Don't fight about who knows the absolute truth; you can both agree to disagree. And you don't have to win every fight. If someone discounts your feelings, Lerner suggests saying something like, "Well, it may seem crazy to you, but this is how I feel." Realize that each person is responsible for his or her own behavior. If you're angry at your child or in-laws, don't rail at your spouse: It's up to you to find a way to address the situation. Don't tell people how they "should" feel. It may be tempting, but refrain, too, from criticizing or diagnosing someone's feelings. That doesn't mean you are to blame for those feelings, of course. If someone is angry at a decision you've made, Lerner suggests acknowledging the anger in the following way: " I understand that you're angry and I might feel the same in your shoes, but I've thought this over and this is my decision." Don't channel your feelings through a third party. Instead of telling your partner, "Our son was so upset when you worked late and missed his school play," say "I'm upset: You're important to me and I really wanted you to be there." Remember that change takes time. Don't expect quick results from a few confrontations: you'll get tested again and again. Be prepared for this and you won't be as likely to get riled up. Managing your anger constructively means that you don't have to let your temper get the best of you. Even if you're the type of person who does a slow burn in traffic or throws things at the TV set, you can find a way to control your anger before it leads to depression. If you're already depressed, an antidepressant such as fluoxetine (Prozac) or sertraline (Zoloft) can help prevent anger attacks. If you want to control your anger before depression sets in, you'll have to take a close look at the roots of your anger and the effect it has on your life.
In his classic book Feeling Good, psychiatrist David D. Burns lays out an effective strategy for dealing with anger. Instead of fuming silently or ranting, he recommends defusing needless anger before it ever starts. With a more positive mindset, you can face situations calmly that once made you furious. Like Lerner, Burns warns that objects of your wrath will rarely be humbled or understanding -- instead, they're likely to be hurt, defensive, and hostile. He recommends examining angry thoughts to see if there's any distortion (that is, if your friend who cancelled a lunch date was really trying to hurt your feelings, or if there is another possible explanation). He also suggests trying to look at things from other people's perspective to see if matters are as unfair as they first seem. The American Psychological Association offers these additional tips for dealing with
anger: When you feel anger building, take a few breaths deep from your belly and slowly repeat reassuring words such as "relax." The APA also advises staying away from situations that make you angry. If getting caught in traffic makes you furious, for example, try changing your schedule to avoid rush hour. Next, find a release for your anger. Instead of yelling, try talking it out. You may also want to burn some of that excess adrenaline by lifting weights or taking a jog around the neighborhood. Finally, if you still have trouble handling your anger, consider counseling or classes in anger management. A therapist can help you express your feelings in a more healthy way. -- Chris Woolston, M.S., is a health and medical writer with a master's degree in biology. He is a contributing editor at Consumer Health Interactive, and was the staff writer at Hippocrates, a magazine for physicians. He has also covered science issues for Time Inc. Health, WebMD, and the Chronicle of Higher Education. His reporting on occupational health earned him an award from the northern California Society of Professional Journalists.
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Anger is probably the most poorly handled emotion in our society. From time to time, all of us experience this powerful feeling. Some of the most common causes of anger include: hurt; frustration; annoyance; harassment; disappointment; and threats. Anger can be our friend or enemy; it depends on the way in which we choose to express it. Knowing how to recognize and express it appropriately can help us to reach our goals, solve problems, handle emergencies, and protect our health. A failure to recognize and understand one's anger can lead to a variety of personal difficulties. There is some useful material available on Anger and Anger Management on the Internet. The websites below provide some interesting information. Concerns that you may have about anger and its management, can be addressed by contacting staff at the Counseling Service. Another useful contact for men concerned about controlling their anger is the Men's Referral Service.
The mission of the Counseling Center for Human Development is to help students grow as whole individuals --- emotionally, intellectually, and socially. Counseling Center professional staff assists students in improving self awareness, exploring personal concerns, improving learning skills, and making academic, career, lifestyle, and relationship decisions. Counseling Center Services are available to all currently registered USF students Monday through Friday, 8:00 A.M. to 5:00 P.M. Students may initiate services by visiting the Center located on the second floor of the Student Services Building (SVC) in suite 2124. Privacy and confidentiality are protected in accordance with Florida mental health law.
[Online screening for depression, manic depression, anxiety, alcohol problems, posttraumatic stress disorder, and eating disorders...
DEALING WITH ANGER:
1) What causes a person to experience anger? A: There are basically two ways of experiencing anger. You can feel angry with yourself over not having done as well as you had hoped on an examination, or you can have the other kind of anger which is directed at someone else or some object. In other words, you can stub your toe walking over a carpet and be angry about that, or you can be angry at a sales person in the store, or with a spouse of girlfriend/boyfriend as a result of an argument or dispute. Internal anger is directed at yourself for something that you have done or not done and external anger is the result of an interaction with another person.
2) What are some ways of dealing with anger?

A: Probably the most productive way is taking your angry feelings to the source, in other words, directly to the person involved. If your angry feelings are directed at yourself and you are angry with yourself about something, try to express those feelings to a friend, a colleague or a counselor. In other words, to kind of get it offs your chest. It is very important to get out angry feelings regardless of what kind of anger youre feeling.
3) What are some of the non-productive ways of dealing with anger?

A: Instead of expressing feelings, the non-productive way would be to bottle them up, keeping those feelings inside. An expression that is frequently used is "sandbagging". Sandbagging your angry feelings means to avoid the person, for whom anger is directed, sidestepping the issue, keeping the anger inside, instead of being direct with a person. Sandbagging results in being indirect and sarcastic. Many people fear hurting someone elses feelings if they share angry feelings. Yet by holding on to anger, the other person ends up feeling hurt and relationships are damaged. Having a lot of angry feelings that are pent up could lead to punitive kinds of behavior or resentment, directly or indirectly. People that you are involved with, a boyfriend of girlfriend or a spouse, know when you are angry. There are ways that you show it indirectly. And when you dont express that anger directly to them, usually they resent it, and the frustration can cause people to withdraw from each other.
4) Many people are not even aware they are angry, or that theyre not expressing it. How does a person become aware of whether theyre expressing their anger or not?
A: One way for people to tell whether they are angry is if they are short tempered. If you find your honking your horn at traffic, if you are not able to concentrate on your work like you want to, these are all ways of knowing that something is wrong. Agitated feelings are good clues to unexpressed anger. Also, there are occasionally some physical symptoms that go along with unexpressed anger, such as migraine headaches, peptic ulcers, upset stomach, and tension headaches. Usually your body tells you that something is wrong. You are bottling something up, and you are not expressing those angers.
5) Is there a decision-making process related to expressing anger?

A: When you have angry feelings, you have to decide if this is the right time and the right place to express these feelings. You may in fact be in the company of others when you have these angry feelings, and you may want to find a nice quiet place where you can explain and express those feelings, or tell those feelings to the person you feel has caused them or at least is directly involved with you. So, it very much is a decision.
6) How about the trust factor? Would you have to trust somebody before you express angry feelings to them, or does trust have anything to do with it?
A: Expressing anger is a lot easier if we trust someone. On the other hand, level of trust is not imperative. We may feel angry toward a clerk in a store or a salesperson and we dont know what the level of trust is. I think the most important thing is to trust you. Trust your feelings and let your feelings out.
7) For the person, who hasnt learned too much about expressing anger, are there preliminary steps that one can start taking to learn more about their angry feelings?
A: Yes, there is and considering it a series of steps is the easiest way to look at it. The first step is to be aware if something is going on where you are finding yourself agitated, if you are snapping at friends, if youre not doing well in your work. You know something is wrong. Give yourself time, take a few moments, and locate the source. Locating the source is the second step. Is it something you have or havent done? Is it something inside that is going on? Or is it the result of an interaction with a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, and spouse? The third step would be to choose the right time and the right place to express that anger. If it is anger that is inside you directed at yourself, then find a friend, check it out. See if they have the time to listen to you. Get it off your chest. If it is the result of an interaction with a certain other person, then find the right
time and the right place and let them know that this is something important to you to express. And finally, number four would be to tell them your anger in the most simple, direct way you can think of. And always remember that you have the responsibility to express your anger. The other person may not respond the way you want them to--they may not be willing to hear it-- but the important thing is that is their responsibility. You only have the responsibility to tell them and thats about it. If you have further questions about anger or how you deal with it, please contact the University of Florida Counseling Center at 301 Peabody Hall. Note: This document is based on an audio tape script developed by the University of Texas, Austin. With their permission, it was revised and edited into its current form by the staff of the University of Florida Counseling Center. SOME FACTS PSYCOLOGISTS KNOW ABOUT
ANGER
Feeling angry is____________________."
A. Normal B. Something experienced by everyone C. Not something you outgrow D. A powerful feeling, but one you can learn to manage with practice. E. Not the same thing as aggression, which is a behavior (such as hitting someone) that may result if you can't bring your anger under control. F. All of the above. If your answer was "F" you recognize that anger is a normal emotion experienced by everyone. It is not a behavior. Anger is a part of life and society has not done a great job in teaching us how to cope with it. Girls are taught to avoid being angry and boys are praised and encouraged to display this emotion in a negative way. So, what is anger?
Anger?
According to Hendrie Weisinger, Ph.D., there are five interrelated dimensions all operating simultaneously in any angry situation. These dimensions include: Cognition- our present thoughts Emotion- the physiological arousal that anger produces Communication- the way we display our anger to others Affect-the way that we experience life when we are angry Behavior- the way we behave when we are angry
Body responses to anger

If we are aware, our body can inform us of when we are angry. There are stages of physiological signs of anger. A stimulus triggers emotion Tension or Stress begins to build Adrenaline is released contributing to growing tension. Breathing rate increases Heartbeat accelerates Blood pressure rises There is now a body and mind "Fight or Flight" response Even though the body is aware of times where we feel angry, according to Leo Madow, M.D., there exists something called masked expressions of anger. Following is a list of expressions, which suggests an underlying anger. Modified expression on anger -These indications of anger are fairly direct but modified in form. For example, "I am annoyed," "I am fed up," "I'm ready to explode," or "I was annoyed by my friend but not really angry." Indirect expression on anger - In this case anger is even more hidden. Indirect expressions attempt to disguise the anger from the speaker and the listener. "I'm not angry." "I'm just disappointed in you." Variation on depression - This group includes such phrases as "feeling blue" or "down in the dumps." These expressions are even more removed
than the previously mentioned categories and are harder to recognize.
Effect on our health

If managed inappropriately anger is likely to negatively affect our physical and mental health. Listed below are examples of disorders that may develop if anger is suppressed without an outlet. Headaches Gastrointestinal disorders Respiratory disorders Skin disorders Genito-urinary disorders Arthritis Disabilities of the nervous system Circulatory disorders Aggravation of existing physical symptoms Emotional disturbances Suicide
How can we manage anger?

Below are a list of interventions mentioned earlier by Dr. Madow, that help us to manage anger from cognitive, emotional, communication, affective, and behavioral dimensions. Cognitive Identifying Provocation - provides you with data to help you confront or avoid a provocation. Alternative Explanations - By considering an alternative explanation of a provoking event, chances are more likely that you will place it in the appropriate perspective and thereby respond more properly. - By considering an alternative explanation of a provoking event, chances are more likely that you will place it in the appropriate perspective and thereby respond more properly. Combating Anger Distortions -use anger to warn you that it is time to reexamine your thinking. -use anger to warn you that it is time to reexamine your thinking. Anger Management Instructions - When your anger is just, you can cognitively deal with your anger by using your self-statements as selfinstructions ("Don't let this get to you," or "Take a deep breath.") - When your anger is just, you can cognitively deal with your anger by using your self-statements as self-instructions ("Don't let this get to you," or "Take a deep breath.") Clarifying Expectations - anticipating what events you will encounter. Mental Rehearsal -creating and patterning yourself after the positive images you envision. Emotional Body Biofeedback - By discovering the way your body feels when anger is approaching, you can use that feeling as a cue for altering your
physiological response or altering your thoughts and behavior so that your anger does not get out of hand. Generating Alternative Arousal - Using anger as a cue to generate an alternative form of physical arousal that is antagonistic to anger or arousal (i.e., relaxation & humor). Channeling Arousal - Using the arousal you acquire from being angry as a powerful source of energy that helps you handle a provocative productively. Communication Assertiveness - teaches you to stand up for your legitimate rights and express your needs in an appropriate way. Listening - allows you to open up communication channels. Negotiation - process by which two people work the conflict out by coming to a mutually satisfying agreement. Criticism - ability to give and receive constructive criticism .
ManagementJuice.com Anger Management by Anon Project for reference purpose only. Page | 79 Confrontation - the ability to take responsibility
for perceiving a situation or a person's behavior as unacceptable. Once identified, specifically describe the unacceptable behavior or situation. Stating clearly the tangible effects of the event. Praise - decreases the chances of the other person becoming defensive. Feelings Feeling awareness - prior to expressing feelings in a productive way, it is necessary to acknowledge that they exist. Expressing feelings - ability to express feelings in positive way. Making positive affect work for you - keep yourself in a positive mood, induce positive affect in others, find everyday uppers (no drugs), offer help whenever you can, and be kind. Behavior Learning our anger actions - identify the behaviors we do when we are angry through: modeling, operant learning, de-escalating anger (time-out), and creative time-out. Generating productive angry behavior - prevent anger from escalating and rid yourself of anger actions. Changing your behavior: making new actions easier - replacing negative responses to anger with new more positive behaviors. Learn the ABC's of anger - this method helps your to establish what caused your to be angry (Anger trigger), what you did about it (Behavior), and what happened because of what you did (Consequence
Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You

TOPICS:
What Is Anger? Anger Management Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay? Do You Need Counseling?
We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns
destructive, it can lead to problemsproblems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger. What is Anger?
The Nature of Anger Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. Expressing Anger The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertivenot aggressivemanner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others. Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inwardon yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships. Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside. As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someoneor somethingis going to get hurt." Anger Management The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions. Are You Too Angry? There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it.
If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion. Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others? According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill. People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems
somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake. What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively. Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications. Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?" Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation. It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. Strategies to Keep Anger at Bay Relaxation Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hottempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques. Some simple steps you can try: Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut." Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination. Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer. Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation. Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow." Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactionsfrustration, disappointment, hurtbut not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away. Problem Solving Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts
and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-ornothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away. Better Communication Angry people tend to jump toand act onconclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your angeror a partner'slet a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.
Using Humor "Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation. The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them! When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression. What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh. Changing Your Environment Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap. Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them. Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at nightperhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habittry changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments. Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm. Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a projectlearn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train. Do You Need Counseling? If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for
changing your thinking and your behavior.
When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used. What about Assertiveness Training? It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations. Remember, you can't eliminate angerand it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.
Date: 15 April 2003 Summary: Beyond Therapy ANGER MANAGEMENT (2003) **1/2 Adam Sandler, Jack Nicholson, Marisa Tomei, John Turturro, Luis Guzman, Krista Allen, January Jones, Allen Covert, Kevin Nealon, Lynn Thigpen, Kurt Fuller, Woody Harrelson, John C. Reilly, Heather Graham, Harry Dean Stanton, Nancy Walls. (Cameos as themselves: Rudy Giuliani, Bobby Knight, John McEnroe, Roger Clemens, Derek Jeter) High concept comedy hit-and-miss execution results with Sandler as a mild-mannered New Yorker who winds up in the titular therapy run by looney tune Nicholson (both having a ball) via a court order. Slapstick and snarky line readings upstage the fact that the film runs out of gas in the ludicrous final twenty minutes when the story implodes on itself; otherwise a diverting comedy for the curious as to how young and old Hollywood stars bond; better yet rent the far superior `What About Bob?' (Dir: Peter Segal)
CASES ON ANGER MGT

From Anger Management to Anger Transformation
Paul T. P. Wong, Ph.D. President, INPM Research Director and Professor Counselling Psychology Department Trinity Western University, BC, Canada Printable Version
"I am very angry. God knows that I try, but I can't help it - I have every reason to be mad." If this sentiment sounds familiar, it is because all of us have experienced similar inner struggles with respect to anger.
Wouldn't you be angry, if what you have built with sweat and blood is snatched away from you by force and handed it over to someone else? Wouldn't you be furious, when your trusted friend stabs you in the back and turns against you? Wouldn't you be filled with righteous indignation, when religious leaders abuse their subordinates spiritually and psychologically, all in God's name?
Wouldn't you be filled with rage and pain, if your house was destroyed and your family killed by bombing? Wouldn't you be mad, if you were arrested and imprisoned for interrogation for no other reason than your ethnic-racial background? Wouldn't you be fuming, if your country was occupied, and your freedom and rights were taken away from you? Wouldn't you be furious, if you were dismissed in spite of your many years of contribution, whereas your incompetent and lazy co-worker was promoted simply because he was related to the boss?
There are enough legitimate reasons to make people burn with righteous anger all the time: Abuse of power. Corruption. Hypocrisy. Poverty. Deprivation. Inequality. Injustice. Senseless war. Violence. Atrocities. Terrorism. Oppression. Humiliation. Betrayal. Discrimination. Mistreatments. Of course, people can also get angry over trivial matters: A thoughtless remark. Being slighted. Failing to get proper respect. Misunderstanding. Petty jealousy. Sometimes even the slightest provocation can set off an outburst. In short, we are a nation of angry people and we are becoming an increasingly angry society. We live in a world filled with enough anger and hate to blow it into pieces. Everyone seems to be angry with someone for some reason. Many have acted out their anger. Terrorist bombing is simply the extreme expression of anger. How do you react in each of the above scenarios? How do you cope with angry feelings?
Anger-in and anger-out

These are the two natural ways of coping with anger: but both methods have their drawbacks. The insecure, mild-mannered Dave Buznik (Adam Sander) in Anger Management is the implosive "anger-in" type. His anger management guru Dr. Buddy Ruydaell (Jack Nicholson) is the explosive "anger-out" type. Both need anger management because they represent the extreme cases. When anger is turned inward, it will be disguised as self-loathing, passive aggression, and sarcasm. In rare cases, implosion may result in suicide. When we ruminate over unhappy events and brood over past hurts, we become susceptible to depression. Another danger
of bottling up is that our inner tumult may gradually build up until it eventually erupts like a volcano. When we let our anger out and direct it to others, we may feel good temporarily. But releasing anger inappropriately may also get us into trouble. Frequent temper tantrums may result in getting fired, while fistfights and assaults may land us in jail. Office rage, road rage, vandalism, and random violence are examples of anger out of control. Like any other emotions, anger is also accompanied with physiological changes, such as an increase in heart rate and blood pressure. Therefore, frequent and intense anger may
contribute to a variety of illnesses, such as, hypertension, heart attack, ulcer and cancer. What do we do about the prevalent problem of anger, which threatens not only our personal health but also the quality of our community?
Anger management
Anger management appears to be the answer because it helps us do a better job in coping with anger. Often courts prescribe anger management as part of sentencing for thousands of abusive spouses, violent people, and aggressive teens. Anger management workshops have become a cottage industry for counsellors, therapists and psychologists. Anger management therapists come from different theoretical orientations. However, most of them rely on cognitive-behavioural techniques. However helpful, anger management cannot solve all our anger problems for three obvious reasons:
1. You cannot mandate every angry person to attend an anger management workshop. 2. There are not enough anger management therapists to go around, if all the angry people ask for help. 3. Traditional anger management is simply not very effective in certain situations, such as systemic and persistent oppression.
Is anger controllable?
The basic idea behind anger management is that if you don't control anger, it will control you. Thus, the emphasis is on control - on our ability to manage anger and regulate its frequency, intensity and expression. From this perspective, problems of anger and aggression are regarded as anger-control problems. But anger is a natural and normal reaction to negative situations that inflict pain or frustration. Therefore, angry feelings and reactions are difficult to control.
Experimental studies have shown that if you deliver an aversive stimulus to animals, they will respond aggressively. We also have the same instinct to fight back when others cause us pain. However, in a civilized society, we cannot lash out every time we feel frustrated and angry. Hence, the need for control. There are four basic ways of anger-control:
1. 2. 3. 4. Avoid people and situations that are likely to trigger anger. Suppress you angry feelings. Express your anger in a measured and appropriate manner. Reduce and regulate the intensity of your anger by calming it.
Anger management techniques

Most of the anger management techniques are designed to achieve one or more of the above four types of control. Here are some of the commonly known anger-control techniques:
Relaxation - Breathing exercise, muscle relaxation, imagery, etc. Cognitive reframing - Changing the way we think about the situation Humor - Seeing the humorous side of a bad situation Talking to someone - Talking about your problem and feelings Redirecting your anger - Hitting a pillow or throwing darts Changing your situation - Changing your job or moving to a different place Assertive training - Learning to assert yourself and communicate your feelings Problem-solving - Trying to resolve the problem that makes you angry
The British Association of Anger Management proposes that the formula to control anger is Recognition + Understanding. In other words, anger-control begins in our head; if we recognize the trigger and symptoms and understanding what is happening to us, we are then better able to cope with anger.
Limitations of anger management

There are limitations to anger management techniques, because they place too much burden on the individual. Often, anger requires an interpersonal or systemic solution. When people are trapped in a dysfunctional family, it takes more than self-control to resolve the anger problem. In such systems, people may actually reinforce each other's angry feelings and aggressive behaviours. All members involved in anger-saturated relationships need to change. When they live under a brutal and oppressive regime, life is an endless series of problems, frustration and pain, from which there is no escape. The ever-present system of injustice and abuse is enough to make many citizens angry. Anger-control techniques are helpful to a certain extent, but ultimately regime-change is needed to remove the source of anger.
In oppressive, dysfunctional systems, anger management can become a form of "social control" that teaches people to be better "prisoners" and willing "victims". Therefore, we need an alternative approach that can harness anger and empower people to use this powerful emotion for positive systemic change.
Anger transformation
From the perspective of anger transformation, anger is a powerful emotional energy that needs to be harnessed and channeled to positive goals. The focus is not on angercontrol, but on the psychological processes of transforming anger into positive energies. There are four basic processes of transformation: 1. Creative transformation - Angry feelings are transformed into something new, such as artistic works, scientific inventions, and the creation of new products. When imagination is fueled and powered by anger, anything could happen. The creative process provides both an outlet and a goal for one's pent-up emotions. Some of the most memorable poems and music have been created out of the depth of suffering and anger. Some of the best ideas have been born in the crucible of despair and
frustration. Don't get angry; don't get even, but get ahead, because success is the best revenge. Anger can be beneficial, because it frees us from illusion, confronts us with the real enemy, and gives us a laser-sharp vision of what needs to be achieved. Often, just a glimpse of the impossible dream is enough to lift one's spirit. To be able to capture the heavenly vision for posterity will fill one's heart with joy and hope. 2. Social transformation - Rage is transformed into social reform through activism and political struggles. Social interest and acts of altruism can indirectly reduce one's angry feelings. Often, social transformation is a group effort, as oppressed individuals are galvanized and organized to fight for justice and freedom. When they no longer want to be model "prisoners", they band together to overthrow the oppressor and break down the "prison walls" of fear, doubts and apathy so that they can make a difference in this world. Resignation, cynicism, and bitterness can fester and destroy a person. But smothering anger can also spark the spirit of reformation to fight against injustice, oppression and abuse.
3. Existential transformation - Bitter despair is transformed into wisdom, serenity and a higher purpose through enlightened acceptance, detachment and self-transcendence. Personal hurts often fade away when viewed against the backdrop of inevitability and immensity of human suffering. To affirm the goodness of life in the midst of misfortunes can also make pain more bearable. Anger can awaken the defiant human spirit and propel one to heroic efforts in serving a cause greater than oneself. To be able to discover or recover a passion for living can set one free from the bondage of self-pity and self-destruction. 4. Spiritual transformation - Pain is transformed into transcendental experiences through spiritual exercises, such as prayer, meditation, forgiveness and reconciliation. We perceive that we are no longer alone in our efforts to control anger, because we can solicit divine help according to our beliefs and faith traditions. When spirituality is an important part of our lives, and faith is one of our core values, we are more likely to succeed in transcending our plight and enter into a blessed realm in which anger gives way to praise. The development of spiritual maturity may lead to a state of total surrender to divine guidance. Different from other anger management techniques, spiritual transformation needs to take place in the person first, before it can be practiced effectively.
Two contrasting approaches to coping with anger
Do you see the differences between anger management and anger transformation? Try to work through the scenarios listed in the introduction and see which approach is more effective for which situation. Imagine you are having a conversation with someone who has just completed a sixweek long anger management workshop. "Are you still angry?" "You bet I am!" "Don't you find anger management training helpful?" "Not really. Some of the techniques are quite helpful in some situations, but overall, anger management has not been very useful to someone like me in my situation." "Tell me something about yourself and your situation." "Well, I am just a very intense person, and I feel very passionate about certain things. It never fails to incense me, when I see injustice or hypocrisy. Unfortunately, I happen to work in an organization where injustice and hypocrisy are its trademark." "But why don't you quit and find another job?" "I did try, but in my field, there are very few openings these days. I just have to learn to put up with a lot of crabs everyday and try not to blow up, because I have to support a large family. It has been very hard on me. I still feel like screaming or punching up some one."
What else can you say to help this poor fellow? Based on what have learned about anger transformation, what type of transformation would be most helpful? One of my students Bill Angus incorporates existential-spiritual elements with cognitivebehavioural techniques in his Anger Management Workbook. His appeal to meaning and spirituality focuses on affirmation of what is good and pursuit of positive goals. Information on his Workbook is available by clicking here. Another of my student Diane Currie has developed a Poetic Workshop, called "Becoming a Radical Poet: Transforming Anger into Freedom". This workshop explicitly addresses anger as a potentially energizing emotion that can be healed and transformed through creative poetry making.
Between two worlds

All of us live between two worlds - idealism versus realism, heaven versus earth, City of God versus City of Man, love principle versus power principle. No matter how we conceptualize this duality, we find ourselves caught between the pulls of two different worlds. Anger management only addresses issues of life-in-the-world. It deals with the practical concerns of daily living. It is concerned with survival and adaptation to reality without any attempt to change it. Anger management can be achieved by mastering a set of cognitive-behavioral techniques. Anger transformation addresses issues of the ideal life. It deals with what makes life
meaningful and worthwhile. It is concerned with the quest for beauty, truth and goodness. Anger transformation can be achieved only through the dialectic and dynamic process of maintaining a precarious balance two worlds. We need both anger management and anger transformation to live in the present world without losing hope for a better world. Ultimately, long-term success in anger management depends on anger transformation.
Good Friday and Easter Sunday

This morning at the Good Friday service, in a comfortable auditorium, along with a thousand others, I joined in singing songs of celebration, and looked at the crucified Jesus on a giant screen. There was a surreal feeling to the whole service and I was lost in thoughts. Falsely accused, wrongly convicted, and barbarically executed, the crucified Christ represents all people who are persecuted, oppressed, and victimized. The cruel Cross symbolizes all that is wrong in this present world.
The forces that contributed to the horror of the Cross are still with us: the self-righteous religious leaders and their blind followers, the ambitious political leaders and their hatchet men, and the ruthless "power" games of deception, manipulation and control. No wonder the world is full of angry and hurting people. But the glory of Easter Sunday transforms the Cross into a symbol of convergence of duality - Heaven and Earth, life and death, and righteousness and evil. The risen Jesus represents not only the overcoming of anger, hate and death, but also the returning of the hero to the world in order to transform it. Thus, Good Friday and Easter Sunday symbolize two fundamental realities. Crucifixion without resurrection represents a closed system of suffering, death and anger. But resurrection turns it into a mystical open system, which is being renewed by the power of forgiveness, redemption, and love. Herein lies the secret of an ultimate cure for anger.
Anger case history from a client- 2

Hi Everyone, Here are some thoughts regarding EFT and anger as shared with us by someone on the receiving end of this technique, a client. He chooses to be anonymous. I extend a thank you for his insightful words. Hugs, Gary From a layperson that has not studied the course but learned the technique from Jack Rowe: I was working on processing jealous events where anger was one of the dominant emotions. I had trouble completely clearing it, getting the SUDs down to 3-4, but no further. I realized that the anger was a defense mechanism to protect me from pain. The pain was one of hurt that someone I love would (potentially) love or show affection to a rival. It was based on fear of having this person stolen away from me.
I processed the hurt and the fear of getting hurt, getting these down to zero, along with a couple of other aspects about the event. I then was able to get the anger to clear. I think the reason was that a part no longer feared that giving up anger would allow me to still get hurt. Once protected from the pain, anger was free to be released. In my life, anger comes after I feel 1) an assault on my ego or 2) a loss of something (loved one, self-esteem, possessions) or the fear of either of these. I think it is important for me to process the underlying emotion prior to the anger, since the purpose of the anger is to protect me from pain. I don't know how extensible this information is to other people, but it seems to work for me. ManagementJuice.com Anger Management by Anon Project for reference purpose only. Page | 92 Name withheld
Have you ever lost your temper? Did you yell and scream or want to hit someone? Maybe your little brother got into your room and played with your toys without permission. Or maybe your teacher gave you too much homework. Or maybe a friend borrowed your favorite video game and then broke it. That made you mad! Everyone gets angry. We "lose our cool" or "hit the roof." Anger can even be a good thing. When kids are treated unfairly, anger can help them stand up for themselves. The hard part is learning what to do with these strong feelings.
What Is Anger?
You have lots of emotions. At different times, you may be happy, sad, or jealous. Anger is just another way we feel. It's perfectly OK to be angry at times - in fact, it's important to get angry sometimes. Anger must be released in the right way. Otherwise you'll be like a pot of boiling water with the lid left on. You need to let the steam escape, or the water will finally boil over and blow your top off! And that's no fun for anyone.
What Makes Me Angry?

Many things may make kids angry. You may get angry when something doesn't go your way. Maybe you get mad at yourself when you don't understand your homework or when your team loses an important game. Sometimes when you have a hard time reaching a goal you become frustrated. That frustration may lead to anger. Kids who tease you or call you names can make you angry. Many kids get angry at their parents because they don't think the rules are fair. Worst of all is when you are blamed for something you didn't do. On the other hand, some kids get angry and don't even know why.
How Can I Tell When I'm Angry?

There are different ways people feel anger. Usually your body will tell you when you are angry. Are you breathing faster? Is your face bright red? Are your muscles tense and your fists clenched tight? Do you want to break something or hit someone? Anger can make you yell or scream at those around you, even people you love. Some people keep their anger buried deep inside. If you do this, you might get a headache or your tummy might start to hurt. You may just feel crummy about yourself or
start to cry. It's not good to hide your anger, so you should find a way to let it out without hurting yourself or others.
How Can I Tell When Someone Else Is Angry?

You can see it and you can feel it. When someone you know is angry, he or she may stomp away or stop talking to you. He or she may become quiet and withdrawn. Some people scream and try to hit or harm anyone close by. If a person is this angry, you should get away as soon as possible.
Once you are away from the angry person, stop and think. Try to figure out what made that person so angry. Can you make the situation better? How does the other person feel? When the other person has cooled down, try to talk about the problem. Listen to what he has to say.
What Should I Do if I Get Angry?

Don't lose control - taking it out on others never solves anything. Instead, admit to yourself that you are angry and try to figure out why. What can you do to keep the situation from happening again? If your little sister gets a toy and you don't, it's not OK to break that toy. Maybe you can ask her to share it with you. Or if your science homework is too hard, don't rip up your notebook. Ask your teacher or a parent for help instead. It helps to talk about your anger with an adult, such as a parent, teacher, or relative. Once you talk about anger, those bad feelings usually start to go away.
Anger Busters
Here are some other things you can do when you start to feel angry: talk to a friend you can trust count to 10 get or give a hug stamp your feet beat up a pillow because the pillow can't get hurt draw a picture of your anger play a video game run around the outside of the house five times as fast as you can sing along with the stereo pull weeds in the garden think happy thoughts about things like your favorite dessert or a fun vacation take a long bike ride or go in-line skating Never getting angry is impossible. Instead, remember that it's how you act on your anger that can make a situation better or worse. Take charge and don't let anger control you. That way everyone wins.
If you feel unable to control your anger, then it would be wise to seek help - from your doctor,
your community mental health nurse, from friends and family, from self-help groups etc

INTRODUCTION of Anger MGNT

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INTRODUCTION of Anger MGNT

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INTRODUCTION

Anger: What Is It? And Why?

How angry are you?

Anger: Be angry, not mad!

THE FOUR FACES of ANGER

UNDERSTANDING ANGER: THEORIES AND FACTS

Anger & Relationships

The Faults of Anger

DEALING WITH ANGER

Strategies to Keep Anger at Bay

Four Proven Techniques for Managing Anger

Controlling Anger BenefitsofPatience

Anger management programs

ANGER MANAGEMENT IN SOBRIETY

Tame Temper Tantrums

Is Hostility Harming Your Heart?

SOME MORE ANGER MANAGEMENT TIPS

Do You Need Counseling?

OBJECTIVE OF ANGER TEST

you feel? 1. I don't feel angry at all.

confidence and self esteem.

Some Additional Matter you can incorporate in this project

looking for advice.")

DEALING WITH ANGER:

2) What are some ways of dealing with anger?

3) What are some of the non-productive ways of dealing with anger?

5) Is there a decision-making process related to expressing anger?

Body responses to anger

than the previously mentioned categories and are harder to recognize.

Effect on our health

How can we manage anger?

Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You

changing your thinking and your behavior.

CASES ON ANGER MGT

Anger-in and anger-out

Anger management techniques

Limitations of anger management

Two contrasting approaches to coping with anger

Between two worlds

Good Friday and Easter Sunday

Anger case history from a client- 2

What Makes Me Angry?

How Can I Tell When I'm Angry?

How Can I Tell When Someone Else Is Angry?

What Should I Do if I Get Angry?

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